Best way to break up?
I saw a really sweet video of a couple who broke up, wrote a song about it, then filmed a music video about it. This is Breaking Up 2.0 people. The mature, totally hip and cool way to end a relationship, complete with a video that goes viral.
If only all break ups can be so thoughtful and coordinated. I’d settle for just making it mutual! There really is no right or wrong way to break up a relationship. There is a way to make it as painless as possible, though. Clearly, sleeping with someone else or sending a random text message does not qualify as painless. Yet, I know two people who were dumped in this way recently.
Breaking up is hard to do, but does it really have to be? What is the most humane and kind way to dump someone? Should the length of time you were together make a difference in how you should end things?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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167 comments Add your comment
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
11:12 am
I heard that woman call in this morning. It sounds to me like she can’t handle going to the ball and seeing them. Since she’s already apprehensive about it, she should just stay away. I agree that she shouldn’t let them stop her from going if she really wants to go, but sounds to me like she really doesn’t want to…
disco
February 6th, 2013
11:15 am
bluz – and that’s why I said she sounds like she’s an attention seeking drama queen. lol.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 6th, 2013
11:15 am
This may not apply to any of you ladies, But believe it or not, there are a TON of women that are taking it high and hard for lesser reasons than that!!! In fact I know of a woman in my distant circle that hooked up with a coach so that somebody elses son could get on the field!!! She would come back and joke about his lack of …everything, but she kept laying it out there for a whole football season so her godson could keep on missing tackles!!!
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
11:18 am
I sure wouldn’t want to put myself in that situation…By going, I think I’d be inviting drama and the wife wouldn’t be wrong if she came up and punched me in the face!!!
Button
February 6th, 2013
11:19 am
why not disco? they both were in the wrong and to go to the ball being in the same room, just imagine the tension in the air. With the drinks in tow something is surely to pop off.
Albert
February 6th, 2013
11:19 am
There isn’t any good way to break up. Being nice doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Button
February 6th, 2013
11:21 am
she’s already apprehensive about going – guilty much!.
Dirty Birds We are in trouble
February 6th, 2013
11:21 am
Good Morning All!
I can’t think of a good way to break-up with someone. Being honesty about why you want to leave may help the other person accept the break-up a little easier.
Note to self… Do not break-up with Disco and ask her to cook dinner at her home. Bring dinner, hit it real good one last time, moved to Brazil then e-mail her and state it’s my fault.
I am not sure about the moral dilemma occurring at a dance. What happened is in the past, just like breaking up we must have the ability to let it go and moved forward in life.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
11:26 am
Just because she was hit hard with stupid, does not negate the fact that he’s the center of this mess.
Exactly. He slept with her because he wanted to already disrespecting his fiance. I know, I know, many say men get with other women and is has no bearing on respecting their woman. BS!
disco
February 6th, 2013
11:27 am
bluz – the wife would be wrong if she came up and punched you unprovoked. her window of opportunity for a free beatdown done passed.
button – why not what? life is short. I don’t know these people or where they live. some communities are small. they are going to cross paths. they just have to deal with it.
dirty bird – you are crazy. lol.
disco
February 6th, 2013
11:30 am
actually I was skipping all over dude being wrong because apparently wifey doesn’t care. she took him back. it is what it is. she’s probably been taking him back the whole relationship and is probably one of those chicks that thinks he’ll change after the wedding. sucks to be her.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
11:30 am
I’m glad some of you heard the story to validate my facts weren’t wrong. Yeah, she’s apprehensive on attending, but you willingly slept with him to break them up, they got married anyway, go on with your life. But, if she goes, I think she’s going to regret it. Not only that, why go somewhere you know you are going to be uncomfortable with the entire evening? Girl, get a good book, some bon bons and stay home.
I’ve been to one of those military balls. Ain’t what it’s cracked up to be. Boatloads of alcohol.
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
11:33 am
I agree that the wife would be wrong to go up and punch her, but you never know what could happen in the heat of the moment. I wouldn’t want to take that risk to be embarrassed in public…
Button
February 6th, 2013
11:33 am
Life’s answer to everything – just deal with it!
Dirty Birds We are in trouble
February 6th, 2013
11:38 am
Excellent point Disco..Wifey took dude back. End of story.
@Courtside the scenerio you describe is bigtime here in the ATL, especially when it comes to down to playing sports. Women will do somethings in order for the kid to play.
