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Dating: Nothing good happens after 2am

Have you ever met someone, exchanged phone numbers and then launched a texting relationship? Weeks later and neither of you have made the move to set up plans for face to face time. Yeah. What IS that?

It’s funny because you have these “pseudo” conversations, in an email or through text messages, and it begins to become a deterrent! Is that a sign that there is no real attraction? I think when you start to get the sense that you are being “maintained” with half efforts, it’s time to cut your losses. If you do nothing and let things continue as is, one night, around 2:00 in the morning, you’ll get that random text: “What’s up? Are you busy?” We all know that nothing good happens after 2:00 am, right?

When should you put a stop to the text messages and emails as the sole means of communication? Do you think that getting to know someone via technology can lead you to a false sense of familiarity or security?

How do you handle late night text messages or phone calls?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

166 comments Add your comment

Lee

February 5th, 2013
7:01 am

I will not answer, and if i do , get ready to be blasted if you ring my phone, texts maybe you might be lucky if i respond the next day..not sure.. but people need to learn manners.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 5th, 2013
8:19 am

Depends…

It matters how you feel about the person. If you like them, you’ll answer and allay (some of) those doubts about their intentions.

If you don’t (like them), you’ll….have a different response.

As for text messages and emails as communication, I for one don’t mind it; again, depending on the circumstances. If the person is often busy or in a place where phone calls may not be appropriate vs a few [read: limited] texts would be permissible, then cool.

Context matters.

SlimNu - Out from under a rock

February 5th, 2013
8:42 am

Good morning,

I do not get late night text messages or calls…if I did, I wouldn’t answer them unless it was something I already had planned. ;-)

disco

February 5th, 2013
8:50 am

good morning. must say I’m a tad bit disappointed that today’s topic is supposed to be “grown folks’ conversation”. lol personally I think texting as a primary form of communication is on the juvenile side. sure adults can take advantage of the conveniences of text messaging they just shouldn’t be relying on it. of course, this is all just my opinion. I, for one, do not use text messaging at all. literally have incoming messages blocked. it’s amazing that I’ve had texting blocked for years, people who know me know this and yet I still am constantly told by this person or the other that they sent me a text. oh well. it’s in a text graveyard somewhere.

Button

February 5th, 2013
8:58 am

Enter your comments here

Button

February 5th, 2013
9:02 am

Good morning, I just had this very conversation with my little sister this week about texting a new guy she met. Is this really acceptable way of communicating now? If I give a man my number I expect a phone call not a text. I can agree with Dan but only when a relationship has been established.

As for the 2 am phone call, no way. it will go to voicemail.

disco

February 5th, 2013
9:02 am

btw – the topic about after 2am reminds me of my grandmother. she used to always say “ain’t nothing open that time of night but legs”. lol.

Celisea

February 5th, 2013
9:07 am

When should you put a stop to the text messages and emails as the sole means of communication?

This is a behavior IMO, that should never be allowed in the first place. I always feel like you should set the tone from the beginning of what acceptable versus not. I’m irritated by folks that know how to do nothing but text. I get the purpose of emoticons, but all the smileys in the world won’t make me feel or see for that matter, emotions and expressions. Shoot, I’ve been known to stick a smiley, even at work, behind a sentence where I’m dying to get something said and leave the person wondering, did she meant it that way??? lol Or slap an “lol” behind somethng to take the edge off of it. Anyhoo, texting if it’s a matter of convenience and I need to get a quick message with no time to talk or I’m in a situation where I can’t talk at all.

And to Diva’s other questions, absolutely not, you cannot get to know someone behind the screen….of course IMHO :) As for texting after 2:00, ummm you’ll get igged and eventually blocked.

Button

February 5th, 2013
9:09 am

When should you put a stop to the text messages and emails as the sole means of communication? If you have a problem with it, it should be addressed in the very beginning.

Do you think that getting to know someone via technology can lead you to a false sense of familiarity or security? Yes, and you can be catfished too. I think it’s pure laziness to send a text instead of picking up the phone and calling. I also think it’s a generational thing also. It’s just like sitting in the same room and sending a text instead of speaking to the person across the room from you. I’ve personally went through this. I was blown away.

