Are you dating a shape shifter?
Why yes, you read the title right: Shape Shifters! I know, I have been watching way too many vampire, walking dead, sci-fi sorts of things but bare with me here: Have you ever met someone who seemed to “me too” you too many times? You know, the people who want so badly to find common ground with you. They start to make it seem as if you were practically switched at birth or something! It can be quite odd and a little creepy, to be honest.
Imagine how it feels to find out the person you are dating is a lot like that. I call them shape shifters. They bend, contort, and distort their actual lives, personality, and behavior so that the person they are dating thinks they are soul mates. Listen to this PSA people: Never, ever, ever stay in a relationship with a shape shifter.
The minute their actual personality starts to seep through, will freak you out. You start to recall blatant lies they told you. You find out they are the polar opposite of what they represented. Even if their “actual” self may not be all that bad, you don’t know if it is worth the risk to find out!
So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you? Do you do a little background check? Get character references? How do you spot a shape shifter and what do you do when you encounter one?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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139 comments Add your comment
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
7:01 am
Morning all
So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you?
Now that’s a easy one, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. The true person usually shows up 6 to 8 months into the relationships.
Do you do a little background check? Get character references?
This isn’t a job interview. If people would stop going out looking for relationships, and look for friendships and go from there. Others wouldn’t try to hide their true identity unless they really are trying to get over on you.
How do you spot a shape shifter and what do you do when you encounter one?
Never spotted one, because I’m not telling anyone what I’m looking for in a woman, I take time to get to know the person and decide from there.
my2cents
December 10th, 2012
8:10 am
This is slippery slope. We are all somewhat of shape shifters when we begin dating someone. We all have some personal opinions that we do want to haul out on the first few dates. or lay down any deal breakers. Just because we do not know if it is even worth the hassle till there is some common ground. Is omitting a dislike the same as shape shifting? But if all your opinions expressed are met with “I feel exactly the same way” by the person you are dating – I agree RUN the other way.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
8:42 am
Good morning all and a special
HAPPY BELATED BIRTTTTTHDAY TO LEGGS, WHOOO HOOOO HOOOOO!!!
disco
December 10th, 2012
9:06 am
good morning peeps. shape shifters? lol. funny. not my thing but it does take all kinds. I’ve seen shape shifters and the one-uppers (no matter what you say they’ve seen it, done it, been there). personally my way to avoid the shape shifters is to play my cards close anyway. you can’t agree with my opinion when you don’t know what my opinion is. you can’t pretend to like what I like if I don’t tell you or show you what I like.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
9:16 am
Good morning!!!
I’ve been with a shape shifter…my first serious relationship and eventually, my fiance. It was cute at first, but then I realized that he didn’t seem to have too many of his own ideas. He just agreed with me on almost everything.
I have a feeling that the Young One could be a shape shifter. I don’t know for sure, but he sure is clingy…
disco
December 10th, 2012
9:38 am
oh boy. I see it’s about to be one of “those” days on the blog today.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
9:39 am
Morning All!
This whole topic creeps me out. And sorry to say this, but I see it being more a thing a thirsty woman would do to try and catch a man. Agree with everything he says and laugh at all his lame jokes. A dude being a shape shifter just sounds moist. A grown man “me too” like a eager puppy wagging his tail? Are you kidding me??
I’ve never gotten into the “so what are you looking for in a man” discussion with a date and I’ve never asked a guy what he was looking for. That whole convo just sounds stupid to me! I don’t sit and list all my hobbies or ask for his list. Our interests just have always flowed naturallly. I guess I don’t have much to offer this topic, because I just can’t relate. Maybe the men I’ve dated usually run in somewhat the same type of circles I run in, so we are bound to have some similiar interests.
All this “dating the representative” stuff people talk about I guess I can’t relate to either. I mean, other than some guys not really being upfront about their dating status or their desire to be in a serious relationship or not, most I can say seem to have pretty much been themselves. They had a “hey this is me, take it or leave it” type of attitude.
Hey Disco!! I can’t stand the “one uppers” either!!
MsAtl
December 10th, 2012
9:42 am
Morning All!
I haven’t dated a shape-shifter. I think it would annoy me.
Leggs- Belated Happy Birthday.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
9:44 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEGGS!!!
I won’t say belated, cause I go by “every day is your birthday” in your birthday month!!!
disco
December 10th, 2012
9:45 am
hey kimmie. thanks for popping in. I’ve been thinking about the one uppers a bit lately since I recently discovered that my 10 year old niece is a one-upper. 10 years old!!! when she came to visit I picked up the child of a friend to hang out with us (sometimes 2 kids are easier to manage than 1). anyway, everything this other kid said she had to do him one better. I was thinking to myself “uggh. she’s one of them”.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
9:50 am
Never dated a “shape shifter.” know people like this, but didn’t realize there was a term out there for them.
