Dating: Have a bad reputation?
I was hanging out solo at RuSan’s eating sushi when a group of gentleman sat at the next booth. I noticed one of the guys as a former coworker, Eric. We spent a few minutes catching up… and semi-flirting.
I couldn’t resist. Eric is extra, extra fine but he is also a well-known “playa” who has acquired quite a bad reputation as a heart breaker. Eric asked me to introduce him to one of my single friends. He could tell by the look of horror on my face that I was apprehensive. Why would I knowingly set up my girls for failure and disappointment?
Eric claimed that he is older and handles his dating relationships with more maturity. That’s great to hear, but what about all the grimy, no good, shady things he did in Atlanta alone!?
Trust me – Atlanta is not that big – people talk, ladies talk – and eventually your reputation precedes you. Not in the good way. If you have committed past romantic crimes, you have to understand when folks won’t take you seriously. Is that fair? Maybe not.
Have you ever had to do damage control for your bad reputation? Do you think it is good to call people up and apologize? Is there anything you can do to redeem yourself?
What would you do if you found out that the person you are dating has a really dreadful dating reputation? Would you treat them differently? Proceed with caution? Dump them to avoid being the next victim? What if they told you they had changed? Would you believe them?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
289 comments Add your comment
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
3:55 pm
get better boo boo… and You must be out there trickin to know such a thing…IJS
I think this blog brings out some of our kindred spirits…lololol These made me LOL’d fo real ro real. At least the laughs helps to past the time
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
3:55 pm
Disco- Of course imma let her stay. I’m blessed to bless others. I was just sharing my thought process. We gonna show her how to turn sh&t into sugar. It’s hard to be around me and wifey without coming up.
disco
January 9th, 2013
3:55 pm
D – while I understand the standards, hopes, expectations, aspirations and all that folks put on their kids, real life is real life. try to encourage your children without teaching them to put down the folks that don’t have the same standards, hopes, expectations, aspirations. that mess can backfire big time. look how frequently college girls kill their babies (or other outrageous foolishness) because they were afraid to let their family down.
kimmie – when my son was younger I sent him home every summer. every fall he had to go through a rigorous detox. lol. it’s all good. that summer time helped him keep some edge.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
3:56 pm
I guess what’s top billing to some is run of the mill to others and vice versa
cosign…..
Yeah, I remember Amazon and PFChangs
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
3:56 pm
DuShawn ~ don’t worry about your girls vernacular changing…that’s fixable. The lessons you and your wife have instilled far outweighs any influence your niece may have.
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 9th, 2013
3:58 pm
I think this blog brings out some of our kindred spirits…
True…
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
3:59 pm
Funny thing on speech and ebonics, I know I grew up being and around nappy head children. I don’t think our grammar was as such it is today but I do remember speaking incorrectly….all the time. Well, (not on the blog cause we all “used” to be family) my folks say I talk “proper” but I don’t get that and I don’t remember when I changed from how we talked as kids to becoming an adult. I do know it’s nothing I’ve ever struggled with once entering the workplace. Also, folks will ask “where are you from.” Yeah, that’s not a big issue. Tackle the other stuff.
disco
January 9th, 2013
4:00 pm
D –I’m talking about family being family, and blood being thicker than water and all that mess but trust, I’ve got hella kin folk that are not welcome to stay in my house because I don’t have time to sit and babysit their thieving behinds. I’ve got some that I just out and out don’t like and don’t trust. wish they would call talking about I’m in town. I’d be like what you telling me for.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:01 pm
Sometimes my brother will call my job and leave a voicemail mimicking me and my speech. I always CARACK up. He also rolls his tongue when talking to me. I guess till mocking me…lol We laugh about it though.
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
4:01 pm
I guess what’s top billing to some is run of the mill to others and vice versa
You got it, SassyMe. Some think Red Lobster is top of the seafood chain and feel privileged to have dinner there…to each their own. You can’t get better if you don’t know better
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
4:02 pm
Disco – Killing babies, how about killing themselves, some of the pressure parents put on kids. But I am also of the belief that alot of this new generation’s parents have erred on the the side of having almost NO EXPECTATIONS or high aspirations for their kids. As long as lil so&so isn’t on drugs, it’s okay they bring home D’s. Nope, don’t pressure to the point of suicide, but don’t let them think they will just slide by in the world either. Nobody is going to coddle or just give you anything in this world.
