accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Relationships: Headed for a break up?

My friend Sara is quietly freaking out because she senses a change in her man’s behavior lately. They have not had any major fights, but she said he seems distant and kind of aloof. He’s been this way for a while but it wasn’t until he turned down sex this weekend that she got really concerned.

I am NO relationship expert *cough* but I told her a lot of times men go through things and they just don’t want to open up about it. It does not necessarily mean he has checked out on her emotionally. Still, she worries about his behavior and wonders if they are headed for a break up.

I think a lot of couples hit a rough patch in their dating relationship, some of which come really early on. It can be a double edged sword in that it can either bring you closer together or serve as the beginning of the end. I believe that it is about how you resolve conflict and talk things tough that makes the difference.

That is of course, if you are both committed to it. What should you do if you notice a change in the behavior of your significant other? If they insist that nothing is wrong, do you take their word for it or continue to press them to open up?

If you think about your last break-up, did you see it coming or were there signs that you missed?

172 comments Add your comment

lee

November 29th, 2012
7:18 am

Good morning,
I did the breaking-up and i knew it way before i ended it. You can’t pressure anyone- sometimes doing that makes the person pull further from you.(no likes a nag) It is better if she comes right out and tells him that his behavior has concerned her, and she would like to help him whatever it is. Dont know all the issues but maybe he is having problems or issues “like he can not rise like the sun”. It could be someone else, and he doesn’t know how to end it with her. But the best thing she could do for herself it stop wondering and freaking out about something, when she doesn’t even know what that is, it is a wasted emotion and time spent.

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
7:43 am

If they insist that nothing is wrong, do you take their word for it or continue to press them to open up? If there isn’t a problem, and you keep insisting, there will be a problem that you created!

but she said he seems distant and kind of aloof. He’s been this way for a while but it wasn’t until he turned down sex this weekend that she got really concerned. hmm a woman turns down sex, and is distant and aloof, she’s just a little stressed about thing right now, a man does it, and he’s ready to break up?

Ladies, we’re not machines that you can turn on like your bullet!! (LOL)

Big Al

November 29th, 2012
8:21 am

“he seems distant and kind of aloof” – Doesn’t that describe us men in general?

“it wasn’t until he turned down sex this weekend that she got really concerned.” – A man turning down sex is like a women turning down a shoe sale. It just ain’t normal.

disco

November 29th, 2012
9:07 am

good morning.

s/h – first off, just what’s so tantalizing about Thursday? second off, if men would turn down sex more often and wouldn’t act so pressed to get it as frequently as they do it wouldn’t automatically signal a red flag for most women when they aren’t receptive to it. ijs.

re the topic – was there really a topic for discussion?

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 29th, 2012
9:10 am

Good morning peeps,

I can speak from experience that aloofness, lack of secual desire or distant behavior does not always equal break up. I went through this with a significant other and come to find out, it was related to worries of something that happened at work. Of course, the whole time he was saying nothing was wrong but in manspeak, I suppose that meant he just didn’t want to discuss it. It definitely is frustrating because, men regardless if you realize or not, we women know our men. So when you act outside of what we consider ‘normal’ for you, we can sense when something just isn’t right. It’s aggravating knowing something is up with you, for you to shut us down with the fact that all is peachy. Well if all was peachy then you wouldn’t be acting like a bag of sand. Hmph! I don’t have to have all the immediate details, but i think it can save a lot of worrying if you fellas just say, hey i’m dealing with xyz or had a bad day but I just don’t want to get into it right now. That right there says, hey, i have something on my mind, it isn’t you, I just need a little me time.

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
9:14 am

Either he made some gir (other)l pregnant,is having an affair and is figuring how to break this up,got an issue at the j o b or something else is on his mind.
Period!

She dont need to do anything, especially if she is a secure woman. All she has to say is,’let me know hon if u need me to help u with anything’. That alone could go a long way in proly him turning down another chic for her,assuming there is a woman in the mixx coz it may show him,she cares.

Oter than that,jus zip. The worst thing a man wants when in that situation is a woman that nags..especially Uall the insecure ones. Gets on a man’s nerve,Big time!

