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Worry about picking the wrong one?

There are those who believe that single people are afraid of committing to anyone. What is closer to the truth, though, is many people are afraid of picking the wrong person. This is a real fear because we hear all the horror stories, see the divorce rates, and start to to doubt if it is worth it.

It’s really interesting because some people don’t trust their instincts when it comes to finding the right one. Let’s face it, we have a long line of “what was I thinking” exes to point to our bad choices! The question then becomes, how do you handle the fear of picking the wrong person?

Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? Do you wonder if the person you pick will change?

What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate? Share the wisdom!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

241 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 12th, 2013
6:59 am

Hello All

Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? No

Do you wonder if the person you pick will change? NO

What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate? Get out and enjoy life and things will fall in place! Stop worrying about the little things!

Button

February 12th, 2013
8:28 am

Good morning, once you realize that you’re dealing with another human being with flaws and will change due to life happening then you will be a little easier on yourself. Once you understand that that person may have the same reservations that you have you will be a little easier on yourself. Ask yourself what are the things I will tolerate and will not tolerate from the person, if the intolerable outweigh the tolerable things then move on.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 12th, 2013
8:31 am

“What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate?”

My dad looked me in the eyes and said
” There is no such thing as magic….. Find someone that you care for that’s willing to put in the same amount of work as you are and get to it. Anything short of max effort and dedication will fade and you will find yourself by yourself:.

Button

February 12th, 2013
8:50 am

Courtside my dad told me the same thing.. I listened and was married within a year. Words of wisdom.

disco

February 12th, 2013
9:17 am

good morning.

single and happy I was in a good mood this morning. jamming to buju banton on the way in. thinking I needed to go to Jamaica and then I read your post. lol. not that I disagree with your post. I just had to roll my eyes a bit at that “enjoy life and things will fall in place”. it’s sort of in line with “good things come to those who wait” and “when you stop looking he/she will find you”. it’s all a bunch of BS until it comes to pass IF it comes to pass.

on topic – I don’t really worry about ending up with someone that’s not a good match simply because I’m not effing with someone that isn’t a good match. now we may or may not work out but it won’t be because we were all wrong from the start.

as for advice, one grandmother said don’t be with the man you want to be with but the one that wants to be with you. another grandmother said to never be with a man who can’t or won’t do anything for you. my father simply told me not to believe anything any of these ninjaz said. lol.

kimmie

February 12th, 2013
9:30 am

Morning All!!

Best advice I got was from my mother. She said the time you are dating/courting should be very happy. If you are not happy while dating, marrying this person won’t make things any better.

Gotta go to a meeting!!

Celisea

February 12th, 2013
9:57 am

I guess I’m not really understanding today’s post (sorry Wise). How do you “worry” about the wrong mate or match when you can simply drop mister or miss wrong?? I mean how do you look at, see, interaction with someone that’s just wrong for you ANNNND rather than be done, keep them but worry yourself to death?? Knowing this and even further, how do you get down the aisle KNOWING with mr or miss wrong? Unless Diva is talking in a sense of getting bamboozled by someone just bad bad bad for you, I don’t get it. Even to someone “hiding” their true colors, ain’t but so long they can hide.

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
9:57 am

disco ~ you’re just plain funny.

That is damn good advice, kimmie!!!!

Islanders has a saying of “pick, pick, pick isht!!!

Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? Made that mistake once, I’m more careful now so hopefully won’t happen again.

Good morning, good morning!

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:00 am

What is closer to the truth, though, is many people are afraid of picking the wrong person

I would hazard that Many single dont realize that They are the Wrong persons!….there has to be a good reason why you are involuntarily Single despite trying and looking left and right,eyes Thirsty, like a deer in headlights.

Quit with the bullshizzle as if uall are in some Due Diligence program no living married or married and divorced women have ever tried! :lol:

If it aint happening whats wrong with saying, “I tried, it aint happening, the men aint biting?”

For your Information,there are Plenty of Happy Married women out there….

Yea,Beyonce pointed at that Ring at half Time at the Superbowl, why dont you feel inspired and challenged?

