Stay away from my ex, dude
With so many people in this city, you would think that dating your friend’s ex would not happen often. Apparently, that whole birds of a feather can really backfire sometimes, no? A circle of friends will at some point have to face the dilemma of whether or not to pursue someone that has already dated a mutual friend.
What is the protocol, though? The older we get, shouldn’t we be able to be adult about this kind of thing? Would you really stand in the way of true love because you want to be territorial with your exes?
Do you believe that someone who has dated one of your close friends is off-limits to you? What would you do if a friend came to you and expressed an interest in someone you once married, dated, or hooked up with?
Should you ask for and get permission from your friend before you proceed?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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167 comments Add your comment
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
11:46 am
Bluz, you’re supposed to get the gas money up front! (LOL)
Kimmie, it’s not just guys, it’s people in general. It’s like saying good morning, most people think it’s rude not to respond. Most think everything is about them.
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
11:48 am
abc –
I agree, while I don’t go around with a grin plastered on my face, I will smile when encountering others, or have a pleasant demeanor. But these dudes seem to catch me when I am engrossed in whatever it is I am doing or thinking about. I may be looking in their direction, but don’t even see them. I’m like “huh??!!”
disco
January 28th, 2013
11:51 am
kimmie – speaking of cancer. how come a friend calls me yesterday going on and on about his medical issues essentially leading up to he might have cancer. he’s been to umpteen appointments and this and that specialist and what have you. think he’ll know something definite later this week. thing is, he told me that I’m the first person he’s sharing this with. I’m thinking to myself “dude you’ve got a wife, adult children, siblings, the whole 9 and you are calling me”. I wanted to call him on it but opted not too. I’m thinking his logic is he doesn’t want to worry them yet. still, I don’t know that I appreciate being the sounding board. we cool and all but…
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
11:56 am
Single – And I don’t even have a problem with a solid greeting like Good Morning or Hello. The “Smile” thing is an obvious flirt attempt and usually when the last thing I’m thinking about is flirting. That’s what makes it irritating.
Like I said before, I do have a tendency to look serious on the regular when I have something on my mind. I’ve had folks tell me they have seen me out and I looked mean. Those that know me know that’s just how I look when I am concentrating.
Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound
January 28th, 2013
12:03 pm
S/H – Lesson learned…He was running really late, so no time to get gas beforehand. Also, I don’t think he had any money until after he performed and got paid…
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
12:06 pm
Kimmie, I do understand the serious look, I used to be like that, but since I stopped giving a damn what the rest of the world thinks, I smile a little more (LOL)
Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!
January 28th, 2013
12:13 pm
Speaking about the not responding to “Good morning” issue…my boss is extremely annoying and walks in and loudly says “good morning.” If no one responds, she’ll say it again to make someone respond. I’m not a morning person at all and I’m not about to shout good morning back to her all the way across the office…
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
12:21 pm
disco – Face it, there is just something about you that people want to tell you everything. There must be something comforting about you!
Single – I feel ya!LOL!!!
Mike P
January 28th, 2013
12:21 pm
You women are a trip sometimes. if only you all knew. boy I tell ya.
Shoot what I find irritating is when women ask, Are you seeing anybody? Are you married? single? married? why aren’t you married? Why won’t you talk to me?? talk about irritating, man LoL haha
Good Afternoon good folks
disco
January 28th, 2013
12:26 pm
kimmie – I guess so.
mike p – if only we knew? knew what? please enlighten me.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
12:27 pm
Mike P, that’s why I tell them I’m single & happy (LOL)
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
12:30 pm
Hey Mike P
Disco – I guess he doesn’t like women doing the approaching. He only likes them to speak when spoken to, and don’t ask him any questions!LOL!!
Robert
January 28th, 2013
12:35 pm
Speaking of pick-up lines in the grocery store, this one is my favorite. This year my goal is to loss weight, excercise and eat the right foods. I love the fresh fruits and vegetables section and I spend alot of time selecting my items. Last week I was picking through the greens only putting in my bag good leaves. While I was picking my greens a woman was waiting patiently to pick her greens next. I realized that it would be a while before I was finished so I moved over and told her she could pick her greens to. I asked her “what kind of greens do you prefer…Collard, Kale or Mustard or both?….What kind of meat do you use to season your greens with…Pork or Turkey?”…She smiled. I guess no man has ever asked her how to cook real food like greens before. She happily shared her secret recipe. I love an old fashion southern girl who can cook and does not mind telling a gentleman her secrets. Just by being polite she made a new friend with no strings attached.
