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Waiting game is same as rejection?

My friend Bill has been seeing someone “special” for a couple of weeks. When I caught up with him yesterday, he mentioned that he was already having second thoughts about her. I asked why and he said she turned him down when he made a move.

The same guy who was just whining about not finding someone he liked during the holidays, has decided that he is unsure of someone because she wants to wait for sex. Listen, I know men are always going to want sex. I get it. I just don’t get how men claim to want someone special yet are so quick to bail when she isn’t ready to hop in bed when he does.

What is that about? I am not just asking as a woman who is completely annoyed. I asking as a dating blogger who needs solid answers: What is wrong with waiting? Why is asking for more time viewed as some form of rejection?

If your standard operating procedure with relationships is to hook up first, ask questions later (no judgement!), why can’t you pursue people who think the same?

I know it’s not just guys who want to get things hot quickly. A lot of women like to know what a man is working with early on. Are women also bothered by men who prefer to wait?

Let’s discuss! Are you for or against waiting? How does dating ADD factor into your decision to waiting or not wait?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

254 comments Add your comment

Too Bad So Sad

January 31st, 2013
6:39 am

Tell him to stop Whining , thats his only complaint because she doesn’t want to be used just for sex. Poor him, awe .. may the world weep for his soul.

Single and Happy

January 31st, 2013
6:55 am

The same guy who was just whining about not finding someone he liked during the holidays, has decided that he is unsure of someone because she wants to wait for sex. Umm it’s only been a month since the holidays! Sounds like Bill really needs to grow up!!

“special” for a couple of weeks Seriously!! Sounds like he needs to slow down a bit.

Hey all

Exiled!

January 31st, 2013
6:55 am

For us mortal guys,sex affects how we proceed henceforth Forward(like Obama says). If the sex is bad,real bad,then there is no forward,never mind her good personality.

If the sex is good and her personality is the same,this thing may be extended assuming also that the vibe is good.

Waiting is a female strategy to reel a guy in. We are not saying jump into bed on day one. But there is no point in playing the waiting game and just telling ur friends u gots a guy when he ain’t been to ur epicenter yet! Not cool.

Give dude a chance to compromise u and u him declare a draw then let’s call this a flunk or go. Why the hesitation? What if he don’t like urs or u don’t like his pipe? U want to be with him adnauseaum yet there may be no future?

Afteall it’s not as if he takes the puddy away with him anyway! :lol:

Exiled!

January 31st, 2013
7:03 am

Wait for what Single?

I am sure she’s being entertained….yeah she wants a gentlemen..she wouldn’t date unless he’s a gentleman and a gentleman is spending his bread on her entertaining her…yeah yeah yeah but withholding her coochie which she knows,the moment he sniffs…he might walk coz it ain’t stella….this thing has miles…see…the chic is the smart one…thus far….unless dude gets a snif and knows what he is working with….and decides….

Go or walk….

Early smash is the best decision

Exiled!

January 31st, 2013
7:11 am

So verdict is unless it’s All Dutch henceforth,dude must stop the financial bleeding and walk….

It’s not as if hers is laced All around with diamonds anyway…

There is more puddy like hers around,if not better!

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 31st, 2013
8:16 am

I co-sign with Exiled on this one….
I wonder how pissed she would be if he had a cutbuddy on the side that was there no questions asked while she played the waiting game???? Does she forfiet the right to be upset if he is rabbit dancing whit someone else if she refuses to do the deed????

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 31st, 2013
8:21 am

I gotta agree with Ex

Obviously, males and females view sex differently. But if I’m feeling a young lady, the act – good or bad – tells me a lot about where the relationship is going.

And, the fact that we’ve been ‘dating’ for “a couple of weeks (however, long that is)” and she doesn’t want to show me any intimacy, tells me a lot too.

It’s just one of those moments in an interaction where how you all communicate means a lot going forward.

If she has her reasons for saying ‘no’, tell him. Conversely, if he wants to “express his emotions by sharing a physical connection” he needs to tell her.

disco

January 31st, 2013
8:59 am

good morning. sounds like to me poor bill is in a man drought and yeah old girl is special because she’s available now (or not so available – lol). a man who is getting some elsewhere is more likely to wait (maybe patiently, maybe not so patiently) for the new chick.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 31st, 2013
9:11 am

@Disco

Therein lies the messed up part.

How many ladies lament dating in Atlanta because ‘guys can’t wait” and “guys are messing with a bunch of other women”?

While I’m not advocating a male or female sleeping with everyone because they ask (or buy you things, treat you nicely, are cool people), at a certain point, doesn’t it come back to ‘making time and space’ for people you care about?

I guess where I’m going is, it can’t be both ‘(s)he needs to be celibate and wait til I’m ready’ and ‘I can’t trust him/her because I know I’m not the only person they’re seeing.’

