Are you different around friends?
My friend Brianna has dated someone for a couple of weeks and thought she had a “pretty good” sense of who he was. His personality, sense of humor, and his image was so attractive to her. It wasn’t long before she started getting those “butterfly” feelings about him.
This past weekend, she was introduced to his friends. Apparently, she was also introduced to a new side to her date. A side she had yet to see before now. The guy basically turned into a frat boy. Not in the good way, either. He was loud, obnoxious, a little misogynistic and nothing like the sweet dude she thought she was dating. She said even his voice sounded different!
When she pressed him later about his switch up in personality, he blamed it on the al al al chol (I’m sorry, I had to do it) and his boys. When they all get together, they kind of let it all hang out and let off steam.
I have seen men act differently around their friends, I’ve come to recognize this as some form of male bonding. I don’t know that it is necessarily a red flag. I can understand why Brianna was surprised, but should she be worried?
Do you change when you are around your close friends? Is there a side of your personality that only comes out around certain people?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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142 comments Add your comment
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
8:22 am
Hello all
Here we go with this thinking you know someone after dating a “couple of weeks” REALLY!! It takes six months to a year to really no anything about anything. Everything is great until the newness wears off, then you figure out is it really for you.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
February 11th, 2013
8:42 am
A year?
Even then, you don’t ‘know’ a person.
I’ve always been a proponent of detailed questions (not a questionare) about a person’s life, significant events, and their responses. This gives you a base line understanding of someone.
But life, and who a person is, is defined in the moments.
For instance, I experienced a (few) major life events in the last couple of years. And my wife was there for most of them. She saw how I handled pressure and pain (and vice versa). If anything, it was those seminal moments that told each of us about the other; more than the 15+ years of our prior interactions.
As for dealing with your friends, you should have a different aspect to your personality around them; especially depending on the tenure of your friendship.
My guys from high school and I act about the same way we did then. That is to say we assume the same roles. It’s where people are comfortable and what the friendship is, in part, based on.
My guys from college are different. We’ve grown together over the years, sharing life, love, loss, marriage, and children. But we met at a different times in our lives. We, too, still revert to our old patterns of behaviors and roles within the group.
Point is, she should acknowledge that he has these aspects to his personality and look at them in context to her exeperience with the dude. Just as he would do the same regarding her interactions with her homegirls from a certain period.
Context matters.
Good morning (SFTLP)
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
8:54 am
Dan, if you pay attention to how a person handles life’s little problems, you can tell how they will handle “life changing problems” you don’t need to ask any questions, just pay attention to the little things. but I digress.
IMissAtlanta
February 11th, 2013
9:07 am
Yes, when around your friends, you tend to get more comfortable and even a lil crazy because you will not be judged. I act more comfortable and even joke a bit more then I would around my neighbours or something. Even my husband tends to act out a bit. He is a physician who is always calm and cool until he is around his Chicago southside bestfriends ..then I see a side that I have NEVER seen before. When we were dating, I saw him do a 180 when we were visiting chicago, and it didn’t turn me off rather made me like him even more
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
February 11th, 2013
9:10 am
I disagree
A ‘little problem’ is by definition not indicative of a person’s personality.
Anyone can, and does, overreact to ‘little/minor’ issues based on the entirety of their day, their mood in the moment, and other factors unrelated to who they are.
Watching someone go through a major event is more telling IMHO
Exiled
February 11th, 2013
9:11 am
@Dan 8:42 I agree 100 on that post….!!
Man u handled that really well….
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
9:12 am
I don’t see this as a red flag at all. There are many facets to a person’s personality. She’s seeing another side. Eventually, she’ll get to all four corners completing who he is. Men act differently around their buddies, just like we can act differently around our girls.
Likka changes most, brings out the otherwise dormant Mr. Hyde in many people. If he doesn’t hang with his buddies on the regular, letting loose every now and then is good for the soul.
IMissAtlanta
February 11th, 2013
9:17 am
@ Dan – I agree with you. People act towards “life changing problems” according to “other factors unrelated to who they are”. I grew up sheltered so I tend to freak out easily then my husband. He was born and raised in an environment that made him tough which in result helps him NOT “freak out” easily.
disco
February 11th, 2013
9:27 am
good morning y’all. yeah we all have our different personalities. I break mine down as follows: at work disco and outside of work disco. outside of work disco can be broken down in two ways: around folks I know and like and around folks I don’t give a damn about. lol. and last but not least, I have my “elder” personality. I may get fly with some folks that are older but when I’m around my straight up respected batch of elders (grandparents, friends of grandparents etc) they get the best of disco.
as far as relationships go, dudes generally get the real me as the only time my true self is watered down much is at work and I have yet to have a boyfriend escort me to work. lol. I don’t shock guys so much as I shock different groups of girlfriends. I’ve found that my “book club” girlfriends get wide eyed if mixed in with my “round the way” girlfriends.
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
9:37 am
Hey disco,
People who feel they have to impress, put their best foot forward will change depending on who they are around. What most like about me is that I’m the same person from day 1 until day 1000000000001, either you like or you don’t, but it’s not going to change depending on the situation!
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
9:44 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, INFAMOUS DK!! – Hope day is fabulous on this wet, drizzling Monday.
SlimNu - Out from under a rock
February 11th, 2013
9:45 am
Morning folks,
I don’t think there is much to be worried about with this scenario because folks are 4 dimensional…never just black and white. I don’t act the way I would if I were hanging out with my real friends, than I would at a work function. Does that mean i’m fake or not being my true self? Nope, it’s just a matter of ‘time & place”.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
9:47 am
Happy BD DK!
disco
February 11th, 2013
9:50 am
single – many years ago – like 20 – one of my cousin’s boyfriends said that I was one of those folks you either like or you don’t. absolutely no gray area with me. I couldn’t even be mad when he said it because there’s some truth to it. a lot of folks think I talk to much, I’m too abrasive, I’m not sympathetic or empathetic enough. all I can say is oh well and go popeye on them. “I am what I am”.
slim – mentioning fake made me think of my “respect the truth” mantra. over the weekend groupon had some necklaces and one of them said truth (hope, love, faith were the others but I wanted truth). I slept on it. by the time I decided I wanted it the deal was up. oh well.
