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Dating: Not a fan of kissing?

I thought I had heard it all when it comes to men, but this is a first: Men who refuse to kiss. Yes, apparently they DO exist – unlike the Keebler elves. These anti-kissers usually provide a laundry list of reasons why they don’t want to smooch their honeys.

I received an email from a woman who says her guy is not a fan of kissing. He downplays this as a hangup that she may have to “get used to” which means “this won’t change.” The phobia of kissing is called Philemaphobia and it is a real issue for some people.

I am a big fan of kissing and I can’t imagine dating someone who was not. I mean, what else are you supposed to do with your lips when you want intimacy? (Actually – don’t answer that). I honestly don’t know what advice to give the young lady! What should she do?

She is unsure if the issue is that her man doesn’t like kissing – or does not like kissing her. Would it bother you if the person you were seeing had some quirky hang up about sex or intimacy?

Have you ever had to tell the person you are dating that there is one thing that you simply refuse to do? Do you think certain hang ups are deal breakers?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

164 comments Add your comment

lee

January 8th, 2013
6:53 am

I never heard of someone not wanting to kiss. This is new to me. It is stated that he is someone she is “seeing” that doesn’t equal up to a relationship so that is not “her man”. He might not kiss those he is just “seeing” and gives an excuse. shrugs. It would be a deal breaker for me, i love to kiss, that would be sad not even little pecks of affection..

Single and Happy

January 8th, 2013
7:10 am

I mean, what else are you supposed to do with your lips when you want intimacy?
I will answer that! If you’re lips are good for doing other things with and not kissing, then it aint intimacy, it’s just sex!

He downplays this as a hangup that she may have to “get used to” which means “this won’t change.”
See that’s the bigger issue, she has to get used to it, no compromise, so what else does she “have to get use” too?

Would it bother you if the person you were seeing had some quirky hang up about sex or intimacy?
Naw because if it bothered me enough to email a stranger, I wouldn’t be seeing them

Have you ever had to tell the person you are dating that there is one thing that you simply refuse to do?
No

Do you think certain hang ups are deal breakers?
YES THEY ARE! While I’m not going to try and make anyone do anything they don’t want to do, I’m also not going to deprive myself of something I really love to do! (If one want, another one will)!!

Single and Happy ROLL TIDE #1

January 8th, 2013
7:23 am

YES THERE ARE!! I mean

Exiled!

January 8th, 2013
7:56 am

‘Men who refuse to kiss’

I think it’s your ears Diva.
You sure it’s not ‘lick’?

He maybe a very bad kisser. Or maybe,like me,when he gets a Lil intimate and kisses he wants to complement that with a Lil twinkly fingering…..down there….and she doesn’t like that.

Doesn’t like kissing? hmmmm

To think that there are some men who just want to dive In..no wasting time with kissing?

I can see that but not me.

Morning MIA!

Big Al

January 8th, 2013
8:07 am

A man who won’t kiss the ladies = GAY

Button

January 8th, 2013
9:05 am

A man who doens’t kiss! WOW back off!
Oddly enough, I have a guy friend who doens’t like kissing. He says it’s nasty and the few times he’s kissed it turned his stomach, made him want to vomit. I for one would not be with a guy who would not, does not, will not kiss. no way jose’. Kissing is the prelude to…..well you know and I just can’t see going straight in, no 4 play at all, c’mon. Is he into kissing my forehead or cheeks? Maybe I could work with that! NOT

there are some men that I would not kiss. There mouth is stank and all jacked up.

disco

January 8th, 2013
9:12 am

good morning y’all. in my best Scooby doo voice “uh oh”. I am not a fan of kissing. I can’t count the number of times some guy has moved in for a kiss and I turned my head to the side. occasionally I’ll throw a dog a bone and give a little peck on the cheek or something but all that slobbing each other down is kind of nasty to me. I think kissing was the thing to do as a teenager when it was all new and exciting but at some point I figured it’s mostly nasty and I don’t do kissing. truth: it’s been years since I’ve kissed-kissed a guy.

