Ladies! Show a little more skin
I was asked to weigh in on some dating advice that a young lady received from a male friend: dress more provocatively. Now, it’s no secret that men are visual creatures who respond to pretty things. Obviously, women want to be attractive to men, but does the way she dresses – or how little she covers up, make any difference to most men?
I ask because men have approached me fresh off a run, looking a hot mess in sweats and a baseball cap with zero skin showing. How would a change in clothing really impact a person’s chances in attracting someone they actually are interested in?
I am not a fan of changing up who you are or pretending to be something that you are not just to get the attention of someone. If a woman is comfortable dressing conservatively, she should continue to do so. While there is nothing wrong with mixing things up, it is not beneficial to completely switch up your style of dress in hopes of turning a head or two. What happens when you revert back to the style you are more comfortable wearing – the real you – clothes?
Guys, who are you more likely to approach: A scantily clad woman showing all her goodies? Mostly covered up and somewhat classy woman? A totally covered up conservative woman? Do you think it is possible for one woman to embody these at different times?
Would you advise a single woman to show more skin in order to score more dates? Is that a little demeaning or am I being too critical? I would be shocked if anyone ever suggested this idea to a man. Why are women always advised to objectify themselves in order to get men?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
102 comments Add your comment
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
2:07 pm
How old are u and are u biologically functional,sex wise?
@Tancred…
coz we don’t want sexually compromised folks to dupe those who are still virile
Leggs
January 23rd, 2013
2:07 pm
abc
January 23rd, 2013
2:08 pm
Now, I haven’t taken it myself, but my understanding is that Viagra is so you can get it up at all, not so you can keep it up for however long. Am I mistaken about that?
Also, I think that relatively few men are all that focused on trying to make sure she gets hers. Men are going after getting theirs. If chicks go after getting theirs in similar fashion, they will. If they don’t, what, maybe spend more time letting their motors get warm or something.
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
2:09 pm
Legs..are u scared of the Viagra men use or swallow..
Scared of it’s potency on the man when he is with u…that he is going to do 6,7 etc rounds as opposed to 1 or 2?
What’s the fear?
kimmie
January 23rd, 2013
2:10 pm
And as a matter of fact, I’ve heard several men(some on this blog) say it’s usually not the one that showed all the skin that gets taken home to meet mama, or proposed to.
Sassy – That’s why when it comes to clothes and how I fix myself up, I never listen to men. Oh sure, I don’t have a problem if my man says he likes it when I wear my hair in a ponytail or when I rock my red dress. I am happy to oblige. Other than that, I dress for myself and the situation, period. Some love to whine about how they like a woman natural with no makeup or long “natural” hair. Then you see them running down a chick you could nickname Mabelline with a 10-foot weave and wanting to marry her. You can roll up like plain Jane if you want to, but I would not reccomend it if that’s not already your style! I rock what I love and errbody else just has to deal with it!
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
2:11 pm
abc,u trying to calm Leggs?
that’s funny!
abc
January 23rd, 2013
2:12 pm
Hey, the ads say if it lasts 4 or more hours, go to the hospital! Ha.
kimmie
January 23rd, 2013
2:14 pm
Do you, Tancred. The vast majority of normal human beings seek out other human contact. It’s a natural instinct. If everyone were like you, humans would be extinct!
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
2:15 pm
So Kimmie..ur style (premarrigae) wasn’t influenced at ALL by what appealed or looked good to men out there?
Willie Dynamite
January 23rd, 2013
2:17 pm
I think Some Women may get confused when Men say they like natural. IMO, I think the men that say this (me included) mean natural beauty. We tend to exaggerate or over simplify. We really just want a real nice looking woman that doesn’t have to spend hours in the mirror to get that way (exaggeration). Natural beauty does not equate to homely tho. Just my take.
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
2:19 pm
4 or more hours?
that’s real value for money right there!
