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Do women prefer to be dominated?

I once heard a woman say that dating a man that allows her to walk all over him can be a major turn off. While she wants a nice guy, she does not want a doormat. She prefers a man that can exert some dominance over her and won’t let her get away with anything.

I can see her point when she refers to not dating a doormat, but wanting a man to dominate you seems like a slippery slope. What kind of boundaries would you want to have? How do you know when the man’s dominance goes beyond a “healthy” dominance and gets eerily close to the scary kind?

I am not referring to the sexy Christian Grey/Anastasia kind of arrangement, here. (I am sorry for making a Fifty Shades of Gray reference, forgive me?) I am talking about having an adult relationship with one dominating partner – the man, having most of the power in a relationship.

Ladies, do you think that you prefer some degree of dominance over you? Would you get bored by a man that “let’s you walk all over him?”

Men – in your experience, do you get a favorable response when you exert your masculine energy in a relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

289 comments Add your comment

Sara

December 5th, 2012
6:10 am

I draw the line at a lil’ hair pulling….

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
7:14 am

Let’s just say this, aside from the kid’s dad, I’ve only date quiet natured gentile dudes….always. It’s what seem to connect with me. I’m fine with that, but just know that’s nothing to do with a no nonsense dude……which is my preference. No nonsense, yet sensitive and kind, possessing much backbone. Moisy, weepy, overly sensitive JUST IRKS THE HECK OUT OF ME!!!! That will get you X’ed with the quickness…..for real. So, dominating I don’t know so much, but manly and ALWAYS taking/carrying the lead? YEP YEP YEP…..all relationship long.

Alright. I’m working a half day and I’m off for vacay! :) I asked my dude why he didn’t say something and y’all would trip over his little smirky remark. That’s okay….lol….he’s gon need

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
7:18 am

ooops….hit enter by mistake…

I was saying “he’s gon need something from me” lolol Something along the lines of had he spent the night…..blah blah blah….lol I’m soooooo fond of him! :mrgreen:

lee

December 5th, 2012
7:21 am

I dont think anyone likes a doormat. Nothing wrong with a take charge kind of guy, i like that. I don’t want to be dominated like i don’t have a mind of my own.
i would make a list but i am out of time, time for work.ugh

oddmanout

December 5th, 2012
7:34 am

Morning!

This topic here….Here is the way I see it. If you want to be dominated by your man then let him dominate. You cant say “Oh, I want I dominate man, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” then turn around not like it when he dominates. Make up your mind.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 5th, 2012
7:58 am

Total domination over a woman is sissyfied to me, anyone dominating a weaker person no matter the gender is trying to hide their own weaknesses. Some women don’t do well without being controlled, some know how to push back. Nah I don’t need woman I have to tell when to sit down or be quite, just give me the same respect I give her.

Good Morning:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 5th, 2012
8:17 am

Let me be PC when I mention sissyfied @7:58 I’m not referring to anyone in the GLBT community.

LeeH1

December 5th, 2012
8:32 am

Let’s turn this around- men like dumb and ignorant bimbos who are so stupid that the men can order them around, use them up then throw them away!

Sound sexist? Well, ladies, that is your problem. You want men to be less dominating and controlling, yet you still demand it of your partners and sons.

I’ll tell you what. Figure out what the hell you want from men, and then someday let us all know.

BTW, most women don’t really want men to be dominate. They only want them to take all the responsibility. No authority, just obligations. Jeez!

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
8:43 am

Hello All

She prefers a man that can exert some dominance over her and won’t let her get away with anything”.
What are we children, why is she trying to get away with something.

I’m going to be me, it is what it is. Don’t know if it comes off dominate, or wimpy.

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
8:46 am

LeeH1 BTW, most women don’t really want men to be dominate. They only want them to take all the responsibility. No authority, just obligations. Jeez!
I’ll let you be in control when I want you to be in control!! So who’s really in control??

HST

December 5th, 2012
8:54 am

A man not letting a woman get away with anything is no different than a woman not letting a man get away with anything. Any mature person doesn’t want to dominate their partner, because it’s their character that they adore. Keeping each other in line is a healthy relationship.

It seems most of the examples used out here for topics of discussion are that of people with behavioral problems.

Leggs

December 5th, 2012
9:08 am

Sara ~ nothing wrong with a lil hair pulling, but I’ll draw the line at choking for pleasure.

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be dominated by another. To give up your free will to another, who does that (absent jailbirds).

Morning!

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
9:14 am

I come back up in here and wow….is that testosterone I smell? LOL

I don’t know about the chick Diva is referring to but I like a leader, not a slave master or abuser or a dude dominating me.

Maybe Diva should have selected a different word. The word dominate seemed to have set of a round of fire this morning…whew!!

Button

December 5th, 2012
9:16 am

Good morning, to me domineering is when the guy take charge of the relationship -the head huncho. Nothing wrong with that in my book, he should lead as long as it’s going in the right direction. Some men are wimps when it comes to relating. They will say yes to everything just to appease the women and that’s not attractive in my book. Give me a man who’s yes is yes and his no is no and I’m good.

