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Dating: Are you getting better?

I ran into a guy who I was friends with when I first moved to Atlanta. We worked together and would always swap dating horror stories. The last we spoke, he was trying to end things with his girlfriend who treated him horribly. When we caught up over drinks, he started telling me almost the exact same scenario that he was facing 7 years ago.

I had to stop him and ask, “Wait, am I tripping or did you already date this girl?!” I had to break down the pattern that he clearly has had attracting the same type of woman. He wasn’t getting better at dating, or mate selection. I actually think he got worse. This latest dating misadventure seems a lot crazier!

As I left him, I had this horrifying thought that maybe I had the same problem and did not know it. What if after all these years, I haven’t learned a thing! Do you ever worry that you have a pattern when it comes to attraction and relationships?

If you charted your dating evolution, would you be able to see wiser choices that you are making compared to 3, 5, or 7 years ago?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

164 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
7:02 am

Hey all

If you find yourself dating the same person you have to look at the common denominator in all the equations, which is you! You know that personality that you say you don’t like, but you always seem to find it. If you want to change the people around you, you have to CHANGE the people around you.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 13th, 2012
8:44 am

Good morning Lovelies :-D

SH pretty much summed this up but I will go a step further and point out something I actually learned watching Keyshia Cole’s reality show. When her and her hubby went to therapy, the therapist told her that she usually reacts in her defensive, eat or die type of manner. So what she needed to learn how to do was to do what was UNNATURAL for her, not her typical response in order to get different results. So that my friends is going to be key in doing better. Switch your routine up.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 13th, 2012
8:49 am

I know it’s early for off topic but I heard that Frank AND Wanda are leaving V103…wow :shock:

disco

December 13th, 2012
9:07 am

good morning.

S/H – what do I need to change about myself to stop being a magnet for single parent fathers? i can’t possibly be sending superior maternal instincts out into the universe.

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
9:17 am

Slim will you miss them, I never liked them, Frank was to opinionated for me, and Wanda isn’t that funny to me.

Disco, now that’s something that you have to look within yourself, and what’s wrong with single parent fathers? Where are you meeting these guys?

Leggs

December 13th, 2012
9:18 am

Good morning.

I believe, wholeheartedly, that I’ve gotten better as I’ve matured. Not that anyone has ever walked over me, but I find that I’m less tolerant of juvenile/callous behavior and will speak on it. Although I am outspoken, believe it or not, I’ve bitten my tongue on many occasions. No more. I have to check your behavior at the door just so you know how to come correct if you should step back to me. Case in point, “21 day” dude is trying to reconnect with me. That’s not happening. You disrespect me once, I’m not giving you a second chance.

MsAtl

December 13th, 2012
9:22 am

Morning All!
“trying to end things with his girlfriend who treated him horribly.”
Was the girlfriend really treating him horribly or is this just his perception? (Yes, I know; your perception is your reality, IJS). Sometimes when we don’t get what we want, we don’t think we are being irrational but rather that the other person isn’t treating us well. Not to mention, what the devil is “trying to break up?” That sounds like that ish- Man: my wife is a bish and doesn’t understand me.
Q: Why are you still married to her?
Man: She won’t give me a divorce.
I don’t have enough of a dating experience to notice a pattern, but I have learned to recognize crazy and steer clear of it.
SlimNu- I thought only Frank was leaving. Wow!

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
9:23 am

Leggs, it’s not about disrespecting, its about having the same complaints about different people with the same personalities.

disco

December 13th, 2012
9:24 am

S/H – that sounded all philosophical and whatnot. “the answer is within”. lol. what’s wrong with them? nothing just not what I want. I’ve got a long history of meeting men who have custody of their kids. don’t know why. it didn’t bother me (as) much when I had a child at home but now I most def don’t want to be bothered. where do I meet them? most recently met one at the gym. met another at the air/space museum in dc. met another at a party for a returning soldier. my point is it’s not like I’m trolling chuck e. cheese and monkey joes.

