Should you unlearn some behavior?
I had a long talk with a guy friend about his constant dishonesty with women. He admits that his motivation to mislead women is rooted in deep distrust – mostly unwarranted. I was surprised to hear that he learned this from his own father. He has always believed that lying to women was basically part of being a real man.
He says things like “need to know basis” or “I tell her what I want her to know” all the time. Then is genuinely shocked when his flings or relationships don’t last. This made me think about the many attitudes, and ideas we have about love and relationships are learned from what we have seen or heard from other people. It can be a dangerous trend, though – especially when our behavior is shaped by them.
Do you ever wonder if there are some dating habits you need to unlearn? What about some of your attitudes or behaviors about the opposite sex? Are they informed by your own experiences or from others?
Do you remember that little kid Kenny from The Cosby Show that had jacked up ideas about gender roles from his big brother? I told my friend he was Kenny. Kenny was a kid, what’s his excuse?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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316 comments Add your comment
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
12:33 pm
Ex, you can’t put me at ease i’m not uptight! it’s not serious enough for me to bring it up all the time.
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
12:34 pm
@Sinlge..my fables are like ur Old women’s folk lore,tree bark medicines…just practices and legends not necessarily rooted in science….they may have a palliative effect but thats as far as it goes….
…..so dont worry about my short men,online ..fables…
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
12:36 pm
i’m not uptight! it’s not serious enough for me to bring it up all the time.
@Single
but serious enough for U to notice what i say Aleways and want to debunk my myths and respond…ha.?
i like that logic
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
12:36 pm
Dude I don’t worry about any of your fables (issues) they are yours not mine!
DuShawn
December 17th, 2012
12:39 pm
-Leggs-”I’m not the one to call up because your evening isn’t going as planned with your new girl”….Now if he would have omitted the part about the party and new girl he may have had an opportunity to be with you. This is why men get conditioned to lie. He told the truth and got no action.
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
12:45 pm
Disco…i dont think they should worry too much,if they are..shes gon grow and be a good blend.
@Single..thanx…I can breathe better now knowing u dont care bout what i post…
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
12:45 pm
You’re right DuShawn. He told the truth and so did I. The truth didn’t bother me. His way of looking at me was what bothered me. The truth definitely helps me navigate. That’s all I need. He told me about new girl a few months back. That was the truth that I’m working with. If it doesn’t work out, you might be able to holler at me (if I’m feeling you too). BUT, you won’t holler at me while I’m aware you’re hollering at her.
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
12:48 pm
Dushawn..if a chic says”shes seeing other folks”, whatever that means but gives u some action,all the way…are u gon see her beyond just some neck?
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
12:51 pm
Mike P – Whatever works for you. I didn’t presume nothing about you cause I really don’t care!LOL!!
Disco – I gonna run out for a minute, and then when I’ m back, lets’s discuss!
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
12:59 pm
He told the truth and got no action.
That proves what I was saying to Disco, though it need no proof. You don’t tell the truth because it won’t get you what you want, not that the other person can’t handle it. They just may not “handle it” the way you want! Dushawn, these women are out here holding guns to yalls heads, forcing you to lie, you poor dears!
Disco – Yep, those ladies don’t necessarily want the truth, cause they know they will have to deal with it. They are happy living out the lie. I’m just sick of dudes thinking everyone is stuck on stupid. The man probably knows if he tells his wife straight up he has been dipping out, she may decide to divorce him, which will cost money (cheaper to keep her) etc. All along, she knows, but does not want to give up her lifestyle. They are playing each other.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
1:14 pm
but serious enough for U to notice what i say Aleways and want to debunk my myths and respond…ha.?
So you think I ALWAYS respond to your post (rotflmao) Like you said, your MYTHS. Posting on social media and don’t expect people to respond!
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
1:16 pm
Single, I had the same problem.
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:19 pm
I dont have a problem anybody responding…i have a problem when u get sore..
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
1:25 pm
I’m back
Disco, are you around? Well, here goes:
I thought the remote control sniper rifle thing was brilliant!
I knew ole girl was gonna set Huck up and not show. The sex scene with them on top of all the pictures was wild!
The sex scene with Abby & David was crazy! I can’t stand Abby, but I like David! I watched Oprah’s interview with Kerry Washington & Shonda Rhimes the creator of the show. They took a tour of the set, and the chick that plays Abby yelled out “I hope you are not on Team Hate Abby too!”