If she don’t run…
Mark Kerry
January 23rd, 2013
2:23 pm
kimmie @10:35: “I’d rather you mistake me for the CEO than the office entertainment!”
Agree 110%…
Leggs
January 23rd, 2013
2:25 pm
Ex ~ the two men that I know that take Viagra have health issues, diabetes, gout, overweight. I just think to compound that with Viagra and hard stroking, deep thrust, may just give himself a heart attack. Although my concerns are unfounded, that’s what I think of for those two men. I don’t want anyone to stroke out stroking me. Then again, I may be envisioning a young buck when I think of hard stroking/deep thrust. Not sure how “engaged” men over 60 do it, but those 2 scare ME enough not to touch them.
disco
January 23rd, 2013
2:29 pm
leggs – thing is most men over 60 you can’t tell them they still got it like they had it 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago. it’s a rare man that will own that he ain’t hitting it like he used to. lol. I say this because I just had this conversation with a friend who is turning 50. I mentioned that his prime was way behind him and naturally he wasn’t trying to hear that. the only thing that he claimed was that he wasn’t checking for getting some as frequently as he used to though he would not claim any particular performance deficiencies.
Willie Dynamite
January 23rd, 2013
2:29 pm
Blog ladies- question time. I was just having this discussion with the Wifey about the time doing the do. What is the average time you and your mate spend actually doing the do? I mean throw out the foreplay, quickies and marathon sessions.
SlimNu - More of me, less of you
January 23rd, 2013
2:30 pm
Afternoon folks, looks like I haven’t missed much since you all are barely on page 2….
Gotta catch up
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
2:46 pm
Leggs…those 2 men must have their self esteem real low for whatever reason coz the logical thing to do…unless the woman is his wife,is to just pop the pill unbeknown to her then get heavy….
I don’t get why they disclose to u…
but…what do I know..
@Disco….the taste of the puddy is in the eating!
Even at 50, a dude with game will hit u like a 30 some..even with the aid of a good Chinese pill..and u don’t have to know…it tastes even better trust me…
Now if u just happen to feel that a 50 year won’t quench the thirst..u cougarise.
and
look for a young buck…
kimmie
January 23rd, 2013
2:57 pm
Exiled – To your 2:15, I would be lying if I said it had absolutely none. That’s just not natural or realistic. We all learn before we start dating what appeals to the opposite sex. But my general style is my own, with some of what men like blended in. For example, wearing a tent and looking homely is not appealing to men, but it’s not my style either. It would be uncomfortable and lazy. I like tailored, not tight, clothes that flatter my figure. That’s what I find sexy and most men I come in contact like it too. Now if they want skin-tight, infection-causing clothes, I’m not the one!
Looking good just makes me feel good and it’s contagious!
Willie – I get it, almost instinctively, that that’s what most men desire. I don’t think alot of women get it though and some men don’t know what they are really asking for when they say they like natural. Some women take it to mean not a stitch of make-up or hair care and they come off homely and unkept. The men that “claim” they want completely natural see them and unless they are naturally stunning, would walk right by their homeliness!
A study actually came out recently that said women that wear tasteful makeup and get their hair regularly styled make 40 to 50% more than those that don’t. We live in a VERY visual society.
Exiled!
January 23rd, 2013
3:05 pm
Kimmie….I hear u..
Let me ask uall this….
How many of u were feeling that new Michelle Obama hair look?
I did nor like it.
Now, it looked nice in a black sense..but to me it did not look First Lady like..
It had a street/hood look I didn’t think befits her position.
Your thoughts?
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:14 pm
The thing about aging and intimacy is with aging-experience comes better technique among other factors. In our 20’s and early 30’s the average men and women are going at it like jack-rabbits. Mostly just having sex. Quantity and endurance being the leading factors. As age creeps upon us and we start to settle down expressing our love, sharing ourselves and fulfilling our partner’s need should be what’s going on in the bedroom.
