Substance over superficial?
My friend Panama participated in a relationship panel that listed “substance over superficial” as part of a man’s wish list. I won’t come out and call shenanigans on this title completely, because women are known to be superficial creatures too. However, I want to know how many men can truly say they value substance more than superficial things?
I have seen a lot of men who get blinded by the beauty and completely overlook glaring red flags. When they learn the woman’s character is horrendous, do they take their lesson and choose better the next time? If so, what age do you think men become more enlightened?
When we tout all the things that are meaningful traits that would contribute to a lasting, long relationship, are we putting all that above the physical? Obviously we want the both of best worlds: personality and looks, but what is more important?
How many people have you asked out or dated strictly on their looks? If you had prior knowledge someone that you were attracted to is a raging jerk, would that turn you off enough to keep it moving?
Basically, what I want to know is..how superficial are you? If you were to rate your superficial number based on 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being SHALLOW HAL.
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
261 comments Add your comment
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
2:48 pm
Got a question for you when you come back.
Lady~sunshine
December 4th, 2012
2:48 pm
C you are a riot! smh lol too funny!
characters are amusing!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
December 4th, 2012
2:50 pm
“gorgeous”
Cely no I’m not booed up yet, and would never would do a switcharoo. I’m trying to get a grip on this phone introduction she wants me to send her a picture of me.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
2:50 pm
Lady – I’m serious if he is…I think it would be cool, us all having sitting around and getting better acquainted
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
2:51 pm
Blackfoote – You know you’re good with me
Handle yo business. Might be your Christmas snuggle bunny!!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
December 4th, 2012
2:56 pm
It’s time for me to skip on out of this camp. Cely I’ll hit you up on email tomorrow.
Terrance
December 4th, 2012
2:56 pm
Older Women FTW, not into women my age or younger, kinda like that wild side done and gone, thank you.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 4th, 2012
3:00 pm
The 20th is the Thursday before my touch-up. NOT gonna be a good hair day
Cel – I just did my touch up Friday and I really dreaded even getting started. I’d like to go natural but after I was done, i’m like whew, it’s so much more manageable.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:02 pm
Blackfoote – Cool…just whenever you get a minute. Seeing we have birthdays the same day, maybe we can exchange gifts or something
Slim – You ain’t never lied. I’ve done my own touch-up here and there over the years and that’s the hardest thing to do. But yeah, after it’s done it’s allll good
Lady~sunshine
December 4th, 2012
3:02 pm
keep me posted! bye y’all
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:02 pm
No way I could do natural unless I cut it off off.
Willie Dynamite
December 4th, 2012
3:05 pm
Afternoon all,
Long time no blog.
Topic- I would prolly rate myself a 8 on whether I’m superficial. Honestly I like pretty women and I somehow am attracted to that. It probably moreso is the challenge in my mind as I am only a regular average dude, some days extra regular. On the flip side I am full of substance and require the same. After a few good convo’s a knockout chick would get weighed and measured whether its a conquest or really get to know them.
My wife is a real pretty chick and I/we occasionally get the “how did he get her” question. My ego usually answers with “I happen to be a helluva ninja that’s how” hahaha
disco
December 4th, 2012
3:06 pm
hmmm. we back on hair? I’m thinking of changing colors. this brown is getting played out.
Bluzgirl
December 4th, 2012
3:14 pm
Go for it disco!!! I gotta color my hair soon…my grays are showing!!!
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
3:14 pm
Disco – I wanna leave my hair alone for now, just trying to grow my chin length bob back. But I want to do something different, kinda out of the box for me. I’m toying with getting a 2nd hole in my ear or a tattoo!
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
3:16 pm
“My wife is a real pretty chick and I/we occasionally get the “how did he get her” question.”
What’s up, Willie D? How’s it going my friend? Maaaan, I get those looks ↑ all the time when I’m out with the Mrs. I usually just give them a little nod like, “That’s right… I get to f__k this, hater.”
disco
December 4th, 2012
3:17 pm
bluz – I am going for it. I’ve been “tobacco” (translation brown) for a couple of years. I’m thinking of a black with a cherry rinse.
kimmie – my hair is thriving right now. I don’t wear it “out” much but when stretched it comes past my chin/shoulders. I wear it flat twisted and pinned up so much that folks think I’m weaved or wigged when it’s out.
disco
December 4th, 2012
3:18 pm
WD/swiss – y’all are confirming what I was kind of dancing around earlier. how men usually manage to date/marry up (at least physically).
