Waiting game is same as rejection?
My friend Bill has been seeing someone “special” for a couple of weeks. When I caught up with him yesterday, he mentioned that he was already having second thoughts about her. I asked why and he said she turned him down when he made a move.
The same guy who was just whining about not finding someone he liked during the holidays, has decided that he is unsure of someone because she wants to wait for sex. Listen, I know men are always going to want sex. I get it. I just don’t get how men claim to want someone special yet are so quick to bail when she isn’t ready to hop in bed when he does.
What is that about? I am not just asking as a woman who is completely annoyed. I asking as a dating blogger who needs solid answers: What is wrong with waiting? Why is asking for more time viewed as some form of rejection?
If your standard operating procedure with relationships is to hook up first, ask questions later (no judgement!), why can’t you pursue people who think the same?
I know it’s not just guys who want to get things hot quickly. A lot of women like to know what a man is working with early on. Are women also bothered by men who prefer to wait?
Let’s discuss! Are you for or against waiting? How does dating ADD factor into your decision to waiting or not wait?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating
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254 comments Add your comment
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
11:54 am
to not spend money..then ur date chances go down
Exiled – Don’t hate the player, hate the game. You win some and you lose some.
disco
January 31st, 2013
11:59 am
ex – don’t put spin on my words. sure you have to pay to play but that doesn’t necessarily mean a chick is walking around with a scanner setting up a “date me registry”.
Dirty Birds Rise-Up
January 31st, 2013
12:01 pm
Man Law- 1200 … A woman who gives it up in less than 2 weeks of dating will no longer be considered easy.
Women of the blog world you can no go out and get you freak on this week.
disco
January 31st, 2013
12:02 pm
kimmie – actually a lot of this foolishness is from females. this is why I say if you are going to play a game, play your game or at least play the game for you. some of these chicks are just simply what I refer to as “man dumb”. it’s amazing how many women still have sexual hang-ups. they feel like they have to be talked into it or seduced but they can’t just say they want it. I don’t get it.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
12:02 pm
There is little correlation between puddy wait time and the quality of a woman
Court & Du – For you guys, maybe not. But these concepts did not just fall out of thin air and land on women. They’ve been out here since the beginning of time and still exist among many men, and get passed on from generation to generation.
Exiled
January 31st, 2013
12:03 pm
Kimmie..i ceratinly didnt hate the chics..i respected their game coz i know some played the game good…lunch on him,dinner on him,send him on errands…smile at him ALL the time..she will be radiant with a smile..available when he calls etc….except agreeing to a smash……and sometimes,even after doing All that…..chic wld come round…..’I LIKE U AS A FRIEND”…..all the while u thought it was gon happen…..there was another dude smashing while u were just used for to sponsor this or that….
I am not surprised some give up the land search and go look on the internet!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
12:04 pm
I’m definitely teaching my daughter to wait – in fact right now “boys are nasty”. She’s 12. If she’s still heeding those words at 22, great. If she’s using that time to figure out who she is as a person/woman, even better.
That’s when the convo’s will be “hey, I get that sex is fun. But make sure you’re: 1) protecting yourself at all times (physically and emotionally), 2) communicating your intentions with these dudes – no stalkers, and 3) doing what you feel (only) when you feel it.
Hopefully, by that time, she see how I’ve treated her mother, know what gentleman that loves and respects a woman looks/acts like, and when she finds that special dude, knows how she should be treated.
How she finds him at that point is on her. All I can do is tell her my opinion.
I said that to say, I always thought that woment that clung too closely to what they mama (or ’society’, often the same thing) said about life weren’t grown enough for me. I still do things my mom and grandma told me, sure, but I’ve also reconciled them with my own life experiences.
Single and Happy
January 31st, 2013
12:06 pm
Kimmie, I was joking
Ex, you said “gentlemanly money” like that is different from regular man money. And as far as I’m concerned there is no spending of a lot of money unless I want to, I don’t care what they expect. and I have no problem “smashing”.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
12:07 pm
disco – Alot of men are “women dumb” too.
