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Archive for February, 2013

Dating just for fun?

I find it fascinating how the same people who claim not to want a serious relationship turn out to be the first person to catch feelings. It’s sort of like “protesting too much” because they are quick to say it’s all good with no strings. The reality is that they are actually wearing their heart on their sleeves, hoping things get serious!

Men crack me up claiming they are not that type of dude or proclaim “they won’t trip over some broad” because they like things casual. These are the ones that start stalking you at Kroger when you don’t return his phone calls!

How does dating for fun work, then? When people are truly only interested in companionship and/or sex with no commitment, how does it get so complicated?

If you follow the dating for fun approach to dating, do you find that people are apprehensive about seeing you again?

Is it necessary to actually say you are just dating for fun or will your actions kind of show it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating …

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Romantic comedies made us cynical?

My friend Paul said that romantic comedies, romance novels, and sexy vampires are making women become cynics. If regular men don’t chase us all over town or doing some grand romantic gesture, some women actually feel disappointed.

I argued that no smart woman is walking around trying to be Nina Moseley to someone’s Darius Lovehall. There is no Katherine Heigel type women storing 27 bridesmaids dresses in her closet. We get that Hollywood love and real life love are vastly different things!

Granted, the right man, brave enough to open his heart and declare his love would probably be well-received. Do we really get disappointed if men don’t act out a love story from a movie? I just don’t think so.

If anything makes us cynical, it’s the emotional roller coaster we get stuck on trying to navigate a dating relationship. Maybe those romantic comedies serve as an escape from all of that. What do you think?

Guys, do you feel pressure to do all the crazy in love things men do …

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Dating: Love thy neighbor?

If you are lucky enough to live in an area of Atlanta that is teeming with good looking people, you probably have thought about dating a neighbor. It’s so tempting, right? With soaring gas prices, who is more geographically desirable than the hot neighbor? Well, as with all things, this decision should be made carefully.

You have to determine the risks and benefits: Are they insane? Would they stalk me if things don’t work out? Are they capable of property damage? Will I wake up to find my poor pet being harmed? I’m making light of it, of course, but I know there are some single people that can give you cautionary tales about dating their neighbors.

My friend Carla said that she would date a co-worker before she dated anything resembling a neighbor again. After things got messy with a fine, fine man in her mother’s neighborhood, she has to drive a decoy car to visit her mother. The fine man wasn’t worth it.

What do you think? Is it a good idea to use your backyard as …

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Hook up or relationship potential?

I know the feeling people get when they meet someone new and things are so..well NEW NEW. You aren’t sure if they like you the same way you like them. You don’t really want to show all your “cards” (emotions) first because that idea terrifies you. You basically want to figure out as soon as you can: am I a hook up or potential relationship candidate.

Maybe on some level, it doesn’t matter. Time usually reveals all, right? Is there a way to get a hint of which way it will go, though? The way we date these days makes it harder to gauge true interest. We definitely have to develop some skills!

How can you really tell if you are hook up or considered for a relationship unless you ask outright? Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire?

Do men usually take a long time to figure out if they are interested in a relationship versus just a hook up?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Hook up or relationship potential? »

Dating: Are we too gullible?

There is a lot to be said for being cautiously optimistic. Actually, I think a healthy does of cynicism could prevent a lot of heartache for some of us. Those dating misadventures that have some sort of betrayal or deceit usually happen when people are way too trusting. I truly believe some of us are too gullible!

It’s the reason shows like Catfish exist. It’s why someone can have a husband/wife at home, while they date you. I get so fighting mad when people don’t think to ask the right questions. You don’t have to have an interrogation on a date, but if you feel something is off – why not just ask questions outright?

Why do you think so many people are gullible in dating? Are we so ready for a fairytale that we will buy any story that is sold to us?

How can you find a balance between being too gullible and becoming distrustful of everyone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Dating: He’s making her wait!