Recovering Unavailable

December 5th, 2012
9:18 am

I am a strong woman who lives alone and doesn’t mind it. However, I do seek advice often from friends and family and because my physical condition is a bit compromised I have to ask for help doing certain things that I cannot manage. I feel more comfortable with a take charge type, who has complete self confidence without rubbing my nose in it. I do not appreciate a man who is overly dominate in that I have to report every move I make and where I’ve been, and why it took me so long to call. That is smothering in my book. No thanks.

MsAtl

December 5th, 2012
9:23 am

Morning All!

Notwithstanding that I would not attempt to walk all over a man, I would not want a man that “allows” me to walk over him. That said, I want a nice, respectful gentleman. I have no desire for “thugs” or “roughnecks” and would not want a man to try to dominate me.

O/T- Today is my Friday. Woo Hoo!

disco

December 5th, 2012
9:24 am

good morning.

sara – hair pulling can be good. lol.

celisea – “fond”. lol. that’s so cute. how often do you hear folks say they are fond of someone.

on topic – I’m not ever going to be totally dominated. bump that. having said that, doormats need not apply. who really has time for a punk azz. I’m not rasputia and I’m not looking for norbit. I’ve always known that I needed a man that can check me and have me pull back and accept being checked. that’s not to say he’s regulating like I’m a 5 year old, just saying he knows how to reign me in. let’s face it. I’m a piece of work.

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
9:25 am

disco – Not sure how often you hear it, but you heard it today :mrgreen:

MsAtl

December 5th, 2012
9:27 am

Disco- Thanks for the morning laugh (Rasputia)! I watched that movie a few weeks ago. I have no problem with, and in fact welcome, a man who can lead and take charge. In my opinion, there is a difference between taking charge and dominating.

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
9:29 am

I find it endearing (there’s a word for you), that you take the time to read my posts. Me? Some folks I skip over…..lol I might to back and read if what they posted sparks a drizzle of convo. Okay, let me fix that…some folks I’ll skim over and some folks, I find interesting and like to read their posts. :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 5th, 2012
9:31 am

Leggs some women like those jail birds. I told ya’ll about the lady I was dating briefly who’s ex husband got out of jail. She flicked me to the side and brought him back into her home. Less than 2 weeks went by the dude was gone again, she then called me to see if we could continue dating. WTF! :???:

disco

December 5th, 2012
9:33 am

ms. atl – I watched it when my niece was visiting so it was still fresh in my mind.

Exiled!

December 5th, 2012
9:39 am

There is nothing wrong with a woman that wants to be dominated if thats what she wants……its a free country!

I have observed married men who seem like they are dominated by their women….not for me but if they like it..its all good.
Growing up,in my street,there used to be this family,mum was HUGE, with a booming voice that you would here boomeranging in the streets if she was talking some other person nearby…she was a dominating wife…..small husband..lol. Its life.

I would luv to be abused in bed…totally dominated and thrown about and ordered to do stuff..as long as im sticking it guuuud eventually….
Too bad Queen is such a cowering,doveish and expectant recepient in that department!!! :lol:

And oghhhh,Dominate me?..Your mother! :lol:

disco

December 5th, 2012
9:55 am

I finally saw flight last night. didn’t think much of the movie past the initial crash scene but denzel may have been on to something. the whole concept of coming to work under the influence doesn’t sound so bad. if I had a flask in my purse right now it would be on and popping.

Exiled!

December 5th, 2012
9:56 am

whatchu fav drank Disco?

Leggs

December 5th, 2012
10:01 am

BF ~ I do remember that. That’s a special kind of women to swallow her dignity and call another man up after kicking him to the curb for another man.

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:01 am

Ex, that’s the only dominating that needs to be going on :-D

Button, is he a yes man because he’s afraid to say no, or is it because your request are okay with him and hasn’t felt a need to say no?

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:03 am

Leggs, she got back with her man that just got out of jail, what dignity does she have to swallow?

Sara

December 5th, 2012
10:03 am

Squeeze my tush, really no need to spank it….

disco

December 5th, 2012
10:06 am

ex – whatever has the highest percentage of alcohol in it.

S/H, leggs – I don’t think it was a dignity thing with old girl. she was just trying to keep a rotation going. she’s the type that will wait for her man while he’s locked up, she’s just not going to be faithful while she’s waiting.

Leggs

December 5th, 2012
10:15 am

Single ~ are you saying women who wait for their men to get out of jail don’t have dignity. Sounds like you’re implying they’re dumb for waiting for them.

I’ll stick with dignity/pride. To do what she did was disrespectful so she had to have known that and put herself out there to look like an idiot. To me, that’s throwing your dignity out the window.

disco ~ I got the impression she wanted to be with her man once he got out but he didn’t want to be with her.

Bluzgirl

December 5th, 2012
10:17 am

The only time I will let a man dominate me is in the bedroom. There is no dominating me. A relationship is about equal partnership. No one should dominate the other.

As far as a doormat…can’t do that either. My ex fiance was a doormat and it got old. The Young One seems to be a doormat and that is a huge turn off for me. I want someone who will challenge me…not let me walk all over him.

