Worry about picking the wrong one?
There are those who believe that single people are afraid of committing to anyone. What is closer to the truth, though, is many people are afraid of picking the wrong person. This is a real fear because we hear all the horror stories, see the divorce rates, and start to to doubt if it is worth it.
It’s really interesting because some people don’t trust their instincts when it comes to finding the right one. Let’s face it, we have a long line of “what was I thinking” exes to point to our bad choices! The question then becomes, how do you handle the fear of picking the wrong person?
Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? Do you wonder if the person you pick will change?
What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate? Share the wisdom!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
241 comments Add your comment
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
1:16 pm
Awww, Bluz, hang tight. Engulf your emotion, but don’t wallow. He wouldn’t want you to be down.
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:17 pm
Leggs, women want to have have big weddings, because they want that fairy tale that they’ve always dreamed about, not trying to start an argument, but most women never grow up!
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
1:17 pm
One happy thought is that he would have LOVED his birthday falling on Fat Tuesday because he was a New Orleans man through and through. I’m picturing in Heaven cooking gumbo and dancing to zydeco music! That does make me smile…
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
1:23 pm
not trying to start an argument, but most women never grow up!
well…u starting the argument by saying MOST..
why u scared of starting an argument Single?
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
1:28 pm
Single, aren’t you the guy that said you “discount” what anyone says if “I” isn’t in their statements? How can you tell what a woman wants and why she chooses a ceremony over the courthouse over elopement???
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:28 pm
Ex, you do enough of that
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:38 pm
Leggs, when all the talk about is the ceremony, and the house, the kids, the life after marriage, but never about the man that they marry, they have dreamed about this since they were a little girl, then they essentially didn’t grow up. Now this doesn’t go for all women. I’m just going to say some, just like some men never grew up.
And you’re right it’s just my opinion, so it only means something to me, and I could be wrong
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
1:46 pm
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
1:49 pm
Perhaps it’s just me, because I don’t hear women saying any of those things (lol). Whenever any of my friends became engaged, all I heard was “he’s this,” or “he’s that,” “he’s good at this,” “we’re going to so and so.” All the sweetness made me wanna puke (lolol).
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:56 pm
Leggs, I usually hear that after the engagement, but before that it’s about all the other stuff. Also when someone refers to their S/O as my Husband/Wife, like they are property. to me those are the ones just wanted to put together a puzzle.
Dirty Birds (Buy a small wedding ring)
February 12th, 2013
2:01 pm
Good Afternoon!
@Robert that is a decent list, you forget to include the most important aspects.
1. Honesty
2. Intergrity
3. Support and honor his woman and himself.
4. Good Character.
You name all material type things which as of right now is what is breaking up marriages. Folks have put materalism ahead of each other and when they no longer have money, well he or she is no good.
This plays a part in making the wrong decision. Choosing someone for financial reason with great qualities usually winds up in divorce.
Women are too funny… First they want a big ring then a big wedding as if they are providing something that is out of this world to a man. Really!
You are becoming his partner so act like that money is your money and put it work so you can have a long substaining happy life together, because bad times are going to come, then you wish you has kept some of the morning for a rainy day.
@Leggs…U are so wonderfull
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:03 pm
All the sweetness made me wanna puke (lolol).
why??
SlimNu - More of me
February 12th, 2013
2:06 pm
SH – Every chick does not have dreams of puffy dresses, 13 bridesmaids and a white horse and carriage….Standing on the beach barefoot is cool with me
OR go to the COAThouse then dip off to the beach at a later time 
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:06 pm
single – and some women never believed in fairy tales to begin with.
ex – you instigating?
leggs – ditto on all that “he he he” crap. you love your girl and all but you want to tell her that “HE ain’t nobody”. lol.
s/h – that “my husband/wife” thing has always been a big pet peeve of mine. like they don’t have a name. like I don’t know they are your husband/wife. irksome.
DB – what? most of us are willing to forego the big wedding. lol.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:08 pm
Ex ~ sometimes all the lovey dovey can be sickening. I’m happy for them, still sickening (said with love).
What’s a COAThouse?
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:09 pm
Oh, sorry, you’re making fun of Court.