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
9:32 am

Msatl, that’s why you have to look within, You have to remember what may be tolerable to one person may be horrible to another. Breaking up is not easy to do when you’re in love, but you know you need to leave.

Disco, yes grasshopper look in the mirror and all the your questions will be answered when you see the forest behind the trees (lmao)

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 13th, 2012
9:34 am

SH – They both had their moments…Frank sometimes would come off as a know-it-all and sometimes Wanda may have seemed a bit rough around the edges but in reality, we’re around folks like that all the time. I guess it’s just the thought of not hearing them in the mornings at all anymore. I did enjoy some of the topics they had or the service they did as far as helping those in need. However, I do like Ryan Cameron too though so all is not lost lol

Leggs

December 13th, 2012
9:38 am

I enjoyed Frank Ski when he first arrived. He brought that NY flair with him in terms of music. It was funny how his wife didn’t get pregnant all that time living in NY, then BAM, 3 boys. However, over the years, both him and Wanda became annoying. Nonetheless, they have good hearts and have helped many. Can’t take that away from them.

Single ~ I understand what you’re saying, but in that particular case, it was disrespect.

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
9:43 am

Slim, most of the time I’m the know it all, so couldn’t stomach him (LOL) but seriously the way he used to hang up on people when their opinions didn’t agree with his, that was just taking it too far, just like I can change the radio station I can change the people around me. I probably only listened to the twice in their 14 years, Haven’t listened to any radio in 2 years. Don’t even like satellite. I used to Like Ryan and Twanda, I think that was her name.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 13th, 2012
9:49 am

MsA – At first, I think it was just going to be Frank but I think Wanda just figured she might as well dip too. I’m sure it would’ve come up eventually anyway.

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
9:51 am

Slim from the sound of it, Wanda was collateral damage. Guess since they couldn’t come to terms with Frank they didn’t need either.

Leggs

December 13th, 2012
9:54 am

“…my point is it’s not like I’m trolling chuck e. cheese and monkey joes.” – Thanks for the laugh so early!!

Exiled!

December 13th, 2012
9:54 am

Are u getting better….have u gotten better?

Some may not even get it!

Have u really gotten better..if u are in the game but u got no results to show for it,then u ain’t gotten better. Period!

And it’s not enough to say ‘I’m better coz I can spot what I don’t want’. The is just but one small bit of the puzzle.

Are You what you want to be and can U attract what U want?

U follow me?

Understand this:dhudhu attracts flies! U hear me????. Dhudhu attracts flies!

U can’t continue to attract flies but say,’oh,I’m better coz I can spot the flies’ but yet the flies continue to hover around you or you only ’spot’ them and ‘drop’ them after you have been around each other a bit.

Why are the flies still around U?

U feel me?

If u have gotten better,prove it! Not to me..,,to urself.

Do the flies give u one look but shy and fly away? Do the bees come instead to seeking your nectar?

Hey MIA

Leggs

December 13th, 2012
9:55 am

There’s a blog up re Frank and Wanda and the reviews are not nice!

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 13th, 2012
9:57 am

Leggs – Yeah, I checked that out earlier this morning and it seems many are happy about it. :???:

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
10:03 am

Leggs, I saw that, but you know the only ones that usually post are the one that don’t like things,

O/T when it comes to meeting the same person, it’s not about meeting bad people it’s about the type of person you meet, IE: I’m tired of meeting people that shop all the time. but I keep meeting people at the mall. I don’t like meeting guys that hang out at the club all the time, but I keep meeting guys at the club. I don’t like women that don’t cook, but I keep meeting women in restaurants. see where I’m going with this. some times we listen to the ex stories and think you’re so nice he must have been crazy, until we become the one.

Bluzgirl

December 13th, 2012
10:05 am

I don’t even need to comment on this topic! Ya’ll know that I’ve been this person. Just hoping that I have learned and will change my “type” moving forward…

Ugh…I woke up sick today…I’ve been sick more this year than any other year. Let’s see how long I can make it at work…

Leggs

December 13th, 2012
10:13 am

Hope you don’t feel any worse than you do now, Bluz! Keep your germs to yourself (lol).

