accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Relationships: I don’t need saving

I was on the insanely popular Instagram and noticed that Rhianna posted a picture with the caption: “I’m not a princess. I don’t need saving. I’m a queen…”.

Irony aside, I find it rather interesting how some women (not just celebrity girls) often like to proclaim that they don’t need to be rescued. As if needing someone to save you is an absolute sign of weakness. Pardon me but have YOU ever tried being vulnerable and letting someone save you? THAT is scary. THAT is what takes courage. At least in my humble opinion.

I’d like to think that I can survive and be strong through whatever life tosses at me. The thought of actually having someone there so I don’t have to do it alone is rather comforting. I don’t think this takes away from my feminist views. Am I crazy and naive to think that it shouldn’t?

What do you think? Are men even in the business of saving us anymore? Not referring to chivalry, per se. Are men still interested in protecting, saving, and rescuing women? Do women today know how to accept that?

If and when a man needed to be saved, would he find it difficult to let a woman rescue him?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

93 comments Add your comment

LOL

January 7th, 2013
7:26 am

Are men even in the business of saving us anymore?

I laugh! (lol) Men are only in the business fort convenience and whatever is easy! Transition = Takers only. You can’t get a ham sandwich let alone men flagging a cab for a lady. Yup, saving is definitely a thing of the past! Save yourselves ladies because if you’re awaiting Mister Night and Shining Armor, you’ll be waiting a REALLY long time! (lol)

Funny blog!

Single and Happy

January 7th, 2013
7:34 am

Hello all

Are men even in the business of saving us anymore?
I’m not Captain Save-A-Hoe! Don’t mind being there sometimes for a woman, but being there all the time can put a real drain on me in a relationship.

If and when a man needed to be saved, would he find it difficult to let a woman rescue him?
If a woman needs to be rescued all the time, chances are she wouldn’t know how to save her man if he needed it! How can she, when she doesn’t know how to save herself!

So Diva, can you define what you think saving is, because it can be different for everyone!

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
8:26 am

Good morning,

If women were all being held captive in some tall stone light house being separated by a lake of fire and a scary dragon, then yeah this would be a valid question. But I think, like SH, i’m a bit confused by the question. I would assume that in regular roles, a man’s job would still be to want to protect and provide for whomever he cares about, whether it be his woman, kids, family or whatever. Now if i’m in a relationship and there are things that I could use a little help accomplishing, then sure i’d be open to allowing my man to assist me in getting to that point. It could be a matter of wanting to finish a degree and may need to spend less than 40+hrs a week working. If he was able and suggested maybe I work part-time instead of full-time, then that is more along the lines of what I would deem ’saving’ (loose definition of course). In relationships, we should all want to help the other because we care and want the other to succeed. But if we are still going to merely have our own personal agenda’s then I don’t see the point of sharing a life with them. Maybe i come from a different pov of the concept of building a foundation or legacy together.

I feel a bit scatter-brained so maybe i’m all off base at this point.

Exiled!

January 7th, 2013
8:58 am

Whatever??

Good Morning Green Youngies,Spring chickens,Cougars and the rest.

And Good morning to you All prowling and sniffing Gents!

disco

January 7th, 2013
9:02 am

good morning y’all. yeah. this topic is kind of vague. take from it what you will. I do kind of like rhihanna’s spin re not being a princess but a queen. sure, in most fairy tales the weak azz princess is sitting around waiting on somebody or other to save her. the queen though is usually sitting up high on her throne running things. personally I can’t stand “princess” types. I hate to hear folks refer to their daughters as princesses and I really hate to hear grown azz women act like they believe they are princesses. oops. sorry. I was about to go off on my own personal pet peeve tirade.

re rescuing. I’m not drowning, on fire or stranded on the side of the road or anything right now but someone on standby for just in case couldn’t hurt. lol.

Button

January 7th, 2013
9:05 am

I’m not a princess. I don’t need saving. I’m a queen —-hmmmm my beau calls me a queen….maybe I don’t need saving.

I have no problem being the weak damsel in distress and letting it be known. I let my beau know when I’m weak and when I’m strong. He steps in and saves the day! Thank you!

Single and Happy

January 7th, 2013
9:11 am

It could be a matter of wanting to finish a degree and may need to spend less than 40+hrs a week working

You may want to work that out before getting in a relationship, going to school full time and working full time aint that hard to do! :-D

Button

January 7th, 2013
9:11 am

Are men even in the business of saving us anymore? if you let them, they will, that is if they are a real man!

