Relationships: That’s not love?
If you have ever been in love before – you know the feeling of euphoria and butterflies in your stomach. It’s as terrifying and exhilarating as jumping out of an airplane must feel like. There really is no other feeling quite like that! Sadly, once you have had that intense emotion, you pretty much judge all relationships by that standard.
Do you think it is a good thing, though? What happens when we spend so much time chasing that same feeling that we had once before? Is it fair to compare to that time you fell so hard?
If you don’t feel that same kind of emotion and passion for someone, does that mean you are really not in love?
A lot of people are lucky enough to have had that feeling once. So how do you know when it’s not love just because you feel differently?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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162 comments Add your comment
lee
December 11th, 2012
7:15 am
I do not judge all relationship on my first love. Love changes as you get older–it will not be the same. Heres a question: Do you love me enough to change my diapers when i can no longer go to the restroom on my own? <– thats real life.. lol
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
9:15 am
Love, the way you describe it Diva is in the same terms that most people use when they use crack.
“The first time is mind blowing, and you spend the rest of your days chasing that high. Until it gets to the point where you’re just using because you have to, you need it to feel….right.”
I got that way thinking about love (and sex). It wasn’t til I realized my error that started to see things differently.
The difference between sex and that first crack high is that you can get that feeling with each relationship. And people chase it, and get bored with/dependent on it, just the same as with the drug.
Where I hit bottom was trying to tie the emotional need for sex into what should have remained a pure friendship. I was blind, “that isht was calling me man.” But I’m glad I hit bottom, and had my moment of clarity. It allowed me to recognize my errors. Trying to make “like” ‘love’, and havng “love” without ‘like’.
Getting to the point where you truly understand that you have issues (the main one being yourself) is a hard thing to do in life.
But, I’m here to tell ya (ha) that wheeeeen you get past yourself (ha) luuoovvee (ha) has been right there (ha) the whole time (ha). And if it’s oooonleee (ha) the love of yourself (ha) that you find(a), you’ve found that (ha). And luuuooovee (ha) with another person (ha) is not truly far behind.
[puts on robe, drops the mic, and exits stage left]
[heard in the distance] Luuuuooooveeee(ha)
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
9:23 am
Just dang….first day back at work, sipping coffee and eating breakfast, was gonna have my first laugh of the day annnnd….nothing??
Where are all the miscreants?? Where’s lolalee and Mr. Unknown? Where’s Dude, Row 125, Jeff, LeeH1, HST, Enigma, I Used To Be Here Before, Foxy, Dyslexic Bunny…and so many many more??? Where y’all at???
Rev it up folks….c’mon!!!!!
We have dinner scheduled this evening with all of our execs. Folks are drilling in already and looking all spiffy
Everyone is on their best behavior. Guess I should be too. Off to work I go.
On topic (before I go): I think at some point we all may have held someone to the standard of a past love. But, I think as you grow and evolve and come into “what love is”, I think you start learning (well I know for me), that it’s nothing more than being “hung up”, rather than feeling like that (past love) was the thing that broke the mold. Most times (again, for me), it was more so not willing to jump back out there. I’ve said it before, I got my dusting for a small window of time from the kid’s dad cause I didn’t want to go through the starting over process again. At the time, I thought he was the best lover, the most endowed, the most skilled. Well, when I fully let go and found someone that possessed all the mental and spiritual attributes as well as being able to satisfy sexually, I found myself having an “I could have had a V8″ moment…..lololol
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
9:26 am
Dan – Trying to make “like” ‘love’, and havng “love” without ‘like’.
Nice Dan…I like this
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
9:36 am
Morning.
I know nothing about love (lol). What I do know is I don’t compare present relationships with past relationships. As you get older, the definition and feeling of love alters. What we looked for in our mid 20’s, isn’t the same thing we look for as we get older. That feeling of deep euphoria/fabulous sex is still sought after, however, along with that we look at the bigger picture of stability, support and possibly picturing “will this person be sitting with me on the porch in our rocking chairs?”
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
9:37 am
I have a feeling this topic is going to wear out quickly. I’ve had that euphoria feeling with being in love only a couple of times. There are times in the past that I thought I was in love. There are really only a couple of times that I know I was in love…even thought it ended badly. I was in love for a while. I don’t think you can recreate the euphoria you felt when you first felt love, but once you fall again, I don’t think you remember how you felt before because you’re feeling it now. Make sense?
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
9:38 am
personally, i’m addicted to the newness. i luv the giddiness of ‘getting to know you’. not so crazy about coping with each others’ quirks, tho. that’s just me … i own it!
by no means does this translate to “love!”, but there’s much to be said for that euphoric feeling everyone goes thru early on. right now, i’m walking that fine line between comfort/security and complacency.
morning, all!
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
9:43 am
personally, i’m addicted to the newness. i luv the giddiness of ‘getting to know you’. not so crazy about coping with each others’ quirks, tho. that’s just me … i own it!
Me too, me too….looooove the feeling of things being new!
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
9:45 am
That is one of the best parts, czB. The part that makes you jump through hoops to get to each other, to ride down that highway doing things you have no business doing…oops, I digress!