Leggs

December 13th, 2012
10:13 am

Meaning, go home.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 13th, 2012
10:22 am

It seems like soooo many people are sick. I took some airborne this morning so I don’t catch what the beau has.

disco

December 13th, 2012
10:25 am

bluz – I second leggs’ comment. if you are sick and you know you are sick, why did you go to work?

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
10:29 am

Disco she didn’t want to use her vacation days (LOL)

Celisea

December 13th, 2012
10:32 am

OOOOOOmagoodness, Mmeello you took it there…lol

On topic: Ummm, I can dig where Diva is going and the point she’s making but the reality is people like what they like and are drawn to what attracts them. My thoughts? WORK IT OUT!! Make it happen. Why go for what you REALLY don’t want all because what you really want seems un-doable? And if you find your attaction is say, always the same type but a problem and have trouble relating, going for that chick or dude that REALLY ain’t exactly the answer either. Not saying you can’t try new things or shouldn’t be open. I’m saying if you find what you want is what you always come back to but it never works, then flip the coin and adjust your view. Take a look at yourself, the common denominator and you make some adjustments. More than likely it’s you that needs to switch thngs up a bit. Don’t settle though for “easy.”

Now, if it’s so deep where folks are calling folks crazy and what not, then yeah, you might wanna mix things up and bit and go for different. But in my experience, folks know the crazy in which they love (I’m kidding, sort of) :mrgreen:

Like I posted here before, now and historically, my dudes are ALWAYS laid back, pretty much quiet in nature, the calm one of the two (of us). It works though and nothing they can’t handle or deal with. I don’t believe in walking all over my man. I’m not throwing tempert tantrums, I don’t play games. I’m just direct and to the point. If I like it, I’m good. If I don’t, I say so and we go from there. If I don’t like it, sometimes I’ll retreat…it is a two-way street you know. Just don’t be that dude that wrongs me…we go another direction in that case….lololol

Off topic: Our holiday luncheon is today :mrgreen: Hope I don’t end up with a tummy ache :shock: But it’s already been established, I DON’T EAT OUT OF FOLKS’ HOMES….lololol Actually, I didn’t sign up cause I wasn’t here part of the time and the rest of the time? I forgot :mrgreen: I did stop though and picked up spinach dip and Town House Italian Herb crackers cause y’all know how folks are that keep tabs on stuff….(i.e. she’s eating but she didn’t bring a dish)

Celisea

December 13th, 2012
10:32 am

Ut oh, didn’t realize it was gonna be THAT long…my baaaad

Celisea

December 13th, 2012
10:35 am

“going for that chick or dude that really ain’t what you want….” is what I meant

i'm swiss

December 13th, 2012
10:38 am

“i can’t possibly be sending superior maternal instincts out into the universe.”

disco — I have a feeling I might get blog-slapped for this one, but… if you’re attracting men who have custody of their kids, they’ve apparently been involved with women who lack maternal instincts in the past. Maybe that’s the signal they’re responding to from you…? :lol:

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
10:40 am

Swiss because a woman doesn’t have custody means she doesn’t have maternal instincts?

i'm swiss

December 13th, 2012
10:41 am

Damn, Me.lo… I think you just earned yourself a nomination for Blog Quote of the Year with that “dhudhu attracts flies” line. :lol:

i'm swiss

December 13th, 2012
10:42 am

S/H — Not necessarily. But for the sake of my blog-zinger, yes. :lol:

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
10:43 am

Okay swiss you trying to get it started (LOL)

i'm swiss

December 13th, 2012
10:44 am

S/H — Hey, it’s been slow around here lately. Somebody’s gotta start something…

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
10:45 am

Swiss instead of the holiday spirit, maybe it’s the holiday blues (LOL)

disco

December 13th, 2012
10:47 am

swiss – actually I can accept that response. it means they (the men) are the problem. lol. if he was with a non-maternal chick and that’s what he wants well then that’s great for him (just not so great for me).

