Dating: Dial back the crazy
I have been blogging about dating and relationships for a long time – yet somehow I am still amazed at the amount of crazy misadventures that happen in Atlanta. Many of these dating misadventures play out on radio – specifically Q100’s The Bert Show. Their entire bit about “closure calls” alone is enough to send you back to your sofa on Saturday nights.
People call into the show to ask for help in tracking down the guy or girl who pulled that oh so lovely disappearing act (my personal favorite!) without “closure”. The thing about closure though, it should not even matter so much. Why do you need to know the reason they bailed? The fact that they are gone is not enough?! But, I digress.
One recent closure called involved a woman who could not figure out why the guy she was seeing never called her back. Sure, he was engaged to be married while she foolishly believed he truly wanted to be with her.
She actually wanted to know why he did not come back for her after he broke off his engagement. You’re probably already guessing how his closure call went down: He was never interested in a relationship with her. It was just sex to him. The end.
I wish I could say this doesn’t happen often but sadly it does. Women confuse love and sex. Men take full advantage of no strings attached sex – except there are strings, lots and lots of strings. People feel entitled to get what they want and get angry when they don’t get it.
When it comes to dating, it’s time to dial back the crazy admit that sometimes you have to charge it to the game. If things are not going the way you want them to and you decide to stick around, you can’t play victim.
Why do you think so many people confuse love and lust? Have you ever felt the need to get an explanation as to why someone bailed on you?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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129 comments Add your comment
Lee
February 4th, 2013
6:50 am
Well I have left the scene before without so much as good bye. This is how i break it down, if you are lying what am I going to say, lier will only lie some more , and it becomes an endless cycle … I know i have tried this before… beating a brick wall with your fists only hurts more.. better to move on.. and some are just NUTS and need mental help — you can never talk to crazy.
So if you have been left without so much as a word of good bye, and you know you lied –take it as that person also knows and doesn’t want to deal with the likes of you.. If you know that the man/lady is cheating and they stop calling , it doesn’t take an act of God to know why they stopped. Time for some people to be truthful with themselves…If you thought you were in a wonderful relationship and that person just left, consider that he/she was not honest and left before you found out, consider yourself lucky they left on their own.
And there has never been a Happy Monday, unless it was a holiday and we had the day off. Lol
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
7:44 am
Hey all,
If you want closure, move on with your life! Most that won’t it never get it because unless it’s what you want to hear, you’re not going to believe it anyway.
Lee, Everyday is a Happy day!!
Exiled!
February 4th, 2013
7:58 am
If you ain’t fudging him anymore that is Closure in itself!
You ain’t,Anymore.
Sex is such a halucinogen(sp) so much so that we are Always going to have this problem.
Unless if the sex is horrible! (
)…yeah,maybe then she can forget U!
SlimNu - Out from under a rock
February 4th, 2013
8:46 am
Morning gang! Long time no see…had a busy week last week with the boss here from out of town. Regarding the topic, depending on the circumstances I’d want to know what the deal was…especially if me and this person spent a significant amount of time together. Now if it was just a fling or something, with no emotional ties, then there would be no need. Time expired right?
Did I miss anything good last week?
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
9:15 am
I’m still burping up Tequila. I struggled to get in the office this morning and I’m practically the only one here. Seems like everyone else decided to work from home. Dayum I feel horrible.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
9:17 am
I honestly can’t say I’ve had someone get ghost on me. As I’ve said many times on here, I’ve only been in 3 REAL real, REALLY longterm relationships. Working on #4 (and the last
). Now if we’re talking busters and jokers over the years that didn’t want to pursue cause I wasn’t Willy Lump Lump, where it may have been “one hit wonders (one hit as in being just one date), I’ve experienced a number of those. Those though, were mostly, no getting felt up or groped on all night. lolololol That wasn’t happening. So yeah, I’ve been a prude (to some, and those that didn’t really want anything), all ma liiiife….lolololol
I remember being at Dugan’s on Ponce some years back with my girls and this nice looking brother came to the table and after a few minutes of talking, asked for my number. We chatted a bit in the parking lot before leaving and he told me a bit about himself. He was an auditor for the State of Georgia, nice looking, nice ride, and really “appeared to be a good catch.” So y’all can imagine I was a bit excited. He didn’t appear to be (on the surface), your run of the mill dude like so many others in there looking for easy. Anyhoo, I gave him my number. That was Friday. He called Sunday and wanted to come over. Ummmm, I didn’t hesitate to tell him, I wasn’t comfortable as I didn’t know him. Needless to say that put a bitter taste in his mouth. He opted to pass on meeting somewhere. Yeah, he took a hardline. And I took an even harder one…lol I was honestly okay with buddy not being okay with that. And while I was a bit disappointed, it was no sweat off my back to forget that one. Actually I’d forgetten about that until now.
But yeah, nope no fade out, disappearing acts…..lol Really, I would want to know if a dude went ghost, but you can believe if he didn’t tell me why, I wouldn’t be hunting his behind down tryna understand. Disappearing in and of itself is IMO, the highest form of insult. I wouldn’t give a dude that….chasing him down to know why….nuh uh
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
9:22 am
Oh, and I NEVER confuse love with lust. I don’t. I’ve already said, I don’t have the ability to separate myself from love and emotions, when becoming physical, so for me, I don’t play with that kind of stuff. I can be crazy….lolololol I KID I KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SlimNu - Out from under a rock
February 4th, 2013
9:26 am
DuS – Usually there are 5 ladies in my department but there are only 3 of us today. Even my boss said he should’ve stayed home lol
disco
February 4th, 2013
9:27 am
good morning. guess I’m on the fence about closure. I definitely can’t stand to hear anyone whining about it. still, I’m a vocal type and if I don’t like you or don’t want to be with you anymore I’m most definitely going to tell you why. heck, folks have told me to tone down my closure. lol. on the flip side, I’ve had a guy or two or three simply drop off the face of the earth. frankly it’s a little bit more than annoying. it’s enough to make you want to bust them in the head with a brick. how hard is it to say “i found a better shot of azz across town” or whatever your reason is. lol.
kimmie
February 4th, 2013
9:28 am
Morning Gang!
