accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Dial back the crazy

I have been blogging about dating and relationships for a long time – yet somehow I am still amazed at the amount of crazy misadventures that happen in Atlanta. Many of these dating misadventures play out on radio – specifically Q100’s The Bert Show. Their entire bit about “closure calls” alone is enough to send you back to your sofa on Saturday nights.

People call into the show to ask for help in tracking down the guy or girl who pulled that oh so lovely disappearing act (my personal favorite!) without “closure”. The thing about closure though, it should not even matter so much. Why do you need to know the reason they bailed? The fact that they are gone is not enough?! But, I digress.

One recent closure called involved a woman who could not figure out why the guy she was seeing never called her back. Sure, he was engaged to be married while she foolishly believed he truly wanted to be with her.

She actually wanted to know why he did not come back for her after he broke off his engagement. You’re probably already guessing how his closure call went down: He was never interested in a relationship with her. It was just sex to him. The end.

I wish I could say this doesn’t happen often but sadly it does. Women confuse love and sex. Men take full advantage of no strings attached sex – except there are strings, lots and lots of strings. People feel entitled to get what they want and get angry when they don’t get it.

When it comes to dating, it’s time to dial back the crazy admit that sometimes you have to charge it to the game. If things are not going the way you want them to and you decide to stick around, you can’t play victim.

Why do you think so many people confuse love and lust? Have you ever felt the need to get an explanation as to why someone bailed on you?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

129 comments Add your comment

Lee

February 4th, 2013
6:50 am

Well I have left the scene before without so much as good bye. This is how i break it down, if you are lying what am I going to say, lier will only lie some more , and it becomes an endless cycle … I know i have tried this before… beating a brick wall with your fists only hurts more.. better to move on.. and some are just NUTS and need mental help — you can never talk to crazy.
So if you have been left without so much as a word of good bye, and you know you lied –take it as that person also knows and doesn’t want to deal with the likes of you.. If you know that the man/lady is cheating and they stop calling , it doesn’t take an act of God to know why they stopped. Time for some people to be truthful with themselves…If you thought you were in a wonderful relationship and that person just left, consider that he/she was not honest and left before you found out, consider yourself lucky they left on their own.
And there has never been a Happy Monday, unless it was a holiday and we had the day off. Lol

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2013
7:44 am

Hey all,

If you want closure, move on with your life! Most that won’t it never get it because unless it’s what you want to hear, you’re not going to believe it anyway.

Lee, Everyday is a Happy day!!

Exiled!

February 4th, 2013
7:58 am

If you ain’t fudging him anymore that is Closure in itself!

You ain’t,Anymore.

Sex is such a halucinogen(sp) so much so that we are Always going to have this problem.

Unless if the sex is horrible! ( :lol: )…yeah,maybe then she can forget U!

SlimNu - Out from under a rock

February 4th, 2013
8:46 am

Morning gang! Long time no see…had a busy week last week with the boss here from out of town. Regarding the topic, depending on the circumstances I’d want to know what the deal was…especially if me and this person spent a significant amount of time together. Now if it was just a fling or something, with no emotional ties, then there would be no need. Time expired right?

Did I miss anything good last week?

DuShawn

February 4th, 2013
9:15 am

I’m still burping up Tequila. I struggled to get in the office this morning and I’m practically the only one here. Seems like everyone else decided to work from home. Dayum I feel horrible.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
9:17 am

I honestly can’t say I’ve had someone get ghost on me. As I’ve said many times on here, I’ve only been in 3 REAL real, REALLY longterm relationships. Working on #4 (and the last :) ). Now if we’re talking busters and jokers over the years that didn’t want to pursue cause I wasn’t Willy Lump Lump, where it may have been “one hit wonders (one hit as in being just one date), I’ve experienced a number of those. Those though, were mostly, no getting felt up or groped on all night. lolololol That wasn’t happening. So yeah, I’ve been a prude (to some, and those that didn’t really want anything), all ma liiiife….lolololol

I remember being at Dugan’s on Ponce some years back with my girls and this nice looking brother came to the table and after a few minutes of talking, asked for my number. We chatted a bit in the parking lot before leaving and he told me a bit about himself. He was an auditor for the State of Georgia, nice looking, nice ride, and really “appeared to be a good catch.” So y’all can imagine I was a bit excited. He didn’t appear to be (on the surface), your run of the mill dude like so many others in there looking for easy. Anyhoo, I gave him my number. That was Friday. He called Sunday and wanted to come over. Ummmm, I didn’t hesitate to tell him, I wasn’t comfortable as I didn’t know him. Needless to say that put a bitter taste in his mouth. He opted to pass on meeting somewhere. Yeah, he took a hardline. And I took an even harder one…lol I was honestly okay with buddy not being okay with that. And while I was a bit disappointed, it was no sweat off my back to forget that one. Actually I’d forgetten about that until now.

