Are you dating a shape shifter?
Why yes, you read the title right: Shape Shifters! I know, I have been watching way too many vampire, walking dead, sci-fi sorts of things but bare with me here: Have you ever met someone who seemed to “me too” you too many times? You know, the people who want so badly to find common ground with you. They start to make it seem as if you were practically switched at birth or something! It can be quite odd and a little creepy, to be honest.
Imagine how it feels to find out the person you are dating is a lot like that. I call them shape shifters. They bend, contort, and distort their actual lives, personality, and behavior so that the person they are dating thinks they are soul mates. Listen to this PSA people: Never, ever, ever stay in a relationship with a shape shifter.
The minute their actual personality starts to seep through, will freak you out. You start to recall blatant lies they told you. You find out they are the polar opposite of what they represented. Even if their “actual” self may not be all that bad, you don’t know if it is worth the risk to find out!
So how can you know for sure that the person you are dating isn’t just pretending to be compatible with you? Do you do a little background check? Get character references? How do you spot a shape shifter and what do you do when you encounter one?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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139 comments Add your comment
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
3:03 pm
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALREADY! Flag on the play!!! Y’all know I’m already nervous as hell with the little one on the way — y’all are gonna give me a damn stroke with all this talk!
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
3:03 pm
Leggs- happy Bday (again).
Disco- I wasn’t tryn to change the subject. I was letting Du know I was in the same boat ashom and we/I was. I think my boat got a leak, going upstream an my paddle ain’t worth jack isht. But I be dayum if we ain’t gonna make it.
Cel- I know what u saying. Karma for folks like me is having daughters. I know.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:04 pm
And not to be make it worse, could that bruise on the elbow be a carpet burn? Hmmm
i'm swiss
December 10th, 2012
3:07 pm
Slim — Your CT aught to slap the taste out of your mouth for that one…
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
3:08 pm
-Slim- That’s not funny……You bout to get somebody kid f&*cked up out here. Don’t Gas me up.
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
3:08 pm
WillieD – My bad, I thought I was talking to Du… I was saying carry on to the both of you because y’all was talking at almost the same time. Didn’t want to cut off the lil bit of convo flow that was going
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
3:10 pm
I’m speechless with this stuff yall talking about. Guess I better get ready, tho, cause I’m the mean parent in the equation.
Du – So what happened, was it a hickey or not?
disco
December 10th, 2012
3:10 pm
slim – yeah. that was going too far. carpet burn? dang.
D – lol. before you get gassed up, again I reiterate, make sure your daughter isn’t “that daughter”. you out in the world beating up little boys meanwhile she’s reeling them in as fast as you can knock them out. does she come home from school with little gifts? y’all going through her book bag?
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:13 pm
swiss ~ my o my how things change so quickly. I so remember you and your stories on driving the campus school bus looking at the freshmeat, I mean freshmen coming in. Now, we’ve scaled down to hickeys in middle school and you’re getting antsy…EXCELLENT!!
It’s no joke. I used to tell mine I see everything she’s doing. I remember being in the garage looking for something. My windows are tinted, and I looked out seeing her standing there talking to a guy that drove up. I knew him, but didn’t know he was interested in her until he leaned in for a kiss. I tapped on that garage window so loudly I scared both of them! Need to let her know, you never know where I am watching YOU!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:13 pm
Thanks WillieD. Going home to finish up my Mimosas this evening!
Willie Dynamite
December 10th, 2012
3:15 pm
Cel – no prob but sometimes I relate to what dude is saying. He keeps me from voicing it. That Huxtable sweater is closer to one size fits all han most would know. Speaking of sweaters, I saw the one you linked to a few days back. Nice sweater but DO NOT get your dude a sweater for Xmas. Really, don’t go there. That’s was 11 y/o girls with hickeys and a fresh azz whupping get there daddy for Xmas. IJS
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
3:20 pm
WillieD – LOL ‘Preciate the advice but you know I KNOW how to set it off for Christmas. IJS Too, we ain’t dropping a plethora of cash this Christmas. That’s a “Huxtable” sweater. Just wanna make sure he’s wearing along with the rest of you reformed men…lol Well, I shouldn’t say “reformed” for him cause he’s been nothing but a gent
Of course though, if I get the sweater, it won’t be in green and if I do, it will be a part of a Christmas package. I did say I was thinking about but more so, I was posting here cause I liked the price and I liked the sweater…again, not in green
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
3:27 pm
Too, he’s the “Brooks Brothers type.”
