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Is partying keeping you single?

I can remember having a big ugly fight with a guy I was dating because he thought I just “ran the streets too much.” No, seriously. He constantly called it that and it drove me nuts. It’s not like I was popping bottles in the club or anything! I was volunteering, singing in a chorus, juggling day job and my part-time work. I was, well BUSY.

I had no problem making time for him but I had no interest in sitting at home ALL the time. His constant criticism about me being on the go really made it clear how we were not a match.

I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this. Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him. A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)

Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important, but perhaps I’m missing something? Ladies, do men ever tell you that you go out too much?

Guys, do you meet a lot of women who party too much? Do you think it is a sign of immaturity? Do you like to see a women demonstrate her “settled down” side?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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214 comments Add your comment

Jenna

November 30th, 2012
6:01 am

I used to be a feminist when I was a teenager. I then matured and learned that men are more attracted to women who make them a priority. That doesn’t mean being at his beck and call or taking abuse or constant criticism – it means that home-life is the priority. And this makes sense, because to be a good mother it is imperative that the woman does become a “home body” in some respects. Some women can’t “calm down” or “settle down” and they feel that they must constantly be busy. I’m sure there is a match out there for those types of women, but that behavior can also scream to most men that there is something wrong with her (because in her words she has to be busy or she’ll “go crazy”). Usually, this type of behavior denotes some type of mental issue or unresolved issue from the woman’s childhood.

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
6:56 am

Hello all

For me you have to show some balance in your life, if you have to MAKE time for me, then you’re not the one for me.

If a man is looking for a settled down woman, then he needs to be a settled down man. Stop trying to change people into what you want them to be, and seek those that are already what you want them to be.

Cherry Blossom

November 30th, 2012
7:02 am

Hello, all

Nothing wrong with a busy woman. It’s better than being a bore! I’m not quite sure I see eye to eye on the concept of making my man a priority. I saw we settle with making one another each other’s priority individually.

lee

November 30th, 2012
7:20 am

No man or woman wants their partner in the streets parting, i think that shows you are still looking… And why do you feel you need to drink every weekend, that is a big red flag no matter what sex you are. I don’t date anyone who “parties” or drinks every weekend, too much drama for me.
Have a wonderful weekend.

Cherry Blossom

November 30th, 2012
7:28 am

Howdy lee,

I like what you said. I’m definitely not a person that parties. I like doing and sometimes planning things for SO and I to do together. I don’t see much value in being a couple but spending lots of time apart. I like, as a couple, keeping busy. And sometimes, I like as a couple, downtime together.

Southern Belle

November 30th, 2012
7:49 am

@S&H – Agreed, a ready woman needs a ready man.

Robert

November 30th, 2012
8:27 am

@Wise Diva – “Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him.”

If a Man said exactly what you said he would be labeled a “Player”. He never will have a chance at a serious relationship.

disco

November 30th, 2012
8:44 am

good morning y’all. re a man telling me I go out to much, well, I simply “wish a ninja” would. single or not I’m grown and I’m going to do me. if he doesn’t like something he’s free to express that but he better not be stepping to me like my daddy. that won’t go over very well at all. I’d have to take it to Friday and tell him “don’t worry about what I be doing”.

s/h – I’m feeling you on that “make” time thing. either you have it or you don’t but don’t go trying to “squeeze” me in.

oh and being busy or “running the streets” doesn’t necessarily have to disrupt the home life. sometimes I’m go-go-go but my house is always clean (at least neat, at worst a bit untidy where I need to dust but it’s never nasty). maintaining a home isn’t really that complicated especially when you are single and there are no kids at home. heck, I don’t even use half the rooms in my house so they are always clean.

Button

November 30th, 2012
8:50 am

Good morning……….To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife……. Is that really necessary, though? Ummm yeah! funny thing is most women don’t see it this way but actully that’s how most men garner whether she is wife material or not. A mature responsible man will not wife a lady of the streets, it just aint happening.

