Dating: Dial back the crazy
I have been blogging about dating and relationships for a long time – yet somehow I am still amazed at the amount of crazy misadventures that happen in Atlanta. Many of these dating misadventures play out on radio – specifically Q100’s The Bert Show. Their entire bit about “closure calls” alone is enough to send you back to your sofa on Saturday nights.
People call into the show to ask for help in tracking down the guy or girl who pulled that oh so lovely disappearing act (my personal favorite!) without “closure”. The thing about closure though, it should not even matter so much. Why do you need to know the reason they bailed? The fact that they are gone is not enough?! But, I digress.
One recent closure called involved a woman who could not figure out why the guy she was seeing never called her back. Sure, he was engaged to be married while she foolishly believed he truly wanted to be with her.
She actually wanted to know why he did not come back for her after he broke off his engagement. You’re probably already guessing how his closure call went down: He was never interested in a relationship with her. It was just sex to him. The end.
I wish I could say this doesn’t happen often but sadly it does. Women confuse love and sex. Men take full advantage of no strings attached sex – except there are strings, lots and lots of strings. People feel entitled to get what they want and get angry when they don’t get it.
When it comes to dating, it’s time to dial back the crazy admit that sometimes you have to charge it to the game. If things are not going the way you want them to and you decide to stick around, you can’t play victim.
Why do you think so many people confuse love and lust? Have you ever felt the need to get an explanation as to why someone bailed on you?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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129 comments Add your comment
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
11:19 am
Ex- I think maybe for some folks, closure is a selfish desire because they feel things should have gone their way. However, I think for the majority, it is borne out a sense of right and wrong, fairness in dealing with others, an understanding of what went “wrong” and maybe getting an apology (or offering one) for hurt feelings and bad behavior. We have had the “closure” thing thrown at us by the likes of therapist, television therapists, and talk show hosts for years and we have bought into it.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
11:22 am
I won’t even talk about holiday texts. My phone blows up. Of course those are from, truly friends that are friends (male and female) but we just don’t get a chance to chat as much and dudes that were once potentials
Okay, I’m off for now
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:24 am
I agree with Ms. Atl. I do not need closure, the only closue I want if for you not to call me again and try to play me again. Because when I’m in between relationships, sometimes I get weak, and give him one more try. I know, I know…that’s crazy, right? But once I move on, then that is when those dudes want you bad. wth? d,j
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:24 am
i meant smh
halo46
February 4th, 2013
11:26 am
And I hate holiday texts. why, why, why? Just lose my number already. I’ve lost yours.
Leaving for lunch break.
It’s cold in Williamsburg, VA.
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
11:27 am
I agree with exiled closure is overrate. Usually woman think because the man wants the puddy he will want to wifey her,, not the man only wants the puddy. Logical thinking women know that it takes more than good puddy to hook a man.
If a woman becomes ghost I will text thank you very much…Next!!
Closure in my past has meant hitting a few more times then I am ghost…Make-up Sex is very good! Yes it is!
@Disco how was your weekend?
Button
February 4th, 2013
11:37 am
Closure is not overrated imo. Just like anything else you should have closure from it. if you were to lose your job you get a reson why and if you don’t give you a reason you will WANT it right? so why be so nonchalant when it comes to your feelings as to why the other person has left you in the wind?
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
11:39 am
@BUTTON..so a guy must provide reasons why he chose that chic over u and why?
Really…..?
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
11:41 am
I could never understand the need for an exit conversation. To use a super bowl analogy, if I no longer attend practice and never come to the stadium, like Ray Lewis “that was my last ride”. If you have called and text me 10 times with no response, you have just experienced closure.
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
11:42 am
borne out a sense of right and wrong, fairness in dealing with others
@MsAtl…there lies the problem coz my decisons to chose her over her are always selfish..about me…i can choose who i want…to have to justify that to another..is painful..unwarranted really….when u date,u break off..its common even in marriage….so why…for dating this shldnt even be an issue coz i dont owe chic noithing..we aint married for anybody to give a reason…
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
11:44 am
@Button you want a reason from your job just in case some type of discrimination may have occurred. You need to know why you were fired because of the possible financial ramifications to that person.