Single and Happy

January 31st, 2013
9:18 am

Ex, if a woman you had dated for only 2 weeks gave up the panties, YOU would quickly put her in a certain category, and by what you’ve stated here I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be in the special one. How much “bread” can someone spend it 2 weeks, and if it’s a large amount, then that’s on them!

disco

January 31st, 2013
9:23 am

dan – I won’t speak much to that game because I’m not the chick that plays it. lol. still I do think it’s relatively safe to say that most women do believe that a guy is already involved (physically) with someone whether she’s a serious contender or not. shoot, it’s equally safe to say that a lot of men believe women are getting it in too. it’s the world we live in. so the parties involved need to get past it the best way they know how. talk about it, determine what the hold up is, decide whether or not you are willing to wait. if not, go on about your business.

s/h – that there is one of those jacked up double standards. I know guys think if they got it that easy the next guy can too. yeah yeah yeah. I get it. still does your male ego never lend to you thinking that you got it not because she’s easy but because you (and only you) are the most special, sexy somebody in the universe? okay. maybe I went too far with that but still, you get it. why can’t a grown woman have an itch scratched by a grown man without a label attached? geez.

Leggs

January 31st, 2013
9:29 am

I just don’t get how men claim to want someone special yet are so quick to bail when she isn’t ready to hop in bed when he does. – I’ve experienced this on more than one occasion. Why is it that women are expected to show their interest and desire for a guy by quickly getting between the sheets with him? I don’t get it. To cop an attitude after only dating a short while (really getting to know each other), definitely puts it front and center what’s really important to him. Bye, bye…

“and a gentleman is spending his bread on her entertaining her…yeah yeah yeah but withholding her coochie which she knows,the moment he sniffs…he might walk coz it ain’t stella – Probably doesn’t even go down like that. I don’t know of any woman walking around thinking her sexual prowess isn’t good and that’s why she’s reluctant to go there. They’ve been dating a couple of weeks. That usually mean 2 weeks, which is a short time. His testicles are sweating because he’s a horndog not looking for a meaningful relationship. IMO, meaningful entails taking time to get to know one another outside of the bed.

And, there are many ways to show intimacy. Getting nekkid is just one way, not THE ONLY WAY!

MsAtl

January 31st, 2013
9:34 am

Morning All!

Single- I’m with you. I am not jumping into bed with someone after two weeks. That is not enough time to get to know someone and let’s not even get into the required testing that you will have to go through before we exchange bodily fluids. I think your friend could stand to slow down a bit MIA.

disco

January 31st, 2013
9:36 am

good morning leggs. I wasn’t even going to address dude acting like a whiny teenage boy because he didn’t get any simply because I know countless grown men who act that way whether with a new chick or with their main woman (even wife). some men are just beeyotches when it comes to their little man parts being neglected. I have witnessed full fledged temper tantrums from grown men behind them not getting any.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
9:38 am

Diva, I most certainly how “Bill” is reading. I want to tell him for her to kick rocks! lol Seriously dude? Two weeks? Whoever said it said it right, you ain’t invested or done enough to feel some sort of obligation from her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you gotta be a cash cow ahead of getting the drawers. I’m simply saying she don’t know you after two weeks. What have you done that she should feel the need to oblige? If she’s willing that’s another thing, but for him to be thinking of dropping her because she ain’t easy just kills me. Chile please…nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Aside from assuming he’s getting it, she’s getting it, she’ll be considered a “hoe” the moment it’s done, she’s easy…blah blah blah, it’s her body and her God given right to decide what’s best for her. Cause no matter how much you watch their mouths when they say otherwise, most (not all), know dern will they’re gonna wonder if it was that easy for them, just how many others it was easy for? Not say she’s easy, I’m speaking to the mind of some men.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
9:40 am

I wonder if she’s my kind of gal…lol I wonder if she knew what Bill was thinking, would she get the door for him?

disco

January 31st, 2013
9:41 am

good morning celisea. don’t you sound passionate this morning? lol.

fellas – where’d y’all go?

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
9:45 am

disco – morning disco! (see that exclamation point there) :)

Okay, it’s official…lol When I my year end last year, my manager’s manager said the same, I see you as “passionate”, etc etc etc. That was after all the ballplayer drama of course. My manager didn’t think so though. Of course in my annual review this year with her and sans her manager, she said the same thing. She listed it as positive things she’s learned about me. She didn’t have any negatives :mrgreen:

Leggs

January 31st, 2013
9:47 am

Morning, disco. Seems what you won’t address, I tend to (lol). I feel ya!

Single ~ I started to say the same about the money he may have spent in 2 weeks. It’s all on him! If he spent a lot on her, it was only to get to the honey pot. She didn’t twist his arm, and now he’s squawking because his balls are hanging low….oh well!

