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Dating Debate: Are men pickier?

If I had a magic wand that could grant single women something they could use (I decided not to make a dirty joke here. You’re welcome) – it would be the gift of being choosy. That’s right, women who decide to become more selective often have better dating experiences. Don’t argue with me, it’s true!

I realized a long time ago that smart men screen a lot better than some women. I don’t know if it is because women are hard wired to be nurturing and understanding, or at times we just get stuck on stupid. Women are often criticized for having checklists, but if we really adhered to those, would men even get anywhere with women?

Why does it seem harder for women to be pickier than our male counterparts? I have seen dudes dismiss a woman with the incorrect butt-to-waist ratio. Ladies? Oh, we forgive physical imperfections, extra pounds, bad credit, and at times bad hygiene!

But…WHY?

Is it because women watch too many romantic comedies, or read too many romance novels? Why do we buy the books about finding love, listen to random people telling women why they can’t keep a man? Should women just become like men and be more selective?

From your own experiences and observations, who do you think is more pickier – women or men? How does this play out on the dating scene?

Happy Thursday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
8:40 am

Morning Peeps

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
9:19 am

Wow, did I miss the memo about some other entrance? Where is everybody?

disco

January 24th, 2013
9:37 am

hey slim (if you are still here). lol.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
9:38 am

Okay, I’m out. I want no part of this hide-n-seek game lol

MsAtl

January 24th, 2013
9:47 am

Morning Slim! Disco!

An “incorrect” butt to waist ratio is shallow, not picky. I agree: sometimes we are trying to be supportive and sometimes we are simply stuck on stupid. I have heard women complain that there are too few good men. (simmer down, I said I have heard). As a result, some women are willing to accept anything and even share men. I definitely believe that if the complaining women want to raise the caliber of men in the dating pool, we need to be more selective. This means, if he is not up to standard, step! If he does not believe in monogamy and you do, step! If he has a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife and is trying to “holler” at you, step! Demand and command respect and consideration. Oh, and carry yourself up to standard as well.

kimmie

January 24th, 2013
9:50 am

Hey Slim! I don’t know where everyone is either, and this is a decent topic.

Well, here goes:

Are men pickier? Sure are, always have been. Quality men anyway. I don’t know any women that pattern their lives after movies or novels, so lets please put that foolish notion away! Sure, some may read so-called “self-help” books, but I still don’t see too many admitting they pattern their dating habits from them. The few I’ve read were only for entertainment purposes and I laughed thru most of them.

I think more women should be pickier, but beyond that, stop letting others influence their selectiveness! Don’t listen to others when they tell you to “work with” this pile of ish that rolled up and called himself a man cause you are not getting any younger!! And to be honest, I can’t even chalk that up to older single ladies. I started out of college extremely selective and had others tell me I needed to relax my standards. Seems like the minute I did, all H— broke loose for me in my love life! Things didn’t get right until I shut all that mess down and stopped trying to make sugar out of sh–!

Keep your standards/expectations/morals/lists/etc to yourself, single ladies. LIVE your standards instead. Quality attracts quality.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
9:52 am

disco/MsAtl – Oh okay, now I see how it goes. Yall were waiting for me to leave before you came out of hiding. I could’ve sworn I put on deodorant before I left the house :???:

Button

January 24th, 2013
9:53 am

YES, men are picky, well most of them. the ones who are not picky are on catfish!

Button

January 24th, 2013
9:54 am

Yes men are picky, well most of them anyway.

Good day!

Button

January 24th, 2013
9:56 am

I guess the blog monster didn’t eat my comment after all. lol

kimmie

January 24th, 2013
9:56 am

An “incorrect” butt to waist ratio is shallow, not picky

MsAtl – I agree.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 24th, 2013
10:00 am

Morning folks….. Well I think the problems is not that men are more or less picky, but that we are more likely to hold true to what we want….. A guy who is ready to settle down and looking for Miss Right, will in most cases find her in short order based on the things that he is looking for. He does not have to looke for tips in a self hep book, doesn’t need to go to the book store to find and the rules.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
10:05 am

Speaking of women being with men that they have to share, I heard that Tiger Woods wants to get back with his ex-wife. I’m sorry but that boy didn’t just have one little affair. He was sleeping with all of the ladies of the escort world and raw dogging them at that. I don’t want to tell her what to do but that’s waaaaaaay too much for me to swallow as far as rekindling a relationship goes.

