Substance over superficial?
My friend Panama participated in a relationship panel that listed “substance over superficial” as part of a man’s wish list. I won’t come out and call shenanigans on this title completely, because women are known to be superficial creatures too. However, I want to know how many men can truly say they value substance more than superficial things?
I have seen a lot of men who get blinded by the beauty and completely overlook glaring red flags. When they learn the woman’s character is horrendous, do they take their lesson and choose better the next time? If so, what age do you think men become more enlightened?
When we tout all the things that are meaningful traits that would contribute to a lasting, long relationship, are we putting all that above the physical? Obviously we want the both of best worlds: personality and looks, but what is more important?
How many people have you asked out or dated strictly on their looks? If you had prior knowledge someone that you were attracted to is a raging jerk, would that turn you off enough to keep it moving?
Basically, what I want to know is..how superficial are you? If you were to rate your superficial number based on 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being SHALLOW HAL.
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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261 comments Add your comment
disco
December 4th, 2012
10:28 am
dushawn – wasn’t there a song that said “if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, find an ugly woman and make her your wife”? I know my mom/aunts clown some of my male cousins when they bring the homely girls around and they ran through the homely girls. thing was those chicks loved their dirty draws.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
December 4th, 2012
10:28 am
The best time for me is the 13th, got all kinds of corporate and holiday shindings happening.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
10:29 am
Blackfoote, the 13th might work for me.
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
10:30 am
DuShawn ~ perhaps you lacked substance in you didn’t want to be seen with her on your arm, but you did appreciate/admire her substance for wanting such a shallow person at the time (lol). I somewhat kid because you two did enjoy each other way before knocking boots and interlocking toes. That says a lot when a man and woman can lay in bed and talk and not pay attention to the porn movie (lolol).
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
December 4th, 2012
10:32 am
Name a spot.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
10:35 am
Seafood….anywhere I’ll let you pick a spot. You might say I’m hordy tordy….lol
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
10:36 am
Lady – You coming with us?
Courtside Seats...For watching the action....
December 4th, 2012
10:40 am
Ok…..so out of all of the folks here, I am the only person that is willing to admit that my shallow index is in the eight or none range???? If I knew anyof you at all I would be tempted to call BS but since I don’t…….. In all seriousness, hard to imagine that with all of the thoughts and views that I read here daily, everyone here always forgoes style in favor of substance. Seems like there would be alot more long term relationships in this town if that were the case……
Lee
December 4th, 2012
10:40 am
Is that right Single? Lol
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
10:41 am
nah…i disagree Leggs….
when a man has to kahuns or the i dont care attitude(without even thinking of it in tose terms) then he wants the person for what and who she is…
but as long as u keep it indoors,avoiding the greater open crowd,there is till shallowness there….
men will do that tho…..for bootey……
well i guess women too, since it takes 2 to curl toes!
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
10:43 am
the kahunas
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
10:48 am
Morning Gang!
I also rate superficiality on more than just looks. It is ones general attitude. This person always has to have the latest whatever name-brand, and are too busy trying to see & be seen and keep up with the Jones. They look down their nose at others, yet have nothing to offer the world themselves.
Of course, if a dude doesn’t treat me right, is stupid and irresponsible, shows no concern for his fellow man, lazy, etc, it does not matter how good looking he is. That’s a no-brainer.
People, male and female, may hook up with someone temporarily that only has the superficial going for them, but to actually get into something long term would just be stupid. Folks are known to do that though.
I have always been attracted to how a man carries himself. That’s what I find attractive about men like Denzel, Idris, Barack – their smooth swagger. Yes, there are men that may be more attractive physically, but if they don’t have that swag, that confidence, that intelligence, that smoothness, well, they just gotta have that to turn my head. Some pretty boy with a stank attitude that can’t even change a lightbulb, he can go somewhere.
kimmie
December 4th, 2012
10:50 am
Oh, and I rate about a 7 on the shallow scale. What I rate as attractive might not be so to most others, but I like what I like. And I got what I like.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
December 4th, 2012
10:59 am
LOL……@Cely, long as it’s not someplace where I can’t pronounce the name. Heading out to an early lunch we’ll discuss.