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:04 pm
Du..but the mom is there..so why shlkd u take the slack..thats aint ur ish unless the mum was not there.
Besides, i take it this way,if the kid messed up by going prego..thats the mum’s fault..dont matter how uall slice it.
I wld urge the mum to reconcile with her blood..daughter..not uall
Dont take her..not ur problem! And there is no urgency coz she aint in the strreets outa lacking her first family….other kin are secondary.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:08 pm
Honestly, I think the young lady should be on her own, making it. No better way to grow up. By the time you bump it, albeit hard (at first), no better way to come into the woman she can potentially become. So what she’s pregnant. Not saying that callously but no better way to really come into your own. If you start out being grown, thinking you know what it means to be grown, do the dang thing and make the best of it. Get on your grind and tough it out. She’ll be sooooo much the better woman for it, will appreciate it down the road and will definitely have something worthy of handing back down to her kid.
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
4:08 pm
-Disco- ‘without teaching them to put down the folks” ……That is something we are very cognizant of. We constantly reiterate to our children “To those that much is given, much is required”. Like their father, they have already acquired the ability to “walk with Kings without sacrificing the common touch”. They too go to the crib every summer and live with their Great grandmother in the heart of Opa Locka. They come back three shades blacker with a bunch of hood stories. Imma guarantee they have two educations.
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
January 9th, 2013
4:10 pm
But I am also of the belief that alot of this new generation’s parents have erred on the the side of having almost NO EXPECTATIONS or high aspirations for their kids
Sadly alot of these parents are kids themselves who didn’t have the best upbringing…so they’re doing what they know which isn’t alot. Granted there are some who aren’t the status quo and really parent their children….just wish there were more doing a good job and not looking to Nanna to raise their children.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:11 pm
Too, by the time she’s consumed with nothing left to do but raise her child, she’ll have very little time for entertaining bullcrappery. And the more she’s too busy for it, the less time she’ll have for tolerating.
Look at me, that’s my mantra huh? lololol
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:13 pm
I think the young lady should be on her own, making it.
Cel..true!
The teachable moment for Dushawn’s kids is to know that their cousin is in the streets on her own, or with her mum, wrking and struggling fo day care..doing two jobs..raising a baby by herself!
not in ur crib…
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:13 pm
just wish there were more doing a good job and not looking to Nanna to raise their children
cosign
disco
January 9th, 2013
4:15 pm
ex – first off she’s grown. she’s not a child and she most definitely isn’t pregnant by her own mother. lol.
C – I’m with you on your stance but I’m also for lending a helping hand. that’s why I said D and the missus need to give old girl a deadline. that way she’s (hopefully) using her time wisely. if not, she and her baby will be figuring out their next steps because eviction day is eviction day.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:18 pm
Mmeello – While that’s a bitter pill to swallow, I totally agree…150% I speak from what I know. You think you know grown, then in a positive way tackle and do the dang thing. I just know for me once my kid came, my outlook and perspective on many many things changed. From what I thought about men and friends and family. Not that any of those weren’t there for me but I had too much pride to lean on folks. So, I toughed it out. I didn’t do “assistance” or lean on the government either. If I didn’t have it, I just didn’t. Just made sure my kid had the bare essentials until I got my comeuppance….by working hard and struggling. I’m not bragging or anything, not even cutting up. I’m just saying doing the dang thing on your own have some many unforeseen inner workings, on your behalf. You can’t see it though until taking that path has caused you to grow and to be able to look back and see how far you’ve grown. Almost like watching a kid grow. You can’t physically but you can over time notice the steps their taking in the growth process. Just know all the stuff you put in while their babies apparently worked, cause next thing you know you look around and their well on their way. Adolescents to teenagers to young adults. Can say when you saw them have their growth spurts but somehow you see the evidence cause last you looked they were babies and now they’re nearly grown.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:19 pm
disco – I see nothing wrong with your 4:15. Give her a window and help get on out there.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:20 pm
excuse my typos…my thoughts were coming too fast…lololol
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:21 pm
D, where did your youngest get the idea that family is supposed to help family?