MsAtl

January 8th, 2013
9:20 am

Morning All!

It would bother me if I was dating a person who refused to kiss. Like Single said, what else would would there be a straight line, no compromise on?

Quirky hangups about sex or intimacy?
It would depend on the hangup.

Deal breakers?
Yes, I imagine there would be dealbreakers, not that I can just rattle off a list right now.
No, I have not yet had to tell a person I was dating that there is one thing I simply refuse to do. Are there things that I would tell a person I will not do? Yes.

kimmie

January 8th, 2013
9:21 am

Morning All!!

Yeah, that’s a little weird, not wanting to kiss. I would have to get to the bottom of exactly why & is it that he just didn’t want to kiss me. I’m paranoid about having bad breath so I would need him to not spare my feelings and let me know if that was the problem. If that’s not it, and he just has a hang up about it, I don’t think I could “get used to” it. A kiss can be more “intimate” than going all the way. I actually dated a guy once that was not big on kissing. He didn’t refuse to, but he just was not very affectionate at all, rather cold. I don’t want an octopus, but I don’t want Ice Man either.

Have you ever had to tell the person you are dating that there is one thing that you simply refuse to do?
The only reason we are even entertaining this as a topic is because the guy in the situation refuses to do something intimate. If the shoe was on the other foot, dudes would be chiming in left and right. Women get crucified for refusing anything intimate and get the “if you won’t, some other woman will” threat, no matter how disgusting she might deem the act. If he cheats on her, then everyone, even other women, justify it because she wouldn’t do XYZ. Just another double standard if you ask me!

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
9:27 am

Morning, blogging from my couch.

I am a huge fan of kissing. I cannot imagine being with someone who doesn’t like to kiss. It would bother me tremendously. Kissing is definitely one of the many forms of a sensual connection. Kissing emotes many desires, expectations. A good kiss can be the catalyst for many nice things to come soon after.

As far as a sexual hangup, it all depends on what it is. If his hangup is something I need or desire, then the relationship has gone down a dead end street toward demise.

disco ~ if you can count the number of times you turned your head, I hope you cannot count the number of times you actually kissed over the years (lol).

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
9:27 am

Good morning,

Hi, my name is Slim and I’m in a “barely kissed” relationship. This is the first person i’ve ever dated that was non too thrilled to kiss. He can go on and on about reasons for not doing it and it definitely was a HUGE adjustment. I can probably count on one hand a a few fingers the amount of times we’ve really really kissed in a 2yr time span.

Bluzgirl

January 8th, 2013
9:28 am

I had an ex who didn’t really like to kiss and it turned out that he was bad at it. I didn’t care that he was bad…I wanted to kiss when we were intimate. When he would kiss me during sex, I would show him how much it turned me on and encourage him to do it anyway.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
9:32 am

Plus he is allergic to lip gloss, chap stic, sun screen stuff like that, so i’m not sure if it stems from being burnt from bad allergic reactions in the past or what.

disco

January 8th, 2013
9:33 am

leggs – I’m absolutely positive that I haven’t kissed (a real non-peck type kiss) in years. how many years? I’m not sure, maybe around – OMG. okay. I’m embarrassed to admit how many years it’s been. maybe I should have put kissing on my resolution list. lol.

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
9:35 am

SlimNu ~ does he have a doctor’s statement that he’s allergic to those things, or is it something he’s telling you in the hopes you will accept his reasoning and stop asking?

kimmie

January 8th, 2013
9:36 am

Disco/Leggs – Now I cannot stand a sloppy kisser! That is disgusting! If that’s the best he can do, I’d rather not! So yeah, he has gotta pass the kiss test with me!LOL!!

DuShawn

January 8th, 2013
9:37 am

For me, kissing is far more intimate than intercourse. I have slept with many women and never kissed them. That’s not what we do. Kissing is reserved for love making, not f*&kin. If you are in a relationship and your man won’t kiss you, he may be of a similar mindset,.

kimmie

January 8th, 2013
9:40 am

Du – See that’s what I was thinking of when I read this topic, your post. I think it will be accepted better coming from a man than me saying it.

