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Are you dating a shape shifter?

Why yes, you read the title right: Shape Shifters! I know, I have been watching way too many vampire, walking dead, sci-fi sorts of things but bare with me here: Have you ever met someone who seemed to “me too” you too many times? You know, the people who want so badly to find common ground with you. They start to make it seem as if you were practically switched at birth or something! It can be quite odd and a little creepy, to be honest.

Imagine how it feels to find out the person you are dating is a lot like that. I call them shape shifters. They bend, contort, and distort their actual lives, personality, and behavior so that the person they are dating thinks they are soul mates. Listen to this PSA people: Never, ever, ever stay in a relationship with a shape shifter.

The minute their actual personality starts to seep through, will freak you out. You start to recall blatant lies they told you. You find out they are the polar opposite of what they represented. Even if their “actual” self may not be all that bad, you don’t know if it is worth the risk to find out!

So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you? Do you do a little background check? Get character references? How do you spot a shape shifter and what do you do when you encounter one?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

139 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!

December 10th, 2012
7:01 am

Morning all

So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you?
Now that’s a easy one, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. The true person usually shows up 6 to 8 months into the relationships.

Do you do a little background check? Get character references?
This isn’t a job interview. If people would stop going out looking for relationships, and look for friendships and go from there. Others wouldn’t try to hide their true identity unless they really are trying to get over on you.

How do you spot a shape shifter and what do you do when you encounter one?
Never spotted one, because I’m not telling anyone what I’m looking for in a woman, I take time to get to know the person and decide from there.

my2cents

December 10th, 2012
8:10 am

This is slippery slope. We are all somewhat of shape shifters when we begin dating someone. We all have some personal opinions that we do want to haul out on the first few dates. or lay down any deal breakers. Just because we do not know if it is even worth the hassle till there is some common ground. Is omitting a dislike the same as shape shifting? But if all your opinions expressed are met with “I feel exactly the same way” by the person you are dating – I agree RUN the other way.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
8:42 am

Good morning all and a special

HAPPY BELATED BIRTTTTTHDAY TO LEGGS, WHOOO HOOOO HOOOOO!!!

disco

December 10th, 2012
9:06 am

good morning peeps. shape shifters? lol. funny. not my thing but it does take all kinds. I’ve seen shape shifters and the one-uppers (no matter what you say they’ve seen it, done it, been there). personally my way to avoid the shape shifters is to play my cards close anyway. you can’t agree with my opinion when you don’t know what my opinion is. you can’t pretend to like what I like if I don’t tell you or show you what I like.

Bluzgirl

December 10th, 2012
9:16 am

Good morning!!!

I’ve been with a shape shifter…my first serious relationship and eventually, my fiance. It was cute at first, but then I realized that he didn’t seem to have too many of his own ideas. He just agreed with me on almost everything.

I have a feeling that the Young One could be a shape shifter. I don’t know for sure, but he sure is clingy…

disco

December 10th, 2012
9:38 am

oh boy. I see it’s about to be one of “those” days on the blog today.

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
9:39 am

Morning All!

This whole topic creeps me out. And sorry to say this, but I see it being more a thing a thirsty woman would do to try and catch a man. Agree with everything he says and laugh at all his lame jokes. A dude being a shape shifter just sounds moist. A grown man “me too” like a eager puppy wagging his tail? Are you kidding me??

I’ve never gotten into the “so what are you looking for in a man” discussion with a date and I’ve never asked a guy what he was looking for. That whole convo just sounds stupid to me! I don’t sit and list all my hobbies or ask for his list. Our interests just have always flowed naturallly. I guess I don’t have much to offer this topic, because I just can’t relate. Maybe the men I’ve dated usually run in somewhat the same type of circles I run in, so we are bound to have some similiar interests.

All this “dating the representative” stuff people talk about I guess I can’t relate to either. I mean, other than some guys not really being upfront about their dating status or their desire to be in a serious relationship or not, most I can say seem to have pretty much been themselves. They had a “hey this is me, take it or leave it” type of attitude.

Hey Disco!! I can’t stand the “one uppers” either!!

MsAtl

December 10th, 2012
9:42 am

Morning All!
I haven’t dated a shape-shifter. I think it would annoy me.
Leggs- Belated Happy Birthday.

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
9:44 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEGGS!!!

I won’t say belated, cause I go by “every day is your birthday” in your birthday month!!! :lol:

disco

December 10th, 2012
9:45 am

hey kimmie. thanks for popping in. I’ve been thinking about the one uppers a bit lately since I recently discovered that my 10 year old niece is a one-upper. 10 years old!!! when she came to visit I picked up the child of a friend to hang out with us (sometimes 2 kids are easier to manage than 1). anyway, everything this other kid said she had to do him one better. I was thinking to myself “uggh. she’s one of them”.