Thank you much, SlimNu!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
9:52 am
Thank you, MsAtl/kimmie. Went to see Flight yesterday. I liked it, just didn’t like the far fatched scene where he went berserk (not to give anything away). However, glad to know he did have morals.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
9:53 am
The one uppers wouldn’t last long with me.
disco
December 10th, 2012
9:58 am
leggs – I saw flight last week and while I thought it was alright I didn’t really care for it. after the plane crash it wasn’t hitting on much. I don’t think I’ll need to have it on dvd. to me, it’s one of those watch once movies.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
10:18 am
Happy belated birthday Leggs!!!! Hope you had a wonderful weekend.
I’ve had some friends in the past who were “one uppers.” So annoying!!!
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
10:19 am
I saw Skyfall yesterday, the new Bond. Loved it. I didn’t think I would like Daniel Craig at first when he took over as Bond, but he’s proven himself with me. So hot and rugged!!
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
10:25 am
O/T: The beau and I are in the mall Saturday and this crazy looking old, balding white lady comes up to me. She waves her hand up and down my person and whispers some jibberish to me then walks off. It was almost like she was intending to put some sort of hex on me. So of course that left me a little perturbed. Yesterday we’re at Joe’s Crab Shack and my drink mysteriously falls off the table. On the way out, I almost fall since I didn’t notice the shift in the depth of the sidewalk. Then on the way back to the house, a cat hurriedly tries to cross the street and we both see it get hit by the car in front of us. Later on that night, i’m fixing a bowl of fruit for us to snack on and as I put the container back in the fridge it slips and spills all over the floor.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
10:31 am
Disco – Speaking of your 10 year old neice one-upper, I am trying to stop my 10-year old daughter from being one! I slam her every time she pulls that mess! For example, she’s an excellent student, but we have to stay on her brother a little more even though he’s very capable. He brought in a good report from the assistant principal for a good deed he did. Miss Thang tried to cut in when their dad & I were praising her brother. Going on about how she got a similiar letter back 2 years ago. We told her that was not cool and let her brother have his moment. She still kept on and I shut her down.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
10:31 am
I agree, disco. Not a movie you need to see twice!
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
10:37 am
Leggs – I just kept thinking about that movie, “Drag Me To Hell” where the loan officer denied the old lady’s reguest for a loan so she cursed her.
disco
December 10th, 2012
10:41 am
dag. my comment got jacked. then they told me it was a duplicate. oh well.
slim – hope the curse has been lifted.
kimmie – my niece was quite annoying. had me looking at her in a whole new light. told my brother if we lived in the same city I’d break her of that but it’s not for me to fix.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
10:41 am
Slim – That’s funny, cause as I read your post, I was thinking of that women in Drag Me!!!
I really enjoyed Flight, but to be honest, I can’t think of many movies I’ve seen more than once. They really have to make an impression on me. Usually they are comedies that we might show when friends come over and we’re all tipsy!
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
10:41 am
Leggs – Did you do anything for the annual born day?
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
10:45 am
Leggs/disco/kimmie – I had to pray extra hard last night
But seeing that cat get hit by the truck in front of us almost had me crying. He was still moving 
disco
December 10th, 2012
10:51 am
kimmie – that’s how I determine if a movie is really good. the really good ones you will watch over and over again. you will memorize the lines and still keep watching the same daggone movie.
slim – no offense to the animal lovers but I’ve said time and again I might slow down or swerve to avoid hitting a dog but a cat is fair freaking game. as far as I’m concerned, unless you are in the country, all cats should be indoor cats. I wouldn’t have felt bad at all about that cat. now once driving home I witnessed a car hit a deer and I must say it was a bit disturbing watching the deer jerk around in the street.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
10:54 am
Disco – You really have to be on top of stuff like that with kids. And to be fair, alot of my girl’s attitude is really excitement and enthusiasm. She’s so proud of all of her accomplishments. But I don’t want her to get the big head. And while her dad can be a little oblivious to some of it, I told him and her we are not raising a little diva. She can grow up to be an accomplished young lady, but be humble. I told him I am NOT dealing with a teenager with a stank attitude.
This morning I have on an olive-green sweater with two thin red stripes and a thin orange stripe on it. Professional attire for work. When I got in the car to take them to school, miss makes a comment “That sweater sure is dull”. I looked at her and told her that was not cool and I didn’t ask for her comments on my clothes. She quickly came out with “Oh I was just playing” and chuckled. I told her I knew she was not playing but was not expecting my reaction. I also told her I know she likes sparkly things, but that was not appropriate attire for an adult at work, just like her school uniform isn’t bright and shiny. She backed down real quick.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
10:54 am
disco…that’s just mean! LOL! The other day, there was a cat on my road that would not get out of the way…I just honked until it finally got to the side of the road. It would kill me to accidentally hit any animal and kill it!!!
Slim – I don’t blame you for having the heeby jeebies after that! Just a weird coincidence!
Ya’ll are talking about this movie with a loan officer getting cursed. I’m a loan officer and I’m a little afraid of people going berserck on me when I deny them!
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
10:59 am
disco – DANG, why the bad taste for cats? (forgive me if you’ve already explained this on past blogs)
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
11:01 am
kimmie ~ you did good. Had to laugh at her saying she had something similar TWO years ago. Yeah, when a child tries to take the shine off their siblings, that needs to be nipped with the quickness.