S/H – leave swiss alone. we’ve been down the road of the double standard as it applies to single parents.

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
10:52 am

Disco, we’ve been down every road (LOL) maybe it’s time to get some stimulus money and build some new ones (LOL)

Courtside Seats...For watching the action....

December 13th, 2012
10:53 am

LOL…..”Dhudhu and Flies, I do despise”………

This post might have made my morning……

i'm swiss

December 13th, 2012
10:59 am

Well, since it seems to be slowing down in here, let me take this opportunity to b!tch a little bit… :lol:

I don’t know how many of you out there have had extensive dealings with Babies R Us, but based on our experience with them, I would advise any future parents to avoid them like the plague. I’ve never dealt with a company that was more disorganized, incompetent and completely devoid of any actual customer service than Babies R Us. Not sure if it’s just the store we’ve been dealing with (on North Point Pkwy) or if they’re all this bad, but I will never again set foot in one of those hell holes. In the words of Charles Barkley, they’re “TURRIBLE”

disco

December 13th, 2012
11:00 am

S/H – every road? dang. my grandma always said there was nothing new under the sun but I wasn’t trying to hear that.

Single & Happy

December 13th, 2012
11:06 am

Disco your grandma is a wise lady (LOL) the only thing that changes is the date, everything else has happened before and will happen again.

Celisea

December 13th, 2012
11:10 am

I thought the saying was “ninjas and flies, I do despise”

I first heard that saying out of the mouth of the kid’s grandmother, an an 88 year old lady, talking like that. Dang shame.

Celisea

December 13th, 2012
11:10 am

Correction: Kid’s great grandmother

Bluzgirl

December 13th, 2012
11:19 am

I came into work because I had a loan closing this morning. Trying to tough it out. Our receptionist came in today and left within an hour. I’m gonna see what all I have to do today and decide if I should go on home…

kimmie

December 13th, 2012
11:21 am

Morning All!

I am “attending” a leadership podcast as I type this! Alot of stuff I kinda already know :)

On topic – I clearly got better because I managed to attract exactly the kind of man I wanted. Although, I would not say I was doing all that bad before. A person can look really good on paper, but if things just don’t click with you, if the stars are not lined up for the 2 of you, what difference does it make? So unless you are choosing folk with obvious issues over and over, sometimes it just boils down to fate,luck, timing,”meant-to-be”.

Courtside Seats...For watching the action....

December 13th, 2012
11:21 am

Celisea, That’s teh way I heard it too, But “Dhudhu and flies” brings about the same sentiment…. LOL

Celisea

December 13th, 2012
11:23 am

Hey Courtside Seats……yeah, it does. All I can say is Mmeello went there…straight took it there.

disco

December 13th, 2012
11:27 am

I hate to be the one to bring up food but if hunger packed a punch I’d be laid out on the floor up in here. I got my mouth all set for something that I can’t get my hands on at lunch. might be calling in for some takeout on the drive home today though.

Robert

December 13th, 2012
11:31 am

“If you charted your dating evolution, would you be able to see wiser choices that you are making compared to 3, 5, or 7 years ago?”

If I could chart my dating choices using the “stars” as my guide I would make “wiser” choices compared to my past. For example. I will use the “zodiac” signs as my guide posts to navigate through the sea’s of women.

1. Aqarius – Great people. We get along very well.

2. Capricorn – Like drinking fine wine. Real smooth. Good taste.

3. Aries – My best match. Very inteligent. Loyal and dependable.

4. Taurus – Very sensual. Creative.

5. Gemini – Very Confident. Reliable.

6. Cancer – Quiet annd observant. Patience.

7. Leo – Leader by nature. Agressive.

8. Virgo – Very Special. Personality.

9. Libra – My 2nd best match. Very inteligent. Loyal and dependable.

10. Scorpio – My sexual fantasy. Trouble.

11. Sagitarius – Good friends. Easy to talk to and get along

12. Never date #12. Stay away. Crazy, lunatics. Break your car windows out.