Dating: Have a bad reputation?
I was hanging out solo at RuSan’s eating sushi when a group of gentleman sat at the next booth. I noticed one of the guys as a former coworker, Eric. We spent a few minutes catching up… and semi-flirting.
I couldn’t resist. Eric is extra, extra fine but he is also a well-known “playa” who has acquired quite a bad reputation as a heart breaker. Eric asked me to introduce him to one of my single friends. He could tell by the look of horror on my face that I was apprehensive. Why would I knowingly set up my girls for failure and disappointment?
Eric claimed that he is older and handles his dating relationships with more maturity. That’s great to hear, but what about all the grimy, no good, shady things he did in Atlanta alone!?
Trust me – Atlanta is not that big – people talk, ladies talk – and eventually your reputation precedes you. Not in the good way. If you have committed past romantic crimes, you have to understand when folks won’t take you seriously. Is that fair? Maybe not.
Have you ever had to do damage control for your bad reputation? Do you think it is good to call people up and apologize? Is there anything you can do to redeem yourself?
What would you do if you found out that the person you are dating has a really dreadful dating reputation? Would you treat them differently? Proceed with caution? Dump them to avoid being the next victim? What if they told you they had changed? Would you believe them?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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289 comments Add your comment
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
11:51 am
abc..@10:55..you’re a helluva writer. I think I may be a little too grown for this topic. I currently don’t know anyone that has a bad rep, not that I’m aware of anyway. I don’t associate with or listen to people that speak negatively about others. I would imagine it is a valid concern and part of the investigative process when considering dating someone, but I only date Wifey, so I can’t relate. I’m sure I had a rep back in the day. “DuShawn ain’t sh&*t…..Girl run.”
Exiled
January 9th, 2013
11:53 am
http://www.ajc.com/news/news/feds-indict-former-deputy-in-case-involving-sex-al/nTq8C/
Read, the Judge’s underwear request part…..his Reput@tion or shall we say desire is hmmmmmm
a Judge?
really….undewear?
O M G
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
11:54 am
Oops, I just googled it…song by Ray Charles, Night Time is the RIGHT Time.
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
12:16 pm
Afternoon Gang!
A good friend of mine was good friends with a dude that was a 1st class playa. He was call her and talk about all of his shenanigans before & after he married his HS sweetheart. He & the sweetheart eventually divorced. To make a long story short, he actually reformed his ways and married my friend. Somehow he convinced her that he had changed. She couldn’t believe it herself, but as far as we all know, he’s been on the straight and narrow ever since. They now have a little boy and seem very happy.
So, folks CAN change, but this is the only case I’ve personally witnessed.
At this point in my life, and I would think for most on this blog, I don’t have time to wait for folks to change. You should have it together. Waiting for some old head to decide being a playa has “played out”? I think not. I can be friends with you all day, but you would be unacceptable as a mate.
Exiled!
January 9th, 2013
12:23 pm
I think I’m kinda understanding how a coc addict feels coz boy I’m craving for Starbucks coffee so so so baaaad!
disco
January 9th, 2013
12:24 pm
hey y’all. what’s up?
kimmie – your post made me think of the movie “he’s just not that into you”. all those urban legends that women tell one another while forgetting that they are the rules and not the exceptions. lol. of course, I’m not discounting your story at all.
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
12:25 pm
Waiting for some old head to decide being a playa has “played out”?……..What make a man a playa?
If he dates multiple women simultaneously, but is honest with them all, is he a playa? Or are playa’s men that lie and get caught. That’s an anti playa in my opinion.
disco
January 9th, 2013
12:25 pm
ex – how bad? what would you do for that starbucks? would you steal from your mama? pawn your wifey’s engagement ring? turn a trick?
disco
January 9th, 2013
12:29 pm
D – if a dude is juggling but isn’t honest with the jugglees he is trying to be a player and can be called one though he’s not a “true player”. if a dude is honest and still has many women who are going along with the program, he is a true player. funny thing about the word player. a lot of times women will call a man a player simply because things aren’t working out for her. it doesn’t always mean dude is a player. sort of like how men get quick to call a woman a name simply because the situation isn’t working out for him.
