Waiting game is same as rejection?
My friend Bill has been seeing someone “special” for a couple of weeks. When I caught up with him yesterday, he mentioned that he was already having second thoughts about her. I asked why and he said she turned him down when he made a move.
The same guy who was just whining about not finding someone he liked during the holidays, has decided that he is unsure of someone because she wants to wait for sex. Listen, I know men are always going to want sex. I get it. I just don’t get how men claim to want someone special yet are so quick to bail when she isn’t ready to hop in bed when he does.
What is that about? I am not just asking as a woman who is completely annoyed. I asking as a dating blogger who needs solid answers: What is wrong with waiting? Why is asking for more time viewed as some form of rejection?
If your standard operating procedure with relationships is to hook up first, ask questions later (no judgement!), why can’t you pursue people who think the same?
I know it’s not just guys who want to get things hot quickly. A lot of women like to know what a man is working with early on. Are women also bothered by men who prefer to wait?
Let’s discuss! Are you for or against waiting? How does dating ADD factor into your decision to waiting or not wait?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating
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254 comments Add your comment
DuShawn
January 31st, 2013
1:30 pm
@Sassy – “Some of y’all are on some real dumb sh.it…once again….”Every comment I make is generally speaking. From my experiences, and obviously others agree, I have found that as a woman matures the less likely she is to be concerned with certain societal stigmas (i.e. If I give it up too quickly, what will he think of me). Normally, when a female reaches that age, she is of the “Hey, my kids are raised, I have nothing to prove, love it or leave it alone, I’m doing me” mindset. Again, not all women reach that level of self confidence. The intention of my previous post was to commend those that do.
Robert
January 31st, 2013
1:36 pm
” Are women also bothered by men who prefer to wait? ”
This is a good question. Some women feel rejected if the man wants to wait a little while longer before they have sex. I can only speak for myself. Under what circumstances will I ask a woman to wait?
- Sex on the 1st date. Some women will drag you into the house.
- Sex in a car. My corvette does not have a back seat.
- Sex when little children are not asleep.
- Sex staying at Moma’s or another relative house.
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 31st, 2013
1:36 pm
Every comment I make is generally speaking.
I’ll keep that in mind…
The intention of my previous post was to commend those that do.
Okay..
daddy swiss
January 31st, 2013
1:36 pm
Howdy, Sassy.
Gotta run, have a good one peeps!
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
1:37 pm
Thanks, SassyMe! Amazing how men really think we are hard up, clueless, willing to fall on the first penis that points our way.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
1:39 pm
I wouldn’t be bothered. Even if he’s “faking the funk,” he’s still waiting….
Willie Dynamite
January 31st, 2013
1:44 pm
Different dynamic when a dude decides to wait or just flat out turns down a chick. Most women (most I said) are not programmed to even think of that possibility. I’m sure it’s not many chicks that can even speak on a dude turning down sex. Maybe a dance, drink, number, date or something like that but not sex.
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
1:48 pm
DuSh…some of these blog chics will give it to u during ur first week….as long as that deal is under wraps.
women don’t like their bizz in the streets..
I once got one popular chic laid in my car back in the day,then braved bout it to our mutual friends.
She flagged and subsequently benched me for that big mouth foul.
You keep on the low low, u win with lots of women.
….that’s the abc rule I have learnt.
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
1:50 pm
Some of y’all are on some real dumb sh.it…once again painting an effed up picture using broad strokes and generalisms…
Cosign annnnnd cosign
That’s all Imma say on this.
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
1:50 pm
bragged
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
1:53 pm
@WD
‘
It’s the same conditioning that has them worrying about what “he (she, they) will think of her.”
A confident woman, like a confident man, will ask the questions and get the answers; then believe and wait, or not.
Leggs said penis…..heheheehehehehe
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 31st, 2013
1:55 pm
Amazing how men really think we are hard up, clueless, willing to fall on the first penis that points our way.
Yep and these men forget that they have daughters who could very well be in a situation juuust like that…hard up and clueless..probably being groomed by some old geezer who wants some new trainable p.u$$y…
Maybe a dance, drink, number, date or something like that but not sex.
