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Dating: How persistent should you be?

When you decide to focus all your efforts on someone you are interested in, how persistent are you willing to be? I ask because it seems that often times we are quick to cut the person off if they start to become challenging.

Do you believe that being persistent and maintaining pursuit means you come off as desperate or thirsty? If you really like the person the more you pursue them, is it worth it to keep up the same effort?

I know a guy who has pursued the same woman for a year and has not shown any reciprocity. He has become a good friend – at best, but is willing to wait for her. Persistent or deluded?

If you ever find yourself stuck in the friend zone, would you try your chances and hope that being their friend will pay off for you later?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

184 comments Add your comment

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
7:09 am

I won’t even try and speak for the masses, but for me persistence ALWAYS pays off. I’m not trying to pass an opinion on what works for others, however for me, anything worth having is worth the effort. I don’t believe in nor buy into the cart before the horse theory…..as in let’s become physical first and then we’ll decide. NOPE! It works…..for me. Too, it’s not about just the physical. I’m NOT becoming physical nor having anything with anyone without a bit of chase…. I never have.. I know it’s a bit antiquated, but it works.

Having said all of that, I believe the “art of courting” still exists. If some dude have spent his years having “stuff” handed to him or never felt a bit of a challenge, well naturally that’s gonna feel like “too much work”. Well, too bad I guess…lol By the same token, you gotta leave a few breadcrumbs on the trail. If you’re feeling him, he needs to feel that and know. I mean you do want to be caught….eventually. If your stance is I like you but abstaining, put it out there. Believe it or not, I believe in that and not knocking.

Anyway, I ain’t mad at the “gentleman” in today’s post. I find it rare and refreshing!! If he’s happy and willing to wait, I tip my hat to him….lol

Off topic: I had the BEST time! Everything went well. We all enjoyed the mini vacay, spent plenty money, ate well and gained weight…..probably…lol I absolutely enjoyed shopping and eating on River Street. I bought chocolate covered Pringles :mrgreen: We also stopped at Tangers. I shopped at Jones of New York and Jokey!!! Overall, I’m giving it a 10!!!

Alright, back to reality :)

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
7:17 am

I’m sooo dreading our client dinner tonight….just dang great. That means I gotta do snazzy today, and we all know cold weather for me translate comfy not cute. Alright, gotta get ready.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 26th, 2012
8:59 am

Good morning all,

Hope yall enjoyed your family and friends over the holiday. Too bad it back to reality all too soon.

disco

November 26th, 2012
9:00 am

good morning. how persistent should one be? guess that’s a personal question. of course I think of the tv sitcom folks who take it too far. steve urkel, nikki parker and professor ogilvee. like diva said sometimes one’s persistence can read as delusional. also, to tie in to celisea’s post just a bit, persistence is all good if the one being chased doesn’t mind being chased. you are on some stalker type mess if you persist chasing someone who has indicated that they aren’t checking for you.

Exiled!

November 26th, 2012
9:01 am

Dang Celisea!

If I gotta chase you long and hard like that then the puddy better be the damn bizzness!

I see you had fun Cel..work hard play hard!! :lol:

Mine was good too..glad Ima be home for a minute.

On topic: me,I like chase but within reason. And I have lurked and circled in friend zones.

A shark worth the name circles around. :lol:

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
9:17 am

I had a blast!!! Anytime there’s the chase, IMO the art is knowing when to bring things into tow. Knowing when to allow yourself to be caught. No playing games…none of that!

And yes, I wouldn’t even be in the game if I wasn’t worth it. Not to sound too cocky :mrgreen:

MsAtl

November 26th, 2012
9:42 am

Morning All!
Hope everyone enjoyed their time away. As has been said, there is nothing wrong with a bit of chase, but know when to stop. I would not pursue someone for a year, particularly where the person shows no reciprocity or interest. Diva, I think your friend needs to have a conversation to determine whether he is persistent or deluded.

disco

November 26th, 2012
9:47 am

hey ms atl!!!!!

MsAtl

November 26th, 2012
9:50 am

Hey Disco!
Ex- Cel isn’t cocky, she’s confident; there’s a difference.
Cel- It is confidence, right? Don’t make me look bad, lol.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 26th, 2012
9:55 am

Regarding the topic and me being a woman, if a dude is not showing any interest to take it there, then i’m not going to try to convince them otherwise.