But yeah, nope no fade out, disappearing acts…..lol Really, I would want to know if a dude went ghost, but you can believe if he didn’t tell me why, I wouldn’t be hunting his behind down tryna understand. Disappearing in and of itself is IMO, the highest form of insult. I wouldn’t give a dude that….chasing him down to know why….nuh uh

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
9:22 am

Oh, and I NEVER confuse love with lust. I don’t. I’ve already said, I don’t have the ability to separate myself from love and emotions, when becoming physical, so for me, I don’t play with that kind of stuff. I can be crazy….lolololol I KID I KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SlimNu - Out from under a rock

February 4th, 2013
9:26 am

DuS – Usually there are 5 ladies in my department but there are only 3 of us today. Even my boss said he should’ve stayed home lol

disco

February 4th, 2013
9:27 am

good morning. guess I’m on the fence about closure. I definitely can’t stand to hear anyone whining about it. still, I’m a vocal type and if I don’t like you or don’t want to be with you anymore I’m most definitely going to tell you why. heck, folks have told me to tone down my closure. lol. on the flip side, I’ve had a guy or two or three simply drop off the face of the earth. frankly it’s a little bit more than annoying. it’s enough to make you want to bust them in the head with a brick. how hard is it to say “i found a better shot of azz across town” or whatever your reason is. lol.

kimmie

February 4th, 2013
9:28 am

Morning Gang!

Luckily I had the good sense to take today off, blogging from home. It was a mini-UGA reunion up in my camp yesterday for the Super Bowl. We had a blast, my girls made an entire punchbowl of pom magheritas that were banging and folks tore it up! Hubs made this serious chilli where he smoked the ground beef on the grill. It was quickly gone! My poor little children stayed up a bit longer than they normally would on a school night so they were moving slow this morning, but I was gentle with them.LOL!!

On topic – I’ve had a few to disappear, but no sweat off my back. Actually it’s easier that way, no need wasting each others time if you’re not into it, no awkward conversations or lame excuses. Never had anyone of any significance go ghost, just the phone calls & dates would taper off. We both “got the message”. By the time one of us would officially end things, it was pretty much understood.

I would never give any dude the satisfaction though, of running him down to find out “why?”

kimmie

February 4th, 2013
9:33 am

There were 2 guys in particular I had to, for my safety, eeeaaaase away from! They would not have handled the truth, that I found another guy, very well at all. Even though things were clearly not working for us, I knew they had a dark side that would not have dealt with it well. So there are times when you need to just chill with the frank closure stuff and tip away carefully.

disco

February 4th, 2013
9:36 am

hey kimmie – when I started to read your post (there were two guys I had to ease away from) I initially thought you were talking about something that jumped off at y’all’s superbowl party. lol. I was about to be like “What? for real??”

Exiled

February 4th, 2013
9:38 am

As far as I can remember, I never gave anybody bench papers “face2face”…not happening especially if she almost sprained her toes while curling them……

All my exs have had to go on the bench or moved on coz the seperation was Implied….after I ghosted.

A brother gotta self protect…..

kimmie

February 4th, 2013
9:39 am

Hey Disco!! Girl naw, we drank alot yesterday but things didn’t get THAT BUCK!!LOL!!

I told my hubs about your dream about his teeth. He was like, so are you on that blog talking about my teeth? LOL!! I said no we have more interesting things to discuss on the blog, thank you!!

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
9:43 am

All my exs have had to go on the bench or moved on coz the seperation was Implied….after I ghosted

Yeah, that right there is the reason a woman better self protect and guard the heart. If most dudes would be honest, they don’t really want nothing (other than getting the drawers), no way!

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
9:44 am

In spite of negative behavior, there are STILL good brothers that exists :mrgreen:

disco

February 4th, 2013
9:54 am

I ain’t trying to start nothing but boy I wish I had a plate of food. some bacon, eggs, grits, home fries etc etc etc would be on point right about now.

