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Relationships: We’ve got to break up

Check out this video of a couple who ended their 5 year relationship with a song and video: If only every break up could be this creative!

They decided to part ways because he wanted children and she did not. I love how they are honest enough with one another about the kind of life they really want. They basically can now release each other to go find the right person for them. Do you think you would be able to do that?

I am wondering how they managed to stay in a long-term relationship for five years without being clear on having kids. When you are dating and things are new, do you bring up the topic of babies? Guys can easily get spooked if a woman so much as mentions her ovaries!

Most women I know who want children are not overly eager to talk about children too soon. What is the appropriate time to talk about having children? What do you do if you don’t want the same thing?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

124 comments Add your comment

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
6:44 am

If there’s something you want that your SO cannot agree with, why would you settle with that? Why compromise?? No way would I “settle.” You may “accept” their answer of no, this or that doesn’t work (for them) and compromise, somehow though, resentment may become the eventual outcome. That would be the absolute worst.

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
6:45 am

JUST MY HUMBLE OPINION, of course

Exiled!

December 7th, 2012
6:50 am

Diva:Most women are not eager……of their children too soon.

I thought the dating stage is the time to hash things out. So admittedly as Diva observes,some play a cat and mouse game by being cagey with the truf.

Altho think it’s such an evil thing to hide your desires about kids just coz u want to show off a guy.

I have heard of chics that hide the fact that they do have kids,just so they look more ummmm,’________’ whatever they deem more appropriate.

But wasting 5 years is a damn long time!

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
7:01 am

Altho think it’s such an evil thing to hide your desires about kids just coz u want to show off a guy.

Exactly…..I can almost bet, eventually somebody won’t be happy. I wonder if it’s out of feeling desperate or believing your SO will later change their mind.

lee

December 7th, 2012
7:03 am

Exiled–How do the chics hide their kids? I never heard of that.
Sometimes people change what they want or their needs change with time, seems this couple was honest with each other and the split was a happy (lol) change, good for them. Hope they find what they seek.

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
7:14 am

There was an entire episode of a chick hiding the fact that she had a kid because she feared losing her new found love. She told the dude her kid was her niece. People do awful things when desperate. Unfathomable yes, but folks do crazy things.

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
7:15 am

On the Bert Show

Single and Happy Thunderous Thursday

December 7th, 2012
7:21 am

“When you are dating and things are new, do you bring up the topic of babies?

No, bringing up anything long term is a no no, I don’t even know you like that yet. Just because two people want the same thing, doesn’t mean they want the same things.

Lee, those are my sisters kids, etc etc etc

Since they say they’re still in love, he thought she would change, 5 years isn’t that long if you’re just dating, everyone isn’t looking for someone to marry tomorrow.

What is the appropriate time to talk about having children?
When you start talking about marriage.

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
7:23 am

Awwwwww, I just teared up at the kid’s reaction on GMA that finally got the LEGO train set he wanted. His mom told him to save his money if he wanted to purchase, so he did. Well by the time two years had passed, it was discontinued. So he wrote LEGO. After searching they found him one and mailed. He wasn’t expecting. His reaction was truly one of a kid of yesteryear. Awwwwwww

Button

December 7th, 2012
8:39 am

5 years? at what age did they start dating, high school?

Do you think you would be able to do that? Yes, I would and have let go and have been let go because we wanted/needed different things out of life.

for me, babies are brought up from the very beginning of getting to know someone. Matter of fact this very samething happened to me with a guy I met who wanted to get married and have more children but since I’m not going to have anymore children we didn’t go any future with dating.

good morning

Button

December 7th, 2012
8:42 am

Ladies aren’t the only ones hiding kids, men do it too which makes it easier for a man to do it since he doesn’t have custody of the kids.