Ladies, do men ever tell you that you go out too much? Yes, back when I was single and mingling, I had guys tell me all the time that I frequent the streets a bit too much for their taste. I admit I was bar hopping, doing happy hours after hours and always on the go, doing international traveling and such but that was because I was enjoying my me time and wasn’t ready to give it up yet.

Button

November 30th, 2012
8:52 am

You cannot want to be a wife with a single woman mentality. Society have dumb down what the role of a wife is. Sad.

Button

November 30th, 2012
8:58 am

well said Jenna.

disco

November 30th, 2012
9:01 am

ooh wee button. I think you may have opened a can of worms. you know I have to go into what is the single woman mentality? of course, I know it’s relative and won’t apply to every single woman but I think it can make for interesting discussion. also, and I know we’ve talked roles to death but what is the “dumbed down” role of the wife?

Leggs

November 30th, 2012
9:06 am

Ladies, do men ever tell you that you go out too much? – LOLOL, I’m just the opposite!

Jenna ~ I like your post.

Single ~ yes sir, seek your own level! If you want someone who’s settled, please be “settled” your dayum self.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:09 am

disco as you’ve stated “we’ve talked roles to death”

Celisea: If it ain't broke........

November 30th, 2012
9:24 am

I’ve NEVER been one to bar hop or run the streets. Even when I was younger and had a group of girls, many times I took a pass. I may have hooked up with them a couple times a month or if someone was having a shingdig at their house, yeah. Running the streets was never my thing. I like doing things and going out, however there’s a fine line with what’s too much versus being active. When I’m not seeing someone, I don’t really do too much. I have a couple of guy/gal friends where we’ll meet up for dinner…..throw back a couple of brewskies and break bread, and catch up. It’s funny with me, only when I’m seeing someone am I out and about a good bit. Too, for me, being grown or an adult means excercising the ability to part from adolescent ways of “having to run with folks”….of course that’s just IMO. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking other people but by the time I work…and work all day, tend to my kid/home, I don’t have much time to just hang out. Like I said, when I’m “booed up”, I’m guilty of making plenty of schedule adjusting so that we can make and spend time together.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:25 am

“my girl wants to party all the time party all the time” I can’t get this tune outta my head lol

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
9:28 am

Button you’re not getting off that easy, you opened the can of worms, I need to know if I’m getting the right woman (LOL)

MsML5

November 30th, 2012
9:28 am

In my younger days, I did hit the clubs and party a lot because I was single and not yet ready to settle down. I don’t do the club scene anymore but as a single woman I do travel and enjoy life…because I can. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

MsAtl

November 30th, 2012
9:28 am

Morning All!
Diva, you said working, volunteering, and singing in a chorus. I do not consider that partying.
For years my family was my priority. I stayed home until my children were a certain age, then went to work and college. At times, I postponed completing college then went back to school and made do with little sleep because I took care of my ex, the kids and the house.
Simply put, my family was my priority.
At this point in my life, if I am in a relationship I do not feel it necessary to be home 24/7 and I will not give up doing things that I like just to be accessible at all times. Most importantly, I will not make someone a priority if I am not also a priority to them.

MsML5

November 30th, 2012
9:29 am

@MsATL….well said!!!

disco

November 30th, 2012
9:30 am

button – I know but I really don’t understand what the “single woman” mentality is. I could guess that it’s either “I’m all that and you should want me just as I am” or it’s “I want a man so bad that I’ll do and be anything he wants”. idk. also, I know we’ve gone over gender roles and spouse roles but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything about the role of the “dumbed down” wife. that’s an interesting concept to me. I know chicks that dumb down while dating but is the dumbed down wife just an extension of them.

btw – button. pardon me for my “silly” questioning of this. it’s 9:30 but I’m predicting another very long day. (shut up S/H)

Celisea: If it ain't broke........