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:18 pm
random – I’m feeling a bit out of touch. talked to a friend at lunch and she was telling me that she just had some bootleg cable installed at her house. I briefly reminisced on the days of bootleg cable. and now my dumb azz is paying a bill every month. smdh.
Dirty Birds (Buy a small wedding ring)
February 12th, 2013
2:19 pm
Men when you buy that big ring, pay for that big wedding and grand vacation you are putting a down payment on the puddy. So make sure you stay will her at least 15 to 20 years to get return on your investment. lol
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:20 pm
another random – I haven’t been to the gym in a week. I generally go 4-5 days a week. at the time I thought I had valid reasons/excuses but now thinking back I really don’t remember them. I know there were two bad weather days but I think I was probably just lazy the other two days. shame on me.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:21 pm
Has anyone ever gotten in trouble over bootleg cable? Or even gone to jail? What about all the bootleg DVDs people have in their homes. It’s a federal crime, but do you know of anyone who has gotten into trouble?
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:22 pm
that was a continuation on disco’s random….
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:24 pm
leggs – I do know folks that have gotten in trouble over the cable and the dvds. of course the dvd folks were distributing so that’s why they got popped. I don’t know of any random joe blow getting in trouble just for owning some. back in the day I paid for basic cable and bootlegged the premium channels.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
2:26 pm
Single – I think that’s just a very old-fashioned way of thinking, the dreaming of a big wedding since childhood thing. I’m not saying at all it doesn’t happen, I just don’t hear of it from many women.
And the women that have these big weddings – they aren’t having them by themselves. The daddy’s, fiance’s, etc are right up there with them. So nobody is being rational if they are going in debt.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:27 pm
Thanks, but my rant was about people owning them, not the bootlegger himself (lol). I’ve always been afraid to get bootleg cable. I was always afraid for those who used other people’s electricity too.
Exiled!
February 12th, 2013
2:28 pm
@Disco/Leggs/Single?
Am I surprised that All the haterration is coming from the single folks.
So u suggest we ban the word husband/wife?
Uall something with your hate! Lol
My wife has ‘hubby’ as the caption for my cell on hers and I have ‘Kids’ Mother’ as hers on mine! Lol
I didn’t want the Lame azz Kirk Franklin ,’Wifey’ label lol
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:29 pm
leggs – re other peoples electricity. at one point in my childhood we lived in a duplex. we were on the first floor and our landlord lived upstairs. how come our power got shut off and my momma rigged it so we could use the landlord’s. how come the landlord’s wife came to visit and after she left I remember my momma and aunties laughing about using their power. I couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8 when that happened. lol.
Exiled!
February 12th, 2013
2:32 pm
DirtyB usually it is J -Lo grade puddy lol
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
2:34 pm
S/H – I used to want to have a big fancy wedding. When I was engaged, we were planning a small, but very nice wedding. After going through that and decided to not get married, I decided that I don’t want to do that again. The past few years, I’ve said that I want to go to the Little White Chapel in Vegas and get married by Elvis, but the older I get, I’m thinking about an elopement to the beach. Just us and family. Then, I’d plan a heck of a party after the honeymoon…
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
2:37 pm
Disco, Kimmie, slim, I know it’s not all women
Ex, when I know your kids names, your friends, names and your dogs name, but not your spouses name, then something it wrong with that picture, and there’s no hating going on here, I’m all for marriage as long as it’s not to me (LOL)
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
2:39 pm
BTW slim, discard the last statement, will you marry me (rotflmao)
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:40 pm
but not your spouses name
how does that hapen that u wld know the kids names but not the wife’s name? he does not mention her?
@Single
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:40 pm
I don’t smell any hateration, and I didn’t post about the word husband/wife.
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:41 pm
s/h – just this morning I overheard a co-worker ask another one how their baby was doing. I made a face for a split second thinking (baby???) and then it occurred to me that they were talking about a daggone dog. I had to call old girl out and mentioned that they were talking about a dog. she assured me that dogs were babies. all I can say is some people.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:43 pm
Cable thieving must be big bizz in the hood….Disco u sure u telling us everything u know? lol
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
2:44 pm
ex, because when they mention the kids, they mention them by name, but for the spouse it’s “my wife/husband”
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:45 pm
one of my homies was married to an african american chic…he used to live in the ATLwest side hoods..i wont name street..but
never mind..