DuShawn

January 24th, 2013
10:14 am

Picky!? Morals!? Standards!? What the hell is that?…….. My dating motto has always been 18 to 80, blind, criple or carzy. If she can’t walk drag her.

kimmie

January 24th, 2013
10:23 am

Slim – You heard he wants to get back with her or she wants to get back with him or both? I heard awhile back she was seeing some other multimillionaire.

disco

January 24th, 2013
10:24 am

kimmie / ms atl – I was going to let the fellas have the butt to waist ratio.

dushawn – if I didn’t know better I’d swear I knew you. lol.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 24th, 2013
10:26 am

I don’t want to tell her what to do but that’s waaaaaaay too much for me to swallow as far as rekindling a relationship goes.

Okay?!…waaaaaaaay too much indeed.

Bluzgirl

January 24th, 2013
10:29 am

I don’t know about men being more picky…us women tend to just put up with more isht. At least, that seems to be the case with me and my friends. In my last few relationships, I have learned more an more about what I will no longer put up with (especially the last ex). It amazes me what love will do. For me, I was deaf, dumb, and blind! I put up with things that I would never put with from just a friend. No more of that. So…I don’t know if I’m getting more picky or just smarter!

DuShawn

January 24th, 2013
10:31 am

butt to waist ratio…………My criteria is that the female’s back can not be wider than mine. If your back is bigger than mine….we can not move forward. On another note, ms office new booty is killing this pants suit today….dayum!

disco

January 24th, 2013
10:35 am

bluz – I’m the opposite on that one. I don’t put up with much which, of course, I’m told is part of my problem.

dushawn – re the wide back. I recently stated to someone that a guy cannot weigh less than I do. I know there are some big girls out there that outweigh their men and more power to them but I can’t go out like that.

Button

January 24th, 2013
10:45 am

Well said Courtside

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 24th, 2013
10:49 am

us women tend to just put up with more isht.

No…some not all and that can go both ways. There are plenty of men who stay in relationships longer than they should for various reasons be it children,financial,socio-economic,etc…

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 24th, 2013
10:50 am

Men have to be pickier, we have more to lose.

As stated on this forum many times, men deal with rejection frequently – if not constantly. So to get to the point where you’re emotionally tied to a woman make you all kinds of vulnerable.

Causal dating – easy; “you don’t like me, fine wassup with your friend?”
More than that – much harder to deal with rejection.

And yes, I’ll accept the trope of ‘women love hard’, but a man will take a rejection from something, or someone, he invested in much harder.

Ladies can cry, lose weight, talk to their best friends. Worse case, she goes for the emotional violence of hurting your feelings, cutting you to the core.

Men have substances and guns. Plus, we’re likely to get far more angry and (physically) violent.

disco

January 24th, 2013
10:51 am

re “well said courtside”. well said? maybe but there’s a double standard at play there. most of us know that most any man who is halfway decent (and that can read as average across the board) can settle down any time he is ready. there is no shortage of suitable women available for the picking. even most men admit that the same doesn’t hold true for women.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 24th, 2013
10:52 am

Whats good DuShawn??? Ms. NewBooty killing it huh??? Well I got you one better….. Most of our Outside sales reps were in teh office this morning…We have one, Older ( maybe 50?, blonde former triathlete) stop by my office to say hello…. Sat across from my desk and teh CT had . has me in a daze…. She has been gone for 15 minutes and I keep peeking at the the chair thinking, damn….

DuShawn

January 24th, 2013
10:54 am

-Court- you stoopid!….lol

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 24th, 2013
10:57 am

disco, yeah, we do have the numbers on our side, but we also are under far less pressure, both internal and from society. If a guy is waiting for his perfect woman and he gets to be 40 or so, its all good….If a woman does the same, society ask whats wrong with her??? We do not sweat biological clocks or made up timelines…. Those are the yokes that women hang around thier own necks and they weigh them down nearly all the time…….