Side note…every time I have typed doormat, I’ve had to correct it because I typed doorman! LOL

Button

December 5th, 2012
10:17 am

Oh Exile, you never miss a beat! lol
Single, I would hope he’s not afraid to say no but just saying yes because he’s okay with my request.

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:20 am

Leggs, in my opinion, yes they are, unless they went on some false charges, not because they got “set up”. How many men do you see waiting for their woman to get out of prison? unless it’s their pimp. The man should care enough about his woman to go legit so he doesn’t have to worry about going to jail.

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:21 am

Bluz, what are you doing to walk all over them?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 5th, 2012
10:22 am

disco you’re on to something there, that woman following me around town. She went to one of my friends house asking him had he seen me. I took a lot of ribbing from my friends over that woman.

Leggs

December 5th, 2012
10:22 am

“The only time I will let a man dominate me is in the bedroom. There is no dominating me. A relationship is about equal partnership. No one should dominate the other.”

Bluz ~ you need to print this in a bigger font, laminate it and tape it to your bathroom mirror!

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
10:23 am

told ya’ll about the lady I was dating briefly who’s ex husband got out of jail. She flicked me to the side and brought him back into her home. Less than 2 weeks went by the dude was gone again, she then called me to see if we could continue dating

As long as he’s in and out of jail, she’ll be in and out and between dudes….IMO Seems like that’s the kind of woman he’s got. There are plenty women that will run around on their men with the quickness. Especially if it’s a setup where she’ll NEVER be caught (i.e. him being incarcerated). Maybe it’s the inability to hold out, cause some just gotta have it or maybe it’s the wondering heart thing.

Leggs

December 5th, 2012
10:25 am

It’s your opinion, Single, so I can’t dispute it. And, there are probably men who wait on their women too. Don’t care about the percentage, but bet it happens!

Celisea

December 5th, 2012
10:27 am

I said…. Especially if it’s a setup where she’ll NEVER be caught

Honestly, there are so many that won’t ever get caught and nope, they’re dude ain’t locked up. Sometimes “game” tips in favor of the woman cause many expect it from men.

Button

December 5th, 2012
10:28 am

Dominate and submit are curse words when it comes to relationships lol

Bluzgirl

December 5th, 2012
10:29 am

S/H – I wouldn’t say I’m doing anything to walk over them. I guess they are more of “yes” men. I remember trying to get my ex fiance to fight with me, just to see how we fight…he would always agree with me. I know I could walk all over the Young One, but I’m not going to. I’m not that type of person…

Leggs – I know, right? LOL! Let’s just say that I’m not the same woman I have been. I will no longer tolerate a man who tries to walk all over and use me. Nope…never again!

kimmie

December 5th, 2012
10:30 am

Morning All!

Don’t like the word DOMINATE at all! Having said that, I have never liked weak doormat men, or the female equivalent of that as friends. Some men are not suited for a leadership/head of household role and that’s fine, just not for me. My husband is the head of our home. He also respects me and my opinion. We have a happy home.

A dude never LET me do anything once I grew up and my daddy finished raising me.

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:31 am

Leggs, my thing is, Woman lives with a drug dealer, they have children. The excuse for it is, he’s doing what he’s got to do to take care of his family. He gets locked up, they take everything, he’s gone for 10 years, who’s supposed to take care of his family then? Now she waits on him. and sometimes it’s a never ending cycle.

Bluzgirl

December 5th, 2012
10:34 am

S/H – Funny you say that example. A friend of a friend was recently locked up on serious drug charges. He has a wife and a baby at home. She didn’t mind what he was doing because he made a lot of money and she had a nice lifestyle. BUT…he got caught. Will be interesting to see if she waits for him. She did stay with him when he cheated on her with my friend for a couple of years. She probably will wait, but she’ll b*tch and moan about not being able to live the same way while he’s locked up.

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:35 am

Bluz, I’ve been with someone that would start arguments just for the sake of starting them, that isht gets old real quick.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 5th, 2012
10:35 am

Leggs correct he didn’t want no more to do with her than have a good meal and place to sleep at night. What pissed me off she knew I was coming over and didn’t bother to call and say her ex husband was there. (This was before cell phone popularity) She could have called my house phone and told me and I wouldn’t have wasted time and gas or looked stupid standing at her front door………..LOL

Single and Happy Wondrous Wednesday

December 5th, 2012
10:38 am

Bluz real life, seen it happen plenty of times.

Exiled!

December 5th, 2012
10:39 am

Dominate and submit

@Button…either u or me dont know the bible..Celisea wil tell us…but

I think Submit is in the bible as an “instruction” to women to submit to ther mens.

Wrong?

Now I know, some new age women is gon come behind me and say this is the what century..blah blah blah….and the bile is old…

It says Women obey your mens as well….

Men got this!

Leggs

December 5th, 2012
10:40 am

I understand your example, Single. In that case she may be foolish for waiting, but it’s her choice. To me, she would look more foolish if she remained faithful to him while waiting. Now, that’s crazy. I’m just saying some good men get caught up, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’ve never dated anyone in jail so I’m simply talking out the side of my neck. Everyone in jail is not a bad seed.