When should the benefits run out?
There are some “friends with benefits” situations that never should have started. The arrangement rarely turns out “all good” but somehow FWB tend to last longer than they should. Why is that, though? If you have someone waiting in the wings, how much real effort do you devote to finding something more meaningful?
I feel as if there are certain signs that let you know when the benefits of Friends with Benefits should run out. It should not have to come to a messy end, though. I believe the key is being proactive and getting real about where things stand. Tell the truth when your feelings have changed.
Have you ever gone had a friends with benefits situation? How did you know when to cut it off? How long should FWB situations really last?
Happy Friday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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135 comments Add your comment
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
11:17 am
I believe all cheating
with another person starts with ‘conversation’; no if, ands, or buts
about it. This is usually due to the fact of lack of ‘communication’
(about one thing or another) with your significant other at home. But
I find it funny the definition of conversation means to be able to
talk socially with others. While the lack of communication means the
inability to interchange thoughts, opinions, or information by speech,
writing, or signs. Go figure. So is it really ones inability to
communication or simply the intrigue of another’s conversation? Just a
thought.
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
11:19 am
a dude should know the crazy with which he deals and not scream “crazy” after the fact.<<<<<<<<<Love that C!
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:21 am
lady/C – re knowing the crazy. I think sometimes crazy catches dudes off guard but I really think most know what they are dealing with and simply think they are “so much the man” that they can handle it. add to that the fact that most cheaters go in thinking that other cheaters get caught but not them and it’s a recipe for disaster.
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:21 am
lady – what you smirking about?
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
11:21 am
Lady – Honey they already know. Folks just don’t like to deal with the fallout. But you already know if you’re biting off of something that’s gonna be a mouthful to chew.
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
11:23 am
just smirking disco down right comical!
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
11:24 am
disco – So true, esp “crazy catching dudes off guard.”
Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)
December 14th, 2012
11:24 am
I’m really just not built for a FWB. I will catch feelings too easy, because I gotta feel a little something for you to begin with if I’m gonna sleep with you.
I totally agree and understand that Kimmie. That type of thing isn’t for everybody. Trust me, I’ve liked the guys I had FWB situations with and knew what I did and didn’t want from them so it worked out. Alot of it was selfishness on my part b/c I didn’t want relationships at the time…
abc
December 14th, 2012
11:27 am
I think that a cheating partner either isn’t really thinking things through well enough to realize what the negative repercussions could be, or they don’t care about their other enough to care about the negative repercussions. If it happened to me, it’d take a lot for me to stick around. Is there actual remorse, do I think it’ll really never happen again, is dude dead? Hm.
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
11:30 am
I agree folks aren’t thinking things through, but you have to know if it’s anything that’s not on the up and up, on the side, in addition to, an added extra….there’s the possiblity of crazy. The only time I feel crazy shouldn’t catch a person off guard if things are being done on the up and up and the straight and narrow. IMO, cheating and crazy go hand and hand and is par for that kind of course.
DuShawn
December 14th, 2012
11:32 am
-abc- “……a man will not respect you if you’re a FWB.” That’s not entirely true. The accessibly to the punnanny is the determining factor. I have had friends that dictated if and when the intimacy was going down. I couldn’t just call these women three in the morning and tell them I’m coming thru, get it right. Furthermore, when they decided that the sexual part our relationship was over, it was done. I had to respect that and we would still be cool. Now on the other hand, if I could beat it anytime I wanted and treat you dismissively, you are not a FWB…you a jump off. Admittedly, there is a fine line between the two.
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
11:33 am
Dushawn – Your 11:32 contradicts most of what you normally post…IJS
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:33 am
celisea – lol. or in my world, with a chick like me, monogamy and crazy go hand in hand too. crazy just is. y’all know I’m silly.
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
11:35 am
disco – Well, in my world it’s probably the same…to some limp noodled dude…lol Nowadays, women get pegged for crazy if she simply require someone to be forthcoming and on the real. Yeah, you got issues if you don’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe….lol
abc
December 14th, 2012
11:36 am
I eventually came to think of it like this, DuShawn: when I’d hit it with a chick I didn’t really care about, what I was doing was taking advantage of somebody’s future wife. What did I think about someone doing the same thing to mine? Not much. So, I came to think of it as absolutely the wrong thing to do.
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:37 am
dushawn – fine line? not really. I guess it could be a fine line for the chick that thinks she’s a FWB but is only a jumpoff. personally I think there’s a big difference between the two. of course, thinking about it, it’s probably just semantics. FWB sounds better to some than jumpoff so it might enable a person to feel a tiny bit better about the situation.
