Are you different around friends?
My friend Brianna has dated someone for a couple of weeks and thought she had a “pretty good” sense of who he was. His personality, sense of humor, and his image was so attractive to her. It wasn’t long before she started getting those “butterfly” feelings about him.
This past weekend, she was introduced to his friends. Apparently, she was also introduced to a new side to her date. A side she had yet to see before now. The guy basically turned into a frat boy. Not in the good way, either. He was loud, obnoxious, a little misogynistic and nothing like the sweet dude she thought she was dating. She said even his voice sounded different!
When she pressed him later about his switch up in personality, he blamed it on the al al al chol (I’m sorry, I had to do it) and his boys. When they all get together, they kind of let it all hang out and let off steam.
I have seen men act differently around their friends, I’ve come to recognize this as some form of male bonding. I don’t know that it is necessarily a red flag. I can understand why Brianna was surprised, but should she be worried?
Do you change when you are around your close friends? Is there a side of your personality that only comes out around certain people?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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142 comments Add your comment
disco
February 11th, 2013
11:37 am
s/h – handling implies action. respect implies acceptance. you can accept it without necessarily having to do anything about it. man, let’s not break this down. it’s simple. respect the truth (period).
leggs – you can have that one. I was determined to leave it (the soft brothers) alone. re monk: yeah. I like that show. some episodes are just entertaining but some are outright hilarious.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
11:59 am
Morning/almost Afternoon Gang!
I agree, everyone tends to have some difference in their personality for different situations, no matter what they say. My “basic” personality is the same, but yes I tweek it a bit for the situation. I am very professional at work, don’t use much slang, and remain rather calm. I am easy-going and don’t mind a little networking and team/peer interaction, but for the most part I keep to myself. I keep close friendships out of the office, and I don’t get buddy-buddy with my subordinates. I have an aura about me that commands respect, that’s why I don’t use alot of slang or joke alot at work. I don’t freak out when something happens, because I know my team expects me to act like a leader and hold it together.
My outside of work persona is not much different, except that I am more relaxed. As a parent, I’m aware my kids look to me as an example, so they know I mean business. But I absolutely LOVE to cut up and clown! They really have to stay on their toes with me!!
Only the topics of conversation are different when it comes to my behavior around my man and that of friends/family. I show all of them the respect they deserve – but I definitely let my hair down!
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
12:07 pm
Man…I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open today!!!! Zzzzzzzz
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
12:14 pm
Disco, I guess what I’m trying to say, if I didn’t ask for or we’re not having a conversation where giving your opinion would come out. Why would there be a need for me to respect or handle the truth.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
12:16 pm
disco ~ thanks, but I’m done with it.
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
12:19 pm
I tend to tone it down a bit when wifey is on the set. I don’t become a different person, but I am on my best behavior. I noticed that with some of my potnahs as well. A friend of mine brought his wife to the super bowl party. He’s an attorney and normally loud and boisterous, that evening he was subdued and reserved. His wife was the life of the party. Ironically, I have found that to be a common dynamic in my relationship as well. The men have very dominant and aggressive personalities amongst ourselves, but when our ladies are around, their presence is equally as strong and they typically out shine us. Consequently, when we’re all together at social settings, the guys chill out a little more and let the ladies do they’re thing. I can remember one of my potnahs saying “Dayum ..DuShawn I never seen you this quiet before. Now we know how to make you shut up…..just invite your Wifey.”
abc
February 11th, 2013
12:27 pm
Nearly opposite for me; I’m almost always the same, work or play, no matter who’s around, and neither sweetie nor I are much into loud and boisterous, neither ourselves or from others. I want my wife to know who I really am; I don’t want to have to tailor my behavior (ergo, be a fake, to me) around anyone. What you see is what you get, reliably.
disco
February 11th, 2013
12:28 pm
S/H – we done beat this horse to death. geez. you either get it or you don’t and I really think you do. you just the type to like to keep mess going and I’m just the type that likes to prove a point. lol. folks talk period. folks give unsolicited advice, folks voice opinions whether you ask for them or not. other folks could spend a lot of time worrying about it and having hurt feelings behind it when they wouldn’t care if they understood the principle behind respecting the truth. when I was in junior high I got caught up in some he said/she said mess in school. I came home and told my mother what went down. my mother told me that people talked about Jesus and I was no better than he was. translation “so what folks talk about you”. respect the truth single. all that other stuff you yapping is just yapping.
