Is partying keeping you single?
I can remember having a big ugly fight with a guy I was dating because he thought I just “ran the streets too much.” No, seriously. He constantly called it that and it drove me nuts. It’s not like I was popping bottles in the club or anything! I was volunteering, singing in a chorus, juggling day job and my part-time work. I was, well BUSY.
I had no problem making time for him but I had no interest in sitting at home ALL the time. His constant criticism about me being on the go really made it clear how we were not a match.
I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this. Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him. A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)
Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important, but perhaps I’m missing something? Ladies, do men ever tell you that you go out too much?
Guys, do you meet a lot of women who party too much? Do you think it is a sign of immaturity? Do you like to see a women demonstrate her “settled down” side?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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214 comments Add your comment
Jake-SPJTWB
November 30th, 2012
12:16 pm
Celisea…you know what we mean…if your making time is due to being in the streets, frolicking and around and such….then the lady isn’t ready….same for a man, though there is a certain amount of hanging that a man should be alotted just because.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:18 pm
disco – The person on the “advisory” team for associates’ rights told her by doing that she’s skating on thin ice…then revealed that she’s had 6 complaints against her already. She asked for volunteers to do something while working for home during the holidays and I did it. She called me back and gave me two gold awards and said I can stay at home that week and cash in to get paid….hmmmm Wonder if she’s tryna “get in good”…..lol I’ll take it!!!
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:19 pm
Jake – Yeah, I do. I get it. I agree too that if a chick is always always “on the go” and that’s her lifestyle then she might not be ready. When getting booed up (and I know it’s not the same as marriage), there’s a bunch of happy (for me) sacrifices made. That’s why I said I don’t see the big stretch. For me, I’m happy to do it.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:21 pm
Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not going to morph into something or someone for the sake of keeping, snagging, hanging on. I think the more you like the person, the less “adjusting” becomes a problem. Too, it’s easy for me because it’s easy for him.
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
12:24 pm
Happy Holidays Mo!
Jake-SPJTWB
November 30th, 2012
12:27 pm
Hey Mo, what up lady?
disco
November 30th, 2012
12:27 pm
C – I think you hit on a point. back to the single mentality and all that “I’m not going to do this” stuff. what most single folks mean (in my opinion) is “I’m not going to do this for any old okey doke regular run of the mill somebody”. a whole lot changes when that somebody is the right somebody.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:28 pm
Disco, same here @ your 12;14, make time, find time = uhhh well I guess I’ll do it
jake, it’s make time period, doesn’t matter if you in the streets, working, or at church.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:31 pm
disco – Exactly. Nothing is hard or too hard with the two people are right. So that stretching a bit is not a bad sign. It’s just what you do when you’re with someone. It can’t be all you and it certainly can’t be all them. So you both step out of your comfy places. Again, that’s when you’re digging one another. Now, if it’s an and arduous then no, y’all ain’t a good fit.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
November 30th, 2012
12:31 pm
Same to you Leggs! Thank you!
Heeey Jake-baby, how are you?
Ironically this topic hits close to home as I just ended a relationship as dude did not feel that spending time with me was a priority. So I relieved him of the stress of trying to ‘fit me in’ and threw up my dueces. I hang out when I want, period. Lunches with friends, occasional gatherings with friends, homecomings and such but for the most part Im chillin and doing my mommy thing.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:32 pm
an “issue” and too arduous…is what I meant
disco
November 30th, 2012
12:35 pm
C – yep. but my comment was mostly toward button and S/H who both at one point commented on chicks popping off at the mouth talking about what they ain’t going to do. they both figured that all that what they ain’t going to do is part of why they are single. lol. I get it but I was just countering with how we left off the rest of the sentence. it’s not that I’m not going to do it, I’m just not going to do it with you or for you. same rules apply to men. that right woman will have him doing all kind of things he swore he’d never do.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:35 pm
Disco, if there are things you’re not going to do, then don’t do them, because when you hit that rocky patch in the relationship, those will be the first things that come to mind.
kimmie
November 30th, 2012
12:35 pm
Hey Disco!!
I call “making time” for something or someone just making it/them a part of your life. So as a single person some of the time I would otherwise spend doing something else I spend that time with the person I’m dating. The closer you get, the more you give that time to that person. That person becomes higher and higher up the priority ladder in your life. You can’t expect to be the top priority from day one. I’m not going to miss work so we can go on a date, but I’ll gladly put aside that happy hour with my office buds to meet you for dinner. Not that hard to figure out, to me.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:36 pm
Disco that was just button, I was trying to find out what single mentality was.
