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Stay away from my ex, dude

With so many people in this city, you would think that dating your friend’s ex would not happen often. Apparently, that whole birds of a feather can really backfire sometimes, no? A circle of friends will at some point have to face the dilemma of whether or not to pursue someone that has already dated a mutual friend.

What is the protocol, though? The older we get, shouldn’t we be able to be adult about this kind of thing? Would you really stand in the way of true love because you want to be territorial with your exes?

Do you believe that someone who has dated one of your close friends is off-limits to you? What would you do if a friend came to you and expressed an interest in someone you once married, dated, or hooked up with?

Should you ask for and get permission from your friend before you proceed?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

167 comments Add your comment

lee

January 28th, 2013
7:02 am

Now if we just broke up, that would sting a bit and i would be wondering when did this really start for you and my X. If it was a long time ago X , i really would not have a problem, go for it!

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
7:45 am

Hey all, now that’s an easy one, being from a small town dating friends exes. and vice versa was common thing. If you’ve truly moved on with your life, you don’t care who they date. LIFE GOES ON

disco

January 28th, 2013
9:26 am

good morning.

I’m on team date whoever you want. folks still laying claim to exes and talking about “but that’s my baby daddy/momma” need to get some bizness. if you don’t want them don’t worry about who does. if you do want them then go for yours. if they don’t want you, let that mess go. that’s just me though. I know a lot of people (male and female) really do feel some kind of way about somebody dating their exes. I say, that’s their problem.

Button

January 28th, 2013
9:39 am

Good Monday morning! On someone I’ve dated –although I’ve never been in that situation, I probably would feel a certian kind of way but I would have to put my big girl panties on and keep it in prespective that he’s an ex and what we had is over, and wish him the best, however I’d wish never to be put into that situation.

If he were my ex husband and my friend want to date him then it will be in the back of my mind whether she had the eye for him the whole while. You can’t help but to wonder. Knowing myself, I would try to sabatog it though. Heck I can’t have my friend going where I’ve been, if you get my drift, heck vows were made.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
9:39 am

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
9:42 am

buttons, if he’s an ex those vows have been broken, And even if your friend did have eyes, if it was never acted on, no harm no foul. :-D

disco

January 28th, 2013
9:47 am

hey there single/happy. what’s going on? you dating your friend’s ex? lol.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
9:50 am

Disco, I almost did, but she didn’t want to act right. She wanted me but didn’t know how to get me (LOL) Now I have knocked down a few friends exes :-D

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 28th, 2013
9:50 am

This would NEVER be a problem for me…… I could care less if one of my boys wanted to date an ex…and I know my boys…. I would not want to do anything other than participate in a freak show with anyone they would date….

disco

January 28th, 2013
9:53 am

quick off topic. so I’m in the grocery store and some guy asks me what’s for dinner. I’ve had this happen many times and I figure it’s the tacky line of the simple man who doesn’t know what else to say. thing is this line irks the heck out of me and so even if dude might have had a shot he blew it with those three little words. guys (and I know everyone’s not here yet) what is really up with the grocery store pickup? how do you that have tried it (the grocery store pick up) generally go about it? is there really a world full of men that think asking a chick what’s for dinner is the way to go? naturally my friends say I’m tripping and I ought to relax. one even suggested I respond with telling him where he can take me for dinner. I’m like really? give a dog a bone? later for him. okay. I’m done. just tirading because that really really irks me.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
9:58 am

Now disco, what happened to you new years res?? gone already (LOL)

disco

January 28th, 2013
10:01 am

s/h – what new years resolution? lol. I put a copy of Richard wright’s black boy in my car last night. it’s going to be my “classic” reading for the month of February. I read zora neale hurston’s jonah’s gourd vine in January. I’m right on track with resolutions. lol.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
10:03 am

about getting a man this year :-D

disco

January 28th, 2013
10:09 am

S/H – I know. I was just trying to avoid the obvious. actually, just last week I (ahem) hollered at a guy. he told me he was involved with someone and apologized profusely for leading me on (this after months and months of flirting back and forth and me finally getting tired of waiting on him to make a move). needless to say I did have a nice little wound to patch up but it’s still only month 1. I have 11 more months to go. oh and I won’t deny that for a split second I was thinking “girlfriend? girlfriend? I don’t care about no stinking girlfriend? she ain’t nobody”. lol.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
10:12 am

Disco, so you want to do the hollering.

Bluzgirl

January 28th, 2013
10:15 am

I think it would be a “depends” situation. I wouldn’t want a close friend dating an ex that I was in love with. BUT…my close friends wouldn’t go there and I wouldn’t go there with their exes. If it’s just someone that I briefly dated or just hooked up with and didn’t really care about, then have at it.