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
9:50 am

Never dated a “shape shifter.” know people like this, but didn’t realize there was a term out there for them.

Thank you much, SlimNu!

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
9:52 am

Thank you, MsAtl/kimmie. Went to see Flight yesterday. I liked it, just didn’t like the far fatched scene where he went berserk (not to give anything away). However, glad to know he did have morals.

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
9:53 am

The one uppers wouldn’t last long with me.

disco

December 10th, 2012
9:58 am

leggs – I saw flight last week and while I thought it was alright I didn’t really care for it. after the plane crash it wasn’t hitting on much. I don’t think I’ll need to have it on dvd. to me, it’s one of those watch once movies.

Bluzgirl

December 10th, 2012
10:18 am

Happy belated birthday Leggs!!!! Hope you had a wonderful weekend.

I’ve had some friends in the past who were “one uppers.” So annoying!!!

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
10:19 am

I saw Skyfall yesterday, the new Bond. Loved it. I didn’t think I would like Daniel Craig at first when he took over as Bond, but he’s proven himself with me. So hot and rugged!!

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
10:25 am

O/T: The beau and I are in the mall Saturday and this crazy looking old, balding white lady comes up to me. She waves her hand up and down my person and whispers some jibberish to me then walks off. It was almost like she was intending to put some sort of hex on me. So of course that left me a little perturbed. Yesterday we’re at Joe’s Crab Shack and my drink mysteriously falls off the table. On the way out, I almost fall since I didn’t notice the shift in the depth of the sidewalk. Then on the way back to the house, a cat hurriedly tries to cross the street and we both see it get hit by the car in front of us. Later on that night, i’m fixing a bowl of fruit for us to snack on and as I put the container back in the fridge it slips and spills all over the floor. :???:

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
10:31 am

Disco – Speaking of your 10 year old neice one-upper, I am trying to stop my 10-year old daughter from being one! I slam her every time she pulls that mess! For example, she’s an excellent student, but we have to stay on her brother a little more even though he’s very capable. He brought in a good report from the assistant principal for a good deed he did. Miss Thang tried to cut in when their dad & I were praising her brother. Going on about how she got a similiar letter back 2 years ago. We told her that was not cool and let her brother have his moment. She still kept on and I shut her down.

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
10:31 am

I agree, disco. Not a movie you need to see twice!

:lol: :lol: :lol: SlimNu. I think if that lady hadn’t approached you, you may have chalked up those events as just mishaps throughout a day without out too much thought (although it was many). The fact that a strange woman came up to, you now attribute all those mishaps as being attached to her gibberish and hand waving.over your person. Since you woke up the next morning w/o any warts on your face or body, dismiss it. No voodoo is effective unless warts appear someone. I’m cracking up…sorry!

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
10:37 am

Leggs – I just kept thinking about that movie, “Drag Me To Hell” where the loan officer denied the old lady’s reguest for a loan so she cursed her. :lol:

disco

December 10th, 2012
10:41 am

dag. my comment got jacked. then they told me it was a duplicate. oh well.

slim – hope the curse has been lifted.

kimmie – my niece was quite annoying. had me looking at her in a whole new light. told my brother if we lived in the same city I’d break her of that but it’s not for me to fix.

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
10:41 am

Slim – That’s funny, cause as I read your post, I was thinking of that women in Drag Me!!!

I really enjoyed Flight, but to be honest, I can’t think of many movies I’ve seen more than once. They really have to make an impression on me. Usually they are comedies that we might show when friends come over and we’re all tipsy!

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
10:41 am

Leggs – Did you do anything for the annual born day?

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
10:45 am

Leggs/disco/kimmie – I had to pray extra hard last night :lol: But seeing that cat get hit by the truck in front of us almost had me crying. He was still moving :cry:

disco

December 10th, 2012
10:51 am

kimmie – that’s how I determine if a movie is really good. the really good ones you will watch over and over again. you will memorize the lines and still keep watching the same daggone movie.

slim – no offense to the animal lovers but I’ve said time and again I might slow down or swerve to avoid hitting a dog but a cat is fair freaking game. as far as I’m concerned, unless you are in the country, all cats should be indoor cats. I wouldn’t have felt bad at all about that cat. now once driving home I witnessed a car hit a deer and I must say it was a bit disturbing watching the deer jerk around in the street.