And I know,when a woman’s sex advances are turned down,holy Christ!!!,thats a big time ego bust on them,so I sympathise with the chic. :lol:

Good Luck tho!

Hello MIA!

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
9:18 am

Disco, if you would give it frequently, we wouldn’t ask so much! if you turn me down tonight, I’m going to ask tomorrow night, if you turn me down then I’m going to ask the next night, I’m going to keep asking until I get it. now if you give it to me all those nights, I’m going to roll over and go to sleep sooner or later.

I guess I’m different, when I don’t want to be bothered, I don’t want to be bothered! And that’s what it sounds like he’s trying to tell her. She said they hadn’t had a big argument, but is that the only time people act aloof with their significant other? I know how most women love to share everything about their lives with their S/O but most men don’t.

Tantalizing – possessing a quality that arouses or stimulates desire or interest; To excite (another) by exposing something desirable while keeping it out of reach. (Thursday teases you about the weekend) for most.

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
9:18 am

Disco, if you would give it frequently, we wouldn’t ask so much! if you turn me down tonight, I’m going to ask tomorrow night, if you turn me down then I’m going to ask the next night, I’m going to keep asking until I get it. now if you give it to me all those nights, I’m going to roll over and go to sleep sooner or later.

I guess I’m different, when I don’t want to be bothered, I don’t want to be bothered! And that’s what it sounds like he’s trying to tell her. She said they hadn’t had a big argument, but is that the only time people act aloof with their significant other? I know how most women love to share everything about their lives with their S/O but most men don’t.

Tantalizing – possessing a quality that arouses or stimulates desire or interest; To excite (another) by exposing something desirable while keeping it out of reach. (Thursday teases you about the weekend) for most.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 29th, 2012
9:25 am

SH – You liked your post so much that you sent it twice? lol

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
9:27 am

Disco, if uall would come to bed ready for combat ALL the time,that wld be appreciated.

Celisea

November 29th, 2012
9:30 am

Nothing on topic…lol

Off topic and just thinking out loud…sorta kinda…..

Okay, so on holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc), I always get a lot of texts throughout the day, of well wishes from friends. From both men and women. Well, there’s one guy that texts only on holidays and REALLY, I want to tell him to kick rocks. Not because I’m not cool getting a friendly text, but because he, some el lamo chick, and another dude tried to pull a coup de grace on me…lol I reached out to her and politely asked her to get off my emails. I did the same for the other dude because they were both apparent. Naturally they both played dumb and innocent. Maybe she wanted him, who knows….hmmmm Cool…play dumb. The texting dude? Not sure what benefit he got out of it. I communicated with this dude for a few months, a couple of years ago. Maybe he’s still hanging on…shrugs I haven’t had any current communication with this dude so, what gives??? Maybe she wants him too…lol I wanted so so bad to rip him to shreds because he thinks he’s pretty slick. I almost did it but thought “take the high road and just ig him”…lol I was looking at the text again last night and almost did it. Thing is, he’ll only do what the other two did….deny and play dumb. If only I could divert unwanted messages to outerspace or something, that would DEFINITELY do the trick!! My girl says bust his knee caps. What to do, what to do….is the question :evil:

disco

November 29th, 2012
9:33 am

S/H – I really wonder if the man at home with live in puddy not getting any is a myth or urban legend. I mean I know chicks that dole it out sparingly (once a week or so) but I know a lot more chicks that are getting it in (about to make a brother throw his back out). I’m not going to call CC out (hey CC when you get here) but there’s a lot of chicks like her out there.

as for my earlier post, my only point is that the folks in the relationship know their sex schedule. they know what’s regular for them, they know what’s a lot for them and they know when one of them is falling off.

Celisea

November 29th, 2012
9:34 am

I said nothing on topic…guess I lied…lol

I think it can go either way. She knows her man and is sensing something is not right. By the same token, something being not right could be just personal issues….or something. Not necessarily that he’s about to bail….and then again, not. Maybe he is. I think she should ask him and whichever way he goes, to leave it be. If he’s going to leave, it’s just a matter of time. You can’t get grays worrying about that stuff. I know waiting for the other shoe to drop ain’t exactly the best place to be in, but again if a person wants to leave, they’re gonna do it.

