Dating: Nothing good happens after 2am
Have you ever met someone, exchanged phone numbers and then launched a texting relationship? Weeks later and neither of you have made the move to set up plans for face to face time. Yeah. What IS that?
It’s funny because you have these “pseudo” conversations, in an email or through text messages, and it begins to become a deterrent! Is that a sign that there is no real attraction? I think when you start to get the sense that you are being “maintained” with half efforts, it’s time to cut your losses. If you do nothing and let things continue as is, one night, around 2:00 in the morning, you’ll get that random text: “What’s up? Are you busy?” We all know that nothing good happens after 2:00 am, right?
When should you put a stop to the text messages and emails as the sole means of communication? Do you think that getting to know someone via technology can lead you to a false sense of familiarity or security?
How do you handle late night text messages or phone calls?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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166 comments Add your comment
abc
February 5th, 2013
11:54 am
Here’s the biggest difference between parenting kids these days and what our parents had to deal with: kids today have their own cell phones, texting, and email that parents don’t necessarily have access to — in most cases they have zero access, I’d wager — and that provides the kids a privacy in communication that didn’t previously exist. It’s a lot easier for kids, therefore, to lie to their parents about their activities and whereabouts.
I actually agree with Robert regarding women being more conducive to texting than men. I know many women for whom texting is a primary communications method — not the sole method, but a primary one. It’s to the point of my asking sweetie to turn off the dayum phone at night, I get tired of hearing it chirp.
disco
February 5th, 2013
11:56 am
as far as electronics go I remember getting my first polaroid camera and thinking it was all that. a few years later I got a Kodak disc. by then you really couldn’t tell me nothing. “I’m gonna get you with the Kodak disc”. lol. and since there was no gameboy or Nintendo ds I had the tabletop pacman and donkey kong games. I’m sorry y’all. I’m having fun with this.
Leggs
February 5th, 2013
12:03 pm
“When I was a teenager I did not have a “beeper” or a cell phone. neither did I!! Oh wait nobody did because they weren’t around!!” –
Well, when I was a teenager, beepers, carphones and cellphones were around. The big bulky ones you carried around like a man’s bag off your shoulder. You were THE man if you walked around with bulky arse cell phone. That was funny, looking back. There he goes ditty bopping down the street….
Late night texts aren’t responded to. Look at the phone, then read msg in the morning. It’s already late, or I’m sleeping, don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what the text might say…it can wait….ZZZZZZZZZZZ!!
disco
February 5th, 2013
12:05 pm
then the sony walkman and eventually the discman. of course, we were poor, so we never had real sony. I think we had GPX but we still got it in. just last night I was telling someone that I had a trapper keeper and they were like for what. I got it as a gag gift a few years ago and just couldn’t part with it. shoot, once upon a time (long before ipad) the trapper keeper was an organizational masterpiece. one’s trapper keeper was their identity. lol.
okay. looks like y’all have dipped and I’m down memory lane all alone.
Button
February 5th, 2013
12:08 pm
Please share your thoughts——: I am a zaftig woman of 40 yrs. I recently met a man who asked me out on a date. We went to dinner and had a nice time, but during dinner he said that he was attracted to me because of my weight (he likes big girls) he asked me what size I wore and how much I weighed. I was put off by that and told him so, he blew it off like it was nothing. Now I think he has a big girl fetish and is not really interested in me. We have not been out since … I am skittish. Is this my issue? Is it any different if a man says he likes big breasts and only goes out with women with big breasts? Or am I wise to move on?
disco
February 5th, 2013
12:10 pm
button – I think old dude was okay until he asked for numbers. he likes big girls. fine. he can see you are a big girl. all good. but if he needs to confirm exactly how big you are (officially, technically, on paper) then I find it all suspect.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
February 5th, 2013
12:19 pm
@abc
I not only read my kid’s cell phone, but I sporadically view her FB page as well and make her sit there as I do both.
Some of the things we ’suffered’ as children, we appreciate as adults. Hopefully, me caring enough to check on her safety is one of those things.
Bluzgirl...Suffering a blues hangover!
February 5th, 2013
12:23 pm
disco – I LOVED my trapper keeper! I forgot about those. Always had to have a funky colored one.
Button – Hmmmm…I think I would keep it moving just because he asked for numbers. That is just plain rude.
disco
February 5th, 2013
12:25 pm
bluz / button – yep. the fact that he asked for numbers (and on the first date) leads me to believe he is playing. making he and his boys have a big girl bet or something going on. like I said, the whole thing is suspect. later for him.
