accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Don’t fall in the gift trap!

I have sent out PSAs before about picking the wrong gifts for the person you have recently met and started to date (Brief recap: Porn and lingerie won’t go over well). I feel the need to also warn single people of the gift trap.

People can sometimes place totally unrealistic, utterly silly expectations on a gift. What it means, what message is being sent, etc. It’s a gift trap, guys. The way to stay out of the gift trap is to first make sure you both are on the same page in terms of commitment!

You don’t want to be faced with getting an extravagant gift as you hand over a $5.00 iTunes gift card (Awwkwaaaard). You also don’t want to be the only one actually buying a gift. That will only lead to “Are they into me the same way I’m into them?” worries. This will kill any sexy time you have planned. It’s lose-lose, man.

Play it safe and avoid the pitfalls of the gift trap: Know your status. Clarify if a gift exchange is planned. Keep the exchange as even as possible as not to stir up unnecessary conflict.

Have you ever been caught in the gift trap? What is the best gift you ever had from someone you were dating?

Did you ever get an odd gift from the person you were dating? I still have this crystal unicorn statue thingy from a guy who was in hot pursuit of me. It took me 12 minutes to figure out what it was. Then another 18 minutes to determine if he thought I was some medieval, fragile creature that doesn’t talk much. See? Gift trap! I would have been totally fine with an iTunes gift card!

Happy Wednesday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

166 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

December 19th, 2012
7:54 am

Bah Humbug!!!

I guess I’ve been doing it wrong all these years, my first gift is always lingerie! If the relationship it that new then no gift exchange will be happening! I’m not one to give out gifts just because. No secret Santa, exchanging with coworkers, friends, or immediate family!

Yes I’m the grinch/scrooge!!

Celisea

December 19th, 2012
7:56 am

Well well well, ain’t this topic a coinkindink :mrgreen:

BBL…..once I get to work!!!

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
8:41 am

Cel..good morning….did you like the gift..and how did the vening go? hope fantab..to use ur lingo.

Gifts…yes, if i really wanted her..i wld gift her some lingerie…for me it was always about sending a message….the cost is not the issue….im not a cheapster if I want something for myself…even items of clothing….
I wldnt care less if she gave me a gift or not or what at what cost….not even an issue..because its me who wld be doing the pursuing and the cajoling…..

Females(Diva) dont understand how fun and exciting it is for some of us men with Big egos who luv to pursue women,live…..and watching as the woman’s interests seem to evolve to wanting you bad…and then bedding her! :lol:

And you know(Diva dont know this), the gift is part of the wooing process…it makes the woman, in some way,realise what type of man you are,even temporarily,if all you are angling for is the warm,rich,shimmy stuff! :lol:

Good morning MIA..kinda chilly!

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
9:10 am

Gooooooooooooood morning (officially)!!

Okay, so I run an errand and get home around 4:00 ish. I call, no answer so, I leave him a message (cause I’m all anxious and stuff). He doesn’t call me back but, just after 5:00 he texts me asking, “did you follow the instructions?” So, I open the box. In the box is a “gift box”….a beautiful box. On that box is a note that says “DO NOT OPEN, BE READY AT 6:00….lolololol When he gets there, I open……..

OMGoodness, there were all sorts of things in it….things he bought from his observation. From my soap and lotion to the candy I like to “thigh highs”, just all sorts of goodies. The best gift of all the chiffon robe. Absolutely exquisite! It was really done good taste… We left afterwards for dinner…..around 7:00 ish

Just soooo well done. Christmas is next week. After all this? What to do, what to do…..lol :mrgreen:

disco

December 19th, 2012
9:16 am

good morning guys.

S/H – as usual, you tickle me. as I was reading the part about lingerie I was thinking that while it might be inappropriate and I might not be into dude like that, I most certainly wouldn’t have a problem accepting it. shoot, some of that stuff is expensive. the fact that dude wouldn’t get to see me in the lingerie he bought is his problem, not mine. lol.

celisea – I’m really feeling your “help me keep the keeper”. that’s what’s up. good luck with that. (btw, just in case it doesn’t read properly my good luck with not is not being said with sarcasm. I’m straight up this a.m.)

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
9:25 am

disco – I’ll take it!! lolololol

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
9:31 am

Honestly, I’m not cool with someone buying lingerie. I’m not. Not as a first gift anyway. Unless we start dating in January and you buy it as a “first gift” Christmas 11 months later….lol For me, it would send the wrong message. Especially if we start dating in January and it’s given for Valentine’s Day. Well, I guess by then, most folks have smashed.

Not knocking anyone else, but for me, that would seem inappropriate, as a first gift.