November 30th, 2012
9:30 am

Too, “going out” would need to be defined. Me and my hon frequent places for adults or people coupled. IMO, bars and clubs are places where people are out looking. So, we go out but to laid back more serene type places.

Bluzgirl

November 30th, 2012
9:30 am

Good morning all! I know you missed me while I was on vacation! LOL!

I can say that I’m always on the go…not really with the partying, but I do have a full and part time job, I volunteer, I do enjoy going out to see live music, I like to travel whenever I can. If I’m into a guy enough, I will alter some of my plans to spend time with him. My ideal guy will enjoy going to the venues that I like to go to for music, so we would probably go together. For the right guy, I would settle down on some of the going out and spend a lot of time with him.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:31 am

Single if you don’t know I can’t help you, I’m already taken LOL

Leggs

November 30th, 2012
9:33 am

On Point, MrsAtl!

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:35 am

disco single woman mentality is self explanatory.hence the word “single”

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
9:37 am

MsAtl, for me if a woman doesn’t have any balance in her life that she’s got to make time for me, I don’t care if she’s partying, volunteering, singing in a chorus. at church, or working. she’s not the one for me, and I’m not talking being all up under me all the time, I’m talking the few minutes in the day or week type of thing. Because if you were busy when I meet you, I don’t expect it to change because we’re together.

MsAtl

November 30th, 2012
9:38 am

Hey Bluz! Welcome back. Hope you enjoyed your birthday.
Ms.ML5, Leggs- thanks. Having been a wife and mother since the age of 18, I pretty much missed my entire young adult & partying years. Now, while I am enjoying life, I am not clubbing. I went to a club with friends a few months ago and I tell you that experience was enough to let me know it is not something I would want to do on a regular basis. I do enjoy music however, so I think I will check out Vanquish (I think that was the name) and more “adult” venues where a woman can go to enjoy music and mingling without being seen as on the prowl.

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
9:38 am

Is single mentality, that you are just about doing you, damn everyone else?

disco

November 30th, 2012
9:39 am

button – who before me said you weren’t getting off that easy? was it s/h? lol. bad answer. so what about single women who think/act like married women? there have to be some since I know plenty of married women who think/act like single women. I’m just asking what the characteristics of the mentality are. anyone else want to answer since button’s a bit evasive this a.m.?

MsAtl

November 30th, 2012
9:42 am

Single- I don’t think you should have to make time for someone in your life. That sounds too much like “penciling them in.” The only person I have had to make time for was myself because I was too busy spending it on other people. I think balance is necessary.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:43 am

Single if someone is willing to MAKE time for you then you must be worth it. :)
We make time or what’s important.

Leggs

November 30th, 2012
9:45 am

I don’t mind going out with a few friends dancing every so often. But to hang out at a club every weekend is for those starting out in life (lol) enjoying the club scene. Been there, done that.

MsAtl

November 30th, 2012
9:46 am

Related question- What are your (bloggies) thoughts on whether it is inappropriate for a woman who is in a relationship to spend a night away from home? For instance, celebrating with a group of girlfriends at a hotel or at one of their homes? This is a conversation I have had more than once and am curious to know your thoughts.
Robert- don’t be too harsh. :)

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
9:48 am

Button, I don’t “make time” for anything I want to do, I know how to balance my life so that I can get almost every thing in. So I look for the same. She doesn’t have to be exactly the same, but if all I’m hearing is “I’m so busy” “I thought about calling you” “I was going to stop by” you are not the one for me.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:48 am

dico I’m not evading answering your quesiton. I was stating my opinion of what I see with my over 30 single never been married girlfriends who desire to be a wife but admit time and time again that when/if they do get married they will not do this or do that and he can’t or aint gonna tell me what to do, blah blah blah…that right there is having a single mentality since being married it’s just not you anymore you have to consider your husband in your everyday dealings.