Luckily I had the good sense to take today off, blogging from home. It was a mini-UGA reunion up in my camp yesterday for the Super Bowl. We had a blast, my girls made an entire punchbowl of pom magheritas that were banging and folks tore it up! Hubs made this serious chilli where he smoked the ground beef on the grill. It was quickly gone! My poor little children stayed up a bit longer than they normally would on a school night so they were moving slow this morning, but I was gentle with them.LOL!!
On topic – I’ve had a few to disappear, but no sweat off my back. Actually it’s easier that way, no need wasting each others time if you’re not into it, no awkward conversations or lame excuses. Never had anyone of any significance go ghost, just the phone calls & dates would taper off. We both “got the message”. By the time one of us would officially end things, it was pretty much understood.
I would never give any dude the satisfaction though, of running him down to find out “why?”
kimmie
February 4th, 2013
9:33 am
There were 2 guys in particular I had to, for my safety, eeeaaaase away from! They would not have handled the truth, that I found another guy, very well at all. Even though things were clearly not working for us, I knew they had a dark side that would not have dealt with it well. So there are times when you need to just chill with the frank closure stuff and tip away carefully.
disco
February 4th, 2013
9:36 am
hey kimmie – when I started to read your post (there were two guys I had to ease away from) I initially thought you were talking about something that jumped off at y’all’s superbowl party. lol. I was about to be like “What? for real??”
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
9:38 am
As far as I can remember, I never gave anybody bench papers “face2face”…not happening especially if she almost sprained her toes while curling them……
All my exs have had to go on the bench or moved on coz the seperation was Implied….after I ghosted.
A brother gotta self protect…..
kimmie
February 4th, 2013
9:39 am
Hey Disco!! Girl naw, we drank alot yesterday but things didn’t get THAT BUCK!!LOL!!
I told my hubs about your dream about his teeth. He was like, so are you on that blog talking about my teeth? LOL!! I said no we have more interesting things to discuss on the blog, thank you!!
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
9:43 am
All my exs have had to go on the bench or moved on coz the seperation was Implied….after I ghosted
Yeah, that right there is the reason a woman better self protect and guard the heart. If most dudes would be honest, they don’t really want nothing (other than getting the drawers), no way!
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
9:44 am
In spite of negative behavior, there are STILL good brothers that exists
disco
February 4th, 2013
9:54 am
I ain’t trying to start nothing but boy I wish I had a plate of food. some bacon, eggs, grits, home fries etc etc etc would be on point right about now.
Button
February 4th, 2013
9:58 am
Enter your comments here
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:02 am
I’ve not gone “ghost” per se on anyone to my recollection (don’t quote me on that….lol), but I’ve become instantly turned off by the flow of conversation or where they want things to go, or just by them. I don’t “taper” off. I just stop talking….lololol Honestly, when I’ve been turned off by something, I make up in my mind right then, I’m not doing. I don’t or haven’t had the closure conversation. Dude will continue to call or text and I’ll keep it brief and friendly. After a while, he just knows. Don’t judge me. At least I didn’t get the drawers and run…..lolololol
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:04 am
And I guess in a sense, you can say that’s “dude” behavior. Cause a dude can be calling (most likely won’t answer), texting/messaging me and I’ll respond….all nice and friendly. At that point though, like I said it’s gonna be brief but then I become intentional in my words and what I “don’t” say….
Button
February 4th, 2013
10:04 am
Good monday morning! I want closure! why oh why not tell me why you don’t want me? why just up and leave and walk out of my life like a ghost walking thru my soul!
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:10 am
And when I say “I just stop talking”, but remain brief but friendly if they reach out to me, I mean I don’t initiate, call, ask, pursue, wonder…none of that. I’m done. I’m just waiting on you to get it.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:13 am
Off topic: I’ve been doing really well hitting the gym. I’m going one last time tonight…this week. I have plans tomorrow night, I’m out of here to travel on business Wednesday and I won’t be back until about 9:00 Friday night. Well, I take that back, most hotels I stay in have a gym. If I get in and it’s not too late, I’m hitting the gym. Don’t want to break my streak. I have reservation for the Alofts, but y’all know me, I’m on the waiting list at the Ritz….lol I about to check our corp travels and see if any updates. I KNOW they have a gym. Don’t know about the Alofts. Guess I can check online and see.
disco
February 4th, 2013
10:16 am
celisea – while I get your perspective (and I think a few others mentioned the same tactic) why not just hit old boy with a straight up direct “ninja I ain’t feeling you, please stop calling me”. is it because you are too nice for that or because you feel they might handle it better if let down easy or whatever reason. certainly not picking on you but just asking because you are here. me, myself, personally (I love that tacky little line) I would take the leave me alone route.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:24 am
disco – Hmmm, good question. Most times, I don’t want the confrontations or being pinned down to ask “why?” Because if I’m asked why, it’s going to be honestly….and probably to them, brutal honesty. So, I’d rather not “have the talk.” Too, I’ve gotten older and I don’t want to have the talk. I don’t. I don’t want to have to explain.