Bluzgirl

December 19th, 2012
9:35 am

It’s kind of nice that this year, I don’t have to worry about buying anything for a man. I like it! Money has been tight anyways and I’m not the best at picking out gifts. I did already know what I would get the Young One if things worked out, but they haven’t worked out, so I’m not gonna worry about it!

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
9:35 am

Oh, while I was running my errand waaaaay up in Marietta, I got turned around. I put the street name in my car’s GPS but failed to put the building number. I didn’t know where to go from there so, I flagged down a cop. Wouldn’t you know he was a brother…a nice looking brother…lol So, I asked him to point me and he does. Apparently I take what he says literally and turn right at the next street. So I’m driving about two miles off the main road only to come to an opening that appears to be some sort of training site. There’s a gun range that sits waaaaay back and about 5 buildings. As I’m turning around to pull out, feeling a little frustrated, who do I see pulling in? THE COP! He pulls up next to me and apologizes. Then he says, “follow me, I’ll take you there.” Mmm mmm mmm buddy shole was good looking.

Iyayayaya, if it weren’t for my gift box and my boo, I might would have asked him “what’s uuuuup?” I KID I KID, honestly, I was surprised that he made the extra effort.

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
9:42 am

That’s right, know your status = recently met someone = no need for gift exchanges. A holiday wish should suffice.

That was wonderful, Celisea!

Good morning!

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
9:46 am

Leggs – Thanks! I’m feeling :mrgreen: right about now.

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
9:48 am

Ex ~ just to let you know I have no ill feelings toward you. If you want to bypass my posts, I’m fine with that. Just wanted you to know I have anything against you. So, here’s my truce!

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

December 19th, 2012
9:54 am

Funny this should be the topic of the day……

This woman I have seen a few time recently asked to see my tablet… She pulled up a website and then just closed it out… She knew I would look to see where she went…I took the bait and did…

Two questions for the ladies…..
1st. What do you think of the bags?
2nd. Should i go with it and bet the gift she has set me up for????/

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

December 19th, 2012
9:57 am

Damn ….Forgot to include the link…..

Here we go…..

http://www.seatbeltbags.com/chestnut.html

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
10:06 am

Ummm????? Bags not my taste, but apparently they’re hers. If you want to spend that kind of money on someone you’ve seen a few times, you’re setting yourself up!

disco

December 19th, 2012
10:12 am

courtside – I feel two kinds of way about old girl’s move. on the one hand she did manage to show you what she wanted. on the other hand, she didn’t open her mouth and tell you what she wanted. she’s a grown woman. she ought to know the average man isn’t good with hints. lol. supposing, just supposing, you hadn’t bothered to check what site she looked at. she’d be azz out.

hey leggs!!!

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
10:14 am

Cel…seems it was really nice..thats real good for u..seems dude is really feeling u like that…

since u asked,”what to do” …i guess u work it based on what ur desires are…either u want a long term relationship that goes all the waay or u you dont want to go all the way but want something concrete…he is grown..just let him know and let him handle it however way u spin it…

slow slow slow is good by me…as my sister….some of these men really go bust as welll after a period..so..slow and steady is good.

@Leggs…im not sure how to respond..honestly, i dont know who hates me or likes me but i really dont focus on that…i jus wanna contribute my way and disagree without acrimony with anybody…….

disco

December 19th, 2012
10:14 am

just looked at the bags. I’m not really feeling that either.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

December 19th, 2012
10:15 am

Leggs, She is all into living green and these bags are all made of recycled car seatbelts….. Not really sweating the cost cause she is cool enough but I do want her to know that if I go ahead and get one, its beacuse I wanted to, not because she gamed me…..

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
10:20 am

Courtside…lol..im laughing..that was a hoe move……thanks for the link anyway..nice bags!

:lol: :lol:

see…if she has to demand a gift,even subtly like that..for me, i may buy it..but its a smash,grab and run once she shows me that side of her.
hoe move…
For a steady chic, I. like more class than that!

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:20 am

Heeeey Meello – It was really thought out and well done. When I asked “what to do, what to do”, I mean in the terms of what to buy him for Christmas….lol Oh, he’s a keeper. I have no question or doubt about that. Grant it, we’ve been talking for months and just gone solid a couple of months. Remember, I wasn’t going to do too much for Christmas? That’s where I was leaning with that question. I think though, I’m sticking to my original plan of a “simple gift.” That was my birthday and I don’t try and outdo….not my thing. But, I appreciate you appreciating the steps he’s made so far. I sure do :mrgreen:

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:22 am

meant not mean

disco

December 19th, 2012
10:23 am

celisea – just out of curiosity, are you walking around grinning in real life like your blog emoticons? if a theme song played while you walked, what would it be?

