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Is this a bad time?

I think many failed romances are a result of bad timing. You can appear to be very compatible and show great potential, but if the timing is wrong, it all falls apart. We don’t always realize that it is the wrong time, though. I believe we get caught up in attraction and end up realizing it way too late that it’s the right person, wrong time.

This is especially true when someone is nursing a heartbreak, mourning the end of a long relationship or marriage. I think people need to just have fun and let dating be about the “palate cleansers” to clear the lingering bad taste you may have from the ex. Even when we feel ready, it’s not until things get hot and heavy with the rebound relationship that we can see how important timing is.

Have you ever met someone really great at a really bad time in your life? How did you handle it?

I think if we were more honest with people we date about where we are – emotionally, it could save a lot of heartache. When you let folks know what head space you are in – you would be surprised at how understanding some people can be. Many of us have been there and know that it takes time to be in the right place to start something new.

How do figure out if it is a bad time to start a serious relationship? How do you let the person you just met know that? Is it fair to ask them to wait until the timing is better for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blof

181 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

January 30th, 2013
6:39 am

Is it fair to ask them to wait until the timing is fair for you?

….ha ha ha….

Atlanta women are reeeallyy emotionally creeeeeezeeey!!!!

Do u have company in this thinking Diva?

Dating for fun might be….wait! Dudes actually do that….until the Right one crosses their path.

Ofcourse dudes ‘waste’ time and have fun with the emotionally crazeeeeey!

Hello MIA!!!

lee

January 30th, 2013
6:42 am

Never heard of a bad time to start anything. People are always great in the beginning…Lies are the biggest obstacle in any relationship, if you start out that way it will not end well.
Don’t mix up someone being great with someone being nice those are two different things, because if they were that great ==wouldn’t they still be by your side?!
Everyone walks into your life I believe for a reason, some stay some don’t , try to learn from it so you will not repeat those same mistakes again.

hazel

January 30th, 2013
8:27 am

It would be nice to let the other person know if you are just dating casually and not looking for anything. Hopefully in the first date or two. Either he/she will be cool or #ain’t got time for dat.
And No its not fair to ask them to wait. That would be selfish.

Button

January 30th, 2013
8:37 am

Happy Hump Day! I’ve met some really great guys and the thought always ran across my mind saying great guy but bad timing. It comes with the territory of dating. There was this one guy, he possessed all the trimings of what I was looking for, he had a great sense of humor, empathic, nice personality, polite, he was a very high calibre type of man but, I was not in the place where I would have been good for him. My mind was on what I was dealing with at the time and going forward with him would have been a waste of his time. Timing is everything.

Alberta

January 30th, 2013
8:51 am

Looks like we’re back to a communication issue. Here’s how I see it. If you are a good communicator, you’ve probably married to a wonderful person right now. If not, you’re probably 30+, single and read blogs about timing in a relationship.

“How do you figure out if it is a bad time to start a serious relationship?” As an adult, if you haven’t figured out how to do this by now you never will.

“How do you let the person you just met know that?” Tell him or her. In know that sounds complicated, but I promise you it works.

“Is it fair to tell ask them to wait until the timing is ready for you?” Not if you have any self-respect.

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
9:06 am

I’ve used the term “bad timing” myself in the past, as I can only recall one time in my life that I’d consider such….mmm mmm mmm But to think about it, who is meant for you is yours. No such thing as bad timing. You get to have one person, not one and a possibility….lol I’m sure most have met someone where there was either magnetic attraction (can I use that) or crazy electricity…I know I have….but, the person or me was already with someone. Now, having said that, I think I or you or them or he or she probably talked or interacted a little too long to even know that (they’re booed). Y’all get what I’m saying? I think that’s why the can’t have your cake and eat it too saying comes into play. They’re booed or married and I or you or them or he or she is already taken or spoken for. If (and I use that lightly) there is a such thing as bad timing I would say it’s due to not finding a way to come together yet each person is open and available. And that brings me back to saying (of course just my humble opinion), no such thing as bad timing because if you’re not “booed”, then if either you want it bad enough you will make it happen. Plenty of folks eventually come together or find a way.