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
9:57 am
@CZ……personally, i’m addicted to the newness. i luv the giddiness of ‘getting to know you’. not so crazy about coping with each others’ quirks, tho by no means does this translate to “love!”,
A man ………personally, i’m addicted to the newness of newbootey by no means does this translate to “love!”,
@.Leggs….@ 20, What we looked for in our mid 20’s, =That feeling of deep euphoria/fabulous sex = LOVE
@Leggs @ 65 sitting with me on the porch in our rocking chairs,having fab sex thru holding hands = the bigger picture of stability(social sec and his pension), support = LOVE…
So what is Love??
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 11th, 2012
10:04 am
Good morning gang
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
10:10 am
Helluva question, Ex, helluva question
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
10:16 am
Love is one of the hardest things known to man to define!
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
10:17 am
me-lo, you’re on it! now i need to hear your breakdown of 40s.
Single and Happy Terrific Tuesday!
December 11th, 2012
10:22 am
Love and euphoria, man that was so long ago, don’t remember what it felt like.
Sitting on the porch, naw, I’ll see you when I get back. (LOL)
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
10:29 am
hey, slim lady!
@ leggs, The part that makes you jump through hoops to get to each other,
as opposed to —-> “what the hell are you doing here AGAIN?” lmao
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
10:29 am
I don’t think there is any one way to define love. I think you just know it when you feel it…
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
10:43 am
Love is a combination of words, but moreso one’s actions.
I’ll never forget when someone said they weren’t necessarily thinking of marriage, but they knew they loved their woman. Knowing he never wanted to live another day w/o her in his life prompted him to ask for her hand in marriage. They’re still happily married and expecting their first bambina!!!
disco
December 11th, 2012
10:45 am
bluz – know it when you feel it sounds good but lawd knows some folks mistake a bunch of other feelings/actions for love. of course, what do I know, it could be love to them. lol. “he pulled me out of the club by my hair because he loves me” or she cut all my tires and poured bleach on all my clothes because she loves me”. to each his own.
oops. good morning. don’t think I’ve posted yet.
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
10:53 am
IMO, I don’t think love can be boxed in by definition. I don’t think it’s limited to the touchy feely type stuff we associate with love. I just think you know when you know and you know it, because of being tried and found to be true. If it’s a relationship that’s been nothing but all good, I don’t think you have a truly captured love…..yet Possibly mayhaps, but just what I think. IMO, you need to excercise both sides of the “love” coin to really know.
IMO, I don’t think you’ll REALLY know until you go a lifetime with someone. I think relationships that are young or at the midway mark are well on their way but, I think when you reach the years of sitting in rocking chairs, then you can then speak to what love is and how it sustained the test of time. Or a widow/widower that can speak to how they endured as a couple of until death brought about the ending of said marriage.
For me, I’ve had the mindset that I knew love, until I was disappointed or could see clearly that we weren’t on the same page or that his definition versus my defintion…or I should say expectations vastly differed. Clearly, it wasn’t love…lol I believe everybody is familiar with the feel good, the giddies (yes I like giddiness), the butterflies but I think that’s just the juice. That’s not solid and can be as equally fleeting as turning solid…if that make sense. Feeling good and doing great together is alllll good, but do you REAAALY know?? Is it possible to love for a moment or does love last a life time? Is it love if what you feel is definitely not what the other person feels? Can it exist if it’s mixmatched or not evenly measured? Or, is love even? Do you have that thing that forces you to look the other way when you were tempted? Not for you but for your SO? Or on the flip side of someone that clearly don’t understand love, does it make you forgive because of the other person’s indiscretions? In your forgiving an unfaithful spouse/SO, does love teach you how to teach the other person what giving 100% means? Or, is love ever present where you’re able to forgive? If you don’t was it not love? When you want to walk, does love keep you there working it out? Does love make you go that extra mile or retreat for the sake of compromise and peace? Does it have to nurtured and cultivated or does it “just work” on it’s own?
Hmmmmmm
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
10:55 am
Let’s not get into “he hit me because he loves me.” Those who equate pain with a man showing them love are obviously warped in their thinking. Let’s stick with the warm glow of love that is positive.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
10:56 am
positive, uplifting and sincere. The two of you can move mountains type of love (and do)!
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
10:58 am
disco – very true! I guess to them, that is love. I have a friend who seems to always find herself in abusive relationships, but apparently, that’s what she knows of love. It’s a shame because she is worth so much more. I think that my views on love have adjusted based on who I’ve loved in the past. I look forward to the day when I do find a true mutual love…
disco
December 11th, 2012
11:01 am
leggs – fine but that violent love is the same as that giddy love to some. it’s how they measure it. then you have the practical, non-romantic types like myself. I’m like “did I feed you today? yes? then why you all up in my face talking that love foolishness? go sit down somewhere”
Robert
December 11th, 2012
11:02 am
“So how do you know when it’s not love just because you feel differently?”
I can only speak for myself. When I was a young man (20-25) I thought all women “loved” me and I could “love” them back one day. I was too young to understand the difference of being “loved” by someone else and being “In Love”. There is a big difference.
For example when a Man is “loved” by a woman she is expressing her passion and desire for you. When a man is “In Love” with a woman he will constantly have that woman on his mind and she can do no wrong. He can not eat or sleep without thinking about her. He wants to be in her presense all the time. Y
You may feel differently. As a Man you are experiencing these feelings for the first time in your life.
As I matured as a Man (30-35) I wanted more out of my relationships. I gained experience and recognized the difference between being “loved” and “In love”.