A lot among both genders have sexual hangups. A lot of it has to do with upbringing, past abuse, you name it. Stuff all the money and education in the world cannot buy. That’s why the best thing you can give a child is a healthy sense of self-image and self-worth, and the ability to think for themselves.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
12:08 pm
@Kimmie
Those concepts “amount time/sex” came from women and men – as parents.
But once a man has had relations and relationships – enough to know the difference – that delineation doesn’t mean as much.
I’m telling you, that ‘like’ is a muthersucka
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
12:11 pm
What’s all the belly aching about. You dudes know y’all have bamboozled enough chicks in your lifetimes to afford one here or there, can’t you can’t dupe. So what, a chick wants to wait. Ain’t no sin or crime that happened. I’m standing strong with the sister in today’s post. To the crybaby that didn’t get it in two weeks, sux to be him!!!
As for the rest of the chatter, like I said, was I raised a certain way and I’m passing it on. When I became a woman, I started learning how to filter, how to live MY life, when to scale back and when to keep with that mama said!!! lololololol
Stop ya whining and belly aching. We’ve heard more nonscrupulous stories and ha ha ha’s of women getting used and sported. Can we just have this one please? Thank you!! Yeah, it’s “really she’s just a slut” and stuff when it’s leaning to the women
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:12 pm
Single ~ I pay attention. You gave your initials a long time ago when you gave your age. You can see why they were so easy to remember.
The camel’s nose is a metaphor for a situation where permitting some small, seemingly innocuous act will open the door for larger, clearly undesirable actions.
“If the camel once gets his nose in the tent, his body will soon follow” and all hell will break loose because we know a camel isn’t going to just let his nose get a whiff and stay standing there. Same as “just let me put the head in, I’ll promise not to go any further.” Any woman falling for that deserves any fallout that may or may not occur!
Ok, perhaps I went left, but that saying popped in my head with disco’s comment (11:43).
Dirty Birds Rise-Up
January 31st, 2013
12:13 pm
I believe if the women of the blog favorite movie star or athlete come calling those panties will drop in 1 to 4 hours. Why do the brotha on the street have to wait so long?
@Disco-Characteristics. Motivate to please the booty, Work hard at handling and pleasing the booty. Discpline to work for the booty, Fun loving to explore the booty.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
12:14 pm
Dan – Beautiful. We;re doing the same with our little lady and gentleman.
I felt the same about mama’s boys too. Sure, listen to your parents, but learn some things and thnk for yourself as well.
disco
January 31st, 2013
12:18 pm
kimmie – a man being woman dumb? why that’s perfectly acceptable. lol.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
12:19 pm
I believe if the women of the blog favorite movie star or athlete come calling those panties will drop in 1 to 4 hours. Why do the brotha on the street have to wait so long?
I’m actually dumbfounded someone went there!!
SMH
Celisea
January 31st, 2013
12:20 pm
I believe if the women of the blog favorite movie star or athlete come calling those panties will drop in 1 to 4 hours.
And on this note, I’m heading out for lunch….lolololol Fuuunnneeeee
disco
January 31st, 2013
12:20 pm
dirty bird – please. those athletes/actors are simply fantasies. I doubt that most of us would act upon them if the opportunity arose. I for one wouldn’t. shoot I might be like a dude all of a sudden having performance anxiety. lol.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:21 pm
I believe if the women of the blog favorite movie star or athlete come calling those panties will drop in 1 to 4 hours. – Just goes to show how little you think of us. Just because your a movie star or an athlete doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. We’re not looking for dick…we’re looking for substance. Movie star or average joe blow! Without out substance, you’re still a man w/a dick looking for a depository! Please excuse my bluntness.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:22 pm
You got it, disco!!!
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:23 pm
You got it too, kimmie!
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
12:25 pm
And then the stupid athlete/actor is on tv whining about how he got got and owes a fortune in child support. Just cause he fell for every pair of panties dropped in front of him. Now who is the fool??
LOL!!!
disco
January 31st, 2013
12:26 pm
kimmie/leggs – not saying I don’t be at home looking at the tv going “mm mmm mmmm. what I wouldn’t do with some of that”. lol.
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
12:26 pm
Gentlemanly money ain’t different from what u term regular money
I simply used the term gentleman coz blog chics have alluded that they like to date dudes who act like gentlemen,do demand to go Dutch nor whine about their money when they spend.