Just because a guy asked you for cooking advice or compliments your choices does not mean he is not serious.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
12:35 pm
Kimmie Disco, For me most of the women I meet are on a mission, and since i’m “eligible” I should be on the same mission! and it should be with them, yes it does get irritating. Why can’t we just see where things go while getting to know each other.
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
12:36 pm
I’m one of those who think it’s rude to not say good morning with the person is right in front of you and you ignore the greeting. That’s just me. I had to tell my boss about it. He responds now or says it first. Not saying you have to say it, but if one greets, don’t act like you’re suddenly deaf. That’s insulting.
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
12:38 pm
Good afternoon, Mike P (lol)!
Bluzgirl...soon to be Memphis bound!
January 28th, 2013
12:39 pm
I will absolutely say good morning to someone who is right in front of me, but when my boss is hollering across the office to everyone, I don’t feel the need to respond…
Anyway…I’m out of here for doctor appointments. I’ll probably check in on my phone while I sit in the waiting rooms!!!
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
12:41 pm
Mike, you’re irritate if a woman asks if you’re seeing anybody, are you married or single. – Women should be asking that.
Now, to get a question of “why won’t you talk to me” from a possible prospect is something else. If you don’t want anyone asking you questions, date yourself! Keep it simple!!!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
12:42 pm
Leggs, when someone, demands a response, they don’t usually like the response I give, (you greet your way, I’ll greet mine) LOL
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
12:49 pm
Saying good morning means having manners. I say good morning to EVERYBODY I pass,that catches my eye, or I theirs. It’s only polite and it’s free
Dirty Bird for life!
January 28th, 2013
12:51 pm
I say date on and do whatever floats your boat…
@Disco what’s for dinner tonight….lol
@Bluzgirl ….I have $25 dollars on the gas… Now what!
@Celisa you are still my all time favorite…. Brickhouse!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
12:54 pm
Every morning is not a good morning for everybody, so to expect someone to say it just because you think they should, do you really care about their morning?
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
12:56 pm
Saying good morning means having manners. I say good morning to EVERYBODY I pass,that catches my eye, or I theirs. It’s only polite and it’s free – My exact point. I don’t demand anything, just wished more used manners!
disco
January 28th, 2013
1:00 pm
s/h – they don’t have to respond with “good morning”. they can simply say morning or hey or just give a freaking head nod but I do expect to be greeted in return. now if it’s a general good morning said while stepping on an elevator or something I’ll ignore it if everyone on the elevator lacks home training. lol. if I say good morning directly to an individual and they don’t respond I might talk about them. lol. I’m with celisea – that’s just manners. now we can stop at good morning. we don’t have to go all into “how you doing”. that right there might not be any of your business. lol.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:02 pm
So Leggs, as in Kimmie’s case, with the smile after finding out her mother had cancer. Had the guy said good morning then it would have been bad manners for not to say it back? Do you really care if these people are having a good morning, when they don’t speak back do you take the time to ask them if everything is alright? Or do you just think of them as rude and keep on going?
Dirty Bird for life!
January 28th, 2013
1:03 pm
Good Afternoon! That is called having a great attitude…. Keep up the good work, although those around may not recognize your approach to the morning bring positive vibes to the office.
Oh yes it does!
Sitting on the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away…
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:06 pm
Single – While I don’t think a person should be pushy about it, nobody wants to waste their time. Wating around forever while somebody makes up their mind is for teenagers. I don’t see anything wrong with finding out what the other is looking for. If I’m looking for something substantial, someone I can get to know and possibly build a life and a future with, I want to know if you’re open to that. If you’re just out having fun and don’t see yourself commiting to anything long term, what’s wrong with making that known too? That all should be part of the “getting to know, see where this is going” thing, at least for me it was when I was single. I’m not sharing my body with someone who just has me as part of a rotation. I’m sure a lot of the women, probably the ones you come across, might fell that way as well. Sure, it may suck for you, but who wants to get played?
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:06 pm
Disco, you never know what’s going on in someone else’s world, sometimes you are insignificant to them, the really don’t see you, so to let it get to you because they don’t speak, Is it really that important, I guess part of my I don’t give a damn attitude is there is nothing anyone can do to spoil my day, speak don’t speak, I don’t care cause I’m going to be alright
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
1:08 pm
Dirty Bird – You made me laugh.