I have met many women who I “loved” very much. I am still searching and waiting to find that woman who I am “In Love” with. I know she is out there waiting for me to find her. Where is she? The Best Is Yet To Come…..
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
11:05 am
I was listening to Bonnie Raitt’s song, I Can’t Make You Love Me, and thought, dang sure wouldn’t want to be in her position. I’ve heard it time and time again over the years, but I was in deep thought and thought, that’s some serious stuff right there. Going at it one more time, knowing dude ain’t feeling you? All cause you love him??
Does love causes you to be blind??
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
11:10 am
Is it love if what you feel is definitely not what the other person feels? Yeap.
Can it exist if it’s mixmatched or not evenly measured? Yeap.
Or, is love even? Nope.
The minute you start weighing “who loves who more” is the minute the relationship suffers.
Forgive me for forgetting his name, but there was a brother on here that stated “I love my wife, and she loves me, but we love our marriage more” (paraprashing) but I’ll be daggummed if that didn’t crystalize a way to think about marriage, love, and relationships.
I don’t think “love” should be measured as a tit-for-tat, I think that on the whole you shouldn’t concern yourself with what your SO is doing compared to what you’re doing. You’ll know when the reciprocity is lacking (and hopefully so will they). As long as you’re both willing to commit to that relationship above the individual(s), the relationship should endure beyond those mior annoyances.
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
11:13 am
I think love can cause you to be blind, dumb, and deaf! I look back at the last relationship and can DEFINITELY say I was all of those. It really does stink when you really love someone and they don’t love you back. I’m over those relationships!!!
disco
December 11th, 2012
11:15 am
boy, somebody gone get a playlist going in a minute. I swear I was just hearing “it feels good loving somebody when somebody loves you back”. lol. earlier I was hearing Vivian green’s what is love.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:16 am
“…that violent love is the same as that giddy love to some.” – I know. My brain doesn’t allow me to conceptualize how that works, but I do recognize many live and welcome that kind of love. I say welcome because they stay and even invite the pain.
BTW, Dan, you left off the “n” in known…
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:17 am
Add to that list Isley’s “Make me Say it Again.” That’s love and hot love making!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
11:21 am
@Leggs
Thanks, I’ve known that since Cel pointed it out to me, but some imperfections are necessary. It makes the strive for perfection that much more perceptible.
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
11:22 am
disco – I’m so glad you posted that lyric!!! I’ve been wondering who that song was by for many years. I used to get on stage with Mudcat and sing it and could never figure out who it was by or what it was called. This is about 12 years ago or so…
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
11:26 am
Thanks, I’ve known that since Cel pointed it out to me
Huh?? Me? Today?
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
11:28 am
Dan, to my recollection, I’ve never spoken to your moniker. Today is the first even noticing. I don’t “see” that kind of stuff. I’ve always said, as long as you can make out what the person is saying, doesn’t matter to me. I don’t point out that kind of stuff…lol
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
11:30 am
love isn’t blind (not at my age at least), but i do believe it can be forever hopeful.
my sister’s relationship of regular physical & verbal attacks is a love i do not understand.
my relationship where i am doted on almost incessantly is a love she does not understand.
who’s right? who’s wrong? the answer may not be as simple as it seems.
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
11:34 am
O/T – disco…I wanted to respond to your reply yesterday about my therapy session. I went home after the dentist and crashed for a couple of hours…the anxiety and the anti-anxiety meds I take just wore me out! Anyway…my therapist is not “dropping” me because of the insurance. We talked months ago about how my insurance would be running out at the end of the year. Without the insurance, I will pay him the full amount, so he wouldn’t release me based on the lack of my insurance for him. He would get more money from me. It was a mutual decision for me to call him when I need him. I assured him that I would not go to anyone else just to save the $20 extra it will cost me. I’ve gone to him for 2.5 years and he knows me. He has seen a huge improvement in me over the past 6 months especially. I’ll know if/when it’s time to go back…
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
11:34 am
Leggs…Let’s stick with the warm glow of love that is positive.
Nope..luv cuts across definition
What is love?
Somebody answered a long time ago and said,’love is what u make of it!”
Very apt!
Because luv means different things to different people. U may not like that particular brand, but it is luv…
Rachel Maddow is in luv..so are All lesbians and homs
Bill Clinton and Hilary wil tell you ahtey are and have been all along..so what of that blow job and blue dress
My dad and many other polygamists with more than one will tell you he(they) luvs them and so will the wives
Many Swingers and practictioners of Open marriage,whop routinely see their one and only being slammed in their presence will tell u they luv thir boos.
Many str8,monogamous folks will tell u they are in luv…
Lary King will tell u he is in luv….
and many, seemingly monogamous folks will tell u the same thing about their version of luv when they are physically together but proly a lil diffrently when they are apart(as in the other being at the mall etc)….but still claim they luv the other partner still.
the one whose hair was pulled or punched but remains with the abusive one is entitled to claim being ‘in luv’ and may actually mean that.
That is Luv, complicated,defies definition,has no boundaries, is different to each,elusive,fleeting and feels good when you are in its vicinity.
You cannot Pin it down nor can you Universalize it.
..have to go
Hey MIA
Its an individual thing!
