Should you unlearn some behavior?
I had a long talk with a guy friend about his constant dishonesty with women. He admits that his motivation to mislead women is rooted in deep distrust – mostly unwarranted. I was surprised to hear that he learned this from his own father. He has always believed that lying to women was basically part of being a real man.
He says things like “need to know basis” or “I tell her what I want her to know” all the time. Then is genuinely shocked when his flings or relationships don’t last. This made me think about the many attitudes, and ideas we have about love and relationships are learned from what we have seen or heard from other people. It can be a dangerous trend, though – especially when our behavior is shaped by them.
Do you ever wonder if there are some dating habits you need to unlearn? What about some of your attitudes or behaviors about the opposite sex? Are they informed by your own experiences or from others?
Do you remember that little kid Kenny from The Cosby Show that had jacked up ideas about gender roles from his big brother? I told my friend he was Kenny. Kenny was a kid, what’s his excuse?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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316 comments Add your comment
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
4:19 pm
Umm Dani, are married, do you have man
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:19 pm
Du – Would I divorce her, probably not, but I don’t think that is something I could ever get over.
That’s refreshing to read that. I mean, because it’s truism. By the same token you should assume she can just get over it. I agree with ITL, I’m not one that take too well to forgiving. I just can’t. Yeah, I believe in forgiviness and all that but just down to me as a person, I won’t EVER get over what and how you did with her. If I don’t go, my distrust and fleeting faith in you would kill what’s left. I know me
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:21 pm
Not just the act of sex I wouldn’t be able to forgive, it would be all that other stuff you tied up into her…and I won’t ever believe it was just about sex.
Told y’all I left the dude that had my heart wrapped and tied all because he couldn’t answer me concretely. His normal habit changed and I was all over it. Yep, had been a picnic and walk in the park for years. When I asked, I got a laugh and a “you think too much like a dude, gotta get you away from your brother.” Okay, I’ll show you then, I’m not playing. So, I bounced. Shocked the heck out of him. I don’t like anybody enough to tolerate anything.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:22 pm
when a woman cheats all of a sudden she becomes used goods.
That’s the double standard I was talking about….y’all and those muy fragile egos…chile puleaze(in my Ocho voice)
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:24 pm
WE MADE IT TO 6 PAGES!! Yaaaay!!!
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
4:24 pm
Sassy, all of us don’t have does fragile egos, because sometimes we do mess up, okay most of the time, alright, all the time (LOL)
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
4:24 pm
Sassy – I am so feeling your posts – chile pleaze!
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
4:26 pm
Celisea ~ I was so hoping we could get past your 25 post predicament (lol).
Into the Light
December 17th, 2012
4:27 pm
LOL@Sassy’s 4:22. And you know the person who originally said, “Do as I say, not as I do!” was a man because those jokers can’t STAND for you to give them a taste of their own medicine!
Dani
December 17th, 2012
4:28 pm
Single- I’m not the jump off, main chick, side chick, mistress, FWB type. I need to be the only one type of chick. So while I may be single you already have someone that fits in one of those categories. I already stated I from that I wish ninja would tribe.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:29 pm
Leggs – That wasn’t me that predicted. That was someone else.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:30 pm
39 more posts will get us to 7 pages….well 38 after this one
disco
December 17th, 2012
4:32 pm
leggs/celisea – it was me. (25 posts)
Dani
December 17th, 2012
4:32 pm
Sassy- You are right about that because he started accusing me of cheating. I wasn’t but I would leave at like 11;30 at night come back home at like 1;30 get in bed like nothing sometimes. If he only knew I would be at super Walmart walking around.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:32 pm
I won’t EVER get over what and how you did with her. If I don’t go, my distrust and fleeting faith in you would kill what’s left. I know me
I soo cosign…it will just NOT be the same…me walking around giving you the side eye while you try to strategically hide all the
knives n isht isn’t the way to live…for either of us. I couldn’t give n’aan fck. as to “why” or “see wha had happened was”…I don’t even want to hear it so miss me with it….
Kimmie gurl you know we got to be real…just like the song
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:32 pm
And for all the posts posted today and admission from our resident Dolemite i.e. Dushawn, let’s see if we’ll see a swing (in direction) for his stories posted
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:34 pm
me walking around giving you the side eye while you try to strategically hide all the
knives n isht isn’t the way to live…for either of us. I couldn’t give n’aan fck. as to “why” or “see wha had happened was”…I don’t even want to hear it so miss me with it….
Real talk right here….I’m caracking up. The worst thing than getting caught is staying with a chick like me. You might wanna gon and pack you stuff and get on out cause it’s gonna be nothing hell and discomfort from that day on. Not even nagging…just plain hell
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 17th, 2012
4:35 pm
DuShawn, let this one ride brother….The scene you have laid out happens everyday….. EVERYDAY!!!! There are women that are looking past dude creepin and dudes pissed cause their girl got her back knocked out while she was in Vegas with her homies..The thing is it happens..In fact If I were a beeting moan, I would bet that it has or is happening to some folks right here on this blog…. But you can bet for sure, that It will NEVER be admitted to…
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:36 pm
Oh and if we’re married and having issues, I’m dead serious. You get ghost or slighty indicate you stepping out cause you can’t deal? I ain’t walking around WalMart, Imma be posted up at the Ritz for a couple of days. You won’t get nothing but v/m on my celly and v/m at work. I’m dead serious. All you would wonder is where da heck she is?
Willie Dynamite
December 17th, 2012
4:36 pm
Late afternoon all,
6 pages unread so I can only imagine. Looks like a Mars/Venus discussion.