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
9:50 am

Honestly, he probably ain’t spend jack (too much). He’s just salty because “getting it” without effort has been par for the course….for him. There use to be a time, a man would saddle up for the challenge. Not so much saddling up to “get it”, but saddling up cause she’s a philly and might be worth the time and effort. I ain’t talking about dudes that’s ego tripping and want to tear her and her dignity down all because she said no.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
9:53 am

spent not spend, hope not how, and a nod for the other errors. I don’t feel like retyping…lololol

disco

January 31st, 2013
9:55 am

leggs – between the both of us I guess we do get the bases covered.

re sex and money I’m still amazed that folks act like there shouldn’t be a correlation. as long as I can remember knowing about sex I knew money was involved. lol. I remember my grandmother commenting that no woman should be with a man that wouldn’t or couldn’t do for her. I remember a cousin saying once that a dude might tell all his boys that he got some but she’d be right behind him telling his boys how much it cost him. I’m the one that’s always so put out when chicks (like the friend I mentioned yesterday) are getting the bottom knocked out but never have money. that’s just so wrong to me. lol. grown men know that they have to pay to play. and for the women who don’t want to feel like their prostituting themselves – the exchange doesn’t necessarily have to be monetary.

Leggs

January 31st, 2013
10:03 am

disco ~ I told this guy late last year that if he didn’t have any money to date, then he should stay home. Dating requires $$. Not meaning you have to have your wallet open all the time and spend big bucks, but dating requires you have money. AND, I believe in reciprocity, so I too will need some $$ to date. All dates should not fall on the man. If he won’t accept my money, that’s a different story, but I’m offering at some point.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 31st, 2013
10:11 am

First “a couple of weeks” is a saying and a standard deviation of time, but let’s not assume that they’ve only been seeing each other for 2 weeks as a fact.

Second, a truly confident dude doesn’t care about the past. So this whole “how many other guys got it this fast” is a female projection issue.

I never once assumed anything about a woman that I had sex with after knowing her a “short amount of time,” except that she liked me.

So far as I am, was, and will always be concerned, once we had our encounter(s), her past had nothing to do with me. That, and she’ll forever compare every dude henceforth to me.

Only ponks worry about the men in a woman’s past (that is, beyond the dude with herpesgohonnosyphariea)

Button

January 31st, 2013
10:11 am

Good morning,

Two weeks!!! wow where is the patience? I say ditch the guy for moving too darn fast! esp if the woman is not on the same page as he is. Entitled much! for taking her on a date. Some men!

I prefer a man who will wait until the both of us are emotionally ready to go that route, for me its months lol

I know most people (men) think that spending money equals sex but some women don’t feel that way. I know some women who have said he took me out so I have to give him some honey because he spent his money. I guess it’s just whatever mind frame you possess.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:14 am

Off topic…for a sec (and since it’s quiet)…

I was watching the movie The Change Up with Jason Bates and Ryan Renolds and just realized it was THAT movie that was shot in our building. The backdrop is Atlanta. Well, when they did the scene where (JB’s) law firm was in mediation and they all walked out, THAT WAS OUR BUILDING. Y’all remember me saying sometime ago I was standing on the backside of the building looking out the window at him running up the stair, while tapping? Didn’t realize it was that movie :)

Back to work…y’all resume, well maybe not. No one is talking right now.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:15 am

oops, my bad…nobody was talking when I started typing that post.

Button

January 31st, 2013
10:16 am

I agree with you Leggs @10.03

I clap my hands and do back flips for the guys who dissed me or felt rejected because I didn’t drop my panties when I turned down their requests! I question guys who move too fast. What’s the rush? To me those guys are dangerous. Walking STD.

Leggs

January 31st, 2013
10:17 am

First “a couple of weeks” is a saying and a standard deviation of time – True, but “couple of weeks” can mean just that, a couple of weeks, less than a month! If they were dating for even a month, he would have said a month. So, weeks is still a relatively short amount of time no matter how you slice the days.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:18 am

stairs and taping…

Dan, I agree and good for you. As much as I hate to say it, even men “not so adolescent”, still think and act like that sometimes. Not all though.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 31st, 2013
10:18 am

Leggs your 9:29 and Celi your 9:38 is totally on point. Two weeks?!…what’s he expecting after TWO weeks?

And if his self esteem is shattered that deeply to the point of him feeling insecure(after a whopping two weeks) then HE might have a high level of low self esteem or he just wanted one thing.

Another thing…had she slept with him I wonder what he would have thought about her then?…more double standards. Some guys are full of a bunch of self serving bullisht sometimes…

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:19 am

Bottom line, a woman should move at a pace good for her and where she’s emotionally ready. You don’t want that crazy chick to show up right? Okay then, be patience. Good things come to those who wait :mrgreen:

Alright I’m out of here for now.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 31st, 2013
10:19 am

I question guys who move too fast. What’s the rush? To me those guys are dangerous. Walking STD.