Button

January 8th, 2013
9:44 am

I guess some people are not kissers, I’ve been fortunate enough to have come across a lot of kissers in my day and although some were not good at it, I took the liberty to show them how to pucker up. My beau loves to kiss, and boy can he kiss – oh my!

Button

January 8th, 2013
9:45 am

who kisses with their eyes opened? Is that romantic or just being nosey to see how the other look while kissing?

Button

January 8th, 2013
9:47 am

how does it feel to kiss someone with tongue peircing?
with a full grown beard/mustache?
with gold teeth?
with missing teeth?
with dentures?

So many questions

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
9:49 am

kimmie ~ I cannot stand a sloppy kisser either. Having to wipe your mouth afterwards and then wash your hands is such a turn off. Ummm, how can I say this w/o being overly graphic? I had a guy who during oral was messy as hell. Had to put a washcloth under myself. Yes, Ex, positive it was his rain forest of a mouth than my juices since it was the same in and out of bed. What a wet mess!

DuShawn ~ I agree 100%. Kissing is a form of intimacy not necessarily reserved for those you’re just kicking it with. “Busting slob” isn’t reserved for everyone (lolol).

Button

January 8th, 2013
9:54 am

MsAtl

January 8th, 2013
9:55 am

DuShawn & Kimmie- I agree, it is more intimate for me as well.
Button- No grillz allowed; I would rather not get lacerations from kissing, lol.
Leggs- Ummm, there is no way to say that without being overly graphic. Yuck, lol.

Bluzgirl

January 8th, 2013
10:07 am

I’ve kissed guys with a goatee and that’s ok as long as they don’t let it get overgrown! I don’t want a mouth full of hair!!!

I have my tongue pierced and seems like the guys I’ve kissed since enjoyed it…

DuShawn

January 8th, 2013
10:11 am

The funny thing is when a woman you have determined to be undeserving tries to kiss you unexpectedly. You start moving your head back and from side to side. You be like “whoa! Lil mama.
WTF you doing…….Girl stop playing.” If they become too persistent and aggressive, you sometimes have to catch them with a light but firm forearm shiver.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
10:12 am

Leggs – I’ve heard him complain about his lips feeling funny and I’ve seen reactions whenever he comes in contact with anything with those contents in them. I have to use the coco butter stick instead of regular chap stic around him. One day he made a mistake and used mine and started complaining about his lips feeling funny. I’ll usually lube my lips with coco butter before I put on lipstick. I’ve also seen him break out just being in the same general area of someone else spraying on sun tan lotion.

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
10:12 am

Never kissed anyone with a tongue piercing, gold teef or missing teef. Dentures, yes. Mustache, yes, grown beard, nope.

I have a friend who insists I should not sleep on men w/o teef because they are excellent at oral. Hell, she’s 62 so perhaps her contacts probably do pull their teeth out. I hope to never find out (lol). Well, hopefully no time soon.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:13 am

Kissing is reserved for love making, not f*&kin.

Cosign..

I like to kiss…I think it’s sensual and very intimate and thankfully I’ve been in relationships with men who liked to kiss as well. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship and not kissing the man I was with..even if it’s just a peck it strengthens emotional bonds and shows affection.

On the flip side of that, I did date this one guy who was an awful kisser who left my face wet and I really did not like kissing him…thankfully he didn’t mind a pointer or two in the right direction.

That’s all behind me now ’cause Mr. Bermuda has lips as soft as “butta” ;-)

Exiled

January 8th, 2013
10:16 am

Yaaa…LOL….

Laughing at that WET cloth under Leggs bum/leggs…goodness. ‘hUUMm..yum yum yum”…thats him at play under the hood!..GREEDY MFCKA LMAOF

DU…Kissing is reserved for love making, not f*&kin.
I agree as well..

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
10:18 am

WOW, that’s unfortunate, SlimNu.