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
12:30 pm
DuShawn ~ do you think all “playas” are honest while dating multiple women? Perhaps some are putting it on the woman if she wants to go further with him, but with all the heartache out there with men and women both being deceived, is honesty really on the plate?
disco ~ I crave some things, but early on I knew it would never be coffee (lol).
Exiled!
January 9th, 2013
12:31 pm
Nobody is suggesting waiting on nobody but if an old playa cat changes and u(lady) happen to be still in the same village,25 years later,single and lonely and the clock is tick_tocking,many of uall ladies get compromised.
Time is the enemy of many marriage bound but manless women.
To borrow from Celisea:Chuuuch!
Willie Dynamite
January 9th, 2013
12:36 pm
Afternoon all,
I think you do earn your rep through your actions. Wear it and change it. I don’t see the player evidence cause I’ve never been one. I know a few and they don’t seem to have any trouble meeting or attracting quality chicks. I would assume that whenever they are ready to sete down they can and will.
Exiled!
January 9th, 2013
12:38 pm
Disco..problem is I don’t have a ride and I’m home but with money.
If I had a ride but no money,and some chic came along with money in exchange:
I wld lick it for the money and Starbucks!
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
12:42 pm
Your rep can only be earned through your actions. If one determines your rep solely on hearsay and your name precedes one ever meeting you, then it’s on the one determining who you are to be the misguided one. Let the person stand before you before you pass judgment on something heard over time.
Into the Light
January 9th, 2013
12:47 pm
LOL@Ex. My co-worker and I are always saying Starbucks should deliver. If I don’t get my 4shot-americano every day, I start feeling some kinda way…..
@Leggs: YIPPEE!!! Glad you are feeling better.
@Stamps: Nah. Next year is the DAWGS’ year.
Heeeeeeeeey Kimmie.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
12:48 pm
Mmeello – Man you are stoopid…..lololol I had to come out on that one. And where is your car? You know you can’t be a playa walking, hitching a ride or on the bus….right? You don’t get a lick like that.
A real playa will have a rep, it’s a part of the character. Who’s a quiet, never heard of, silent playa?? But you ain’t gotta rely solely on others. Yeah, a lot of things start out passed along but you can best believe, if there’s any truth to what’s being said, they’ll show you themselves. It’s just a matter of time….CAUSE IT’S WHAT THEY DO. If you’re a playa, how do you be anything other than?
So yeah, I might be different from most cause Imma taking what I “hear” into account knowing what I hear will only surface, given the opportunity. Too, I think I’m smart enough to discern gossip from truth. Too, that “believe half….” saying is for folks that bring and carries bones. That don’t apply to folks speaking the truth about a person’s character or the lack thereof.
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
12:48 pm
You do have a ride, Ex. Look down, you have two feet (lol). Walking is good, go get your coffee (lol).
“I got 25 miles to go now, my feet are hurting mighty bad. I’ve been walking for two days and two lonely nights, you that I’m mighty sad….
Anybody know that song? Bet cba knows!
I’m going to blame it on the medicine making all these old songs pop in my head.
Into the Light
January 9th, 2013
12:49 pm
Oh, and disco…… Divided Sisters and I parted paths. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t get into it ….
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
12:49 pm
I think we all may have a different definition of a player. Whatever way YOU define it, it’s also up to you to decide if you want to deal with it or not.
Leggs – Last time I checked, honesty and “playin” were not hand in hand!
And I define a player as one that plays games. A nice guy that just happens to date multiple women and is up front about it is fine, he just would not be for me if I were single. We could be friends, but that’s all. I would prefer a man that was in a different place in his life.
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
12:52 pm
cba ~ if you’re lurking, name that tune (lol).
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
12:53 pm
Hey Light!!
Hey Disco!!
Hey Leggs! Hope you are feeling better every day!!