I’m all about giving you your thinking space but at the same time a relationship is a relationship. You can’t just take off (mentally) indefinitely and come back and all is cool. I might not nag you (cause that’s the worse), but Imma be reeeeal “cool” when you want to get all warm and fuzzy. Sort of like I can show you (how it feels…sans any malice), better than what you’ll only deem as nagging…

Comon Cents

November 29th, 2012
9:34 am

Good Morning, bloggies!

Men have issues just like women; get over it. If the turning down sex became a regular thing, then she should be worried. Even my hubs has his moments when he doesn’t want to do it. (Granted they are very few and far between)

:lol:

Leggs

November 29th, 2012
9:38 am

“But the best thing she could do for herself it stop wondering and freaking out about something, when she doesn’t even know what that is, it is a wasted emotion and time spent.” – Exactly what I was going to say. Too many waste valuable time wondering instead of asking. We tend to sabotage our relationships by conjuring up things that aren’t even the issue at hand. Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE.

halo46

November 29th, 2012
9:41 am

I heard a relationship therapist say one time that half the time a couple are in relationship is spent breaking up. I thought back on my relationships and it was mostly true. For example, if you were in a relationship for 6 months, then 3 months of that time was spent on breaking up. So have your friend think back to when the relationship started having issues. If they’ve been together for a year, and six months ago they started having issues, then he may be trying to break up. Just a theory. Not exact science. lol

Comon Cents

November 29th, 2012
9:43 am

I’m not going to call CC out (hey CC when you get here) but there’s a lot of chicks like her out there

You know I was about to respond to your post, but then I saw my name! :lol:

On the real, I know some couples that are really only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. That’s crazy!!! But I think that what you said is true. Most are getting it in at least once a weak even if she’s acting janky with the na na.

Comon Cents

November 29th, 2012
9:43 am

halo~ I have said that exact same thing on here before and I find it to be true as well.

Lady~sunshine

November 29th, 2012
9:49 am

lol C @ nothing on topic!

Morning everyone!

GO FALCONS!!!!!! I am ready to tailgate and DEFEND OUR DOME! ;)

Celisea

November 29th, 2012
9:51 am

Heeeey Lady! I was just about to shoot you a message :) Alright I was not present (at work) yesterday so I gotta get crackalackin. I know my clients are wondering “does she EVER work??!!”

MsAtl

November 29th, 2012
9:51 am

Morning All1
I will ask what’s going on & if I am told nothing, then okay, just let me know when you are ready to talk; I am not going to try to pry it out of you. I agree with Slim, if you are not ready to give details, just say there is something at work, etc bothering you. I prefer some sort of communication.
Disco- dole it out once a week? Shiii, that’s a doggone diet! No ma’am! You have to be more regular than that.
Big Al- there’s a shoe sale? Where?
S/H & Disco- I happen to like that names are assigned to the days. Yes, tantalizing us about the weekend. I call it Friday eve.

Comon Cents

November 29th, 2012
9:56 am

MsAtl/S&H/disco~ What I can’t figure out is why Wednesday is hump day. Cause if you have kids and work, it’s awful hard to get to humping on that day… IJS

Comon Cents

November 29th, 2012
9:57 am

Lady~ I will be defending the dome tonight as well!! GO FALCONS!

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:00 am

Slim duplicate posting is not allowed, don’t know why it does that sometimes.

Disco when my female friends, complain about the S/O asking for sex all the time, when asked when was the last time you had sex, most of the time they can’t remember. and you wonder why the ask all the time!

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
10:01 am

So Cel, are u annoyed by texts because they are offbase,or because the guy didnt take it further when in fact u wanted him to?

Coz if dude is texting,’Have a wonderful Thankxgiving Cel” just like everybody else and there is no debauchery, whats there to be annoyed about? Its tame,polite and decent right? He sends that because he “knows” u but not like that.

Now,if he is sending inaapropriate texts,then thats an issue.

My question is if his texts are as tame as everybody else texts on holidays, why be annoyed about ‘only’ his texts and not the other folks texts that u also dont know like that?