MsAtl
February 11th, 2013
9:50 am
Morning All!
Disco- I agree; I am more relaxed around certain groups and more formal around others. However, I am always me, straight up. I do believe that it is difficult to really get to know someone after a couple of weeks, because chances are you have only met their representative.
I think she will need to get to know him better. Also, define “a little misogynistic.” Was it an off-color joke or was it all out disrespect toward women? If it was the latter, then I would raise an eyebrow and be ’bout to be out.
disco
February 11th, 2013
10:03 am
I think my representative is out of work. lol. my representative is only present during job interviews (and related work type stuff). I’m the chick that tells guys straight up on the first date or whenever “yep. I’m crazy and I come from a long line of crazy. my momma is crazy, my aunties are crazy, my grandmomma is crazy. what?”. I’m not saying I am above playing games. I recognize game and I have a little bit of game but I never even understood the point of sending in a rep. I’m too selfish for the rep to be getting the play. lol.
Exiled
February 11th, 2013
10:03 am
Ima just give uall my Grammy run down coz I got so much today:
Johnny Depp..what was that rag
Jaenelle Monae..who was that Atlanta SWATS resident beside her
Whizz Khaliff..he bought that out fit at my flea market on Candler rd Decatur
J-Lo..great body and beauty,terrible puddy
Chris Brown..he just needs to do BET only for now
Mrs Brown can sing thoEmber Rose..me thinks she is a hollywood gol’ digger
Flo Rider brought his stripper, that was cheaper option than a real girlfriend
Adelle is fat
Kelly Clarkson is chubby but can sang
Love.. loved loved Katie Perry’s teotos
Is Bruno Mars formerly a man,turned woman, a woman turned man..im confused?
Beyonce looked Class..no hanging cleavage,go ahead Mrs..so did Kelly Rowland
I liked the Grammy music overall
Ll closed it well i think..great show overall
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
10:04 am
Disco, do you answer okay to a lot of statements about you? When people give me their unsolicited opinion of me, I just say “Okay!” and give that I don’t care (give a f**k) look
We seem to almost have the same personality 
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
10:08 am
MsATL on the misogynistic, you know that’s one of those things that most women will over look until it’s what they deem to late IE: in a long term relationship, or married. Just the LITTLE thing they let slide because it was put in the form of a joke.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
10:15 am
Hmmmm, I don’t think the dude in today’s post was faking, per se. I think she just saw another side or part of him.
I’m myself all the time, but with that, I handle some folks with a long handle spoon because (most times), it’s something I’ve encountered with them that made me think they couldn’t be trusted with the 100% me or just couldn’t be trusted at all….as in shady. There are folks that get the good morning, goodbye and goodnight and not even the long handled spoon because I got enough glimsp into their character or behavior to know they don’t need (or ain’t getting) more than that. Then there are those that get to see me 100% full fledged…lol They can take me and can roll with me and my many facets, wide open, no filters. But because I don’t feel the need to be an open book, does not mean I’m fake or hiding or not being myself. I’m watching folks as much as they’re watching me and if I don’t get the feeling that you’re being one hundeered (hundred), then naw, you won’t get up close and personal.
I remember once having lunch with one of my (dude) besties and he let the “p” word slip. It was funny to me cause it jumped out of his mouth before he could run catch it…lololol Normally, he’s always the gentlemen, no foul language, no bad boy behavior, just soooo sweet sweet sweet (mmmm hmmm), etc etc etc. Anyhoo, I had a onesided grin, cause I already knew him, his boys and how they roll. Funny today’s topic, cause I said “this must be how you talk with your boys.” He just laughed and said “my bad.” He never wanted me to see the debaucherous side…lol
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
10:17 am
Oh, and it don’t take forever to learn how folks are. You can peek into that within the first couple of months….of course IMO You won’t know them thoroughly but you’ll have some idea.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
10:18 am
Maybe that was my squareness that looked up when I heard the word…lololol
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
10:26 am
disco – You can’t handle the trooof lol
Robert
February 11th, 2013
10:31 am
Today, when you meet someone people use different standards. For example I had a women tell me who I just met that she would “google” me to find out if I had a history (married, ex-convict, etc.). Facebook is another source people will use to find out information on a potential mate (family, friends, pictures, etc.).
We live in a society that places a premium on electronic communications and information is available from a lot of sources. Once upon a time you would measure your dating success based on the amount of time spent/invested in getting to know the person. Know all kinds of information is available at the click of a mouse.
disco
February 11th, 2013
10:36 am
C – with me, I’m a mouthpiece. you can tell when I don’t like, don’t trust or am uncomfortable with someone because I don’t talk around them. if asked direct questions I’m really short with my replies. I simply do not eff with folks I don’t want to eff with. my friends and family peep it quick and try to remove me from the “offending” person or they try to instigate and start something with the offending person. lol. at work I’m the same on that front. I can be talking with someone or a group of people if that one somebody I don’t mess with joins the group, I’m out. just like that.
case in point. coworker I don’t mess with just asked if I had a good weekend. in my mind I’m like trick my weekend ain’t none of your daggone concern. mind your business. what I said was “sure”. and it was a real flat sure. she knows I don’t eff with her.
s/h – my son is quick to tell folks that his momma is “funny-acting”
disco
February 11th, 2013
10:38 am
slim – whether I can handle the truth or not is not the issue. I just need for folks (self included) to respect it.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
10:39 am
disco – Was just jokingly referring to a quote in the movie, “A Few Good Men”….. reeeeeelllllax But yeah, got your point.