So dude is a gent and spending money like a gent should,blowing all the whistles and bells but then gets told,after a month of just dropping $$$$…baby,we gotta wait…!!
If u still apprehensive this much in the game does brother deserve a refund? Like these chics always say,they know when they see u first time that u goin get sum OR not….so if that true why not just decline his dates if u know dude ain’t getting it? See Simple,it’s a game they play.
Now if a dude ain’t looking out for hisself,u lose..coz chic will continue accepting dates but declining to take it to nuther level…
Game!
See
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
12:27 pm
Don’t demand
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:28 pm
Nothing wrong with saying that, disco. (1) you know it’s not likely to happen and (2) you statement rests on skills, not how quickly you’ll give it up…big difference.
kimmie
January 31st, 2013
12:30 pm
Disco – Okayyyy!! Yes mame, nothing wrong with appreciating God’s creations!!
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:32 pm
“blog chics have alluded that they like to date dudes who act like gentlemen” – hogwash.
What do you think women want? I don’t think anyone is looking for a man that throws her down in her seat, drag her out of the restaurant instead of sitting back having a little chit chat at the table, throws her coat at her when time to leave.
No one is alluding to anything, it’s been outrighe stated!
daddy swiss
January 31st, 2013
12:42 pm
Howdy, folks! Looks like a lively discussion in here today… Nothing like a “how long should you wait for puddy” topic to spark some friction, I guess…
As for me, I say f__k that dude & his 2 weeks! Mofo, try having a d@mn baby! Lol. I haven’t had puddy in so long I would have forgotten what it looks like if it wasn’t for all the pics on my phone. Lol
Oh, and shout out to all the blogettes & blog bros. Hope you all are doing well.
Exiled
January 31st, 2013
12:47 pm
alluding was the wrong word then,…u got it..u want gentlemen..thats my point….
DuShawn
January 31st, 2013
12:48 pm
Im of the opinion that wait time and its signifance really is a discussion for younger daters.That’s one thing I luv about truly grown women. By the time a female reaches mid forties/early fifties, she will give you some the same day she meets you if she wants to or make you try for a year merely for her entertainment…..and won’t give a dayum how you, society or anyone else feels about it.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
12:48 pm
@Cel
Bamboozling women.
Again, the lesson for my son(s).
“There’s going to be a time in your life when all you want, all you care about is getting ‘it’. And that’s fine. Go through that, do what you feel you have to, but remember a few things: 1) karma’s a fat woman that sits on your windpipe – she’ll take that air and won’t give it back/what goes around comes around, 2) think of your sister and mom, and how you would want her to be treated and how you’d feel if someone did to her what you do to women, and 3) at the end of the day, you have to live with the consequences of your decisions – no one else, so if you make a bunch of bad ones in pursuit of a status that matters only to people that won’t be in your life long, see number one.”
I did my share of the 4 F’s in this life, had fun doing it too. I also paid for those choices in ways that I didn’t like. But, I also understood that my actions have consequences when I made the decision – every.single.time – to do some dirty stuff.
At the end though, being honest, upfront, and communicative got me further than deception (and less consequences).
The girls your age may not get that, so deal with older women (for reasons that you’ll thank me for later in life), until they do.”
Now, go change the channel.
disco
January 31st, 2013
12:49 pm
dushawn – and that right there is what I’m talking about.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
12:51 pm
Excellent post, Dan!!!!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
12:51 pm
@Daddy Swiss
Congrats to you and the wife my man!!
Exiled
January 31st, 2013
12:54 pm
@Disco…..older chics dont wait that long coz the puddy value has gone down…its a truism thats not often fully told.
Exiled
January 31st, 2013
12:55 pm
daddy swiss
January 31st, 2013
12:56 pm
Thanks, Dan. She’s a cutie.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
1:00 pm
@Ex
I don’t know what older women you know, but the ones that trained me – out.fugging.standing.
And, when you’re young, the things they do to/for/with you…..makes up for any wear and tear, including what I put on it.