Now consideration a relationship maybe short term, you really need to keep it moving…Just know this the puddy was not good enough to make him stay. If he comes back with the new girl does tricks in bed that you would not do. Do you want to hear that? Chalk it up as he was just not for you.
Robert
February 4th, 2013
11:50 am
@Celisea – “Cause a dude can be calling (most likely won’t answer), texting/messaging me and I’ll respond….all nice and friendly.”
That’s why I do not call or text. I will show-up at your house. Just in case…
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
11:54 am
Closure = I’ll clos ure door on my way out!! (LOL)
Robert
February 4th, 2013
11:54 am
@kimmie – “I would never give any dude the satisfaction though, of running him down to find out “why?”
I would gladly run down a good woman and ask her “why”? Sometimes a man has to do what a man does – Beg her to stay. I hate to lose a good woman with skills.
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
11:54 am
I also believe that if you value the chick and respect the friendship, she deserves an honorable discharge. Most guys dread those conversations because they rarely go as planned. From my experience, if you say to a female “I decided to move in another direction, so we will no longer be able to kick it like we used to.” She’s not going to say “thanks for calling. I appreciate your honesty.” She will have some other choice words for you.
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
11:56 am
if you were to lose your job you get a reason why and if you don’t give you a reason you will WANT it right? Umm no! you pretty much know why, it just didn’t slip up on you!
Robert
February 4th, 2013
11:57 am
@disco – “first time shame on you, second time shame on me”.
I promise you no shame. Just sex. No strings attached.
disco
February 4th, 2013
11:57 am
raven – my weekend? regular stuff, shopping, gym, movies etc.
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
12:01 pm
Ex – I think that depends on the circumstances. If we have been “kickin” it for a few months and you decide to be with some other chick, then maybe you have a point. However, I think that in a marriage, particularly a 26 year marriage with children, more is expected, deserved, and owed. That is where DuShawn’s comment comes into play. Not to mention, you still have to communicate because of the children. It was jsut bad business, that’s all. If this was a made for tv movie and if I was not the person I am, things could have gone down a whole lot differently (cue Channel 2 News, lol).
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
12:01 pm
Robert – Say it aint’ so….you don’t just “show up” do you?
The only time I’ve given a pass to a dude showing up, is when he’s been “my man.” We may be having an “off” period and he wants to work things out. Even with that, he better be talking fast. Now, just some any ole random dude? Please, don’t show up, you might end up getting locked up. IJS
That’s the same rule for me with quickies and stuff….only a solid boo gets that kind of treatment.
disco
February 4th, 2013
12:01 pm
dushawn – lol. funny I used those exact same words once when I met a guy, gave him my number and in the first phone call he came clean about having recently been paroled after serving time for bank robbery. all I had in me was “thanks for calling. I appreciate your honesty but…”
sup s/h?
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
12:02 pm
Robert – You said you will show up “just in case”….
Just in case what? Another dude is there? Or you want to talk live and in person? Or just you case you can hit it again, if that’s been the nature of the relationship??
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
12:03 pm
MsAtl..ohhh yea, in marriage thats different..we have to have serious discussions..but i thought we talking dating Closure here,not marriage closure.
Single and Happy
February 4th, 2013
12:03 pm
Hey Disco
Robert
February 4th, 2013
12:05 pm
Why does a Man go “ghost” – Top 3 Reasons
1. Blind date – You need a blindfold to date her. Real ugly.
2. Personal Appearance – She is a “fake” (hair, teeth, butt, etc.).
3. Communication – You can smell her before you hear her. Bad breath.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
12:05 pm
Just know this the puddy was not good enough to make him stay.
Contrary to what folks believe, even platinum coochie won’t make a dude stay. A dude stays because he wants to stay. I’m surporised to hear a dude say that. Most dudes know, they stay because they want to stay. Not because of a strong hold. You might keep coming back if it’s good, for a taste, but you do what you do because you want to do it.