Button

December 7th, 2012
8:54 am

I can’t watch the video. I bet it’s cute though, just the thought alone sound so sweet. Good for them.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 7th, 2012
9:25 am

Wow, 5 years does sound like a long time to just now come to the realization that they want different things as far as kids go.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 7th, 2012
9:34 am

Oops, where are my manners….ahem, cough-cough, mi mi mi mieeeeeeeee

Gooooood morning ERRRRRYbody ;-)

In keeping with the topic, what do you do when your partner tells you they do not want to get married or have a kid as far as they can tell in the foreseeable future? Do ya move on as well?

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
9:35 am

Off topic….since it’s quiet

I just had a dude to ask me if he could ride with me…lol Why was I pretending I couldn’t hear him? lololol I kept saying “huh?” He finally asked, can I call you? I dunno, I instinctively lied and responded, “I’m married.” I felt bad after I drove off cause his expression showed disbelief…lol

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
9:54 am

Not ride as in getting a lift. He was working and in a utility truck. Bet he makes nicely :)

czBrat ♀

December 7th, 2012
10:00 am

what do you do when your partner tells you they do not want to get married or have a kid as far as they can tell in the foreseeable future? Do ya move on as well?
people, please, stop HOPING folks will change their mind, heart, plans, and/or desires if you just hang in there long enough. if y’all are not on the same path, part.
chances are you will find suitable mate(s) on your path as long as you’re travelling true to yourself and KNOW yourself.
if you do meet up again down the road and find yourselves heading in the same direction, great!

and yes, celisea, fine line between compromise and settling. resentment will make it’s appearance sooner or later.

HiYas!

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
10:04 am

and yes, celisea, fine line between compromise and settling. resentment will make it’s appearance sooner or later.

czBrat – Exactly. Delusional and denial…the worst

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
10:06 am

People will say “what they gotta” to keep it going, lock it in, seal the deal. But, being a woman, if having a baby is something so desired…especially from the man you love, not just having one but with him, she may suppress it but it won’t EVER leave….at least I don’t believe. She may eventually accept it but again, the desire will linger

Bluzgirl

December 7th, 2012
10:07 am

Morning all!

I got caught up with the ex, hoping he would change his mind about marrying. He said he would never get married again. Every once in a while, he would dangle the carrot of “you never know what will happen in the future.” I held out hope that he would eventually marry me because we “loved” each other enough and thought he would want to make me happy. He would say that he would commit to me forever, but not go through with the marriage. After two years, I’m glad I finally got the guts to break up with him because I knew he would never give me what I wanted and needed. Now, he’s engaged to the next girl and is supposed to get married in May…just over a year after our break up.

Lesson learned. I want to get married one day and won’t date another man who says they will never get married. At this point, I don’t want to have kids, but I’m not totally closed off to it if I find the right man. I would date someone who wants to have kids because I may decide down the road that I’m ready.

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
10:08 am

Running errands….toddles

Leggs

December 7th, 2012
10:19 am

Good morning.

Glad Diva posted that video. I saw it yesterday wondering why he stayed 5 years knowing she never wanted children. Pretty sure they had the convo over and over again. I was thinking it’s not always the woman who stays hoping he would change his mind. I think the best part of the song was telling their friends they don’t have to choose between the two and they can still invite them to events and they will deal with being in the presence of each other.

Celisea ~ I remember the storyline on The Bert Show. She was baffled as to why he didn’t want to continue seeing her after she told him the truth. Hell, to start out with such a huge lie like that, how can one trust you going forward.

I’m playing hooky today.

czBrat ♀

December 7th, 2012
10:22 am

c, can you run mine while you’re out?
please and thank you!

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
10:23 am

Leggs – No matter the situation (cause it may not be “considered” bad), you should always start off with the truth. You just never know how easily that’s digested versus someone finding out subsequently about all your issues…

Okay I’m gone for real…

Fantabulous Friday!!!

Celisea

December 7th, 2012
10:24 am

czBrat – LOL…sure Whatcha need?