Button

February 4th, 2013
9:58 am

Enter your comments here

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:02 am

I’ve not gone “ghost” per se on anyone to my recollection (don’t quote me on that….lol), but I’ve become instantly turned off by the flow of conversation or where they want things to go, or just by them. I don’t “taper” off. I just stop talking….lololol Honestly, when I’ve been turned off by something, I make up in my mind right then, I’m not doing. I don’t or haven’t had the closure conversation. Dude will continue to call or text and I’ll keep it brief and friendly. After a while, he just knows. Don’t judge me. At least I didn’t get the drawers and run…..lolololol

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:04 am

And I guess in a sense, you can say that’s “dude” behavior. Cause a dude can be calling (most likely won’t answer), texting/messaging me and I’ll respond….all nice and friendly. At that point though, like I said it’s gonna be brief but then I become intentional in my words and what I “don’t” say….

Button

February 4th, 2013
10:04 am

Good monday morning! I want closure! why oh why not tell me why you don’t want me? why just up and leave and walk out of my life like a ghost walking thru my soul!

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:10 am

And when I say “I just stop talking”, but remain brief but friendly if they reach out to me, I mean I don’t initiate, call, ask, pursue, wonder…none of that. I’m done. I’m just waiting on you to get it.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:13 am

Off topic: I’ve been doing really well hitting the gym. I’m going one last time tonight…this week. I have plans tomorrow night, I’m out of here to travel on business Wednesday and I won’t be back until about 9:00 Friday night. Well, I take that back, most hotels I stay in have a gym. If I get in and it’s not too late, I’m hitting the gym. Don’t want to break my streak. I have reservation for the Alofts, but y’all know me, I’m on the waiting list at the Ritz….lol I about to check our corp travels and see if any updates. I KNOW they have a gym. Don’t know about the Alofts. Guess I can check online and see.

disco

February 4th, 2013
10:16 am

celisea – while I get your perspective (and I think a few others mentioned the same tactic) why not just hit old boy with a straight up direct “ninja I ain’t feeling you, please stop calling me”. is it because you are too nice for that or because you feel they might handle it better if let down easy or whatever reason. certainly not picking on you but just asking because you are here. me, myself, personally (I love that tacky little line) I would take the leave me alone route.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:24 am

disco – Hmmm, good question. Most times, I don’t want the confrontations or being pinned down to ask “why?” Because if I’m asked why, it’s going to be honestly….and probably to them, brutal honesty. So, I’d rather not “have the talk.” Too, I’ve gotten older and I don’t want to have the talk. I don’t. I don’t want to have to explain.

Ut oh, I’m sounding like a dude, huh? In all fairness (to men), that’s probably how they feel as well. I’m just though, not going to play games and get something out of it (for nothing) and run…like most dudes do. I don’t want dates or a dude to pay for stuff once I’m not feeling it. I’m not gonna do THAT kind of stuff. That’s why I sort of “jokie joked” earlier and said, “at least I don’t get the drawers and run.” Once you know it’s not for you, I don’t believe in using people.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:27 am

I repeated myself….my bad…my phone rang and I stopped typing…then started back.

Exiled

February 4th, 2013
10:36 am

For us dudes, part of the reason we dont do Closure calls is coz you chics “record”…its verbatim and there..but as dudes, some of us want the pleasure of hitting it again at some point if we so desire…

so saying,”Disco, i aint feeling u like that!” is hurtful but closes out any possibillity that you may meet down the road,in some future,have coffee and cajole her to come to the crib to “watch a movie” :lol: ….it aint gon happpen coz you put it in black and white….

And women tend to be resentful if u say that..shes thinking Kartma etc…..

So ghost is a hedging strategy as well… coz u can always explain urself outta wehy u went ghost..”oh, my mum was so sick and I was soo depressed, i didnt wanna talk to anybody….

shes gon respond..”but ohh, i had ur best interests at heart, why wld u do that?”"”"….see, oif u want some,thats the time to say…”im sorry babey”..while feeling her…eating pop corn and watching the movie

More bootey! :lol:

disco

February 4th, 2013
10:41 am

ex – you are leaving the door open for more stupid booty because I’m from the school of “first time shame on you, second time shame on me”. you will not play me and then re-appear later on some okey doke bs and think you are going to get some.