Just when I think I have heard it all before, I get a surprisingly candid email from a guy who has a dilemma about delaying sex. He asked his new girlfriend to commit to abstinence as he has. He explained his reasons (spiritual mostly) and expected her to be understanding. She was not understanding.

I was struck my his sincerity in trying to preserve the relationship because he has grown to care for her a lot. If she is unwilling to take the celibacy journey with him, does that mean she is not The One?

I believe that relationships are about compromise. I just don’t know if celibacy is something that can or should be compromised. I don’t think cooking is a deal breaker, but sex/abstinence is definitely an issue that can make or break people up.

The young man wants to know if he should give her a “pass” to get her needs met by someone else – and by pass, he means “don’t ask, don’t tell” me. Would that be a recipe for disaster or a viable option for you, personally?

Dating …

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How can cooking be a deal breaker?

One of our MIA blog readers wants to know why her lack of cooking skills got her dumped. No, really. This is the reason she was given! Apparently, cooking was important to a man she had been seeing. He is a strong believer in traditional gender roles and had a real problem that she was unwilling to provide him with home cooked meals when he asked.

I call shenanigans, though. I don’t really believe this was the deal breaker. I suspect there is something else going on here – but maybe I am off-base. It is 2013 and many of the men who are single today grew up in homes where their mothers worked outside the home. Is this going to change the outlook of the average “modern guy”, though?

If women will still be expected to have top-notch cooking skills, will men build and fix things? I’m asking because I once argued with my ex-boyfriend who loved to talk about my sporadic cooking efforts. When I asked if he could change my oil or install brake pads, he referred me to his …

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Dating: Should you wear them down?

I had brunch with my friend David yesterday and we were catching up with one another about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. David reports that he is in heavy pursuit of a really fantastic woman. I met her and she seems very nice. I did not get the sense that she was that crazy about him, though.

Although I supported him trying to start a relationship with her, I was bothered when he told me about a comment she made on Valentine’s Day. It was something about how he was wearing her down and really growing on her. Growing on her. Like a wart?

It didn’t bother him – so I didn’t dwell on it much. I just thought it was strange to describe a good potential romance in those particular terms. Maybe I am nitpicking but should someone have to wear you down? If someone who thinks you are awesome is pursuing you, at what point should you start to feel the same way about them?

I know not every romance is filled with passion, crazy chemistry and grand romantic gestures. …

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Best (worst) online dating profiles

A reader of our blog decided to give online dating a try. He is brand new to the whole process and wants to know what women notice as good, bad, or ugly. It’s been a hundred years since I’ve tried it, so I’m admittedly a tad rusty. Maybe you could give some tips to help the brave man?

I remember thinking that half the men on dating sites were likely married, living with a woman, or in federal prison. Sometimes these types get bored and starved for attention. Therefore, if there was no picture, I bypassed immediately. I don’t care how witty the profile was, either.

I think that trying to be too funny or verbose can come across kind of dull. You can’t be Seth McFarlane in a dating profile. Leave the comedy to the professionals, please. A sense of humor is great, though! Wait. I don’t think I’m helping much, here!

What are the best and worst online dating profiles you have seen?

What would make you take a closer look at one? Do women have to be virtually buttnaked …

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Can you date someone without lying?

A lot of people become cynical about love and relationships because they usually bring some type of conflict. The way you handle that conflict lets you know a lot about your long-term potential. A common issue is honesty. That seems to trip a lot of people up.

Why is it so difficult to be honest and have full disclosure when you are dating someone? If you ask a question, why is it difficult to get a real answer? My friend Sean says that you can’t date someone without lying. Whether it is lying by omission, half-truths, or little white lies- it is something we just contend with in dating and relationships to make it work. Do you agree?

I have a hard time believing that a good relationship can operate with lies. I definitely don’t want a dating relationship to start based on lies! Maybe I’m being unrealistic? How hard is it to hear the truth?

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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