BBL

disco

December 7th, 2012
10:31 am

good morning. I had to go back and re-read the topic. guess I missed the question. as for wanting babies or whatever I could say that you want what you want and all that but I’ll go further and say that as adults we know or should know that it’s not always about we want. I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive for what you want but sometimes in life you simply get what you get. if you are lucky/fortunate/blessed what you get and what you want turn out to be the same thing.

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
10:31 am

Happy Friday, Blog Gang!!

Unless they started dating in high school, 5 years is a very long time to date and not be on the same page about something so major. No, you don’t bring up marriage and babies on the first few dates, but I think it needs to be brought up rather early though. That should be one of those big, in general, things you throw out when getting to know someone and you think you’d like to pursue something further than a one-night or fwb thing with them. I don’t want to/can’t have kids, never want to marry, I’m ___ religion and not converting from it or I’m atheist, I’m an illegal immigrant, I’m HIV positive, I have ___ kids whether you have custody or not, I am ex-con – these are some of the biggies I think you ought to just throw out there and be upfront about.

I’ve been in the situation with someone who did not want kids and I did. He told me after we’d been dating a year and the day before he was scheduled to have a vasectomy, which he ended up not going thru with. It was heartbreaking, but I had to move on.

No, the person will not change their mind and yes, no matter how it’s handled, resentment will be there down the line if one party did not at least try to go for their heart’s desire.

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
10:33 am

Disco/Leggs – Did you watch Scandal last week and last night? Please say you did! If not, we can hold off our opinions until after the weekend! :)

disco

December 7th, 2012
10:42 am

kimmie – I did

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
10:43 am

Plus, depending on the age of the folks involved, mainly the lady, when it comes to having kids time is of the essence. Dragging her along while he makes up his mind about having kids or not is very selfish. She may get to where she either can’t conceive or it will be difficult.

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
10:47 am

Where is everybody???

disco

December 7th, 2012
10:50 am

kimmie – my take on scandal is two fold. the last really good episode was when the killers got together. last week’s shooting made me want to check back in but I admit I was disappointed with last night’s episode (and after I got off of a decent phone call and stayed up past my bedtime to watch it). I’m fed up with Olivia crying every episode too. I know that’s trivial but it bothers me. I’m still feeling the show but not as much as I was. I’m thinking I need huck and Columbus short (forget character name) to keep my attention. the chicks on the show mostly annoy me.

Single and Happy Thunderous Thursday

December 7th, 2012
11:02 am

Kimmie from my experience, while I didn’t have a problem with having kids (just was very very low on my list), I figured out after being with them awhile I didn’t want to have kids with them. Was accused of dragging them along.

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 7th, 2012
11:02 am

Slim raising her hand I’m is here, I’m is kind, I’m is smart, I’m is important ;-)

Leggs

December 7th, 2012
11:08 am

kimmie ~ I recorded it, will watch it later today.

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
11:08 am

I figured out after being with them awhile I didn’t want to have kids with them. Was accused of dragging them along.

Single – And this is a part of the game a person has to learn to recognize. Your example was with kids, but it could be anything, like marriage. Sometimes they do want to marry, just don’t want to marry YOU. The sooner one can recognize this in the other person and adjust, the sooner they can avoid being played and move on to someone they are more suited to.

disco

December 7th, 2012
11:09 am

slim – that line always makes me think “fat and ugly”. I know. I embraced the wrong message. lol.

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
11:13 am

Disco – The hollering has gotten old with Olivia, I agree. The minute she starts that trembling I’m like “here we go again”!!

Without giving away to Leggs, while last night was not as riviting as I hoped, I could appreciate the background info it provided on Olivia & the Prez relationship.

I got a question to ask you & Leggs after Leggs watches it, about Millie.