Excuses,Excuses, Now today, its Self Delusion?

DIVA?

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 12th, 2013
10:01 am

Disco, when I say enjoy life, what I mean is don’t sit around and let life pass you by because no one is there to share it with. Most of the time people spend so much time looking for something better until they don’t enjoy what they have. Go to Jamaica and enjoy!! But if you don’t like my post you really want like Jamaica, cause that’s all they say (LOL)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H0xPWAtaa8

Celisea

February 12th, 2013
10:01 am

And with that….have a good day folks!!!

SlimNu - More of me

February 12th, 2013
10:03 am

Morning gang! Um, not much to say on topic so I’ll let yall have this one.

disco

February 12th, 2013
10:10 am

s/h – I know what you mean. I don’t disagree. I was just attacking those tired azz clichés. by the way, I already emailed my Jamaican friends this a.m. to see if/when they were planning on going home. if nothing on the horizon I’ll start checking cruises to Jamaica.

ex – we supposed to be inspired/challenged by beyonce’s ring in particular or just on GP?

leggs – people say I’m funny all the time. what exactly did you think was funny? (see I was so serious I don’t know where the joke was at). lol.

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
10:12 am

No joke, it’s simply your delivery on almost everything that amuses me. You have to remember, I have a warped sense of humor.

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:18 am

@Disco?

just on GP?

I aint geting that….tell me and i will come back and elucidate

disco

February 12th, 2013
10:20 am

leggs – well I do have an “ABM approved” mood today. that stands for arrogant black male and means that my attitude level is low (so far, right now, at the present time). lol. yeah. you know me and my friends ran with that one. lol.

ex – gp is general principle. essentially I’m asking you if we (single women) are supposed to be inspired/challenged by beyonce’s ring/marriage or any woman’s ring/marriage?

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:29 am

oghh. Disco….quit with the playing…u know how u women do….

ask urself if a married man wld show off their ring? why a woman?

It is a game(??) if not contest, women play…u celebrate and flaunt ur married status and Beyonce knows, her kinfolk were going to go gaga and green with envy or if not inspoired to want to follow her footsteps…a single woman getting ispired to get her own man…

and her song was like(i dont exactly know the lyrics) like saying i challenged the man and he delivered and here(showing off the ring to the single ladies) I DONE DID it!

So!? :lol

disco

February 12th, 2013
10:33 am

ex – I just didn’t know where you were going with it. have I seen some bad azz engagement rings? yep. did I want to be the chick with the ring? nope. did I envy her? not necessarily. a ring does not a chick make and even on the outside looking in I can see that not every marriage is all that (even if the ring is – lol) so no, I’m not sweating beyonce or any other chick that’s flaunting her ring. and don’t even get me started talking about the chicks who are bragging on some ugly or itty bitty cheap azz rings or the chicks who married the brothers who couldn’t even buy them rings or (God forbid) the chicks who bought their own rings. we could take this conversation some places but we’ll stop here.

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:33 am

@Disco…one more thought with uall….if its not Inspiration,its Haterration!

:lol: Women!

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:34 am

@Disco..my wife dont have a rign, but we married!

:lol:

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
10:39 am

That was a bunch of hooey (lol).

kimmie

February 12th, 2013
10:41 am

I just look at the entire topic as another excuse from those afraid to commit. It’s a really big excuse because if someone uses it as a reason for not wanting to marry, how do you counter that? I’m not talking to those that just don’t have the desire to marry – everyone does not. Not even those who tried it but are a little gun shy about doing it again. Those that use the excuse of choosing the wrong one – there really will never be a RIGHT one for them. Everyone they meet they pick apart. Even if they are happy with them, if this person has the majority of what they want in a mate, there will always be something holding them back. If you are on the recieving end of this type of treatment – RUN!! It will not get any better, I know from experience.