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
10:42 am
Dang disco, you sound just like me, except the instigating, when someone tries to instigate something they catch my wrath, don’t play childish games.
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
10:44 am
Slim, I got your joke, but is it really the truth, or just someones opinion (usually unsolicited)
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
10:49 am
disco – I guess I might say we’re similiar except I’m a mouthpiece when I need to be. I’m not just yapping to be yapping or yapping to be a showoff. Most of the, all days, at work I’m quiet. I keep to myself and work. Where we differ is, if it’s someone I don’t care for, I don’t need to tell you that in order for you to know. I call that wasting breath and words. When I have no dealings with you, you’ll know. Now, if a tongue thrashing is garnered, they’re gonna get it…lol After they get it and get it good once, I’m done.
Like I said, giving a person my behind to kiss speaks much much louder than I can mouthed
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
10:52 am
Robert, how would goggling someone tell you about their personality? Beyond somethings that they may lie about.
disco
February 11th, 2013
10:54 am
C – I’m the quietest thing up in this office. I’m a mouthpiece with friends and family. again, I don’t really share words with folks I don’t like, don’t know, don’t trust. most of my family members are smokers. I’m allergic to smoke. I tend to lose my voice when I go home in the wintertime. talk about cruel and unusual punishment. me being at home with all my friends, family, play cousins and everybody and I can’t freaking talk. it’s terrible!!! lol.
s/h – that’s where respect the truth comes in. if I insult you and it’s true don’t get mad because it’s true. if it’s not true, why get mad? you know it ain’t true. now, I’ll let you call your own truth but either way, whatever the truth is, respect it. lol.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
10:55 am
Mmmmk
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
11:02 am
Dang, every woman on this blog has a fiery, feisty side, except Bluz;. Well, she’s acquiring one. Not one meek person resides in Blogsville. Wonder how that came about (lol).
disco
February 11th, 2013
11:05 am
leggs – never fear. we have a few soft azz blog men so it balances out. lol.
slim – your mmmmk. made me think of monk. I don’t know who watches/watched monk but last night I saw the episodes where he finally caught trudy’s killer. oh yeah. scandal people, I watched scandal yesterday too.
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
11:06 am
Morning all!
I agree with most of what has already been posted. There are many sides to one’s personality. It takes a while to see them all…
Leggs – LOL! I am developing my fiery, feisty side…It’s always been there, just getting a bit stronger!
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
11:08 am
Disco, my problem usually comes, because when I say okay, that’s not good enough, so they have to continue to tell me until I blow up, then I can’t handle the truth. It’s not that I can’t handle it, it’s that I don’t care what they think (LOL)
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
11:11 am
disco ~ straight up comedy.
Bluz ~ since I’ve seen you blast a few here, I know the fire is slowly intensifying.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
11:11 am
I went to a birthday dinner at Copelands yesterday. While it was raining, I’m glad I went. The food was great, the company was great! I was nervous about going because I was up Sunday at 4:00 throwing up…ugh
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
11:13 am
So disco, what makes a man soft?
disco
February 11th, 2013
11:13 am
s/h – I ain’t said nothing about handling the truth. I said learn to respect it. there’s a very simple but powerful lesson in respecting the truth. lol – you not caring about what people thinks puts me in mind of me not caring about people’s feelings. I get irked as heck when grown folks go to whining about their feelings. they need to check that mess at the door.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
11:17 am
disco – I’ve heard of that show but never watched it…
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
11:18 am
So disco, what makes a man soft? – May I join in on the answer
1. One who looks for clothes to compliment his skin tone. I couldn’t resist….
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
11:18 am
Disco, is there a difference between respecting it, and handling it. either way it goes, it’s still their opinion. yea people do need to check their feelings.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
11:19 am
SlimNu ~ Monk is a good show. He’s quirky, eccentric and has lots of phobias. It’s quite entertaining watching him.
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
11:19 am
Leggs (rotflmao)
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
11:21 am
One more “off topic”….I bought a new bed this weekend!!! Sterns and Foster from Macys. I can’t WAIT for it to be delivered. I actually bought a bed and Beautyrest mattress set from American Signature Furniture first, and then decided to stop by Macy’s on my way home. So I returned the Beautyrest from American Signature Furniture (ain’t got my money back yet
), but went back to Macy’s and got the S & F. I’m just stoked right about now. Naturally the dude at ASF was NOT happy when he saw me walking back in to return the purchase. I didn’t return the (sleigh)bed but I’m tettering. I saw another one I wanted that’s just absolutely gorgeous. My electrician deferred me to a furniture copy he and his wife uses and they pretty much order the furniture. I saw a bed that I want. That dude really ain’t gonna be happy when/if I return the bed I got there.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
11:23 am
I should have said I bought a mattress set from Macy’s, not bed
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
11:23 am
And it’s Stearns and Foster, not Sterns….okay I’m done and gone….
BBL, maybe
abc
February 11th, 2013
11:35 am
I’d say I’m the same pretty much around anyone. To be any different is to be acting, no? Posing? Let us not be the poseur. I actually think that people appreciate that about me — what you see is what you really get.
disco
February 11th, 2013
11:37 am
s/h – handling implies action. respect implies acceptance. you can accept it without necessarily having to do anything about it. man, let’s not break this down. it’s simple. respect the truth (period).
leggs – you can have that one. I was determined to leave it (the soft brothers) alone. re monk: yeah. I like that show. some episodes are just entertaining but some are outright hilarious.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
11:59 am
Morning/almost Afternoon Gang!