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
10:54 am

Disco – You really have to be on top of stuff like that with kids. And to be fair, alot of my girl’s attitude is really excitement and enthusiasm. She’s so proud of all of her accomplishments. But I don’t want her to get the big head. And while her dad can be a little oblivious to some of it, I told him and her we are not raising a little diva. She can grow up to be an accomplished young lady, but be humble. I told him I am NOT dealing with a teenager with a stank attitude.

This morning I have on an olive-green sweater with two thin red stripes and a thin orange stripe on it. Professional attire for work. When I got in the car to take them to school, miss makes a comment “That sweater sure is dull”. I looked at her and told her that was not cool and I didn’t ask for her comments on my clothes. She quickly came out with “Oh I was just playing” and chuckled. I told her I knew she was not playing but was not expecting my reaction. I also told her I know she likes sparkly things, but that was not appropriate attire for an adult at work, just like her school uniform isn’t bright and shiny. She backed down real quick.

Bluzgirl

December 10th, 2012
10:54 am

disco…that’s just mean! LOL! The other day, there was a cat on my road that would not get out of the way…I just honked until it finally got to the side of the road. It would kill me to accidentally hit any animal and kill it!!!

Slim – I don’t blame you for having the heeby jeebies after that! Just a weird coincidence!

Ya’ll are talking about this movie with a loan officer getting cursed. I’m a loan officer and I’m a little afraid of people going berserck on me when I deny them!

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
10:59 am

disco – DANG, why the bad taste for cats? (forgive me if you’ve already explained this on past blogs)

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
11:01 am

kimmie ~ you did good. Had to laugh at her saying she had something similar TWO years ago. Yeah, when a child tries to take the shine off their siblings, that needs to be nipped with the quickness.

SlimNu ~ since my day fell on a Sunday, I went to the movies, had Mimosas, cooked myself some dinner and enjoyed my Sunday viewing pleasure of Amazing Race finale and RHOA. Got a surprising bouquet of roses from lil leggs. That made my day!

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
11:04 am

I was driving to a friend’s place and hit a bird. It flew right to the windshield. I cried.

disco

December 10th, 2012
11:07 am

kimmie – lol. with my niece I didn’t peep anything out of the ordinary when it was just me and her but put her around other kids and it shows. re your daughter, I won’t front. I laughed a bit. she knew she was busted. sounds like you’ve got one of them on your hands too. good luck with breaking the habit.

slim – nothing particular against cats. just don’t like them. never have. doubt that I ever will. cats give me the creeps like most folks are creeped out by spiders, bugs or snakes. I just can’t stand cats.

disco

December 10th, 2012
11:16 am

leggs – you cried because you had to stop what you were doing and find a car wash, right?

kimmie

December 10th, 2012
11:19 am

Disco – I don’t let anything pass with her. She’s a sweet child, but if I allow that attitude to fester, she will be ruined. I told her attitude goes a long way in life. No matter how great you think you are, there is always someone out there better. My mom used to tell us that. I told her too, even though she is popular now, other people won’t like her if she becomes a diva. That mess is not cute. I told her our time together before she grows up and moves out will be a lot more pleasant if she bends to my will, especially her upcoming teenage years. Otherwise, we will constantly be at battle, because I told her I will never let up until I see progress! She’s met her match with me!LOL!!

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
11:26 am

:lol: :lol: I cried because lil leggs cried (lolol).

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
11:32 am

kimmie ~ I too told lil leggs that. Told her no one likes a conceited person. Sure she’s a pretty girl, but don’t walk around smelling yourself. Be humble and be appreciative of the compliments that will come your way. Also taught her to never, ever join in laughing at another person she sees her peers laughing at! Children can be cruel, and I do not expect that type of behavior from her. So far, so good.

i'm swiss

December 10th, 2012
11:33 am

Happy belated birthday, Leggs. Now come lay over my knee, it’s past time for your spanking… :lol:

disco

December 10th, 2012
11:35 am

leggs – since we are on child rearing and those days are behind me. are parents still checking to break their kids from pointing. that was something else I was on my niece about. “stop pointing. use your words to make me see what you want me to see”. I can’t stand pointing.

Robert

December 10th, 2012
11:41 am

“So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you?”

Wise Diva how old are you? We all know the “dating game” is a game adults play. Men will always try to bend in whatever direction the woman wants them in order to reach their goal (sex, lust and love). What is compatible? We like the same things, we go to the same Chruch, we like the same movies….please….Men will be Men.