SlimNu ~ since my day fell on a Sunday, I went to the movies, had Mimosas, cooked myself some dinner and enjoyed my Sunday viewing pleasure of Amazing Race finale and RHOA. Got a surprising bouquet of roses from lil leggs. That made my day!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
11:04 am
I was driving to a friend’s place and hit a bird. It flew right to the windshield. I cried.
disco
December 10th, 2012
11:07 am
kimmie – lol. with my niece I didn’t peep anything out of the ordinary when it was just me and her but put her around other kids and it shows. re your daughter, I won’t front. I laughed a bit. she knew she was busted. sounds like you’ve got one of them on your hands too. good luck with breaking the habit.
slim – nothing particular against cats. just don’t like them. never have. doubt that I ever will. cats give me the creeps like most folks are creeped out by spiders, bugs or snakes. I just can’t stand cats.
disco
December 10th, 2012
11:16 am
leggs – you cried because you had to stop what you were doing and find a car wash, right?
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
11:19 am
Disco – I don’t let anything pass with her. She’s a sweet child, but if I allow that attitude to fester, she will be ruined. I told her attitude goes a long way in life. No matter how great you think you are, there is always someone out there better. My mom used to tell us that. I told her too, even though she is popular now, other people won’t like her if she becomes a diva. That mess is not cute. I told her our time together before she grows up and moves out will be a lot more pleasant if she bends to my will, especially her upcoming teenage years. Otherwise, we will constantly be at battle, because I told her I will never let up until I see progress! She’s met her match with me!LOL!!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
11:26 am
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
11:32 am
kimmie ~ I too told lil leggs that. Told her no one likes a conceited person. Sure she’s a pretty girl, but don’t walk around smelling yourself. Be humble and be appreciative of the compliments that will come your way. Also taught her to never, ever join in laughing at another person she sees her peers laughing at! Children can be cruel, and I do not expect that type of behavior from her. So far, so good.
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
11:33 am
Happy belated birthday, Leggs. Now come lay over my knee, it’s past time for your spanking…
disco
December 10th, 2012
11:35 am
leggs – since we are on child rearing and those days are behind me. are parents still checking to break their kids from pointing. that was something else I was on my niece about. “stop pointing. use your words to make me see what you want me to see”. I can’t stand pointing.
Robert
December 10th, 2012
11:41 am
“So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you?”
Wise Diva how old are you? We all know the “dating game” is a game adults play. Men will always try to bend in whatever direction the woman wants them in order to reach their goal (sex, lust and love). What is compatible? We like the same things, we go to the same Chruch, we like the same movies….please….Men will be Men.
Ladies, I hope you know “game” when you see, hear and feel it. Women are more “shape shifters” than men. Women know what they want and know how to get it. Men are gullible and fall into traps women set for them all the time. That is a fact.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
11:42 am
Leggs – What did you think about RHOA?
My purse smells like Long Island ice tea where I spilled my entire drink the other day. Hmmm, hope I don’t get pulled over any time soon
disco
December 10th, 2012
11:46 am
slim – I had a long island iced tea the other night. was about to order something that sounded good off the drink menu until the server said it tasted like grape koolaid. I was like never mind. at that point it was a toss up between the long island and a margarita.
robert – there is all kinds of compatible. certain men like to beat women. certain women don’t mind being beat. certain men like to sleep around. certain women don’t mind a man that sleeps around as long as she’s the main one. what? there’s all kinds of compatible out there.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
11:48 am
disco – I had been craving a long island for a while but many places aren’t all that great at making them, except Spondivits. But at least the waitress was kind enough to give me a replacement with no additional charge.
For Real
December 10th, 2012
11:57 am
Shape Shifter or Putting on Your Best Behavior = SAMETHANG!!!!!!
Chick: So what do you do you do for a living?
Dude: I’m an astronaut and I play quarterback in the NFL.
Chick: Oh that’s interesting. Do you have any kids.
Dude: No kids and I have never been married but I don’t want to get married due to my professions.
Chick: You too!
Dude: So you don’t have kids and you don’t want to get married too?
Chick: That’s right… (phone rings) Hold a minute is my kids calling.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
12:00 pm
O/T – I get to leave at 12:30 today! Only bad thing is that I get to go to my therapist and then to the dentist to get my tooth ground down for a crown! I’m so nervous cause I’ve never had a crown before. I had to laugh though that I’m getting my head shrunk and my tooth shrunk in the same day!
disco
December 10th, 2012
12:03 pm
for real – I don’t think they are the same thing. a person can be on good behavior (not even their best behavior, just good behavior) without jumping on someone else’s bandwagon about everything and recycling other people’s opinions. I remember when my son was younger and I’d take him to the barbershop. we’d sit through the shop talk and I’d notice later in the week my son would be recycling barbershop opinions. granted it was usually just sports but I had to tell him right then that he needed his own opinions. he could use someone else’s opinion to help with his point but he couldn’t just be jacking other folks’ opinions.
bluz – you crazy.
For Real
December 10th, 2012
12:04 pm
Happly Belated Birthday Leggs!!!