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
9:57 am

MsAtl, never cocky….always confident. Of course everybody won’t read it that way…lol I didn’t think MMeello meant cocky. That was me that tossed that tidbit in there :mrgreen:

I’m listening to Mary Mary’s Sunday Morning….heeeey (bumping in my chair)

disco

November 26th, 2012
10:00 am

slim – I don’t deny that I have a little bit of “boy chaser” in me. thing is you don’t run into many that make you want to test your skills like that. the ones that make you want to prove you still got it. lol.

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
10:00 am

As with anything, everything is a gamble. There are those that chase cause they just wanna say they won and there are those that chase because they think it’s worth it. There are those that never had to chase and can be true to whatever it is going down, and then there are those that never had to chase, ain’t gonna chase, would rather not chase. There are those that don’t chase and will be quick to call a woman easy. So, in this day and age it all just depends. You have to make the call that’s right for you.

disco

November 26th, 2012
10:06 am

dang y’all. we have 13 comments. I should have had a V-8.

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
10:06 am

Do you believe that being persistent and maintaining pursuit means you come off as desperate or thirsty? = Probably a little of both to the person who really isn’t interested. I connected with this guy a few years back and believed we had a connection. I think my 2nd call asking when will we see each other again bothered him so I told him the ball was in his court. Guess he decided not to bounce it.

The art of being pursued is not lost, you just have to connect with the one who want you to pursue them.

Morning! Hope everyone enjoyed their family, friends and food!!!

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
10:12 am

The Riverhouse Restaurant was where we had dinner (the dinner menu). I wasn’t sure about what they brought me as it looked “funny.” But, I ate it anyway. It wasn’t too bad….lol

disco

November 26th, 2012
10:13 am

leggs – re visitors. as per usual, glad to see them come, glad to see them go. lol. re food – yum.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 26th, 2012
10:19 am

disco – “A lil bit of boy chaser’ I suppose is cool as long as it isn’t like a fatal attraction type of deal. My sister has a bit of an issue in being the aggressor as far as pushing things to happen way to fast. We actually damn near got into a scuffle in the parking lot during the holidays. So I actually ended up coming home early :roll:

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
10:30 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLUZ!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
10:32 am

disco ~ I thought I was going to have 3 particular visitors. Even ran out and bought more yams fearing I wouldn’t have enough. Never heard from them. Now, that’s RUDE!

disco

November 26th, 2012
10:32 am

slim – parking lot scuffle? now that’s what I’m talking about. some holiday drama. lol. re boy chasing I don’t necessarily mean psycho stalker chick but I do know a thing or two about putting myself in a guy’s path. lol. back in the day if I was checking for dude and I knew dude hung out at such and such spot cool believe I was getting dolled up and rolling through such and such spot. boy chasing sounds like it’s a female taking the lead but really it’s nothing more than a formulation of “womanly wiles”. women have their little subtle tricks but subtle or not, it’s boy chasing, man-grabbing, whatever you want to call it.

Single and Happy Marvelous Monday

November 26th, 2012
10:35 am

Hey all

There’s nothing wrong with being persistent, or being put in the friend zone, long as you know how to chase. Even with Steve Urkel, it did pay off in the end. You never know what the future may hold.

kimmie

November 26th, 2012
10:35 am

Morning All!!

I had a nice, quiet T-day with the family.

Topic – I think the decision to be persistent in one’s pursuit of another should be handled on an indiividual basis. One person’s persistent is another persons delusional/stalker. Sometimes if there is some interest on both parts but the timing is just off, it may pay off to keep your hat in the ring. Say it’s someone you grew up around and liked or maybe were friends with in the past. But the only way I see it working is if there is SOME interest on the other person’s part. Waiting around for that lightbulb to go off for the other person would be creepy, at least for me.

I know a guy that is definitely delusional. He dated a lady briefly that broke it off with him. She met another guy and moved in with him & his 2 kids. It went into a few years and dude was still pining away for her. I told him he needed to give it up. He said he didn’t want to give up “too quick” only to have her change her mind! I’m talking years and he wouldn’t date anyone else. It was weird!

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 26th, 2012
10:38 am

disco – Yeah, I came real close to throwing her on top of the car but my niece was right there and I didn’t want to end up on youtube or in jail.