Ut oh, I’m sounding like a dude, huh? In all fairness (to men), that’s probably how they feel as well. I’m just though, not going to play games and get something out of it (for nothing) and run…like most dudes do. I don’t want dates or a dude to pay for stuff once I’m not feeling it. I’m not gonna do THAT kind of stuff. That’s why I sort of “jokie joked” earlier and said, “at least I don’t get the drawers and run.” Once you know it’s not for you, I don’t believe in using people.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:27 am
I repeated myself….my bad…my phone rang and I stopped typing…then started back.
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
10:36 am
For us dudes, part of the reason we dont do Closure calls is coz you chics “record”…its verbatim and there..but as dudes, some of us want the pleasure of hitting it again at some point if we so desire…
so saying,”Disco, i aint feeling u like that!” is hurtful but closes out any possibillity that you may meet down the road,in some future,have coffee and cajole her to come to the crib to “watch a movie”
….it aint gon happpen coz you put it in black and white….
And women tend to be resentful if u say that..shes thinking Kartma etc…..
So ghost is a hedging strategy as well… coz u can always explain urself outta wehy u went ghost..”oh, my mum was so sick and I was soo depressed, i didnt wanna talk to anybody….
shes gon respond..”but ohh, i had ur best interests at heart, why wld u do that?”"”"….see, oif u want some,thats the time to say…”im sorry babey”..while feeling her…eating pop corn and watching the movie
More bootey!
disco
February 4th, 2013
10:41 am
ex – you are leaving the door open for more stupid booty because I’m from the school of “first time shame on you, second time shame on me”. you will not play me and then re-appear later on some okey doke bs and think you are going to get some.
halo46
February 4th, 2013
10:41 am
I do the same as Celisea. I hate confrontation and explaining. They sound so desperate when they need an explanation. I just had this experience last week. Some dude gave me his phone number. He had all the credentials (said he had a successful career, single, intelligent speaking) but I wasn’t attracted to him. However, relationship experts say date out of the norm. I thought I would take his number and consider it over. Anyway so as I am putting his number in my cell phone, he asks me to call him so he would have my number. I knew this was a mistake, but whatever. I didn’t want to explain to him why I wouldn’t call him right then. He calls me in a couple hours, then texts and then calls again. By that time, I realized that I could never kiss this guy. So I didn’t respond to any texts or calls. He finally texted me that if i am not interested then be a lady and say so. That pissed me off because I am a lady, and do not need him to confirm that. But I texted him that I am involved and not interested. Of course, he bacame nasty and texted something about I should stop playing with people. Dude, I don’t even know you. smh I didn’t respond to that either. Perhaps if he would gotten to the first date, then maybe I would have been like Celisea and responded to texts or calls every so often until he got the message. But dude come on, he wasn’t even invested. I just wasn’t interested.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:44 am
you will not play me and then re-appear later on some okey doke bs and think you are going to get some.
Cosign. And while Mmeello’s story/example sounded really fairytale-ish, cause I laughed when I read it….I did….for real…some chick will fall that EVERY SINGLE TIME.
disco
February 4th, 2013
10:49 am
halo – there are so many things wrong with your scenario. dude should have just asked for your number in the first place instead of giving you his and then bamboozling you into calling his phone but you fell for it so I ain’t mad at him. if you weren’t interested why go through the motion of taking his number to begin with? and then when he called you out, why say you are involved? you obviously didn’t say you were involved when you took his number. so in the span of a few hours you got a man. lol. girl. you funny.
I think I mentioned last week the clown in the grocery store asking what I was cooking. Saturday I’m in a bookstore just browsing and some big chunky boy ends up following me around the bookstore. first couple of sections I’ll give coincidence. next few sections, dude you are following me. get some business. I swear some men need to carry cheat sheets on what to say to chicks.
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
10:52 am
you will not play me and then re-appear later on some okey doke bs and think you are going to get some.
@Disco…i think thats the and experienced grown Disco talking.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:52 am
Hey Halo, here’s a crazy one for you…….
A couple of years ago, I was at Chickfila, getting breakfast before hitting the gym. There were a gang of firemen in there. Sooooo, I’m waiting and getting cream and stuff for my coffee, he’s standing next to me doing the same. He strikes up a convo and we begin to chat. I give him my number….mind you this is a Saturday. So, Saturday afternoon, I’m heading to the hospital to see my mom. My phone rings and it’s him. I answer, he asks what I’m doing and I told him I’d have to call him back because I was heading to the hospital to see my mom. He says okay, cool. HE CALLS ME BACK SATURDAY EVENING!! Same day now, that we’d met….same day
So, I answer again. He asks. I tell him, I’m at Belk’s picking up a few things, ummm, buddy then sounded slightly irritated. 
So, I tell him I’ll call him back. HE CALLS ME AGAIN SATURDAY NIGHT. I didn’t answer. He starts calling again around midnight…noooooo kidding!!! I didn’t answer…so he’s texting me asking “you up?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! I didn’t respond at all. As soon as the freaking sun was up, I called him and blasted him to Timbuktu…and told him to lose my number. Why did buddy wait a week and text me again??? 
I blocked him and his texts at that point.
A fireman now. Buddy as fine as heck but not THAT fine. I don’t do crazy. It only makes me (act) crazy….lololol
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
10:52 am
experienced and grown Disco
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
10:54 am
And that’s a TRUE story!!!
halo46
February 4th, 2013
10:56 am
I know it was lame. But I was trying to spare his feelings without just saying I am not attracted and I am not interested. If I would have just said I am not interested, believe me he would have asked why not? Besides I could have been involved and just wanted to trade up. Anyway, I thought I would take his number and perhaps never called. But he put me on the spot, and I was in a hurry because my (long distance relationship) friend was texting me. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
10:56 am
Morning All!