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
10:04 am

but I know a lot more chicks that are getting it in (about to make a brother throw his back out)

Disco..u know with what degree of certainty unless u been part of a thressome or something….?

Folks that are married can put a front..in fact a lot do…. and wiith sex..hmmm, i dont know if i could say that…

Celisea

November 29th, 2012
10:06 am

Mmello

NO, I just didn’t have that connection with the texting dude. Just wasn’t there for me like that. I thought he was cool though until he started showing moistness…

For the rest of your comments/questions, go back to my 9:30. :) You know….I should really igg you like you igged me yesterday. I’m sweet though, not like that.

Okay, gotta run for real. I’m waaaay behind today.

Celisea

November 29th, 2012
10:07 am

Mmello – Knifing folks and then nice texts just don’t set well with me. You know?

Okay kids, y’all have at it…toodles!!

Lady~sunshine

November 29th, 2012
10:08 am

lol C!!!! good deal CC enjoy likeI plan too!

kimmie

November 29th, 2012
10:08 am

Morning Gang!

Didn’t win the lotto, so I decided to come on in to work!LOL!

On topic – If you pay any attention at all to your mate, you know what’s normal and what’s not. You know when it’s just a “bad day at work” thing and you know yall’s sexual habits.

Personally, I’m not hounding no dude as to why he’s checked out. I’ll ask, and if you don’t give me SOMETHING, I’m making other plans. I don’t do the nag thing. But I’m not living with the silent treatment either if nothing is supposed to be “wrong”. I don’t allow my kids to walk around pouting. So if you’re sick, about to get fired at work, got somebody pregnant, whatever, give me a clue and I’ll give you your space to deal with the situation. Otherwise, I’m gonna assume you’re checking out for good and I’ll be upfront with you about my intentions to keep it moving.

The older I get, I just lack patience for BS. One of my friends went thru the year-long, “nothings wrong”, pout with her husband, and now they are getting a divorce.

disco

November 29th, 2012
10:10 am

s/h – I am on team “don’t remember”. it’s a shame really but what’s a girl to do. lol.

ex – while a lot of folks do front I trust the folks I talk to not to give me fake information. also I like to think I can spot a BSer. I have the type girlfriends that will answer the phone in midstroke so trust me when I say we talk about that type stuff. who’s doing what, who, how often. no shame in our game.

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:13 am

MsATL, . Nothing is wrong is usually our best answer because everything else leads to more questions.

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:15 am

Disco, is your man asking every night:-D or are the batteries dead (LOL)

disco

November 29th, 2012
10:18 am

“nothing” also means there’s something wrong but I’m just going to be silly and childish enough to not say anything because I think you have ESP and you are supposed to guess what’s wrong with me.

S/H – hardy har har. no toys at my house. just one mean spirited woman who talks a lot of trash. last year’s ex is trying to ease back in but he’s got the same problem he had last year. lol. a few other jokers are sniffing around. they’re cool but they have some deal breakers so I’m not checking for them.

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
10:21 am

Cel, I didnt igg u Cel..(is that ignore?) lol

No, didnt intently do that….u knw that…

Okay, for ur response…

Disco….answer the phone in midstroke…..now thats a real home girl! :lol: friends forever , wow!

we need to find out exactly where u live Disco..spill the secret,what city,what listing? lol

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:22 am

Nothing sometimes actually means nothing, but most of the time someone will keep on until something is wrong. It just may be a low testosterone day (LOL)

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:24 am

Ex, if queen answered the phone in mid stroke, would that hurt your ego? cause you know what comes next, “girl what you doing,,,,,,,, answer: oh I aint doing nothing) LOL

kimmie

November 29th, 2012
10:25 am

Disco – Heck, no can do the ESP! Just open your mouth and talk like a grown-A man! Now I get sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or dealing with the situation right then, I so get it. But checking out for days, weeks, and beyond? I can’t deal with it. Glad my man is not one of those “brooder” types that has to go off to himself every time his little world is upset!