Button
February 6th, 2013
11:38 am
the woman is vindictive or had a hidden agenda. She slept with a man to break up wedding. what did she think, that he was going to continue to see her or even marry her?
Button
February 6th, 2013
11:41 am
Wife took dude back and he married HER so it didn’t work, his friends plans fell thru. I wonder though, does he still hang with that circle of friends.
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
11:57 am
What’s up Gang!!
Leggs, I tuned in late to the Bert Show, so I was wondering what folks were calling in about. Sounds like chick is a ish starter! If she really felt bad about the whole thing, it would not have even been in question. And obviously she is still keeping up with what’s going on with dude, because how would she know for a fact the married couple is going to be at the ball? She was feeling dude just like Disco said. And she likes to keep mess going, there are a lot of folks like that. Just messy!
Button
February 6th, 2013
12:02 pm
Letter writter in distress, your thoughts? This is not me – here goes —I have gotten myself into a delicate dilemma. I have just become engaged to a man I love and adore. The problem is I have been faking it (the O) for two years. We don’t live together now and because of our schedules, we only have schex about once a month. It is amazing. I love our closeness and connection. I appreciate that he can go for hours and doesn’t want to stop until he has fully satisfied me. But, the truth is, I am satisfied with one O and I just can’t seem to have more than one. I tried telling him that, but he wants to please me. So, to make him happy and to move things along, I started faking. Sometimes up to seven fake Os a session. What am I going to when we are married, living together, and (presumably) making love more often? I can’t continue this deception every night. Do I admit to my “Harry” the truth? Or do I keep up the pretense? I wish I had never started down this path and had been honest from the beginning.
Dirty Birds Try to Rise-up
February 6th, 2013
12:04 pm
@Kimmie I believe they are all in the military.
I have a question for the Wise Diva. With all this information you have gather, how is your dating life going? I would expect you to be married by now, or are you a playa like BluzGirl?
Dirty Birds Try to Rise-up
February 6th, 2013
12:07 pm
To my comments from yesterday! Women are good actresses…That is why insect man got duped into marrying the Gold Digger. See a man ego is blown up when he knows he is satifing his women in the bedroom.
Why women, Why must you fake it? Disco do not fake it on me! lol
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
12:09 pm
Dirty…what makes you think I’m a playa?
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
12:14 pm
Honesty is the best policy in the bedroom, especially if you plan to marry the dude…
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
12:16 pm
Dirty/Button – Actually this sounds a whole lot like the Bug man situation!LOL!!! Read in the letter where she says “I tried telling him”. Just like Bug man knew what time it was, this dude does too. Button, I think she should not worry anymore about it since she tried telling him. Since they are only doing it about once a month right now, she’s probably thinking she’s got to make the whole experience mind-blowing since it’s gonna be another month before it happens again. It’s a different ballgame when they are living together and doing it regular. Some days won’t be a drawn-out session, you just getting it in. He might not even have the stamina he has now during those once-a-month sessions. She’s gonna have to tell dude to chill and take it easy and remind him what she tried to tell him earlier. And quit the faking! She can ease up on it, not make a big issue of it. She’s getting herself worked up over nothing.
disco
February 6th, 2013
12:35 pm
how come I just thought of harlem nights. remember when old boy got with sunshine and called home and told his kid to put your mother on the phone. lol. I guess that’s one way to go.
Single & Happy
February 6th, 2013
12:41 pm
Hey all
Clearly, sleeping with someone else or sending a random text message does not qualify as painless. What about when the random text is tell you they’re sleeping with someone else (LOL)
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
12:56 pm
Just realized I didn’t comment on the topic:
There is no one-size-fits-all way to break up. It depends on the circumstances. But just remember, if you are all stank and cold about it, that could come back to haunt you one day.
I didn’t think that video couple break-up thing was cute, by the way.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
1:35 pm
Dirty ~ I think that’s such a disservice to the kid to sleep with coach so they can get play time. If the kid doesn’t have talent, they really shouldn’t be on the team. Now, if the kid got on the team before anyone slept with anyone, then the coach should play the kid. He picked him for the team!
kimmie ~ I was wondering if you were listening. After accepting the date with the guy, she found out a week later that they would be there. BUT, the person who asked her is in the military and the now husband is in the same branch so logical deduction is that he would be there. She had to have thought that when she accepted = isht starter…gotcha!