MsAtl
February 4th, 2013
12:07 pm
In dating closure, I am not going to run after any man to find out why? I will just keep it moving and see it as a sign that someone just saved me from grief, drama, and B.S.
Robert- Like Celisea said, you may want to rething your habit of just showing up…
halo46
February 4th, 2013
12:15 pm
It is hard for a woman to understand why. Especially when shebelieves she is attractive, the sex is good, and she has more money than him. My theory is that we get attached too soon and we want all of his time (what he deems as crazy…ijs. lol) . I think there is a song about that. lol But I don’t need for you to explain to me why you don’t call more often, I just need to do what I gotta do to move on.
Button
February 4th, 2013
1:17 pm
Exile, yes I would like to have reasons why he left. Whats so wrong with wanting to know? You may not want to care to know but I sure will. If we’re dating and spending quantity time together then he/she up and leave why not say the reason behind it? Who wants to play the quessing game?
DuShawn
February 4th, 2013
1:21 pm
The bad part is, when guys “get ghost” it’s premeditated. We know before we hit it for the last time, that this will be the last time. Shockingly, I agree with Celisea “you do what you do because you want to do it.” Unlike Robert’s Top 3, there is really only one simple reason “I’ve tired of your company and no longer dig you.” Why force me to tell you that with a “closure” conversation.
Robert
February 4th, 2013
1:22 pm
@Celisea – “Just in Case”
I am not a phone/text kind of guy. I am old school. I just show-up “just in case” you need someone to talk too, a shoulder to lean on, a hug & kiss or some good sex with no strings attached. That’s what friends are for.
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
2:04 pm
I get the impression that HALO46 might be a little crazy. lol
halo46
February 4th, 2013
2:08 pm
@Ravens Rise-up…whatever….
disco
February 4th, 2013
2:16 pm
robert “just in case” – I for one am one of those people that does not play the uninvited/unexpected guest. I don’t go to anyone’s house without calling first and I don’t appreciate anyone showing up at my house without calling first. I’ve been known to ignore the doorbell simply because I wasn’t expecting anyone. that’s irksome as heck. I dated a guy that got fly a time or two and showed up unannounced talking about he was in the area. not a good look. what it is a good way to get cussed out if you catch me on the wrong day.
disco
February 4th, 2013
2:20 pm
raven – since it’s quiet, ain’t nobody here, guess I’ll instigate a little bit. just what kind of crazy are you calling halo? is she “girl, you so crazy – crazy” or is she disability check crazy.
Exiled!
February 4th, 2013
2:22 pm
@Button..u maybe of low self esteem really to have to want to be embarrassed that way.
It’s demeaning to hear.
Even in professional settings(job),it’s not cool to be told about urself…why u ain’t getting this or that.
It’s better for adult folks to figure some of this themselves.
When my wife says ’she loves me’ it don’t get over my head coz I know she can flip and love another man if the circumstances are right.
Folks act in favor of their self interests and those interests do change.
I know a dude that’s married to a really fat woman and I can tell it aint love.
It’s too bad the fat woman might just be as delusional.
She makes good $$$$$$
Dude don’t work!
Ravens Rise-Up
February 4th, 2013
2:32 pm
@Disco. I am with you please do not show up at my house with out calling me. Hey that goes for my parners as well. Now I do have some crazy relatives who just do not seem to get the message.
Disco I would say Halo46 is a cover name for I will break you fool if you don’t give me closure. That is “girl you so crazy”.
Disco do you think HALO46 or Button would round up the girls and say it time to go hunting. I have not heard from Robert or single in happy in 4hours.
Button
February 4th, 2013
2:32 pm
I doubt I have low self esteem buddy @ Exile. Just because I don’t agree with you then that makes me have low self esteem? WOW factor! to be involved with someone for a significate of time and for them to walk away with no reason or explaination is very cruel and to want to know why is not having low self esteem, it’s call being human and wanting answers.
halo46
February 4th, 2013
2:34 pm
yeah disco and ravens, maybe just been through some things like i suspect we all have. i was trying to keep it real. i am sure not everyone on this blog is not as confident and successful on this site as you pretend to me. but that’s just me. i have a job making 6 figures so i’m good. dang…you guys even give wise diva a hard time and she is just trying to open up conversation.
disco
February 4th, 2013
2:36 pm
raven – I don’t know what they would do but I know my friends and I have “gone fishing” plenty of times. guess it’s the same principle though with fishing you hook them and reel them in and with hunting you stalk them and put a bullet in them. hmmm. maybe I’ve got it all wrong. maybe I should’ve been hunting instead of fishing.
