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Dating: Opposed to couples therapy?

I want to start off saying I fully support seeking therapy. I recommend it, even. However, if have just met someone and we are not exclusively dating, couples therapy should not be required. It would be odd and inappropriate. What sort of issues have you uncovered in a three minute, yet to be determined relationship?

I told my friend Vincent that his new love interest may be a little high strung because she wants them to go see her pastor for counseling. Couples counseling. Again, not opposed to seeking therapy, but couples therapy when you’re not a couple? RED FLAG. They only met a few months ago and she has issues with how he communicates already. I guess she is the type to be proactive?

What do you think? Has anyone ever asked you to go to therapy with them? If you had a new relationship and hit rough patch already, would you be willing to work things out with a professional?

Would it bother you if the person you were dating had a therapist or life coach?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

219 comments Add your comment

lee

December 20th, 2012
7:01 am

Seeing a therapist while dating “wow”. If she wants him to go to change him, that is not going to work out.

I did see a therapist before i got divorced – my X wanted to go (i didn’t ) I think it could of worked with someone else but when you go into therapy with the intent of “getting your other half in trouble” Its just not going to work out for you. My X exclaimed to my mother before we had our first session “oh your daughter is going to be in trouble”!! Well it didn’t work out like that, lol, The therapist suggested he seek medication , what a blow that was to his “i’m gonna get her” child like behavior need to always get someone back ego….

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
7:06 am

Morning all

If you had a new relationship and hit rough patch already, would you be willing to work things out with a professional?
Couples counseling early or anytime before we get married, ummm no, if we need counseling before we get married, there go those SEMAPHORE MESSAGES again!

Would it bother you if the person you were dating had a therapist or life coach?
Depends on how long and the circumstances that made them seek therapy.

Has anyone ever asked you to go to therapy with them?
Yes

I’m not against it, but this thinking of every time something happens therapy is the answer, for me it just means that somewhere we forgot to learn life coping skills. Things are going to happen out of the ordinary, it’s how you deal with them that makes the difference.

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
7:10 am

Oh and even in marriage, seeking advice from a pastor (her pastor at that) is out of the question for me. The only advice a pastor can give me is on religion, and then, it would be looked at with open eyes, because he’s just giving his interpretation.

Cherry

December 20th, 2012
7:38 am

Hello, all!!

I would be opposed. What about therapists not or never married? No matter your schooling, how can someone provide insight into matters where you clearly need experience in order to advise, right?

No, I wouldn’t do couples therapy.

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
7:46 am

Cherry, isn’t couples therapy more about getting you to listen to the other, and see it from a different view. What you should be doing if you’re married anyway!! If you have a therapist that’s giving their opinion, then you have the wrong one!

Cherry

December 20th, 2012
8:00 am

@Single, I suppose. Honestly, if a couple is paying a therapist to instruct them in the way that should be common to everyday life, they shouldn’t be a couple. No one person is given the floor all the time. Giving back to hear another’s perspective is just what one does. Relationships more so. IMO, it is just the therapist’s opinion.

Lady~smirk!

December 20th, 2012
8:05 am

Good Topic WD!!!!!! Happy Thursday C & the gang! :-)

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
8:09 am

Cherry, now we all know common sense aint common any more! Life coping skills aren’t taught because we won’t to keep our children safe from any harm, if they are not taught how to cope with adversity when they’re young, how do you expect them to know how to do it as adults.

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
8:09 am

Cherry, now we all know common sense aint common any more! Life coping skills aren’t taught because we won’t to keep our children safe from any harm, if they are not taught how to cope with adversity when they’re young, how do you expect them to know how to do it as adults.

Button

December 20th, 2012
8:52 am

Good morning!

I guess she is the type to be proactive? yes and going a bit over board too soon. If they just started dating and haven’t become exclusive yet then she should annouce her feelings to him about her issues with him about his communication style.

Has anyone ever asked you to go to therapy with them? no

If you had a new relationship and hit rough patch already, would you be willing to work things out with a professional? I’d talk to him first and go from there.

Would it bother you if the person you were dating had a therapist or life coach? Not at all. Heck I have a therapist myself and I love love her! Therapy is so refreshing at least for me. To have someone to talk to and help me get to the root of my issues without being judgemental or putting me down because I feel a certian way or hold on to issues from the past is so releasing.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 20th, 2012
8:56 am

Good rainy morning folks!

Um, it does seem a bit strange to want to suggest couples therapy this early in the game. If things are that bad in a matter of months and you two have not been able to address it, then this is the time to decide whether to keep it moving or not, before you invest anymore of your time & emotions. I think people try and hope things will work out so much that by the time we look up, we’re attached, emotionally connected and probably would choose to stick it out even if we have a nagging feeling this isn’t right for us. But in a mere matter of months, that’s a red flag to me because this should still be the ‘honeymoon phase’ where all is peaches, cream, cherries, fireworks and champagne toasts :???:

disco

December 20th, 2012
9:00 am

good morning everyone.

wow. couples therapy three months in. that sounds crazy and the individual who suggested might need therapy ALONE. lol. now, a couples retreat I might could get with. at least there’s the possibility of a weekend getaway with that one.