For Real now hunching out birthday licks.
one, two, three, fourrrrrrrrrrrrrr…….
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
12:05 pm
swiss ~ if only someone else was saying that, I would gladly take them up on their offer Thanks, sir, for the bday wish, not the treat after the wish (lmao).
SlimNu ~ I’m going to email you my thoughts on RHOA. I will say this, I’ve never seen a more desperate, pathetic woman as Kenya
For Real
December 10th, 2012
12:09 pm
Disco: Wise doesn’t know what a shape shifter is. A shape shifter is a person pretending to be something they are not i.e. putting your best foot forward when you don’t have one.
Again, it’s the samethang.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
12:09 pm
disco – I had 3 long island ice teas on Friday, when my friends took me out for a belated birthday dinner and to a bar after. Each one was stronger and stronger. I swear the third one was the strength of three of them. Let’s just say that the food was wonderful going down…not so good coming up. Ugh! I decided to be the DD for my friends Saturday night when we went out…
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
12:11 pm
The reason folks morph into what you are cause they ain’t got no backbone or mind of their own. I have seen it all too often, but not just with dating. I don’t think so much for just getting the drawers. I just think folks that does that are doing whatever it takes to be agreeable or get along or make an impression. Well, now that I’ve said that, maybe it is sometimes for the drawers…lol I call morphing into your SO or potential SO’s persona about as weak as water. HAVE YOUR OWN DANG MIND!! lololol
WOW….still on page one after 12:00??
disco
December 10th, 2012
12:14 pm
bluz – I can only shake my head. you know you tend to overindulge but I’ve never been on the you need to stop drinking bandwagon. still, as an adult you should know your own limitations. there was a bartender at a club in san Antonio that made the strongest long islands I ever encountered and I consider myself to be a pretty decent drinker. I was sipping on one of those bad boys in the club and realized that I had to pay attention to my steps. I literally sat my drink on an empty table and left it there. had I finished that drink I would have been laid in a corner of the club somewhere.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
12:21 pm
disco – I was totally fine, until I got home and it hit me. I had to chug the last half of the drink cause my friends were ready to go. I thought I was just going to go in and go to bed, but then I got sick. I can’t tell you the last time I got sick from drinking. I’m just glad it happened at home. At least I felt totally fine on Saturday since it all left my system Fri night!
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
12:22 pm
And…that’s another reason I need to stay away from liquor…I can’t seem to stop once I start on it. That’s only the second time I’ve had liquor since that night with Mags and both times were at birthday celebrations where I was well taken care of. No interest in having it again for a long time! LOL!
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
12:22 pm
Leggs — Dang… How come all the blog ladies gotta shoot me down right off the bat like that? Yes, in the real world I’m married. And no, in the real world nothing is going to be popping off (and, in the real world I wouldn’t even try it), but come on, ladies! This is the blog world. It’s virtual. At least let a blog bro think, hypothetically, he might could possibly get it if he were single…
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
12:26 pm
disco ~ yes, we will forever look at pointing as a disrespectful thing to do.
OMG, For Real, I literally covered my mouth to stifle my loud laugh. Umm bday licks…ummm, ummm. whew!
swiss ~ we, well I, shoo you off, because it’s the respectable thing to do. Even though we’re in Blogsville, your ass is married in real life (lol). And, I like you as a person in real lie. Some gets a bit carried away with this virtual blogging and feel they can say anything…respect should still be front and center (JMHO)!!!!
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
12:27 pm
I’m out, but I’ll check in later if I feel up to it!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
12:27 pm
I know, I know, just took a little fun out of virtual flirting. I apologize. Don’t mind me. Of course do your thang….
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
12:31 pm
My last Long Island was at Happy Hour at a place on P’tree called Fitzgerald’s. Drinks were strong as heck and Wednesdays was two for one. Had two of those bad boys, and knew I was in trouble when I couldn’t find a way to touch the floor with my feet trying to offf that bar stool. I left my car in the parking lot that night and took a cab home. That was my last tea!
disco
December 10th, 2012
12:31 pm
swiss – or you can imagine that all of the blog chicks are virtually pregnant. lol. approximately 8 months or so.
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
12:32 pm
Leggs — No worries, you know I’m just playing (as with almost everything on here) with that little rant. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is definitely cool with me.
Of course, I do have a lot of respect for a woman who takes her birthday licks like a grown & sexy woman, too… IJS…
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
12:34 pm
disco —
Aw man, you’re cold blooded. That cut me to the blue ball, let me tell you…
disco
December 10th, 2012
12:40 pm
swiss – you are right. that was not called for. I’ll get in line behind leggs and wait my turn for some licks. lol. btw, if I may ask. will these licks be bare-handed? will there be a paddle, a switch, an extension cord?
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
12:43 pm
“will these licks be bare-handed?”
Who said anything about a hand? They’re called “licks” for a reason…
disco
December 10th, 2012
12:46 pm
swiss – well in that case one doesn’t have to wonder if it will hurt. lol. here I was about to put an extra pair of sweats on underneath my pants to ease the sting.