Exiled!
December 17th, 2012
4:36 pm
Single went there with ‘used goods’
Lol
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:38 pm
If he only knew I would be at super Walmart walking around.
Dani sometimes it’s the game we play…just to make them think we’re stepping out. What’s funny is that when he starts to think so, he’ll either start sweating your every move or start curtailing his. All of the things he claims you’re doing is going to be all of the things that he’s actually doing….that’s why he’s all Inspecter Gadget on you now…
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:39 pm
I ain’t gon lie, I won’t cheat out of spite or get back because I’m not that kind of woman. If it comes to that, it’s a wrap, but I would have you dang wondering…for the rest of the time, if we stayed together….if I did or if I didn’t.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
4:39 pm
Dani so you think you know me huh (LOL) sorry you really don’t
Into the Light
December 17th, 2012
4:39 pm
A beeting moan?!?!?!? Courtside, the mental image from that one has me LMBO.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:40 pm
You might wanna gon and pack you stuff and get on out cause it’s gonna be nothing hell and discomfort from that day on. Not even nagging…just plain hell
_______________flatline_______________
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
December 17th, 2012
4:41 pm
Soory Into the Light… That should have been BETTING man…
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:41 pm
Sassy –
girrrrrl
DuShawn
December 17th, 2012
4:43 pm
Celisea…..You a trip. ICU kinda jockin me…. I’m no Dolemite… I just type what I’m thinking. Everybody’s experieces are different, I sometimes choose to share the journey of my evolution in this forum. A lot of stories I don’t share because unless you know me personally and how I get down, you would never believe that this type of sh&T really happens. For instance, this weekend when our family friend “Red Sapper” stopped by the suite. Whew!….God truly favors me.
Into the Light
December 17th, 2012
4:43 pm
Court – I knew what you meant….but bEeting mOan was so funny, I had to repeat it.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:44 pm
ICU kinda jockin me
I see you misreading. I don’t jock…anybody…ever…lol Especially on a blog. I mostly pass over your posts but since your address me personally today, I’m just typing everything I’ve wanted to say…lol
No jocking boo boo, it ain’t that kind of party.
Dani
December 17th, 2012
4:44 pm
He said I know seeing someone else you are just sneaker than me. I told him I was smarter than him because I’m was not stupid enough to cheat and then confess. That’s when you know it is over.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:45 pm
I ain’t walking around WalMart, Imma be posted up at the Ritz for a couple of days. You won’t get nothing but v/m on my celly and v/m at work. I’m dead serious.
THAT’S what I’m talking about…get gone for a little while to give HIM time to reflect on his actions while you chill…talking about looking in broad day with a flashlight. B.it.ch I want you to call the po po or Grady or some close family cause you can’t find me.
Yeah I’ve done it and I’d do it again..
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:46 pm
Sassy – LOLOLOLOLOLOL….we are seeing eye to eye. There’s more than one way to skin and cat, make a cat reflect without resorting to hOing and getting your back beat out, outta get back. And yes, I agree, it works.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:47 pm
B.it.ch I want you to call the po po or Grady or some close family cause you can’t find me.
I’m rolling on this way…
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:48 pm
Hey Du – As you said, “I don’t get down like that”
Dani
December 17th, 2012
4:50 pm
Sassy/Celisea- I didn’t think about that at the time. Hopefully the next time around I won’t have use that one.
Into the Light
December 17th, 2012
4:50 pm
Okay, I’m out but I’m glad I could play a little today. If I’m not back here before Christmas, I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and all your wishes come true.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:52 pm
Dani – Hopefully, there won’t be a next time, but if it comes to that, give yourself a mini-vacay. Withdraw the money from his CC and pay in cash so he can’t trace you. Yeah, let it be at his expense.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:53 pm
we are seeing eye to eye.
Yes m’aam we are >>>>here<<<<..
make a cat reflect without resorting to hOing and getting your back beat out, outta get back. And yes, I agree, it works.
Yes it surely does…it’s even sweeter when done this way..to ME anyway.
Dani
December 17th, 2012
4:56 pm
Celisea- I mean If I remarry oneday I hope he would not cheat.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
4:56 pm
Dani – That’s what I meant…”hopefully it won’t come to that again”
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:57 pm
Hopefully the next time around I won’t have use that one.
Yes and pick a nice spot to chill at..preferably one with it’s own shops and a spa so you don’t have to go too far for anything…then treat yourself
And when you come back home just a skippin and a glowin he’s gonna really think some wild isht popped off…priceless.
Alrighty read y’all tomorrow
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
4:58 pm
Hold up I misread that…Dani I hope you don’t get cheated on again but if you have to get ghost in the future then by all means please use that 4:57 as an example..
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
5:00 pm
Exactly…we’re hoping not so, but just in case, do the dang thing, pull out all the stops and have a mini-vacay (spa treatment included)
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
5:00 pm
Four more comments will turn the page!!!
Dani
December 17th, 2012
5:00 pm
Sassy- Already made a mental note.
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
5:02 pm
To end the day, be kind to your partner/SO/spouse. Treat folks with the same level of respect that you want. Let the expectations be aligned and on the same page. And if you know you can’t deal with it, then don’t dish it.
Great discussion (at least I think so) today.
Du – No judging here. Whatever works for you, get in where you fit in.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
5:03 pm
Okay and if you’re near any of the Loews hotels check them out
Peace!!!
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
5:03 pm
Dani, me asking were you single was a joke, not looking for anything here
time to do me for awhile