I do have a friend who attended couples therapy with her live in boyfriend. me, I told her if it’s not working put him out of your house. she was determined to try to make it work. ultimately, he left her house. I did not say “I told you so”.

S/H – my take on common sense is that it’s perfectly common. the problem is that common isn’t relative. still, everyone has their own version of common cents.

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
9:10 am

Seriously? Couples therapy within a few months of knowing each other? I really cannot imagine doing that.

With the ex, I had asked if he would go to a session with me so he could understand a little more about how my brain works. This was about a year into our relationship (maybe longer). He agreed to go and seemed so supportive, but when it came down to picking a session, he always said no. Through therapy, I learned how to talk to him better…I didn’t want us to go together to solve our problems…I wanted him to learn about mine. To know that is really is true that my brain works differently.

Button

December 20th, 2012
9:14 am

I’m with you disco on a couples retreat.

disco

December 20th, 2012
9:29 am

I’m guessing folks done already dipped out for their holiday travels and other preparations. we are likely now on blog skeleton crew.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 20th, 2012
9:33 am

Bluz – Now I certaintly thought that was a good idea. Too bad he was not REALLY serious about going with you. I’d love to jump at the chance to sit in on a session with a therapist and the beau. That fool is like a Brazil nut…hard to crack :roll:

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 20th, 2012
9:34 am

disco – Pretty much, which makes me dread tomorrow because we’ll probably only have about 30 posts. :cry:

disco

December 20th, 2012
9:39 am

well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be here tomorrow (unless of course, tomorrow really is the end of the world).

Celisea

December 20th, 2012
9:39 am

Heeeey Lady!! I’m snowed under already and first this dang morning…sheesh

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
9:40 am

Slim – Yep…just another thing for me to look back on and see that he didn’t really care much about me and was just using me for a roof over his head! LOL!

I’ll be here tomorrow and half of Monday, although I’m thinking that Mon will not have a new topic.

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
9:46 am

O/T – Ok…I really understand that business was bad and that they couldn’t afford to give us a bonus this year, BUT…it is totally WRONG that they haven’t said a word about it!!! We have all assumed there is no bonus. Usually, we get it by Thanksgiving. I’ve been here about 15 years and to me, it is disrespectful to not even acknowledge us or tell us that they are sorry that we are not getting one.

Had to vent…it really irks me…

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
9:50 am

Slim, what would you like to know that he won’t tell you, or is that a simple answer isn’t what you expect to hear.

DuShawn

December 20th, 2012
9:53 am

“They only met a few months ago and she has issues……already” Who does this? When it’s right, during the first few months of a relationship you should be so sprung that you don’t notice flaws. If it’s right, this should be the time of blind infatuation with limitless possibilities. When my thing was new, I was gone. I was buying Sunflowers daily because they made her smile. When she blew my bathroom up, her sh%^t smelled like potpourri to me. If you are having issues in the first few months, yall not compatible and she’s not the one. Cut your losses and continue your search.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 20th, 2012
9:53 am

Bluz – I’d like to formally advise that there will NOT be any bonuses given this year. However, we do appreciate your loyalty to our business & hard work to keep moving our company forward.

Hows that? :lol:

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
9:59 am

disco

December 20th, 2012
10:06 am

dushawn – don’t know if it’s because I just watched some of it on tv the other day or not but your post read like allen payne in jason’s lyric. “just tell me where you are going to be so I can be there too”. lol.

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
10:15 am

I guess I can spice things up a little in here. I may be hanging out with Magnum tonight. We both have said that we miss the friendship before everything got all messed up. We’ll see…no expectations!

i'm swiss

December 20th, 2012
10:21 am

Sounds like Bluz will be enjoying a yule log this holiday season.

Anybody else got any big plans?

Exiled!

December 20th, 2012
10:22 am

Couples therapy before marriage is for those clingy folks who ‘prophecy’ they saw their mate in a dream and/or God has chosen him..(women,ofcourse).

Its actually more of a hallucination/condition by the prophecee, for which therapy for them to get that cured,as Disco suggested, wld be appropriate.

Adult folk know the diference between Good and Bad unless they have a mental illness! So even for married folks with marital issues,no therapy is necessary, unless if All remedial measures these days care now fashionably called,’THERAPY!”

If it is inability to save money or navigate some financial issues that is causing problems,see a financial planner,seminar of some kind etc.
if it is a medical condition to do with reproductive issues, a doctor or gyno

Infidelity and one of u got caught..talk it out and find the solution each one of u desire..eg walking

If she aint cooking…talk and let her know u got options…if u do…

Which one there requires a Therapist?….none!

Exiled!

December 20th, 2012
10:23 am

are now

and Godd morning MIA!

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
10:26 am

LOL swiss! Nope…not even shaving my legs tonight!

kimmie

December 20th, 2012
10:34 am

Morning Gang!!! 5 mo days till Chrimas!!!