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
12:54 pm
disco — Yeah, definitely no need for the sweats. Let that thang breeeeeeeve.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
1:05 pm
swiss ~ I definitely know you’re playing.
“…will these licks be bare-handed? will there be a paddle, a switch, an extension cord?” – You’re kidding ,right, disco?? I fell out laughing. This is the blog, only one kind of licks come from the guys!!!
MsAtl
December 10th, 2012
1:09 pm
C’mon Disco- you trying to traumatize someone. I remember those Brookly a$$ whuppings with the extension cord.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
1:10 pm
And there goes the rain…
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
1:12 pm
These heffas on RHOLA just soooo hateful
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
1:13 pm
Not there “goes” the rain. Now, here “comes” the rain.
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
1:15 pm
My bad….BBWofLA
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
1:15 pm
Correction: “here”
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
1:30 pm
Leggs – Might want to check your spam ???
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
1:38 pm
Afternoon all,
Shape shifter huh. In my world they get taken advantage of, unfortunately for them. Thanks to my ego and generally being an azz hole these folks along with yes men/women usually draw the full wrath of my personality.
What else you folks got going on? I’m in a helluva some kinda mood today.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
1:42 pm
WD – what kind of mood are you in, something negative like you could pop off on someone at any given moment…or you feeling lethargic, sad, down, indifferent, frisky?
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
1:47 pm
Slim- prolly not surprising to those that know me but to answer your ?. Deviously reserved but frisky. As someone recently told me; calculating. Gotta love the mind. It is a beautiful thing.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
1:49 pm
I wasn’t going to ask WillieD, because I had a feeling you would say exactly what you said. Got a wild hair and don’t/can’t get it pulled.
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
1:52 pm
Leggs- shet it up hahaha. And if you really know me you know I don’t grow wild hairs, I cultivate them.
Bluzgirl
December 10th, 2012
1:58 pm
Sitting at the dentist, waiting for my appointment, but had to share good news. My therapist agreed that I can take a break from sessions. Today was the last one my insurance will cover, so we discussed that I’ve been doing really well and can take a break and call him when needed. He’s been wonderful, so I told him I promised I wouldn’t go to someone new because it will only be $20 more than my copay when I do need to go back. I’ll know when I need to see him again! I’m just very happy with it!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:01 pm
Yeah, you cultivate, then they fall off because the roots haven’t been watered!!!!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:01 pm
BA DA BING…LOL
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
2:05 pm
Funny, funny. Hence the term Wild. No fertilizer needed.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:13 pm
Yeah, but why let them continue to grow wild if no one’s admiring what you’ve been cultivating (lol).
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
2:16 pm
I don’t grow wild hairs, I cultivate them…….That reminds me of a T-Shirt my potnah wore at this past essence festival. On the front it said in big bold letters “I DONT DATE SINGLE MOTHERS” then on the back “I CREATE THEM”…… On another note, I could swear my 11 year old daughter has a hickey on her neck. She talking about she got that bruise playing basketball, then showed me another little scrape on her elbow. I know a dayum hickey when I see one, but I want to believe her. I would hate to let wifey whupp her little behind and she is being truthful. More importantly, I would hate to think that she is being put in those types of situations so early in life. Last Thursday and Friday, the school honor society had a national convention in Macon. It was an overnight trip. This was her second year attending. I believe that is when my security was breached. Any thoughts?
disco
December 10th, 2012
2:17 pm
bluz – lol. really? insurance runs out and you’re all better? am I the only one that thinks this sounds suspect? not even saying whether or not you still need therapy. my thing is if you are well enough today then you were likely well enough last week. dude was in this to get paid. lol.
disco
December 10th, 2012
2:18 pm
dushawn – I’m trying real hard not to crack up. did you refer to it as a security breach? did she not have a second bruise to draw attention away from the first bruise? hilarious. darned honor students. might as well let her hang with the detention kids.
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
2:20 pm
Du- as a Father of a 11 y/o lil girl myself I say this with respect and remorse. Do you remember yourself as a pre teen/teen?
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:21 pm
Dushawn ~ sorry, but first thing I thought of was all the lesbians in training on the track team and bball team. I was very leery in middle school. I think middle school can be worse than high school. You have to stay vigilant is the best advice I can give. And even the looke of hickeys have evolved from back in our day. I think. I never liked those ugly, painful anything but passion marks.
And, I’m surprised your friend didn’t get stoned wearing such a degrading tee-shirt!!
disco
December 10th, 2012
2:23 pm
willie d – while you casually try to shift the issue to boys being boys let me be the one to put it out there that some little girls (not necessarily yours D but…) come into this world hot in the tail. sure little boys make their moves but some little girls are making moves too. ijs.
leggs – I didn’t even want to go that route. I hate to say it but I’d probably be more ticked about that than some little knucklehead boy nibbling on my daughters neck. and that’s not about being anti-pride but can she at least save the experimenting until hs/college? lol.
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
2:30 pm
W/D That’s why I’m so concerned. I will get to the truth, trust that. I got a Confidential Informat that attended that trip as well….Her younger sister. My baby girl will snitch, if I get her alone at the mall.