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
12:38 pm
Afternoon Gang!
Just popped in to say hello, not via text tho!LOL!!
Topic – It’s all about what you allow. Also, when you know better you generally do better. And some of both genders do not know any better. They never had anyone show or tell them that what they are doing isn’t acceptable. Some of the guys don’t understand to call a young lady and properly communicate and the ladies themselves don’t know to require it. After a relationship is established, sure a text every now and then is okay.
As for the 2am texts, it could be a booty call or not. Depends on what the texts says! Unless it’s an emergency or you are very familiar with each other, any calls/texts before 2am are not proper. You can tell those that have good home-training!
Tootles!!
Single and Happy I tried, I really tried!! (LMAO)
February 5th, 2013
12:41 pm
Disco, trying not to join this debate about men and texting
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
12:42 pm
Sorry, meant to say calls/texts before 8 or 9am!
disco
February 5th, 2013
12:43 pm
s/h – man please. I’m talking about roller skates, trapper keepers and walkmen. lol. so, did you figure out where to go on your trip?
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 5th, 2013
12:44 pm
Button, I think your issues with your size may have cost you and him a chance…… he is no different than the guy that only likes light skin chicks of the girl that only likes guys over six feet…..
Single and Happy I tried, I really tried!! (LMAO)
February 5th, 2013
12:45 pm
Disco the one thing I remember have as a kid was an imagination, could always find something to do. I had racing tracks, train sets, got a new bicycle every year.
disco
February 5th, 2013
12:49 pm
courtside – I disagree. like I said, I find old boy suspect. it’s okay if he likes big girls for him to tell her straight up that that is what attracted him. to be asking her what size she is and how much she weighs is off. granted, I’m the chick who would have just answered the question. I don’t care but most chicks do care. dude was crass and inappropriate (or I’ll toss him a bone and call him ignorant). either way, I think button should leave him to the next big girl.
Single and Happy I tried, I really tried!! (LMAO)
February 5th, 2013
12:50 pm
ABC, if you as a parent have no access to something you are paying the bill for, then that would be on you!
Disco, I’m going to Punta Cana DR
Button
February 5th, 2013
12:52 pm
the article is not about me, I wanted to share and throw something new in the mix…with today’s topic.
Button
February 5th, 2013
12:53 pm
Courtside I agree
Dynamic
February 5th, 2013
1:02 pm
I grew up with beepers and then cell phones being popular. I find that texting can be ok to use to commuincate. What I have a problem with is when we are texting and you call my phone w/o asking if I’m free to talk!
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
1:08 pm
Button- That’s one of those cases I refer to when I say some people lack finese. There is a smoothness, some class, that is lacking. I think it’s something you either have or you don’t. If you don’t you need to be open to learning. Not only is asking for exact numbers inappropriate, saying I am attracted to big, dark, light, long, anything is inappropriate until you are established with someone. That’s just me and how I was raised though. I mean, if she’s big she no doubt knows it already, so no need for him to point that out even though he may be attracted to it. Her “hangups” if she has them are hers alone. Throwing something up in someones face with no tact and saying “hey deal with it, I’m a straight shooter” is crass.
Button
February 5th, 2013
1:18 pm
Your thoughts??? Marriage (Married the Perfect Guy, but Maybe the Wrong Guy for Me): I am married to a kind, generous, attractive, wonderful man. The problem? I am not attracted to him. Actually, I am sometimes turned-off by him. I have battled these feelings since before we even got married. I think I married him because he is such a wonderful person, and I thought I would be blowing it if I passed on the opportunity to spend my life with someone who treats me so well. He knows that I have issues with attraction to him. Right now, I consider us great roommates and friends, but not lovers. The turn-offs? First, in the time that I have known him, he has become increasingly involved with transcendental meditation, spending hours a day on it, and traveling all over the country for extended conferences. He’s so sensitive that he won’t even kill a bug that’s indoors—he picks it up and puts it outside. How can I even think about leaving someone who is so good to me? Who does that? Help—I have a 90 percent perfect marriage, but that 10 percent that’s missing is killing me. Wanting 10 percent more.
Button
February 5th, 2013
1:19 pm
I co sign @Kimmie.