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
11:42 am
i see we are having ego wars this morning! lol
DuShawn
December 14th, 2012
11:48 am
C- …..contradicts most of what you normally post…How so?
The litmus test to determine if one is a FWB or a Jump-off is this: If the sex is removed from the equation. Would you all still hang out, tell each other what’s going on in your life, call when you don’t want anything just to say wuzzup. That’s what friends do. If he stops calling when yall stop f^&kin, you were never his friend.
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:50 am
dushawn – your post made me think that there are levels of friends which tickled me because it reminded me of my conversation with my son explaining levels of “grown”. lol. you know you want them to be mature and independent and all that but you occasionally have to remind them that while they may be grown, they aren’t “that grown”
kimmie
December 14th, 2012
11:52 am
disco – Did you see Scandal last night?
Single and Happy
December 14th, 2012
11:53 am
a man will not respect you if you’re a FWB
My FWB are the ones who came to my aid when I couldn’t drive, we help each other out when needed that doesn’t always include sex.
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:55 am
kimmie – no. I got home around 10:15 and so opted not to watch. will watch online over the weekend.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 14th, 2012
11:57 am
know most dudes have their lies on the ready but every now and again a player is at a loss for words
You got that right…my ex stood still as a ghost when the other chick popped over to his house while I was there.
disco
December 14th, 2012
11:57 am
S/H – I can’t count the number of times some guy was in my face or on the phone talking about “girl you know we friends” and I had to tell him “mutha sucka you know good and darned well we ain’t friends”. lol. that’s not to say that sometimes folks are never friends, just saying that I know what side my bread is buttered on. some guys are straight running game with “friends”.
kimmie
December 14th, 2012
11:58 am
disco – Okay we can talk about it Monday. A few twists I was NOT expecting! Oh, and I don’t recall any Olivia hollering, so it’s alot more enjoyable!LOL!!
kimmie
December 14th, 2012
12:00 pm
disco – Yeah, some think that “friends” lable is supposed to make errthang alright!
Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)
December 14th, 2012
12:00 pm
we help each other out when needed that doesn’t always include sex.
Cosign…there would be times we’d talk and shoot the breeze or if I needed help with something and asked it was done and vice versa.
I agree with your 11:48 Du…
Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)
December 14th, 2012
12:02 pm
my ex stood still as a ghost when the other chick popped over to his house while I was there.
I know he wanted to disappear into thin air…
DuShawn
December 14th, 2012
12:02 pm
“-abc- ……what I was doing was taking advantage of somebody’s future wife.” That reminds me of a friend I had that traveled a lot on business. She would fly me in to different cities so we could vibe. I would brag to my potnahs that I got a chick leaving tickets for me at the airport. “Imma Boss!” They quickly reminded me “She’s the pimp..I’m just one of her hoes.” To speak your point, you may think your taking advantage, but that may not always be the case.
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:03 pm
Dushawn – I don’t want to come off overly harsh but here goes…
Most of your posts show little to no regard and really seem to be stories of conquests, “cause you could.” So today I hear a hint of regard (maybe??) because they called the shots and controlled when and where? Honestly, I could have missed something. I dunno, you just don’t strike me as a brother that cares. I would think going along with a chick calling the shots for you, is just a means to an end, still victims none the less. Of course you didn’t say that. Just comparing to your normal diatribes
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:06 pm
Me thinks me need another course in FWB 101….lol We’ve talked about it before but when I think of FWB, I think of having sex, no real feelings, no relationship in tow, in sight or top of mind. Do the dang thing and go on home. I mean if folks doing stuff for you and coming to your aid is that not more? Y’all don’t go together? lololol
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
12:07 pm
Kansas City Chiefs player Jovan Belcher shot dead girlfriend and then killed himself after she told him he was NOT the father of her baby http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2248136/Kansas-City-Chiefs-player-Jovan-Belcher-shot-dead-girlfriend-committed-suicide-told-father-baby.html
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 14th, 2012
12:08 pm
The other day this lady caught me in the parking lot grabbing lunch, asking for a ride. She said her car broke down, her young son was at the dentist and she had just ran to grab him something to eat. Anyway, she goes on to tell me that her car broke down and she’s dealing with a married dude so he can’t always come when she needs him to. Then she goes on to preach to me about never getting involved with a married dude. So I flipped on her and asked why would she knowingly mess with him but she claimed her lied to her and by that time she had fell in love with him
Yes she told me all this in a 7 minute car ride
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:08 pm
Lady – OOOOOOOOOOOOmygoodness. That’s deep!!
disco
December 14th, 2012
12:09 pm
celisea – that’s where perspective comes in. lol. think about it, there’s stalker type dudes that think if they buy you a drink y’all go together. there’s chicks that if you sex them even without talk of commitment, in her mind y’all go together. flip side, look at all the babies born to people who obviously didn’t go together but got together.