Are men still interested in protecting, saving, and rescuing women?YES, I see it all the time, see above.

Am I crazy and naive to think that it shouldn’t?NO it shouldnt, we’ve been conditioned to put aside a man and do it ourselves and do it better.

Single and Happy

January 7th, 2013
9:13 am

disco

January 7th, 2013
9:16 am

ex – I guess I’m “the rest” because I’m surely no spring chicken or cougar.

s/h – now you got me wondering how the stripper is doing. lol. last week there was a story out of Cleveland about a stripper falling off a balcony during a lap dance. she was in bad shape too.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
9:19 am

SH – Was just giving an example and I know of a married couple right now that is contemplating doing that, which i why I used this. You may be right but folks live under different circumstances and deal with different things growing up. Thanks for your input though

MsAtl

January 7th, 2013
9:44 am

Morning All!

Although I am not a damsel in distress and can handle a variety of things and situations, some back-up wouldn’t hurt. I wouldn’t mind being “saved” if I was stranded, but otherwise am a bit confused as to the term “saved.” To answer Diva’s question, no, I do not think that men are in the business of “saving” women anymore. Some men would feed the woman to the wolves in order to save their own behinds. Hopefully this is the minority though.

Single & SlimNu- Working and going to school can be hard depending on the circumstances. I went to school while raising three children and worked part of that time. For me, it was hard. It wasn’t impossible, because obviously I did it, but t was hard.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
9:53 am

MsAtl – Actually, my coworker that is now trying to decide about going back to school also has 3 kids. Her hubby is able to maintain the bills and all without her paycheck, so they are trying to figure what’s best for them. I told her if she can finish school and not have to work, then go for it. She just likes having her own money so that is the issue with her for now.

Single and Happy

January 7th, 2013
10:26 am

Mrs Atl even with circumstances it’s not that hard, if a couple works together, while working part time may not be an option because of financial obligations, one parent picking up more with the kids is another. I know people say sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get what you want, but for me I don’t believe in that, you can always find balance to do the things you want to do.

halo46

January 7th, 2013
10:33 am

Good Morning All. IMO Rihanna needs saving from stupidity (something that most women have endured at some point in their life by dealing with a man who has no respect for you). Why is she continuing to see a man who gave her a black eye and bruises, and continues to see another woman while he is professing his love for her and the other woman. Yes, she needs saving. Because if she truly believes she is a queen, then this man would be putting her on a pedestal rather than playing with her heart. I like Chris Brown as a performer, believe is a brillian artist. However, his actions are like a little boy plus he needs therapy for his anger.

Bluzgirl

January 7th, 2013
10:51 am

halo – I was just about to type something similar. I really don’t think Rihanna is a great example of someone who doesn’t need saving…

I no longer need saving…I think in the past, I felt like I needed that, but I have grown A LOT over the past two years. My biggest thing is trying to stay away from men who need saving…

disco

January 7th, 2013
10:59 am

forgive me for being contrary but just because rihanna considers herself a queen doesn’t necessarily mean anyone else (chris brown included) has to. lol. it doesn’t take away from her perception of herself. I won’t pass judgment on their abusive relationship simply because I’ve already expressed how I feel about folks who are in and accept abusive relationships. stay there. enjoy the blows. you like it, I love it. rihanna calling herself a queen is no different than one most of the general population does everyday. there’s plenty of nickels walking around proclaiming to be dimes. they just have to find someone who counts pennies the same way they do.

MsAtl

January 7th, 2013
11:00 am

Single- That’s the beauty of life, we can agree to disagree. It may not be that hard..FOR YOU.. however, for me, it was hard keeping a balance on working, going to school, and taking care of a family. My classmates with no children agreed that law school was hard, so respectfully, it is a very subjective standard. Not to mention, like you said, it depends on a couple working together. My ex did not always work as though he was part of a team and often made decisions and acted in his own interest, especially as he was working and in school as well.
In short, I made sacrifices, but I achieved my goals.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
11:05 am

Aaaaamen to that!

disco

January 7th, 2013
11:11 am

slim – I don’t know if you already covered what “more of me, less of you” means. I could take it at face value but know things aren’t always what they seem. what’s up with that?

halo46

January 7th, 2013
11:15 am

there’s plenty of nickels walking around proclaiming to be dimes. they just have to find someone who counts pennies the same way they do.