Cosign…

Button

January 31st, 2013
10:20 am

Hey Celisea, the king and queen building is in almost all the shows I’ve seen on tv that’s taped in atl. it’s right outside my window.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:23 am

patient

Sassy – I don’t get all the whining…seriously?

Shoot, I can even see (not agreeing but can see), if they spent everyday together for two weeks. But when Diva says “seeing her for two weeks”, that’s what 2 or 3 dates, 4 at the most? How well does she know you after interacting 3 or 4 times? C’mon dude, slow your roll

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:25 am

Button – We’ve only had about 3 or 4 movies (scenes) shot here. I haven’t seen any movies where the king and queen towers were shot, but I believe you. I take that back, I probably have but didn’t realize. It just jumps out at me when I see my building… My sister worked in one of those buildings for years.

disco

January 31st, 2013
10:25 am

LOL. I’m laughing at the static that two weeks is getting. I’m not tripping so hard off of two weeks in itself as I’m tripping off of dude tripping. he’s the problem moreso than two weeks. again, it’s not always about falling in love or meeting the next love of your life or having some deep meaningful relationship. sometimes you are just trying to get it in. unfortunately for bill (was his name bill?) he didn’t pick a chick or get picked by a chick that was just looking to get it in right quick. boo hoo bill. just move on player. I think I told y’all I hit on a guy recently only to get the “I’m involved with someone” line. what dude doesn’t know is that in my mind I had already planned to be screwing him within the next 30 days. sometimes it’s just like that.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:27 am

disco – I think it’s the timeframe AND him. Because for him, the timeframe is the issue. Yeah, his inability to excercise patience and see possibly a good woman is first on the the crap list, but I can’t dismiss the window cause that’s his issue, thus her issue.

Button

January 31st, 2013
10:28 am

The 3 date rule, 90 rule does not apply to me. What applies to me is having that emotional connection that surpasses just the physical.

Leggs

January 31st, 2013
10:31 am

What’s the rush? To me those guys are dangerous. – I feel the same.

21 day dude tried to get me to go out for drinks with him about 2 months ago. He wanted to further explain why he flipped out on me. He said if I didn’t call him, he would get the message. Silence speaks volumes! for all you inquiring minds, he popped up on a site I was on. I closed that profile as well because the site was full of nasty, horny, married idiots.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 31st, 2013
10:34 am

I’m tripping off of dude tripping.

Exactly…that is some real moist-azz…b-i,b-i type behavior….kick rocks.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:36 am

Button – Question for you….

I don’t set a rule either per se and my thing also is waiting until I feel ready but usually that’s well beyond 90 days. And yes, it can be done. A dude will be wiling to wait, if he thinks you’re a good enough investment. I said a few months back that my boo was super cool. I can’t say ending a date was his favorite part of the evening, but given the fact that he was man about it and didn’t throw a tantrum spoke volumes to me, of his character. Also, I have a kid, so becoming emotionally investment encompasses allllll of that and how I should deal with bringing everything into the picture and in to tow. And like I said….GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO CAN WAIT IT OUT….WAIT FOR YOU TO FEEL READY

Single and Happy

January 31st, 2013
10:37 am

Dan, when were the holidays? what is today’s date? so why wouldn’t you assume a couple of weeks to be 2 weeks??

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 31st, 2013
10:37 am

the site was full of nasty, horny, married idiots.

Yep…it seems as though nasty,horny,married idiots are EVERYWHERE…take yall’s a$$es the hell home…and pick the baby up from day care on your way.. :lol:

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:37 am

in to…not in to tow

Button – You think you could become invested after two weeks? I mean truly emotionally invested. Not knocking, just asking.

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:39 am

take yall’s a$$es the hell home…and pick the baby up from day care on your way

Ut oh :shock: and lolololol and cosign!! Tainting the dang dating pool for the good brothers.

Single and Happy

January 31st, 2013
10:41 am

I question guys who move too fast. What’s the rush? To me those guys are dangerous. Walking STD. ROTFLMAO if only you guys knew, those are my initials

Button

January 31st, 2013
10:42 am

Celisea what’s the question?

Dudes that drive a van with a baby seat in tow trying to holla! lol

Married dudes on dating sites trying to holla! lol

Dude with the one rotating eye trying to holla! lol

Celisea

January 31st, 2013
10:43 am

Button – My 10:37 Just asking

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 31st, 2013
10:44 am

Tainting the dang dating pool for the good brothers.

True…and then there’s the flip side. Like Johnny Taylor said, “Who’s making love to YOUR old lady…while you’ve been out making love?”…oh wait…I think I just heard a muy fragile ego crack…