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:36 am
“I’ve known that since Cel pointed it out to me, but some imperfections are necessary. It makes the strive for perfection that much more perceptible.” = things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMM, since you say you’re ….still….Superior! Alrighty then!
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:37 am
Celisea ~ saying his moniker is missing a letter.
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
11:40 am
Leggs – I caught it. I was saying though had you not posted it, I would have never noticed, point being I don’t think it was me that pointed out initially, the missing N cause I don’t watch that closely. I’ve just never paid it that much attention.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:40 am
Ex ~ I agree, love is what you make it. But my point was in not talking about the painful, brutal, physical beat downs that showcases one’s love. I was hoping we wouldn’t go into aspects of that type of love and hopefully stick to the positive, warm glow of love.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:41 am
Or whatever other encouraging words you care to use, Ex.
disco
December 11th, 2012
11:42 am
what? love got ex making sense? it must really and truly be a powerful thing. lol.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:43 am
Gotcha!
disco
December 11th, 2012
11:45 am
I’m still stuck on song lyrics. who sang “love is a house”?
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
11:46 am
Morning All!!
All I keep singing in my head is that New Edition song I love “If It Isn’t Love”
Cause if it isn’t love
Why do I feel this way?
Why does he stay on
My mind?
While the euphoric love of my youth, my first love, was wonderful, I was happy when I grew up some about love. Trying to chase that feeling down for the next person is exhausting and it’s not fair. You are spinning your wheels. When I realized that a real, more mature love felt differently, it was a comfort. I didn’t have that out-of-control, super vulnerable feeling I had that caused me to crash and burn, like I did that first time.
I’m glad I experienced it, but I am even more glad I found the love I have now.
Lee
December 11th, 2012
11:46 am
Tina Turner “Whats love got to do with it” says it all……. Find me someone to stand by myside and have my back when the world turns ugly …
DuShawn
December 11th, 2012
11:49 am
who sang “love is a house…..The Force MD’s.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
11:50 am
Love is a House, sung by Force M.D’s
disco
December 11th, 2012
11:52 am
thanks. I was thinking full force, force MDs, somebody force. lol. what’s love got to do with it makes me think love should have brought you home last night.
hey kimmie. what’s up D?
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
11:53 am
His moniker was Poppa Grande.
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
11:59 am
You cannot Pin it down nor can you Universalize it
I disagree with MMeello….for the most part. While we cannot truly define love, it DOES act universally and the end result is the same. Our journeys may seem different but, IMO, if love is the path we’re traveling, we’ll all end up in the same place.
IMO…..Sorry, but you ain’t on the path of love if you’re getting the taste slapped out of your mouth or is the cheating spouse or if you give out abuse…IJS Just cause the person deem it as such and says it feel good, don’t make it be love…lolololol
I don’t think love knows how to misbehave (k, that was a hint cheesy)
Of course and again, all in my opinion
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
12:02 pm
Hey Ms Disco!
disco
December 11th, 2012
12:05 pm
C – not to be contrary but that’s just us on the outside looking in on someone else’s love. a few folks mentioned the old couples sitting on porch rocking chairs holding hands in the golden years. how do we know they weren’t that buck wild couple that used to knock the taste out of each others’ mouths 40-50 years ago? I know my grandfather hit my grandmother once early on. I know she got him back and went to jail for it. that doesn’t mean they didn’t make amends, make it work and stay with one another until death did they part.
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
12:11 pm
Same place is Heaven-Christianity.
Or Gone to Allah-Islam
….driving lol
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
12:15 pm
HA! jermaine jax classic on-topic on majic right now. dunno the name tho. “do what you do”??
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
12:15 pm
how do we know they weren’t that buck wild couple that used to knock the taste out of each others’ mouths 40-50 years ago?
disco – If they live to tell about it and didn’t kill one another, maybe it was love….lol I just personally don’t think hurting another can be laid to “cause I loooove him/her”…IJS But, whatever gets you there in the end huh? I get the overall concept though that if folks love it then I like it (cause that’s my mantra), I just think REALLY loving (without being able to concretely define) does not or should not include abuse. Hey, maybe it’s the norm to them.
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
12:16 pm
Plus, I was making convo…sort of kind of….until my 1:00
I should be working. Shoot, I can’t afford to even be on here today.
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
12:17 pm
Disco/Exiled – I know that even though couples used to stay together and divorce was frowned upon, that doesn’t mean everything was a bed of roses. But I’m with Leggs on this, can we stick to the positive? Can’t we all strive for better, even if we don’t have it? I think we all understand that the ghetto exists. We don’t have to constantly be reminded of that fact. If you know better, then strive for better, do better, think better thoughts. If you’re not in the ghetto and/or managed to get out, let it stay where it is sometimes!!
disco
December 11th, 2012
12:20 pm
now leaving songs and going to movie quotes. Lackawanna blues – “sometimes a man and woman have an understanding that don’t nobody else understand”.
kimmie – even with sticking with the positive – who are we kidding? all those happy love stories weren’t all happy, all the time. lol.
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
12:25 pm
disco – I know, I just get sick of it sometimes. Things aren’t happy all the time, but they damn sure don’t have to be miserable all the time either. We work hard enough for better, at least I do. I want to enjoy it and feel uplifted. Life’s too damn short.
cba
December 11th, 2012
12:26 pm
I won’t even try to define “love” but I know what “it ain’t”. If you are constantly being belittled, disrespected, physically abused…..that could escalate to you being 6ft under, then what?