S/H – now I say all that but I’m not going to front like I’ve never jumped on a “what you say” tip. I have but when it’s all said and done, when we finish scratching and punching and pulling hair and all that, the truth still remains.
MsAtl
February 11th, 2013
12:33 pm
Single- I learned the hard way not to overlook the “joking” disrespect. My ex constantly played the “joke” card and it was the source of many arguments. At almost 50 years old, he publicly refers to his new wife as “United Nations” puddy because she is biracial. after putting up with it from him, that is not not something I will overlook.
Disco- I had to laugh at your “funny acting” remark. Someone called me funny acting because they said I was too uppity to borrow a pair of pajamas to spend the night out.
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
12:48 pm
My 10:49 should have read:
Most of the day, all days, at work I’m quiet
I come back to a ghost town. Alright, got a conference call from 1:00 – 2:30…sigh
Have a good day folk(s)….if anybody is left on here…lololololol
disco
February 11th, 2013
12:54 pm
ms atl – all those “I’m just playings”. uh-uh. you ain’t playing. you think you slick. trying to slide one it. whatever.
MsAtl
February 11th, 2013
12:58 pm
Exactly Disco! There ain’t that much joking in the world.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
1:02 pm
On point, disco. I too have to all someone out on a bunch of I’m just playing. Trying to get slick with a smile isn’t going over my head.
Single & Happy
February 11th, 2013
1:03 pm
Disco, wasn’t trying to start any mess, just trying to have a conversation
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
1:23 pm
What’s going on in here today? Everyone take a moment to get up from your desks, stretch it out and take a few deep slow breathes.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
1:30 pm
O/T: I’m going to the casino for the first time…any pointers on which machines to play. Don’t about black jack. I seem to only beat the dealer online (lol).
Exiled
February 11th, 2013
1:36 pm
Now, what uall think about the chief paedophile resigning his post?
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
1:39 pm
Leggs – I’ve never won any big money on slots….I have won at Roulette though
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
1:48 pm
Looking forward to the Roulette table. Oh yeah!
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
1:54 pm
Not to bring anybody down but my co-worker just lost her mom last week. We are all surprised about how well she tries to put her game face on while at work, and for her father and son. (She is an only child and are very close to her parents) He dad has been a complete lost wreck the whole time her mom was hospitalized and I think the fact she tries to stay strong for him, is making it hard for her to grieve however she needs to. Well, today has been a pretty bad day for her. She told us that she finally had to tell her dad to leave her house over the weekend, because he was just crying endlessly. What really got me was when she said she finally laid down last night to watch tv and she reached for her phone to call her mom, as she normally would on a Sunday evening. That just made me want to cry for her. I cannot imagine that feeling…I just feel so helpless with her even though I know there isn’t much anyone can do. I just told her that she’ll have to just talk to her mom in a different way as opposed to using the phone. She did give me a half smile
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:11 pm
Slim – Sounds like your words were comforting. That’s tough.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:14 pm
You did good, SlimNu. It’s easy to offer ones condolences, but sometimes difficult for a person to actually acknowledge it. Some are empty words like a chosen Hallmark card that doesn’t really fit you. If you like to offer any support other than what you’ve already, do something outside the box.
DuShawn
February 11th, 2013
2:14 pm
Since everyone is so quiet. I will share my weekend. Me and the Fam did Chattanooga, Tenn. It was little man’s 9th birthday. We went to Ruby Falls and the Incline railroad. I did a little research online and was excited about the train ride up and down Look Out Mountain. I’m thinking this should be dope. It’s a beautiful day, I’m expecting to see all these grand, breath taking, panoramic views, I paid the 65 bucks for my entire tribe to get on this trolley car, and we leave the station. Man, it was like taking a tour of some alley in Bankhead somewhere. Apparently, the route has gotten dilapidated over the years. It took us behind these old run down houses with broke down Chevy’s in the drive ways and garbage piles in the back. I’m like WTF, my little man was saying “Daddy this is wack!” We couldn’t wait to get off. Afterwards we hit the aquarium, then the Zoo and finished up at Buffalo Wild Wings downtown watching some college basketball (you know that was my suggestion). We got him a cake, the server brought him a hat and they announced his name over the intercom. Seeing his face at that moment was priceless. When we got back Sunday we got another cake and some pizzas and had a party at the house so he could vibe with his little neighborhood potnahs. As I type this, wifey is in route to drop off cup cakes and juice boxes to the aftercare so he could continue the celebration with his school homies.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:17 pm
Related to the topic: You know, I have never really bought into this “representative” thing that people assign those they are getting to know. I’ve never believed it’s that much acting in the world. Looking back on men I’ve dated, there was nothing really new they could show me, no matter how long we knew each other – there were always some kind of signs. It was up to me to either recognize them or not.