That happens I’m sure…maybe in small numbers but it happens still.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
2:02 pm
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
2:09 pm
All I know is there are some fickle dudes on here. One day they’re St. Peter and kudos to chicks not passing it out. On the flip side (or another day…just depends), Sam the Slut Man and agreeing with any chick kicking the door open all eagle spread and stuff. And the biggest is Nosey Nate, cause you ain’t dropping all your business, the assumption is aligned to their experience….lack of experience (with anything but what they’re use to. And then there’s Billy the Baiter, cause he ain’t reaaal sure, he tossing out an accustion so you can refute with a “nuh uh….I am screwing” or “nuh uh, I’m not screwing”….soooo I’ve resolved to say what I gotta and leave it at that. Make or not what you will of it.
And funny thing, you don’t see NONE of these dudes posting true to life stories. None of their business is posted on the blog, so why should ours?
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
2:10 pm
But they want to sit back with tongues lapping waiting for the women to dish. Please, I think not! lolololol
Willie Dynamite
January 31st, 2013
2:11 pm
Dan – kinda sorta. A chick that’s made up her mind will shut it down until THAT dude comes along. A dude that’s made up his mind will still hit a random ratchet chick just cause until THAT chick comes along. Heyal even after for some dudes.
Sassy- I think that’s a really really small number. Unfortunately dudes ain’t wired that way, especially if we even put in a lil effort.
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
2:13 pm
I don’t think men think women are clueless
Men value what they value and for good reason coz they normally strike first..never mind there may be a reject.
But uall must know,the longer u stay and ur name ain’t called ur value starts getting questioned,yr name getting whispered and doubting fingers getting pointed in ur direction.
That’s the reality of the dating market.
You can leverage puddy and put if on a holding platform only for so long.
If it ain’t snatched,either it’s a known stank,too pricey for its perceived wirth or it’s perceived a mystery fraud with a questionable track!
Men decide either way!
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
2:17 pm
Worth
disco
January 31st, 2013
2:21 pm
willie d – re that 1:15 I know plenty of the chicks in my circle are clueless. they not be clueless all the way around but in some areas I’m always shaking my head at them. that’s not to say I think I know everything. there are certainly areas in which I am clueless. still this sex game ain’t one of them. lol.
leggs – re that 1:17 to courtside. I’ll claim the cobwebs. lol. not my fault though. the real life men don’t hold a match to the blog gents. lol.
okay back to catching up.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
2:24 pm
Willie & Dan- You guys are BRINGING IT today!!
Great discussion in here, that’s what I like!!!
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
2:26 pm
the longer u stay and ur name ain’t called ur value starts getting questioned, – Had to laugh. What’s your spin on her name is being called, but she doesn’t want to answer.
It’s not always on the guy…women denounce the caller as well!!!
OSHH
January 31st, 2013
2:27 pm
No, waiting and actually wanting to get to know the individual is not the same as rejection.
Two weeks ain’t ish and most dudes categorize brawds way before smashing takes place, so even if the sex is exquisite, seldom do the women get out of the slot they been placed in initially, so all that talk about sex is used to gauge where the relationship goes is some str8 bs
disco
January 31st, 2013
2:30 pm
oops leggs had my time wrong.
sassy – I just told a chick the other day that she be checking for dirty Ds. she had the nerve to take offense but when I called out her track record she had to laugh at herself.
re all the dumb stuff going around. I’ll agree that a lot of it is straight foolish (courtside thinking we are all groupie chicks). still, I do understand where dushawn is coming from with his statement, general though it may be.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
2:36 pm
I went back and re-read the topic. I am under the impression the time Bill spent dating wait chick is really a “couple weeks”, NOT including the holidays. I read it to mean he was complaining about not being able to meet anyone special around the holidays. So sounds to me he met chick AFTER the holidays.
He needs to sit his whiing punk behind down and look in the mirror. He just better be sure HE is worth the wait when & if chick decides to give him some! LOL!!!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
2:38 pm
Okay, logic question:
To those that would argue that 2 weeks is not enough time to have sex (from a woman’s perspective), please state 5 reasons.
I can show you where your logic fails
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
2:39 pm
Cracking up over here.
disco
January 31st, 2013
2:39 pm
kimmie – now that’s opening up a whole new can of worms. waiting and waiting and waiting and then he got a little one or he can’t get it up or it won’t stay up or he busts too fast. lawd talk about mad. lol. if you like him you might go through the “it’s okay” rigamarole but you are already working on your exit strategy.
Gerald
January 31st, 2013
2:40 pm
“The same guy who was just whining about not finding someone he liked during the holidays, has decided that he is unsure of someone because she wants to wait for sex.”
