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When should the benefits run out?

There are some “friends with benefits” situations that never should have started. The arrangement rarely turns out “all good” but somehow FWB tend to last longer than they should. Why is that, though? If you have someone waiting in the wings, how much real effort do you devote to finding something more meaningful?

I feel as if there are certain signs that let you know when the benefits of Friends with Benefits should run out. It should not have to come to a messy end, though. I believe the key is being proactive and getting real about where things stand. Tell the truth when your feelings have changed.

Have you ever gone had a friends with benefits situation? How did you know when to cut it off? How long should FWB situations really last?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

135 comments Add your comment

lee

December 14th, 2012
6:55 am

As for the benefits department “are you going to pay my mortgage” now that is a benefit!! other wise it just cheap sex being friendly. :/

Single and Happy

December 14th, 2012
7:42 am

Lee, are you going to pay my mortgage? :-D

Have you ever gone had a friends with benefits situation?
Had plenty of them.

How did you know when to cut it off?
When one of you want’s more, or decides to move on!

How long should FWB situations really last?
As long as 2 consenting ADULTS think it should.

Let grown folks do what grown folks do!

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
8:45 am

Fantastic Friday MIA!!!!!

C where you be sis?!?

chuckle at the topic!

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
8:59 am

Heeeey Lady! What’s crackalacking?? How goes it lil sis?

disco

December 14th, 2012
9:05 am

S/H – I’m with you. let folks do what they gone do. if ain’t nobody complaining then it’s all good. lol. what I can’t stand is the person that’s in it, unhappy with it and still not making moves to get out. shame on them.

Lee

December 14th, 2012
9:07 am

NO No no not paying anyones mortgage unless we are married and that is a joint affair. lol

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 14th, 2012
9:16 am

Yeah what SH said….NEXT :lol:

Oh, good morning Gang Bangers!

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
9:26 am

As said time and time again on here, I’ve never done the FWB thing. I catch feelings too easily. I feel like…for me….my body is a vessel and not to be toyed around with like that. NOT KNOCKING GROWN FOLKS AND WHAT THEY DO, but for me, I already know if I’m giving out the goods, emotions are gonna be wrapped and tied up in that…lol Too, it’s a pride thing for me. I don’t play those games and I don’t play with folks that play those games…lol Nope, no can do. I don’t do the dude that can’t make things crystal clear so in can subsequently relent and act like he didn’t know. Nuh uh. I always feel like it’s mind over matter. I can’t just smash, just to be smashing…cause I haven’t smashed in a while or it’s been a minute. Only the kid’s dad had that priviledge once but as SOON as I got out of that, I was done with any behavior of the sort. Too, I’m that woman that hate to see men get a win win. Meaning, most of them already don’t wanna commit. Shoot, I ain’t gonna make it that easy. You get the bootaa and ain’t gotta do nothing else. Bootey ain’t or shouldn’t be free. IJS

There are a lot of things that shouldn’t happen, but does. Diva said FWB shouldn’t have to come to a messy end. Eh, ummm, I dunno. If you’re dabbling in things that gets the emotions running, then yes, you should expect a messy outcome. Kudos to those folks that can get it done emtionless but really it’s an act that usually or tends to pull the emotions so, yeah….nine times out of ten, somebody will get caught up. Should they not???

DuShawn

December 14th, 2012
9:37 am

By far, the majority of my relationships have been “Friends with Benefits”. I would always try to be totally forthright regarding our situation, so we both remained very aware of “it is what it is”. I would encourage them to pursue more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. They felt comfortable telling me when they met someone new and would let me know if it started to develop into something more serious we would no longer be able to do our thing. I would be like, baby that’s cool, I just want you to be happy, but before you fall in love with the next man, do that thing with tongue for me.

MsAtl

December 14th, 2012
9:40 am

Morning All!
I’ve never been in a FWB situation. I don’t ever intend to be but never say never. I agree that as long as it is cool with the 2 consenting adults participating in it, then it is for them to say when it should end.

O/T- we have our office Dirty Santa lunch today and OOH! IF SHE BRINGS ONE MORE CHIA PET!!!

Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)

December 14th, 2012
9:58 am

Have you ever gone had a friends with benefits situation?

Yes I started that in college…but got really good at it afterwards and I had absolutely NO issue with it. I had two kinds of FWB. The first kind was what Wise Diva has called the “Boyfriend Experience”…when we wanted to see each other it usually included dinner, a movie and an oh so lovely night. Then I had another type of FWB that I would call when I only wanted one thing…for him to put it down and LEAVE…and we were all fine with that.