What is the difference between a person being a true fake versus just having different sides to their personality?
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:18 pm
kimmie/Leggs – Well we all got together and had a plant delivered to the funeral services and she said she REALLy appreciated it. It just makes me feel bad for her bc the mere thought of losing someone that close to me is unimaginable.
Anyhoo, on a lighter note, did any of you watch the Grammy’s? (I didn’t lol)
disco
February 11th, 2013
2:19 pm
leggs – speaking of casinos (gambling) how come I went to bingo on Friday. I know someone else here went recently but I don’t remember who. I won $100. nothing to write home about but I only paid $15 to play so it was mad money.
dushawn – not that jr. said it was whack. now that’s funny.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:21 pm
Du – I remember doing the Lookout Mountain thing as a child/preteen and we thought it was the greatest thing! Sorry to hear it’s gone down. That was a dear childhood memory.
disco
February 11th, 2013
2:24 pm
kimmie – now I know you gotta know the difference between a true fake azz trick and one who just shows different facets of her personality. the real fake trick is the one who is all grinning, cheesing, smiling in your face while complimenting you on this that and the other and is talking about you like a dog as soon as you round the corner. the real fake trick is the one who is volunteering to help you out in your time of need (whatever that may be) and is trying to screw your husband in the process. come on now. we all know some real fake azz MFs.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:26 pm
kimmie – A true fake would probably be those women & men on those “who the hell did I marry” shows….or con artists, of folks that have double lives…
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
2:27 pm
“true fake” is oxymoronic…lol
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:28 pm
Slim – I watched a little. I don’t really watch award shows that much anymore, I just like to see the red carpet and check out what folks are wearing.
Seems like Beyonce toned it down considerably for the Grammy’s, like she was being purposely low key. Some were saying her outfit was too casual for the event and I agree. I like J Lo but she looked stank last night. Nobody really “brought it’ with the clothes last night to me. I’m gonna see what they say on Fashion Police tonight.
V103 played Justin Timberlake’s Grammy performance on the radio – it sounded pretty good.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:28 pm
A friend of mine father’s died last Monday. I thought of the plant/flower arrangement and remembered http://www.insteadofflowers.com.
You made $85…that’s always a good day.
Bluzgirl
February 11th, 2013
2:30 pm
Slim – that’s so sad…I dread the day when I lose my mom. I don’t think there are any words to comfort her completely, but you did good with what you said.
Du – That sounds like a nice trip for the little man! Too bad lookout mountain stunk! How was Ruby Falls? I’ve never been there.
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:31 pm
Disco – LOL!! Girl, I’m not crazy, I know it when I’m dealing with a fake! I’m just reading alot of these comments and the topic and I’m like it sounds like some just have a different side to them they only wish to share with certain people. That’s not what I would call fake.
Cel – It is an oxy, isn’t it?!LOL!!
Celisea
February 11th, 2013
2:34 pm
Kimmie – Yes it is!!!
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:35 pm
SlimNu ~ I had the Grammy’s on. Some interesting performances.
Did not care for TSwift opening number nor her spin on Alice in Wonderland. The girl is a female garden tool.
JLo’s dress was interesting, but her thighs are not tight. The jiggled from the moment she took to stage. Her shoes were fierce.
Rihanana’ heartfelt song (don’t know name of it) was sung as if only she and Chris Brown was in the room! She meant every word she was signing.
Justin Timberlake did good
Fun/Bruno Mars had fun (lol). I didn’t understand why Janae Monel (sp) was never mentioned, thanked or on stage with them since she was featured on the song that won.