So on your tombstone, it’ll read he/she LOVED me to death. That’s a form of love???
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
12:29 pm
cba – ding ding ding ding….sho you’re right
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
12:37 pm
Good afternoon, bloggies!
I have been missing you guys so I am stopping in for just a minute.
What is love? Hmmm… I guess I look at it like the SCOTUS judge definied pornography; I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.
What’s good everyone?
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
12:38 pm
Kimmie..is it fair if I say U look at the concept of love in western terms?
Speaking of abuse,if your hubby said he ain’t cool with u ‘exposing skin to the outside’ so henceforth u only wear pants wld that be abuse in your understanding?
Now how about if he says ‘nope u gone have to cover ur face up’ so no jokkers can see u pretty so they don’t have to holla at u?
But says he lubz u!
See that’s a luving Islamic woman right there and they(men and woman) wl sear,apart, that they love each other. Right?
To each their own is very apt coz the moment u want to shove ur version down my throat or the offer….ummmmmmm
Most (maybe a lot)men in the west luv a Lil polygamy…I know this for a fact
But they won’t say that in the women’s faces or in public coz of women power and PCness!
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
12:40 pm
Now,when a woman tattoos the name of her luver on a Tata is that luv or stupidity?
I am not going to impose my thoughts on uall.
disco
December 11th, 2012
12:44 pm
cba – recently I was having a discussion with my mother where I was telling her how tickled I was with the drama going on in someone’s life. that person was just venting up a storm to me and meanwhile I was cracking up. my mother said I was a misery loves company type and I had to beg to differ. I tend to vent on an as needed basis and hold very little back. some others (this friend in particular) always hold things in until they practically explode. meanwhile, when I witness the explosion, i thing it’s hilarious. the more they fuss, the more I laugh. it’s not that I don’t understand or am not empathetic but for some, fussing is out of character and it tickles me.
ex – I already said I’m feeling your thoughts (today).
i'm swiss
December 11th, 2012
12:47 pm
Ah, the Force MD’s… I haven’t heard them in ages… What was that other kinda hit they had in the 80s… Tender Love or something…?
Oh, and howdy blogville!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
1:04 pm
@Swiss – forgive me, but I’m not up on the news; have you and Mrs. Swiss had the Mocha swirl yet?
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
1:17 pm
Uall know that Beyonce song that she be ‘popping popping my back,swirling my back at u baby’ is a tad beneath her.
That’s Trina like territory!
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
1:20 pm
aaaand speaking of lovey dovey movies. s/o surprised me with love jones on vacay. FINALLY got to see what all the fuss has been about.
the bad thing with that kind of anticipation is that it’s almost impossible to measure up. bottom line, i was less than impressed.
what should have been a story about two people trying to beat the odds to be with each other just came across to me as two jokers playing games and hoping all the lies would work in their favor.
*shrugs*
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 11th, 2012
1:24 pm
czBrat –
Yeah there was a lot of game playing but it’s no different than what happens in everyday dating.
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
1:29 pm
exactly, slim!
i thought the movie did more to support my cynical perspective that people are basically (and biologically) just full of sh!t. s/o thought it was crazy sweet.
cba
December 11th, 2012
1:31 pm
disco- if I have a choice between drama and drama-free, I’ll choose drama-free every time. I’m also a realist and drama will occur regardless but as I’ve gotten good and grown; I don’t make drama from a grain of sand but a boulder……we gotta talk
Even then, it doesn’t need to linger indefinitely.
Years ago, I had an issue with suppressing things and as you stated, sometimes that balloon will explode.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
1:41 pm
“Speaking of abuse,if your hubby said he ain’t cool with u ‘exposing skin to the outside’ so henceforth u only wear pants wld that be abuse in your understanding?” – DAMN, no, that’s not abuse. That’s understanding your husband doesn’t like something and you’re agreeing to change/submit/acquiesce/ (whatever word you want to use) to your husband.
Abuse = a corrupt practice or custom. To ask your wife to change something is just that, asking! To beat her over the head with a bat until she succumbs is abuse. Two different things, Ex. But since you like to push the envelope, keep on!!!
i'm swiss
December 11th, 2012
1:45 pm
Not yet, Dan. She’s due on the 24th. I’ve already put the bow on Mrs. Swiss’ hoo-ha.
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
1:48 pm
Since Iike to push envelope?
Hmmmm
I like to stick the knife in as much as u!
@Leggs
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
1:49 pm
i’ve been accused of holding things in. from where i stand, tho, if it’s something we’ve discussed a hundred times already, i’m not gonna make this 101. i will deal in my own way and on my own time.
i find it works better than blowing a fuse.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
1:50 pm
Aight den @Swiss,
But if in the days of “wedding presents” and “birth presents” you can get away with not buying the wife a gift for Christmas/birth of your child – I bow to your pimp game.
We’re praying for both of y’all this way bruh.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 11th, 2012
1:51 pm
czBrat – lol, Good point but I did enjoy the poetry it had in it.
O/T: Did any of you all watch Who’s Black in America on Sunday night?
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
1:51 pm
Another slow day on here, I see…I miss ITL!!! She’s been so busy with work these days and doesn’t have the time to chime in…
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
1:54 pm
True story:
We were getting my wife’s wedding ring sized before the wedding and the lady at Kay was like “what are you getting each other for wedding gifts?”