That’s what I get from Beyonce’s song – if you liked it so much, you should have put a ring on it and not thrown that fish back in the water. The lady in question did all she could to make it work, but you couldn’t decide, so she moved on to someone that would. Now you’re looking pittyful at the one you let get away!

disco

February 12th, 2013
10:47 am

kimmie – but you forget we live in a new age, a time were some of these (weak, soft, progressive?) men want “man-gagement” rings. lol. have y’all heard about that one? tell you what. I done run up on some that I liked but sure as heck ain’t buying no man-gagement ring. not the kid.

Into the Light

February 12th, 2013
10:52 am

Morning, all. :)

Celisea

February 12th, 2013
10:53 am

I honestly think Mmeelo waits for an opening to toss out his insults and assumptions, disrespect and insinuation. I sort of feel bad/sorry for his never ending, nonyeilding rants. To be compared to Hollywood folks ain’t exactly reality. To be compared cause she’s got a banging body (to some), ain’t reality. I refuse to dally in his never ending insults and diatribes, put downs and disrepsect.

Celisea

February 12th, 2013
10:55 am

And to try and explain, justify or give insight into choices one makes in life all because he’s got one train of thought, is crazy and futile. No way am I doing that…..nope lololololol

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:55 am

@Disco..so u think the problem is the men who decide Not to commit and not the women who are not committed to…?

Not to excuse the playaz but some women aint marriage material for some men..in their(men) eyes..

and women (african american) need to quit with the fakery..like they want it,next thing they dont want it…..this aint Dewayne wade fakery basketball….like that….if u want to be married act like a woman that wants marriage, ALLL THE DAMN TIME…UR WALK,UR TALK, UR WAYS……..

good thangs may happen..no guarantees but they just may!

kimmie

February 12th, 2013
10:56 am

Disco – Actually a guy friend that goes to my church floated that idea out to me many years ago! But he was trying to come up with an idea to make money, a man engagement ring! He didn’t ask his fiance’ to give him a ring, but he sho gave her a nice rock!!

Exiled – Sure most women like a nice ring, who wouldn’t. But any mature woman will tell you it’s not about the ring, or the wedding, it’s the marriage. All the fancy rings in the world won’t make up for picking a bad apple to marry and spend your life with. Anybody that’s hung up on mess like that is silly and immature. I’ve known folks that exchanged simple gold bands and went to the justice of the peace, did the dang thing and from outside seem happy and are together after many years. Oh, and they got BANK!!

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 12th, 2013
10:57 am

Disco, if you really want to enjoy Jamaica or any of the islands, you can’t do it on a cruise, but the all inclusive resorts are great. (but I’m partial, because I don’t think I would like cruises)

Oh I wasn’t trying to use a cliche, I just get so tired of folks whining about their lives and what they aint got

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
10:59 am

Cel..u think Beyonce is married coz of her hollywood body?

Really? how come Kelly, with an equally banging body, aint…?

U really think there are multitude of folks out there(women) who aint jumping , dropping waiting suitable guys Only because they are afraind of the deed of mariage? You really believe that…

A slew of women(worth to write a blog about) who are dropping elible men left rioght and center coz of fear of marriage.

Folks? This aint Insult….I refuse to accept that non fact.

disco

February 12th, 2013
10:59 am

ex – I wasn’t posting about anybody’s ability to commit. your initial post came off like single women are supposed to envy married women. I was simply stating that I don’t think it’s necessary. not saying envy doesn’t exist. I’m sure we’ve all dealt with it at some point but as a single woman I’m not walking around jealous of every married woman. shoot, I’m confident that some married women (burdened with excessive marital woes) are envious of me.

C – I feel you on ex. I indulge him when ain’t nothing else going on. lol.

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
11:00 am

Kimmie.I am Not talking about the ring(symbol)…..nope.

I simply referenced the ring as in marriage..

Duiisco is the one tinking about the ring…

Into the Light

February 12th, 2013
11:01 am

I said, MORNING, ALL!!!!!! :lol: :lol:

kimmie

February 12th, 2013
11:02 am

how come Kelly, with an equally banging body, aint…?

Uhmm, she was engaged awhile back, I think he was an athelete, but called it off.