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
1:29 pm
Button – I hate it when I read about situations like that 1:18. Her first mistake was marrying him. He never should have married her either. Both are cheating themselves. Everyone has a right to have someone totally into them. They won’t have everything on your “list” because no one is perfect, but there is a perfect person for you. You won’t “learn” to love or be attracted to anyone. And you can’t “be nice” someone to death to make them love or be attracted to you. He knew she wasn’t into his “differentness”, but he didn’t have the self-esteem to go for someone that did. She didn’t follow her heart and is probably listening to others, telling her she would be crazy to give up such a “good” man. They both deserve exactly what they are getting.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 5th, 2013
1:36 pm
Button, She should take a loooooooong look in the mirror and really decide what she wants…. She can pack up and leave of she can look inside and see if what she currently has is worse than what she might be able to find. She claims that she has a 90% perfect marriage…. Is teh 10% enough to toss teh 90%??? I say you would be crazy to do so……
abc
February 5th, 2013
1:39 pm
I think if she’s not attracted to him, even turned off by him, and he knows it, they’re already done.
Single and Happy I tried, I really tried!! (LMAO)
February 5th, 2013
1:42 pm
Button, this is very simple! Who wants to be married to their roommate? if this is how she feels, she needs to leave so they both can truly be happy. from just that short know, she said he’s good to her, but only described something that turned her off! It’s like with everything else in life, when you don’t like something every little thing irritates the heck out of you!
Leggs
February 5th, 2013
1:42 pm
Button ~ very grave concern, and I wonder how such a little percentage carries the most weight in that relationship. She’s cheated herself out of the entire package. He’s kind to her, loves her, treats her like gold, but she in turn can’t do the same. She shouldn’t have married. Sometimes, you have to walk away from the good ones too!
And, not all bugs are worthy of being picked up and thrown outside. Sometimes you have to stomp them to death. I need a man that can do that cuz I can’t.
On top of that, with all of his traveling, knowing his wife isn’t attracted to him, does she really feel he’s being faithful. We all need to be shown appreciation. Someone else may be giving him that 10% she can’t.
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
1:51 pm
Leggs – I think she has the percentages wrong. Obviously what she wants is worth more than 10 percent. And you are certainly right about having to throw back the good ones sometimes. Being nice is not enough. People act like “nice” is such a hard quality to find, like you have to hold on to it no matter what kind of package it’s wrapped up in. Every nice person is not spouse-material.
Button
February 5th, 2013
1:52 pm
Sounds to me that the letter writer wanted the title and not the marriage and there were no one else offering a hand in marriage so she went with him. If she knew that she wasn’t attracted to the guy why accept his proposal and go thru with the wedding? She comes off as a selfish self-centered person.
Button
February 5th, 2013
1:56 pm
Being nice is hard to find Kimmie, at least from what I’ve seen. There are some very mean men out there. conniving and manipulating. I can see her sticking with the guy for his nice qualities but to marry him even when she knows she’s not attracted to him is just crazy. She should’ve reap the rewards of having a nice, generous & attactive friend.
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
1:59 pm
Button – Men like the guy she married irritate me as well, Button. He doesn’t get off scott-free in this either. A person can only do so much faking, so they know up front when a chick isn’t into them. Then as time goes on and things don’t get any better, they act like the victim “oh I was so nice to her, I’m a nice guy, why won’t she love me, women only want the bad guys, etc”. Naw, I want a man with a backbone and some self-respect!
Button
February 5th, 2013
2:01 pm
Back and Forth Boyfriend: I have a very nice guy who has been in and out of my life for a variety of reasons. He’s getting himself together, and we’re thinking about starting a romantic relationship again. The problem is my friends. They are all very intellectual and put a high premium on reading and knowing the current events of the day, as do I. He barely passed high school and has tried college several times. He’s so intimidated by my friends that he starts explaining the simplest concepts of whatever we’re talking about at the time, and he babbles on and on. I’ve tried tapping him on the shoulder or nudging him to let him know it’s time to let someone else speak or simply to distract him, but he doesn’t take the hint and consistently sticks his foot in his mouth and insults my friends by explaining common knowledge concepts to them. I believe he thinks it makes him sound intelligent. He thinks he is keeping up in the conversations, but I’ve had several people approach me asking why I’m with him and why I bring him around if he’s going to talk down to everyone. I’m not sure about where we are going romantically, but he is a very old friend and I want to include him in my life. What can I do to help him?