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
12:53 pm
@Leggs- do you think all “playas” are honest ……No. Between the ages of 24 and 34, I would put my playa resume up against any mans. My escapades are legendary. However, I was never a liar when it came to our relationship status. I’m of the opinion that True playas manipulate for their own selfish benefit more so than lie. They sell dreams and false hopes of the relationship’s potential for growth, knowing full well the chances are minimal. From my experiences, even when that façade begins to fade and the woman starts asking direct questions like:”are you going to commit on not” and you reply honestly and say “I prefer things to remain as they are”, she still stays. Playas know you ain’t gotta lie to kick it.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
12:53 pm
Honestly, it matters not how a playa is defined, cause it’s no can do for me….lol
disco
January 9th, 2013
12:55 pm
ITL – that’s too bad. I thought the book was fairly accurate in detailing the underlying issues that exist. I wonder if CC read it. where is she anyway? working or up to miscreant-ism?
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
12:56 pm
kimmie ~ I agree the two do not go together, but DuShawn’s statement of being a playa and being honest may negate his actions. At that point, it’s on the woman if she wants to go forward toward a relationship, a sexual encounter, or have the mindset of “ok, playa, I’m going to show you I’m the best out here and make you curb your other women.”
Bluzgirl
January 9th, 2013
12:58 pm
Good afternoon! The blog monster ate my post. I just got a chance to read through everything and see it’s because of the word r e p u t a t i o n…
Anyway…I will definitely be more careful from here on out with someone who has a sketchy rep. I knew the Ex about 12 years ago and he was a man ho back then. I truly thought he had changed over the years and trusted way too quickly. No, he did not cheat on me, but he used me and he used his GF back then also. I learned a lesson to not be so quick to trust…
disco
January 9th, 2013
12:58 pm
D – that’s kind of what I meant by having chicks go along with the program. a dude can have a few chicks but if they are fighting him all the way he ain’t playing them right. when dude has mad chicks and they are all bending over backward for him that’s playa playa right there. if Ex was a player he wouldn’t be whining about not having a car and no starbucks. he’d have a half dozen chicks he could call right now who would either lend him their car, pick him up some starbucks or pick him up and take him to starbucks. that’s how players do. lol.
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
12:58 pm
kimmie ~ today is my best day. I’m finally glad to say that and feel it. Doctor said I could go back to work Friday (if I’m up to it), but with there being a heat wave and rain on that day, I think it best I stay indoors. Don’t want to relapse!
DuShawn
January 9th, 2013
12:59 pm
Ouch!
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:00 pm
Honestly, it matters not how a playa is defined, cause it’s no can do for me
Cel – Same here!
Those players that are smooth & smart with it know they don’t have to lie, and they can still pull a quality woman when they want. The sloppy, stupid ones that “think” they are getting away with something – they still manage to find someone to buy what they are selling. Might not be as top shelf, but they manage.
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
1:01 pm
“…True playas manipulate for their own selfish benefit more so than lie.” – Exactly. Couldn’t think of the word “manipulate,” but that’s my sentiment…playas manipulate. Tks.
Exiled!
January 9th, 2013
1:02 pm
Lol wife’s car is in the shop and she took mine so a playa has no equipment. Lol
@Leggs…my nearest coffee is mickydee,which is ok but boy,I hate to walk if there is no side walk.
They don’t put side walks in black folks neighborhoods(I ain’t being racist) or our reps ask for other things they think are priority,and I kinda agree.
I have seen moms with kids using computers in my public library,doing homework. We need more libraries and computers.
But side walks..? I only see side walks when I drive in the Jewish comunities in Druid hills,emory area.
What’s up with that Burrell Ellis?
