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City & State or ZIP

Butt pads have to come off, eventually

In his new book, It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be), my buddy Paul Carrick Brunson actually titled a chapter “Butt Pads Have to Come Off” and yes I giggled like a 3rd grader.

We have all been guilty of “playing up our strengths” and “putting our best foot forward” when we first meet someone. Unfortunately, some people take it too far. I always make a point to have brunch with a new guy I am dating. I secretly call it my Diva-light Brunch (shut up, it’s cute).

I purposely dress down, wear no makeup, and show up barely looking presentable. I do this because as much as I love to go all glam and girly, I want the guy I marry to know the real me. The me that gets cranky in the mornings (most?). The real me that hates being ignored but does not jockey for attention. The real me who hates wearing uncomfortable shoes for countless hours. That is the me he is obligated to love too, right?

I have heard that men sometimes wonder who is really underneath all the hair extensions, makeup, butt pads, push up bras, and Pollyanna personality. The woman they see in the early stages of dating is who they like, but who will they love? The sooner a woman shows her vulnerable, stripped down, unsavory flaws, the better they seem to feel about going to the next level with her.

Even though it is scary and slightly terrifying to let your guard down, eventually you have to take the butt pads off people! What kind of butt pads do you have to take off so people see the real you?

How long does it take before you are supremely comfortable with the person you are dating?

How do you know when the butt pads are off – and things get REAL?

P.S. For the record? I do not own, nor have I ever worn butt pads. Just sayin’

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

121 comments Add your comment

lee

December 18th, 2012
7:23 am

The only thing i wear is makeup and that is once in awhile, so you are seeing me right away. I never even get my nails done (my nails are fine just the way they are). No extra eye-lashes no padding (i have enough) Though i do love wearing heals on a date…

Exiled!

December 18th, 2012
7:34 am

Nice post Diva!

I agree..by the third date a woman must be peeling off!
The layers of frontness,that is. Not necessarily the clothes altho that also will help. Better yet,if you actually sleep the whole nite with her,then get to see her face no make,when she is asleep and when she yawns,early in the morn and when she walks to the bathroom,butt nekk’d.

If after All that,it’s still a GO,you got a winner!

But it’s very competitive out there so chics aren’t going to be upfront ‘too’ soon. So it’s not surprising a dude is gon be sucked in for a long time,all the while thinking she got a firm butt or her tatas really bounce and rock…oblivious to the deception! :lol: some chics are even going to keep the bras on when u do the nasty! Low self esteem is a mfck$$@!

So how soon ladies,how much time do u need…..
This is the one issue here that makes guts peevish…

The sooner All your cards are in the table,the better and sooner he makes a commutment or non there of.

Exiled!

December 18th, 2012
7:36 am

Guys peevish..

@lee.. How bout ur hair,is it real.

I’m sure he wkd want to see your body too..bare

How soon for you?

Exiled!

December 18th, 2012
7:38 am

On the table

Single and Happy

December 18th, 2012
8:10 am

Hello all
Since I don’t go for the glamour girl, no problems there, love the tone downed look. If you look good in Walmart with no make-up, sweat pants, and a baseball cap, just think what you’ll look like when you want to look good.

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
8:45 am

Diva, I laughed at your post this morning…lol

Well, I’m just lil ole plain me. No make-up, no butt pads, definitely not Beyonce (bootylicious). No implants, not as ahem “perky” as I was say 20 years ago…no shame in that either….lol I take baths daily (sometimes twice when Aunt Flow makes a visit), I brush my teeth daily, I wash my face separate from bathing (weird?). I could lose about 5 – 10 pounds but it’s all good :mrgreen: No weave, no fake nails or eyelashes… No layers to get through before getting down to the bare minimum. All I wear is a brown gloss….sometimes (if I don’t forget to put it on).

I never have been into being “done up.” I’ve always like nice shoes/clothes but never anything too much more than that.