I liked that the gay reporter is hip that his husband knows about his election-stealing investigation.
It was a great episode to me, I liked it!
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
1:26 pm
Sore, umm who gets sore? you really take this to serious if you think I get sore at your post because I respond to something you posted, even when you try to push my buttons! It takes more than that to get me sore.
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
1:27 pm
I dont have a problem anybody responding…i have a problem when u get sore..
Another example of what I’ve been saying today!!LOL! Folks want to control your reaction to the truth, can’t handle it when you don’t respond the way they want you to!!
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:28 pm
so no PC blogging for u Kimmie?
I wld agree..
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:31 pm
In view of the shootings in CT, i really wanted to post something ground breaking..
to alleviate these shootings…like ankle bracelets/monitors for all consumers of mind altering drugs or those wiith mental issues and diagnised as such….i got a PC cold shlder.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
1:33 pm
The truth, the truth, you can’t handle the truth!! (lmao)
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
1:33 pm
kimmie ~ remote control sniper was indeed BRILLIANT. Recorded Oprah’s interview with Shonda Rhimes.
I “felt” Huck was there cleaning up, but not behind himself.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
1:36 pm
I’m going in the ankle bracelet business then!! cause everybody can be diagnosed with something. But the funny thing is, most of these people did nothing more that ACT strange, never diagnosed with anything. Hind sight is always 20/20
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:38 pm
@Single…..why wld my posts be pushing Anybodys buttons,let alone urs Single…..??
see…….u feel my posts are targeted at U..when I dont know U personally?
How do I even push ur buttons?
maaan……
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:41 pm
yea..Anything is not mental health tho
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
1:42 pm
Hmm lets see
…..so dont worry about my short men,online ..fables…
Cause that’s what everyone has been posting about all day right??
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:44 pm
…..so dont worry about my short men,online ..fables…
u really are good..Single!
DuShawn
December 17th, 2012
1:44 pm
“if a chic says”shes seeing other folks”, whatever that means but gives u some action,all the way…are u gon see her beyond just some neck?
-Ex- The answer to your question is yes. If we were just dating, I would expect her to be with other people. Giving me some would not make her any less of a lady….it just proves she is capable of making wise decisions.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
1:46 pm
Ex most of these killers didn’t have mental health issues until after the fact! and then it’s just going off the fact that people just don’t see how a sane person could have done what they did.
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:47 pm
it just proves she is capable of making wise decisions.
U the best DuShawn!
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
1:47 pm
“…it just proves she is capable of making wise decisions.” – Had to laugh at this.
Exiled
December 17th, 2012
1:51 pm
Single…this kid has issues by all accounts..that dude who shot at Giffords….well, all u had to do was look at his mug..dude is way off,just by the pic….
some of the meds that docs prescribe are mental drugs…that diagnosis alone shld be good enough to put someone on watch list…..
the fact that that watchlist is not there presently makes the kilings and investigatioin after look like it should have been common sense…….
The gun lobby in this country cares more for animals and hunting than live folks…they put a lot of money in that lobbying for guns..rather than finding solutions that wld limit the flow of ‘cows milk’ from guns sales.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
2:03 pm
Ex, judging books by their covers, had these people not committed these acts they would still be walking around today un-diagnosed, just a little strange, just like the next one is!! These people it more for the fame and glory than having mental issues. people will remember them more than will the victims!
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 17th, 2012
2:13 pm
really
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
2:14 pm
This guy will forever be known as the SHES killer, then we have the Colorado movie killer not to be confused with the Colorado School killers, the Virginia Tech Killer, the 9/11 hijackers, the centeninial park bomber, the Oklahoma city bomber, the fort hood killer, the Gifford killer, some people can name most of these people by name, but can’t name any of the victims, besides the senator?
disco
December 17th, 2012
2:14 pm
kimmie – I’m back. first off I agree with abby and david. she came off as skanky and no good from the very first episode. I hope she doesn’t get him hemmed up. I also really like huck and I don’t like that they are taking him through this mess. janky trick. I do like that he checked old boy right quick. talking about you gone have to go through me. huck put him down quick fast in a hurry. also, they need to go ahead and regulate on president lady chick. she’s too daggone conniving.
Exiled!
December 17th, 2012
2:15 pm
Single..more than a million folks have died since JFK and mlk were killed and I bet most of the killers are nutt folks..
It’s not a coincidence.
