Is partying keeping you single?
I can remember having a big ugly fight with a guy I was dating because he thought I just “ran the streets too much.” No, seriously. He constantly called it that and it drove me nuts. It’s not like I was popping bottles in the club or anything! I was volunteering, singing in a chorus, juggling day job and my part-time work. I was, well BUSY.
I had no problem making time for him but I had no interest in sitting at home ALL the time. His constant criticism about me being on the go really made it clear how we were not a match.
I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this. Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him. A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)
Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important, but perhaps I’m missing something? Ladies, do men ever tell you that you go out too much?
Guys, do you meet a lot of women who party too much? Do you think it is a sign of immaturity? Do you like to see a women demonstrate her “settled down” side?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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214 comments Add your comment
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:15 am
Okay button
disco
November 30th, 2012
10:16 am
ms atl – I have a friend who was a stay at home mom and did (in my opinion) way too much for her daggone kids. they are now all grown and still overly dependent on her. her son is locked up but both daughters call her for every single little thing. for the most part she always does everything they ask and every now and again she’ll put her big shoes on and tell them no. it never lasts long though. she’s right back to catering to their every whim. I tease her all the time about her “worthless A” kids.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:19 am
Button “if he agrees” so if your S/O disagrees with something you want to do, then you shouldn’t do it?
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
10:19 am
You guys must be very close friends, disco!
Button
November 30th, 2012
10:19 am
disco I think they’re called hover mothers, or something like that.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:21 am
Disco, I know some like that, mothers and fathers, and both worked, Their response is “what are you supposed to do”
Button
November 30th, 2012
10:21 am
Single if you’re playing the role then you have to play the role. yes I said if he agrees just like there will be time she won’t agree. Get it?
disco
November 30th, 2012
10:22 am
button – it’s helicopter moms.
leggs – we actually met through our kids. her son and my son went to elementary school together. her son got locked up in high school and for the most part has been locked up ever since. her daughters are simply co-dependent. want to be grown but want mommy to solve every situation they find themselves in. yeah we’re close enough for me to talk about her sorry azz kids. lol.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:24 am
Button, using your term, “playing the roll” why do you see it like that,
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:25 am
it’s both, hoover and helicopter
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
10:26 am
Leggs – true. I guess it also depends on where the outing is. If it’s over an hour away, you may not want to drive home late even while sober. I’m single so there is no problem for me, but if I’m coupled up and there’s a girls night far away from home, I’ll probably stay just so I don’t have to drive far late at night. Being really tired is just as bad as being tipsy
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
10:27 am
disco ~ out of the 4 schools Lil Leggs applied to, she got accepted to 3. One was Georgia State. She wanted to go, but couldn’t decide on that school or Georgia Southern. I wanted her to go away just so she wouldn’t have that added cushion of calling me up asking me to bring something to her on my way to work, or drop something off to her over the weekend. I knew being that close would more than likely hamper her and not help her. The time has come for her to rely on herself and her decision making abilities. Still, she’s been home 4x since August.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:30 am
Leggs, I feel the same way, let those kids get out and find out what’s it’s like to be on there on.
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
10:31 am
Speaking of being a little too close to your kids…the receptionist here talks to her daughter at least 5 times a day and they live together. Her daughter is 28. Now…my mom and I talk pretty much every day, but it’s at night. Only time she calls me at work is in an emergency. I see no reason to have to talk that many times a day, every day…
disco
November 30th, 2012
10:34 am
s/h – is it both? I had heard that helicopter moms were called that because they tended to hover but I never heard hover. guess it doesn’t matter. I never hovered. who really has time for that? some parents need to get a life. I know one chick that had it so bad that she was so deep in planning her son’s wedding that I said I wouldn’t be surprised if she showed up on the honeymoon to teach the new bride how to suck her son’s thang.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:38 am
Disco, my nephew graduates from college, next month, and my sister sent out the invitations. They wouldn’t have gotten out if it was me. (LOL)
How you going to plan your sons wedding?? Are there any bloggers who would marry a man like that?
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
10:41 am
Forget about the man, what about the woman he’s marrying that’s allowing this to happen. If she doesn’t have any input into her own wedding, then she’s already bowing down to her MIL. Many more problems to arise in that marriage.