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
9:51 am

MsAtl, please clarify what you mean by relationship, because unless you’re my wife, we’re not living together, so spending a night with your girlfriends wouldn’t be a problem. and even as my wife, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:51 am

I don’t “make time” for anything I want to do – So how do you do it Single, maybe I’m missing something. It is Friday and I’m not juiced up yet. so please splain this to me

Leggs

November 30th, 2012
9:52 am

“…single women who think/act like married women? there have to be some since I know plenty of married women who think/act like single women” – reminds me of something I told my cousins when I visited them in Houston. Both women are married with lots of children between the two of them. My weekend with them was an eye opener. Everyone was getting high, neglecting the children, drinking way too much. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was single, living a carefree life, but wasn’t dating at the time so I pretty much dated myself. These chicks were up waiting for the sun to come up yelling at the kids to go get a bowl of cereal. When I saw one of their friends shooting up in the corner, I immediately called and changed my ticket to get out of dodge the next morning.

disco

November 30th, 2012
9:56 am

button – that last post actually got around to answering the question. thanks. just wondered where you were going with it or what you meant by it. I actually get what you are saying and I agree to a point. reality is, though, that even though people in relationships tend to have to compromise more than single people even married people will tell you that there are some things they just plain aren’t going to do and their spouse can kick rocks about it. just last night on my drive home the radio call in question was “what will you absolutely not allow your spouse to do”.

re the side, side topic – I wouldn’t mind an overnight getaway. folks need breaks from each other. now, don’t come asking me if you can spend the night with your “other girlfriend” or nothing crazy like that.

Button

November 30th, 2012
9:57 am

Mrs Atl if you’re single there shouldn’t be a problem with you spending the night away from home for any reason.

Leggs

November 30th, 2012
10:00 am

MrsAtl ~ if there are children involved, what are the ages? Knowing me, I wouldn’t spend the night out on a ladies’ night on the town, but again, that was one of my problems I’ve been told. I was a hands on parent, there all the time! My choice, no regrets.

MsAtl

November 30th, 2012
10:01 am

Single- In a committed relationship, living together.

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
10:04 am

Button making time for means looking at your schedule and seeing if I can fit you in during the allotted time. balance is doing it within the time you have. there’s always free time, you just have to know how to work it, everything doesn’t have to be planned, everything doesn’t have to be a long date, it could be as simple as a 2 minute hug and kiss.

Button

November 30th, 2012
10:07 am

Mrs Atl – that changes the dynamics if you’re living together. If he agrees then there shouldn’t be a problem.
If there are kids involved and as long as the kids are safe and provided for while you’re away then there shouldn’t be a problem. Parents go on vacation without their kids all the time. Spouses go on separate vacations all the time.

Button

November 30th, 2012
10:08 am

I get what you’re saying Single but you have to make time for everything in life. Time to eat, sleep, pray, etc etc etc, it doesn’t change just because you’re dating.

Bluzgirl

November 30th, 2012
10:10 am

Thanks MsAtl…I had a great time off, but it’s been hard to get back in the swing of things!

As far as spending the night away, there shouldn’t be a problem with that. Isn’t it better that you stay somewhere if you’re going to be drinking rather than risk driving home?

Single and Happy Fabulouso Friday

November 30th, 2012
10:12 am

MsAtl, it’s all about trust, so why not.

MsAtl

November 30th, 2012
10:12 am

Leggs- I feel you. I went away with a girlfriend once in 30 years (for a 3-day trip). When I returned, me children seemed rather traumatized by me leavign because I was always there for them. 16 years later, my son still talks about the time I “abandoned” them. wth? Didn’t matter that their dad would be gone for months at a time because he was in the military. That was my first and last time being away from them until they grew up.
One girlfriend is married and has 3 children, ages 5, 12 and 15. The rest are either married with no minor children or no children. Another has teenagers.

Leggs

November 30th, 2012
10:13 am

Bluz ~ that’s a different reason for spending the night out. That example makes it worse to stay out.