I agree, everyone tends to have some difference in their personality for different situations, no matter what they say. My “basic” personality is the same, but yes I tweek it a bit for the situation. I am very professional at work, don’t use much slang, and remain rather calm. I am easy-going and don’t mind a little networking and team/peer interaction, but for the most part I keep to myself. I keep close friendships out of the office, and I don’t get buddy-buddy with my subordinates. I have an aura about me that commands respect, that’s why I don’t use alot of slang or joke alot at work. I don’t freak out when something happens, because I know my team expects me to act like a leader and hold it together.
My outside of work persona is not much different, except that I am more relaxed. As a parent, I’m aware my kids look to me as an example, so they know I mean business. But I absolutely LOVE to cut up and clown! They really have to stay on their toes with me!!
Only the topics of conversation are different when it comes to my behavior around my man and that of friends/family. I show all of them the respect they deserve – but I definitely let my hair down!
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
12:07 pm
Man…I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open today!!!! Zzzzzzzz
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
12:14 pm
Disco, I guess what I’m trying to say, if I didn’t ask for or we’re not having a conversation where giving your opinion would come out. Why would there be a need for me to respect or handle the truth.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
12:16 pm
disco ~ thanks, but I’m done with it.
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
12:19 pm
I tend to tone it down a bit when wifey is on the set. I don’t become a different person, but I am on my best behavior. I noticed that with some of my potnahs as well. A friend of mine brought his wife to the super bowl party. He’s an attorney and normally loud and boisterous, that evening he was subdued and reserved. His wife was the life of the party. Ironically, I have found that to be a common dynamic in my relationship as well. The men have very dominant and aggressive personalities amongst ourselves, but when our ladies are around, their presence is equally as strong and they typically out shine us. Consequently, when we’re all together at social settings, the guys chill out a little more and let the ladies do they’re thing. I can remember one of my potnahs saying “Dayum ..DuShawn I never seen you this quiet before. Now we know how to make you shut up…..just invite your Wifey.”
abc
February 11th, 2013
12:27 pm
Nearly opposite for me; I’m almost always the same, work or play, no matter who’s around, and neither sweetie nor I are much into loud and boisterous, neither ourselves or from others. I want my wife to know who I really am; I don’t want to have to tailor my behavior (ergo, be a fake, to me) around anyone. What you see is what you get, reliably.
disco
February 11th, 2013
12:28 pm
S/H – we done beat this horse to death. geez. you either get it or you don’t and I really think you do. you just the type to like to keep mess going and I’m just the type that likes to prove a point. lol. folks talk period. folks give unsolicited advice, folks voice opinions whether you ask for them or not. other folks could spend a lot of time worrying about it and having hurt feelings behind it when they wouldn’t care if they understood the principle behind respecting the truth. when I was in junior high I got caught up in some he said/she said mess in school. I came home and told my mother what went down. my mother told me that people talked about Jesus and I was no better than he was. translation “so what folks talk about you”. respect the truth single. all that other stuff you yapping is just yapping.
S/H – now I say all that but I’m not going to front like I’ve never jumped on a “what you say” tip. I have but when it’s all said and done, when we finish scratching and punching and pulling hair and all that, the truth still remains.
MsAtl
February 11th, 2013
12:33 pm
Single- I learned the hard way not to overlook the “joking” disrespect. My ex constantly played the “joke” card and it was the source of many arguments. At almost 50 years old, he publicly refers to his new wife as “United Nations” puddy because she is biracial. after putting up with it from him, that is not not something I will overlook.
Disco- I had to laugh at your “funny acting” remark. Someone called me funny acting because they said I was too uppity to borrow a pair of pajamas to spend the night out.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
12:48 pm
My 10:49 should have read:
Most of the day, all days, at work I’m quiet
I come back to a ghost town. Alright, got a conference call from 1:00 – 2:30…sigh
Have a good day folk(s)….if anybody is left on here…lololololol
disco
February 11th, 2013
12:54 pm
ms atl – all those “I’m just playings”. uh-uh. you ain’t playing. you think you slick. trying to slide one it. whatever.
MsAtl
February 11th, 2013
12:58 pm
Exactly Disco! There ain’t that much joking in the world.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
1:02 pm
On point, disco. I too have to all someone out on a bunch of I’m just playing. Trying to get slick with a smile isn’t going over my head.
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
1:03 pm
Disco, wasn’t trying to start any mess, just trying to have a conversation
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
1:23 pm
What’s going on in here today? Everyone take a moment to get up from your desks, stretch it out and take a few deep slow breathes.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
1:30 pm
O/T: I’m going to the casino for the first time…any pointers on which machines to play. Don’t about black jack. I seem to only beat the dealer online (lol).
Exiled
February 11th, 2013
1:36 pm
Now, what uall think about the chief paedophile resigning his post?
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
1:39 pm
Leggs – I’ve never won any big money on slots….I have won at Roulette though
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
1:48 pm
Looking forward to the Roulette table. Oh yeah!
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
1:54 pm
Not to bring anybody down but my co-worker just lost her mom last week. We are all surprised about how well she tries to put her game face on while at work, and for her father and son. (She is an only child and are very close to her parents) He dad has been a complete lost wreck the whole time her mom was hospitalized and I think the fact she tries to stay strong for him, is making it hard for her to grieve however she needs to. Well, today has been a pretty bad day for her. She told us that she finally had to tell her dad to leave her house over the weekend, because he was just crying endlessly. What really got me was when she said she finally laid down last night to watch tv and she reached for her phone to call her mom, as she normally would on a Sunday evening. That just made me want to cry for her. I cannot imagine that feeling…I just feel so helpless with her even though I know there isn’t much anyone can do. I just told her that she’ll have to just talk to her mom in a different way as opposed to using the phone. She did give me a half smile
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:11 pm
Slim – Sounds like your words were comforting. That’s tough.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:14 pm
You did good, SlimNu. It’s easy to offer ones condolences, but sometimes difficult for a person to actually acknowledge it. Some are empty words like a chosen Hallmark card that doesn’t really fit you. If you like to offer any support other than what you’ve already, do something outside the box.
