Dating: Don’t fall in the gift trap!
I have sent out PSAs before about picking the wrong gifts for the person you have recently met and started to date (Brief recap: Porn and lingerie won’t go over well). I feel the need to also warn single people of the gift trap.
People can sometimes place totally unrealistic, utterly silly expectations on a gift. What it means, what message is being sent, etc. It’s a gift trap, guys. The way to stay out of the gift trap is to first make sure you both are on the same page in terms of commitment!
You don’t want to be faced with getting an extravagant gift as you hand over a $5.00 iTunes gift card (Awwkwaaaard). You also don’t want to be the only one actually buying a gift. That will only lead to “Are they into me the same way I’m into them?” worries. This will kill any sexy time you have planned. It’s lose-lose, man.
Play it safe and avoid the pitfalls of the gift trap: Know your status. Clarify if a gift exchange is planned. Keep the exchange as even as possible as not to stir up unnecessary conflict.
Have you ever been caught in the gift trap? What is the best gift you ever had from someone you were dating?
Did you ever get an odd gift from the person you were dating? I still have this crystal unicorn statue thingy from a guy who was in hot pursuit of me. It took me 12 minutes to figure out what it was. Then another 18 minutes to determine if he thought I was some medieval, fragile creature that doesn’t talk much. See? Gift trap! I would have been totally fine with an iTunes gift card!
Happy Wednesday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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166 comments Add your comment
Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol
December 19th, 2012
11:18 am
Been married 17 years I believe. She’s an emotional wreck, easy to cry, starves for attention, and hears what she wants to hears
= (equals)
Post it notes, poems, writings, singing…..lololololol
Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol
December 19th, 2012
11:19 am
Oh, I left off spending, buying friendship
disco
December 19th, 2012
11:21 am
ex – lol. yep. that would be me.
s/h – that would be me also. I was in the grocery store a few weeks back and I swear I saw a baby that was so daggone homely that I bucked back a bit and literally made a sound like “oooh”. I know. it’s wrong but it is what it is.
kimmie
December 19th, 2012
11:22 am
Hey Blog Gang!!
The direct approach is best, if your relationship is new. You are past the “no gift expected” stage, but before “nice gift expected”. In past cases like that, I baked dude cookies and put them in a nice tin, along with a card and called it a day.
I got my boo 3 nice “date night” type shirts. Fitted, tailored shirts that are nice, but not a dress shirt. He’s gonna look hot in them. I am getting him some of that new cologne by Chanel and a gift card for a massage.
I’ve never gotten lingere from a guy I dated, so I’ve never been in a position of awkwardness there. One guy gave me a VS gift card, and I got some nice items, but he never saw me in them, cause he showed his behind and didn’t earn that luxury! My hubs gave me a robe and slippers on our 2nd Christmas of dating, but it did not count as lingere.
I really never believed in spending a ton of money on gifts while dating. Nice stuff, yes, but I know folks who went over the top with it. Even if you got it like that, I just believe in showing a little restraint until you are married, but that’s me. The most expensive Christmas present I’ve gotten was my engagement ring!
disco
December 19th, 2012
11:24 am
kimmie – re engagement ring most expensive gift received. to that I say, “I should hope so”. lol.
kimmie
December 19th, 2012
11:27 am
I don’t care much for Courtside lady’s bags, but they are a unique idea. I guess I’m different, cause I would feel a little apprehensive asking a dude I was just seeing occasionally for such an expensive gift. But that’s me.
kimmie
December 19th, 2012
11:27 am
Disco – You right!!
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
11:28 am
I’ve received lingerie from a committee member I had to return.
I would imagine all that may be going on, Celisea.
Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol
December 19th, 2012
11:30 am
Random
Off topic:
Have you ever just “known” something and went along? What’s the greater disservice, going along and allowing them to think they’re doing the dang thing or snatching the rug??
Don’t mind me, that was random and rhetorical….lolololol
disco
December 19th, 2012
11:30 am
courtside – where are you? (not that I really need you but I’m going to respond to kimmie’s post re your girl and her bag)
kimmie – I see several possibilities with that one. by the way how much were the bags? I looked but didn’t check prices. anyway, she could have it like that herself and thus expect others to have it like that as well. some folks are just like that. she could be the spoiled type that feels entitled to whatever she asks for. or, she could just be running game, putting it out there and seeing if some sucker (no offense courtside) bites. who knows? maybe she asked half a dozen guys for the exact same bag. lol.
Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol
December 19th, 2012
11:32 am
Leggs – Yeah, I would imagine so. Po thang
Celisea......help me keep the keeper...lol
December 19th, 2012
11:33 am
One arm spinning a 10 armed wheel has got to be tiring…
Another random…
Off to work now
kimmie
December 19th, 2012
11:35 am
disco – None of the bags were under $100. But everything you mentioned is a possibiltiy, I agree.