Lee

December 18th, 2012
8:49 am

Nope hair is not real, lol…. i started @ 15 years old getting those white hairs.. so i do color it , but i am up-front about it , cause you will find out … i could color my hair every other week, and i have been all white haired since my 30’s

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
8:55 am

MMeello – You are funny my man. You never surprise me…lol

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
9:22 am

“…and show up barely looking presentable.” – I laughed then I grimaced. Barely is not a good look (lol). I get your drift though.

I wear little makeup, never had weave, don’t wear fake nails, no breast implants (thank goodness to the breast God that I finally have some), no eye shadow. Eyeliner and lipstick. I like to look nice, but don’t want to look like a walking mannequin!

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
9:48 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLACKFOOTE, WILLIED and CELISEA!!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:02 am

Awwww Leggs – Thanks!

So far today, I’ve received a “sing-o-gram” (lol)…well two now including yours, Leggs,3 emails, 2 texts, 4 cards………AND A BOX (from my boo)!

The box was “personally” delivered this morning with instructions…lol “DO NOT OPEN before 5:00. See you then!” :mrgreen:

disco

December 18th, 2012
10:05 am

good morning. not that we talking booty pads. lol. fortunately for me I gots plenty back. I won’t front though, I could go for some hip pads. don’t know how I got all this backside and no hips. a freaking anomaly.

celisea – your bathing made me think of my grandmother. she said “baze” as in “go on get in the tub and baze off”. lol.

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:08 am

disco – Remember how Martin use to clown Gina for her tight butt sans the hips cause she worked out so much? He would say she could pick up a brick with her butt…lolol

That “baze” reminds me of the kid’s great granny. She was from that age. My mom was too but she’s all prim and proper and (use to be) Ms. Booghee…lol She was have a stroke if she heard “baze.” So she would probably claim. But she’s from the old old, way back when days.

Bluzgirl

December 18th, 2012
10:08 am

I’m the type of girl that you see what you get! I’m not a girlie girl at all. I only wear concealer, except on special occasions. You will get the real me from the beginning and love me or don’t!

disco

December 18th, 2012
10:11 am

C – naw I don’t remember that on martin. maybe I blocked it out. lol. I’ll have to pay more attention when I’m walking. I’m straight up and down on the sides and it’s a detriment because I love to throw my hands on my hips. usually I get away with it but every now and again someone will call me out for putting my hands on my non-existent hips and then I’m standing there feeling some kind of way.

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:12 am

I think I’d rather have more hips than butt…being a woman. A man with a big ole butt is just ugggh….lolol

I’ve also mentioned here how my sisters were the “Butt Sisters”…Bertha Butts and one would clown me and ask what happened. And like I’ve posted here before. Ain’t nothing like “settling nicely.” :mrgreen: You don’t have much? You won’t have much to just go everywhere when gravity kicks in and elasticity starts to loosen. As me where those big ole butts are now? In the front, in the back, in the gut….lololol I still love ‘em though Booyaaah, turned to “big guls”

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 18th, 2012
10:13 am

Love the casual look on a lady, especially knowing she will be more sexy when she spruces up.

Thanks Leggs for your shout out.

Happy Birthday Celisea and Willie D.

Back under the stairwell, to do interviews. Y’all have a great day.

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:14 am

Happy Birthday Blackfoote!!!! Come from under those stairs, it’s ya birthday!

disco

December 18th, 2012
10:17 am

C – my mother has 6 sisters. some have straight up ghetto fab ba-donk-a-donks. some are just regular run of the mill. one has no backside to speak of but she has killer hips. she hates it. says guys see her coming and they are all jaw dropped staring at her. says she walks by and they see she’s flat as a board and she can feel their disappointment. I laugh every time she tells a woe is me story about having missed out on the booty gene.

I don’t mind a chick wearing makeup as she sees fit but I swear I get quite annoyed at the chicks at the gym who don’t wash their makeup off before working out. to each his own though.

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
10:19 am

The box was “personally” delivered this morning with instructions…lol “DO NOT OPEN before 5:00. See you then!”

disco
December 18th, 2012
10:05 am

good morning. not that we talking booty pads – Ummmm, may be some booty calling something or another in that secret box of Celisea’s. :lol: :lol:

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
10:23 am

A man with lots of hips looks girly to me. Much like Tim’s hips on Sweetie Pie’s – GIRLY!!!

