Stay away from my ex, dude
With so many people in this city, you would think that dating your friend’s ex would not happen often. Apparently, that whole birds of a feather can really backfire sometimes, no? A circle of friends will at some point have to face the dilemma of whether or not to pursue someone that has already dated a mutual friend.
What is the protocol, though? The older we get, shouldn’t we be able to be adult about this kind of thing? Would you really stand in the way of true love because you want to be territorial with your exes?
Do you believe that someone who has dated one of your close friends is off-limits to you? What would you do if a friend came to you and expressed an interest in someone you once married, dated, or hooked up with?
Should you ask for and get permission from your friend before you proceed?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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167 comments Add your comment
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:56 pm
Single – Then I guess she was “keeping hope alive”!LOL!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:57 pm
Du, I’m forthcoming, and don’t have blue balls, If one won’t another one will. And they always think the coochie can change a man’s mind (LOL)
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
2:00 pm
kimmie ~ guess it’s every where. There’s a black woman here who only speaks to the white people. It’s astonishing to watch. I never learned how to blow smoke up one’s ass, but watching her makes me laugh!! Poor thing.
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
2:10 pm
Leggs – This convo I’m having with Single reminds me of the Bert Show from Friday & today, the “Closure Call”. Did you hear it?
To recap, this chick called in Friday to say she had been dating a guy that was engaged for about a year. He broke it off with her, and implied it was to do right by his fiance and marry her. She finds out he actually broke it off around the same time he broke it off with her. That set her off! She said she knew what she was getting into dealing with him and could deal with him leaving her and going on with his marriage plans. She implied it was like he gave her the impression if it wasn’t for his obligation he felt to the fiance, they would still be together. But to find out he broke it off with her too made her mad and she wanted an explanation. Folks were calling in saying since she was the “side piece” she did not have the right to an explanation! Today dude called in and said he was surprised she was tripping like she was. He said he was up front the whole time and all he wanted from her was the sex. He said he & the former fiance had other issues and he didn’t break up with both of them to see someone else. He said even if the fiance had not been in the picture, he would never have dated her and taken her as serious. He said it was physical with her, maybe a friendship, and nothing more!
I had to go into work, so I missed her reaction & the callers!!
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
2:12 pm
Leggs – Hubs coworker is kind of like that, since the big dogs there are white!
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
2:18 pm
Single – It’s easy to find someone to buy what you’re selling, just don’t trip on those that don’t want to fall for it. If you’re getting what you want out the deal, I still wonder why it irritates you when women ask the questions, whether they have to or not, whatever you’re said to them.
disco
January 28th, 2013
2:19 pm
s/h – re that 1:06. the random stranger on the street is one thing. the co-worker that you speak to every morning who looks at you like you aren’t worthy of a reply is something else. the child who is sitting at your breakfast table eating your food is something else. see where I’m going with this? lol.
celisea – the alofts I’ve visited are nice enough though the rooms can be small. bright side is they tend to have a very cool open guest area with bar, pool tables, happy hours etc.
I’m still catching up.
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
2:21 pm
Guess I’m lurking (and tripping….lol) huh?
disco – Thanks! My coworker in that city said nay but my friend that lives there said it’s pretty cool. Okay, thanks again. I’m booked there for a couple of days. My manager was sending me there for 4 days…ummm NOT! After a couple of days, I get irritated (if traveling alone) and want to come home. I’m going boo-less on this trip….lol I want to get some time in with friends there. I have 3 dinner/lunch dates
Not “date” date, but date as in catching up 
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
2:27 pm
Alright I’m out of here for real. I think Imma wrap things up and take it in. I’ve been fighting a migraine (thanks to Aunt Flow). Wanna take meds and lay down before hitting the gym later
Good day folks…thanks disco….glad someone can vouch that’s actually stayed there.
disco
January 28th, 2013
2:30 pm
s/h – re women initiating and playing themselves. I’ll give it to you that a lot of women think they got that “whip appeal” but I’ll also go out on a limb and a lot of women are just going for theirs. sometimes fellas it ain’t even really about you.
dushawn – like I just said to s/h don’t be surprised. be real. I’m just looking for some azz. she might just be trying to give up some. she might not even like you like all that. I know most of the blog chicks represent the emotional, strings attached female but I’m just reminding y’all that every woman ain’t trying to be in love with y’all’s behinds.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
2:30 pm
Disco, the stranger on the street and the co-worker are one and the same for me, they’re insignificant in my life, I’m at work for a paycheck, not so socialize. If my child didn’t speak, my first concern is what’s going on that you’re not speaking, not the fact that it’s rude not to speak.