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:28 pm
I’m not trying to be funny…all i’m saying is don’t take it too lightly. Kids are doing waaaay more these days than many of us were not even thinking of back in the day. That’s all i’m going to say on the matter.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:31 pm
My co-worker has a 13 year old daughter and the daugher is not allowed to erase any of her text messages without her mother going thru them first. I was shocked to hear the mom tell me that just last week.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:35 pm
Well, I can see her daughter getting around that. These kids find a way to get around anything, electronically. Most kids are leaps and bounds ahead of their parents. I understand people say children should not have any privacy while living under their parents roof. I disagree. If you don’t show them trust at home, I think the seeds are being planted for them to be buck wild stupid when they leave home.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
3:38 pm
disco – Speaking of going thru book bags, I told my 12 year old son about a week or 2 ago he didn’t have any privacy, not even his bookbag. I went in it to put some homework he did and left on the kitchen table in his notebook. He told me his bag was private. I told him he didn’t have privacy. At this point, the only thing he was trying to hide was some game magazines and some yugi cards, but I told he & his sister nothing that comes in that house gets past our eyes. The only privacy they have is when they use the bathroom and they still better not lock the door when they do that!
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:39 pm
Leggs – You can always check the text msgs (ingoing and outgoing) against the actual bill. I know with t-mobile you can see every time a msg is sent or received. So if something is not adding up with what’s in the phone, then houston we have a problem. I don’t have any kids, but I’d hope I wouldn’t have to do all that to keep my child in check. I think that fear you put in them at an early age helps set the stage. Then at a certain point, you have to say, hey I did my best, now it’s nothing but hard learned lessons up ahead if they choose to ack up
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
3:45 pm
If you don’t show them trust at home, I think the seeds are being planted for them to be buck wild stupid when they leave home.
I agree with that when it comes to some things. Like my mom made sure we got to taste wine and alcohol and date within reason, so we would not go wild. She really didn’t bother us about stuff like diaries and bookbags and such, but we always knew she would check if she had a reason to think something was up. None of this “I didn’t know my child was using drugs or having sex” stuff with her. But then, we didn’t have cell phones or the internet and FB then. You have to let them know you are 2 steps ahead. My parents raised us well. If we went wild after we moved out, that was on us.
As for kids working around their parents, I know a 16 year old whose mom locks her cell phone at night. Chick got the code though, and soon as mom goes to bed, she goes online and unlocks it. Talks and texts her little boyfriends all night!
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
3:52 pm
SlimNu ~ wasn’t talking about the bill. Hell, most friends have the same friends and the same numbers. She can also be sending texts using someone else’s phone who doesn’t mind. May not be racy to them, but if her mother saw it may feel it’s racy.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
3:55 pm
Oh ok, my bad…
disco
December 10th, 2012
3:57 pm
as the mother of a former teenage son please believe me when I say these little hot-tailed girls are a lot more of a force to reckon with than the mannish boys. about a year or so ago I was going through some things my son left behind when he moved out. came across a couple of his old cell phones. turned them on for the heck of it and had a good old time reading those trifling little messages talking about what all they wanted to do to him. I called my son and asked who one particular little girl was and told him why I was asking. he told her about me reading her messages and she had the nerve to say she was embarrassed.
I still have a handwritten note a little girl gave my son in elementary school detailing a dream she claims to have had about him. let’s just say the dream was way grown-er than she was.
Leggs
December 10th, 2012
4:01 pm
in elementary school. grown-er than she was…something happening in that household!
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
4:03 pm
OAN: Jackie on BBWonLA is about as crazy and delusional as they come. She’s in a world of her own. And that world, is NOT in reality. I like her better than some Lauren/Laura…whatever her name, but she’s not their age, has aged, got the middle age spread going on and really believes she’s banging…ummm, NO. Unbelievable. Somebody needs to really take her by the shoulders and shake her until there’s nothing left…at least no of the delusional stuff. If that means going/shaking til she’s empty…SO BE IT….lololol
You gotta hate reality tv
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
4:05 pm
I hate I stopped to watched….lololol I typically don’t do trash tv, although I will admit to RHONJ
Celisea
December 10th, 2012
4:06 pm
I’ve watched bits and pieces of it over time but I should clarify…I HATE I STOPPED TO WATCHED TODAY. I’ve been shredding all day and have been watching the last 3 or 4 hours.