Celisea

February 5th, 2013
9:10 am

I almost posted the “nothing open after midnight……….”, a coworker says, but I didn’t want to go there this early…lol

Button

February 5th, 2013
9:19 am

I don’t care for the 12 am text/call either.

Celisea

February 5th, 2013
9:20 am

My friend gave me three choices for dinner Thursday…..Cajun Queen, Flemings or McCormick & Schmicks. I’ve never had either.

Button

February 5th, 2013
9:26 am

Celisea I love McCormicks & Schmicks. They have the snug booth where you can close the curtians and it’s as if you have the place to yourselves.

Celisea

February 5th, 2013
9:35 am

Button – Cool! I was really leaning towards that place because like I said, I’ve never been. We have one downtown Atlanta that I’ve eyed but never made it there…lol Flemings is my friend’s first choice.

IMissAtlanta

February 5th, 2013
9:42 am

Never happened. But I would def let it go to vm and never communicate with that person again. Where is the respect here? Besides, I always made it clear that any calls after 10pm were considered to be late.

Bluzgirl...Suffering a blues hangover!

February 5th, 2013
9:43 am

Morning all!!! Anything happen while I was away?

If you don’t like the 2 am call, then you simply ignore it and continue to ignore the person afterwards. No big deal…

Robert

February 5th, 2013
9:46 am

” around 2:00 in the morning, you’ll get that random text: “What’s up? Are you busy?”

This texting problem is unacceptable. People have no respect and use texting as an excuse for their inappropriate behaviour. I will not date a woman is who constantly sending and receiving text messages. I think a man who is constantly sending and receiving text messages is acting just like a woman. Silly, immature, cowards afraid to say what they want.

Real Men do not send text messages. Only young, inexperienced men send text messages. If you see an older man texting, he is most likely gay. You can tell a Man who grew-up in a household without a real father because they will act just like their mother.

IMissAtlanta

February 5th, 2013
9:47 am

Do you think that getting to know someone via technology can lead you to a false sense of familiarity or security?

Not necessarily. Right now, technology is the best way to communicate. Texting, emails…. actually are easier then picking up the phone when you are busy working. Eventually, leading to phones calls later on. I don’t think thats leading on. Its part of dating in the current. Get used to it.

MsAtl

February 5th, 2013
9:57 am

Morning All!

Disco- I had to laugh at your grandmother’s comment because I used to say ain’t nothing open after midnight except legs and Crystal’s. Lol

I find nothing wrong with texting, but I would not accept it as a primary means of communication.

disco

February 5th, 2013
10:00 am

Robert – some days I do not know who is more off you or exiled. so far, today, you are winning. texting as girly or gay? really?

Celisea

February 5th, 2013
10:01 am

I will say though, texting has been the channel for me to get something off my chest, if I’m irked to no end but want to sound rational and not too abrasive. Not saying I haven’t gotten abrasive in a text cause I have. But, it’s been a means for me to lay it out there, chosing my words and calmly talk later. Don’t judge me.

Button

February 5th, 2013
10:09 am

mighty sexist of you Robert! texting = girly?

Button

February 5th, 2013
10:10 am

one might say a man who blogs is gay…now what Robert

Robert

February 5th, 2013
10:13 am

@disco – I can only speak for myself and I try to tell the truth about a real subject matter like “texting”. I am a Man and I do not use texting as a form of communication. I think texting is for women and not for men just like other things today that young inexperienced men do such as wearing earrings (2), sagging pants to show their underwear, multiple tatoos, etc.. I am surprised that women accept texting from a man as a proper form of communications or any other stupid things they do to their appearance that make them standout whether or not it is appropriate or not. Texting is for women not for men.