If my supicions are confirmed, I’m finding the little boy, speakeing to his parents, and she won’t see the light of day until she’s 25.
- Leggs- Dog T-shirt was an instant conversation starter. Women were stopping him in the street to talk about it. That was his purspose. Most thought it was funny not degrading.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:31 pm
disco ~ I had to go that route. Mine was on the track team and I saw plenty. Hell, the head coach wound up losing her job over all that nonsense!
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
2:32 pm
Prepare yourself, payback is a b!tch. And it stings twice as much as you dished it. IJS
Not to be mean or rude but it is what it is…brace yourself
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:33 pm
Another example of people dumbing down, DuShawn. Sure, a conversation starter, but nothing cute about it.
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
2:35 pm
With little kids coming of age, especially girls, it would seem like that would be an instant cure to shenanigans…I guess not huh? IJS
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
2:40 pm
My bad for sticking my comments in there….lol Carry on Dushawn and WillieD. Shoot, I was just peeking in. Nothing too much going on anyway. What’s up with a few tales being told…lol
Carry on!!
MsAtl
December 10th, 2012
2:42 pm
DuShawn- “that is when my security was breached.” I am cracking up over your choice of terms.
Bluz- If the therapist really feels you have progressed to the point where you can take a break, that is great. I would think it would be unethical & actually abandonment if his decision is based solely on insurance. Either way, you know if and when you need to go back, insurance or not. Take care of yourself.
disco
December 10th, 2012
2:52 pm
leggs – I don’t doubt the legitimacy of your claims. just owning that I don’t think I’d be prepared to deal with that one. I feel kind of bad too since I’m always claiming to be relatively open minded. still if a 10-11 year old child of my were doing some same sex experimenting I would wrap my hands around their neck. goodness. we played house and doctor and hide and go get it and countless other grown games but we weren’t experimenting like that. I wouldn’t trip so much if said child were 16 or 17 but 10. oh hecky naw.
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
2:55 pm
It’s not me she really has to fear. When I escalated it to wifey, it got real serious real fast. I was asked to excuse myself so they could talk. I went to the basement, finished watching the game and hoped she didn’t kill her. I literally don’t allow them to use the term boyfriend… It’s a curse word. I’m rethinking that position now. It’s probably why she was so scared to tell me what happened. Then again, maybe it did happen playing ball. I thought I had a couple of more years before I would have to face the inevitable.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
2:57 pm
I understand, disco. There was one parent that went plum crazy when she found our her girl “dabbled” (h.s.) and is now seeing a young lady in college. Man, talking about a NYer that can cuss. I truly felt sorry for her daughter!
I remember being so pained when I walked into my child’s middle school only to find a little girl I knew pregnant. I wanted to cry….
disco
December 10th, 2012
3:00 pm
dushawn – it’s funny how little boyfriends and girlfriends are cute in elementary school. by middle school they become a bit taboo. parents sending mixed messages. lol.
leggs – thing is I could accept a gay child and it wouldn’t be overly traumatic. I’m just stuck on stupid with the idea of kids that young experimenting same sex. boggles the mind.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:01 pm
Sorry, just got off an hour long, boring ass conference call
WD – No matter how wild dem herrrrs getting, just keep it safe
DuS – I remember when I was 16 and I got my first hickey, i tried to first cover it up. Then I told moms that I got bitten by something. She was not trying to hear any excuse because apparently, she knows a hickey when she see’s one too. I told yall regulars before that that was the worse and last time I got a whooping. My mom put me on punishment but that wasn’t enough. She called my dad who was living in B’ham at the time. All i know is when I got home from school that next day, he was waiting at the house on me just so he could tear my lil azz up.
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
3:03 pm
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALREADY! Flag on the play!!! Y’all know I’m already nervous as hell with the little one on the way — y’all are gonna give me a damn stroke with all this talk!
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
3:03 pm
Leggs- happy Bday (again).
Disco- I wasn’t tryn to change the subject. I was letting Du know I was in the same boat ashom and we/I was. I think my boat got a leak, going upstream an my paddle ain’t worth jack isht. But I be dayum if we ain’t gonna make it.
Cel- I know what u saying. Karma for folks like me is having daughters. I know.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:04 pm
And not to be make it worse, could that bruise on the elbow be a carpet burn? Hmmm
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
3:07 pm
Slim — Your CT aught to slap the taste out of your mouth for that one…
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
3:08 pm
-Slim- That’s not funny……You bout to get somebody kid f&*cked up out here. Don’t Gas me up.
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
3:08 pm
WillieD – My bad, I thought I was talking to Du… I was saying carry on to the both of you because y’all was talking at almost the same time. Didn’t want to cut off the lil bit of convo flow that was going
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
3:10 pm
I’m speechless with this stuff yall talking about. Guess I better get ready, tho, cause I’m the mean parent in the equation.
Du – So what happened, was it a hickey or not?
disco
December 10th, 2012
3:10 pm
slim – yeah. that was going too far. carpet burn? dang.
