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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Casual dating vs Committed Relationship?

Before you go on a holiday dating spree, perhaps it is worthwhile to figure out what your short-term and long-term goals are. When you approach your dating life, having some sense of what you truly want is a good way to get the results that you want. I know what, you’re saying..that’s a no-brainer, Diva! Well, you would be surprised at the number of single people walking around with nary a clue of what they want.

Generally, you meet people who either want to keep things casual or those who want to ultimately move towards a committed relationship. The casual dating folks will say things like, “I just want to kick-it with somebody cool, and see where things go” Or one of my favorites: “I like just going with the flow.” Keep in mind, these are the same people that will try to have sex with no strings attached.

People who want committed relationships are fine with taking things slow. They feel comfortable with the idea of making room in their lives for somebody special. They don’t stress about giving up freedom or allowing someone to them for who they are.

I believe that casual dating has it’s place and those who want it should clearly state that intention upfront. There is nothing wrong with casual dating if that is what you want. The trick is figuring out when you should be casually dating people and when you are ready to build a relationship with someone.

How do you know when to keep it light, fun and easy with casual dating? When do you know that it is time to take it to another level?

What do you do when you are ready to leave casual and go committed? If the person/people you are seeing don’t want the same thing, what do you do?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

410 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

November 20th, 2012
7:01 am

Casual dating,Diva,is a way to get your Lay On,so that you don’t go on full blown famine. Insisting on committed relationships maybe impractical,especially when the right men are few or most don’t want to go there.
So what a woman To Do to keep the Long Term Intentions On whilst also being cognizant of the short term Lay needs?

Casual Dating!!

It is better to be true to yourself ladies than permanently carry a frown. Coz truf be told,if you ain’t get laid,your brow will tell. And any little thing a man does,a small to minor transgression by a man will invite a monster tongue lashing!

That’s when you know,here madam has a serious case of ABW occasioned by cobwetaitis! :lol:
High blood pressure will kill you ladies! No joke. Tata Tata Tata dead! (that’s high old pressure for u)

All because you want to keep the y unnumbered as if the hymen is still stella and intact. Why lie to urself and self molest?

Casual dating!

I tell ya!

Happy Thankgiven MIA!

I’m Early. couldn’t sleep looking frward to catching the flight home to Queen and the gang!

Exiled!

November 20th, 2012
7:05 am

High blood pressure(not old pressure)

Unencumbered(not what the IPhone filled there)

Cherry

November 20th, 2012
7:38 am

Hello blog,

I’m new here. I was following this blog all last week. Am I allowed to jump in? H

ello Exiled, you are one funny man. lol Will I have to retype my name each time? I noticed sometimes your name is all capitalized then sometimes not. I wondered if I’d to key in everytime I want to make comments?

I think I’m going to like this place!

Cherry

November 20th, 2012
8:00 am

I am engaged and the holidays are always a great time for my soon to be family. My fiance and I try to equally divide our time.

I’m getting the hang of this! It seems I won’t have to re-enter my name each time. I guess the site retains my name.

lee

November 20th, 2012
8:54 am

End result if someone doesn’t want the same as you, you need to move along.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
8:55 am

Good Morning, bloggies!

Casual Dating vs Committed Relationship? (in other words Hooking Up vs Serious Dating)

I think that question speaks for itself. If I want to hook up and you want to be committed, incompatible. Same with the other way. People must be on the same page about what they want.

And contrary to popular belief, hooking up does not lead to long term relationships.

Good morning, Cherry! Welcome!

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2012
8:56 am

For me, ALL dating is casual until I get to know the person! Casual dating doesn’t always lead to sex. If someone tells me they are looking for a serious relationship, then I’m not the one, If you would like to get to know each other and see where it goes. I’m the one.

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2012
8:56 am

For me, ALL dating is casual until I get to know the person! Casual dating doesn’t always lead to sex. If someone tells me they are looking for a serious relationship, then I’m not the one, If you would like to get to know each other and see where it goes. I’m the one.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:00 am

S/H~ I am sorry I forgot to email you! I got a call yesterdday afternoon from an immigration attorney I had called when we had the convo about your friend. :oops: Do you still need my help?

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2012
9:02 am

Comon I may, I got the information, and sent it to her, but what they tell me and what she says the do doesn’t make any sense. do you still have my email address?

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:03 am

Good morning Ladies, Gents and Miscreants :D

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:06 am

Yay, Miscreants!

S/H~ I do still have your email addy at home. I can email you tonight if you like.

Bluzgirl

November 20th, 2012
9:07 am

S/H – That’s how I’m thinking. I’m not used to this dating, but I want to keep it casual until I know whether or not we should move forward. You don’t know until you get to know each other well, right?