I am glad my woman would rather hear my voice and talk to me on the phone rather than read a text message from me.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 5th, 2013
10:16 am

Am I in a time machine or something????? Of course dating in todays world will involve texting and e-mails and whatnot…. Just like having a conversation about dating will happen on a blog or social media as oppsed to the lucnch counter at Mels Diner!!!! I for one have a busy life…. I do not have time to sit around on teh phone for extended periods having general conversations…. I text, make short calls, a quick e-mail or whatever……Social media of all types are a part of our world, I see nothing wrong with using it. Now if you get that 2am call, It does not matter what you think because the person on the other end has already put you designated you a botty call…He does not care what you think at that point anyway…….

disco

February 5th, 2013
10:20 am

Robert – I am a woman and I don’t text message either. did you not read the post where I indicated that I completely disabled the service on my phone? while I do think texting as a primary use of communication is for youngsters I understand that some adults use it for convenience. I also understand that some adults use it as a primary form of communication. personally I think that’s when “game” comes in. that’s when I suspect that half a dozen folks are getting that same “what’s up, thinking about you, what you doing” generic azz message.

robert – young men with tattoos ultimately become old men with tattoos.

courtside – did you say mel’s diner? dang.

in defense of the 2am calls. granted I understand the booty call concept but just for the sake of argument we’ll say that every now and again it really is just an “I miss you and I wanted to hear your voice” call. maybe, just maybe, it’s not an effort to swing by. maybe, just maybe, it really is an innocent call albeit in the middle of the night. lol.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 5th, 2013
10:21 am

Damn…sounds like Robert might have some questions about HIS manhood…. You need a hug bruh???

disco

February 5th, 2013
10:34 am

courtside – the fact that you are willing to hug a man who might be questioning his manhood indicates that you are either 1) confident in yours or 2) the gay texting brother with tattoos and sagging pants of which robert speaks. which is it? lol.

Robert

February 5th, 2013
10:40 am

@Button – I hope my comments about “texting” answer some of your questions about the differences between men and women and how we think about communications.

Why Men Do Not Text – Top 3 Reasons

1. Texting was invented for women. Just like birth control pills.

2. Texting is not masculine. No Man plays with their fingers. ADHD

3. Texting requires spelling. Men would rather say-it than spell-it.

disco

February 5th, 2013
10:44 am

robert – I have to ask if you are humoring us this morning? nothing like a good joke to start the day. lol. please. let’s face it. certain types of men absolutely love text messaging. they can tell all their women “happy valentine’s day” at the same time at the touch of a button. they can send their wife/wifey a message about working late while they are at their jumpoff’s house. texting invented for women? please. what for? so they can text hubs to pick up some milk on the way home? quit tripping dude.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 5th, 2013
10:54 am

@Robert

Your logic is specious; a rebuttal

1. Texting prevents talking, what man wouldn’t like that
2. What woman doesn’t like a man with digital dexterity
3. A ‘grown’ man – nay, an adult – learns to spell things correctly, instead of coping out

Button

February 5th, 2013
10:55 am

Texting was invented for women. Just like birth control pills. lol @Robert you are entitled to your opinion for sure.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 5th, 2013
11:02 am

disco, Mornign sweetie :)
No problems with my manhood… Confident enough to hug it out when needed, smart enough to talk it out when needed and strong enough to …… well you get the picture :)

Robert

February 5th, 2013
11:02 am

disco

February 5th, 2013
11:03 am

the argument could be made that birth control pills were invented for men. gives them the opportunity to possibly get more cooter than they could get if old girl was worried about getting knocked up. not only that but the men are the ones that would be weeping and moaning and whining when the child support order was finalized.

what’s up dan with your superior self?

Bluzgirl...Suffering a blues hangover!

February 5th, 2013
11:05 am

Many times, I prefer to communicate via text. That is because I’m on the phone at work all day and don’t like to talk a lot in the evenings. I guess a lot depends on if I’m really digging the guy…

disco

February 5th, 2013
11:09 am

hey bluz – I guess your hangover comment is our invitation to ask how was Memphis. so, how was Memphis?

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 5th, 2013
11:11 am

Read the story Robert….. sounds like their little bad azzes were anything but gay….. What was your point????