I responded (quickly) “a house.” My wife said “kids.” And as the lady looke at both of us, we responded “isht, that’s enough right there.”
Though later my wife’s friend tried to slyly ask if I got her anything as a gift – “Um, me. That’s gift enough.” She called me ‘cheap’ and tried to walk away, but not before I got in “oh, and the house you’re sleeping in versus a hotel.”
George Jefferson strutted that chick the whole rest of the weekend.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
1:55 pm
“I like to stick the knife in as much as u!
@Leggs” – Not even true! I play devil’s advocate at times, you, my friend, mow people down!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
December 11th, 2012
1:56 pm
*looked
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
2:00 pm
U do like to mow me!
@Leggs
Ur play to me ain’t devils advocate. It’s hard core
And u want go act innocent when I come after u
Quit that.
If u come after me I come after u
It’s that simple
If u didn’t know now u know!
Button
December 11th, 2012
2:03 pm
What is love?
KJV – Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
NIV – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
2:07 pm
I almost said earlier that God is love and true love, real love comes from God…and transend into relationships and marriages and thus the proof that no form of abuse is love. But, I agree with the KJV defintion.
Back to paying attention in my meeting….
I should have grabbed a bite to eat before the meeting. We have another hour to go.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
2:08 pm
Ex ~ never act innocent with you. When I say I don’t know what you’re saying, I actually mean that.
When I say I play devil’s advocate, wasn’t talking about playing with you. I was referring with posts where I flip the script.
And, I know more than you think I know….it’s really that simple!
cba
December 11th, 2012
2:11 pm
Celisea- borrow a couple of chips from your girl
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
2:14 pm
We had a truce way back,don’t respond to my posts if u don’t like me responding back to u.
My discussion was with Kimmie,not U.
and here u come and poison it.
Now she won’t respond to me coz there u are,grabbing the headlights!
U are not anybody’s mouthpiece! They may respect u but still
We All adults….(I mow people? So)
They can mow me back!
Please…I respectfully ask u to know better
Coz I won’t take u lying down
If u wanna play let’s get it on
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
2:15 pm
cba – I can’t, we’re on differen teams. We’re in the conference room right now. She sits next to me but she’s on the federal government team so she’s not in here. She had chips today though….
i'm swiss
December 11th, 2012
2:19 pm
Dan — Thanks, bro. Actually, Mrs. Swiss’ Christmas gift & birth gift are coming a little later. She’s getting her ride up-sized to an SUV.
cba
December 11th, 2012
2:19 pm
tryin to help a sista out
wow!! she’s consistent
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
2:20 pm
cba – ‘Preciate that…lol Unless she’s not here or there’s a floor function, she’s gonna have chips. IT’S EVERYDAY!!! LOL
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
2:21 pm
Not sure if the chips are accompanied by a sandwich but I know for certain chips and a diet coke….lol
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
2:22 pm
Exiled – I really don’t give a flying flip about what other folks in other countries or religions consider love or abuse. I just get tired of having to be reminded of the ghetto, bad side of everything, all the damn time. I get sick of that ghetto/slave mentality and approach to life. Yeah it is possible for a man to love a woman without going upside her head or barking out orders to her. Yeah it’s possible for a woman to not nag and beyotch with her man about everything and yall just live a pleasant existance.
And Leggs comments are always welcome to me.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
2:25 pm
Ex ~ I don’t know what you’re talking about re: kimmie. I really don’t. I went to lunch and came back on and responded to a post you put out. I thought that’s what we do here. I’m not trying to get into an arguing match with you or anyone else. Just responding to things you’re saying to me. I have that right.
I have no problem with you responding to anything I put out here. Figure I have the same right to do the same.
So what I say you mow folk down. That’s my stance, wasn’t giving you feedback on anything anyone else has said. They can do what they like when they like. Just like most here know I speak my mind. Some like it, some don’t. Such is life…
Coz I won’t take u lying down – Most definitely!
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
2:26 pm
Thanks Kimmie!
Lol
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
2:26 pm
I’m sitting next to Derek…one of the guys that flew in today for the meeting and dinner. It’s weird that he’s bald, and sports no facial hair. He ain’t a bad looking brother but I was just looking at him. No beard, no mustache, sporting a bald. He’s got eyebrows and eyelashes though.
Just my observation…while sitting here looking around the room.
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
2:27 pm
@Leggs
Cool
Game on then!
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
2:31 pm
Ex ~ I feel you got your knickers in a knot for no reason.
disco
December 11th, 2012
2:32 pm
cba – believe it or not I have a relatively drama free life. my life is so simple, smooth, easy going that some day’s I’d pay a dollar for some drama. thing is I’m often the soundboard for other folks’ problems and drama. thing is, most of it doesn’t have to be a problem. case in point, friend called me last week re her situation at home. in short, she’s got two adult children at home and the stress is getting to her to the point she doesn’t even look forward to going to her own home after work. my solution – put their grown azzes out. problem solved. of course, she doesn’t see it that way and so her saga will continue.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
2:37 pm
I learnt long time ago…Love don’t love nobody. Nuff said
disco
December 11th, 2012
2:41 pm
delvon – song says it takes a fool to learn. naw… I’m not going there. lol.