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
2:14 pm
Since everyone is so quiet. I will share my weekend. Me and the Fam did Chattanooga, Tenn. It was little man’s 9th birthday. We went to Ruby Falls and the Incline railroad. I did a little research online and was excited about the train ride up and down Look Out Mountain. I’m thinking this should be dope. It’s a beautiful day, I’m expecting to see all these grand, breath taking, panoramic views, I paid the 65 bucks for my entire tribe to get on this trolley car, and we leave the station. Man, it was like taking a tour of some alley in Bankhead somewhere. Apparently, the route has gotten dilapidated over the years. It took us behind these old run down houses with broke down Chevy’s in the drive ways and garbage piles in the back. I’m like WTF, my little man was saying “Daddy this is wack!” We couldn’t wait to get off. Afterwards we hit the aquarium, then the Zoo and finished up at Buffalo Wild Wings downtown watching some college basketball (you know that was my suggestion). We got him a cake, the server brought him a hat and they announced his name over the intercom. Seeing his face at that moment was priceless. When we got back Sunday we got another cake and some pizzas and had a party at the house so he could vibe with his little neighborhood potnahs. As I type this, wifey is in route to drop off cup cakes and juice boxes to the aftercare so he could continue the celebration with his school homies.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:17 pm
Related to the topic: You know, I have never really bought into this “representative” thing that people assign those they are getting to know. I’ve never believed it’s that much acting in the world. Looking back on men I’ve dated, there was nothing really new they could show me, no matter how long we knew each other – there were always some kind of signs. It was up to me to either recognize them or not.
What is the difference between a person being a true fake versus just having different sides to their personality?
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:18 pm
kimmie/Leggs – Well we all got together and had a plant delivered to the funeral services and she said she REALLy appreciated it. It just makes me feel bad for her bc the mere thought of losing someone that close to me is unimaginable.
Anyhoo, on a lighter note, did any of you watch the Grammy’s? (I didn’t lol)
disco
February 11th, 2013
2:19 pm
leggs – speaking of casinos (gambling) how come I went to bingo on Friday. I know someone else here went recently but I don’t remember who. I won $100. nothing to write home about but I only paid $15 to play so it was mad money.
dushawn – not that jr. said it was whack. now that’s funny.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:21 pm
Du – I remember doing the Lookout Mountain thing as a child/preteen and we thought it was the greatest thing! Sorry to hear it’s gone down. That was a dear childhood memory.
disco
February 11th, 2013
2:24 pm
kimmie – now I know you gotta know the difference between a true fake azz trick and one who just shows different facets of her personality. the real fake trick is the one who is all grinning, cheesing, smiling in your face while complimenting you on this that and the other and is talking about you like a dog as soon as you round the corner. the real fake trick is the one who is volunteering to help you out in your time of need (whatever that may be) and is trying to screw your husband in the process. come on now. we all know some real fake azz MFs.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:26 pm
kimmie – A true fake would probably be those women & men on those “who the hell did I marry” shows….or con artists, of folks that have double lives…
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
2:27 pm
“true fake” is oxymoronic…lol
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:28 pm
Slim – I watched a little. I don’t really watch award shows that much anymore, I just like to see the red carpet and check out what folks are wearing.
Seems like Beyonce toned it down considerably for the Grammy’s, like she was being purposely low key. Some were saying her outfit was too casual for the event and I agree. I like J Lo but she looked stank last night. Nobody really “brought it’ with the clothes last night to me. I’m gonna see what they say on Fashion Police tonight.
V103 played Justin Timberlake’s Grammy performance on the radio – it sounded pretty good.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:28 pm
A friend of mine father’s died last Monday. I thought of the plant/flower arrangement and remembered http://www.insteadofflowers.com.
You made $85…that’s always a good day.
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
2:30 pm
Slim – that’s so sad…I dread the day when I lose my mom. I don’t think there are any words to comfort her completely, but you did good with what you said.
Du – That sounds like a nice trip for the little man! Too bad lookout mountain stunk! How was Ruby Falls? I’ve never been there.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:31 pm
Disco – LOL!! Girl, I’m not crazy, I know it when I’m dealing with a fake! I’m just reading alot of these comments and the topic and I’m like it sounds like some just have a different side to them they only wish to share with certain people. That’s not what I would call fake.
Cel – It is an oxy, isn’t it?!LOL!!
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
2:34 pm
Kimmie – Yes it is!!!
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:35 pm
SlimNu ~ I had the Grammy’s on. Some interesting performances.
Did not care for TSwift opening number nor her spin on Alice in Wonderland. The girl is a female garden tool.
JLo’s dress was interesting, but her thighs are not tight. The jiggled from the moment she took to stage. Her shoes were fierce.
Rihanana’ heartfelt song (don’t know name of it) was sung as if only she and Chris Brown was in the room! She meant every word she was signing.
Justin Timberlake did good
Fun/Bruno Mars had fun (lol). I didn’t understand why Janae Monel (sp) was never mentioned, thanked or on stage with them since she was featured on the song that won.
Carrie Underwood’s “digital” dress was spectacular and very creative (IMO)
Love Miquel, but him that that toothpick (Wiz Kalief??) should have coordinated their outfits. Optically, wasn’t very appealing (lolol).
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:36 pm
disco – That was me that played recently. Matter of fact, a friend of mine were supposed to go yesterday be we decided to rain check it for another day. At least you won something, because last time i went, we got ONE freaking number away from winning $1000 but someone got it before us.
We usually go on Sunday’s but I think we should try for a Tuesday night…maybe improve our chances with less folks on a week night. (even though most are probably retired lol) Where did you play?