Carrie Underwood’s “digital” dress was spectacular and very creative (IMO)
Love Miquel, but him that that toothpick (Wiz Kalief??) should have coordinated their outfits. Optically, wasn’t very appealing (lolol).
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:36 pm
disco – That was me that played recently. Matter of fact, a friend of mine were supposed to go yesterday be we decided to rain check it for another day. At least you won something, because last time i went, we got ONE freaking number away from winning $1000 but someone got it before us.
We usually go on Sunday’s but I think we should try for a Tuesday night…maybe improve our chances with less folks on a week night. (even though most are probably retired lol) Where did you play?
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:42 pm
Leggs – I was trying to put my finger on what it was about J Lo’s dress! I have no problem with a high slit or anything sexy, as long as it’s done in good taste and you have the body to pull it off. That was just not flattering on her last night. I thought it bunched up at the crotch too, and looked wierd!
Not a Taylor Swift fan at all. I was wondering about that Janel Monet thing too, why she didn’t go up when they got the award.
disco
February 11th, 2013
2:44 pm
kimmie – just checking. you have to stay on your game. fake hoze are all around us. look around, look around. lol. (of course I’m not implying that blog chicks are fake hoze – never that. just saying in your real life, look around, look around).
slim – I went to a little church on Friday night (i’m not in atl). low jackpots. the coverall big prize of the night was $500. I did good to win that $105 on the first game by myself. most of the other games were only like $75 and folks were sharing them. I bought the minimum number of cards to play and could hardly keep up with that. girl when I bingo’d I had to ask the little old man next to me if I won before I hollered bingo. lol. you know they were schooling me on where to go though. this place on Tuesday, this place on Thursday, this place on Friday. I was like bingo really is a subculture. lol.
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:48 pm
Don’t know about crotch area, but her legs are nice and tight, her thighs not so much. Couldn’t tell if JZ’s look was one of appreciation, or Oh, No she didn’t! Well, the slit was a bit high
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
2:48 pm
DuShawn ~ not good you had to leave Georgia just to ride the train around Bankhead. Not a good look.
SlimNu - More of me
February 11th, 2013
2:51 pm
disco – The first time I went, I felt really lost. Good thing I was at a table with some expert bingo players..so I see them every time I go. It’s almost like a side job for them, like gambling lol
kimmie
February 11th, 2013
2:51 pm
disco – I’ve always been one that will kinda lay back in the cut and observe. Some folks are so obvious with their insincerity, I just wonder how others can’t see it! As for me, some folks take my easy-going nature and sometimes quiet to mistakenly think I’m not hip to what’s going on.
I SO AGREE about seeing thru the “just joking” mess too!! That’s one my mom actually hipped me too rather early.
Willie Dynamite
February 11th, 2013
2:53 pm
Afternoon all,
Personalities are indeed multi-tiered. Some folks are plain Jane 100% same way all the time. Some folks are layered. Personally I am somewhat different depending on the crowd I keep. At all times however I am cool and laid back. I have been accused of being calculating. I just say I’m not a knee jerk reaction type of dude. My conversation style is that of a counterpuncher. I like to listen more than talk. I don’t have a need to tell folks I’m this or that or will do this or that. I listen to them spout al of that. I roll with the punches and typically can get on whatever level with whomever I need/want to at the time. Works for me, probably drives some folks crazy. Sucks for them.
disco
February 11th, 2013
3:20 pm
are we slow enough for me to introduce a topic for discussion?
Jake-SPJTWB
February 11th, 2013
3:22 pm
Can’t hang long…but shid Leggs–J-Lo’s thigh looked fine to me, I likes me some ham…Katy Perry..scrumptious, and Kelly Rowland ain’t stoppin at the supwerbowl, very sexy in that dress
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:25 pm
Jake, I was merely mentioning her jiggly thighs.
Kelly Rowland looked beautiful and sexy
Jake-SPJTWB
February 11th, 2013
3:28 pm
Yes they did, you know that was that residual jiggle that came from that tas jiggling behind her..loved it
Leggs
February 11th, 2013
3:29 pm
Glad you loved it, Jake. You’re not alone (lol).
Jake-SPJTWB
February 11th, 2013
3:31 pm
Blog Roses ladies…head nod fellas, what up around here?