I was in line getting lunch and a girl complimented me on my hair. Nothing grand, I just stuck it up there cause that’s the mood I was in. So we start to chit chat and she asked for my stylists number. Sooo, we further chat and I’m telling her how getting older, the texture of my hair has changed. I dropped my age and her mouth dropped
She said, “I thought you was my age!” I asked how old she was. Now, I’m proud of my age and as I ALWAYS say, LOVING the place I’m in. No babies, I can buy stuff, I can chill and do nothing or I can hang out….so forth and so on, but she just made my day. I was looking in the mirror at my lines the other day….lololol I didn’t feel no kind of way cause y’all know black women tend to age very well. Not saying we have the patent, but it’s just a fact. Also, she confirmed for me, no “Jacob” on their floor. Had a dude tell me he had a good friend that worked on that floor….lolololol
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:11 pm
Kimmie for me before I even consider anything long term I have to get to know the real person first. and where did the sharing the body come from?
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
1:14 pm
Sure, it may suck for you, but who wants to get played?
Exactly! I don’t think any person is asking a person to marry them, say day one, but if you aren’t open to the idea (cause you already pretty much know), to discussing what you hope to become of things, IMO that’s got shenanigans stamped all over it. No, you won’t know early on if a person is a good fit, but just knowing your own self, you know whether or not you’re open, truly open or you just want to kick it and don’t want to have to be honest and say that upfront. A person pretty already knows.
I booked my trip for next week. I’m staying at the Alofts. Not sure if I’ll like this place cause it’s ultra trendy and the Ritz nor Omni had vacancies. I was trying to get a spot so I can check in and walk to the building. I ain’t trying take a 30 minute taxi ride…lol A friend of mine that lives there said the place is only 3 years old and is pretty cool
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:17 pm
Single – It’s just a greeting and common courtesy, especially in an office setting. I really don’t give a ish one way or the other, especially with folks I come across with on the street. I’m sure dude didn’t give a flip about my mom, he didn’t know me. But to put it in perspective, its a good morning when you see God woke your behind up for another day on this earth! It is bad manners for someone to not even acknowledge you when you’ve greeted them to their face and you work in the same place!
My hubs told me about this chick that works at his law firm. He has been right up on her and spoken and she won’t even blink an eye. He asked other coworkers and they said she did the same with them, so he said eff it.But of course, she grins all up in the face of those she considers the big dogs! Problem is some of the same folks you dissed on your way up may be the ones you end up working for! So stupid, especially in the type of environment they works in!!
Dirty Bird for life!
January 28th, 2013
1:19 pm
@Celisa… it is a gift…. Also, she is blocking! Women in the ATL do a lot of blocking….
I agree with Mrs. Kimmie tell the women what you want…Look I want to have a good time, go to plays, dinners, vacations etc and oh I want to smack it flip rub it down on the regular….Do me baby!
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:23 pm
for me before I even consider anything long term I have to get to know the real person first. and where did the sharing the body come from?
Single – I would think anyone would want to know the real person before they take things long term. But why waste one’s time with someone that’s not even open to the possibility! As for the body, maybe not with you, but plenty feel dating and “getting to know” automatically includes sex. If you tell me up front you’re “not looking for anything serious”, then I’m not taking you serious and you can forget the cookie.
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:23 pm
Being open to marriage and looking for marriage are 2 different things. When it happens, it happens, and if it never happens. Oh well. For me, more women initiate sex than I do, I guess they think they’re is the shinitz and I’ll be whipped after that (rotflmao) so if they get played, they play themselves!
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
1:24 pm
I told the story before how I sat next to Roger Mosley’s daughter. We were pretty cool. Eventually she quit and moved back home. She told me though, before leaving that she appreciated the fact that I would K.I.R. and helped her during her time here. What struck pretty deep was when she stated she just learned me well enough to NOT speak before noon. While she was kidding, that really reasonated with me. I made an effort from that time on to be cordial at the start of my day. How fair is it for me to be a grumpy booga bear and then when I’m ready to thaw, everybody should be cool talking to me???? It wasn’t easy, but I did it. Now? It’s like a cake walk. My kid says “mama, you talk to EVERYBODY.” I wish somebody would be all black and blue in the morning and then when they thaw out, want to chat it up. Imma be waiting and say, “ummm, kick rocks.” lolololol Imma tell them, you can’t speak or talk in the mornings, well I can’t talk now that you’re ready
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
1:28 pm
If you tell me up front you’re “not looking for anything serious”, then I’m not taking you serious and you can forget the cookie.
ding ding ding ding….and this they already know as well. Which is why they ain’t tryna tell you upfront, they don’t really want a thing…lol Yeah, you tell me you don’t want nothing? You ain’t getting a whiff. IJS
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:31 pm
Leggs – I know for me it takes way more effort to not speak or respond than to just do it, grunt something and keep it moving.!