DuShawn ~ I’ve seen a woman demand a kiss from their mate with him ducking and diving. Why force someone to give you a kiss (esp. in front of others)? She looked very silly to me, but I sat their chuckling to myself.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
10:19 am

“whoa! Lil mama.
WTF you doing…….Girl stop playing.”

:lol: WOOOOW lol

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
10:20 am

For me, kissing is far more intimate than intercourse

DuS – Well, where does Oral fare on the level of intimacy? I mean, the beau and lick that thang but have issues with kissing just doesn’t make sense.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:20 am

who kisses with their eyes opened?

When I was in college I dated a tantric lover who was into that…he was like that guy from “Single Ladies” that wanted to breathe each other’s air…and when we kissed we’d look into each others eyes. It was definitely different…

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
10:24 am

Closing your eyes while kissing helps savor the kiss itself. To kiss with my eyes open will take too much concentration taking away the delight of the kiss leaving me to wonder how to keep this kiss going w/o laughing.

kimmie

January 8th, 2013
10:24 am

Sassy – It is weird when you open your eyes during a kiss and the dudes eyes are open too!! :shock: I’ve taken a peek before and had that to happen!LOL!!

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:26 am

I know right Kimmie?! :lol:

DuShawn

January 8th, 2013
10:31 am

-SlimNu- If I lick that thang, our breath will smell the same, beause Imma come up right after you bust, face looking like a glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut, and tongue kiss you slap in the mouth. We going all in on the intimacy at that point, no inhibitions, just unbridled pleasure. A$$holes, toes and elbows.

Bluzgirl

January 8th, 2013
10:33 am

Du…too early for that talk now. ;-)

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
10:36 am

It’s weird to be kissing someone and you peak just a wee bit and see that they are staring back at yo ass. :shock:

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:39 am

beause Imma come up right after you bust, face looking like a glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut, and tongue kiss you slap in the mouth.

On the real…LADIES HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?!

Me personally, I’ve done it..I do it and if the blog keep going on with THIS topic ALL day then there’s a good likelihood….whoa lemme pump the breaks.

WOOOOSSAAAAAAH!!!!

A$$holes, toes and elbows.

I can do the elbows but not ANYbody’s booty or toes…just cain’t..

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
10:43 am

Sassy ~ to this day I remember the first time after the do and the release he came up to kiss me. I tried to avert, but he kissed me hard. I knew he was making a point so next time, I tried to break his face (lol).

Bluzgirl

January 8th, 2013
10:48 am

Sassy – Not one of my favorite things. I’ll usually oblige because it turns him on…

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:49 am

I knew he was making a point so next time, I tried to break his face (lol).

:shock:

Daaayum Leggs :lol:

As for me…what can I say?…if I’m in a serious relationship with you and we go there then it’s on. It’s hard to contain that passion when you’re really in the moment…

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:50 am

I’ll usually oblige because it turns him on…

I understand that Bluz and cudos to you for doing that b/c you know he likes it…that’s rather selfless of you.

Robert

January 8th, 2013
10:51 am

“tell the person there is one thing that you simply refuse to do?”

Unless we are in a committed relationship kissing will not happen. Too many men and women use their mouths for sexual pleasure without thinking about the consequences of their actions. I think kissing is a very private sexual act. I reserve “kissing” for my woman only.

Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)

January 8th, 2013
10:51 am

Soooo anybody watch Love and Hip Hop New York last night on VH-1?

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 8th, 2013
10:59 am

DuS – I don’t have any issue with it but WHY doesn’t that get reciprocated. A dude will be like Leggs, damn near trying to break your nose if you were to come up trying to kiss his ass after he buss everywhere. :lol: Double-standard like a mugg…

Leggs

January 8th, 2013
11:02 am

I recorded it. Is it worth watching?

Albert

January 8th, 2013
11:05 am

The only thing I would ever find wrong with kissing would be is my partner tried to stick her tongue all the way down my throat. I have a severe gagging reflex and I don’t want to activate that. ;) Otherwise, I love kissing, especially if the woman I’m with moans softly. :D