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
2:41 pm
Ur entitled to ur granny opinion
@Leggs
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
2:47 pm
disco~ You’re only if a fool if you keep going back and doing the same isht over and over… LOL!
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
2:47 pm
Oh so now we’re getting catty and I’m a granny…real smooth, Ex.
I tell you this, I’m one sexy ass, GROWN granny. And yes sir, this is my own opinion. But, if you need anyone to back me up, please believe I will have no problem rounding up supporters!!!!!
disco
December 11th, 2012
2:50 pm
hey CC!!!! who sings that song anyway? y’all see I can remember snippets of lyrics but don’t call me out on who the artist is. lol.
what? we bout to have another mini-blog fight?
ex – i’ve been supporting your statements today but if i’m forced to choose sides…..
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
2:50 pm
Disco…so true. Them words in them songs keep me grounded. i was raised Ole School listening to Ole School music.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
2:54 pm
Folk run into in problems with love when they looking for “TV/Movie” love…that hsit aint real. Just my thoughts
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
2:58 pm
Supporters?
U can have them.
I always ‘fight’ alone on the blog most times what’s new?
@Disco… Thnx for the support but u know when a man gets violated a man gotta stand for their self(lol)
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
2:59 pm
With love songs, don’t forget…I’ts a Thin Line Between Love and Hate.
disco ~ no mini blog fight taking off. This granny needs to hobble back to her chair. Wait, my song just came home. Let me drop it like it’s hot, break dance, and kick the podium off the stage.
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
3:01 pm
Delvon -Depends on what “movie” love you’re talking about. Are you talking “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” or “Love Jones”?LOL!!
Just kidding. To be honest, I’ve never heard anyone say they wanted love like they saw in a movie or a tv show. Not saying there are not some that have, it’s just never been said around me.
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
3:03 pm
Hey Somebdyl..say something intelligent so we break this monotony
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:03 pm
kimmie ~ do you remember the scene in 9 1/2 weeks where they’re going at it in the alley (I think it’s an alley) and it’s raining outside. Man, I wouldn’t mind having it like that (lol).
disco
December 11th, 2012
3:06 pm
okay. here’s my afternoon silly kicking in. it’s song lyrics and maybe just intelligent enough to get ex’s approval. I just randomly thought “adding is putting together, adding is easy to do, if I had one cookie, and you had one cookie, together they add up to two. one cookie and one cookie makes two cookies” LOL. okay. I know that was totally stupid but y’all gotta know some sesame street songs.
oh and back to love songs. did anyone mention that love is a battlefield?
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
3:07 pm
Leggs – Yeah, that was pretty hot! And that can easily be had, no fairytale!LOL!!!
But I guess some might call that lust, not love. Nothing wrong with that either tho!
i'm swiss
December 11th, 2012
3:07 pm
The love stories that get me are the ones about the old couples who’ve been together pretty much their whole lives and then when one dies, the other dies shortly thereafter. Like they were each other’s reason for living. Sad and sweet, all at the same time…
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
3:10 pm
Disco – Here’s a “love” song I have not heard in awhile:
Computer Love!!
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:11 pm
kimmie ~ that was definitely LUST.
That gets me too, swiss. They were holding on for each other. It’s like you hang up, no you hang up, no you hang up. Someone has to go to let the other know you can no go and we’ll meet on the other side.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:12 pm
you can now go….
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 11th, 2012
3:12 pm
swiss – I have a co-worker that has a mother who has been sick since July. She discovered she has bladder cancer. But anyway, her parents have been married for YEARS and now her dad doesn’t know what to do with himself now that his wife has been in the hospital all this time. My co-worker said she’s never seen her dad cry up until now and he’s crying almost daily. I feel said for her and her father because it seems like he would be one that would ‘die of a broken heart’ if her mother were to die.
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
3:14 pm
Swiss – Those are sweet. I had an aunt and uncle to die within 2 weeks of each other. Granted both were sick, but it seemed like uncle was trying to hang for her. She went first.
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
3:15 pm
disco~ The Spinners sand that song. Sorry, I’m all late.
Popping in and out randomly.
Ex~ I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew in this particular dog fight… IJS
i'm swiss
December 11th, 2012
3:16 pm
Slim — Yeah, my dad was that way when my mom died. I think I may have told their whole story on here a long time ago.. But, yeah, if it wasn’t for my sister (who’s disabled and lives with my dad), I don’t think my dad would still be here. Now he’s got the little grand daughter to look forward to, also.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:18 pm
Kimmie
Talking bout folk looking for fairy tale type of love. Love basically is finding someone whom you can mesh with and them with you. And from there building something positive.
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
3:19 pm
Uh oh… Leggs and kimmie trying to get there freak on on a Tuesday afternoon?!? WTF?!?
Y’all gon make me have to go home and watch 9 1/2 weeks again. However, having seen Mickey Rourke recently night just kill that for me…
disco
December 11th, 2012
3:19 pm
leggs – it’s been a long, long, long time since I’ve had one of those “no you hang up” phone calls. here lately I’m just holding the phone occasionally interjecting an “uh huh” or an “mm hmm”. there’s some boring jokers in my life right now. lol.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:21 pm
Kimmie
I am talking bout fairy tale type of love. To me love is about finding someone who can mesh with you, accept all yo hsit and you accept theirs, no pretense, just doing the thang. And building from there.
czBrat ♀
December 11th, 2012
3:21 pm
um, all this “if you go, i go” talk is over my head.
i’m not even sure i luv my own kids quite that much.
brat’s having some mysterious swelling in the knee. gotta get someone to do a looksee.
ciao!