Kimmie, what am I selling? I’ve meet women that thing because they’re single and I’m single we should be together, and when the find out I’ve never been married then come the why not, and why I need to want to get married.
disco
January 28th, 2013
2:35 pm
celisea – you might be glad to be boo-less when you see the size of the rooms. lol. they are very well appointed and have nice finishes and upgrades but they are just designed to be space savers.
s/h – I’m like kimmie. hush. while I get your point at the end of the day you get mine too. lol. when I first started this job there was a group that would not speak to me. didn’t take me long to recognize it and didn’t take me long to stop speaking to them either. I’m all for being polite but I’m sure not going to waste my polite on somebody who doesn’t deserve. that’s what stank is for. lol.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
2:38 pm
Disco, have know problem with women getting theirs, I know those too (LOL) but have only meet one that could keep that way. I’ve been cut off plenty of times because they decided they wanted more, and I didn’t ( you can’t change the rules in the middle of the game) (LOL)
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
2:43 pm
Single – Hey, maybe you need to come up with a snappy comeback when folks ask why you never married. You said you didn’t care what others think, so why do you care that these women think you should be with them because both are single?
What you say you are dealing with with the questions, I got the same when I was single, especially marrying later than most. People are just like that when you are not following society’s status quo, married with x number of kids by a certain age. And I don’t care what they say – unless they are truly like Disco said earlier – out to get theirs- I think feelings are bound to get involved when sex is involved with the majority of women. Women are just built that way. You can make your deposit and say see ya and not even think about it, but not with most women. So you should not be surprised or irritated by the questions these women ask you.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
2:53 pm
Kimmie didn’t say I care, when I get irritated, that’s when I know it’s time to move on. I don’t have a problem with snappy comebacks, got plenty of them. Everyone love to tell me I have a smart mouth, my reply is, Okay!! Those questions that you get asked, I would never ask anybody because I know everyone is different.
DuShawn
January 28th, 2013
2:55 pm
@disco & S/H…”I’m just looking for some azz”…… That degree of honesty, although commendable, works much better in theory than practice. If you let a female know that off rip, your chances of success are reduces tremendously. For every 1 that respects your honesty and is on the same page,10 will tell you to get the hell on. In the past, I wouldn’t have the patience. I would rather omit the truth and hit them all.
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
2:55 pm
Disco – My thing is, dudes complain about “women” being “women”, the strings attached kind that the majority do seem to fall into. But would they really like it if most women acted and thought like men? That most they came in contact with could just Wham, thank you Sir, and be done with it, not look back? Men and women are different for a reason, I think, it’s just natural. I don’t know.
DuShawn
January 28th, 2013
2:58 pm
Like Big Mama used to tell me, “Somtimes what you don’t say, Says it all.” I don’t have to tell a chick, all i want is some azz……she will figure it out…eventually.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
January 28th, 2013
2:59 pm
“I know most of the blog chicks represent the emotional, strings attached female but I’m just reminding y’all that every woman ain’t trying to be in love with y’all’s behinds.”
You are all the way down with me……:)
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
3:01 pm
Those questions that you get asked, I would never ask anybody because I know everyone is different.
Single – I wish everyone would realize that, that everyone is different. It doesn’t mean one is crazy or something is wrong with them because they didn’t marry by x age or do things the way people expect.
I’ll never forget right after I got engaged, a few folks asked me “what would you have done if he had not proposed?” I thought it was a stupid question, and being the respectful person I am I did not answer the way I wanted which was “I would have kept the hell on living”!!!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
3:03 pm
Dushawn, that’s just it, I’m not looking for azz, I’m not looking for anything what ever happens, happens, and if it doesn’t oh well. If just become friends and hang out every once and awhile that’s okay with me.
DuShawn
January 28th, 2013
3:04 pm
Back in the day, If a female ask if I wanted a serious relationship, My response would be along the lines of ; “Baby, that puddy and neck would have to be sho nuff fiya for me to even consider somthing like that. If Imma commit, i’m all in. But I gotta be sure about what I’m gettin into….ya dig”.
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
3:05 pm
Speaking about honesty: I was at a bday party this past Saturday. This guy kept watching me, then finally came up to me and said hello. He was wearing the “thug” uniform. I asked his age and he told me he was 28. I knew he was young. Then I asked if he had children. He has 3, 2 baby mamas and he’s living at home with Mama for a spell. I was honest with him. I told him he was attractive, one baby mama is too much for me, you’re still living at home Mama, his appearance is a turnoff and all I could do with him was used him as my boy toy! He immediately started smiling, but then frowned when I then said, his body order hampered me from considering him for the position of boy toy. I blame my honesty on 2 shots of Fireball Cinnamon Wiskey. Naw, that was me talking (lol).
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
3:10 pm
Dang Leggs!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
3:11 pm
body order? what you couldn’t see an outline to make it worth your while (LMAO)
disco
January 28th, 2013
3:13 pm
dushawn – this is why most women assume that all men want is the azz even as most men are going on and on about how it’s not all about the azz (when it really is). we ain’t even hearing all the lies coming out of your mouth. we know the deal. this is why very few men have as much talk game as they like to believe. y’all know that we know long before y’all do whether or not you can get some.
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
3:14 pm
odor…odor!
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
3:15 pm
You’re on the mark, disco!!!
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
3:15 pm
You got baggage AND you STANK!!