Button
February 5th, 2013
2:05 pm
@Kimme he’s aware that she’s not attracted to him as well. They both are in it for selfish reasons.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 5th, 2013
2:05 pm
Maybe if he walked in the house and “mushed” her in the face, or left his dirty socks in the living room. or pissed in the toilet, left the seat up AND did not flush, she would find a way to be attracted to him then……
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
2:06 pm
Button – Probelm is, everyones definition of “nice” is different. Some qualify anyone that’s doesn’t hit them and comes home every night nice. Or one that buys them anything they want. A lot of so-called nice guys can manipulate in so many different ways. And no they are not openly mean or nasty, but yes, there are a lot of them out there. No matter how nice there must be attraction.
Leggs
February 5th, 2013
2:07 pm
You said it right, kimmie!
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
2:10 pm
Button – They all know, thus my 1:59. He went into it eyes open, so I don’t feel a bit sorry for him.
Courtside – You sound like one of those dudes I describe in my 1:59. Playing the victim, saying women only want the bad guys.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 5th, 2013
2:12 pm
Button, this is the easist one of all…… Don’t take him around your “high Brow” friends…… If you guys are that close, talk him.. if all else fails…. Hang out with some of his dumb ass friends sometimes…..
Button
February 5th, 2013
2:16 pm
The letter writter for back and forth boyfriend seems to be slightly snobbish to her boyfriend and her friends as well are snobby. She should date someone on her level if she feels she need to monitor what he says around her friends.
Mrs. SexyCool
February 5th, 2013
2:17 pm
Hello, Folks.
I miss y’all.
Button
February 5th, 2013
2:18 pm
Trust Issue: I was in a 10-month relationship with a man I love very much. Never in my life have I ever felt loved by someone. I always imagined sharing my life with him. Being with him felt so right. However, I was getting frustrated about our situation—he is still married with kids but he and his wife are separated. I came from a conservative family where everyone expected that I would get married properly with someone who is single and stable. I love this man with all my heart and I know I would commit myself to him for a lifetime. But I started getting anxious and I wanted to know if I am missing out on having that cookie cutter relationship. So about a month ago, I registered in a dating website and responded back to a man’s invitation to chat. I didn’t feel anything for the guy the way that I felt for my boyfriend. All the text message I sent were all platonic, and four days ago I stopped texting him. The problem was my boyfriend found the text messages and was so angry—he thinks that everything is a lie from the beginning. He thinks I have been talking to other guys. He told me that he was committed to me 100 percent but I didn’t stay true to him. He also said that I made him a means to an end. And that I lied to him. I love him so much and I begged for him to take me back and forgive me. What do you think I should do?
kimmie
February 5th, 2013
2:19 pm
Button – It’s not her job to help him or take him on as a project. It would only take one time for him to act the fool around my friends. Sounds like she’s not accepting him for who he is and is trying to change him. It’s like she’s trying to mold him into her perfect man. Why not just be friends and find someone that can at least meet her at her intellectual level? Him constantly being intimidated and her molding him is only going to emasculate him, in my opinion. They are from 2 different worlds.
Mrs. SexyCool
February 5th, 2013
2:20 pm
Button – he is still married?
Button
February 5th, 2013
2:22 pm
@ SexyCool – still married but separated.
Mrs. SexyCool
February 5th, 2013
2:23 pm
Oh…so he’s still married. Okay.
Exiled!
February 5th, 2013
2:25 pm
Button there is nothing wrong with asking for ur weight digits unless u or him establish in ur mind that weight is a Negative.
If I say/tell chic I like them tall and ask her for her height,I don’t see the problem.
Now,if u think he does not mean it,then that’s different.
Trust ur own conscience.
Mrs. SexyCool
February 5th, 2013
2:25 pm
A married (but separated) man couldn’t make any demands on me. He is in no position to do so.
Bluzgirl...Suffering a blues hangover!
February 5th, 2013
2:26 pm
It can be very difficult to let the nice guy go, but I had to do that years ago. I was engaged to the nicest man, who loved me completely. He would have done anything for me. Problem was that I was becoming a social butterfly and he was happy just staying home all the time. I started to see that we wouldn’t be a great match. It took me a long time to break up with him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. To this day, he is the only man who truly loved me, but if I had married him, I would have been unhappy…
Mrs. SexyCool
February 5th, 2013
2:26 pm
And how does a person *find* your text messages?!?