Leggs
January 23rd, 2013
3:17 pm
“I don’t get why they disclose to u…” – Thank you, Ex. That’s my point as well. I don’t understand why they feel the need to disclose. I don’t understand why they don’t see that I’m turned off by talk of Viagra and pumps. I was even asked to come over and he’ll show me the pump. Whether that was his way of getting me over there was irrelevant. The fact that your dignity allows you to want to show me your pump, you keep talking about your pump, leaves a sour taste in my mouth (no pun intended). Where’s the pride. Hide the pump, hide the pump, hide the pump….I could care less about your pump!
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:18 pm
WillieD, that’s a hard question to answer. The time spent is however long it takes for one or both to finish. Considering the mindset, of me mostly, and the intensity of foreplay, for me mostly, the time differs.
And then who’s watching the clock anyway? LOL
But for real it just depends. And seriously, who’s watching the clock?
DuShawn
January 23rd, 2013
3:20 pm
-……average time you and your mate spend actually doing the do?….I average around 100 strokes a session. That could take anywhere from 7 to 23.5 minutes, depending on the rhythm of the stroke. My Wifey calls me blind “D”, because I can never find the hole. She makes me waste 10 to 20 strokes just bussin it open, when she could’ve easily done that for me or at least provided some guidance. She thinks it’s funny. I’m getting old, I don’t have spare strokes. As I have aged, I don’t think my performance has dissipated much. I could still go all night with the right motivation, but my sexual appetite has diminished. Sex is steadily declining on my list of priorities. It was surpassed by money and sleep years ago.
kimmie
January 23rd, 2013
3:21 pm
Exiled – Never street or hood at all!! I don’t like the bangs when she has them brushed straight across the forehead, but when she wears them whispy or swept to the side, they are nice and give her mid-length hair more styling options. I think alot of us have fixed in our heads what one in her position “should” look like and are not used to seeing one modern, fit, statuesque and fashion-forward where she is. Most have been older, drab and frumpy!
MsAtl
January 23rd, 2013
3:23 pm
Willie- I’m not really watching the clock. As long as the quality is there…
Exiled- It’s funny you thought it had a “street/hood” look because I have heard several comments that it looked like an “older white woman hairstyle.” Either way, it’s okay, but I like her other styles better. I don’t think of it in terms of whether it befits her position.
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 23rd, 2013
3:23 pm
I rock what I love and errbody else just has to deal with it!
That’s the jist right there Kimmie…plain and simple.
The men that “claim” they want completely natural see them and unless they are naturally stunning, would walk right by their homeliness!
True…
only thing that he claimed was that he wasn’t checking for getting some as frequently as he used to though he would not claim any particular performance deficiencies.
Of course NOT…his ego wouldn’t allow such an admission.
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:24 pm
DuShawn, you be counting? Seriously? LOL
MsAtl
January 23rd, 2013
3:24 pm
Dushawn- I am just done with you! Blind D? That was funny.
Kimmie- I agree with your 3:21.
Willie Dynamite
January 23rd, 2013
3:25 pm
Ex- I disagree, her hair looked real good to me. I don’t know what in a black sense means but I don’t and didn’t take it as a compliment. She looked and looks daily very first lady like.
Raqi- point taken, wasn’t asking in a time/clock watching sense. My response to Wifey was similar. You can take these 2 in 30 mins or you can get nothing after an hour. Hahaha
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 23rd, 2013
3:26 pm
But for real it just depends. And seriously, who’s watching the clock?
Cosign….
DuShawn
January 23rd, 2013
3:28 pm
Raqi – Thats just a rough estimate. I have actually tried to count before, but could never stay focused long enough to get an accurate total.
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:33 pm
Sassy, LOL.
I promise you if I am watching the clock I am thinking ‘dude will you finish already. Criminal minds will be on it 4 minutes’. LOL Therefore I am not even attempting or looking to “get mine” but merely taking one for the team.