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
3:22 pm
Delvon – I agree. But I also think everyone can have their own version of a fairytale. What I wanted in a mate I had folks telling me I was looking for a fairytale. But what I wanted was, to me, very basic. And I got it.
i'm swiss
December 11th, 2012
3:22 pm
Comon — Man, back in the day ol’ Micky got all the good sex scenes. He was one lucky SOB. That one w/ Denise from the Cosby Show was prime spanking material for me in my pubescent years..
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:23 pm
Comon ~ wasn’t Richard Gere in 9 1/2 weeks???
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
3:23 pm
Finally out of the meeting.
It seems my mom and dad did really well off one another. Once my dad passed, my mom’s health has severly declined. IMO, I think the ying to the yang keeps things going
His dying words were….”take care of your mama”
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:24 pm
disco ~ although I wasn’t saying “uh huh” or an “mm hmm, I simply held the phone away from my ear = same thing (lol).
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
3:24 pm
swiss~ You’re talking about Angel Heart (and I agree that was hella hot!)
disco~ Nope. Mickey Rourke and Kim Bassinger in 9 1/2 Weeks.
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
3:25 pm
swiss – That gets me too. After my grandfather passed, my grandmother developed Alzheimer’s within 6-8 months. I think her braid couldn’t take losing him. She did live another 10 years, but she was pretty out of it.
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
3:25 pm
sorry, Leggs not disco…
Celisea
December 11th, 2012
3:26 pm
My pops passed in 2009 but my mom’s Alzheimer has really kicked in.
disco
December 11th, 2012
3:27 pm
CC – I was going to let it ride. I’ve never seen the movie so I have no idea who is in it.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:27 pm
Kimme
Alright Lil Mama, that’s what’s up.
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
3:28 pm
I mean, really?
http://imageocd.com/celebs/mickey-rourke-before-and-after-plastic-surgery-5
Why would one do that to themselves?!? And he was soooo yummy back in the day.
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
3:29 pm
When my mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer last year and had to go through surgery, my dad would call me crying and talking about he doesn’t know what he would do without her. My dad is tough and rarely cries. It really showed me how much he loves her. Luckily, she made it out fine!!!
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:29 pm
Speaking of movies, what is with chicks and that Notebook movie?
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:31 pm
You’re right, Comon. I’ve always pictured Richard Gere when I remember that intense, libido pulsating scene (lol).
But, you’re right, seeing how he looks now has blurred what he used to look like (lol). Much like Nick Nolte. Thought he was hot in Rich Man, Poor Man. Now he looks like Rorke’s twin.
disco
December 11th, 2012
3:31 pm
delvon – I’m one chick who has never seen it so I can’t comment.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:34 pm
Disco. that;s unusual.
Exiled!
December 11th, 2012
3:34 pm
Swiss..wldnt that be depression accelerating the death of the other
Sweet,yeah..seemingly
Bluzgirl
December 11th, 2012
3:35 pm
Delvon – The Notebook makes me cry every time!!! It’s a great love story
kimmie
December 11th, 2012
3:37 pm
Delvon – I have not seen the Notebook either. I don’t go for stuff that might seem TOO mushy.
disco
December 11th, 2012
3:37 pm
delvon – I think that’s Nicholas sparks. I haven’t read Nicholas sparks but I live near a barnes and noble and when he makes appearances there the entire shopping center parking lot is on lock.
Comon Cents
December 11th, 2012
3:37 pm
Agreed on NIck Nolte, Leggs. He is turned nasty! Blech!
Now, Sean Connery? Robert Redford? Definitley hotter as they get older. I swear I would listen to Sean Connery read the phone book… And Jeremy Irons could switch out on the reading to give him a break every once in awhile…
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:40 pm
Tried to watch it with a few females puts me to sleep. You want Delvon to get a good nap in, put that movie on.
disco
December 11th, 2012
3:41 pm
CC – ever since finding forrester (connery) I use the phrase “soup question”.
Leggs
December 11th, 2012
3:44 pm
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:47 pm
Notebook = Ambient…for Delvon.
Delvon
December 11th, 2012
3:49 pm
Now Love Jones is more tolerable. Watching Nia Long holds my attention in any movie.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 11th, 2012
4:01 pm
swiss – Yes, that’s definitely giving Pops a reason to stick around a little longer and not to give up. I know my little niece is a fire ball of energy so i’m sure lil mocha will be the same freshness of life.
Single and Happy Terrific Tuesday!
December 11th, 2012
4:14 pm
Hey all
Disco, about your ticket to Sau Paulo, where you getting these cheap cruises??
disco
December 11th, 2012
4:41 pm
S/H – I typically cruise royal Caribbean and book through my travel agent. RC is pretty good about coming down on the single supplement.
Lauren Lo
December 12th, 2012
4:38 pm
I dont Believe that butterflies are a sign of love. I feel as if it just means that you are in deep like for the person. If the person is able to keep giving you those feelings over and over again then sooner or later is can be looked at as falling in love with a person or being in love .