Single and Happy Marvelous Monday

November 26th, 2012
10:42 am

Dang Slim, how youtube comes before jail (LOL)

disco

November 26th, 2012
10:43 am

slim – lol. I called around to see how my family made out. we had a drama free holiday. aside from them talking about some woman’s undercooked sweet potato pie there was nothing popping off.

S/H – hey buddy. you might can talk your way out of jail but youtube, that’s a whole nother something.

kimmie

November 26th, 2012
10:43 am

Slim – Is this the same sister that married the crazy guy?

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
10:46 am

Dern it…I just saw my comment in moderation (with links posted)…pooh

Celisea......refreshed!!!

November 26th, 2012
10:47 am

Later gators! :mrgreen:

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
10:48 am

Single ~ I know all about one being persistent. I’ve even given him the nickname of “DieHard.”

Jake-SPJTWB

November 26th, 2012
10:54 am

What up peeps, hope everyone had a great holiday, because it sure sucks being back at work!

Single and Happy Marvelous Monday

November 26th, 2012
10:55 am

Leggs, have we met (LOL)

MsAtl

November 26th, 2012
10:57 am

S/H- come on now, you know you can’t scratch your tail in public these days without it ending up on youtube.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 26th, 2012
11:01 am

SH – Now you know we are in the times of NO Privacy and errrrrythang goes on youtube lol

kimmie – Yeah this is the same sister. I told her she is effed up in the head :lol: She’s going to seek therapy this week though so i guess that’s one good thing that’s come out of the whole ordeal

Comon Cents

November 26th, 2012
11:03 am

Good Morning, bloggies!

T-Day was fabulous. Had a great time with the hubs family.

Re: Turkey Day Drama~ Slim apparently yours was mild compared to Halle Berry’s! (Thank heaven’s for small favors :lol: )

On Topic: I think it has all already been said. There is a fine line between persistent & delusional. Know when to say when!

Single and Happy Marvelous Monday

November 26th, 2012
11:05 am

comon, so what would 20 years be? :-D

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 26th, 2012
11:10 am

CC – Way to put my ordeal into perspective :lol: I heard buddy got that ass whooped

Jake-SPJTWB

November 26th, 2012
11:12 am

Halle-she sure is pretty, pretty fuggin crazy…and everyone thought David Justice was the problem back when, aint nothing changed.

kimmie

November 26th, 2012
11:17 am

On the Halle situation, apparently pretty boy baby daddy effed with the wrong one! Come to find out the fiance’ has a boxing background and wiped the floor with his behind. Supposedly pretty boy punched first. You would think he would have thought twice since he’s a model & his face is what makes him his money. Well that and the child support Halle has to pay him!

disco

November 26th, 2012
11:19 am

jake – fyi, I sided with david justice back in the day (mostly because I just never really cared for her all that much). I still remember an interview he did when he insisted that halle was an actress and all that playing the victim was nothing but her acting. whatever happened to him anyway?

Comon Cents

November 26th, 2012
11:23 am

S/H~ Guess it would depend on how much reciprocity there was… :lol:

Comon Cents

November 26th, 2012
11:24 am

I still remember an interview he did when he insisted that halle was an actress and all that playing the victim was nothing but her acting

IDK. Did she act her way to the busted ear drum too? IJS…

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
11:25 am

disco ~ although I’ve heard about Halle being a handful over the years, I think Eric Benet’s facial expressions when she accepted her award talking about her father was never present, yada yada said it all. His face said “awww shiggity, here we go again with this isht about growing up fatherless!” He looked like he was done with her and her drama then.

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
11:27 am

I thought the busted ear drum came from someone else, a movie star? Perhaps I’m thinking of Tammy Terrell and David Ruffin.

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
11:27 am

What happened?? I didn’t even hit submit. Was still typing!

disco

November 26th, 2012
11:29 am

CC – who knows? you saw lynn whitfield in thin line between love and hate. no telling what crazy will do and while I won’t call halle crazy I will say that something about that chick is just off to me. lol.

Jake-SPJTWB

November 26th, 2012
11:29 am

Disco-Justice remarried, had some kids and whatnot…I took a look at the story, apparently, they want to move his daughter to France, at least he took that azz whippin for the right reason.

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
11:33 am

I remember hearing Wesley Snipes blew out her eardrum.

Comon Cents

November 26th, 2012
11:52 am

Leggs~ Couldn’t have been Wesley; he doesn’t date black. :lol:

Leggs

November 26th, 2012
11:52 am

:lol: you may have a point there, Comon!