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:22 pm
disco – I think you missed the mark on this one. That’s what we or I was saying. It’s not “marrying up” per se. For a couple to appear to be seemingly mixmatch is usually folks (not say you…per se), that are hung up on looks. But if they work well together and thrive and vibe, it’s a perfect match.
I think the person named “courtide” or something like that missed it too. I mean who says eight or nothing….unless you’re like 20 something. And the age has nothing to do with settling or taking less, it has to do with growing and coming into what matters. I think Jake said once he got older, attaction was much bigger than he initially thought….at least that’s what I thought he was saying.
Bluzgirl
December 4th, 2012
3:22 pm
disco – I don’t know what you look like, but I like the idea of the black with a cherry rinse. Lately, I’ve been trying to get close to my natural color of medium brown. I used to do reds a lot, but it starts to look brassy after a while. Earlier this year (after the break up), I colored my hair black and it is finally almost out of my hair! I cut off about 6 inches a couple of weeks ago, so that got most of it.
Bluzgirl
December 4th, 2012
3:24 pm
Going back to the “settling as you get older,” I feel as though my standards are getting a little higher as I get older. I’ve settled too much and have learned what I do NOT want in a relationship. No way will I settle…
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:24 pm
Don’t get me wrong, eight is great!! But to say eight or nothing is mighty big. You better be a 10 or better if all or nothing. I think us regular folks like eights, will take an eight, could be an eight, but in reality we nothing sometimes that eight end up being a zero and you cut your chances hugely by doing the eight or nothing.
Now, I’m an all or nothing gal, but that’s got nothing to do with the looks-o-meter.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:24 pm
“we know that” not “we nothing”
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
3:24 pm
disco — Well now, not to sell myself too short here — I’m not exactly Quasimodo.
But Mrs. Swiss is hot enough that she could get literally anybody she wanted. Luckily for me, she wanted more than just pure physical appearance — she wanted physical appearance plus a little extra, which opens the door for moi.
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
3:26 pm
And the age has nothing to do with settling or taking less, it has to do with growing and coming into what matters.
Celisea – You ain’t never lied. I just got to where I was less and less tolerant of BS. So I would say I got a lot more choosy as I got older. Heck, I figured I went that long, may as well go for exactly what I wanted and needed!
disco
December 4th, 2012
3:26 pm
C – I was saying the same thing but from the shallow perspective of folks on the outside looking in. no more, no less. not taking personality or anything else into consideration, just looks. like the folks WD and swiss are talking about don’t know anything about the people, they just know what they see.
Willie Dynamite
December 4th, 2012
3:26 pm
Swiss- what’s up man? Your time is almost up Bruh. Few more weeks and you will be puddy and sleep deprived at the same dayum time.
Disco- I don’t know what you were dancing around earlier but I must say the Mrs may have came up as well. IJS
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:28 pm
Kimmie – Iggg zackly. My BS-o-meter have always been leaning on the other side. Shoot, I don’t even know how to tolerate BS. But I agree, as you get older, if you’ve been one to try and be understanding or go along, bump that mess. You start telling folks to kick rocks without looking back to see how they took it….lololol
disco
December 4th, 2012
3:29 pm
bluz – I’m not bold with hair color. typically it’s black or it’s brown. I’ll do a rinse but you can hardly see that unless the light hits it just right.
swiss – not exactly Quasimodo? you know one could take that a few ways. lol.
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
3:31 pm
“Your time is almost up Bruh.”
Willie D — Maaaaaan, you know I’m already losing sleep from being nervous, and already on a severe puddy ration from having a 8+ months preggers Mrs. It’s just a couple more weeks until dirty diapers, spit-up and middle of the night crying gets piled on top of it…
Whew! Serenity now!
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
3:34 pm
You start telling folks to kick rocks without looking back to see how they took it….lololol
So very true. I have less ability to tolerate crap from anybody.
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
3:36 pm
Cel..here!!
had gon to pick the kid at school
whaeeeet up!??
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
3:36 pm
Swiss – I’m so excited for you!! And I’m happy it’s a girl, cause I’m bout sick of all these folk around me having boys!!
My hubs has 4 nephews and only one had a girl. Needless to say she steals the show every time she’s around, with her sweet little one year old self!!