Okay, that was a bunch of rambling….lol I think I believe what I just wrote….I think :)

I was looking for an old email from my manager for a link on getting a task done and did a search on my entire Outlook, and lookie lookie what I found. Emails from someone way back when. I started reading through some of them and came across the word “bama”…..lolololol Guess it’s not just Robert huh?

Alright, I gotta get to work. I’ll stick my head back in later.

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
9:11 am

Oh, my bad timing almost got me. He was mmm mmm mmm, what can I say? I ran into a mutual friend (the IT guy I mentioned) and then another mutual friend Monday. He was coming out of his building (downtown), heading to a meeting in another building. All things happen the way they should. Just reminscing bout the old days while sitting here….aaaaaah yeah

But, I’m quite happy these days :mrgreen: I wouldn’t change a thing!

K….gotta get coffee, and work

disco

January 30th, 2013
9:20 am

good morning. yes celisea, you did get your ramble on but if it’s any consolation I understood exactly what you were saying or attempting to say. it is what it is.

some would make the argument that there is no bad timing while others would make the argument that there is no good timing. it’s all perspective. some times you have to do just step up and do something and try to make it work. maybe if you sit around waiting for the perfect timing you’ll never have/accomplish anything. flip side, if you are always jumping into things without giving them any thought or preparation you’ll never have/accomplish anything.

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
9:29 am

Morning.

It boils down to communication, more so the non-verbal form. If one is really astute, one can quickly determine their lane. Booty call, FWB, lunch partners only, etc. It’s only bad timing if you linger.

I is tired….

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
9:29 am

disco – Good you understood, as long as I didn’t sound crazy….lol

Button

January 30th, 2013
9:30 am

lol @Celisea

DuShawn

January 30th, 2013
9:34 am

Just like being the 1000th shopper at a store and you win the grand prize; I believe timing is everything when it comes to relationships, especially regarding men and marriage. I can remember dating three women that would’ve made great wives. They were beautiful, we had great chemistry, they looked good on paper and I loved them. However, I didn’t want to get married at the time. Years later, after participating in several of my friends weddings, and growing tired of bachelorhood, I was ready. I had no prospects in sight. I decided the next chick I fell in love with I will marry. I met wifey, fell in love and we have been happily married for well over a decade. Over the years, I have run into those three great women that I mentioned earlier. Not surprisingly, the next dude they got with after our thing ended wifed them up. One however, was still available. She asked me why I didn’t search for her when I was ready. I told her “ Baby, our timing was off.”

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
9:38 am

If u go out and date with an AGENDA in mind..THIRSTY…u gon be dissappointed and then lament BAD TIMING…coz in ur warped thinking, its like every dude u meet..its gotts work…..see..pushing it…

If u date to date and let the chips fall where they may…..see..ur Auntie flow is gon be smoothless every month..no high blood pressure this or that..no THIRST in your game…..

Make the mistake of having an AGENDA..and THISRT..ohhh my GOD…thats when u start lamenting BAD TIMING Blah blah nonsense coz in ur mind..its like every dude u meet…its gotta work….! No maammmm…it dont work that way….

This thing is part Luck,part fate..part ur vibe,part ur looks..part how u mouth stuff etc etc etc..a concocorpia of some intricate gumbo….New Erleans(not a typo!) gumbo aint even close! :lol: :lol:

So LADIES…no THIRST…and its gon be aaalright…Just date,have fun. and dont take every SMASH like dude has signed a Binding, Obligatory Note…jeeeez(Can we talk…after the smash)..it aint that serious ladies..its just a smash!..its gotta be fun all the time….coz i tell u it is fun for dudes….

When a dude sees some they like….they gon SNAP U OFF THE MARKET with the Quickness!!

And if u a Late Draft….Dont PANIC!!! (I know,easier said than DONE..Meelo!!)

Good Morning!

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
9:38 am

its gotta work

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
9:42 am

And if u a Late Draft….Dont PANIC!!! (I know,easier said than DONE..Meelo!!)