Ladies, I hope you know “game” when you see, hear and feel it. Women are more “shape shifters” than men. Women know what they want and know how to get it. Men are gullible and fall into traps women set for them all the time. That is a fact.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
11:42 am

Leggs – What did you think about RHOA?

My purse smells like Long Island ice tea where I spilled my entire drink the other day. Hmmm, hope I don’t get pulled over any time soon

disco

December 10th, 2012
11:46 am

slim – I had a long island iced tea the other night. was about to order something that sounded good off the drink menu until the server said it tasted like grape koolaid. I was like never mind. at that point it was a toss up between the long island and a margarita.

robert – there is all kinds of compatible. certain men like to beat women. certain women don’t mind being beat. certain men like to sleep around. certain women don’t mind a man that sleeps around as long as she’s the main one. what? there’s all kinds of compatible out there.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 10th, 2012
11:48 am

disco – I had been craving a long island for a while but many places aren’t all that great at making them, except Spondivits. But at least the waitress was kind enough to give me a replacement with no additional charge. :-)

For Real

December 10th, 2012
11:57 am

Shape Shifter or Putting on Your Best Behavior = SAMETHANG!!!!!!

Chick: So what do you do you do for a living?

Dude: I’m an astronaut and I play quarterback in the NFL.

Chick: Oh that’s interesting. Do you have any kids.

Dude: No kids and I have never been married but I don’t want to get married due to my professions.

Chick: You too!

Dude: So you don’t have kids and you don’t want to get married too?

Chick: That’s right… (phone rings) Hold a minute is my kids calling.

Bluzgirl

December 10th, 2012
12:00 pm

O/T – I get to leave at 12:30 today! Only bad thing is that I get to go to my therapist and then to the dentist to get my tooth ground down for a crown! I’m so nervous cause I’ve never had a crown before. I had to laugh though that I’m getting my head shrunk and my tooth shrunk in the same day!

disco

December 10th, 2012
12:03 pm

for real – I don’t think they are the same thing. a person can be on good behavior (not even their best behavior, just good behavior) without jumping on someone else’s bandwagon about everything and recycling other people’s opinions. I remember when my son was younger and I’d take him to the barbershop. we’d sit through the shop talk and I’d notice later in the week my son would be recycling barbershop opinions. granted it was usually just sports but I had to tell him right then that he needed his own opinions. he could use someone else’s opinion to help with his point but he couldn’t just be jacking other folks’ opinions.

bluz – you crazy.

For Real

December 10th, 2012
12:04 pm

Happly Belated Birthday Leggs!!!

For Real now hunching out birthday licks.

one, two, three, fourrrrrrrrrrrrrr…….

Leggs

December 10th, 2012
12:05 pm

swiss ~ if only someone else was saying that, I would gladly take them up on their offer Thanks, sir, for the bday wish, not the treat after the wish (lmao).

SlimNu ~ I’m going to email you my thoughts on RHOA. I will say this, I’ve never seen a more desperate, pathetic woman as Kenya

For Real

December 10th, 2012
12:09 pm

Disco: Wise doesn’t know what a shape shifter is. A shape shifter is a person pretending to be something they are not i.e. putting your best foot forward when you don’t have one.

Again, it’s the samethang.

Bluzgirl

December 10th, 2012
12:09 pm

disco – I had 3 long island ice teas on Friday, when my friends took me out for a belated birthday dinner and to a bar after. Each one was stronger and stronger. I swear the third one was the strength of three of them. Let’s just say that the food was wonderful going down…not so good coming up. Ugh! I decided to be the DD for my friends Saturday night when we went out…

Celisea

December 10th, 2012
12:11 pm

The reason folks morph into what you are cause they ain’t got no backbone or mind of their own. I have seen it all too often, but not just with dating. I don’t think so much for just getting the drawers. I just think folks that does that are doing whatever it takes to be agreeable or get along or make an impression. Well, now that I’ve said that, maybe it is sometimes for the drawers…lol I call morphing into your SO or potential SO’s persona about as weak as water. HAVE YOUR OWN DANG MIND!! lololol

WOW….still on page one after 12:00??

disco

December 10th, 2012
12:14 pm

bluz – I can only shake my head. you know you tend to overindulge but I’ve never been on the you need to stop drinking bandwagon. still, as an adult you should know your own limitations. there was a bartender at a club in san Antonio that made the strongest long islands I ever encountered and I consider myself to be a pretty decent drinker. I was sipping on one of those bad boys in the club and realized that I had to pay attention to my steps. I literally sat my drink on an empty table and left it there. had I finished that drink I would have been laid in a corner of the club somewhere.