D – lol. before you get gassed up, again I reiterate, make sure your daughter isn’t “that daughter”. you out in the world beating up little boys meanwhile she’s reeling them in as fast as you can knock them out. does she come home from school with little gifts? y’all going through her book bag?
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:13 pm
swiss ~ my o my how things change so quickly. I so remember you and your stories on driving the campus school bus looking at the freshmeat, I mean freshmen coming in. Now, we’ve scaled down to hickeys in middle school and you’re getting antsy…EXCELLENT!!
It’s no joke. I used to tell mine I see everything she’s doing. I remember being in the garage looking for something. My windows are tinted, and I looked out seeing her standing there talking to a guy that drove up. I knew him, but didn’t know he was interested in her until he leaned in for a kiss. I tapped on that garage window so loudly I scared both of them! Need to let her know, you never know where I am watching YOU!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:13 pm
Thanks WillieD. Going home to finish up my Mimosas this evening!
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
3:15 pm
Cel – no prob but sometimes I relate to what dude is saying. He keeps me from voicing it. That Huxtable sweater is closer to one size fits all han most would know. Speaking of sweaters, I saw the one you linked to a few days back. Nice sweater but DO NOT get your dude a sweater for Xmas. Really, don’t go there. That’s was 11 y/o girls with hickeys and a fresh azz whupping get there daddy for Xmas. IJS
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
3:20 pm
WillieD – LOL ‘Preciate the advice but you know I KNOW how to set it off for Christmas. IJS Too, we ain’t dropping a plethora of cash this Christmas. That’s a “Huxtable” sweater. Just wanna make sure he’s wearing along with the rest of you reformed men…lol Well, I shouldn’t say “reformed” for him cause he’s been nothing but a gent
Of course though, if I get the sweater, it won’t be in green and if I do, it will be a part of a Christmas package. I did say I was thinking about but more so, I was posting here cause I liked the price and I liked the sweater…again, not in green
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
3:27 pm
Too, he’s the “Brooks Brothers type.”
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:28 pm
I’m not trying to be funny…all i’m saying is don’t take it too lightly. Kids are doing waaaay more these days than many of us were not even thinking of back in the day. That’s all i’m going to say on the matter.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:31 pm
My co-worker has a 13 year old daughter and the daugher is not allowed to erase any of her text messages without her mother going thru them first. I was shocked to hear the mom tell me that just last week.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:35 pm
Well, I can see her daughter getting around that. These kids find a way to get around anything, electronically. Most kids are leaps and bounds ahead of their parents. I understand people say children should not have any privacy while living under their parents roof. I disagree. If you don’t show them trust at home, I think the seeds are being planted for them to be buck wild stupid when they leave home.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
3:38 pm
disco – Speaking of going thru book bags, I told my 12 year old son about a week or 2 ago he didn’t have any privacy, not even his bookbag. I went in it to put some homework he did and left on the kitchen table in his notebook. He told me his bag was private. I told him he didn’t have privacy. At this point, the only thing he was trying to hide was some game magazines and some yugi cards, but I told he & his sister nothing that comes in that house gets past our eyes. The only privacy they have is when they use the bathroom and they still better not lock the door when they do that!
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:39 pm
Leggs – You can always check the text msgs (ingoing and outgoing) against the actual bill. I know with t-mobile you can see every time a msg is sent or received. So if something is not adding up with what’s in the phone, then houston we have a problem. I don’t have any kids, but I’d hope I wouldn’t have to do all that to keep my child in check. I think that fear you put in them at an early age helps set the stage. Then at a certain point, you have to say, hey I did my best, now it’s nothing but hard learned lessons up ahead if they choose to ack up
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
3:45 pm
If you don’t show them trust at home, I think the seeds are being planted for them to be buck wild stupid when they leave home.
I agree with that when it comes to some things. Like my mom made sure we got to taste wine and alcohol and date within reason, so we would not go wild. She really didn’t bother us about stuff like diaries and bookbags and such, but we always knew she would check if she had a reason to think something was up. None of this “I didn’t know my child was using drugs or having sex” stuff with her. But then, we didn’t have cell phones or the internet and FB then. You have to let them know you are 2 steps ahead. My parents raised us well. If we went wild after we moved out, that was on us.
As for kids working around their parents, I know a 16 year old whose mom locks her cell phone at night. Chick got the code though, and soon as mom goes to bed, she goes online and unlocks it. Talks and texts her little boyfriends all night!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:52 pm
SlimNu ~ wasn’t talking about the bill. Hell, most friends have the same friends and the same numbers. She can also be sending texts using someone else’s phone who doesn’t mind. May not be racy to them, but if her mother saw it may feel it’s racy.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:55 pm
Oh ok, my bad…
disco
December 10th, 2012
3:57 pm
as the mother of a former teenage son please believe me when I say these little hot-tailed girls are a lot more of a force to reckon with than the mannish boys. about a year or so ago I was going through some things my son left behind when he moved out. came across a couple of his old cell phones. turned them on for the heck of it and had a good old time reading those trifling little messages talking about what all they wanted to do to him. I called my son and asked who one particular little girl was and told him why I was asking. he told her about me reading her messages and she had the nerve to say she was embarrassed.