How did you know when to cut it off?

Usually when either one of us has met someone and things get serious, out of respect we’d agree to fall back and K.I.M. I’d always have that talk in the beginning to make sure we were all on the same page.

How long should FWB situations really last?

Sh..it who knows cause as long as two consenting adults like what’s happening then let it ride til the wheels fall off.

I’ve told y’all about the preacher’s son/my boy toy…we had a FWB situation for years(5+) and it worked out fine…until I decided I wanted more substance and reunited with Mr. Bermuda. My boy toy didn’t take it too well at first but he was successfully weaned off

He tried to buck a lil bit but he let it go when he saw I was for real.

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
10:06 am

I’ve told y’all about the preacher’s son/my boy toy

lol….and folks always wanna say it’s the preacher’s daughters…mmm hmmm

disco

December 14th, 2012
10:11 am

ms. atl – someone is spending money on chia pets? for real? ch-ch-ch-chia.

celisea – re preacher’s sons and daughters. of course, it’s just the double standard. after all “boys will be boys” applies to preacher’s sons too. still, it is good to hear the tale of the preacher’s son doing dirt for a change. lol.

Single and Happy

December 14th, 2012
10:16 am

Has anyone ever had FWB come to a messy end?? How does that happen?
For me it’s usually ends because we’ve found someone, and starts back up when the relationship ends. no muss no fuss

MsAtl

December 14th, 2012
10:17 am

Disco- I have a feeling someone gave it to her as a gift and it sat in her closet for several years. There has been two thus far. Hopefully they have run out.

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
10:19 am

disco – The old adage, boys will be boys fits right into the double standard. It is what it is.

Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)

December 14th, 2012
10:26 am

and folks always wanna say it’s the preacher’s daughters

Yeah that was something…he didn’t tell me that until after the fact. He came to see me and as we were walking to my apartment he said, “I have something to tell you”, and me being the smart a$$ that I am said, “What you’re not a preacher’s son,are you?” and started laughing…he looked down(he was 6′6″)at me and said,”Actually I am”. At first I was like :shock: but his eagerness made that dissipate…don’t judge me ;-)

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
10:33 am

don’t judge me

Imma put this on a plate and put it on the front of my car :mrgreen:

Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)

December 14th, 2012
10:34 am

disco

December 14th, 2012
10:37 am

I know I’m the one that’s always talking about folks but how come I just saw a chick and I thought to myself “she looks like skeletor”. do y’all remember skeletor?

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
10:40 am

Howdy Blackfoote! Are we still on for Red Lobster Pappadeaux’s Thursday?

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
10:43 am

Lady – I’m in for Thursday!!

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
10:44 am

Long overdue can’t wait sis!

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
10:45 am

Blackfoote, you on?

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 14th, 2012
10:46 am

Ohhhh noooo, I think my immune system has been infiltrated by all the hacking, coughing, sneezing germ spreaders around me :shock: I do NOT want to be sick over the weekend but my head is starting to feel as if i’m in an elevator. :cry:

Single and Happy

December 14th, 2012
10:48 am

disco, you know you wrong for that.

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
10:51 am

Lady, I know you know and have seen me several times. Please do NOT be alarmed by the nappy head…lololol This is the Thurday before my touch up. I can be sensitive about this kind of thing…lolol j/k/b/n/r

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
10:52 am

Slim I am just getting well sis! its been a week between a nasty cold and severe back muscle spasms I have been in pain! took a day off and all forced me to go to the doctor! but I am better!

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
10:54 am

girl please! I don’t do that trivial mess of sizing you up! we are friends it will be good too see you and break bread and catch up on some funnies! lol hopefully you can meet my boo too….. we can bring boo’s right lol

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
10:58 am

that is the worst to be out to dinner and not be comfortable lol we work too hard for that! let your hair down and relax!

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
11:01 am

Off topic: I woke up this morning about 3:00 and decided to watch a bit of tv (not sure what the issue is with me needing/getting about 4 hours a sleep a night), and turned to a light porn show. I tell ya, not sure how folks do it. It was just g on g and a dude humping. No story line, no plot…nada. Naturally I got bored and turned to Safe House until I dropped back off to sleep…lol

Give me a story with a plot and a storyline and lovemaking anyday

kimmie

December 14th, 2012
11:01 am

Morning Blog Gang!!! It’s the weekend Baby!!