I prefer honesty, but that’s just me. Also, if you ghost, don’t think you can come back later saying your mom was sick or whatever and get back in because with so many ways of communication, there is no excuse for pulling a disappearing act with no communication whatsoever even if someone is sick. That said, closure is overrated. I tried that whole closure thing when I left my ex, wanting to know why he did certain things and how long he was going to hide his mistress’s pregnancy, etc. After a short time, I just kept it moving because the lies were becoming too much and I saw no way of forgiving him any time soon. I created my own closure by moving on, forgiving myself and making my peace with what happened.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:00 am
I will say, I don’t NOT talk to dudes, once I feel it’s a no go for me, I will talk but I won’t allow it to venture anywhere. That’s when I pick and choose my words. Too, I’m no longer available. Can’t make it or busy. At least I’m not being rude or just plain hiding. I will be responsive. I’ll go one further and be friendly as long as he’s not pushy and pushing the matter. That will make me shut down.
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:01 am
@Celisea. I was going to say…a fireman! They are normally, like you said, fine as heck! I don’t know I may have had to hang in there for a little while. Sorry to say, but fineness is my weakness. I can take a lot of lies from a fine man, before I finally give up. lol It’s hard to tie them down. Just had to let go of one recently. He had a new story every other week. lol
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:04 am
halo – LOLOLOLOL….I was just so blown away by him calling alllll day, and then texting asking “you up?” For real dude? I dunno, I could have dealt with his early clingyness, but he didn’t text just once. No lie, the texts didn’t stop until about 3 a.m….no lie!! I was livid by that time. I would have been fine with the three calls and then the oppotunity to call him back in a day or so. Honestly, I got the feeling cause he was fine that he was able to move in quick on women. I didn’t want to deal with a “ho”….that’s the feeling I got.
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:04 am
I created my own closure by moving on, forgiving myself and making my peace with what happened.
@Ms. Atl. +100
disco
February 4th, 2013
11:04 am
ex – even as a youngster I didn’t get down like that. that saying “first time shame on me, second time shame on you” is fitting for many, many situations. my parents, grandparents made it clear that someone could play you, take advantage of you, what have you the first time only. after the first time it’s on you for not learning your lesson. aside from that I’m just too stubborn to allow a dude to think he’s got it like that. naw player, you ain’t nobody. lol.
halo – so what if he asks why you aren’t interested. you just met him. you don’t owe him anything. I guess maybe I am too mean. I’ll go straight scrub on somebody. “no, I don’t want your number. no, I don’t wanna give you mine”. lol.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:05 am
Yep, a fireman. Chickfila in Smyrna…right that by 285…lololol I would say there was about 4 or 5 of them.
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
11:06 am
That said, closure is overrated…..Closure is a selfish desire by some because they just feel things shld have gon their way…..and if u get “CLOSURE”..all u really get are lies……”its not u but its me” kinda stuff…..seriously, who in all seriousness is gon be truthful why she prefers that other hot chic compared to to her(ex)…..coz she aint getting the closure lying down anywway..shes going to verbalize disagreement….”so u benching me for that chic that did blah blah blah” ..its all about her…
and now if u are not careful as dude…she starts ranting and raving….the violence and temper..
miss me with that…
whats the point?
we all grwon..u gotta figure things for urself…
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:07 am
halo – I can take a lot of lies from a fine man, before I finally give up That’s funny cause dudes are the ones that will tolerate much BS if a chick is fine before he finally wears tired. That was funny….lolololol
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:11 am
@Celisea. Yeah that’s crazy.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:16 am
halo – Honestly, I think that was about getting some, cause everything I said was apparently lost in translation. When I called him back to blast him, I AM SOOO NOT KIDDING, after all that, he asked to come by on his way home from the firestation. I think dude was married. Don’t ask me how or why, just the feeling I had.
Girrrrrl, I say ruuuuuuuuuun. And for the record, dontcha just hate when they ask for your number and then dial it, for you to add to your contacts???
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:17 am
I have not done any work today…shame on me. Actually, I’m sitting on a conference call. After the call, I’m getting on the blog and getting to work
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:17 am
“off”…getting off the blog, and getting to work, is what I meant
Button
February 4th, 2013
11:18 am
The guys that disappear but send texts at christmas, thanksgiving, easter. Why even keep the number?
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
11:19 am
Ex- I think maybe for some folks, closure is a selfish desire because they feel things should have gone their way. However, I think for the majority, it is borne out a sense of right and wrong, fairness in dealing with others, an understanding of what went “wrong” and maybe getting an apology (or offering one) for hurt feelings and bad behavior. We have had the “closure” thing thrown at us by the likes of therapist, television therapists, and talk show hosts for years and we have bought into it.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:22 am
I won’t even talk about holiday texts. My phone blows up. Of course those are from, truly friends that are friends (male and female) but we just don’t get a chance to chat as much and dudes that were once potentials
Okay, I’m off for now
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:24 am
I agree with Ms. Atl. I do not need closure, the only closue I want if for you not to call me again and try to play me again. Because when I’m in between relationships, sometimes I get weak, and give him one more try. I know, I know…that’s crazy, right? But once I move on, then that is when those dudes want you bad. wth? d,j
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:24 am
i meant smh
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:26 am
And I hate holiday texts. why, why, why? Just lose my number already. I’ve lost yours.
Leaving for lunch break.