Whether someone actually “cares” or not really never crosses my mind!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:31 pm
Kimmie you know it’s funny, I couldn’t tell you the people I work with everyday that don’t speak because I don’t care, but I can tell you the ones that speak every time you see them because it’s irritating as hell. Just like if there is someone in the office that’s always got issues and want to talk to them with anyone that will listen, People will go out their way not to speak to them, because they don’t want to hear it. If this chick isn’t speaking, then why are people still speaking to her?
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:33 pm
Single – You being funny, but you know exactly what we’re talking about.
Celisea
January 28th, 2013
1:34 pm
Alright folks, have a good rest of the day, you too Dirty Bird
I just wanted to stick my head in here for a minute, while munching lunch.
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:37 pm
If this chick isn’t speaking, then why are people still speaking to her?
Single – As I said earlier, my hubs said eff speaking to her. Others have done the same. I’m talking when he first started working with the beyotch, cause he didn’t know what was going on.
As for speaking to folks at work, we say hey in the morning and everyone is off to their little cubicles. It really isn’t that serious!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:40 pm
Kimmie I had it happen to me a couple of weeks ago, woman came over to get her some, then after going to tell me she’s meet someone that’s looking for the same thing she’s looking for and wanted to know where we stood, I told her she better go and be with him because I’m looking for the same thing I told her I was looking for in the beginning and that’s nothing right now. So if she felt like she got played, then that’s on her, we all grown folks!
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
1:48 pm
Single ~ if someone is standing in front of me and says good morning to me, I am going to say good morning back. Just another form of hello. Do I care if they have a good morning. Yes! However, I can’t make them have a good morning.
If they don’t speak back do I take the time to ask if they’re ok = Nope. They aren’t obligated to speak back, I just hope that they do. To ignore someone that’s right in front of you is a slur (IMO). To be walking down the hall and someone approaches you coming in the opposite direction and you speak, whether it’s a good morning or a hello and they continue to walk by w/o saying anything is rude. You’re not obligated, but it’s still rude and it exerts so little energy just to be kind!
Leggs
January 28th, 2013
1:50 pm
I know for me it takes way more effort to not speak or respond than to just do it, grunt something and keep it moving.!
Yes indeed!
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:51 pm
Single – Then good for her, she spoke up and asked where you guys stood. You were up front, she was up front, yall grown. That was the problem with me in the past, in my much younger days. I was scared of asking a guy where we stood for fear of scaring him off. Then would get irritated if down the line I found out he couldn’t read my mind and see I wanted something different. I learned to speak up. I also learned that usually guys didn’t change their mind, so if he didn’t want anything serious “right now” he wasn’t going to want it a year or 5 years down the line. Most I’ve learned, if they feel its even a hint of a possiblity he might want more, he’s not going to shoot himself in the foot day one!
But you seem irritated by even the question. Plus, looks like you invite that sort of thing, cause it appears you are all over the place. Didn’t you say you had a lady you were serious with, considering marrying?
DuShawn
January 28th, 2013
1:53 pm
“…….tell me up front you’re “not looking for anything serious”, then I’m not taking you serious and you can forget the cookie.” Why would a guy tell a woman something that, in all likelihood, would diminish his chances of getting some. If men were totally forthcoming about their intentions, all of us would have blue balls. The time for honesty and full disclosure is after you done hit that about 3 or 4 times. That’s when you let her know you are not looking for anything serious. If the subject comes up prior to that, one should creatively utilize the three words that inspire hope…….”If, probably and maybe”
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:54 pm
Leggs – You are right, a slur. Especially in the case of my hubs coworker. It was like, “I don’t waste my breath speaking to you peasants!. If you don’t have “rank” get out of my face!!
Single & Happy
January 28th, 2013
1:55 pm
Kimmie, she didn’t have to speak up, she knew where she stood, not the first time we’ve had the conversation about relationships.
And I’m relationship free again
kimmie
January 28th, 2013
1:55 pm
Dushawn – Hey, at least you’re being real about it!!