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
12:37 pm
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/woman-bares-botched-butt-implants-horrifying-video-article-1.1210114
Stuff like this leaves me baffled. I like all that is me, all that God gave me, and surgically enhancing anything on my body is something I don’t think I could do.
Jake-SPJTWB
November 30th, 2012
12:37 pm
Hey Sweets, sounds like you doing well…its the Decatur in ya….lol.
S/H-I hear ya, but I don’t get between anybody and their God.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:39 pm
disco – Honestly, I dropped off earlier, all the comments were making my head hurt… I didn’t read their arguments…lol
Mo (aka Moeisha)
November 30th, 2012
12:41 pm
Jake – you know how we do!
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:42 pm
I’ve said before I’m an “ain’t gonna do” chick…to some degree. I think most women though, for the right man will change (not morph) that tune easily. Again, not losing sight of who you are but gravitating towards them and them you….okay that was kinda mushy…lol
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:42 pm
Jake and god doesn’t come into our marital bedroom, but we’re not going to make it there if you’re at church all the time.
disco
November 30th, 2012
12:42 pm
s/h – that was just button TODAY. seems like a while back you were tirading about chicks talking about what they weren’t going to do. lol.
oh and trust I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do. I’m just admitting that I may not want to do it with or for guys A-Y but guy Z might be the one that makes me want to do it.
with the holiday season on us, am I the only one that thinks certain grown folks get more of a kick out of pretending santa is real than kids do out of pretending to believe that he’s real?
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:43 pm
Jake – S/H-I hear ya, but I don’t get between anybody and their God.
AMEN, brother!!
kimmie
November 30th, 2012
12:44 pm
Disco – To your 12:35 – I agree. There were alot of things I said I would not do for a dude that was my boyfriend that I gladly do for my husband. They didn’t put a ring on it so they didn’t have it like that. I doubt very seriously if any of the things I popped off to my girlfriends about I wouldn’t do would have turned any dudes off. If so, I was not the one for them. I got the bases covered on what I WILL do, and if that’s not enough then tough!
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:45 pm
Disco, my comments on that was about what they’re not going to do until they’re married, not that’s why they’re still single.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:47 pm
Kimmie, you may be different, you’re telling me what you’re not going to do before I even ask, then I know when we get married you may do it for a little while, but it won’t last long.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
12:53 pm
Kimmie that was suppose to be But if you’re telling me
Also, when I say the church, I’m speaking for me. there was this woman interested in dating me, and I was interested in dating her, but seems every time we had something planed something came up with the church and she had to cancel, so are you guys telling me that since it was the church I was suppose to be okay with it??
MsAtl
November 30th, 2012
1:06 pm
Single- no, not necessarily. Have you ever heard the expression “married to the church?” If you had something planned, then sometimes the church would have to be told sorry…
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
1:07 pm
And really, when it comes intimate issues (physical, money, etc), I tend to tell folks quick, no or not. Not because I don’t or even won’t, but I get turned off by someone asking me something too personal too soon. I’m sure I’ve turned off many, but hey those times weren’t meant to be. I’m more of a act in the moment or as permitted….than giving out a list of things I will do. IMO and solely for me, that’s tacky.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
1:08 pm
MsAtl, yes I have. the bad thing about it most of the time she would be filling in for someone else that canceled (LOL)
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
1:29 pm
Single ~ you too were filling in for God, but he never cancelled.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
1:38 pm
Leggs, Huh??
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
1:44 pm
I was attempting to say seemed she always had church stuff to do, that you were her standby to go to when the church didn’t need her. Nevamind, it fell flat…..
DuShawn
November 30th, 2012
2:01 pm
On the topic of church. I remember when I was a teenager, it was this girl in the hood named Tammi. Whew.. she was a fine young Amazon. Played basketball for North Miami High, thighs for days. Her mother was very over protective and kept her in the church. She dropped her off to choir rehearsal twice a week. I would be parked behind the church. She would go in the front door and come out the back, get in my car; we would go park by the lake and have sex. Then I would take her back to church before rehearsal ended. She had me fiending. I would get up at 1:00 am, and literally run about a half mile to her house. She would sneak me in her bedroom while her mother slept. She had that wet wet for real.
After about six months of that……She told me she was pregnant.