Boy stop….

disco

January 30th, 2013
9:49 am

dushawn – thanks for confirming what I always say – men can get married pretty much anytime they decide to. even a no good, worthless, low level brother can find a chick to “I do” him.

ex – I don’t think having an agenda translates to thirsty. I think having an agenda translates to knowing what you want, determining what steps are necessary to get what you want and being willing to do what it takes. nothing wrong with having an agenda. now I do admit some folks can be ruthless in implementing their agendas but that’s a different topic altogether.

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
10:01 am

@Disco..i beg to differ…

Dating with Thant kind of Agenda..is for “late in the game” folks..the ones who have always wanted to get married,hasnt happened and now thinkg the clock is ticking away..those folks..YES..im ALL for the AGENDA coz look here…unless it happens fast..then u know the attraction factor etc is fading and their chances dimnish quick….

Everybody else..just date a dude u think u vibe with, has got the basics u look for,aint crazy,holds down a j o b,dont scavenge u for money..and Keep it Moving…..U cannot hide a Lamp under a bushel(cover) the good book, i think says..cant remember the Verse(Celisea?) so if dudes see a viable chic to wife,they will wife. NO need for u to be hollering so as to be made a STARTER….

Now if u aint STARTER Lebron/Kobe material….thats when an AGENDA is called for maybe…..but still..if u young..no need to panic……panic breeds panic and confusion…and dudes smel a Thirsty chic quick.. and u know, Thirsty chics give it up quick then go bongas when dudes bench them…

Thirst (AGENDA) is for the one with a long shot.

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
10:04 am

disco

January 30th, 2013
10:10 am

ex – I don’t even think it’s an age issue. there are many young chicks who know they want to be married young. for instance the ones who go to college to get their “M.R.S.”. these chicks date with an agenda and it has nothing to do with their biological clocks. it’s all about knowing what they want and taking the steps to make it happen. all I’m saying to you is agenda doesn’t translate to thirsty. NOW maybe a man who isn’t trying to be party to said agenda will call it thirsty because he feels like he wants to play “victim” and claim some trick is trying to trap him or hem him up.

DuShawn

January 30th, 2013
10:10 am

Disco- “even a no good, worthless, low level brother can find a chick to “I do” him” That’s because every woman wants to be a wife at some point. I have always found it interesting how men and women have such a different perspective on marriage. For females, it’s a new beginning. For guys, it’s the end. When a chick tells her friends of her pending nuptials, her girlfriends are so happy and excited for her. They say things like: “Congratulations girl!!!” When a dude tells his friends, it’s like a death in the family. The mood is somber and they say things like: “Dayum dog, you sure you want to do this?”

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:13 am

disco – Your 10:10 is spot on, especially the last sentence. Mmeello, chile stop with that foolishness…lol There are just some men that think (being a) woman = thirty and if you say you’re NOT thirsty and quite happy, yousa lie!!! lololololol

disco

January 30th, 2013
10:19 am

thanks C. we know how ex can be. I ain’t mad at him though. he’s entitled.

dushawn – sho you right. ties in to men getting married hoping the women stay the same and women getting married hoping the men will change. it’s always something.

Button

January 30th, 2013
10:19 am

Ex who in their right mind would want to date for the fun of it? Why put energy in getting to know someone just for the heck of it? wounded hearts don’t make for a happy person. An agenda does not constitute thirst. With thinking like that is why the marriage rate amongst AA is lagging behind others.

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
10:23 am

“That’s because every woman wants to be a wife at some point. ”

DuShawn, not even true. Not all little girls aspire to be a wife or a parent!

DuShawn

January 30th, 2013
10:25 am

“-who in their right mind would want to date for the fun of it?- ……..WHAT? I thought that was the purpose. People date to have fun. If you get to know and like the person in the process, that’s a bonus. The main goal is to have a good time, not evaluating your guest as a potental mate.

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:27 am

Leggs – I’m agreeing as well, with you 10:23. These general statements are men that THINK they know all women. For the most part in areas, all women are the same but there are some places that set us apart.