On topic – It can last as long as the 2 consentings want it to. When one meets someone they want to date seriously. When one catches feelings. Either way, people need to be honest with themselves if they are up to such a situation or not. And don’t do it to try to hold onto the person, thinking they will eventually “come around” and want something more with you. It just ain’t gonna happen like that.

Sassy – I’ve briefly had the Boyfriend Experience as well. That was right out of college and I felt okay about it, cause I kinda called the shots. When I didn’t want to deal with it anymore, I cut it off. Otherwise, I’m really just not built for a FWB. I will catch feelings too easy, because I gotta feel a little something for you to begin with if I’m gonna sleep with you.

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
11:02 am

Lady – You know I already know. We’re laid back and don’t worry about that kind of stuff…lol I’m sure Blackfoote and others won’t mind if you bring your boo. :mrgreen:

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
11:03 am

On topic yup my FWB went two years too long but I must say a valuable PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP did come out that foolishness!!!!!! That relationship taught me for life! it was at a very difficult time in my life and I had to learn more about me and I have truly grown since!

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
11:03 am

I added “others”, if anyone else wants to come.

abc

December 14th, 2012
11:03 am

FWB = ho action.

Now, I’ve been there done that, plenty of times. But it’s like what I told one of them that suggested I wouldn’t respect her if she did: “I don’t respect you now.” She wasn’t dissuaded.

So, at least accept the reality of it: a man will not respect you if you’re a FWB. If you don’t mind that, more power to you, I guess. Hopefully, if/when you meet someone actually important to you, he won’t mind your past. Oh yeah, that’s right — you’ll never tell.

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
11:05 am

Yikes….lol

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 14th, 2012
11:06 am

Lady – The beau has been sick all week with the chills, fever, body aches etc but i’ve been trying to keep my distance. However, at work I have a lady to my left that’s been sneezing her brains out, a lady to my right with bronchitis and some virus and the lady across the way who’s daughter is coming down with the flu so I guess it was bound to catch up with me. Glad to hear you’re better though. Not sure how much help Mister will be in taking care of me when he isn’t back to 100% hisself

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
11:07 am

That relationship taught me for life!

Lady, very profound. While I haven’t done the FWB, I think whatever area in life that brings about a change or becomes eyeopening, it’s all good!

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
11:07 am

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
11:08 am

yup it is sis! I don’t regret it one bit! ;)

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
11:09 am

Thanks Slim and wishing him well too! That wasn’t fun at all! I just straight left work Monday! I felt horrible!

disco

December 14th, 2012
11:09 am

kind of on topic and kind of changing it but speaking of FWBs. what about creeping? not to go into ethics and all that but I know a chick who’s been creeping for a minute and now she’s planning on busting dude out. she says she’s going to mail evidence (in particular hotel receipts) to the main woman who, naturally, thought dude was out of town “working”. out of curiosity, men how would you respond to your woman when she’s standing there questioning you about the receipts and the woman who sent them to her? women, how would you respond receiving something like that in the mail?

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
11:11 am

wow disco!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the problem is def with my mate and not the other woman!

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 14th, 2012
11:11 am

abc – Are you feeling okay?

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 14th, 2012
11:13 am

I’ll tell you what’s funny is for those of you that had a FWB back in college (YEARS ago) then run back into that fwb buddy year later, and they assume they can still just get back in that lane. :lol: Nah buddy, that ship has sailed.

abc

December 14th, 2012
11:14 am

Just fine, thanks.

Regarding disco’s post: if you cheat you’re likely to get caught; when you’re caught, you’re most likely to lie about it anyway; if your better half is worth a dayum, they’ll dump your azz. Circumstances of the bust don’t matter much. But, to me, if you’re cheating, you’ve put enough of a tarnish on your relationship to merit it being over, anyway.

disco

December 14th, 2012
11:15 am

lady – where we were having fun in discussion is imagining the explaining. I know most dudes have their lies on the ready but every now and again a player is at a loss for words. I’m thinking this is one of those times. what’s he going to say? it’s a set up? a joke? somebody playing games?

Celisea

December 14th, 2012
11:15 am

While I think disco’s situation is dirty and vendictive (which NEVER pops off like jaded folks think),a dude should know the crazy with which he deals and not scream “crazy” after the fact. You already know, even if she ain’t showed you, that swapping and changing up, playing games and cheating brings about much crazy and crazy behavior. I say they all get what they deserve.

Lady~smirk!

December 14th, 2012
11:16 am

disco if you knew my mate girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol but yeah I will go in on him and just let the justifications (lies) flow! smh lol