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:42 pm
Leggs – I was trying to put my finger on what it was about J Lo’s dress! I have no problem with a high slit or anything sexy, as long as it’s done in good taste and you have the body to pull it off. That was just not flattering on her last night. I thought it bunched up at the crotch too, and looked wierd!
Not a Taylor Swift fan at all. I was wondering about that Janel Monet thing too, why she didn’t go up when they got the award.
disco
February 11th, 2013
2:44 pm
kimmie – just checking. you have to stay on your game. fake hoze are all around us. look around, look around. lol. (of course I’m not implying that blog chicks are fake hoze – never that. just saying in your real life, look around, look around).
slim – I went to a little church on Friday night (i’m not in atl). low jackpots. the coverall big prize of the night was $500. I did good to win that $105 on the first game by myself. most of the other games were only like $75 and folks were sharing them. I bought the minimum number of cards to play and could hardly keep up with that. girl when I bingo’d I had to ask the little old man next to me if I won before I hollered bingo. lol. you know they were schooling me on where to go though. this place on Tuesday, this place on Thursday, this place on Friday. I was like bingo really is a subculture. lol.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:48 pm
Don’t know about crotch area, but her legs are nice and tight, her thighs not so much. Couldn’t tell if JZ’s look was one of appreciation, or Oh, No she didn’t! Well, the slit was a bit high
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:48 pm
DuShawn ~ not good you had to leave Georgia just to ride the train around Bankhead. Not a good look.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:51 pm
disco – The first time I went, I felt really lost. Good thing I was at a table with some expert bingo players..so I see them every time I go. It’s almost like a side job for them, like gambling lol
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:51 pm
disco – I’ve always been one that will kinda lay back in the cut and observe. Some folks are so obvious with their insincerity, I just wonder how others can’t see it! As for me, some folks take my easy-going nature and sometimes quiet to mistakenly think I’m not hip to what’s going on.
I SO AGREE about seeing thru the “just joking” mess too!! That’s one my mom actually hipped me too rather early.
Willie Dynamite
February 11th, 2013
2:53 pm
Afternoon all,
Personalities are indeed multi-tiered. Some folks are plain Jane 100% same way all the time. Some folks are layered. Personally I am somewhat different depending on the crowd I keep. At all times however I am cool and laid back. I have been accused of being calculating. I just say I’m not a knee jerk reaction type of dude. My conversation style is that of a counterpuncher. I like to listen more than talk. I don’t have a need to tell folks I’m this or that or will do this or that. I listen to them spout al of that. I roll with the punches and typically can get on whatever level with whomever I need/want to at the time. Works for me, probably drives some folks crazy. Sucks for them.
disco
February 11th, 2013
3:20 pm
are we slow enough for me to introduce a topic for discussion?
Jake-SPJTWB
February 11th, 2013
3:22 pm
Can’t hang long…but shid Leggs–J-Lo’s thigh looked fine to me, I likes me some ham…Katy Perry..scrumptious, and Kelly Rowland ain’t stoppin at the supwerbowl, very sexy in that dress
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:25 pm
Jake, I was merely mentioning her jiggly thighs.
Kelly Rowland looked beautiful and sexy
Jake-SPJTWB
February 11th, 2013
3:28 pm
Yes they did, you know that was that residual jiggle that came from that tas jiggling behind her..loved it
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:29 pm
Glad you loved it, Jake. You’re not alone (lol).
Jake-SPJTWB
February 11th, 2013
3:31 pm
Blog Roses ladies…head nod fellas, what up around here?
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
3:31 pm
disco – PLEASE save us from the molasses….I’m in favor of topic change
disco
February 11th, 2013
3:35 pm
slim – well I’m not claiming it’s exciting but…
a friend and I have been discussing this today and are apparently on two different sides of the fence. a guy gave her the old standby excuse that black men (in particular he and his friends) don’t want to date black women because of our attitudes. (just for the sake of argument we’ll take it for face value and won’t go into all the other angles here). my friend is of a mind that we black women really should start checking our attitudes and maybe our attitudes are the reason why so many of us are single. I told her not to let dude bamboozle her. i say attitude isn’t even what it’s really about. I say these particular guys don’t want to deal with their own issues (whatever they are) and saying we have an attitude is an easy cop out (not denying that we have attitudes but let’s face it, who doesn’t?). in short, I say the bad attitude argument only applies to the guys who can’t get away with what they are trying to get away with because attitude always checks them. what says you good people? after much back and forth, my friend and I decided to agree to disagree.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:41 pm
Blog thank you, Jake.
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
3:41 pm
If it were up to me, I would date only white women. When I mentioned that to my wife, she caught an attitude
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
3:41 pm
Since we’ve distinguished today that you can be multi-faceted and not really fake. How bout a little afternoon follies of what constitute “fake” or true fakes, I should say
You are fake if…….
1. You operate in life under an alias. Blog monikers get a pass,
unless of course in the virtual world you have several
2. You can hold a conversation while retracting your fangs.
3. Participate or engage in activities where your SO would birth a cow
if they knew
4. Yousa undercover ho, with a “great guy” tshirt
5. “Attempt” to fish out the same pond
6. If you believe you’re smart enough to “attempt” to fish out of the
same pond and not know, folks talk
7. “Attempt” to fish out of the same pond and you’re off the market
8. If your first name is “durty”, and this is no reflection on our
resident “Dirty Bird.”
9. If really, you don’t think women amount to much, but come off as
their biggest fan!!
10. See #2….
Just having a little afternoon fun, since it’s dragging in here and of course from a woman’s perspective…lolololol
disco
February 11th, 2013
3:46 pm
really and truly I don’t care who dates who. I’m just amazed that my girl let a dude get in her head like that. she’s really at a point of adjusting/adapting who she is to fit the model of what she thinks these guys want. that’s never good.
disco
February 11th, 2013
3:48 pm
celisea – in real life my alias/club name is tracy Johnson. I’ve been “tracy Johnson” since junior high. been tracy Johnson so long that I turn around in a crowd when someone says tracy. lol.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:49 pm
To say we have an attitude is another way of saying we will “check” them and not accept anything and everything they say. Most people don’t get mad just for the heck of it.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:51 pm
You’re right, disco, that is never good. She’s going to adjust and modify for what she “THINKS” her new man might want. Flag on play, never mind, let him play her! Silly rabbit….