Bad combo, but somebody will be fool enough to go along and even be baby mama number 3!!LOL!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
3:16 pm
disco, if you had a friend that hung out with you, and that’s all never mentioned anything about something more, would you still think it’s all about the azz
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
3:16 pm
Disco – Right On!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
3:17 pm
Kimmie, all he needs is a good woman, and he’ll change (LMAO)
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
3:19 pm
Single – I know you asked Disco, but here goes
Yeah, I would think he might bat for the other team, thus still making it about the azz!!LOL!!!
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
3:19 pm
He’s 28, you’re right, baby mama #3 is probably on the horizon. You come to a party, even if you live in the neighborhood, wash your stank behind! Guess B.O is akin to bad breath – everyone else can smell it but the host of the smell!
disco
January 28th, 2013
3:21 pm
kimmie – I won’t even make him gay. I’ll just make him that guy who doesn’t mind waiting around hoping to luck up on some azz. let’s face it. guys wait for you to get lonely enough, bored enough, desperate enough, fed up enough, hurt enough, whatever the case may be so they can luck up on some.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
3:23 pm
Kimmie why he got to be batting for the other team,(LOL) he just might like the fact that since there are no expectations, he doesn’t have to worry about trying to impress.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
3:24 pm
Damn disco, read me like a book (lmao)
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 28th, 2013
3:27 pm
y’all know that we know long before y’all do whether or not you can get some.
True…
He has 3, 2 baby mamas and he’s living at home with Mama for a spell.
That alone would’ve gotten his dismissed…AND he had the nerve to be all musty,too…no,no and no…
Dirty Bird for life!
January 28th, 2013
3:28 pm
Disco I know it only been 3 hours since we met, Can we get together for some?
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 28th, 2013
3:28 pm
*him*
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
January 28th, 2013
3:30 pm
disco, I understand that some guys are willing to play the waiting game….. Under the right circumstances, its worth a try, but contrary to what women believe, there are times when dudes just kicking it with you just to be kicking it with you…….Now don’t get it twisted, if you swing by and offer up the goods you will get got, but it can’t always be about sexin cause sometimes have a femal ear to bounce game intended for someone else is more valuable…..
disco
January 28th, 2013
3:34 pm
courtside – I’m not saying males and females can’t be friends which is what I think you were alluding at. still you killed your own statement. if that male friend is willing to screw that female friend under a particular set of circumstances then old boy is simply waiting in the cut for opportunity.
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
3:42 pm
Single –
That would seriously get on my nerves though after a point if he was straight. If we hang out more than a few times you either need to be one of my girlfriends, gay or my man. All that hanging around lurking would get on my nerves1
Dirty Bird for life!
January 28th, 2013
3:57 pm
Women of blog land do not put everything in a box. We are not lurking in wait for the panties, if you are kool we can hang, but if you decide after a few drinks you want to knock dem boots then its batter up time….
DuShawn
January 28th, 2013
3:57 pm
As grown folks, we all know that sex is not the destination, but its part of the journey. As long as we are headed in that direction, I really don’t care if it’s the first stop or the last.
@disco & court- I agree with both of you regarding male/female friendships. For most men it takes years before the friendship is more valued than the puddy. I have a female friend that has been down with me since the 5th grade. Only recently have I concluded, “I wouldn’t take it now if she gave it to me.”
disco
January 28th, 2013
4:01 pm
dushawn – and I think that has more to do with your fear of your wife than anything else. lol. I kid, I kid.
dirty bird – and what you said is indeed lurking in wait. it may not be your intention going in but it’s still what you are doing. why y’all don’t want to own that one? does it make y’all feel soft or something? lol.
Jira
January 28th, 2013
4:10 pm
And they always think the coochie can change a man’s mind (LOL)
This made me laugh. It really did.
Believe whatever you’d like but history has shown us time and time again, going without “it” is simply not an option for you guys. At all.
So on the contrary – it has, still does and always will change a man’s mind about something. Just depends on the circumstance. There’s only so long any straight man can go without it. So what if one says no. They’re determined to find the one who will. Don’t get me wrong – I am not here to put emphasis on whether it’s right or wrong. That would be somewhat juvenile IMHO. But it appears the average to the most powerful of men have been vexed by it at some time or another.
So whenever I hear a man scoff at the very notion with regards to that hidden jewel a woman holds between her leggs is of very little value or influence, I find it kind of cute that he’s even trying to convince himself otherwise.
And now to make matters more interesting, we now have men who are undergoing surgery just to have their very own. I’m actually quite amazed some idiot has not patented some hair-brain scheme and figured out how to fit them in jars by now.
R.I.P Sugarfoot Bonner (loved the emphasis on “yaowl…” LoL)
Dirty Bird for life!
January 28th, 2013
4:11 pm
@Disco if you are friends and you come over with high heels on, jeans that acentuate all those curves on your body my intentions will change from kicking it to I’m gonna have to disco tonight..
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
4:12 pm
Jira – Right On!!!
James
January 28th, 2013
4:13 pm
Never had a problem with friends dating exes, now if my neighbors would only keep theirs brats out of my pool during the summer season we would be doing good.