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
10:43 am
When I was engaged and planning a wedding a long time ago, my fiance’s mom and sister got waaaaayyyyy too into the planning. I had to put my foot down on a couple of things. I was like…this is my wedding and I want things my way…
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:46 am
Bluz putting her foot down (roflmao)
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:46 am
oh and happy belated birthday bluz
Button
November 30th, 2012
10:49 am
Single I’m leaning more to what you said it’s called – helicopter mom. I’m def not one, well if my kids tell it I’m one to the baby girl. She’s 15 and I still make her call me when she’s at the bus stop and when she get off the bus and when she walk thru the door. When she went down south for the summer I bought two video camera phones so we can video chat while she was a way. Since then it’s come in handy while either of us are out. I know I got it bad, but she’s my baby.
disco
November 30th, 2012
10:53 am
S/H – my son designed, ordered and paid for his own college announcements. he also provided me with stamps but I took on the task of mailing them out. he figured the announcements were more for “old people” anyway. his words, not mine.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:54 am
Button, disco, I’ve seen them call both for the reasons disco described,
Yea button if you doing all that for your baby girl, you’re one
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
10:55 am
Thanks S/H….and by the way…I can put my foot down!!!
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
10:55 am
disco, please tell me you didn’t address them, I had to do mine from high school, didn’t attend my college grad.
disco
November 30th, 2012
10:59 am
S/H – I did address them but I had mailing labels saved already. I did his high school announcements and some family reunion mailings in years past so addressing them was easy.
disco
November 30th, 2012
11:00 am
oh. and by the way, his college announcement had his photo on it so, unlike when his high school announcements went out, no one had to call around and try to figure out who he was. lol.
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
11:03 am
I did my child’s h.s. announcements as well, along with her picture. Most family members up North had no idea what she looked like as a teenager. One of her cousins asked his mom if he could date her. He’s 15 and clueless.
disco
November 30th, 2012
11:08 am
leggs – now that you mention I did send prom photos out with the h.s. announcements. I did not pay for senior pictures. school pictures are a hella rip off. I took pics of my son outside of his (first) college graduation and he made his own announcements and had them printed at costco. lol.
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
11:10 am
Had mailing labels, that makes it worse, (LOL) my sister wrote all of his. (LOL)
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
11:10 am
This is totally off topic, but need to share. I found out yesterday that an acquantance of mine (an incredible local bass player) shot and killed a man over the weekend and was arrested for felony murder. I’ve never known someone who killed another person. He was such a sweetheart, but apparently snapped…craziness
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
11:14 am
We all have the ability to kill embedded in us. Even the meekest of meek can kill when provoked.
disco
November 30th, 2012
11:16 am
S/H – are mailing labels really worse? I can see how handwritten is a personal touch and all but labels, along with being easier and faster are just plain neater. anytime I handwrite anything on an envelope I cover it with scotch tape. lol.
bluz – I know I’ve known many that have killed and many that have been killed but now I’m trying to think back on the first person that I knew that killed someone. how old was i? I’m not sure. I remember the first person that I knew up close and personal that was murdered was when I was in 6th grade. as for my “first killer”. I’m not sure but by high school it was almost old news. that’s really a shame.
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
11:16 am
I didn’t pay for senior pics either. Astronomical. I took my own. I did buy graduation photo (one pose though).
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
11:18 am
I guess. He’s always been seen as such a nice person, but everyone has a dark side. I guess he couldn’t control his. He was drunk and got into a fight with this guy and shot him in the face. Just a tragic story. He did it in the home he shared with his ex wife, but was in the process of moving out. What a shame…he’ll be facing life in prison for sure.
disco
November 30th, 2012
11:21 am
hmmm. sounds like his attorney might have a few things to work with. he was intoxicated and he was in his own home. there might be just enough extenuating circumstances to help dude out. (of course, I don’t know the circumstances just saying there could be some that would make me as a juror say hmmm).
Jake-SPJTWB
November 30th, 2012
11:27 am
what up folks
Bluzgirl
November 30th, 2012
11:34 am
disco – I’m wondering how they are going to play this. All I know so far is that he was in the process of moving out and having a really hard time dealing with the ex wife moving on. She allowed him to continue living there because they were friends still and she was trying to help him. I don’t know if he has mental issues or not. In the article, they called this a domestic dispute. She had mentioned to a friend that a younger man was pursuing her, so I wondered if the man he killed was her new guy. But…I saw on her FB last night that while she was going out of town, she was leaving the house in the hands of both of the guys. So…I wonder if they were friends who had a major argument and things got out of hand. It just blows my mind…
kimmie
November 30th, 2012
11:34 am
What’s up & Happy Friday Gang!