Dirty ~ she’s the only one not in the military. The wife married into the military.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
1:40 pm
“…we only have schex about once a month. It is amazing. I love our closeness and connection ” – This is an easy one (to me). Just tell him you’re fine with one O and if he keeps pounding away, you’re going to kick him out the bed (lol). Seriously, just tell him you don’t mind the long sessions, just don’t expect that O each time. Not that I talk sex with a lot of my friends, but at this moment I don’t know anyone who climaxes 7x.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
1:41 pm
O/T ~ haven’t had a Blimpe sandwich in years. Now, I remember why! Thank goodness I used a $1.00 off coupon…uuggh!
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
1:44 pm
Leggs – Yeah I agree about the 7 times. That’s just unrealistic. If dude was not so focused on trying to be Superman and paying attention to what she tried to tell him, he would realize that. Both of them are stupid if you ask me.
Button
February 6th, 2013
1:50 pm
lol…some men really believe they came make a women O mulitple times.
Button
February 6th, 2013
1:52 pm
Another letter – this is not me — Miscarriage With My Ex: I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago after I found out that he had been cheating on me. We had been together about a year, but did not live together. I knew he was not right for me and we were not going to end up married, but still, the infidelity and accompanying lies really stung. In the weeks leading up to the split, I suspected I was pregnant (I was) but didn’t say anything to him because things were so difficult between us. A few days after we broke up, I miscarried. It was devastating. Even though I know he would not have been an ideal father, and I definitely didn’t set out to get pregnant, I still wanted the baby and now feel a sense of loss mixed with relief and guilt. My question is, should I tell my ex about the miscarriage? Some of my friends say he has the right to know.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
1:56 pm
kimmie ~ I burst out laughing. He has to know she’s faking. He has to detect a “tired” moan and holla somewhere in there. And 7 O’s the sheets should be soaked!
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
2:00 pm
Button – Right to know so he can do/say what? What will it change to make all parties situation better? If she’s concerned about his “rights” then the time to be concerned was when she found out she was preggers. Maybe the kid wasn’t his, something she’s not telling? Because unless things were so bad he was threatening to kill her or something, she should have told him up front. Go to therapy and deal with your thoughts and let him kick rocks.
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
2:01 pm
Leggs – I lol’d at that too!! They must be youngsters!
Robert
February 6th, 2013
2:05 pm
@Button – Never tell any Man or Woman about your past experiences. If a Man really loves you he does not care about your past. That is a fact.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 6th, 2013
2:08 pm
Button, She should take the time needed to heal herself…Telling him would only be an attempt to either win him back or inflict some level of hurt on him…. More than likely, he is not going to give a damn, and that will end up being one more insult slammed into her face……
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
2:08 pm
Robert – She’s reading a letter about someone else. The letter writer had a miscarriage with her exes baby. She’s asking should she tell the ex about the miscarriage.
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
2:10 pm
Ummm…some women can have multiple O’s.
Leggs
February 6th, 2013
2:10 pm
I see no benefit in telling him. You already said he would not have made an ideal father. You didn’t tell him while you were pregnant so no need to have a conscious now that you’ve miscarried. I swear some women deserve to be on Maury.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 6th, 2013
2:12 pm
Bluzgirl… and some men can make sure that said woman can get there…
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
2:13 pm
Bluz – I think all can have multiples at some point. But 7 on the regular, probably not.
Button
February 6th, 2013
2:14 pm
Bluzgirl way dey do dat at? 7? O’s? I highly doubt it..faking for sure.
kimmie
February 6th, 2013
2:14 pm
Courtside/Bluz – And this dude obviously aint the man to make it happen if she has to fake it!
Bluzgirl
February 6th, 2013
2:17 pm
I can admit that I’m a lucky one who has many every time. I’ve counted double digits many times. The men I’ve been with have been impressed…
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 6th, 2013
2:18 pm
I wonder what the hell he is taking that he can keep it up while she is on her sixth and seventh fake “O”???
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 6th, 2013
2:19 pm
Bluz…. really….. Do tell……
disco
February 6th, 2013
2:20 pm
bluz – my grandma ‘nem would have called you one of those “white liver” girls. lol.
Button
February 6th, 2013
2:21 pm
Please do tell Bluzgirl