So…the Young One and I hung out Friday night. I took him to a friend’s housewarming party. He had several beers. On the way back to take him to his car, he asked me what we are. I said that we are just dating and seeing what happens. A little bit later, he asked me what I want from him. I told him that I didn’t know yet…I want to keep hanging out and get to know each other better. I like him, but not quite sure about him yet. Taking it easy and just seeing what happens…

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2012
9:07 am

Thanks, comon.

Hello all

Leggs

November 20th, 2012
9:09 am

Welcome Cherry. Please, do not tell Ex he’s funny. That’s a compliment giving him permission to come in for the kill (lol).

Casual dating is where one starts out until time leads both to think they may want to continue down the path toward a committed relationship. You have to start out casually before you even have the notion that this person is worth an emotional investment. BUT, with casual dating, more than likely no chance for entwining our bodies together. “Casual” is just that, having sex requires that we have moved out of that dating bracket. My mind and intuition, along with your actions, will tell me that. Mere words are a dime a dozen!

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:12 am

Bluz~ Did you ask him what he thought you were? Are you feeling like he is trying to lock you down or is he trying to push the relationship to the next level?

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:13 am

Welcome Cherry. Please, do not tell Ex he’s funny. That’s a compliment giving him permission to come in for the kill (lol).

:lol: :lol: :lol:

kimmie

November 20th, 2012
9:17 am

Morning All!!

Exiled – Man, what was with that wack to me late Friday about lawyers??? Heck, the law students were not the only ones that thought they were “all that” in college, the dumb-azz athletes, the pre-meds, you name it! Just cause I mentioned hubs at times puts his lawyer hat on and shows me a different way to look at things, we don’t dumb it down to each other & the kids, somehow we think we’re better than everyone?? Would you have felt better if I said hubs used to be a garbage collector so he hates seeing a full trash can in the house?? Man, get outta here!!LOL!!! :lol:

On topic – My only contribution to this is I wish more would be honest with themselves when confronted with the casual versus committed decision. Meaning, if someone tells you upfront what they want and it’s different from what you want, don’t just go along with it hoping that person will change their mind. Nip it in the bud before you catch feelings and get them hurt down the line.

Bluzgirl

November 20th, 2012
9:24 am

CC – He really likes me a lot…I can tell. I think he wants to be able to call me his girlfriend. Thing is…we don’t know each other well enough. We’ve only hung out 3 times and out of those times, we only were alone once. He did warn me that he gets attached quickly…it kind of scares me. I like him enough to keep it going, but I’m not at the point where I’m crazy about him and want to jump in…Honestly…I feel like this is great growth for me! I’m usually the one who wants to jump in!

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:26 am

Bluz – I’m glad you answered the way you did….those questions this early on would make me give him the side-eye honestly. Just seems too early…but that’s just me

Leggs

November 20th, 2012
9:27 am

CC – He really likes me a lot…I can tell. – Don’t you think it would be better if you actually heard him say it. He asked you, why didn’t you return the question back to him??? Are you afraid to hear what he actually will say possibly making you think and bust a move a little faster???

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:28 am

Bluz – That one time yall were alone…um….did any….cough cough….action happ’n? :oops:

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:28 am

Leggs~ And that was my point.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:30 am

Slim~ You stoopid! (But I have to be honest, I was wondering the same…)

kimmie

November 20th, 2012
9:30 am

Bluz – That actually sounds great. I do read growth in you. You are taking your time and setting the pace.

:)

Cherry

November 20th, 2012
9:31 am

Thanks guys for such a warm welcome!

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:35 am

So, Cherry, when are you getting married?

Bluzgirl

November 20th, 2012
9:36 am

Slim…no…only kissing!

Leggs – He actually has told me that he likes me. He compliments me often. I guess I didn’t think about putting the question back on him. In a way, it’s nice to have some control of the pace. I am very hesitant because he does seem to like me a little too much too soon. I’m not used to that. When we were kissing goodbye Fri night, he asked if I wanted to go to his place, but I was tired and I said no. He said ok and then joked that he’s not a very good salesman because he’s not pushy enough. I looked him in the eye and said that with me, I’d prefer him to not be pushy…

kimmie

November 20th, 2012
9:36 am

Slim – Women only seem to give the side-eye to a guy wanting to lock it down quick when they are not really feeling him. If they are, then it’s all good. This is my observation/opinion. My hubs was ready to lock it down after 3 dates. If I had not been feeling him, it would have creeped me out.

Not saying this is the case with Bluz AT ALL. Especially since she said they’ve only been out alone once.

kimmie

November 20th, 2012
9:38 am

Where are my manners – Welcome Cherry!!