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:25 am

disco – LOLOLOLOLOL….yuuup

I’m walking on sunshine whooa-o, and don’t it feel good!! Aaah yeah now, and don’t it feel good!

Okay, Imma bring it down a notch….lololol

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
10:30 am

Ex ~ you don’t know to respond, cool! You came at me, just wanted to let you know I was putting it all behind me. “Just want to disagree without acrimony with anybody…….” then do that! No sweat!

Hello, disco! I thought the same in terms of why didn’t she just speak up. She could have taken the tablet then handed it back to him saying she likes this style of purse…something.

“…but I do want her to know that if I go ahead and get one, its beacuse I wanted to, not because she gamed me…..” Ok, how you gonna pull that off (lol)?

disco

December 19th, 2012
10:33 am

C – funny you picked that song. I had a co-worker that I swear had a sunbeams following her when she was engaged. it was like she didn’t walk, she skipped. her happiness was just overflowing. and, not to be all up in your business but these things are always interesting to me. do you have a special ringtone song for your fella? care to share? I may have mentioned on here before that whenever I call my brother he answers the phone cracking up. apparently his ring tone from me is some line from coming to America. I’ve never seen the movie so didn’t get the reference but it cracks him up.

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
10:33 am

You came at me

@Leggs… maybe its me…i dont understand what u mean by “came at me”

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
10:36 am

Yes sir, it’s you. No longer important, Ex. It’s squashed! Let’s go forward and be productive residents of Blogsville!

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:39 am

disco – I’m happy that I had a really nice birthday…haven’t had one in a good while with a dude. Y’all know it takes me FO-EVA to get in that sort of arena. And there’s a bit of residual stuff happening this morning, but really, I’m more even keel than what you see. It’s just been a dern minute…lol With that being said, nope, I don’t do the ring tones stuff nor do I write my name and his last name….lololol

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
10:40 am

I wasn’t going to do too much for Christmas? That’s where I was leaning with that question

@Cel….are u a Christmas giver or u not..generally?

I am not generally coz growing up, my folks did not celebrate births and xmas…so i am very timid and indifferent to gift giving at xmas but love the holiday spirit and food still..so my wife pulls the stops..gifting me..sometimes i dont even buy her a thang…she now understands….its not personal…its just my psyche..

If u digging this guy and are a gift giver..show him u digg him…if u not a xmas giver,then just do u..no need to set false expectations that u wont repeat down the road…

As a dude, i cant help musing to myself tho…if Cel digs dude,this gift has topped it….and… and if They have compromised already,she gon get him something Precious! :lol: (maybe i asked the question indirectly) :lol:

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:41 am

I should clarify, it takes me fo-eva to feel a dude, encounter a sincere dude, or believe one is sincere. There may have been some along the way, but if you ain’t will to show that your intentions are real, it just as well be a bust…for me. Not about me or me being all that or me being difficult. But, I need to know….I just do.

Single and Happy

December 19th, 2012
10:41 am

Disco, when I buy anyone lingerie I’m going to see you in it, because we will be at that point.If I don’t see you wearing that, don’t worry about me buying you anything else. I put a lot of time and effort into picking out gifts, because I’ll only buy them for someone special. And I have no problem with them returning it and getting something that they will use and enjoy. I’m not really into the wining and dining trying to woo someone, take me as I am, or don’t take me at all. Wooing wining and dining are GF privileges for me. If birthdays, or “special holidays” come up before we get to that point, If a simple dinner isn’t enough, oh well.

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:50 am

MMeello – You’re funny….I’m feeling your 10:40.

I’m a gift giver and not just to dudes. I should say, I’m not that woman that’s leaving notes around, writing poems, singing you love songs…all in an effort to constantly woo you. No need for that….IMO However, I am that woman that when I do something (not just limited to boos), I believe in doing it well. Sometimes that means spending and sometimes that means getting quality stuff for the low low. I don’t make it a practice to hit the clearance and sales racks when I’m purchasing for others, but I don’t snub it either. For anybody I’ve ever bought for, they can tell you, it’s gonna be 100….all the way. My mom is an old lady, for her, at this age where she don’t enjoy too much material and really can’t comprehend, she’s gonna “look” a million though…by me :) Just how I am. So, I’ll get him something that will be oh so simple but very elegant. What that is? I don’t know yet…lololol

To your other “indirect” question….ummm, how about I take a pass on answering…lol

disco

December 19th, 2012
10:52 am

S/H – why that’s all fine and dandy. thing is we were talking about (or at least I was) guys that give lingerie before they are in a “lingerie place” with a chick. trust me I won’t feel compelled to model it just because some buster dude bought it. if I don’t like it I might tell him it’s too soon for that type of gift. if it’s kind of fly and I could see me in it, well, I’m just going to say thank you, accept the gift and keep on keeping on.