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
3:51 pm
disco – I agree with you on that. Every man I’ve heard complain like that, and not just black men about black women, but other men complaining about “American” women, etc, are usually the dudes that met women who would not let them get over on them.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
3:52 pm
disco – If you say “club alias”, you get a pass for that. Not giving out your real name in that kind of scene is just smart….of course IMO. Me though? I’m just a little too
Well, at least no more I don’t.
squaredvanilla to do clubsSlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
3:57 pm
Back in the day I used Tiffany as my ‘club name’ lol What’s so funny is later on down the road a I met a friend of mine name Tiffany and My name was her club name. Go figure right!
disco – Unless this dude is messing with folks with a serious anger management problem, he’s looking for a sheep or something that can be led easily.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
3:57 pm
In re-reading Diva’s post and my top ten, now that I think about it, dude blamed it on the alcohol. I would say that’s leaning towards fake….possibly. If he would have said, oh baby I’m just letting my hair down and introducing you to a side you haven’t experienced, that might have been different. But to resort to blaming it on the al al al cohol, makes me go hmmmmmm
disco
February 11th, 2013
3:58 pm
leggs – that’s the argument I was making when I was asking her not to get sucked in by dude’s lame argument. she got sucked in (guess dude had mad talk game). it’s all good but like I said, changing you to be (or try to be) what someone else wants is not a good look.
kimmie – thanks for sharing my viewpoint. I can’t believe how long we went back and forth on that with her not budging. again, we finally agreed to disagree.
C – I haven’t been to a club in forever ever but any time a situation arises where I don’t want to use my real name out pops “tracy”. lol.
abc
February 11th, 2013
3:58 pm
What is the difference between a person being a true fake versus just having different sides to their personality?
If you have a dramatically different speech pattern around some than others (i.e., dialect, accent, use of slang and profanity) then you’re posing. Be yourself. If you won’t say or do something in front of some, there’s a reason for that; maybe you should follow your model behavior all the time — unless you think the opposite, in which case, why be kissin azz on the favored few?
I suppose one could enumerate a list of things like that — but basically, be yourself, all the time. Bring everything you have to the table. Don’t hold back, don’t front like you’re something you’re really not. Else, you’re a fake. In my opinion, your mileage may vary, all that.
Chattanooga is fun if you’re into a small town vibe, which I am. Incline railway definitely not what it once was; Rock City, Ruby Falls, yeah they’re still there. Watching a Lookouts game is a good thing. Aquarium, IMAX, a couple good restaurants, B&B’s — that’s it! You can cover Chattanooga pretty well in just a couple of days.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:00 pm
It’s been so long since I been in a club, but I remember saying whatever came to mind. I didn’t have a name I stuck with, per se. I just didn’t give out my name. It was funny too, when they called you’re like, you’re looking for who??? Guess I should have been smart and stuck with an assigned alias. lolololol
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
4:03 pm
disco ~ many are looking for that woman they can easily get into their mind. Like SlimNu said, they;’re looking for sheep they can lead. Nothing has changed.
AND, please let it be known I’m not equating an inquiring woman with a boisterous woman, shaking her head from side with her hands on her hips. We all don’t do that. Heck, I for one can’t even do a neck roll.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:03 pm
If you have a dramatically different speech pattern around some than others (i.e., dialect, accent, use of slang and profanity) then you’re posing. Be yourself. If you won’t say or do something in front of some, there’s a reason for that; maybe you should follow your model behavior all the time — unless you think the opposite, in which case, why be kissin azz on the favored few
I think this goes back to folks (well, at least me), saying for reason they’re certain way with certain folks. Doesn’t make you a fake just because someone gets the fully monty and someone doesn’t. For reasons, one gets the full monty and others don’t.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
4:05 pm
Cel – Thinking back, I used to give out a fake name too in the clubs. It’s been so long, I’ve forgotten about that!LOL!!! I was not too smart with it either.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:06 pm
And when I got older, I learned to give out my real name but my sister’s number…lololololol Instead of my number and a fake name. And really, in clubs, often it didn’t get that far. It was mostly convo, a drink and a dance.
disco
February 11th, 2013
4:06 pm
abc – I don’t think the speech patterns necessarily constitute fake. I say this because how I talk at work, how I talk to my street level friends, how I talk to my “don’t know nothing bout the streets” friends, how I talk to my grandparents. all of them get different vernaculars and tones but all of it is pure me.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:09 pm
Kimmie – I look back at those times and even though me and my girls thought we were balling, I wouldn’t give anything to go back to that time. But, it was fun while we were living it.
Mayne oh mayne, I would just drop anything, any name. Not like Shambooka or Triketa. More simple names like Sharon or Pam. Hahahahaha, I’m laughing as I type this
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
4:11 pm
There is a way to “network” without brown-nosing and being phony about it. I’m generally myself at work, very even-tempered and pleasant, but I don’t open up to people at work, only to friends and family.
disco – I remember my first serious boyfriend tried to pull that mind game on me. I was young and green and foolish, but not that foolish. Either he accept me for the person I was or find someone else. He found someone else, which was just fine.
disco
February 11th, 2013
4:15 pm
C – I only gave out fake numbers when I was being dirty. this was way back in the day. no cells yet. If I had a “romantic rival” chick or some chick I just didn’t like I’d give out her number. lol. one time I was dealing with a dude who neglected to tell me about his other woman. when I found out about her I’d give guys her name and her man’s number. lol. yeah. I was wrong. whatever.
kimmie – this is why I’m a bit weirded out by the exchange. granted this particular friend isn’t one of my “wild” friends. in fact, she’s relatively mild mannered, soft spoken. the last thing I’d associate with her is a bad attitude. not saying she doesn’t have her moods like everyone else. this is why I’m thinking dude is spitting mad game on her.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
4:15 pm
I wouldn’t give anything to go back to that time. But, it was fun while we were living it.