halo46

February 4th, 2013
10:41 am

I do the same as Celisea. I hate confrontation and explaining. They sound so desperate when they need an explanation. I just had this experience last week. Some dude gave me his phone number. He had all the credentials (said he had a successful career, single, intelligent speaking) but I wasn’t attracted to him. However, relationship experts say date out of the norm. I thought I would take his number and consider it over. Anyway so as I am putting his number in my cell phone, he asks me to call him so he would have my number. I knew this was a mistake, but whatever. I didn’t want to explain to him why I wouldn’t call him right then. He calls me in a couple hours, then texts and then calls again. By that time, I realized that I could never kiss this guy. So I didn’t respond to any texts or calls. He finally texted me that if i am not interested then be a lady and say so. That pissed me off because I am a lady, and do not need him to confirm that. But I texted him that I am involved and not interested. Of course, he bacame nasty and texted something about I should stop playing with people. Dude, I don’t even know you. smh I didn’t respond to that either. Perhaps if he would gotten to the first date, then maybe I would have been like Celisea and responded to texts or calls every so often until he got the message. But dude come on, he wasn’t even invested. I just wasn’t interested.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:44 am

you will not play me and then re-appear later on some okey doke bs and think you are going to get some.

Cosign. And while Mmeello’s story/example sounded really fairytale-ish, cause I laughed when I read it….I did….for real…some chick will fall that EVERY SINGLE TIME.

disco

February 4th, 2013
10:49 am

halo – there are so many things wrong with your scenario. dude should have just asked for your number in the first place instead of giving you his and then bamboozling you into calling his phone but you fell for it so I ain’t mad at him. if you weren’t interested why go through the motion of taking his number to begin with? and then when he called you out, why say you are involved? you obviously didn’t say you were involved when you took his number. so in the span of a few hours you got a man. lol. girl. you funny.

I think I mentioned last week the clown in the grocery store asking what I was cooking. Saturday I’m in a bookstore just browsing and some big chunky boy ends up following me around the bookstore. first couple of sections I’ll give coincidence. next few sections, dude you are following me. get some business. I swear some men need to carry cheat sheets on what to say to chicks.

Exiled

February 4th, 2013
10:52 am

you will not play me and then re-appear later on some okey doke bs and think you are going to get some.

@Disco…i think thats the and experienced grown Disco talking.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:52 am

Hey Halo, here’s a crazy one for you…….

A couple of years ago, I was at Chickfila, getting breakfast before hitting the gym. There were a gang of firemen in there. Sooooo, I’m waiting and getting cream and stuff for my coffee, he’s standing next to me doing the same. He strikes up a convo and we begin to chat. I give him my number….mind you this is a Saturday. So, Saturday afternoon, I’m heading to the hospital to see my mom. My phone rings and it’s him. I answer, he asks what I’m doing and I told him I’d have to call him back because I was heading to the hospital to see my mom. He says okay, cool. HE CALLS ME BACK SATURDAY EVENING!! Same day now, that we’d met….same day :shock: So, I answer again. He asks. I tell him, I’m at Belk’s picking up a few things, ummm, buddy then sounded slightly irritated. :shock: So, I tell him I’ll call him back. HE CALLS ME AGAIN SATURDAY NIGHT. I didn’t answer. He starts calling again around midnight…noooooo kidding!!! I didn’t answer…so he’s texting me asking “you up?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! I didn’t respond at all. As soon as the freaking sun was up, I called him and blasted him to Timbuktu…and told him to lose my number. Why did buddy wait a week and text me again??? :shock: I blocked him and his texts at that point.

A fireman now. Buddy as fine as heck but not THAT fine. I don’t do crazy. It only makes me (act) crazy….lololol

Exiled

February 4th, 2013
10:52 am

experienced and grown Disco

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
10:54 am

And that’s a TRUE story!!!

halo46

February 4th, 2013
10:56 am

I know it was lame. But I was trying to spare his feelings without just saying I am not attracted and I am not interested. If I would have just said I am not interested, believe me he would have asked why not? Besides I could have been involved and just wanted to trade up. Anyway, I thought I would take his number and perhaps never called. But he put me on the spot, and I was in a hurry because my (long distance relationship) friend was texting me. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

MsAtl

February 4th, 2013
10:56 am

Morning All!