Bluzgirl

January 24th, 2013
10:57 am

One of my close friends is going through a terrible break up, where the guy just won’t leave her alone and I’m trying to talk her into filing a restraining order. Anyway…she and I made a vow yesterday to no longer put up with the isht that we have been putting up with. The first sign of disrespect, we need to move on. Getting too old for the games…

MsAtl

January 24th, 2013
10:57 am

Bluz- That’s a fair assessment; I think we do put up with more as a rule/custom/ingrained, beaten in idea handed down from Granny.
Kimmie- I agree re your 9:50.
Slim- You just got started too early before I finished my breakfast, that’s all.
Disco- That’s a no-go on the butt to waist ratio.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 24th, 2013
11:02 am

@Courtside

Society and women puts pressure on guys too.

“Why you not married?” “What wrong with him/you?”

Robert

January 24th, 2013
11:03 am

“who do you think is more pickier – women or men?”

In ATL women out number men by a 10-to-1 ratio. Everywhere I go (work, Church, grocery store, etc.,) I see women I am physically attracted to. As I matured I found myself looking for more than a physical attraction. I need a woman who can satisfy all my needs (spiritually, sexually, financially, good cook, etc.,). Yes, I am more pickier. I will not date a woman who does not have a personal relationship with God. I will not date a woman I am not physically attracted to, does not have her own home and car and is not financially independent. These are my standards.

Leggs

January 24th, 2013
11:03 am

Good morning.

Picky I will remain. I will settle and date someone for the sheer hell of saying I’m dating. I’m not afraid of my own company like some women seem to be. A warm body doesn’t always make for a good night’s sleep.

So, Tiger wants to get back with his ex. I’m not surprised. She would be crazy/foolish to take him back, but if that’s who she wants, it’s her own lumpy bed. Has no bearing on my life.

Keep your standards up and keep respect for self even higher!

Celisea

January 24th, 2013
11:07 am

I can agree that women as a whole tend to deal with bullcrappery, but I’m one that can say definitely NOT ALL OF US. I don’t have the time, stamina, patience or like anybody enough to deal with crap that’s dished. I do feel though that women overall need to decrease their tolerance level.

All that other stuff in sweating a time clock, sweating dudes, blah blah blah, not buying or hearing it. I’m one that loves hard and deep but just like I walked in, I can just as easy walk out or away. I tend to deal with the residual stuff on my own, separate and away from a dude. But again, there’s only been a couple of times that I’ve had to take a hardline. Usually if it’s BS, it’s not getting through the front door :mrgreen:

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
11:09 am

I have learned more an more about what I will no longer put up with (especially the last ex). It amazes me what love will do….So…I don’t know if I’m getting more picky or just smarter!

Bluz – I’m with you on that…it’s like you touch the stove and see that it’s hot. You don’t like that feeling so going forward you make sure you have on oven mitts when hopping back into the kitchen. You’re still cooking but you just want to make sure you do what you can to remain burned free. lol

I’m not into guys with extremely large booties. It’s just doesn’t seem right :lol:

Celisea

January 24th, 2013
11:14 am

I have softened over the years though. If a dudes “comes off” like he’s cool, I’m okay with that. We can dish, chat, talk, jog, hang out, so forth and so on, but if I smell BS, ain’t happening. I use to call folks out. I don’t do that so much, because again, I’ve grown and learned how to approach (calling out) or not. Sometimes if they can’t get a read then often, that suffices in squashing bullcrappery. As long as we’re in a nice, quiet, friendly friend zone, it’s usually all good.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
11:17 am

Leggs/kimmie – Arnold Schwarzenegger wants Maria back as well :lol:

DuShawn

January 24th, 2013
11:21 am

Society and women puts pressure on guys too………..That reminds me of conversation I recently had with one of my potnahs. He’s 45, doing very well financially, no kids, never married. He was recently invited to attend some social function. He told me he bought a few rounds for a group of females he met at the bar. As soon as they discovered his age and that he had no kids or wife, they immediately asked if he was gay. He got insulted. I laughed when he told me, but his position was valid. Why is it that if a man is not a husband by a certain age, the natural assumption of women is that he’s gay?