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:24 pm
first off she’s grown. she’s not a child and she most definitely isn’t pregnant by her own mother
and certainly npt prego fromt Du nor the wife either…so..mom is the one with bad skills….she needs to negotiate with mum to take her back or go to a shelter untill…..
we know Du’s kids or one of them is on probabation already.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:25 pm
Too, once folks get out there and get a taste of being grown and on their own, it’s hard to come back under another adult’s rules and guidelines. Not saying it can’t be done but most grown folks don’t fair well living together. Y’all get what I’m saying. After you’ve moved out (if you lived in a home with curfews and rules and stuff), and you get that first taste of coming in when you want or doing what you want, it’s hard going back to that. My mama asked me if I wanted to come home (when I first moved out and was struggling), I couldn’t say no fast enough….lololol I knew in her house 14 or 24, 20 or 30, it was what it was…
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:27 pm
A grown person gets pregnant, and the parent has bad skills?? wth??
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
4:28 pm
I heard a comedian say” If you are a Grandmother at 33, something went terribly wrong………….twice.
I also believe her presence could be a teachable moment for my girls. Sometimes knowing what not to do is equally as valuable as knowing what to do. Sadly, I don’t think she has a skillset to support herself adequately. She’s gonna have to work, go to some tech school, on line perhaps, and take care of a baby. Furthermore, she has no transportation. At some point, Imma have go buy formula, pampers and take her to doctors appointment. I see it coming.
S/H My kids got that idea from me. I preach that all the time, now they want to see it in practice.
disco
January 9th, 2013
4:30 pm
ex – I’m going to humor you today. why do you want to make this about her momma’s parenting skills? her mother’s parenting skills have very little to do with this. a grown woman getting pregnant is not her mother’s problem. her and her mother had whatever issues they had and her mother put her out. there are some that would say moms was wrong for that and there are others that will say mom is entitled to that. either way makes no never mind. the only thing at issue is that she’s in a place in her life where she needs help. trust me, each and everyone of has been or will be in a place in our life where we need help. even you ex. shoot you needed help earlier with a ride to starbucks. lol. still, what lead to the situation isn’t at issue. the only issue is whether D’s family is willing to help. they are and that’s that. quit trying to pick things apart and talk about somebody’s momma.
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:30 pm
a grown person gets prego….
good…now handle it..
I can tell u..coz i have an 18 year old..if she gets prego..thats her fault but to the outsider,its on me…its my fault, i raised her..and i didnt raise her to be prego at 21 let alone 18…if she does..thats me there….what influences did i let influence her to trhink that way..to be influenced that way…
and no excuses….she will make do…..on the streets..
I think i give good advice tho…
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:31 pm
Well D, I guess it is time to put your words in action!!
You know it’s funny that we say being a grandmother at 33 is a funny, but when people were getting married and having children at 16 why would it be odd to be a grandmother at 33??
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:32 pm
Sadly, I don’t think she has a skillset to support herself adequately. She’s gonna have to work, go to some tech school, on line perhaps, and take care of a baby. Furthermore, she has no transportation. At some point, Imma have go buy formula, pampers and take her to doctors appointment. I see it coming.
I don’t mean to sound heartless but how do you think a bunch of mamas made it? That’s exactly how I (and I’m sure many others) started out. There’s a drive and instinct there for getting where you fit it. If you let her lean to hard, those instincts won’t kick in. It’s called surviving….if you want to have and be something. I see nothing wrong with cultivating but if you do it for her, she’ll never do it. Cultivating sometimes may mean “hard to hear” speeches. I didn’t say throwing things back at her or in her face but speeches where no one owes you a dang thing. You want it? Go get it!!
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:33 pm
her and her mother had whatever issues they had and her mother put her
he mother didnt have clout on her daugher..otherwise if u know better than ur kid, and u have influence over them,they follow..