It’s cold in Williamsburg, VA.
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
11:27 am
I agree with exiled closure is overrate. Usually woman think because the man wants the puddy he will want to wifey her,, not the man only wants the puddy. Logical thinking women know that it takes more than good puddy to hook a man.
If a woman becomes ghost I will text thank you very much…Next!!
Closure in my past has meant hitting a few more times then I am ghost…Make-up Sex is very good! Yes it is!
@Disco how was your weekend?
Button
February 4th, 2013
11:37 am
Closure is not overrated imo. Just like anything else you should have closure from it. if you were to lose your job you get a reson why and if you don’t give you a reason you will WANT it right? so why be so nonchalant when it comes to your feelings as to why the other person has left you in the wind?
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
11:39 am
@BUTTON..so a guy must provide reasons why he chose that chic over u and why?
Really…..?
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
11:41 am
I could never understand the need for an exit conversation. To use a super bowl analogy, if I no longer attend practice and never come to the stadium, like Ray Lewis “that was my last ride”. If you have called and text me 10 times with no response, you have just experienced closure.
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
11:42 am
borne out a sense of right and wrong, fairness in dealing with others
@MsAtl…there lies the problem coz my decisons to chose her over her are always selfish..about me…i can choose who i want…to have to justify that to another..is painful..unwarranted really….when u date,u break off..its common even in marriage….so why…for dating this shldnt even be an issue coz i dont owe chic noithing..we aint married for anybody to give a reason…
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
11:44 am
@Button you want a reason from your job just in case some type of discrimination may have occurred. You need to know why you were fired because of the possible financial ramifications to that person.
Now consideration a relationship maybe short term, you really need to keep it moving…Just know this the puddy was not good enough to make him stay. If he comes back with the new girl does tricks in bed that you would not do. Do you want to hear that? Chalk it up as he was just not for you.
Robert
February 4th, 2013
11:50 am
@Celisea – “Cause a dude can be calling (most likely won’t answer), texting/messaging me and I’ll respond….all nice and friendly.”
That’s why I do not call or text. I will show-up at your house. Just in case…
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
11:54 am
Closure = I’ll clos ure door on my way out!! (LOL)
Robert
February 4th, 2013
11:54 am
@kimmie – “I would never give any dude the satisfaction though, of running him down to find out “why?”
I would gladly run down a good woman and ask her “why”? Sometimes a man has to do what a man does – Beg her to stay. I hate to lose a good woman with skills.
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
11:54 am
I also believe that if you value the chick and respect the friendship, she deserves an honorable discharge. Most guys dread those conversations because they rarely go as planned. From my experience, if you say to a female “I decided to move in another direction, so we will no longer be able to kick it like we used to.” She’s not going to say “thanks for calling. I appreciate your honesty.” She will have some other choice words for you.
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
11:56 am
if you were to lose your job you get a reason why and if you don’t give you a reason you will WANT it right? Umm no! you pretty much know why, it just didn’t slip up on you!
Robert
February 4th, 2013
11:57 am
@disco – “first time shame on you, second time shame on me”.
I promise you no shame. Just sex. No strings attached.
disco
February 4th, 2013
11:57 am
raven – my weekend? regular stuff, shopping, gym, movies etc.
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
12:01 pm
Ex – I think that depends on the circumstances. If we have been “kickin” it for a few months and you decide to be with some other chick, then maybe you have a point. However, I think that in a marriage, particularly a 26 year marriage with children, more is expected, deserved, and owed. That is where DuShawn’s comment comes into play. Not to mention, you still have to communicate because of the children. It was jsut bad business, that’s all. If this was a made for tv movie and if I was not the person I am, things could have gone down a whole lot differently (cue Channel 2 News, lol).
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
12:01 pm
Robert – Say it aint’ so….you don’t just “show up” do you?
The only time I’ve given a pass to a dude showing up, is when he’s been “my man.” We may be having an “off” period and he wants to work things out. Even with that, he better be talking fast. Now, just some any ole random dude? Please, don’t show up, you might end up getting locked up. IJS
That’s the same rule for me with quickies and stuff….only a solid boo gets that kind of treatment.
disco
February 4th, 2013
12:01 pm
dushawn – lol. funny I used those exact same words once when I met a guy, gave him my number and in the first phone call he came clean about having recently been paroled after serving time for bank robbery. all I had in me was “thanks for calling. I appreciate your honesty but…”
sup s/h?
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
12:02 pm
Robert – You said you will show up “just in case”….
Just in case what? Another dude is there? Or you want to talk live and in person? Or just you case you can hit it again, if that’s been the nature of the relationship??
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
12:03 pm
MsAtl..ohhh yea, in marriage thats different..we have to have serious discussions..but i thought we talking dating Closure here,not marriage closure.
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
12:03 pm
Hey Disco
Robert
February 4th, 2013
12:05 pm
Why does a Man go “ghost” – Top 3 Reasons
1. Blind date – You need a blindfold to date her. Real ugly.
2. Personal Appearance – She is a “fake” (hair, teeth, butt, etc.).
3. Communication – You can smell her before you hear her. Bad breath.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
12:05 pm
Just know this the puddy was not good enough to make him stay.
Contrary to what folks believe, even platinum coochie won’t make a dude stay. A dude stays because he wants to stay. I’m surporised to hear a dude say that. Most dudes know, they stay because they want to stay. Not because of a strong hold. You might keep coming back if it’s good, for a taste, but you do what you do because you want to do it.
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
12:07 pm
In dating closure, I am not going to run after any man to find out why? I will just keep it moving and see it as a sign that someone just saved me from grief, drama, and B.S.