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
11:03 am

Hey there, ITL. Welcome back.

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
11:03 am

still NOT married….@Kimmie..what hapened to that banging body…

Its not about the body, its the person,mind, commitment to MARRIAGE.

There are Plenty UGLY women(TO ME) who are married….

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
11:03 am

Oh, I see you’re now screaming at us. Glad I replied before seeing that mess.

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
11:04 am

Celisea ~ that’s why I said his post was a bunch of hooey.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 12th, 2013
11:04 am

Disco, Let me ask a question related to your 10:33….. Would you hold it against dude if he poped the question and he was packing a small……….. ring???

Celisea

February 12th, 2013
11:05 am

MMeelo – I don’t think non of what you posted. I think you use what folks posts as an opportunity to nice nastily insult, only because you’re on the outside looking in. I don’t assume no one is UNHAPPY on this blog, if they blog and say they’re happy!! To refute and hang on folks posts, saying otherwise and pretty much calling folks a liar cause they’re life ain’t modeled how YOU BELIEVE a happy life is model is unbelievable.

There are folks booed and not married and happy.
There are folks not booed, not married and happy.
There are folks happily married.
There are folks married and wish wish wish, they could get out.
There are folks that have spouses that ain’t happy and rather than work it out, result to cheating.

There are a number of scenarios in life where folks are happy….and unhappy. But because it doesn’t fit the mold or model you believe to be the only path to happiness is just plain silly at this point. You’ve spewing that mess since I started blogging. But to justify or try and prove otherwise, to a person behind the screen ain’t happening….not from me. I’ve done all the responding over the years I’m gonna do….lololololol :mrgreen:

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
11:05 am

single women are supposed to envy married women

@Disco..u like to spin the bad word.

Not envy but Inspired!

If marriage is such a good thing that a single woman is looking forward to, wouldnt another married person,maybe of same age Inspire them to want to do same?

Celisea

February 12th, 2013
11:05 am

Leggs – Exactly

disco – All I can do is SMH

Leggs

February 12th, 2013
11:06 am

Ex ~ Beyonce may have (because I don’t know), married JayZ to enhance their businesses and their music potential (along with loving him).

disco

February 12th, 2013
11:08 am

S/H – i’m more likely to cruise when traveling solo primarily because it’s more cost effective and it tends to lend to more social opportunities (plus I just like cruising). resort folks tend to be caught up in their own little groups unless you run into other solo travelers. now, if my friends go to Jamaica we’ll do the “real” Jamaica since they were born/raised there and have family there.

ex –I got on the ring because you said the ring. the ring isn’t representative of the marriage. either way, no envy here.

courtside – I expect a man to be able to provide me with a ring equal to or greater than a ring that I would buy for myself. if I have been dating a man long enough to be at that point he should know how he needs to bring it.

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
11:09 am

Cel….why dont we address the Topic instead and use ur arguments, if u do have them, to debunk what i said?

Coz there is no point in setting dogs on the post man. ME :lol:

kimmie

February 12th, 2013
11:12 am

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
11:12 am

Ex ~ Beyonce may have (because I don’t know), married JayZ to enhance their businesses and their music potential (along with loving him).

@Leggs…good point!

and actually, where I dome from,there is a saying that looselyy translated, says,”Marry who you know or marry someone from the same circles”

I only say that coz it makes sense fro a musician to marry another musician because they understand somewhat,the lifestyle…..

Its a model a single women could use for themselves…marry somebody from the same neighborhood etc…..they know somebody u know..they local…

IJS….

Exiled

February 12th, 2013
11:13 am

cba

February 12th, 2013
11:14 am

Courtside 8:31 & Kimmmie 10:41 = grandslam, slam dunk, hole-n-one, td, etc, etc

O/T was the BET awards a rerun last night?? Just happened to find it……liked SOS band.

disco

February 12th, 2013
11:15 am

random – since I’m a bit hungry and can use a snack I hate that I went to costco yesterday for gas but was too lazy to go inside for a box of trail mix. guess that’s what I get.