On topic – Wise’s simply living her life, not my definition of “running the streets”. If a person was truly partying and clubbing and drinking every weekend and sometimes during the week, I can see that being a turnoff to either gender if they are looking to settle down. Usually, that type of living runs it’s course and gets old or either YOU get too old for it. I did it a little while right after college. I had my fun, but I began to get busy in other ways. Work & career, comnunity participation, family & friends, church, hobbies – all enough to take up my time. Yes, when I got in a relationship, then I got it in where I could fit it in. I had a life and expected any man I met to have one too. Folks do make time for what they want, so those that wanted me fit me into their schedules and I did the same for them. No biggie. Never auditioned for the wife role though.
Single – Never could stand mama’s boys.
MsAtl
November 30th, 2012
11:39 am
Single- I agree, it should be about trust. The feeling was that it is inappropriate. I have also been told that if I am not remarried by a certain time, my married friend of many years would not be allowed to hang out with me because it is not okay for a married woman to hang out with single women. Umm, yeah, me & that man had a conversation. I told him that if I was decent enough for him when I was married, then I should be decent enough now. I am the same person. Needless to say, we still hang out and he is okay with it (putting the knife away, lol)
Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday
November 30th, 2012
11:45 am
Disco, yea it’s worse, all he had to do was put the labels on, you could have sent them to him. (LOL)
disco
November 30th, 2012
11:50 am
S/H – I see your point but I’m going to let my offspring have that one. primarily because, in my opinion, not everyone on the mailing list is worthy of an announcement. my son wouldn’t be as discriminating as me in determining who gets one and who doesn’t. he would just send one to every single person on the list. bump that. believe it or not, I did hear some folks grumbling and complaining about “how come I didn’t get one”. later for them is my thought on it not to mention the know exactly why I didn’t send them one. I don’t eff with them like that. lol.
hey kimmie!!!!
Leggs
November 30th, 2012
11:52 am
MsAtl ~ I had a male friend whose wife had no problem with me until I became single. I was no longer invited to any of their gatherings that their home or out to dinner with them. Mind you that when I was married, I went to some of their events sans my husband who didn’t want to socialize with anyone.
disco
November 30th, 2012
11:53 am
s/h – you reminded me of why I am/was the baby momma from hell. I didn’t even send my son’s father an announcement. he knows me and he knows I’d tell him “I buy my announcements, you buy yours”. lol.
leggs – a lot of folks act like single chicks are the anti-christ. like our singleness might rub off and bring bad mojo. lol.
Jake-SPJTWB
November 30th, 2012
11:54 am
So I guess we are solid on the consensus that if a woman has to “Make Time” for a man, then this lady likely will not make it to the alter. At the point where you wish to be a man’s wife, you have to be prepared to be “in place” for the most part. Yes you can hang out with your girls sometimes, you can volunteer sometimes, you can vacy with your girls sometimes,….but you have to be a wife full-time, no matter where you are…so feed me before you go to Hosea’s. (I know, we should do that together, right ladies…hehehe)
MsAtl
November 30th, 2012
11:59 am
Leggs- Same here. I went to their home alone on numerous occasions because my ex was sort of antisocial. I am still invited to their home, but she doesn’t visit me often.
Disco- Talk about stigmas.
Jake- yes, you should be going to Hosea’s too, lol.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
November 30th, 2012
12:01 pm
Heeeey Party People, TGIF!
Hope all is well in Blogsville, just dropping in for a few…..
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:06 pm
I don’t get a person that needs to “make time”, not being a good wife/woman. I have to make time to do everything…such is life…shrugs Make time for working, make time for making or picking up dinner, make time to have my car cleaned, make time to have my hair done, make time to take a bath, make time to rest….so forth and so on….. Just seems weird if a person has a problem with people that “make time.” IMO, that seems to just be a way of life.
Off topic: My coworker, the potato chip gal must be REAAAALLY putting it on her hubby. She’s a newly wed. She gets flowers at least a couple of times a month. They’ve done a bunch of international travels and I think they’ve only been married now, a year…or so. Some of that traveling was pre-wedding but IJS. She’s a baaaad girl….must be!!
Celisea: If it ain't broke........
November 30th, 2012
12:07 pm
Oh Lawd, my manager done called my coworker on ML and asked her to come back sooner. Ummm, first violation was calling while she’s on leave. The message that’s out now is that she’s skating on thin ice and have had 6 complaints on her in 5 months…ut oh
disco
November 30th, 2012
12:14 pm
re the whole “make time” issue to me it sounds like when you say “make time” it means that you really don’t want to do something, you’d really rather be doing something else but you’ll “make time” for the less than desirable task. naturally I can tell from the posts that’s not how a lot of others see it but that’s how I see it.
celisea – ut oh is right. lol.