Disco that is cold, but funny. lol

disco

January 7th, 2013
11:18 am

halo – that’s not cold, it’s true. we’ve discussed it on days when we discussed confidence being sexy. I think we mostly agreed that there were some confident folks walking around who looked like mud ducks or who were confident but not worth the spit it took to cuss them. lol. to each his own.

halo46

January 7th, 2013
11:18 am

@disco about nickels and dimes. That is cold, but really funny. lol

halo46

January 7th, 2013
11:19 am

sorry about the repeat. i thought the blog monster ate my comments

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
11:20 am

What’s up with the molasses today? Two words: WIGGETY WACK

disco – Well, I’ve found myself really in a bit of a ‘dark place’ lately (with all the things going on family wise/relationshipwise blah blah blah)…I tend to struggle with putting other people’s stuff ahead of myself which leads me to feeling super depleted and basically on empty. So i am trying to make a real effort to put myself first and not feel guilty about it. I was not getting the same vigor of energy that I was putting out at the time to other folks, when I felt I needed it most. So that’s pretty much it in a nutshell.

halo46

January 7th, 2013
11:21 am

@disco. I agree it is true, but it cold for you to call me a nickel. just kidding. Confidence is sexy. There are a lot of ugly, but confident men who have plenty of women. And I am talking about ordinary folks, not just celebrities.

Single and Happy

January 7th, 2013
11:33 am

Gotcha Mrsatl

abc

January 7th, 2013
11:46 am

Men saving chicks? Puh-leeze. Sure, guys will do that. Sure, lots of chicks bristle at the idea that any saving is needed. Zzzz.

I seriously hates me some Comcast. They suck.

disco

January 7th, 2013
11:50 am

slim – well I must say “that’s what’s up”. good luck on your endeavor. you need a tshirt, a button, a sticker or something that says “later for you”. or you can get a bunch of mini easy buttons from staples and pass them out to folks asking you for stuff. lol.

MsAtl

January 7th, 2013
11:53 am

ABC- I concur on your assessment of Comcast. Geez!

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
11:55 am

disco – Those are actually good ideas…I probably need a shock collar too that’ll go off any time I start worrying or stressing over other peoples’ mess. I’ve started reading this book called, “The Search for Significance” and the first chapter is called The Light Comes On…so let’s just say i’ve been having a hellofa light bulb moment these last few months.

disco

January 7th, 2013
11:58 am

slim – since it’s slow up in here. who’s the book by and what’s it about (besides the search for significance – lol)?

Robert

January 7th, 2013
12:08 pm

“Are men still interested in protecting, saving, and rescuing women?”

Yes, I am. How can I help you?
1. Do you need protection from a old boyfriend who wants to physically and mentally abuse you? I am a safe harbor.

2. Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior and you are looking to find a Man who has “Christian values too?

3. Are you willing to “serve” Christ by volunteering your time in your Church to help other people?

Ladies, if a man does not offer to help you with any of these life changing things, do yourself a big favor and accept no help from him and run as fast as you can. Never settle for less. You are a “Child of God”.

Exiled

January 7th, 2013
12:14 pm

halo??

Why is she continuing to see a man who gave her a black eye and bruises, and continues to see another woman

Excuse me!

what if she likes Swinging,3Some and rough sex(syringing and stabing while in the cut)?

Is she supposed to do stuff that folks on the outside like as well or shes gone be her(Rihanna)?
Does she owe anybody an explanation…..

Cake Cake Cake Cake Caaake! ………LMAOF!

she likes what she likes so…….

Last time I checked,its very normal people who like spicy stuff so…..

And folks who luv each other can/do tangle physically too,sometimes…..thats the hard,cold truf..whether some people like it or not.

When folks say,’relationships are hard” or they hear that stuff….these are some of the real hard things that do happen.

Last time i checked,only Single folks cant do this,and cant do that while coupled up….they have no problems themselves. LOL

Dreamers!

I tell YA!

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
12:15 pm

disco – It’s basically just that but with a more spiritual significance to it…it’s by Robert S. McGee and i’ve just really started it so not too much to report as of yet. A friend recommended it to to check out to help me get out of this mental rut.

halo46

January 7th, 2013
12:20 pm

Women say they can accept this or that from a man, but as soon as he is out of their sight, then they worry about him (meaning why doesn’t he love me like i love him…boo hoo hoo) all day long and talk it over and over and over with their friends. A woman may say she wants to be friends with benefits, but sooner or later someone falls for the other, and it is normally the woman. And then she wants to change the rules of the game. Ex, you are correct who knows how Rihanna truly feels about the situation, and it is her perogative to do what she feels. In my past experience and with stories from my friends, you finally just wake up and say ‘wtfreak was it thinking to put up with that bs’. ijs….