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
11:37 am
kimmie ~ she should have shown him what she liked then let him ponder on whether he would surprise her by purchasing it. Not pulling up the site, then closing it and handing him back the tablet. She must be one powerhouse where she doesn’t even need to speak to receive such an expensive gift only after seeing him a few times (lol).
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
11:38 am
disco, Right here in Duluth
.. I am pretty good when it comes to gift giving. I give freely to those that I deal with and do not usally expect much back ( Not in the way of presents that is LOLOLOL). The bags she pointed out top out at like $250.00 or so…. Not really that much but still……..
Robert
December 19th, 2012
11:38 am
@kimmie – “I’ve never gotten lingere from a guy I dated”
Most men like to see their woman wear their dress shirts and tee shirts while spending the night. The only time I see my woman in lingere (briefly) is if we are traveling out of town and staying in a hotel. I prefer if we both sleep naked (birthday suits) all the time.
kimmie
December 19th, 2012
11:42 am
She must be one powerhouse where she doesn’t even need to speak to receive such an expensive gift only after seeing him a few times (lol).
Leggs – Yeah. Pretty slick!!LOL!!
Most men like to see their woman wear their dress shirts and tee shirts while spending the night.
Robert – Gotta admit, that sounds pretty sexy.
Exiled!
December 19th, 2012
11:46 am
Disco..i had a workmate,back in the day ask me to buy her from a cataloque she showed me..as an Xmas present…but in exchange for a lay up….
we just didnt follow thru with it…scheduling conflict..
Dang she was nice!
disco
December 19th, 2012
11:52 am
ex – on the one hand, that’s messed up. on the other hand, I respect her game. you got to put in to get out. lol. by chance do you remember what she wanted you to buy her?
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
11:54 am
Courtside, first pic of bag topped out at $278.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
12:13 pm
Leggs….same ball park….If I go that route, I will get one in the $100 to $150 range. Nice investment, but not TOO NICE….
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
12:17 pm
Courtside, so you’re looking for a return on that gift? I thought gifts were just that gifts (lol).
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
12:19 pm
Courtside ~ have you been away and recently moved back to the ATL?
Exiled!
December 19th, 2012
12:20 pm
No cant remember what she wanted, Disco…
chic even had a boyfriend, she told me…i had stepped to her but had been rebudffed..we became lunch buddies…..so we became more comfy with each other…
Xmas season rolls and we in the breakroom and she showing me stuff she likes….
so i threw in the bone,’ur guy is lame or he wld buy that!”….now All greedy heffas with expensive fashion sense/taste will lick their chops when they hear this…
she did bite…”so will u buy it for me Meeelo,plz”
I said, ‘uhu.uuu…when u wont even let me hit it?”
“U got it!”..she mutters..
That was set….but for my lack of follow thru…
I still think bout that chic..phine as chocolate
Bluzgirl
December 19th, 2012
12:21 pm
Also Courtside, there were several different bags on that page…it would be hard to know which style she would want…
Exiled!
December 19th, 2012
12:27 pm
Im sure the website wont mind anyone buying and returning for a similar prized bag…the heffa knows this already….
or she hustling…there is a recession..just get a good lady bag….re-sale it
If Courtside is new in Atlanta…yea,he may be taken as well
Lot of phine looking chics running game.
Jake-SPJTWB
December 19th, 2012
12:34 pm
Hey Good Peeps, how the hell are you?? Got this foot off my neck for a sec.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
12:36 pm
Leggs, No, moved here to go to school in 2000… Like the city so much I stayed
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
12:40 pm
Hello, SPJ!
Tks for answering Courtside. How did your girl feel about being on the Kiss Cam?
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
12:57 pm
LOL…..I was not caught on the kiss cam….Long story, but sad to say it was not me
Lee
December 19th, 2012
1:08 pm
I don’t worry about gifts if we are just dating, if we are in a relationship that is different story. I am a nice gift giver
so you are going to get something expensive, last gift i gave was to my X it was a receiver for the stereo.
As for Courtside– i would never do something so chessy as what she did.. i know plenty of chiks that demand a expensive designer bag –its part of their game if that is what you want to call it. I would wait to see how things went.
Bluzgirl
December 19th, 2012
1:12 pm
O/T – I had my Tarot cards read for the first time last night. Was pretty interesting and right on. Only thing is…a friend did them, so I’d be more interested to see how it would be with someone who doesn’t know me at all…
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
1:28 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYh5pC6ETII
Ok…The finest, sexiest, most talented woman in the entertainment world……………
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
1:40 pm
Then that makes even more interesting Courtside! Spill the beans.