On topic – What I want to know is where such women are meeting these men that would actually go along with such! She’s wanting to go to couples therapy after 3 MONTHS?? And he actually is entertaining the idea? Are you kidding me? When I think about the guys I dated in the past, they would have laughed me right out of their house with that mess, after they got some!!

Pre-MARITAL counseling, cool. If you are having issues after you marry and want help saving your relationship, cool. Otherwise, if we are just dating, if it’s not working then it is not meant to be!! Don’t FORCE IT!

See, this is the type of stuff I can’t stand – folks doing married stuff and trying to act married when they are not, like getting joint credit cards and such. I don’t believe in that at all.

kimmie

December 20th, 2012
10:37 am

If she aint cooking…talk and let her know u got options…if u do…

Exiled – This really cracked me up!LOL!!

i'm swiss

December 20th, 2012
10:38 am

“not even shaving my legs tonight!”

Bluz — What about your p u s s y?

(Hey, somebody said to spice it up in here) :lol:

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
10:40 am

Nope…not gonna landscape at all…that way, I’m not tempted! LOL!

DuShawn

December 20th, 2012
10:45 am

Do yall remember me sharing the situation with my childhood sweetheart that recently relocated to Atlanta? I ate a few meals around her house. She started calling me a lot. How bout I left my phone at home, rushing out to work the other day. She calls, Wifey answers my sh&^t, the chick hangs up, wifey text her back, pretending she’s me.

abc

December 20th, 2012
10:45 am

Perhaps, since a pastor is to be the counselor, it’s Christian Counseling, ergo marriage prep. That in itself may indicate that it’s not a good match — or maybe inidicates the opposite. Kind of hard to tell, with this little information.

That said, I’m not a big believer in head shrinkers, and counseling only works if both parties are receptive. Even if they are, can a 3rd party really tell them something they don’t already know? Which, maybe, is the whole point of going to counseling.

disco

December 20th, 2012
10:48 am

dushawn – so what’s up with the cliffhanger? wifey texted… what did wifey say? what did old girl respond? you are here blogging so it’s safe to assume wifey didn’t kill you.

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
10:48 am

Uh oh DuShawn…that sounds like trouble brewing…

kimmie

December 20th, 2012
10:51 am

Dushawn – Well, you should know better than to play with fire!

DuShawn

December 20th, 2012
10:51 am

In almost the decade plus we have been together, she has never done anything like that. She said something in her gut told her to answer that phone. That women’s intuition is the truth.

disco

December 20th, 2012
10:53 am

dushawn – any chance that when you got home that day you got clocked in the head with a flying phone?

Mark Kerry

December 20th, 2012
10:55 am

It’s funny. Our parents rarely needed therapists, psychologists, relationship experts, dating gurus, etc., yet their relationships lasted far longer than most do these days. Maybe they’re the best ones to take advice from? :=)

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

December 20th, 2012
10:58 am

Morning folks!!!!

Maybe its just me, but I am not sure I would be in favor of couples therapy under ANY circumstance….. I alway felt like sitting there talking toa complete stranger was / is taking the easy way out. If we are close enough to consider sharing our issues with the dad from “Growing Pains” then we should respect each other enough to sit down and listen to each other without a referee……

kimmie

December 20th, 2012
10:59 am

Mark – That’s an interesting spin on it. But just because they stayed together long does not mean all was right with their relationships. Divorce was frowned upon more than now. Women put up with a whole lot more because there were fewer options available. It’s a different day.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 20th, 2012
11:02 am

Going untrimmed ain’t neva stopped anybody….ijs lol

Single and Happy

December 20th, 2012
11:02 am

Mark, our parents usually dated longer than we do now, and they also learned coping skills early in life.

Bluzgirl

December 20th, 2012
11:04 am

Slim – that is true…I don’t wanna go back down that road at this point with him. Not quite ready to dive back in. Just wanna see if the friendship can come back to the way it was…

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

December 20th, 2012
11:06 am

“not gonna landscape at all…that way, I’m not tempted! LOL!”

Hey!!!!! Sometimes a dude looks forward to sniffing aroung in the forrest!!! :) :):)

DuShawn

December 20th, 2012
11:11 am

I get home; ask for my phone and all the text messages had been erased. I reviewe the call log and see an incoming call from sweetheart and an outgoing call back to her. I started preparing my explanation immediately, but we didn’t discuss it. It was like the elephant in the room. The following day the chick kept calling me to warn me about wifey’s behavior. The girl never responded to her text (she governed herself accordingly). In actuality, I’m helping the sweetheart with some revenue forecasting and other schedules she needs for her business plan and she was calling to check on the status. I didn’t sleep with her, so my conscience was clear. When the subject did come up, I explained it to wifey, (left out the part about the meals and how close she lives to the office.), then flipped it to how I thought her behavior was childish, and begin to explain how this chick’s business venture could possibly be our next revenue source. Then gave her the chick’s financials and the research documents on the business. Of course now she wants to meet her.