halo46

January 7th, 2013
12:21 pm

meant ‘was i thinking’

disco

January 7th, 2013
12:22 pm

slim – re books. I couldn’t come up with a suitable new year’s resolution and so opted to commit to reading the classics. at least one a month. when I said it I was thinking the mainstream classics like tale of two cities and all that. since then I think I’ve revamped it and I’m going to read the “black” classics. I pulled a copy of zora neale hurston’s jonah’s gourd vine off my bookshelf this morning. it’s been there for years but I’ve never bothered to read it. figure I’ll find some obscure titles by her, Langston hughes, Richard wright, james Baldwin, whoever.

Exiled

January 7th, 2013
12:30 pm

and Chris Brown hasnt been in a physical with any other womens,so its not as if he is a habitual women basher…ijs…

some of u are in luv with habitual drug dealers fo sho…so Chris Brown pales in comparison to some folks…..
Rihanna truly loves Chris Brown,thats my sense coz she was with other men after that episode and it didnt work out….

AND That includes Drake..and his short confident self…LMAO…!

Exiled

January 7th, 2013
12:31 pm

Enter your comments here

halo46

January 7th, 2013
12:36 pm

Yeah, I love you babe…take this whack over the head. Rihanna may learn her own lessons. Just in my personal opinion, makes me think less of her. And I know I know, she doesnt care what the public thinks. and she shouldn’t. I absolutely love Rihanna’s music, just makes me think of her as immature to accept that bs. Chris is angry, look what happened on GMA. But it is neither here nor there. i have 99 problems and chris brown is not one of them. lol

Willie Dynamite

January 7th, 2013
12:44 pm

Afternoon all,
First of all i know a lil late but Happy New year. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. I know I did and my cup continues to runneth over.

Topic- sure people need saving every now and then. Whether they admit it or even accept it is a non matter that they have to reconcile. The key to me is balance, not necessarily a scorecard per se. You can’t always be a giver/taker. You also can’t give/take with motives. That reeks of game.

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
12:56 pm

disco – Well let me know how it is…i’m looking to up my book reading count this year.

Bluzgirl

January 7th, 2013
1:28 pm

One thing Rihanna should take into consideration is that she does have a lot of young female fans. If she really loves Chris, then fine, but it makes it look acceptable to the impressionable young folks…

Robert

January 7th, 2013
1:28 pm

“Do women today know how to accept that?”

I think “Christian” women understands the difference between love and lust and she will not take it upon herself to find a Man. Christian women of “Faith” know how to stand on their “Faith”. “Christian” women know that “A Man that findth a Wife findth a Good Thing”.

kimmie

January 7th, 2013
1:43 pm

Afternoon Good Blog Friends!

Pardon me but have YOU ever tried being vulnerable and letting someone save you? THAT is scary. THAT is what takes courage.

That’s okay if he’s my husband. A boyfriend, no. I would let others I trust and know,like family and close friends “save” me if I needed it. I assume we’re talking about something big, like I needed rehab or help with a major legal situation, something like that. Or I would allow professionals to save me. Otherwise, I’ve never been able to be “vulnerable” to a man I was just dating. I never trusted any that much.

Rihanna & Chris shouldn’t really be topic of conversation. And if they are what your “child” looks up to as a role model, you have evern deeper issues.

Exiled!

January 7th, 2013
1:51 pm

Kimmie..And if….. Deeper issues’

I was bout to respond to Bluz and u snatched that outta my mouf.

Liking one’s music is one thing..,,and it stops there!

Being a celebrity Ho is some other idiotic thing,in my view.

I take care of my young kids,NOT Rihanna!

SlimNu - More of me, less of you

January 7th, 2013
2:09 pm

Yeah, i’m surprised we’re still talking about Rihanna and CB…

Random: I really love Tamar Braxton’s song, “Love and War” :-)

kimmie

January 7th, 2013
2:11 pm

Exiled – We have to stop giving these celebrities that kind of power over our children. They really should have to look no further than their parents for “role models”. I know everyone is not that fortunate so I’m not talking about those kids whose parents are lazy & sorry or in jail. But just seeing their parents work hard and lead decent lives is a huge step in the right direction, not what some uneducated, ghetto, spoiled singer/dancer/athlete is doing.

kimmie

January 7th, 2013
2:12 pm

Slim – I like it too. She’s talented.