And contrary to what SOME may think, some of us don’t wallow over things that could have been done different (i.e. kids sans marriage, etc), but are proud of making strides and overcoming. Who’s got time to stuck like chuck? I for one can’t hardly remember “stuff” from way back when (I guess y’all say y’all beg to differ according to all my long posts…lol). My point is you learn and grow and adapt to life. Because I didn’t do it the way Becky did (well not “Becky”), does not mean I didn’t something wrong or didn’t get it right. Contrary to what many may think, no person in their right mind (well some might), will spend years pining and moaning over coulda woulda shoulda. I am one that’s happy happy happy with my station in life and aside from enjoying, am making no plans to switch things up. Now, if that’s not the norm or don’t sound on the up and up, well just too dang bad then….lololol

disco

January 30th, 2013
10:27 am

leggs – I didn’t even argue that point with dushawn because it works in his favor re the sorry, worthless, no count dudes still landing wives. some chicks will take any old piece of a man just for the sake of having one. for that reason alone I’ll let dushawn have the point. lol.

o/t – I just read a column written by a guy with locs shouting out his shampoo girl at the salon. I couldn’t help but feel him. boy oh boy there is something to be said about a good scalp scrubbing. there was a shampoo girl at my current stylist who was the absolute bomb. she went away but I still ask about her every now and then.

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:29 am

because it works in his favor re the sorry, worthless, no count dudes still landing wives. some chicks will take any old piece of a man just for the sake of having one

Mmm hmmm, and boy, what a prize. Trifling, lazy, wondering eyes, wondering heart, ain’t worth nothing, can’t get nothing, can’t buy nothing…..etc etc etc

And we’re missing on on what now? Iggg zackly!!!

DuShawn

January 30th, 2013
10:30 am

@Leggs- Not all, but generally speaking, I believe that to be true. Most girls dream of a “Barbie” wedding, with Daddy walking them down aisle.

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
10:30 am

@Disco…many young chicks who know they want to be married young. for instance the ones who go to college to get their “M.R.S.”..

Yes, there are many who are not the majority,in my view, who do this..but if u want to see some crazy ladies or unhappy chics when they get older and are still single..its these same folks you describe…..coz an AGENDA Has the unfortunate thing of transforming itself into Unhappyiness when the AGENDA fails!.

Robert

January 30th, 2013
10:31 am

” Is it fair to ask them to wait until the timing is better for you? ”

As a single Man I am a great “time manager”. Just like Celisea said “I’m sure most have met someone where there was either magnetic attraction (can I use that) or crazy electricity”….I have too.

When I was younger I would have a dating schedule to avoid good or bad timing issues (breakfest, lunch, dinner, midnite snack).

Guys, how many times have you had to tell someone to leave because they were overstaying their welcome?

Guys, how many times have you had someone to come over too early?

Guys, how many times have you had to fake a phone call to excuse yourself and leave for another date?

Guys, how many times do you have your normal routine schedule disrupted because someone does not want to leave, is to early and/or just does not want to go home?

Guys, how are you managing your “timing issues” with women?

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:32 am

Missing out = married, using in this context

…..and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Imma stop now cause it will be a matter of pages before someone changes their name to take a stab jab at me….lololol

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
10:33 am

Gotcha disco. Like Celisea, some blanket statements need to be addressed (lol).

Well, Celisea, I’m wallowing in missing Cash 3 yesterday and last Monday. That money should have been MINE!

disco ~ high five on a good scalp scrubbing. My current hair stylist had a guy to shampoo our heads and at one point I got lost in thought (lol).

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:36 am

Leggs – Lotto is something you can try try try again…lol

Did I spit on the screen with my “iggg zackly!!!” lolololol

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
10:37 am

Ex who in their right mind would want to date for the fun of it?

@Button..most young folks with a future ahead of them date for fun……they may not even be messing with the chics/guys coz they just dont..but thats the Whole idea….

Dating with salt in ur pocket(hunting with salt in ur pocket :lol: ) is for those who have pressure of some sort…..