Haven’t had an issue with this since I was in 8th grade and my “best” friend stole my first puppy love…

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 28th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning disco……

I must remember to never inquire about your dinner plans!!!! On teh real though… I have met several women at the market, and for me, the best way to do it is to strike up a conversation with a bit more sincerity than ” What’s for dinner”…. In fact, the last time I went to the Dekalb Farmers Market, I met this beautiful lady as we both poured over their wonderful assortment of cheeses. She was planning a party and I heard her mention to a her girlfriend that having a cheese platter at a party was lame… I made a joke and the proceeded to spend 10 or so minutes talking with them about the many things that could be done with it and not only did we exchange numbers, but I offered to make a appatizer that her guest would love. We exchanged numbers and have gone out several times since…..

Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!

January 28th, 2013
10:16 am

Good morning by the way!!!

Exiled!

January 28th, 2013
10:22 am

No,I ain’t even smashing let alone date my folks’ trash!

Anybody that my folks know how they toss and turn in the bedroom and have travelled their bodies…ummm,ah,No…I’m taking a pass.

Too many women to go round,many times over.. that it ain’t even an issue to drop that No go woman.

disco

January 28th, 2013
10:26 am

S/H – not necessarily but this thing was going back and forth with friendly flirtations for months. enough was enough. now I know to scratch dude off the list as a possible.

courtside – I can appreciate that you come with more than just “what’s for dinner”. did I mention it irks me. lol. in my mind the what’s for dinner dude will turn out to be the dude who calls and asks what you are cooking rather than can he take you out. some guys don’t understand they have to graduate to that level. guess they think they can get home cooked right out the gate.

Robert

January 28th, 2013
10:31 am

” What would you do if a friend came to you and expressed an interest in someone you once married, dated, or hooked up with?”

I will pay somebody to hook-up with my ex-wife. Anybody need a hustle?

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
10:33 am

Disco, you’re thinking to much into it, any line is just an ice breaker to see your personality.

Button

January 28th, 2013
10:35 am

Single – that’s the way I feel.

disco – I get them all the time, I just fake smile and turn away or just ignore the comment all together.

Celisea

January 28th, 2013
10:36 am

While I could care less what you do…once I’m done, I think it speaks volumes about a person’s character for fishing repeatedly out of the same pond. As long as I’m happy, HAVE AT IT!!! lolololololol

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
10:39 am

Gotca Button

So why do men need to be creative and try to impress someone that may not be what they seem?

Button

January 28th, 2013
10:44 am

maybe she’s his freaky lil fantasy Single.
or she’s exhibiting a fetish he wants to indulge in.

disco

January 28th, 2013
10:47 am

s/h – I do tend to over think. I own that. still doesn’t take away from the fact that I think it’s just a sorry, janky, tacky line. I reserve the right to shun the guy who thinks he’s getting in with a lame one like that. lol. really. he’d do better off to just take it back to “hi”.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
10:48 am

Button, HUH??

Button

January 28th, 2013
10:55 am

lol oh nothing, it’s monday please excuse me Single
I was making an attempt to answer your question but i got flustered.

Leggs

January 28th, 2013
10:56 am

I’m at a point in life where I could care less if you dated an ex of mine. If you find a treasure where I didn’t, go for it.

disco ~ pick up lines at the grocery store are very common. If you want humor, pay attention to the ones commenting on your items at the cashier.

O/T: Leroy “Sugarfoot” Bonner, front man for the hit-making funk music band the Ohio Players, has died in southwest Ohio. He was 69. R.I.P

disco

January 28th, 2013
10:59 am

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
11:02 am

Leggs, awww girl, Love the OHIO Players.

Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!

January 28th, 2013
11:07 am

I just told our receptionist about Sugarfoot…she used to run around with that band and party with them. Sad…

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
11:10 am

bluz did you make to fat matts, I went buy and go me a sandwich, man it was good :-)

Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!

January 28th, 2013
11:13 am

I did go to Fat Matt’s. Boy, were the ribs yummy!!! I even got to go in the kitchen and have cake with the owner that night…

What time did you go there (if you really went)? ;-)

Leggs

January 28th, 2013
11:14 am

Loved, loved The Ohio Players. Still looking for that man to lick honey off my body. Whew, I’m cracking up. Seriously, ever since that album came out (which some thought I posed for way back when…still laughing), I’ve been waiting to pour honey all over my body and have it slurped off. Two that I wanted to do it, professed to be allergic to honey. Oh well…

Hey disco! What’s cooking, sugar!

Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!

January 28th, 2013
11:14 am

And…surprise, surprise, but Mags forgot to give me gas money and is now ignoring my texts. No skin off my back…

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
11:18 am

Bluz Around 7:30, don’t you start (LOL)

Leggs, you mean you never had a man do that (oh the memories) (LOL)

kimmie

January 28th, 2013
11:19 am

Morning Gang!!

Hey Disco!! I understand how certain lines can irritate, and that is one of them. My “favorite” irritation is “Smile!” I absoulutely hate that!! I have a tendency to look serious anyway, especially when I have something on my mind. Usually I am minding my own business, thinking about what I’m going to do or where I have to go and some dude will see me & think I’m mean-mugging and say “Smile!” or “Why you looking so mean?”!! How about it’s none of your business? That’s why I like it when I have on my shades, no one can see my eyes so they don’t bother me!!

On topic: – Haven’t had this “issue” since college days or right after. At this point, anyone of my friends is welcome to any of my exes, I really don’t care. I don’t think any of them would have them, but stranger things have happened. And I sure don’t want any of my friend’s exes either!!

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
11:22 am

So ladies, are the lines as irritating when the eye candy is desirable?

Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!

January 28th, 2013
11:22 am

S/H – I was there…why didn’t you try to find me? I was sitting at the very front table with the band (they may have still been setting up at that point). If I ever do get to meet you in person, I’m gonna have to get you for not coming to say hi! :-)

disco

January 28th, 2013
11:23 am

hey kimmie!!! I knew I could count on you for understanding. I get that “smile” one a lot too. dudes talking about “it can’t be that bad”. they just don’t know I feel like ripping their adams’ apple out when they go there. they really need to learn to stay in their own lane.

abc

January 28th, 2013
11:27 am

If a friend of mine took up with one of my exes, they’d no longer be a friend of mine, any more than the exes are. ‘Course, it wouldn’t be that difficult to cut them loose — guys like me don’t really form much attachment to other men. They’re just guys. I think that’s a contemporary trend: the older a man gets, the less interested he is in having friends.

Single & Happy

January 28th, 2013
11:28 am

Bluz, when I was there, there was group of Asians at one table, a group of guys at the other table, there was only one guy on stage looked like he may have been setting up some drums, only I didn’t see any.
No gas money, (wow didn’t see that one coming) LMAO

Leggs

January 28th, 2013
11:29 am

Single ~ I sadly say “it hasn’t happened” YET….

kimmie/disco ~ count me in on that “smile” issue. It’s really is irritating, because if you look around, most shopping by themselves are not walking around with a smile permanently planted. Find another opening fellas because you might get that fake pearly white smile immediately followed by a smirk.

abc

January 28th, 2013
11:29 am

Ohio Players! That’s a blast from the past. She’s a bad bad missus, in her skin tight britches, runnin folks into ditches, bustin out the stitches, yaowl… Skin Tight!

kimmie

January 28th, 2013
11:32 am

Disco – I will never forget one particular time a guy did that Smile thing. I had just come from the hospital visiting my mom and had gotten some bad news. I had to go to a class downtown and had obviously been crying. This dude says that “Smile, why you looking so mean?” ish to me. I told him ” I just found out my mom had cancer, is that a good enough reason?” He was not expecting that at all, and I just left him there sputtering!!!

Dudes always thinking ish is about them or concerning them! At that point, a single Denzel could have walked up and wouldn’t have cared.

disco

January 28th, 2013
11:33 am

S/H – yep. I don’t deny that often eye candy gets a pass but those lines bother me enough to revoke the pass. I hear them and I just cringe. uggh.

abc

January 28th, 2013
11:36 am

I find that if I have a generally pleasant expression, mostly wearing a smile, that I get that in return from pretty much everyone I encounter. It’s a natural reaction. I presume that with they men prompting you to smile, you hadn’t noticed them prior to their speaking up, hence no reaction. It’s almost a comedy scene in my head:

abc: Smile, kimmie!

kimmie: WTF and who the heyall are you?! This IS a smile, bama!

Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!

January 28th, 2013
11:36 am

S/H – Hmmm…I was probably with the table of the guys up front…no telling where I was at the time you came in. I know the line was short at that time, so you were probably in and out. Heck…I may have been outside and we passed right by each other! LOL!

Yeah…I’m not that surprised about no gas money…I wish I hadn’t forgotten to ask at the end of the night, but I had several beers while there and it slipped my mind. It’s just a shame that he’s a grown a$$ man who now won’t text me back because I asked him to drop off money Sat night on his way out. Makes me wonder how he has any friends if he treats them all the same way…