Willie Dynamite
January 9th, 2013
1:02 pm
Cel- heyyyy
Honestly I think by some of these definitions most dudes would fit into someone’s version of a playa. I think in a lot of instances playas (and hoes) get too much credit. While folks are out here trying not to get got by so and so they are hardening the spirit to recognize something good. No complaint from me though we all travel in our own lane.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
1:03 pm
Might not be as top shelf
This made me think of discontinued or clearance products…lol Too bad for her that’s not “top shelf” and even worse for him cause that’s all he can pull…lol
Alright, gotta get out of here
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
1:04 pm
Willie – Hey, what’s up
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:04 pm
Bluz – I would say your ex showed you who he was and you didn’t pay attention. You said you knew him 12 years, yet you trusted too quick. Which one was it? 12 years does not sound quick to me.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
1:05 pm
While folks are out here trying not to get got by so and so they are hardening the spirit to recognize something good
While there’s some truth to this, it’s dang if you do and dang if you don’t…if you get a rotten egg. If I had to pick one, I’d rather be hardened than fooled…I think….IJS
K…bye!!
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:08 pm
While folks are out here trying not to get got by so and so they are hardening the spirit to recognize something good
Willie – I agree. At some point, you have to let your guard down and trust your instincts.
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
1:10 pm
But, if nothing kicks in “instinctively”, you can’t just go with it. I think instincts work both ways. To ward off and to open up. But if you ain’t getting that vibe, IMO it’s best not to. But does that make you hard or perceived as hard? Preception is probably more likely.
I said bye did I? lol
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
1:12 pm
Ex ~ I’m with you on the sidewalks. I just don’t understand why in 2013 there still aren’t sidewalks everywhere. Coming from the concrete jungle, no sidewalks have always bothered me, along with the white candy stick sticking up from the ground as a bus stop.
kimmie ~ you beat me to it. How can you know someone for 12 years then say you moved too quickly?
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:14 pm
Willie – I do agree too, that we give these playas & garden tools too much credit. Personally, I’ve found they are really not that hard to spot. Most aren’t THAT SLICK. Some people, for whatever reason, see them coming a mile away but still choose to deal with them. If that’s the case, own it, cause 9 times out of 10 you had an inkling something wasn’t right, but you got with them anyway.
Exiled!
January 9th, 2013
1:15 pm
One of my buddies used to live down there in Union city in an apartment and he lived next to some African american dude who was a car sales rep.
He wld tell me that different chics used to literally come singly,but frequently at dude’s apartment..to get…well ion know.
One time,he said a beautiful chic got in,they must have smashed and two hours later they were talking,outside by the apartment steps. Chic wanted to stay some more and was talking talking talking but not leaving.
He said he heard dude remark,’ hey u need to step coz my other chic will be here in a minute’
And the chic was grinning,laughing asking ‘which one?’grinning some more.
And dude was like,’hey none of ur bizzness but I will holla at u tmrw’
I never met this dude but my friend was like,(eyes open and kinda animated with green envy)’dude,this guy is off da meter coz beautiful chics come here driving nice rides’
African American chics….
So..,,it happens.
What’s dudes secret tho…maybe the car rep deal and Cars
I don’t know.
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
1:16 pm
I don’t wanna be a player no more
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHRSBUjvKow
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:18 pm
But, if nothing kicks in “instinctively”, you can’t just go with it.
Cel(if you are still here) – Jump in, but keep your eyes and ears open, I say.
Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1
January 9th, 2013
1:18 pm
I’m not a playa I just crush alot
Celisea
January 9th, 2013
1:21 pm
Kimmie – Yep, no other way to roll. I could feel my dude getting a little frustrated but my guess is that he felt I was worth the time and effort. I couldn’t go all in until my gut and instincts gave me the maygo to free fall
No matter how good, I agree if you’re gonna “roll”, you better be making sure. Cause surely, I’m sure playas always come off as “good”….at first.
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:21 pm
Ex – See he didn’t have to lie, he was wide-open with it. But who said Pretty = Smart? Looks are probably all these chicks had going for themselves!
kimmie
January 9th, 2013
1:22 pm
Single – I love that song!
Bluzgirl
January 9th, 2013
1:23 pm
Kimmie – I knew him 12 years ago, but went a good 6-7 years without contact due to circumstances. I thought that things he went through in that time frame changed him for the good…
Leggs
January 9th, 2013
1:24 pm
Ex ~ those pretty chicks are dumb as rocks. Still standing there grinning asking questions about another chick about to roll up. She probably called a few hours later asking if he was alone and when could she see him again. Dumb clucks!!