At least take away the semi from non commercial/army use
and if a person wants a gun,make them jump hoop and proper pre-training on safety etc
If a gun gets into the hands of an unauthorized person,as is the case in CT..mandatory 10+ years felon.
That way folks get serious if they Really need a gun.
The ooohood’ thing happening with the CT shooting is that she died from her own guns she didn’t adequately secure.
If she were alive,she wld have to be locked up 15+ years if it wld be up to me. If not life!
25 innocent people died coz u want to do target shooting?
can’t have that!
Exiled!
December 17th, 2012
2:17 pm
‘good’ thing
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
2:19 pm
also, they need to go ahead and regulate on president lady chick. she’s too daggone conniving.
LOL!! I agree!!!
I really like Huck too!
On that Oprah episode, they interview the real-life “Olivia Pope” (minus the messing with the Prez, of course). She was cool. She helped out Monica Lewinsky and Wesley Snipes with their messes.
disco
December 17th, 2012
2:22 pm
kimmie – I didn’t see oprah but I did hear her on a tom joyner radio interview last year. she sounded ‘bout it. btw, you commented last week that Olivia managed to get through an entire episode without tearing up. I’ll give her props if she can make it through the next one and the next one after that.
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
2:22 pm
I wish you guys watched Homeland and Dexter. They had their season finale’s last night. Some truly exceptional tv there. I fully expect both, especially Homeland, to clean up at the Emmys.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
2:22 pm
okay everyone’s killing me with this adequately secure, were’ talking a 20 year old man, not a 10 year old kid that killed his mother, how do you know they weren’t secured and he took the key from her!! 25 people did because they were the targets! sad but true.
So if someone breaks in my house steals my gun, and kills someone, I should go to jail!
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
2:22 pm
disco/kimmie ~ watch out for the President’s wife. She too is conniving and sneaky!!
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
2:23 pm
I’ll give her props if she can make it through the next one and the next one after that.
LOL!!!
kimmie
December 17th, 2012
2:26 pm
Leggs – I’m glad the Prez’s wife got her own agenda!LOL!! It would be so dull if she was a dutiful Stepford wife. Adds to the drama, I love it!!
That Vice Prez now Acting Prez is the real trip though!! Trying to get that woman to resign from the Supreme Court, she’s off the chain!!
disco
December 17th, 2012
2:28 pm
leggs – yes. millie (is that her name?) is conniving and ambitious but I’ve already declared that I respect her game. that president chick is just dirty and I ain’t feeling her.
Single & Happy
December 17th, 2012
2:28 pm
Ex we live in a country that has more rights and freedoms than anyone else, unfortunately with the good comes the bad! We can’t keep our all our freedoms and regulate everything.
Leggs
December 17th, 2012
2:29 pm
Exactly, kimmie. Was telling a friend that I like the fact the President’s wife’s role isn’t reduced to being a dutiful, attentive First Lady. She has a lot up her sleeves (lol).
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
2:32 pm
I guess we finished the topic huh? lolol
Celisea
December 17th, 2012
2:33 pm
I was soooo not a fan of Scandal. I’ve been watching it and I’m getting into it
DuShawn
December 17th, 2012
2:34 pm
All along, she knows, but does not want to give up her lifestyle. They are playing each other……I disagree. I believe if a woman is with a man a significant amount of time she will have to tolerate some infidelity. As long as there are only suspicions and no proof, most women can deal. The poem below speaks to my point.
“City to city, all the groupies they hop along
Word get back, the wifey she like, “Stop the song”
“I’m takin the kids to my momma’s, I’m out, I’m gone! ” – whoa!
Momma was like, “Baby now, I hate to see your tears
But I been with your daddy for bout 35 years and in my day, I had to
Turn a blind eye to cheatin
But I ain’t never had to wear no black eyes from beatings
As long as he doin right, by you and the kids
How you gon expect that man not to be who he is?
I ain’t sayin that it’s right, but we often pay the price
Cause a woman’s life is love, a man’s love is life”
disco
December 17th, 2012
2:35 pm
kimmie/leggs – even though he can be a bit stodgy I like cyrus. that boyfriend of his is a piece of work on so many levels. no pun intended but he’s a little beeyotch. pitching a fit about not having a baby, taking the white house press job when he recognized the conflict, going behind cyrus’ back to get his investigative journalist on. he’s a trip. he’s acting like is out of his love for the job (and it may very well be) but I think it started out of spitefulness. they are going to mess around and make him disappear. lol.