Thats my mantra!
There Disco
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
4:34 pm
One funny thing……My daughter told me yesterday the girl has posted on her Facebook page “Moving to the ATL to start my life over. Just me and my baby.” I’m like trick, I didn’t say you could stay here yet….Kids…. wow.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:34 pm
My kid is about to turn 18. I have the speech simmering and waiting…lol If she gets herself into it, I’m there to support her all the way through but I will NOT do it for her. Nope, not one drop of it for her. And I mean it. She’ll come into understanding it and being thankful years down the road…if she gets into a situation that is.
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:35 pm
Ex, why do you care what the outsiders think??
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:37 pm
D, since you need to lead by example, show your kids how you help family out, but put a time limit on that help. Help her to help herself.
disco
January 9th, 2013
4:38 pm
Ex – I don’t even know what that last statement of yours meant but I do know I’m of the school “my house, my rules”. I encourage folks all the time to put their grown children out when they aren’t acting right and sometimes even when they are acting right just on GP. I do know that most pregnancies are unplanned (even among married folks). if your daughter gets pregnant before your “approved date” for your daughter to get pregnant, will you love your grandchild any less? as for what folks think about how you raise your kids, what difference does it make? I raised mine amongst much judgment (I’m sure we are all judged on how we raise our kids. we’re too strict, not strict enough or whatever) and I don’t give a hot damned about anybody who had anything to say about me or mine?
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:39 pm
And too, if my kid gets into a snafu or hiccup in life, I’ve raised her and I taught her well. Her mistakes are hers to own first and learn from secondly. I could care less what folks think on the outside looking in. I have to tell her this now. Who cares what other folks think?? It’s your life and only you can live YOUR life.
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:39 pm
The funny thing about raising kids is they always seem to grow up and be their own person just like we did. isn’t it odd how life turns out that way!
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
4:39 pm
We raise our children in the hopes they make proper decisions. However, we’ve all been teenagers, and we’ve all made foolish mistakes going into adulthood.
Ex – you may raise your child, but once her cycle starts and puberty sets in, more and more lessons are needed. Nonetheless, sometimes, just sometimes those lessons have nothing on being horny and wanting to be with that boy. That’s why even a PK, despite all their teachings and moral compasses, can quickly fall by the wayside.
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
4:40 pm
My blessing to her will be a loving and supportive home with a deadline, a fool proof plan for a scuccessful life, a timetable to accomplish objectives and a farewell hug.
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:42 pm
Ex, why do you care what the outsiders think??
Context is important….
tell me what u thinking and why u ask…
i am who i ma partly due to my sorroundings
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
4:44 pm
Like Celisea stated, she’s my child, but she’s 18+ and a baby got “caught.” She’s grown and has to step up. I will help, but she will do the work.
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:45 pm
my house, my rules”.
i say that too..but i am the parent that gives reasons for why we do this or that way and what are the repurcussions..thats how i terach my kids..not just dictatorial, do this or that..
my point is,if my kid slips,thats on me coz she didnt get my message or i did not deliver it well..
coz clearly,if she has messed,she didnt get it
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:45 pm
teach
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:45 pm
Leggs – I agree. Nature is nature the same, in every child. Teachings are to guide. Teachings though won’t prevent nature. That’s why I don’t get folks coming down hard on PKs cause nature is nature is nature in us all. But yeah, folks and their notions…until their kids hit the stride in life where everything is waking up in them.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
4:46 pm
I was agreeing with you 4:39, Leggs
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
4:46 pm
Ex why would you care what anyone outside your house have to say about anything that goes on in your house?
your daughter gets pregnant and you’re more worried about what others think of you, than you are about her. So you never make mistakes?
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
4:46 pm
puberty sets in, more and more lessons are needed.
who best @Leggs,but me to give those puberty and other life lessons
if she aint getting it from me..i failed
Into the Light
January 9th, 2013
4:47 pm
I don’t see anything wrong with giving someone a hand up (up, not OUT). Du letting her stay until she can complete her education might make all the difference in the way the rest of her life and her baby’s life plays out.