Lady~sunshine
December 4th, 2012
11:11 am
did y’all confirm yet?
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:13 am
Blackfoote said as long as someplace he can’t pronouce….lol I say Pappadeauxs. I don’t think that’s too overboard. Lady, you cool with that? Blackfoote can let us know when he comes back from lunch.
Blackfoote – You still have my email addy?
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:13 am
can pronounce
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:14 am
Lady – If you have someplace you prefer, toss it out there. Don’t have to be seafood. That’s just what I was thinking. I’m good going wherever. I’m not big on steak and red meat. So that’s why I tossed out seafood.
SlimNu: Life always happens
December 4th, 2012
11:21 am
Morning lovelies,
It’s been a while since I checked in with yall. As far as the topic goes, i’m not that superficial. I didn’t read everyone’s post but I’ve never been into the “Pretty Ricky’s” as someone stated earlier. I don’t want a ragamuffin but I don’t need a Morris Chestnut or anything like that. I more so go off personality and of course the other basic things like cleanliness, job, car responsibility.
Lady~sunshine
December 4th, 2012
11:21 am
seafood is fine but my schedule is upside as usual butI do want to come out and play……..pondering!
Robert
December 4th, 2012
11:25 am
“I want to know how many men can truly say they value substance more than superficial things?”
What is substance? I can only hope and pray that someday I meet a woman who lives her life as an example for all to follow.
1. She is made of sugar and spice and everything nice (Sexy)
2. She is a good friend and neighbor (Reliable, Dependable)
3. Faith is her foundation (Religous, Spiritual)
4. She is confident (Secure, Independent)
5. She is trustworthy (Honesty, Integrity)
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:25 am
Lady – We can see what time they close and see if we can work around your schedule. We’ll see what Blackfoote says. Would love for you to join us
DuShawn
December 4th, 2012
11:31 am
I have two of the wildest brother-in-laws you will ever meet. Wifey and I call both of them Shallow Hal. In the fifteen years I’ve known them; I have never seen them with a female that weighed less than 225 lbs. Most times they are with some real buga bears. I ask them once about their choices in women. It was my intention to commend them for bypassing the superficial and obviously dating these women for their inner beauty. Then they proceeded to tell me the “man f*%K inner bueaty”. the reason they date this type is because they have a place to live, they could cook, you never have to take them anywhere, and you don’t have to give them money to get their hair and nails done, because they do that. I laughed and said yall cats crazy. Here I am thinking yall men of substance, but yall really men of convenience. Them my brothers, gotta luv em.
disco
December 4th, 2012
11:37 am
robert – sugar and spice and every thing nice? dang. knocked me right on out the running on number one.
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
11:38 am
on that note, i will go take a shower!
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
11:38 am
@DuShawn
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:41 am
I’m constantly giving Dushawn the side eye. Mmmm hmmm
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:45 am
http://www.draftfcb.com/holiday2011/
Try this….soooo cool
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
11:46 am
DuShawn — Not to mention that
all the big girls I’ve ever f__kedI’m told that a lot of big girls really know how to lay it on you in the bedroom…MsAtl
December 4th, 2012
11:46 am
Disco- Lol. That was my thought. At the end it says (sexy), but that sugar and spice threw me off.
Robert- dare I say I fit that profile. However, that is not an invitation. I think I may be too headstrong for you.
Lady~sunshine
December 4th, 2012
11:47 am
Thanks C!!!!!
BF we are long over due for seafood and drinks!!!!!
Jake-SPJTWB
December 4th, 2012
11:52 am
Courtside…you probably right, I say add a point to whatever score somebody gives…lol.