And im not even saying ALL women dream of marriage..some just wanna date..i take that….but quit the AGENDA..just go for the man u vibe with and quit building castles in the air…..Unless of course…u creezy like that…

and i can tell u Disco,in my dating days..chics with an AGENDA had the most drama…sleep with her once..she is coming to ur crib at nite,knocking on the window,unannounced…

Comeon Man! :lol:

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:40 am

I just googled hunting salt. Never heard of that

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 30th, 2013
10:41 am

“Ex who in their right mind would want to date for the fun of it? Why put energy in getting to know someone just for the heck of it?”

Wow…… So Button, in your estimation, all dates are nothing more than expensive job interviews????

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
10:43 am

Guys, how many times have you had to tell someone to leave because they were overstaying their welcome? – DAMN, glad that never happened to me.

Exiled

January 30th, 2013
10:44 am

Celisea..ima go to work but thats an expression..u know these hunters go in the wild to hunt..right..and if u assume u gon catch..then u gon have some salt,pepper etc.kill and eat the food whilst still out there…….thats a hungry hunter right there…most though wil bring the foood back to the crib and share with the fam…:lol:

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
10:45 am

O/T ~ when eating a banana, how many of you spit out the tip on top and throw away the bottom tip?

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:46 am

Dang Robert, yousa a playa for real. All of your questions were posed with “how many times….” Alright now, you go boy…I think Not as bama as perceived huh?

Celisea

January 30th, 2013
10:47 am

Mmeelo – Imma go to work too, after this and yeah, if you say so. I don’t know too many that walk around with hunting salt. I got the point though.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 30th, 2013
10:48 am

“O/T ~ when eating a banana, how many of you spit out the tip on top and throw away the bottom tip?”

Oh the possiblities for this one……..

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
10:50 am

:lol: :lol: @Courtside. It didn’t even occur to me because I was so focused on the banana and why I always do that.

Lee

January 30th, 2013
10:50 am

I agree with EX for the most part.. I think one part should read, have fun dating , not dating for fun.. Cause if you are dating someone who wants to just sit there and look at each other, there should be some fun factor in there. No?!

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 30th, 2013
10:54 am

LOL..Leggs, I am sure EVERY dude in your office that can see you is also focused on the banana…. :) :)

Leggs

January 30th, 2013
11:00 am

You have me cracking up. I have a warped, sometimes gutter mind, but I didn’t even think of that. Poor banana…

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 30th, 2013
11:02 am

Poor banana??? Sounds like the luckiest Banana in town to me!!! LOLOLOLOL

disco

January 30th, 2013
11:05 am

ex – this is going to be my last time addressing you (I hope). I think you are taking agenda to mean someone is out to get you. they are scheming on you. they won’t go with the flow because they are so busy trying to obtain their finish line blue ribbon. I get it. now when I say agenda I mean nothing more than having a defined notion of what you want and a list of tasks to help achieve what you want. quite frankly I prefer that method rather than the method of “kissing frogs” and hoping one of them turns into a prince.

courtside – why y’all got to mess up our culinary experiences? a sister can’t enjoy a banana, an ice cream cone, a popsicle, an ear of corn on the cob. just stop it I tell you.

DuShawn

January 30th, 2013
11:08 am

“….had to tell someone to leave because they were overstaying their welcome?”….. I remember this one chick, I used to call her “Legs” (no disrespect to the one on here). Man, she had some gorgeous legs, and in bed she was a champ! She would cross those pretty long legs Indian style over her breast while lying on her back with her ankles crossed. Whew!.. My boxers gettin tight in the front just thinking about her. Anyway I digress; it was a hurricane threatening to hit south Florida. She lived in a high rise, I had a house. She asked if she and her two little boys could ride out the storm at my spot. I agreed, they came thru, the storm went around us. About three days had passed, the storm been gone. She shows no sign of leaving. Her little boys tearing my house up, my classic cd’s all out the case on the floor, they running back and forth everywhere, driving me crazy. I would leave and hang out for hours not wanting to return to my own sh&*t. I dropped as many hints as I could with no success. Finally, I just said it’s time for you to leave. After that, my visits became less frequent and when she started asking me for bread…it was a wrap.