My mind has to be strictly on what I am doing and feeling to make the experience a happy ending for me.
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:34 pm
DuShawn, gotcha. I will say while I have never been even tempted to count his strokes I can tell when it his last few. LOL
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:39 pm
On this “Skin” issue. While some men say they desire and expect it of women, would you want your wife or daughter to dress in less?
Bluzgirl
January 23rd, 2013
3:41 pm
The only time I’ve noticed how long a session was is if it was really quick or really bad!!! Otherwise, it could be 5 minutes to an hour and I probably couldn’t tell!
DuShawn
January 23rd, 2013
3:49 pm
“merely taking one for the team”. ……..that’s funny….reminds me of the other night. I’m rubbin on wifey’s thighs and she talkin bout “No my stomach hurt!” I’m like “oh alright.” look at me, five minutes later, I’m trying again. She says; “Did I not just tell you, I don’t feel well !”….again, I’m like: “oh alright…you want me to get you some Pepto or something.” She messed around and let me rub her stomach and hunch her from the side. Last thing I remember before I bust and passed out was “you better hurry up…and stop shaking me, you bout to make me throw up.” Now that’s taking one for the team……God bless her. (If she ever was to read this blog, she would kill me)
Leggs
January 23rd, 2013
3:49 pm
If you can’t differentiate a quickie (5 mins), from some serious stroking (an hour), something is gravely wrong.
Bluzgirl
January 23rd, 2013
3:53 pm
Leggs – what I mean is…if it’s that good, then 5 minutes can feel like an hour and an hour can feel like 2 hours, etc…I don’t care how long it lasts, as long as it’s good and I feel satisfied!!!
SlimNu - More of me, less of you
January 23rd, 2013
3:53 pm
WillieD – I don’t watch the clock unless old dude has a history of ’short-comings’…..but I think just on a bare average, hump time is probably around the 20 minute mark (minus all the other fluff). But you also have to take into account if you’re strapped up or not. Of course, the time decreases if no ‘barrier’ is there
With no rubber, I would say about 10minutes lol
Leggs
January 23rd, 2013
3:54 pm
I know what you were alluding to in terms of it being good. Had to make fun of the time reference.
Exiled
January 23rd, 2013
3:54 pm
@Willie ..by “in a black sense”, i meant the style is not cosmpolitan..
to me at least
Leggs
January 23rd, 2013
3:59 pm
.by “in a black sense”, i meant the style is not cosmpolitan…
What does that mean? Like cornrows weren’t “cosmopolitan” until Bo Derek wore them??
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
3:59 pm
DuShawn, imma see your nausea and raise you “unexpected doggy style flatulence surprises”.
See these are things real love is made of. LOL
Bluzgirl
January 23rd, 2013
4:01 pm
I’m gonna guess with Mags, at least 20 minutes of pure pleasure!
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
4:04 pm
I remember once I was catching a cold. I kept sniffing during the do. He stopped mid stroke, went to the bathroom, got me a Kleenex, picked back up where he left off. Love.
DuShawn
January 23rd, 2013
4:05 pm
I explained to her the next morning, “Baby, its playoff time, you got to learn to play through the pain”
Willie Dynamite
January 23rd, 2013
4:05 pm
Ex- I get that view but to me it is so narrow minded that I don’t give it much credence.
Raqi- that’s another double standard. Taking one for the team was in your vows, you didn’t read the fine print? Lol. Please believe y’all make up for it in so many other ways.
Raqi
January 23rd, 2013
4:06 pm
I don’t care what anyone says. There are just special moments to be shared and remembered in coupledom.
Those are usually the instances where the one that is just not that into you run for the hills.
Exiled
January 23rd, 2013
4:08 pm
Leggs..cosmopolitan as in the literal(dictionary) meaning….
Exiled
January 23rd, 2013
4:09 pm
oxford dictionary..might i add….