I’m no Shallow Hal, but I wasn’t checkin for substance until I hit 25. Even then, that substance needed to come wit some nice T&A. There is a certain weight class I won’t consider, and beauty is important, I too have had a few that were “nightfighters”, “midnight specials”, whatever you want to call them…only saw them for a good time and they didn’t have a chance at a midday lunch.
As I matured, my thought of what I liked and my opinion on what and is sexy and beautiful broadened tremendously!
DuShawn
December 4th, 2012
11:53 am
I spotted a new unopened tampax box in bathroom this morning. thats a good sign.
Jake-SPJTWB
December 4th, 2012
11:55 am
what is
Jake-SPJTWB
December 4th, 2012
11:56 am
Lol…Du, the bruhs praying you get that Christmas gift you want.
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
11:57 am
Ex ~ what’s new. You disagree with everything I say.
BF/Celisea ~ is your meeting up on the 13th a closed mtg? If so, BF, we need to followup on our bday drinks.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
11:58 am
Leggs – You’re welcome to come. It’s for the Sags
i'm swiss
December 4th, 2012
11:59 am
DuShawn — Congrats on the tampax, dude. May the force be with you. BTW, I don’t know if Mrs. Swiss was reading the blog last week or not, but thankfully she took pity on me & broke me off a little something this weekend. Whew! I feel so much more relaxed…
disco
December 4th, 2012
12:03 pm
dushawn – since when is an unopened box a good sign? holler back when they are opened and used my brother. lol. I bet there are plenty of pregnant chicks with unopened boxes of supplies praying for the fertility gods to miss their mark.
DuShawn
December 4th, 2012
12:07 pm
Disco- Thats why I said it was a good sign. the Congrats are premature. Dont jinks me. Its not done done yet.
abc
December 4th, 2012
12:14 pm
Looks will get a man to show up, substance may encourage him to stick around. Doh.
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
12:16 pm
Du..u right,no congrats.yet .maybe she was clearing out to trash coz she knows they will be expired in 9 months time.
abc
December 4th, 2012
12:17 pm
Course the only substance I’m interested in is my wife. And, she’s prettier lounging around in pajamas than most any other chick made up to hit the town. I’m a lucky guy.
Lady~sunshine
December 4th, 2012
12:19 pm
Can December 20th work pretty please?!?
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
12:20 pm
I know Leggs…i disagree now on you trying to fit in on Cel,Lady and Black’s rendevous….
I was musing,green with envy that ,Black got himself a nice threesome there…..
and then here u come and try spoil it….
:lol
..i know, dont mind me.. lol
Leggs
December 4th, 2012
12:22 pm
I know Leggs…i disagree now on you trying to fit in on Cel,Lady and Black’s rendevous….
Wrong, wasn’t squeezing in. BF and I discussed the Sags getting together a few weeks ago on the blog. Thought this was what was suggested by Celisea. Wasn’t my intent.
Celisea ~ wasn’t my intent to barge in. If that’s how you took it please disregard! Thank you.
Celisea
December 4th, 2012
12:24 pm
Leggs – No apologies needed here…that’s Mmeello talking, not me.
disco
December 4th, 2012
12:26 pm
dushawn – alright. my bad. not trying to be a jinx. still, the suspense is even starting to get to me. have you guys taken a test? sure they aren’t always accurate but they can give us something to go on. lol. typing that I thought of all those chicks on “I didn’t know I was pregnant”.
Exiled!
December 4th, 2012
12:30 pm
laughing..see Disco, the guys Always seem to hyperventilate,re prego..and the chics seem to take it easy… laughing at Dushawn
@Leggs..just joking… lol..
disco
December 4th, 2012
12:36 pm
ex – trust me when I say the chicks hyperventilate too. shoot, I don’t even know D’s wife but an element of that unopened box is pure wishful thinking. I’m sure she’s just as anxious as he is which answers my own question about whether or not they’ve taken a test. a test confirms things. waiting buys you time and gives you hope.