Robert- Like Celisea said, you may want to rething your habit of just showing up…
halo46
February 4th, 2013
12:15 pm
It is hard for a woman to understand why. Especially when shebelieves she is attractive, the sex is good, and she has more money than him. My theory is that we get attached too soon and we want all of his time (what he deems as crazy…ijs. lol) . I think there is a song about that. lol But I don’t need for you to explain to me why you don’t call more often, I just need to do what I gotta do to move on.
Button
February 4th, 2013
1:17 pm
Exile, yes I would like to have reasons why he left. Whats so wrong with wanting to know? You may not want to care to know but I sure will. If we’re dating and spending quantity time together then he/she up and leave why not say the reason behind it? Who wants to play the quessing game?
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
1:21 pm
The bad part is, when guys “get ghost” it’s premeditated. We know before we hit it for the last time, that this will be the last time. Shockingly, I agree with Celisea “you do what you do because you want to do it.” Unlike Robert’s Top 3, there is really only one simple reason “I’ve tired of your company and no longer dig you.” Why force me to tell you that with a “closure” conversation.
Robert
February 4th, 2013
1:22 pm
@Celisea – “Just in Case”
I am not a phone/text kind of guy. I am old school. I just show-up “just in case” you need someone to talk too, a shoulder to lean on, a hug & kiss or some good sex with no strings attached. That’s what friends are for.
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
2:04 pm
I get the impression that HALO46 might be a little crazy. lol
halo46
February 4th, 2013
2:08 pm
@Ravens Rise-up…whatever….
disco
February 4th, 2013
2:16 pm
robert “just in case” – I for one am one of those people that does not play the uninvited/unexpected guest. I don’t go to anyone’s house without calling first and I don’t appreciate anyone showing up at my house without calling first. I’ve been known to ignore the doorbell simply because I wasn’t expecting anyone. that’s irksome as heck. I dated a guy that got fly a time or two and showed up unannounced talking about he was in the area. not a good look. what it is a good way to get cussed out if you catch me on the wrong day.
disco
February 4th, 2013
2:20 pm
raven – since it’s quiet, ain’t nobody here, guess I’ll instigate a little bit. just what kind of crazy are you calling halo? is she “girl, you so crazy – crazy” or is she disability check crazy.
Exiled!
February 4th, 2013
2:22 pm
@Button..u maybe of low self esteem really to have to want to be embarrassed that way.
It’s demeaning to hear.
Even in professional settings(job),it’s not cool to be told about urself…why u ain’t getting this or that.
It’s better for adult folks to figure some of this themselves.
When my wife says ’she loves me’ it don’t get over my head coz I know she can flip and love another man if the circumstances are right.
Folks act in favor of their self interests and those interests do change.
I know a dude that’s married to a really fat woman and I can tell it aint love.
It’s too bad the fat woman might just be as delusional.
She makes good $$$$$$
Dude don’t work!
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
2:32 pm
@Disco. I am with you please do not show up at my house with out calling me. Hey that goes for my parners as well. Now I do have some crazy relatives who just do not seem to get the message.
Disco I would say Halo46 is a cover name for I will break you fool if you don’t give me closure. That is “girl you so crazy”.
Disco do you think HALO46 or Button would round up the girls and say it time to go hunting. I have not heard from Robert or single in happy in 4hours.
Button
February 4th, 2013
2:32 pm
I doubt I have low self esteem buddy @ Exile. Just because I don’t agree with you then that makes me have low self esteem? WOW factor! to be involved with someone for a significate of time and for them to walk away with no reason or explaination is very cruel and to want to know why is not having low self esteem, it’s call being human and wanting answers.
halo46
February 4th, 2013
2:34 pm
yeah disco and ravens, maybe just been through some things like i suspect we all have. i was trying to keep it real. i am sure not everyone on this blog is not as confident and successful on this site as you pretend to me. but that’s just me. i have a job making 6 figures so i’m good. dang…you guys even give wise diva a hard time and she is just trying to open up conversation.
disco
February 4th, 2013
2:36 pm
raven – I don’t know what they would do but I know my friends and I have “gone fishing” plenty of times. guess it’s the same principle though with fishing you hook them and reel them in and with hunting you stalk them and put a bullet in them. hmmm. maybe I’ve got it all wrong. maybe I should’ve been hunting instead of fishing.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:00 pm
Robert – I am not a phone/text kind of guy. I am old school. I just show-up “just in case” you need someone to talk too, a shoulder to lean on, a hug & kiss or some good sex with no strings attached. That’s what friends are for.
You almost had me….lol I was oooing and awwwwing until the no strings attached sex. You lost me altogether. I was about to call you a great guy….lol
Dushawn – Shockingly, I agree with Celisea
Cut it out! You know I’m right all the time and you agree with me most of the time. You just haven’t realized it yet.
To disco and the bird, y’all stop being mean. Body counts on this mug is already at an all time low…
Gerald
February 4th, 2013
3:03 pm
Now that the silly football game is over, yes I’d say it is high time the sports nuts sink back into reality. I will never understand why people get violent and bent out of shape over a stupid game.
disco
February 4th, 2013
3:04 pm
C – being mean? me? never that. lol. okay fine. I’m mean sometimes but I wasn’t being mean today. I was just asking if he meant good crazy or bad crazy. no harm in that is there?
For Real
February 4th, 2013
3:20 pm
Chick: I need closure Aldag.
Aldag: I don’t want to be with you anymore Shafontaye.
Shafontaye: Stop playing Aldag, this is serious. We have been together since 2 yesterday nights and I want to know after giving you all my love why you don’t want to be with me?