Sassy Me...Exhaling ;-)
November 30th, 2012
2:01 pm
This day is dragging by like cold molasses…
kimmie
November 30th, 2012
2:02 pm
Single – That church girl remind me of this guy I used to date who used his mama to get out of spending time with me. He always had to go over to his mamas. Finally, I told him I was no fool and just because he “claimed” it was his mama didn’t mean I didn’t have something to say about it. Oh, and he was lying about 98% of the time, I found out and suspected anyway.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:05 pm
What I’ve found funny is, at some point, sans intimacy (that is if y’all ain’t getting down date one…lol), dudes wanna talk, probe a little, to see what you think as it relates to intimacy, what you like or have a flavor for. I like this time/window. I don’t mean inappropriate but real talk, adult talk. Depending on where we are and how much in “like” I am determines how much I’m willing to open up and talk. Even so, I’m not gonna disclose everything about me. I like to unfold over time
That’s just how I’m built. Well, there are a couple of things I’m learning while allowing the probe session….lol
1. Dudes that back away quick because of maybe me not revealing much, sends a red flag. Not all, but most times, they ain’t keepers. They want it easy, EVERYTHING and quick. I’ve found they’re not willing to learn how to tap into the depths of a woman…which is key.
2. Dudes that smile and nod, not moved by bland info, already know, it’s only a matter of tapping into the depths. In my experience, they seemed to enjoy discovering (mentally), how to move me. Not a maze or game but the art of learning. Apparently it’s an accomplished skill…lol By their response and not running scared, it’s was always OR IS…I should say…the telltale sign that they’re gonna enjoy getting in. I think any mature man knows how to move their woman, nothing you can’t get out of her. Whether it’s sex, or compromise, getting and staying on the same page, keeping her pleased (again not just sex). THOSE ARE THE KEEPERS. They ain’t afraid to go all in and get what they desire.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:08 pm
My kid’s dad was the only was brazen enough (cause I was still living at home then), to tap the bedroom window. Nuuuuuh uh!! While I was tempted (I can’t lie), I was too scared to do that. My daddy was upstairs and my sister downstairs with me, across the hall. Sooooo many times he would be parked outside in the wee hours of the mornings saying “open the window”….nuh uh…lol We’d end up talking a couple of hours and he’d finally give up.
Nooooo buddy, couldn’t trust that. You in and it’s all good midstroke, you ain’t gonna stop if my daddy is coming down the stairs.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:14 pm
Only one dude though had me where I was giving intentional answers. He was so up on me and ready that I was a little intimadated. I would NEVER tell him that though. Twice, I was speechless during one of our convos. And I mentioned once on here, we’d worked out together and getting some “talk” in during the process. He calls me, right while I’m going over a bridge and asked me a really HOT question. Needless to say I was rendered speechless. I almost drove over the bridge. When I couldn’t find words, all he said was “I thought so”, laughed and hung up. Man on man on man….is all I can say. Whew buddy. Some dudes just know how to do the dang thing.
disco
November 30th, 2012
2:18 pm
C – I had a guy tell me he doesn’t like to talk about sex. my first initial thought was “game”. he’s trying to put that out there like he’s all innocent and wholesome just to see how I play it. after that I just thought, “buster”. he might know he ain’t working with nothing and is delaying the inevitable. lol. I don’t know what the real reason is. it doesn’t matter anymore since this is the bankrupt, sleep apnea guy.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:21 pm
disco – Yeah, that’s a big ole red flag. That first sentence would have had me shutting buddy down….mainly cause that ain’t normal. I don’t want “fresh” dudes but I like them to be who they are. I don’t know any redblooded man that don’t like sex and all that you can think of, that’s related. Be it talk, toys, thoughts, hopes, wishes, dreaming, planning, hanking, whatever!! Yeah, he needed you to get the door for him and with the quickness. The more real a dude is, the more open I am. No time for games and folks pretending to be all squeaky. Let me be squeaky and you be that redblooded man…
Button
November 30th, 2012
2:21 pm
I sure can use some sake right now
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
2:22 pm
Disco, I don’t like to talk about sex before having sex, builds up to many expectations.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
2:24 pm
Sake, Japanese wine??
Sassy Me...Exhaling ;-)
November 30th, 2012
2:26 pm
I sure can use some sake right now
Warm or cold? I like mine warm…
I wouldn’t mind some spiked hot cocoa…
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:26 pm
Talking intimately is nowhere near talking “sex.” Having an adult conversation does not equate to size, toys, top/bottom, etc. I’m not having that convo with anybody, we’ll just let that happen. But, talking intimately will reveal much about a person. Intimately means deep, about everything, what are your likes dislikes, things you like to do, places you like to go, hangups, so forth and so on. BIG difference.
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:27 pm
Later folks
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
2:29 pm
And still, I can talk intimate and reveal what I want you to know…again, not everything. Still, for me, that’s where much is learned. Even to the fact that I ain’t giving it all up by just telling it to you. That happens over time.
Now…later folks
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
2:29 pm
C – I had a guy tell me he doesn’t like to talk about sex. my first initial thought was “game”
Button
November 30th, 2012
2:30 pm
Yes Single
Warm Sassy