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
12:09 pm
C I was thinking the same thing and was just like everyone have their own spin but one usually catches feelings but nothing is coming out of it but to let it go or SETTLE for FWB and what comes with it hurt self feelings bc a person will only do what you allow but carry on lol
DuShawn
December 14th, 2012
12:10 pm
-C- there is some validity to your comment. I do believe my dating expriences differ from most.
kimmie
December 14th, 2012
12:11 pm
Lady – I had a feeling something like that had gone down. Sad
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 14th, 2012
12:11 pm
Sassy – He didn’t know what to do especially when she and I begin exchanging info. His desperation turned into, he was going to call the cops
disco
December 14th, 2012
12:12 pm
slim – old girl needs to at least upgrade to a married dude that can put her in a more reliable car. lol. okay. sorry. I shouldn’t crack jokes.
slim – he was going to call the cops? why? what was his reasoning?
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:13 pm
disco – Okay, I can get with that but at the same time, there are those folks that will knowingly allow something to flow, under someone being misguided and won’t clarify. And then when she or he is claiming “we go together”, THEEEN they want to be crystal clear…lol
Honestly, I think there are all types of scenarios depending upon the person, their outlook, their motives (if any). Some folks just know and you can vibe without having to speak too much to it (those are those IMO on the up and up), there are those that are in it for the getting and will see you’re on a different page and let it ride until they can get out of it what they want, there are those that clearly says one thing and to someone desperate, things are lost in translation…so yeah, it just depends.
Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)
December 14th, 2012
12:13 pm
Yes she told me all this in a 7 minute car ride
Slim maybe she felt comfortable with you..nah that’s still a bit much to divulge to someone you’ve just met..
Lady I read that earlier and thought that was too sad…
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:14 pm
Lady – Your 12:09 spot on. Yes, sometimes folks can see where things are headed but will continue to do what they do…cause they can
DuShawn – You earn a little bit more respect from me today, with your admission…lololol
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:16 pm
Me and my boo have plans Saturday
I’m stoked…lol
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 14th, 2012
12:18 pm
Lady – Well if that is true, at least that baby has a living father somewhere here. Otherwise, she’s going to grow up with no parents outside of her grandparents
Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)
December 14th, 2012
12:18 pm
His desperation turned into, he was going to call the cops
That reminded me of a story I’ve shared here before. When I was about 20 I found out a guy I was dating was cheating with another girl and she claimed to be pregnant. Well we got together and compared notes, then called his mom and told her we were coming to the house in the morinng. Well when Saturday morning and we went to the house and knocked on the door…HE opened it and was like
and RAN…in his pajamas mind you. Hi-la-ri-ous 
Celisea
December 14th, 2012
12:20 pm
Lady – In a bad situation, maybe that’s the silver lining. I would be overjoyed if that baby had at least one parent. Only the good Lord knows all the whys.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 14th, 2012
12:23 pm
disco – Get this though, she said the married dude is a mechanic (LOL), which is how she met him in the first place. I had asked her what she planned on doing about her car but I guess she was going to wait to see when he’d be able to check on her. As far as my ex, that’s just some bs he said to get us to stop talking to each other in the driveway of his crib. I was like call the cops??? Ain’t nobody out here fighting or anything. Plus my stuff was still in his house and my drivers license still had his address on it from when we lived together. lol
Sassy – I think she may have been on something because she kept fidgeting with her wig & wouldn’t sit still. I originally told her I was not going to give her a ride but I changed my mind and gave her a ride anyway. Then she wanted to use my phone and i’m thinking I know she isn’t about to run out of my car trying to steal my phone. (she had asked me how much I paid a month for my service)
Lady~smirk!
December 14th, 2012
12:23 pm
waving @ Kimmie!
Yup C and Slim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sassy Me...Ready for whatever ;-)
December 14th, 2012
12:23 pm
should’ve been *”when Saturday morning came*..but y’all get it.
there are those that are in it for the getting and will see you’re on a different page and let it ride until they can get out of it what they want
True…that’s when things end badly..