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:31 am

you know it would be nice to have more information about these topics, because with this one, it could just be the newness wearing off. with the way some of these young guys be talking, he could have just been out of Viagra (LOL) We are assuming she knows his habits, but how many times have you thought you knew someone to find out it all was an act. and how often does the real person not match the representative?

kimmie

November 29th, 2012
10:36 am

Nothing sometimes actually means nothing, but most of the time someone will keep on until something is wrong.

Single – I see why you are single and happy! Cause the folk you describe would get on my last nerve just to be friends with, let alone have a personal relationship with. I’d stay single too.

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
10:37 am

Single…Queen can only answers a call midstroke if its international call….her mom has called a time or two,odd hour, when im geting it…no issue..

She wldnt answer a local call from a friend…well.unless if the friend owes her money! lol

disco

November 29th, 2012
10:38 am

kimmie – that’s why I called the nothing move childish. I distinctly recall being mad about whatever as a child only for my mom to ask me what my problem was while I responded “nothing” with my mouth all poked out. I knew good and darned well it wasn’t “nothing”. I also learned that my mother didn’t give a dang, once I said nothing she went on about her business and told me to take my scrunched up face on somewhere. lol.

czBrat ♀

November 29th, 2012
10:38 am

HiYas!

this —> it wasn’t until he turned down sex this weekend that she got really concerned.
cracked me up! are we now practicing sex tests?

whatever happened to good ol straight forward Q&A? if something’s up that he doesn’t want to discuss, he’ll either handle it on his own or bring it to you in due time.

if it’s all about a breakup, whatchagonnado? live your life. when someone tells you it’s good-bye, blow em a kiss & wish em well. you can’t stop that. and if you think that getting a heads-up that your s/o is ready to walk is going to somehow allow you to change his/her mind, you’re just postponing the inevitable.

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
10:40 am

Is Steven A Smith just a loud mouf?

being a loud mouf pays tho in America

Single and Happy Tantilizing Thursday

November 29th, 2012
10:44 am

Kimmie, I’m single as in not married, but I’m in a relationship. :-)

Exiled!

November 29th, 2012
10:50 am

Lemme say I am one of those who is moody and sometimes, i just dont wanna talk that much..so there is nothing there or there is some on my mind and again i dont want to talk about it….

Lot of times i may be asked,”whats wrong? and i will say,”some on my mind and dont wanna talk about it now’ and that normally kills any more questions….
But i come back soon enough……

I dont know what caused me to be like that altho i suspect, my upbringing has some to do with it…I was reflective and kept my mouf to myself a lot as a kid coz i grew up with a dad who was harsh and in a church I had not option but to attend but which i didnt like…..i suspect that had a bearing on me longterm…..

and it has made me(proly, i dont know if there is correlation) more liberal as an adult and parent with my kids and more accomodating of their opinions and likes etc…subconsioulsy ofcourse…..altho i think jus being more educated than my parents alos contributed in my lib views.

i'm swiss

November 29th, 2012
11:08 am

“What I can’t figure out is why Wednesday is hump day. Cause if you have kids and work, it’s awful hard to get to humping on that day… IJS”

Comon — Believe it or not, I heard a stat quoted somewhere the other day that said Wednesday was, in fact, the most common day to have sex… Didn’t seem right to me, either. Gotta see if I can find where I saw/heard that…

kimmie

November 29th, 2012
11:09 am

Single – Well I hope your relationship is making you happy!

i'm swiss

November 29th, 2012
11:10 am

“her mom has called a time or two,odd hour, when im geting it…no issue..”

Me.lo — And that begs the question: Did you keep going while Queen was on the phone with her mom? :lol:

kimmie

November 29th, 2012
11:15 am

Exiled – You sound a bit like my hubs. He was a preacher’s kid and his dad was strict. As a result he’s a lot more liberal with the kids. We make a good team because I am more of the disciplinarian and make sure they don’t get over on him and take advantage of his kind nature.

While I would not call him moody at all, he can be a bit reflective. Even if one doesn’t feel up to talking about something, the fact that you say so and don’t take forever to bounce back – I’d have no issue with that at all. But dragging along forever and bringing down the family with a shiddy mood – I can’t tolerate.