Aldag: I’m not playing, I don’t want to be with you anymore. Now give me the key to these handcuffs so we can go.
abc
February 4th, 2013
3:21 pm
“People feel entitled to get what they want and get angry when they don’t get it. ” == psycho beeyotch, no? Narcissistic Rage much?
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
3:21 pm
So Button..what does being given a reason,if at all, do for u…most times a dude aint gon tell u the truth…most times folks,according to them,leave one girl for another coz it is an upgrade…..for them..it works for them….in their mind thats the consideration….
what is me(ur ex) saying “i dumped u coz i want some better for me”..going to do for u??
what wld be ur retort….how wld that help you..in any case,no dude does this..im just trying to find “logic” where there isnt any…
For Real
February 4th, 2013
3:28 pm
It is hard for a woman to understand why. Especially when shebelieves she is attractive, the sex is good, and she has more money than him. – Wow!!! She put that on everything she loves.
Chick: Look Robert you are really cool guy but I just don’t think we should see each other anymore.
Robert: Hey how about I come and we can talk about it?
Chick: No Robert I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Robert: I am not a phone/text kind of guy. I am old school. I just show-up
Chick: Goodbye Robert. (click)
Chick going to restroom and lift up the toilet seat.
Robert: We go cut off but like I was saying…
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:32 pm
While I’m all about and get and understand not telling me any ole thing (cause we know dirty folks do that), what is the harm in someone wanting their EX SO to be decent when walking away? What harm is in that? Like I said this morning, if things were to end, where my boo initiated, I would want to know. Am I gonna be hanging and acting a fool and hunting you done….UMMMMMMMMM NOT!!!! But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know. IMO, dating and interacting and becoming intimate at the least deserves a discussion. That’s not the same as a couple of dates and buddy (or a woman) dropping off. Even then I would want to know, but I would dig that it just aint’that deep. And again, my mantra that’s you don’t go letting folks all in and into your being, your body and your spirit. Half won’t deserve it anyway…IJS
If that’s narcissism that so be it
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:33 pm
my mantra is that….is what I meant
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:34 pm
Narcissistic Rage much
I shole didn’t see this coming, not as a result of any of the comments today. But hey, some days I’m just slow I guess……lololololololol
Robert
February 4th, 2013
3:38 pm
@disco – “I’ve been known to ignore the doorbell simply because I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
I will not ring the doorbell and disturb you. I will use my door keys in let myself in. I will wake you up and ask you to join me in eating a late nite snack (chinese food and chicken wings). Hopefully this will cheer you up and put you in a good mood.
disco
February 4th, 2013
3:40 pm
Robert – now you really got me stuck because I am not the chick that gives out door keys. no male unrelated to me has ever had a key to my house. EVER. i cringe at the thought. heck naw.
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
3:50 pm
@Celisea – “you agree with me most of the time….. ” you got jokes. You know good and well we are typically on different sides of every issue. Each writer’s opinion or position on a given subject is formulated by their life experiences. I believe or journeys are extremely different. However, today your comments are slightly more palatable. Either you reading me has made you cooler or me reading you has made me more of a lame.
disco
February 4th, 2013
3:52 pm
oooh dushawn. what you trying to say? you and celisea rubbing off on each other?
Robert
February 4th, 2013
3:52 pm
@For Real – “Robert: We go cut off but like I was saying…”
Robert: Listen honey, you know I demand respect because I give you the same thing, respect.
Robert: I will never let you go. You belong to me.
Robert: I will use my house keys and let myself in.
Robert: I am on my way, do you need anything before I get there?
Woman: No honey, just hurry-up.
Robert: OK, see you soon baby.
abc
February 4th, 2013
3:52 pm
I didn’t read up on all the comments, been busy today… I only commented on the topic. But yeah, that’s what it sounds like to me, and how I relate it to my own experiences, especially if I’m doing the walking. A few chicks have been like what what? You don’t walk away from good lookin, money makin, sweetheart little ol me like that! How bout we key the car, scream and yell, keep it up for awhile (and confirm for me that distance with quickness is actually the best course)?
Just per the topic. Your mileage may vary.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:53 pm
Dushawn – Either you reading me has made you cooler or me reading you has made me more of a lame
Correction: Either you reading me has made you more humane or me reading you has made me more crass. Seriously dude? You think the stuff you post is “cool?” Or you think folks agreeing with what you post makes it right and okay? Well, if not agreeing with using folks like old dust rags and lauging about it is lame, then so be it
I will say, I did laugh though at your 3:50. And I post this with nothing but blog church hugs. No hate or disdain here. Just don’t see eye to eye.
disco
February 4th, 2013
4:02 pm
celisea – did you just say using folks like old dust rags? well alright-y then. lol.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
4:03 pm
disco – Yuuup…. Y’all know y’all get Dushawn all gassed with the “cute stories” and “okay, since you’ve reformed” and “at least you’re honest” comments.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
4:04 pm
The more he’s gassed up the more stories he tells. Too, he’s just mad my stories are longer than his….lolololol Ain’t he the one that complained a couple of times on my long posts but always posting a book? At least 4 or 5 per page?