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
4:07 pm
Disco – Whether one is raising a girl or a boy, you have to be realistic about the entire situation and not have your head in the sand. And the biggest mistake I see alot of parents doing is not taking ownership of their role in the raising and setting the expectation to their kids that their actions have consequences. Acting like your daughter is this little angel that’s being preyed upon by these mannish boys or that some fast girl held a gun to your boy’s head and corrupted him is a recipe for disaster. Don’t be naive about what you kid will or might do.
My parents didn’t care who did or said what in the street. We knew what was waiting on us when we got home and what was expected.
ninegps
December 10th, 2012
4:08 pm
You treat all your prospects the same. You get to know them slowly over time and do not allow them to charm you with their fairy dust. You move on the board carefully. Most people find this basic norm extremely difficult.
http://ninegps.com
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
4:10 pm
They just talk so nasty these days. At least we’d try to talk in code back in the day…but now it’s worse than watching a p0rno. The way they put words together makes it seem as if they’ve had much experience with talking like that.
disco
December 10th, 2012
4:12 pm
Kimmie – trust me when I say I’ve got you on that one. still, I’m always amazed at how many parents are thinking/acting like their daughter is all innocent and can do no wrong. I’m like somebody’s daughter has to be the ho. no joke but just real talk. a lot of parents will even own the double standard that it’s alright if their son dabbles. personally, with my son I broke it down to whether or not he wanted someone else’s momma to have that much control over his life. if he got some little girl knocked up it wouldn’t be about me, him or her but that girl’s momma would call the shots and hold his life in her hands.
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
4:17 pm
Playing catch up,
Leggs, If her mother told her not to erase them, all she probably knows how to check her usage , she’ll see every message. I told my son not to be texting in school. He came home the next day and told me his phone was off, I looked him and said For real! he didn’t say anything else just went to his room.
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
4:28 pm
I go thru everything. One would be hard pressed to find a more invasive parent. I check laptop history and cookies, impomptu phone snatches and reivew pictures and text, I even toss their cells unannounced (i.e. search their rooms). I got parental blocks on TV shows and web sites and you bet not have a locked door in my house. Even with all that, I believe we have been infiltrated.
DuShawn
December 10th, 2012
4:32 pm
It could be a false alarm, but I will keep my eye’s open. I got to meet with my C.I. and see what the streets are saying. You can’t out slick an oil can. Best belive if she misbehaving, Imma catch her slippin.
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
4:38 pm
Du, just like we always slip, they will slip, the only thing that has changed, is the times. Different means for doing the same ole thing. We use to send a note, they send a text. we used to get a peak under the bleachers, they send a picture. We used to have the he said she said, they have face book.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 10th, 2012
4:38 pm
You can’t out slick an oil can.
LOL I’ve never heard this saying but it’s got me cracking up
DuS – If you’re already doing all that then it may be a false alarm. Let us know what the skreets say
Good Luck
kimmie
December 10th, 2012
4:40 pm
Disco – That’s an interesting outlook – the girl’s mama!! But you are right and whatever works. As for that double standard, hey AIDS doesn’t care if you’re male or female!!
disco
December 10th, 2012
4:46 pm
S/H – does that somehow mess up the parental adage of “everything you trying to do, I’ve already done”? lol. granted, the underlying objective of what they are trying to do is the same but I had to toss the question out there just for kicks. and by the way, I never said that. don’t know if I never had cause to or I just hated hearing it so much that I refused to.
Single and Happy Marvelous Monday!
December 10th, 2012
4:50 pm
Disco, I hadn’t thought of it that way, just saying “no matter how much thing change, they always seem to stay the same.” My parents never told me that, and I never told my son that. I just used to think of it as him being a child just like I was.
disco
December 10th, 2012
4:54 pm
S/H – you had a good childhood. lol. I heard that crap over and over and over again. btw, would you believe I’m still checking flights to sao Paulo? at this point I’m thinking that prices simply are what they are and there isn’t a deal to be found. guess it is what it is. still, I’m frugal. I’m thinking I can go on 3 (cheap) cruises for the price of airfare only to brazil.