Leggs

February 5th, 2013
11:18 am

When should you put a stop to the text messages and emails as the sole means of communication? Silly rabbit, when you realize that’s the only way you two communicate (and hopefully it doesn’t take long to realize this), bring to his attention. If he continues, you have only one choice, RUN FOR HILLS!

Morning….

Robert

February 5th, 2013
11:21 am

@Courtside – My point was texting is ruining our society. When I was a teenager I did not have a “beeper” or a cell phone. Know look at these high school teenagers destroying their lives before they get started, especially the girls who will have negative images of their bodies posted online.

disco

February 5th, 2013
11:24 am

robert – I recall once upon a time on the blog asking bluz if she found that people in her company shook their heads a lot. now I have to ask you the same. do you notice folks shaking their heads a lot during conversations with you? do they squint their eyes a little bit and look and one another before bringing their attention back to you? I’m just curious.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 5th, 2013
11:29 am

Come on Robert, The means and the availabilty is different, but when you were 16 years old you were swiping and sharing you uncles Penthouse mags and trying like hell to get some any which way you could… and then you were running a fast as you could to your buddy Man Man to tell him Shae let you put your fingers in it. My point is that this is not new. The message travels a whole lot faster, but even then, the same thing was going on…..

Single and Happy I tried, I really tried!! (LMAO)

February 5th, 2013
11:30 am

Hey all :-D

Disco, I have to ask you, do you suffer from migraines? because if you don’t you will be soon (LMAO)

Falcon Fans Rise-Up

February 5th, 2013
11:30 am

Morning!

I can wait to here about Bluzgirl weekend in Memphis, she is one of a kind. lol

I am not big into texting, I do prefer to speak and hear a person voice on the phone. Listening to a person speak provides evidence regarding the potential 2pm that it might work. I really don’t see anything wrong with a booty call, it’s sex. Just enjoy it!

HALO46 from Virginia please come back!

@Whats up Ms. Disco?

Single and Happy I tried, I really tried!! (LMAO)

February 5th, 2013
11:34 am

and I’m going to jump right in, When I was a teenager I did not have a “beeper” or a cell phone. neither did I!! Oh wait nobody did because they weren’t around!!

@Robert, what is your age that would have made you have these things, it has to be younger than 40!

disco

February 5th, 2013
11:40 am

s/h – surprisingly I do not suffer from headaches or migraines. I like to believe it’s because I don’t hold much in. now, I wouldn’t be surprised if folks around me had headaches or migraines. I suppose I’m one of those folks that can just take you there.

s/h – by the way, what did you try? really try?

hey falcon.

abc

February 5th, 2013
11:40 am

When should you put a stop to the text messages and emails as the sole means of communication? One should NEVER use text messages and email as a sole means of communication. There are only 5 people who I permit to text me, and I only allow that because they’re my kids, my wife, and one other person.

Do you think that getting to know someone via technology can lead you to a false sense of familiarity or security? I don’t see how that could be possible. Unless you have an unrealistic view of what getting to know someone really is, or what real familiarity and security are.

How do you handle late night text messages or phone calls?

Bluzgirl...Suffering a blues hangover!

February 5th, 2013
11:41 am

Memphis was absolutely incredible!!! Words really can’t describe the fun we had. My voice still isn’t back 100%. Our solo musician won the competition, so that made it even more awesome. I feel like I’m getting old cause I’m still so tired, even though I slept most of the day yesterday! LOL!

abc

February 5th, 2013
11:41 am

How do you handle late night text messages or phone calls? It had better be for work, and even then it had better be really, really necessary.

disco

February 5th, 2013
11:52 am

s/h – for fun maybe we can list some of the things we did have as kids/teens since we didn’t have pagers and whatnot. I remember having starter skates. you know the ones where you wear your shoes and slip them into the skate? I then graduated to a pair of real skates. indoor/outdoor. white with a red and blue stripe. my brother had a pair that was blue with a red and white stripe. when I got older (old enough for the all night skating parties) I got some serious skates. the all white ones with the orange stopper and the big fuzzy think on the toe. oh. and because I didn’t have a cell phone I had dimes (yes dimes) to call for a ride from the skating rink.