disco

January 24th, 2013
11:22 am

Courtside – I wasn’t even getting into societal standards. I was just generalizing on men having more and generally better options than women. don’t know if single/happy is here but I’ll go ahead and say I know there are plenty of janky chicks out there. lol.

ms atl – I’m a woman, a very straight woman, and even I am annoyed when a woman has a jacked up butt to waist ratio. some chicks have me straight feeling sorry for them. lol.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 24th, 2013
11:24 am

“I’m not into guys with extremely large booties. It’s just doesn’t seem right”

Not sure why I find this sooooooooo funny!!! LOLOLOLOL

MsAtl

January 24th, 2013
11:27 am

Disco- So you can’t stand it when a chick looks like SpongeBob Squarepants?

Elin & Maria are on their own with that mess. I think both of them need to keep stepping, but that’s just me.

Celisea- I’m with you. I don’t have the time to deal with crap that I have dealt with in the past and have learned from. My tolerance level has dropped.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
11:27 am

DuS – Women get a similar reaction if they are a certain age, attractive, no kids, never married. The question of course isn’t if we are gay or not, but more of Are you CRAZY or what’s wrong with you? I’ve also stated on here before that the question isn’t even DO you have any kids as opposed to Hey how many kids do you have? lol

Celisea

January 24th, 2013
11:32 am

MsAtl – I just love being in this place. It’s always pretty much been my disposition. What time and age has taught me is that I can tell a dude to kick rocks, without getting myself all in a tizzy. Or I learned you can say kick rock without mouthing. That should not translate over into believing thoug, I’m handing out passes…lol I just smile now with my “kick rocks” or I can be nice nasty with it. No point in getting my blood pressue up. Oh, and I can talk crap and be cool as a cucumber. Had to learn how to do that one….lol

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
11:33 am

Court – Do you have a biggum? :lol:

disco

January 24th, 2013
11:34 am

ms atl – not that you said spongebob. I have one friend who declared herself spongebob. she is indeed square, wide and flat on the back end. lol. it just seems like to me that you need a certain amount of body to fill your clothes out proper. when a chick is too thin or her butt is too flat she just doesn’t look good in her clothes (to me). same thing can be said for too much. lol. like old boy said on barbershop “there’s a difference between a woman with a fat azz and a fat azz woman”. does this thinking put me on team shallow? probably. oh and to put it on the fellas – yeah. y’all need to be able to fill your clothes out proper too. can’t stand to see a guy in pants/jeans whatever and his little behind is so thin you can’t even imagine exactly where it is inside the britches. lol.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 24th, 2013
11:44 am

SlimNu…..Naw….LOL….. My ass is just right…. Perfect for allow just the right amount of force when needed! :) :)

DuShawn

January 24th, 2013
11:45 am

For yall ladies with little booties….. I got the diet for you. Eat 5 oz. of French fries, two Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a small bowl of ice cream each night, and then get hit vigorously from the back for about an hour. Within six months you will have an A$$ like Serena…..guaranteed results. Go to the website for testimonials: DuShawn’sDoggystylediet.com

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

January 24th, 2013
11:46 am

LOL…..disco, where are you seeing grown men that ae still wearing “britches” ??????

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 24th, 2013
11:53 am

DuS – It sounds like your diet will only cause excessive cottage cheese thighs… :shock: As some of yall may know, i’m a pretty small framed chick. Anyway, I ran into an ex not too long ago and one of the things he said was damn, has your ass gotten bigger. :lol: I’m getting that old lady spread going on lol

disco

January 24th, 2013
11:54 am

D – don’t have all these women rushing out to make their bellies and muffin tops even bigger. lol. then they will be “booty-do” chicks.

courtside – I just like to say britches. lol.

Celisea

January 24th, 2013
12:11 pm

Off topic (since it’s quiet for a minute): Why oh why did I get some dude on Ruzzle last night to spazz out on me??? :shock: I told him he sounded awwwfully familiar and on some “stalker” type mess….lol Cussing and name calling and ended with “I was just messing with you.” Who does that, on a game board and then with a stranger?? Not to mention, buddy on racked up 77 points for the first round. Seriously??? I know I mentioned here that I was hooked like a crackhead on Ruzzle, but I think Imma change my profile name and keep that under wraps….lololololol Buddy was really tripping.