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 31st, 2013
1:01 pm
By the time a female reaches mid forties/early fifties, she will give you some the same day she meets you if she wants to or make you try for a year merely for her entertainment…..
Some of y’all are on some real dumb sh.it…once again painting an effed up picture using broad strokes and generalisms…
Hey Daddy Swiss!!!
Single and Happy
January 31st, 2013
1:03 pm
Well ex, I’m a firm believer in not starting something I know I’m not going to finish, so until we’ve been in a relationship for a while, the dates will be simple, no blowing of any bells and whistles. If the woman can’t be alright with that, then I know she’s not for me and time to move on. If someone can’t take we got to wait, then that’s something they should have thought about before the spent their money.
Exiled
January 31st, 2013
1:10 pm
makes up for any wear and tear, including what I put on it.
@Dan…some do make up for the wear and tear by trickin for sure but no doubt,like u say.the puddy has taken some beating by that point…..
cant value them the same way u wld with a young thouroughbred,though untrained,is very nimble and traineable…….these old heads think theirs is the truf..u cant change them….they might have stronger tongues,no doubt……
Willie Dynamite
January 31st, 2013
1:15 pm
Afternoon all,
Good discussion from the little I’ve read.
IMO a man will wait if he deems it worth waiting for. He may just see it as a challenge and before he knows it happily ever after happens. She could be a good woman or a slut (to someone) but that is neither here nor there. Women wait cause they can. Whining about it doesn’t accomplish anything so either wait, do better or k.i.m. If puddy didn’t have any value then what you whining for.
Soapbox- some y’all dudes kill me whining bout taking chicks out on dates and then still not getting none. Man up, learn the rules of the game. You gonna take plenty of L’s. That is a fact no matter how you spin it. The richest man in the world gets turned down, a dude serving life in prison can get some and even get married. What the heyal you whining bout?
Equal opportunity- I wanna say this as respectfully as possible. I think some of you upstanding blog chick get your own personal situations mixed up with what’s really going on out here in these streets. I’ll just ask you to think of 10 of your friends,relatives, coworkers etc. how many of those chicks are top notch upstanding like yourselves. I’m willing to bet at least 6 of them are clueless. Those the chicks men run across daily so of course they will stumble a bit when presented with quality.
At the end of the day tho Men should appreciate a chick that wants to wait for whatever reason. Find her and if she is waiting for you then you got you something to keep.
Dirty Birds Rise-Up
January 31st, 2013
1:15 pm
@Dushawn… U are 100 percent correct sir… That is why I am not sure why Leggs and Celisea are holding on so tight… Cobwebbs are forming! lol
@Sassy who u trying to fool…. Shame on you..
@Disco….. I like you style…
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
January 31st, 2013
1:16 pm
@Ex
That’s where you and I differ.
I never wanted to train a young chick. If anything, I wanted to experience new isht. And what is a young chick gone show me that I don’t already know?
Trickin was the least of it. Having someone tell you it’s okay to say what you feel like you feel it, having someone that has seen through other relationships how to treat a man, and someone that was confident enough to live life as they wanted without concern for the perceptions of friends and family.
all that ^^ meant more than the sex, money, clothes, or good food.
Exiled!
January 31st, 2013
1:20 pm
Single..I agree!
U gotta watch how u spend and with whom.
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 31st, 2013
1:25 pm
who u trying to fool…. Shame on you..
Don’t try to come for me Dirty…just do it.
I don’t recall trying to fool anyone…I posted what I thought/think on the topic and some of the comments made.
Leggs
January 31st, 2013
1:27 pm
That is why I am not sure why Leggs and Celisea are holding on so tight… = Read between the lines. Both our posts speaks of “character,” which is very important to the both of us. I can get dick any day of the week. I’d rather have a relationship where the man is about something more than just a thick dick….
Nothing wrong with any woman keeping the chastity belt on if the men are less than suitable. I feel sorry any woman AND man who gets with someone for the hell of getting with someone!!!
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 31st, 2013
1:27 pm
all that ^^ meant more than the sex, money, clothes, or good food.
good point…
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 31st, 2013
1:28 pm
I can get dick any day of the week. I’d rather have a relationship where the man is about something more than just a thick dick….
Damn sure worth repeating…