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:00 pm
Robert – I am not a phone/text kind of guy. I am old school. I just show-up “just in case” you need someone to talk too, a shoulder to lean on, a hug & kiss or some good sex with no strings attached. That’s what friends are for.
You almost had me….lol I was oooing and awwwwing until the no strings attached sex. You lost me altogether. I was about to call you a great guy….lol
Dushawn – Shockingly, I agree with Celisea
Cut it out! You know I’m right all the time and you agree with me most of the time. You just haven’t realized it yet.
To disco and the bird, y’all stop being mean. Body counts on this mug is already at an all time low…
Gerald
February 4th, 2013
3:03 pm
Now that the silly football game is over, yes I’d say it is high time the sports nuts sink back into reality. I will never understand why people get violent and bent out of shape over a stupid game.
disco
February 4th, 2013
3:04 pm
C – being mean? me? never that. lol. okay fine. I’m mean sometimes but I wasn’t being mean today. I was just asking if he meant good crazy or bad crazy. no harm in that is there?
For Real
February 4th, 2013
3:20 pm
Chick: I need closure Aldag.
Aldag: I don’t want to be with you anymore Shafontaye.
Shafontaye: Stop playing Aldag, this is serious. We have been together since 2 yesterday nights and I want to know after giving you all my love why you don’t want to be with me?
Aldag: I’m not playing, I don’t want to be with you anymore. Now give me the key to these handcuffs so we can go.
abc
February 4th, 2013
3:21 pm
“People feel entitled to get what they want and get angry when they don’t get it. ” == psycho beeyotch, no? Narcissistic Rage much?
Exiled
February 4th, 2013
3:21 pm
So Button..what does being given a reason,if at all, do for u…most times a dude aint gon tell u the truth…most times folks,according to them,leave one girl for another coz it is an upgrade…..for them..it works for them….in their mind thats the consideration….
what is me(ur ex) saying “i dumped u coz i want some better for me”..going to do for u??
what wld be ur retort….how wld that help you..in any case,no dude does this..im just trying to find “logic” where there isnt any…
For Real
February 4th, 2013
3:28 pm
It is hard for a woman to understand why. Especially when shebelieves she is attractive, the sex is good, and she has more money than him. – Wow!!! She put that on everything she loves.
Chick: Look Robert you are really cool guy but I just don’t think we should see each other anymore.
Robert: Hey how about I come and we can talk about it?
Chick: No Robert I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Robert: I am not a phone/text kind of guy. I am old school. I just show-up
Chick: Goodbye Robert. (click)
Chick going to restroom and lift up the toilet seat.
Robert: We go cut off but like I was saying…
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:32 pm
While I’m all about and get and understand not telling me any ole thing (cause we know dirty folks do that), what is the harm in someone wanting their EX SO to be decent when walking away? What harm is in that? Like I said this morning, if things were to end, where my boo initiated, I would want to know. Am I gonna be hanging and acting a fool and hunting you done….UMMMMMMMMM NOT!!!! But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know. IMO, dating and interacting and becoming intimate at the least deserves a discussion. That’s not the same as a couple of dates and buddy (or a woman) dropping off. Even then I would want to know, but I would dig that it just aint’that deep. And again, my mantra that’s you don’t go letting folks all in and into your being, your body and your spirit. Half won’t deserve it anyway…IJS
If that’s narcissism that so be it
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:33 pm
my mantra is that….is what I meant
Celisea
February 4th, 2013
3:34 pm
Narcissistic Rage much
I shole didn’t see this coming, not as a result of any of the comments today. But hey, some days I’m just slow I guess……lololololololol