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:25 am

disco – She should be use to it by now and she should be jumping up and down (I know I am….j/k/b/n/r) cause a big ole butt is all good for about 10 or 15 years. After that, that thing has a mind of it’s own. It forgets it’s should reside in the back on. That things does like Ameoba….lolololol…just sort of takes over everywhere.

Sassy Me...Ain't no future in your frontin' ;-)

December 18th, 2012
10:25 am

Happy B’earthday Celisea Blackfoote n Willie :mrgreen:

On topic: I’m not one to put on airs or anything like that when I meet someone. I like nice things but I’m not flashy cause to me that smacks of tackiness. Never been into alot of make up except mascara and lip stick and the long hair is real so I don’t need to fake or front. Being pretentious is not my style.

Per “booty pads”…I’ve never worn them…and wouldn’t either. I don’t have a Serena booty but I’ve got enough jelly to make it do what it do. ;-)

disco

December 18th, 2012
10:25 am

leggs – mm hmmm. must be nice to be celisea. I ain’t mad at her man though. he knows how to play the anticipation game. lol.

leggs – remember big hipped marcus on girlfriends? he even had a man-girdle.

PYT

December 18th, 2012
10:28 am

I’m all about keeping it real from jump. My BF always says he loves the fact that I look good at night AND in the morning. I’ve actually had a breast reduction and I’m still a DD but I’m flat in the back and IDK if he loves it but he copes with. I wear make-up when I go out but on the daily I just wear eyeliner & fill-in my brows (they’ve been thin & weird since birth). I have my real nails & natural hair. When I mentioned wanting a weave it turned into an argument. He was UPSET! He loves playing in my hair and hates that he can’t touch my weave. (I’m still getting my weave, lol.)

But I have a question. One of my best friends has severe alopecia and wears wigs. I knew she had alopecia and we were friends for 10+ yrs before I ever saw her bald & it STILL completely shocked me. My question is when does some one with a condition like hers take the metaphorical butt pads off?

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
10:28 am

Yes, Marcus is another good example, disco! That episode with Marcus was hysterical.

Sassy Me...Ain't no future in your frontin' ;-)

December 18th, 2012
10:29 am

A man with lots of hips looks girly to me.

That is such a turn OFF…

Ummmm, may be some booty calling something or another in that secret box of Celisea’s

For some reason Jeremih’s “Birthday Sex” song just came to mind…twerk it hunty.

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
10:31 am

PYT ~ she will probably take it off when she meets that one man who she’s 100% comfortable with. One who loves her stinky draws!! Until then, she will remain in her own comfort zone not wanting to please anyone of those around her!

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:35 am

Thanks Sassy!

I had to go on and leave the house. I was soooo tempted to open. But, Imma play along. I CANNOT wait to get home!!!

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:38 am

And this topic just brings to me, folks like what they like. Feast famine, trash treasure. It’s to each his own and what suits you. I know I’m not every man’s cup of tea, but for the man that matters? It’s ALLLLLLLLL good!!! :mrgreen:

Honestly, I’ve never been envious of a big butt chick. Work with what ya mama gave ya!

halo46

December 18th, 2012
10:41 am

Hey all, raising my hand. I am a girly girl. I played sports, but a girly girl nonetheless.

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
10:41 am

Hey BF! How you doing? I bet your enjoyed that game last Sunday!!!!

Sassy Me...Ain't no future in your frontin' ;-)

December 18th, 2012
10:41 am

Imma play along. I CANNOT wait to get home!!!

I’m sure that’s exactly how your man wanted you to feel. Chile I can’t wait til you get home either!!

My birthday’s next Monday and I’ll be in Chucktown(Charleston) with my mom’s side of the fam doing it up. I’m ready to eat some blue crabs n oysters…

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:42 am

Sassy – Girrrrrrl!

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
10:44 am

Hey there, halo46!!! How have you been?

I think just about everyone here is a girly girl, absent disco and Bluz.