Bluzgirl

December 7th, 2012
11:14 am

Last night, I sat down with my DVR and watched the “Catfish” from Monday night. This girl had a “relationship” with a man, but all they did was text. He supposedly lived 15 minutes from her here in Atlanta. They only had two brief phone conversations. Come to find out, the person behind it was a woman who was trying to get her back for messing with her man a couple of years ago. It was crazy!!! That brings it back to…how can you have feelings for someone after just texting for 2 years?!?! SMH

SlimNu: Life always happens

December 7th, 2012
11:14 am

disco – Well fat and ugly don’t live here….anymore :lol: Speaking of ugly, I brought in some old pics of me to work yesterday. Man oh man did i have that phase in my pre-teen age where I was like Ewwwwwwww. I can’t believe I used to look like that, metal mouth and all. :shock:

Single and Happy Thunderous Thursday

December 7th, 2012
11:15 am

Kimmie folks do it all the time, meet up, talk about wanting to be married, wanting kids, then do it, and figure out later they really weren’t on the same page because their views were really different about the whole thing.

Exiled!

December 7th, 2012
11:15 am

I laugh when I hear anybody,women especially, say,”we luv each other”…..why speak for the other person even when they are ur current SO…worse when they are an EX….

If he says, ‘I luv you’ in your face,fine but dont be going out to the world and say,” we luv each other”

I just think its lame….

“Queen luves me”…. :lol: Quit that Meelo….

All i know is shes married to me and if she tells me she luvs me in my face…ALL good.

I aint gon Come here and say,Queen luvs me”…..why??

:lol:

Hey…but hey,,what ever floats ur boat! :lol:

IJS……….

Leggs

December 7th, 2012
11:18 am

I have a friend who wants to marry, after being with her man for 11 years, 11 freaking years, he wrote her a letter saying he never wants to get marry and he wish her the best. I read the letter and there was no love in that letter, more like a business letter letting a partner go from the firm. She moved out because he told her he was selling the house.

Here’s the clincher, he lost the house and she let him move in with her because she didn’t want to see him on the street. WHAT!!! He’s a grown man. She’s a better person than I. That mo fo would have to sleep in his car before he moved in with me.

Single and Happy Thunderous Thursday

December 7th, 2012
11:22 am

leggs, her first mistake was moving in without getting married if that’s what she wanted. If she didn’t want to see him on the street, go in the other direction!!

Single and Happy Thunderous Thursday

December 7th, 2012
11:22 am

leggs, her first mistake was moving in without getting married if that’s what she wanted. If she didn’t want to see him on the street, go in the other direction!!

Leggs

December 7th, 2012
11:25 am

Had to laugh at “go in the other direction.” I wholeheartedly agree!!!

Exiled!

December 7th, 2012
11:26 am

I tink she is a bter person than throwing a man she was with for 11 years, ouit on the street. Wld throwing him out on the street atone for him not wanting to marry.

I would also hazard a guess and say that that was not the first time he disclosed his view to her..what happened after 1 year, 2 years,….5…let alone 11 years.

As long as she has accepted her portion of the blame in the whole 11 years of living together with him, she can easily take care of him as a friend or just another person,the same way she could if she felt that way for a stranger, untill he gets to grips with his situation.

Thrwing the man OUT on the street due to vindictiveness will chew her hurt more than it will heal it.

IJS….

disco

December 7th, 2012
11:27 am

leggs – re old boy sleeping in his car. to that I say “sho you right”.

s/h – I won’t necessarily call moving in her mistake. quite frankly I tell chicks all the time that if they have to shack they should move in with dude before they are so quick to move dudes in with them. seems like so many men move in with women and consistently move from woman to woman. I tell chicks all the time, these men aren’t the problem, the women who enable these men are the problem.

kimmie

December 7th, 2012
11:28 am

Single – Your 11:15, yep, that’s just part of the game!

Leggs – Have you spoken about Ms 11 years before on here? Lord, I wish I could grab her right now and shake the sh– out of her!! :shock:

Leggs

December 7th, 2012
11:30 am

kimmie ~ I going to watch Scandal right now and turn Jerry Springer off (lol).