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:45 pm
ex – I’m not even sure where you are attempting to go with that?
Dirty Bird (Wedding who needs one)
February 12th, 2013
2:46 pm
BluzGirl can’t make up your mind huh! lol
@Disco u have some funny stories..Never tried the bootleg cable, but the DVD’s are still circulating in the barbershop by the barbers and others on Wednsday and Saturday.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
2:46 pm
Man, you’d have to really dislike the person you’re stealing electricity from to do that. And who sees their bill going up and up and doesn’t question it? smh….
I love weddings. Used to want a big one, but now, I’d be happy tappy with barefoot on the beach or a destination wedding. Given the choice between new furniture/new house/new car or a big wedding? Yeah, I’mma take the former everytime.
Dirty Bird (Wedding who needs one)
February 12th, 2013
2:49 pm
Exiled How much did your homey pay her so he can stay in this country? lol
The African brothers will pay to stay!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:50 pm
Single, i dont see any problem with that….do u…
This is what folks on the outside dont understand,every successful union has its unique glue,folks on the outside wont,may not understand……if it aint broke,it makes them happy…good for them.
I have seen some dudes with ugly women and im like what the fffffffff…but im sure,her puddy maybe be some outa space..maybe the tip of her tongue makes him forget all problems….who knows…..
one time in walmart,standing in line at the checkout line,behind a fat wife and fat hubby, i saw the wife shaking her head,rolling her eyes coz she wasnt feeling the hubby’s verbal abuse……im sure theyre still married….
if she happy, im happy!
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:50 pm
DB – back before the day of ipods and mp3 I admit I bought my share of bootleg cds. because I am a movie buff, I can proudly say that I have never supported bootleg movies. don’t have any, never purchased any and when I go home and my peeps are like “you wanna watch such and such” I usually avoid it. I know its bootleg. when someone (family) visits me and sees my dvd collection they are always trying to tell me about a hookup. I don’t want a freaking hookup. lol.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:52 pm
Exiled How much did your homey pay her so he can stay in this country?
@Dirt..
His Mandingo Ding did the trick homie
he got papers now courtesy of that Union…
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:54 pm
@Disco..u say ur folks are ghetto..I know hood coz ive have visited there in the ATL,bootlegging is prevalent..
all im saying
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:56 pm
Dirty..the mexiacan pay too by the way…
Its an open secret folks pay..its the lamest imiigration trick out there.
DuShawn
February 12th, 2013
2:56 pm
Re: ring cost: It’s often said that the amount you spend on a wedding ring should be 3 months’ salary. That’s bullshiznit. I believe the cost should be determined by the years we have been together. If we dated exclusively for 3 years before we got married, your ring should cost 3 stacks. Every five years, I will upgrade you 5 grand. Doing the math, 10 years your rock is 13 stacks, at 15 years your rock is 18 stacks and so on (make sure you choose a jeweler that will buy the old ring back.) Your first contract in the league with me is salary capped. You have to prove yourself on the field before we renegotiate.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:56 pm
disco, I lived on the 5th floor w/no elevator. We couldn’t rig electricity, but I knew a lot of people that did it. When we did move to a duplex, we on top and cousins on bottom, our parents probably rigged each other’s electricity at some point.
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:58 pm
Ex – that’s almost oxymoronic. I know hood because I have visited. really? that’s funny man.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
2:58 pm
Single/Disco – It can be a bit irritating for those that just have to, for whatever reason, emphasize “this is my HUSBAND/WIFE”. I find usually it’s the newly married. Otherwise, it’s not a big deal. Most folks I know do refer to their spouse by name, especially those I’m friends with. In fact, now that I think about it, all of my friends and family refer to their S/O by their name. I say S/O because there are so many now that are NOT married, so I don’t know whether to say husband or wife. I had that issue at our recent Super Bowl party. I didn’t know whether this friend of the family’s lady was his wife or not, so I just called her by the name he introduced her as.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:00 pm
“Man, you’d have to really dislike the person you’re stealing electricity from…” – Not necessarily. It’s about survival of the fittest, by any means necessary.