I still have a handwritten note a little girl gave my son in elementary school detailing a dream she claims to have had about him. let’s just say the dream was way grown-er than she was.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
4:01 pm
in elementary school. grown-er than she was…something happening in that household!
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
4:03 pm
OAN: Jackie on BBWonLA is about as crazy and delusional as they come. She’s in a world of her own. And that world, is NOT in reality. I like her better than some Lauren/Laura…whatever her name, but she’s not their age, has aged, got the middle age spread going on and really believes she’s banging…ummm, NO. Unbelievable. Somebody needs to really take her by the shoulders and shake her until there’s nothing left…at least no of the delusional stuff. If that means going/shaking til she’s empty…SO BE IT….lololol
You gotta hate reality tv
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
4:05 pm
I hate I stopped to watched….lololol I typically don’t do trash tv, although I will admit to RHONJ
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
4:06 pm
I’ve watched bits and pieces of it over time but I should clarify…I HATE I STOPPED TO WATCHED TODAY. I’ve been shredding all day and have been watching the last 3 or 4 hours.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
4:07 pm
Disco – Whether one is raising a girl or a boy, you have to be realistic about the entire situation and not have your head in the sand. And the biggest mistake I see alot of parents doing is not taking ownership of their role in the raising and setting the expectation to their kids that their actions have consequences. Acting like your daughter is this little angel that’s being preyed upon by these mannish boys or that some fast girl held a gun to your boy’s head and corrupted him is a recipe for disaster. Don’t be naive about what you kid will or might do.
My parents didn’t care who did or said what in the street. We knew what was waiting on us when we got home and what was expected.
ninegps
December 10th, 2012
4:08 pm
You treat all your prospects the same. You get to know them slowly over time and do not allow them to charm you with their fairy dust. You move on the board carefully. Most people find this basic norm extremely difficult.
http://ninegps.com
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
4:10 pm
They just talk so nasty these days. At least we’d try to talk in code back in the day…but now it’s worse than watching a p0rno. The way they put words together makes it seem as if they’ve had much experience with talking like that.
disco
December 10th, 2012
4:12 pm
Kimmie – trust me when I say I’ve got you on that one. still, I’m always amazed at how many parents are thinking/acting like their daughter is all innocent and can do no wrong. I’m like somebody’s daughter has to be the ho. no joke but just real talk. a lot of parents will even own the double standard that it’s alright if their son dabbles. personally, with my son I broke it down to whether or not he wanted someone else’s momma to have that much control over his life. if he got some little girl knocked up it wouldn’t be about me, him or her but that girl’s momma would call the shots and hold his life in her hands.
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
4:17 pm
Playing catch up,
Leggs, If her mother told her not to erase them, all she probably knows how to check her usage , she’ll see every message. I told my son not to be texting in school. He came home the next day and told me his phone was off, I looked him and said For real! he didn’t say anything else just went to his room.
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
4:28 pm
I go thru everything. One would be hard pressed to find a more invasive parent. I check laptop history and cookies, impomptu phone snatches and reivew pictures and text, I even toss their cells unannounced (i.e. search their rooms). I got parental blocks on TV shows and web sites and you bet not have a locked door in my house. Even with all that, I believe we have been infiltrated.
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
4:32 pm
It could be a false alarm, but I will keep my eye’s open. I got to meet with my C.I. and see what the streets are saying. You can’t out slick an oil can. Best belive if she misbehaving, Imma catch her slippin.
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
4:38 pm
Du, just like we always slip, they will slip, the only thing that has changed, is the times. Different means for doing the same ole thing. We use to send a note, they send a text. we used to get a peak under the bleachers, they send a picture. We used to have the he said she said, they have face book.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
4:38 pm
You can’t out slick an oil can.
LOL I’ve never heard this saying but it’s got me cracking up
DuS – If you’re already doing all that then it may be a false alarm. Let us know what the skreets say
Good Luck
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
4:40 pm
Disco – That’s an interesting outlook – the girl’s mama!! But you are right and whatever works. As for that double standard, hey AIDS doesn’t care if you’re male or female!!
disco
December 10th, 2012
4:46 pm
S/H – does that somehow mess up the parental adage of “everything you trying to do, I’ve already done”? lol. granted, the underlying objective of what they are trying to do is the same but I had to toss the question out there just for kicks. and by the way, I never said that. don’t know if I never had cause to or I just hated hearing it so much that I refused to.
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
4:50 pm
Disco, I hadn’t thought of it that way, just saying “no matter how much thing change, they always seem to stay the same.” My parents never told me that, and I never told my son that. I just used to think of it as him being a child just like I was.
disco
December 10th, 2012
4:54 pm
S/H – you had a good childhood. lol. I heard that crap over and over and over again. btw, would you believe I’m still checking flights to sao Paulo? at this point I’m thinking that prices simply are what they are and there isn’t a deal to be found. guess it is what it is. still, I’m frugal. I’m thinking I can go on 3 (cheap) cruises for the price of airfare only to brazil.