Crybaby! Male or Female if your partner isn’t ready for sex, RESPECT their wishes or move the fudge on, and yes this applies to females. Just because you’re hawking for some tail doesn’t mean he or she should drop their pants for you. Sex is a want not a need, people.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
2:40 pm
1. Don’t think H.I.V stats get back that soon – that takes care of the other 4 (lol).
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
2:41 pm
Men get rejected All the time..we get this
disco
January 31st, 2013
2:43 pm
leggs – since you gave a reason I’ll give a basic “I just don’t want to”. I don’t have to explain why or what for.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
2:44 pm
@Disco
The smalles pebble can send a ripple in the ocean if it lands in the right spot
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
2:45 pm
OSSH..ofcourse,if a chic has been labelled already the sex ain’t gon bring her outa ho dom if it’s exquisite.
The exquisite sex will validate the label.
U too funny!
U want sex to save a h o…maan!
disco
January 31st, 2013
2:46 pm
dan – I’ve heard that and all kinds of other myths, urban legends, fairy tales, fables, etc. to each his own but I can’t get down like that.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
2:46 pm
Works for me, disco.
Dan, can you show her where her logic fails? (lol)
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
2:52 pm
disco – I think you should be the blog’s human mascot or I should say representative
You are back and forth being team pink, team blug…lololol Just like a swinging pendulum. Funny girl/chick you are 
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
2:53 pm
@Leggs
I’m married, and I couldn’t even if it wasn’t; I’m ill-equipped to prove that theory
Willie Dynamite
January 31st, 2013
2:54 pm
Disco- re your 2:39. I agree with your point but it’s a flip side as well. Dude waiting and waiting and then when chick gives it up it’s just some regla ole puddy. Just like every dude ain’t packing, every chick can’t hula hoop or tie a cherry stem onto a knot with her tongue. Sex is a part of the equation but hopefully during the waiting period you find a whole lot more trump cards.
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
2:54 pm
That was a compliment BTW. You seem to represent both men and women very well. lol
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
2:54 pm
Checking for derty D’s
that’s sum rep
That rep gets to get around Disco…
her tongue has licked all shades?
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
2:55 pm
Dan – I know this won’t answer your logic question, but I am answering it from a grown woman’s perspective.
The actual time passed does not mean anything. It’s how soon I feel comfortable going there with a man and how I gauge his maturity level. It could be several factors that determine whether something physical happens sooner or later. I’m always gonna protect myself physically and mentally.
Whatever reason a person gives for not wanting to share something so personal as their body defies logic, to me.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
2:58 pm
“I just don’t want to”. I don’t have to explain why or what for.
Disco – That’s the number one best reason and covers all the rest for me!!LOLO!!!
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
3:00 pm
Funny I was thinking bout how u so real Disco
ask me what I wanted to ask u if u got the nerve…
@Cel…Disco plays for blog menfolk sometimes
Coz uall regular blog chics don’t normally cheerless for blog men. When blog men have a point but of urs is wrong u don’t hold her to the carpet..u go ghost…that’s uall mo
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
3:01 pm
Good answer, Dan. Your post “alluded” that you would be able to break down any 5 reasons a woman gave. I already knew that wouldn’t be possible (lol).
kimmie ~ yes, best answer to boot. I’m laughing because only a crazy man would date hold moot court on that issue!
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
3:02 pm
Cheerlead
Button
January 31st, 2013
3:02 pm
SCHOOL SHOOTING AT PINE MIDDLE SCHOOL ATLANTA! PRAY FOR OUR KIDS!!! THE WORLD IS GUN CRAZY!
disco
January 31st, 2013
3:04 pm
C – you funny. I do go back and forth between teams because my feelings/thoughts/opinions are all over the place. some stuff I’m straight up for and some stuff I’m straight up against. some things I can meet in the middle on. lol.
willie d – I figured some guy (s/h – lol) would come back with that. I’ll make the argument that it’s generally a bigger letdown for us. I’ll make the argument based only on general, stereotypical character traits. women are likely more emotionally invested by the time they get to doing the do the first time. they may have higher expectations because during the wait while dude was being all gentlemanly her mind got carried away with hyping him up. she had fantasized and romanticized and all for nought. now do I really need to go into why it’s not as devastating for men? lol.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
3:04 pm
Ex – let’s clean that up a tad bit. Many blog chics cheer many of the blog men on. You might not remember because it’s not always east to cheer you on (lol).
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
3:04 pm
So Kimmie…has a dude ever sweetly cajoled u for sum….did u ever once or twice recapitulate after he sweated for it?
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
3:04 pm
@Leggs, I still can, but I don’t want to.
@Kimmie – exactly.