Exiled

December 18th, 2012
10:46 am

Happy Birfday Cel and Blackfoote!
Enjoy…..

@PYT..when does some one with a condition like hers take the metaphorical butt pads off?

Its better to be upfront about it if u meeeting somebody who does not know u completely but is intend on taking it romantically…..

It must be tough for ur friend tho….
Good luck…how has she been faring anyway..if u dont mind me asking?

abc

December 18th, 2012
10:49 am

I don’t like a lot of makeup anyway. A girl that wears so much makeup that I figure it’s going to rub off onto me isn’t likely to attract much of my interest. Be real, true to yourself, don’t worry about posing.

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:49 am

Thanks MMeello!

Exiled

December 18th, 2012
10:51 am

CEL…just play sick and ask to go home so u can go open that and enjoy ur birf anyway!

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:54 am

Meello – If I wasn’t covering for another associate, I wouldn’t even be here…lol But there’s so much dang work. I just sent my manager an email of all that I have on my plate to let her know I need to work over. No kidding. It was so cool. He knocked on the door this morning. Mind you I got out of bed to answer (what a sight…lol…I’m kidding). He handed me the box, said happy birthday, gave me a smack on the cheek, said read the note and follow…lolol…and left :mrgeen:

I’ve already told my sister she’s keeping the kid :mrgreen:

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:55 am

Not work over today, but this week

halo46

December 18th, 2012
10:57 am

Hi Leggs. I am great! So looking forward to Christmas break. Mine begins on Friday. Yay!!!

LeeH1

December 18th, 2012
10:57 am

The Chad Mitchell Trio had a song about this, called “The Unfortunate Man” (http://www.smartlyrics.com/Song233114-Chad-Mitchell-Trio-The-Unfortunate-Man-lyrics.aspx), who mnarried in haste without examining his new bride
:
She went to the mirror to take down her hair,
And when she had done so her scalp was all bare,
Said she: “Don’t be frightened to see my bald head,
“I’ll put on my cap when I get into bed.”

She hung her false hair on the wall on a peg,
Then she proceeded to take off her leg,
Her trembling husband got quite a surprise,
When she asked him to come and take out her glass eye.

[Chorus]

Her husband was biting his quivering lips,
While she removed both her counterfeit hips,
Just then her false nose clattered down to the floor,
And the lawyer ran screaming right out of the door.

Now all you young men who would marry for life,
Be sure to examine your intended wife,
Remember the lawyer who trusted his eyes,
And a little bit later got quite a surprise.

Exiled

December 18th, 2012
10:58 am

I’ve already told my sister she’s keeping the kid

Youzo!

Its gon down! :downarrow:

:lol:

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
10:59 am

Dang(at LeeH1’s poes), I feel blessed and priviledged…lol. False hips, lips, leg, hair, nose??? What was real? lololol

Bluzgirl

December 18th, 2012
11:04 am

Leggs – You got to see me in my normal attire…I would have actually dressed up a little bit that night, but was so tired and wasn’t even sure I’d stay that long. And, hey…I met a cute guy (The Young One), even if it didn’t work out! It was nice to be told I was very pretty while I was totally casual!

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
11:05 am

I don’t think a lot of make up and stuff qualifies as “girly girl.” I would consider myself “girly” but without so much fuss. I think girly goes deeper than outter dressing. Just what I think.

Celisea

December 18th, 2012
11:08 am

Too much outer stuff moves over to clowndom…lololol

Okay, let me get to work

Leggs

December 18th, 2012
11:14 am

Bluz ~ no offense, when we met, was that not your normal attire (lol).

disco

December 18th, 2012
11:26 am

leggs – sho you right. I’ve never ever been a girly girl.

I swear I’m not calling any of the guys out but it seems like guys on the blog and guys in real life often claim to love the natural look and chicks with less makeup but it seems like those glammed up chicks aren’t suffering from any shortage of attention. just a little something I noticed.

C – I too think girly goes deeper than outer dressing though I think outer dressing can apply when you find grown women who still love pink. not like pink but LOVE pink. lol. other than that I think girly girl is more a frame of mind more than outer dressing.