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
3:38 pm
swiss ~ words you’ll probably throw out the window, but true love/understanding will have those 6 weeks flying by. Now, hopefully you aren’t the type to pressure her into doing something way before those 6 weeks only to turn around and find her preggo again.
disco
December 4th, 2012
3:39 pm
kimmie – I want everyone to have boys. the daughter of a friend of mine has 5 boys. she mistakenly believed that baby number 5 was going to be a girl. in the delivery room when she realized it was a girl she cried and cried and cried. her mom and I still laugh about that.
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
3:41 pm
Cel..u better hurry up..i got a live soccer match coming up….
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
3:42 pm
disco ~ I used to work with a woman who was determined to have a boy. She had 7 girls and was stopping until she had a boy. Finally, the 8th child was a boy child. Can’t even imagine 2 miniature adults coming out of me!
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
3:43 pm
disco – It might be better that most are having boys. There are so many cute things for baby girls. I remember when my nieces were born I almost went broke! Didn’t go as broke for the 4 nephews, sorry!!
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
3:44 pm
kimmie — The little one’s crib was just delivered today, so I’ll be putting it together tonight. The rest of her nursery furniture is being delivered Thursday. I just finished painting (baby pink, of course) and putting up the curtains in her room this weekend. Now just waiting on the little diva to arrive…
Leggs — 6 weeks can kick rocks. Mrs. Swiss is having a c-section, so that should speed up that back-to-fuggin’ recovery time a bit…
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:47 pm
Mmeello – You gonna be here when we meet up? Thought maybe you’d like to join, since here of late you’ve become our blog commentator. You know I say that with love, right?
Jake-SPJTWB
December 4th, 2012
3:47 pm
Yeah Celisea, it was something like that…as I have matured, my perspective on beauty has changed in many ways. I like’em a little thicker than I used too, natural or permed is fine, light or dark, busty or just a mouthful, stalks or big thighs, just depends on her presentation..and speaking of presentation.
I like a woman who maintains her grey well, its sexy too, all that coloring, but I understand that most women seldom find the same comfort in aging that men do. Its winter, got my grey’s on full display.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:49 pm
I have a great niece on the way.
I was babysitting my two great nephews last night…I’m just sooo fond of them. 
They’re getting a babysister soon.
There’s also a couple at my church that’s just had a new baby and wouldn’t know, lil ole me makes a beeline everychance I get to talk and play with her. She’s soooooo adorable and so little and sooo cute. She’s got deep dimples too! Her mom was busy after church Sunday so I changed her Pamper. How bout I was struggling and put in on backwards…lol It’s been many many moons since I changed a Pamper. Hope she didn’t end up wetting her blankets in the babyseat all cause I did it wrong. lololol
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
3:50 pm
I hope so, swiss. I had a C-section and 6 weeks was out of the question!
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:51 pm
Jake – Good post, your 3:47….exactly. I got a few grays peeking through and as of know, I don’t plan on coloring. I want my stylist to use Shimmer Lights to keep them silver the more they come in.
My thing is, like I tried to say yesterday…aging beautifully is nothing to be ashamed of. I say embrace it…lol
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
3:52 pm
I suspect so Celisea..this is christmas so any assignment they might have, ima refuse it…and have a relaxed December…they will have to fire me.. lol
let me know the details… errrrrr, i dont do sea food that much so…..dont give me an excuse to decline.. lol…
And gimme me advance notice so i get a new wardrobe….lol..my superficial index just went up
okay Celisea..on board
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
3:53 pm
Meello – See that’s why I like you. Your post make me smile. Keeping it real. Don’t be bsing me now. You got my addy and I have yours. I’ll keep you posted.
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
3:53 pm
“I had a C-section and 6 weeks was out of the question!”
Leggs — Y’all just need to woman up!
I had a friggin’ nut removed and I was back to f__king less than a week later. 
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
3:57 pm
Jake, had a question for u..u got a basketball playing son right?
my son is 7 and just starting….u think its worth it for me to invest in that hoop ring for the drive way?
just spend $60 yesterday on soccer and basket ball and the ring is costing $130 to $250 wally wally price..its hitting my pocket…
u think its good to sppend that money on this..im conflicted…
what u think?
I asked the boy str8 up..”u wanna do this” my eyes blood shot coz man…i dont know
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
3:58 pm
Well I’m not ashamed of aging, but I hate my gray so I fight it kicking and screaming!!LOL!!
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
3:58 pm