I prefer honesty, but that’s just me. Also, if you ghost, don’t think you can come back later saying your mom was sick or whatever and get back in because with so many ways of communication, there is no excuse for pulling a disappearing act with no communication whatsoever even if someone is sick. That said, closure is overrated. I tried that whole closure thing when I left my ex, wanting to know why he did certain things and how long he was going to hide his mistress’s pregnancy, etc. After a short time, I just kept it moving because the lies were becoming too much and I saw no way of forgiving him any time soon. I created my own closure by moving on, forgiving myself and making my peace with what happened.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:00 am

I will say, I don’t NOT talk to dudes, once I feel it’s a no go for me, I will talk but I won’t allow it to venture anywhere. That’s when I pick and choose my words. Too, I’m no longer available. Can’t make it or busy. At least I’m not being rude or just plain hiding. I will be responsive. I’ll go one further and be friendly as long as he’s not pushy and pushing the matter. That will make me shut down.

halo46

February 4th, 2013
11:01 am

@Celisea. I was going to say…a fireman! They are normally, like you said, fine as heck! I don’t know I may have had to hang in there for a little while. Sorry to say, but fineness is my weakness. I can take a lot of lies from a fine man, before I finally give up. lol It’s hard to tie them down. Just had to let go of one recently. He had a new story every other week. lol

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:04 am

halo – LOLOLOLOL….I was just so blown away by him calling alllll day, and then texting asking “you up?” For real dude? I dunno, I could have dealt with his early clingyness, but he didn’t text just once. No lie, the texts didn’t stop until about 3 a.m….no lie!! I was livid by that time. I would have been fine with the three calls and then the oppotunity to call him back in a day or so. Honestly, I got the feeling cause he was fine that he was able to move in quick on women. I didn’t want to deal with a “ho”….that’s the feeling I got.

halo46

February 4th, 2013
11:04 am

I created my own closure by moving on, forgiving myself and making my peace with what happened.

@Ms. Atl. +100

disco

February 4th, 2013
11:04 am

ex – even as a youngster I didn’t get down like that. that saying “first time shame on me, second time shame on you” is fitting for many, many situations. my parents, grandparents made it clear that someone could play you, take advantage of you, what have you the first time only. after the first time it’s on you for not learning your lesson. aside from that I’m just too stubborn to allow a dude to think he’s got it like that. naw player, you ain’t nobody. lol.

halo – so what if he asks why you aren’t interested. you just met him. you don’t owe him anything. I guess maybe I am too mean. I’ll go straight scrub on somebody. “no, I don’t want your number. no, I don’t wanna give you mine”. lol.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:05 am

Yep, a fireman. Chickfila in Smyrna…right that by 285…lololol I would say there was about 4 or 5 of them.

Exiled

February 4th, 2013
11:06 am

That said, closure is overrated…..Closure is a selfish desire by some because they just feel things shld have gon their way…..and if u get “CLOSURE”..all u really get are lies……”its not u but its me” kinda stuff…..seriously, who in all seriousness is gon be truthful why she prefers that other hot chic compared to to her(ex)…..coz she aint getting the closure lying down anywway..shes going to verbalize disagreement….”so u benching me for that chic that did blah blah blah” ..its all about her…

and now if u are not careful as dude…she starts ranting and raving….the violence and temper..

miss me with that…

whats the point?

we all grwon..u gotta figure things for urself…

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:07 am

halo – I can take a lot of lies from a fine man, before I finally give up That’s funny cause dudes are the ones that will tolerate much BS if a chick is fine before he finally wears tired. That was funny….lolololol

halo46

February 4th, 2013
11:11 am

@Celisea. Yeah that’s crazy.

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:16 am

halo – Honestly, I think that was about getting some, cause everything I said was apparently lost in translation. When I called him back to blast him, I AM SOOO NOT KIDDING, after all that, he asked to come by on his way home from the firestation. I think dude was married. Don’t ask me how or why, just the feeling I had.

Girrrrrl, I say ruuuuuuuuuun. And for the record, dontcha just hate when they ask for your number and then dial it, for you to add to your contacts???

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:17 am

I have not done any work today…shame on me. Actually, I’m sitting on a conference call. After the call, I’m getting on the blog and getting to work :)

Celisea

February 4th, 2013
11:17 am

“off”…getting off the blog, and getting to work, is what I meant

Button

February 4th, 2013
11:18 am

The guys that disappear but send texts at christmas, thanksgiving, easter. Why even keep the number?