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:38 am

I’m wondering what the outcome of two folks who usually move too fast would be….Hmmm?

Not to be Debbie Downer but buddy seems like his mind is on the puddy. You’re kissing then he asks about you coming to his place, then throws out there that he isn’t pushy enough. Slow ya roll buddy.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:39 am

kimmie~ cosign on your 9:36. That has been my observation too. Isht that would be creepy if you weren’t feeling the guy becomes “cute” or “sweet” when you are. :lol:

disco

November 20th, 2012
9:39 am

hey y’all.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:40 am

I’m wondering what the outcome of two folks who usually move too fast would be….Hmmm?

I can answer that. Divorce. :lol:

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:40 am

Heeeeyyyy disco!

Leggs

November 20th, 2012
9:41 am

Good to hear, Bluz! Looking in the eye to convey your sentiment is also good.

Bluzgirl

November 20th, 2012
9:41 am

Slim…I know he wants the puddy, but he really doesn’t seem like the type to be only after that. Honestly, I see a lot of myself in him…or, at least how I’ve been with men. He seems to have a good heart and may be one who falls hard and fast. I’ve been known to be that way…

Leggs

November 20th, 2012
9:45 am

Leggs

November 20th, 2012
9:46 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWISS!!!
♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:47 am

Bluz~ IMO there is a certain amount of info you should know about someone before you can call yourself “in a relationship”. Basic info, like:

When is your birthday?
What’s your middle name?
Where were you born/did you grow up?
Are your parents in the area?
How many siblings do you have?
Did you go to college and where?
What are your goals/aspirations and what are you doing to make them a reality?
How many previous relationships have you been in? (Coupled with have you ever been married?)
Do you have kids?

I am always amazed at the basic information people DON’T know about someone they are dating/sleeping with. Don’t make that mistake!

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:47 am

Especially since she said they’ve only been out alone once.

kimmie – That is exactly the point i’m coming from…It does not seem to have been situation’s where they had time to really get to know each other one on one.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:48 am

Bluz – So how does it feel to be dating yourself? :lol:

HST

November 20th, 2012
9:52 am

He puts his Miscreant Hat at the door.

Good Morning Bloggers. Welcome to posting Cherry, this place is always fun.

“Keep in mind, these are the same people that will try to have sex with no strings attached.” It almost seems that this is implied as a negative.

Bluz, as a stage one clinger or former, you have now found one yourself (through his own admission) – has that given you a new perspective on clinging? You seem like this bright young lady. Stop dating men who can’t challenge you. Musicians and younger men are not the way to challenge you emotionally. You sound like a gem, find a man that compliments you…

Cherry

November 20th, 2012
9:52 am

next fall, but we haven’t fully decided.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
9:55 am

Cherry~ Well, congrats! You will have to keep us posted on your progress and let us know once you set a date.

Good morning, HST.

Bluzgirl

November 20th, 2012
9:55 am

CC – I agree with you. I know some of those things, but need to know more…

Slim – Funny…I guess I can now see what I’ve put some guys through! LOL

At least when I’ve jumped too fast into something with men in the past, I knew the men for a while. This is really the first time that I’ve met a guy at a bar and started dating him. It’s all a new experience for me. My mom asked me if I wanted to invite him to Thanksgiving, but I decided that I’m not ready for all of that. At this point, I don’t know if I want to have a relationship with him. Time will tell. I’m not going to stress myself about it. If he tries to stress me about being in a relationship, then I will end up pushing him away…

MsAtl

November 20th, 2012
9:56 am

Morning All! Welcome Cherry.
Topic- If I am “casually dating” someone, there will be no penis between us. Otherwise, people need to be honest about what they expect & intend. If you want a committed relationship and the other party does not, it is best to keep it moving.
Bluz- Great! Best to move slowly. Btw- did you do a background check to make sure he isn’t Jack the Ripper or some stalker? Google will work.
Comon- You forgot the leading questions; Do you have a wife, lover, girlfriend, boyfriend, babymama?

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 20th, 2012
9:56 am

you have now found one yourself (through his own admission) – has that given you a new perspective on clinging?

HST – I was soooo thinking this same thing…

disco

November 20th, 2012
9:57 am

CC – that’s alot of “personal” info. no wonder i’m single. lol.

Comon Cents

November 20th, 2012
10:01 am

Btw- did you do a background check to make sure he isn’t Jack the Ripper or some stalker? Google will work.

See, there you go MsAtl. I was trying to be nice and let her get the information the good old fashioned way! :lol: You had to go the route that every female lawyer I know goes. But I guess if it works for job hunting, it will work for dating too… :lol:

And I didn’t leave out the leading questions, I just cleaned them up. (ie Do you have kids? Have you ever been married? etc…)