DuShawn
December 19th, 2012
1:48 pm
“I gotta f&*#kin problem”…. Man, I just saw finest Asian chick I have ever seen. She had on some jeans, a sweater and some boots, nothing fancy. She had a body like a sista and moved with such elegance. When baby walked in the room, it seemed like she was in slow motion and the wind was blowing thru her hair like in a music video. Every dude in the spot was in awe and watched her every step (with their mouths hangin open). Typically, this is the exact moment when I would bum rush and introduce myself, while other men are still trying to build their confidence, but I (like the rest of the busters) let her get away without giving her an opportunity to choose. Dayum, I’m slippin. I can’t get the vision of how her a$$ looked in them jeans out of my head. This chick was special.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
1:51 pm
Ok… At the Hawks game with my Buddy….we are siiting in the lower ring but not nearly the best seats in the house. My buddy and I are standing in line to get a couple of beers and we start to chat up these two ladies. They are laughing and having a good time and as we wait ( about 5 minutes) I feel like they might be game to hang out afterwards….. I ask and the older and sexier of the two says..” well lets wait and see” If we run into you guys on the way out, then maybe”… I get a bit hyped. and we go our separate ways, but of course we watch to see what isle they go down so that we can be ther after the game… Well, the third quater comes along anthey put the kiss cam up on the big board.To my horror, there she is… laying a Big ole wet one on some dude right in front of the whole damn place… My boys say I suffered a death by Kiss Cam. So now the running joke is when ever there is that out of reach girl that someone notices, Leave it alone..or she will put you on the Jumbo Tron kiss cam…..
disco
December 19th, 2012
2:09 pm
courtside – that’s funny. it’s funny that she was on the cam but it’s funnier that y’all were straight calculating how to be in their space after the game.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 19th, 2012
2:10 pm
Afternoon folks,
I have NO earthly idea what to get the beau for Christmas and whenever I ask what he wants, the answer is I DON’T KNOW…welll, I don’t know either
I’m really not in the mood for this holiday anyway..
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
2:12 pm
disco…yeah…classic case of putting the cart before the horse…LOL
DuShawn
December 19th, 2012
2:13 pm
Courtside….So what happened? Did you still follow up? She might not have been with dude or did the manner of the kiss leave little doubt
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 19th, 2012
2:14 pm
I have not read any comments yet so lemme try to catch up
Leggs
December 19th, 2012
2:16 pm
Courtside ~ you got it disco. He’s up their plotting, and she’s sending a msg “don’t even bother” (rofl).
kimmie
December 19th, 2012
2:18 pm
DuShawn – Are you married or not???? If you are, then you’re not slipping, just honoring your wedding vows!!
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 19th, 2012
2:22 pm
DuShawn, When I was younger and a bit more Hawkish, I would a have said “F**K it and took the shot anyway, but at this point my eyes are open enough to know when to take it to the hole and when to stand on the bench and cheer like M.L Carr…towel waving and all……
DuShawn
December 19th, 2012
2:29 pm
I would’ve gone right around to her section and posted up, trying to get some eye contact. In my warped mind, I would’ve been thinking….”She’s probably not with dude…they didn’t even tongue….I may still have a chance…we shared a special moment at the concession stand…..f&*k it I’m going over there”
-Courtside- I’m just tripping, you got to know when to fold them.
-Kimmie- I was just typing what I was thinking. I wouldn’t be dishonoring any vows by having a conversation with that one!
Willie Dynamite
December 19th, 2012
2:39 pm
Afternoon all,
Gift trap, what is that? Luckily I have not been in a position where is caused me angst. Then again it was probably lack of care. The only time I ever cared about what kind of gift to give was with wifey. That was another sign I guess that she was the one.
What else you good folks got going? Let me read a lil.
Sassy Me...Ain't no future in your frontin' ;-)
December 19th, 2012
2:46 pm
I have NO earthly idea what to get the beau for Christmas and whenever I ask what he wants, the answer is I DON’T KNOW…
Mr. Bermuda says the same thing but I pay attention to what he says in passing or shows an interest in and try to go from there. So far I’ve been doing pretty good. This year he wants to do something different so we’ll see what happens…
Our office Christmas was slammin today…it’s all quiet n stuff now cause folks are either in a food coma or gone on holiday leave…
Bluzgirl
December 19th, 2012
2:54 pm
I’m so sleepy today and have to work the Carrie Underwood concert tonight. Blah!!!
Single and Happy
December 19th, 2012
2:59 pm
Robert, Kimmie, umm no one sleeps in lingerie (LOL)
DuShawn
December 19th, 2012
3:05 pm
(Just another random thought, to make these last couple of hour go by faster) I have noticed a disturbing redundancy in my comments. Either I am describing some wild event from the past or divulging too much personal information on my marital situation. Neither of which has anything to do with the dating scene. It just dawned on me, I haven’t dated since the f&*kin nineties. So I’m really clueless and have very little of value to add to most discussions. Often I just lurk, and think dayum these muffukas are boring. Let me tell them this crazy sh&*t that happened to me twenty years ago, or the unbelievable events that took place the other night. I would never tell any of my friends some of the things I share here. It would be disrespectful to the participants. As a matter of fact, if wifey ever stumbled upon this blog and read how much of our business I have written for the world to see, she would bust my forehead to the white meat with this very laptop.