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:52 am

To clarify, when I say I’m not constantly “wooing”, IMO that’s the chick that feels she needs to keep relighting, reinventing. Do the dang thing once and let it evolve. lolololol

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
10:53 am

I wanted to tell Disco this….met a lady at the train station on the platform…she asks me about the schedule etc(it was weekend) anyway..after a copule of minutes..she comes to me again,showing some on her phone..me trying to grab and have a close look, she pulls away saying,’oh,dont touch it”..anyway,she shows me a pic of her baby,then says,”Isnt she beautiful???”.. :lol:

At that point, I thought of Disco…. :lol:
All babies are cute anyway..so my answer was “Yes” nothing more……

somethig about the lady was just not right to me..why ask me the question…i dont know.

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
10:54 am

Awwww, my laid back dude here just gave me a “big ole thing of chocolate” and my dude in NC just sent me a Starbucks e/gift card…

Single and Happy

December 19th, 2012
10:55 am

Disco, I give no gift before it’s time (LOL) and you got to be special to me, and me to you before the first gift is giving. :-)

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
11:00 am

“IMO that’s the chick that feels she needs to keep relighting, reinventing. Do the dang thing once and let it evolve. lolololol” – Every time I see comments like this, my brain automatically goes to Jackie Christie. It baffles me every year a wedding, but it works for them and they’re not concerned that I’m baffled (lol).

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
11:01 am

Leggs – That’s about the craziest thing….I agree

disco

December 19th, 2012
11:06 am

ex – what? the lady’s baby wasn’t cute? why else would you think of me?

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

December 19th, 2012
11:06 am

Whats wrong with relighting,or reinventing??? Why not put in teh work to keep it fresh so that we co not have to have the conversatin from yesterday……

Robert

December 19th, 2012
11:08 am

“Have you ever been caught in the gift trap?”

Ladies & Gentlemen, if you are having a hard time deciding on what to give your significant other I have a few good ideas use can use free of charge. After all the best things in life are free.

1. I.O.U’s – These are still very popular especially if experiencing financial difficulty. Men and women both love $$$ gifts.

2. Handyman/woman – We all need a good handyman/woman to fix and organize things around the house for free. I could sure use a handywoman to clean-up my house. My closet is a mess. I need to donate shoes and clothes I do not wear anymore.

3. Childcare – When was the last time you volunteered to babysit for free. Your BFF will appreciate your jesture.

4. Adultcare – Grandma/pa can sure use a night out on the town. Majic City here we come.

5. Doctor Care – Take your loved one to the doctor. Women love going to the doctor with their man so they can ask all the questions they want. When was the last time you and your mate had a physical exam? As a rule I encourage my women to go to the doctor with me so we both can be checked out for any and everything. You can not take going to the doctor lightly anymore especially if you are dating and are sexually active. Best gift idea ever.

disco

December 19th, 2012
11:09 am

leggs – who is Jackie Christie?

Single and Happy

December 19th, 2012
11:11 am

Ex, was like the Seinfeld episode with the ugly baby that was scaring everybody (LOL)

Disco saw that episode a few weeks ago, and thought of you also (LOL) “all babies aren’t cute”

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
11:12 am

IMO…and mine alone, that’s a sign of insecurity. There’s a difference in keeping things fresh, an intentional efforts from both sides versus a chick that going into overkill, all to impress. Where’s his/her effort (the person that’s on the receiving end of said notes and poems and writings and post its)?? lololololol

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
11:14 am

Soooooooooooo not happening. I’ve raised my kid and they should probably do the same. Can’t get away cause of the kid(s)? Well, such is life.

Childcare – When was the last time you volunteered to babysit for free. Your BFF will appreciate your jesture.

4. Adultcare – Grandma/pa can sure use a night out on the town. Majic City here we come.

Exiled!

December 19th, 2012
11:14 am

@Disco…coz u have mentioned ur indiffrence to women talking bout their babies at work…

Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol

December 19th, 2012
11:15 am

Further to my “insecurity” definition, “constantly” stroking another ain’t necessary. Building your man/woman, supporting, being in their corner…yep all day long. Stroking your ego? Not so much

Leggs

December 19th, 2012
11:16 am

disco ~ too funny. Jackie Christie is on BBWives L.A. She’s married to Doug Christie. Been married 17 years I believe. She’s an emotional wreck, easy to cry, starves for attention, and hears what she wants to hears. I even think she makes things up in her mind. Nonetheless, she loves her husband. Her husband loves her too, but I would bet he’s afraid of her as well.

Courtside ~ nothing wrong with keeping your relationship fresh and exciting, that’s what couples should do.