Cel – Amen, I had my fun but I tell my neices and such it’s their day with all that. Don’t want to go back!
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:15 pm
And really, I don’t come to work to make or be friends. I keep it tip top while I’m here. I don’t need to get “laid back.” Shoot, they’ll just look at me like I done lost my mind up in here. I can’t even write in emails like I blog
While reminiscing…..
My pastor is young and she and I was sitting together watching something on t.v. and an Absolut commercial came on. She turned and asked if ever had it. Of course I laughed and told her about the card parties the kid’s dad and I would attend. He was NOT a good player so me and Kevin the Kappa (y’all remember him, I got smacked over him), and I use to pair up and talk MUCH trash. Needed to be fueled for playing…lol Of course none of the other women in my circle played because they couldn’t take the trash talking…lol And naturally the kid’s dad would be irked by the end of the game.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:17 pm
disco – I’d give guys her name and her man’s number. lol. yeah. I was wrong. whatever.
I just laughed out loud on this one. While I wouldn’t do it now, I can’t even say anything about it cause that’s some mess I would have done back in the day. I was a handful back then….whew buddy
disco
February 11th, 2013
4:19 pm
C – what? not drinking, playing spades and talking trash. that’s what I was made for. shoot, even sober, I can talk some trash playing cards or not playing cards. lol. funny. growing up I had one grandmother who forbid us from playing with cards, dice, anything. and another grandmother who had regular card parties at her house. go figure.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:20 pm
I only gave out fake numbers, if I absolutely knew it was gonna go no further than the space between us while standing and talking…lol I gave out my sister’s number to possibles and potentials…lololol My sister was cool as ever about it too. She would just say “Celisea is not in” and call me and tell me they called. Then I’d call back, blocking my real number….ha ha ha ha ha
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
4:21 pm
disco – Now you KNOW I could play and talk trash sober, but if it was a party where there was a lot of folks and I needed to have my game on, I would get likka’d up a bit. Wooosaaaah, needed to be at my best and on top of my game…lololol
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
4:22 pm
disco – Oh I know he’s playing games then. I told you, with that 1st boyfriend, I was green. He used to try to see how far he could go with me, and me feeling out the whole relationship thing for the first time, I normally didn’t speak up for myself much. As time went on though, I found my voice, and even though I was still my mild-mannered self, no neck-rolling or cussing, I spoke up. That knocked him for a loop and he had the nerve to tell me I had an “attitude problem”! I was completely puzzled by that because that would be the last way anyone that knows me would describe me! I knew them I was being played!LOL! No more, though!!
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
4:24 pm
Nite!
abc
February 11th, 2013
4:26 pm
Purposely tailoring behavior is not acting?
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
4:36 pm
I have my fake name while being approached by people I don’t want to deal with…it’s Katie. When I was younger, I would give out the number to my local Pizza Hut to guys!!! There once was a rejection line phone number you could give out (may still exist) and I gave it a couple of times. Quite funny!
disco
February 11th, 2013
4:38 pm
kimmie – it’s not his game that surprises me. it’s the fact that a 40 something year old woman is falling for it hook, line and sinker. smdh.
bluz – what? you weren’t telling the 867-5309 or 777-9311. lol?
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
4:42 pm
@abc “If you have a dramatically different speech pattern around some than others (i.e., dialect, accent, use of slang and profanity) then you’re posing……. I partially agree with that, I have always valued the ability to speak articulately without sacrificing one’s ethnic tone. I do however; adjust my choice of words contingent upon the listeners. If the fellas are in mixed company, out of respect for the ladies, we wouldn’t talk as we would amongst ourselves. Additionally, regarding slangs and colloquialisms, the use of these terms are inappropriate in a professional setting. I don’t believe refraining from doing so makes you fake. It’s a time and a place for everything.
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
4:42 pm
disco – Couldn’t make it too obvious! LOL
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
4:49 pm
Chicks aren’t the only ones to give out fake names and numbers…I used to tell them my name was Pierre…….. “Sak Pase, Nap boule”, My number was 305-696-0800. That was the number to the Humane Society.
disco
February 11th, 2013
4:51 pm
dushawn – I’m real careful about mixing my groups of friends. some folks just ain’t going to work together. I had a party once where I mixed straight hood with upwardly mobile (and a little bit snooty). we wound up with one group in the kitchen talking about BJs and the other group in the living room talking about diet/nutrition/exercise. I did my hostess duty and went back and forth but the kitchen people were getting it. a lot of times i try not to mix them because my poor little “UM” friends often have that deer in the headlight look when I get the groups together. lol.
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
4:55 pm
disco – I only have one group of friends. They are all hood at heart. You can’t tell the ones with GED’s from the ones with PHD’s. When we’re together no one cares what you got.
disco
February 11th, 2013
5:04 pm
dushawn –I always feel like I’m “passing” in those UM circles. that stuff just isn’t my true comfort zone. I was having breakfast with this guy over the weekend. we hadn’t seen each other in a while and he asked how things were going. I mentioned that I personally knew 3 people who’ve been killed since xmas and one who they tried to kill but is still holding on. dude looked at me like “who are your people, who do you know, should I be worried”. it was funny.
Dirty Bird (Rise-up)
February 11th, 2013
9:11 pm
Note to self…Disco…likes to get down and dirty hood style.
Not to self…BluzGirl willl give you a fake phone number and name…