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
4:06 pm
@Celisea – You think the stuff you post is “cool?” No, but it’s real. My delivery may be a little “crass”, but hey, I often find your comments extremely pretentious and they reek of “Goodie Two Shoeness”. I never see eye to eye with square broads. It comes as no surprise that we have different views. (Church hug back at you, with a little grind and slight azz squeeze)
disco
February 4th, 2013
4:08 pm
C – you crazy. I’m tickled by dushawn because he is like a male version of me. like we could be related or from the same hood or something. we relate. lol. as for him being reformed, I don’t buy that. it’s like with addiction, he’s just coping one day at a time. that pre-today dushawn is still up in there.
dushawn – did you say “goody two shoeness”? LOL. omg. the two of you are too much. lol.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
4:11 pm
Dushawn – Boy stop…I just laughed out loud for real. I’m happy with my squareness.
Don’t let the smooth taste (i.e. Good Two Shoed squared broad) fool you. I’m still laughing. And btw, my besties are Ques, so you ain’t posting nothing I don’t know, know about or haven’t learned. I just chose to take the high road. Nothing pretentious about me boo. My experiences are posted….the ut ohs, the almosts, the shouldn’t haves, the glad I dids and the happy to be me…. While it may seem unbelievable to you, sorry you only know one side of the coin. Maybe you should broaden your horizons and get out more and see the whole world…not just your world 
disco
February 4th, 2013
4:12 pm
celisea and dushawn – I’m still sitting here cracking up at y’all. how come I just thought beauty and the beast? lol.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
4:14 pm
disco – Nice play on words. If you were a man, I’d guess you and Dushawn were identical…..lolololol Since you’re female, I’ll just say y’all have kindred spirit
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
4:16 pm
And I’ll let you have that azz squeeze. Usually that’s reserved for my boo
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 4th, 2013
4:43 pm
Afternoon Peeps!!! Hope everyone had a great weekend…
O/T… Like some have already said, I have think seeking closure is way overrated and never accomplishes anything. I remember once I was sitting at a girl I was seeings crib, and she said something that jsut set me off.. I sat there and stewed for a minute and when she went to the bathroom, I got up and left…. did not say a work just left… In fact I did not even close teh door. She called for a couple of days and finally i agreed to swing by a talk about it with her. We ended up having this huge argument that led to unbelievable make-up sex…. When she got up and got in the shower, I left again…….
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
4:45 pm
Celisea – I’ve seen both worlds. I know how yall squares get down………boring as hell. I honestly think you’re a sweet green chick. I really hope you find you a nice lame dude and continued happiness in your squareness. That’s not the path the most high had in store for me, Thank God. I’m a life liver. Just like you and your “boo” may enjoy a day at the museum discussing art, I’d rather party all night with the girls that have girlfriends, and the hustlers, pimps and hoes.
Button
February 4th, 2013
4:45 pm
Exile, I’m exhused!
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
4:48 pm
@Disco can I have an azz squeeze? I know it juicy…lol
Button and Halo46 I was just kidding please come back tomorrow and share. I had an experience when I was 18yrs where I wanted closure, that last additional another 6 months. I learned a lesson from that experience to let them go! Now thru out the rest of my relationships their was no need for closure because both parties already knew the end was coming. I usually made the first move.
disco
February 4th, 2013
4:51 pm
raven – I am not the one giving out azz squeezes.
courtside – old girl messed up letting you come over to talk. she didn’t learn the lesson of first time shame on you. lol.
dushawn – newsflash – it’s not 1972 and you are not the mack.
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
4:54 pm
Disco – Gurl..you better get wit this pimpin……Try it out….lol
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
4:58 pm
This mack pimp is about to go pick up his kids from aftercare, spend two hours on homework, cook dinner, and be under the covers snoring by ten o’clock.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
4:58 pm
Dushawn – Once again, I take all of that as a compliment.
Too bad I ain’t a ho, huh? And btw, my world ain’t two-sided like you just indicated yours is. I’m familiar with your world. Nothing to that and nothing appealing. Threesomes, hoes, parties, dranking, hustling, doping 
Age forty plus at that??? Ummm, I’d think not ANNND I’d rather take a pass! My kid’s dad is from your world. I gracefully took a pass. So, you should know, folks that OPT to live different ain’t missing out on life. We’re just not living YOUR life. Let’s just agree that our definition of living ain’t exactly squared (there’s that word again). Get out and rub up against some other stuff before you deem your life the be all that ends all.
But you do you and I’ll do me….and still no hate boo…
Night folks!
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 4th, 2013
4:59 pm
disco, when I agreed to go over so we could talk, I knew two things for sure:
1. Nothing was gonna change…
2. If she slipped up just a bit, I was gonna do all the things I use to ask and she would not agree to. 3. Once I was done, I was leaving! no explinations to be given.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
5:04 pm
And after a day or boogheness, we still come home and get nekkid. lolololol That is if the set up is right. If my kid is there, then we don’t disrobe
Now, night!
disco
February 4th, 2013
5:07 pm
celisea – and between me and you I don’t even think that’s dushawn’s world. that’s the world dushawn wanted to be a part of back when he was dreaming of patchwork leather trench coats and Cadillac broughams.
courtside – no need to explain to me. I already said old girl played herself.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
5:14 pm
disco – lolololol…. It’s just beyond me that a person over 40 with kids, still thinks fast liveing is “THE LIFE TO BE HAD!” Again, just cause some of us women choose to be descrete, live discretly and not blab everything don’t mean we’re living under a rock. I know for certain if I posted something skank on here, I’d be the blog’s ho. And sorry boo (Dushawn), frankly I gots nothing…lolol I think Dushawn is holding on to a time that’s slipping away. Shoot, age will bring about the change if you can’t embrace change. I could be mistaken, but I thought Dushawn remarked that he now resembles Cliff Huxtable? At least I thought he and one or two others used Cliff as their current model. Maybe my recollection is off
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
5:14 pm
living not liveing….what was I thinking?? lolol