Casual dating vs Committed Relationship?
Before you go on a holiday dating spree, perhaps it is worthwhile to figure out what your short-term and long-term goals are. When you approach your dating life, having some sense of what you truly want is a good way to get the results that you want. I know what, you’re saying..that’s a no-brainer, Diva! Well, you would be surprised at the number of single people walking around with nary a clue of what they want.
Generally, you meet people who either want to keep things casual or those who want to ultimately move towards a committed relationship. The casual dating folks will say things like, “I just want to kick-it with somebody cool, and see where things go” Or one of my favorites: “I like just going with the flow.” Keep in mind, these are the same people that will try to have sex with no strings attached.
People who want committed relationships are fine with taking things slow. They feel comfortable with the idea of making room in their lives for somebody special. They don’t stress about giving up freedom or allowing someone to them for who they are.
I believe that casual dating has it’s place and those who want it should clearly state that intention upfront. There is nothing wrong with casual dating if that is what you want. The trick is figuring out when you should be casually dating people and when you are ready to build a relationship with someone.
How do you know when to keep it light, fun and easy with casual dating? When do you know that it is time to take it to another level?
What do you do when you are ready to leave casual and go committed? If the person/people you are seeing don’t want the same thing, what do you do?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating
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410 comments Add your comment
Comon Cents
November 20th, 2012
10:04 am
disco~ The way I look at that is before I let someone work on my car, I would want to see an ASE certification to know that you were qualified to do the work and you weren’t going to fck up my car. I can buy another car! So, if I am going to (ahem) let you under my hood, I need to know that you are qualified before that happens. I can’t get another puddy. IJS…
kimmie
November 20th, 2012
10:05 am
Hey Disco!!
MsAtl
November 20th, 2012
10:05 am
Comon- At least I didn’t tell her to do a Lexis serch, lol. Once she clears him from the murderer rolls through Google, she can get information the old fashioned way.
I told my nieces that I was going to give them a dating checklist. They laughed at that.
Disco- I can picture you cringing at the thought of providing info, lol. At least she didn’t say name, rank & serial number.
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
10:07 am
Oh…I have done the Google! Not much out there. He has been married before…I did verify that with the search! LOL! You Google me and there is a ton of info on all the charity work I’ve done. All good stuff! I did find his high school picture also!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
November 20th, 2012
10:10 am
I literally laughed out loud at “the Google” just now…
Comon Cents
November 20th, 2012
10:12 am
He has been married before…I did verify that with the search!
Did he tell you that or did you have to Google him to find that out?
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:20 am
Seems like she had to verify it after Google, so he wasn’t forthcoming. Perhaps after 3 encounters one alone, he didn’t feel it was time to reveal that.
disco
November 20th, 2012
10:21 am
mrs. atl – i can get with a little bit of questioning when i’m in the mood but generally i’m more of an i’ll tell you when i want you to know type. god forbid i tell someone something and then they have half a dozen follow up questions. uggh. one guy is always talking about how i know so much more about him than he knows about me and i always tell him he needs to quit running his business. lol. i don’t ask he just feels the need to run off at the mouth.
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:23 am
Bluz ~ you seem to have the upper hand in this newly minted relationship. Does it make you wary that you may not know how to go about getting to the next steps? Are you uncomfortable that he seems to like you more than you like him since this is something you’re not used to? Power is dangerous when one doesn’t know how to yield it’s weight! You might kill yourself off.
Dani
November 20th, 2012
10:26 am
Good morning- I have an update on my Thanksgiving plans. The ex didn’t read the parenting plan and thought he was getting the kids midday on Thanksgiving and returning on Friday. He is supposed to get them on Wednesday night before and they return on Monday after school day. I found this out from the 7 year old. Since he is getting them on Thursday we are doing a Thanksgiving breakfast that morning before they leave. So I will get to spend part of the day with my girls. I did get the guilt trip from my mom stating this is the 1st Thanksgiving I have not been there!
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:29 am
Dani ~ I can feel your smile!!! Glad you’re able to spend some of the day with your girls.
i'm swiss
November 20th, 2012
10:31 am
Thanks, Leggs! Do I get a spanking, too?
Welcome, Cherry. (Okay, now you regulars all know how hard it is for me not to make a sexual comment involving that moniker. Somebody ought to at least give me some props for fighting the urge this long…)
kimmie
November 20th, 2012
10:33 am
Dani – Nice you get to be with your babies!!
Dani
November 20th, 2012
10:33 am
I am smiling over here! Heck I’m going out and buy my Christmas tree tonight. We can decorate and back cookies tomorrow.
kimmie
November 20th, 2012
10:34 am
Happy Birthday Swiss Beatz and fellow Dawg!!!
Comon Cents
November 20th, 2012
10:34 am
swiss~ I’ll be more than happy to come and spank you…
HBTY!
Hey, Dani! Glad you get some time with your girls on Thanksgiving! What are you doing with the rest of your day?
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:35 am
swiss ~ you sure do, but it won’t be my hand on your untanned behind (lol).
kimmie
November 20th, 2012
10:35 am
Swiss – I know it’s killing you!! You have me trained well, cause I thought about how you’d twist up her moniker!!
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:36 am
swiss ~ yes sir, I know that was hard for you not to say anything. Yesterday, we had hymen and now we have cherry. You must really be squirming.
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:36 am
squirming, not squirting (lol). Uggg, sorry, folk. Was that a bit much??
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:38 am
Excellent Dani! You just made lemonade out of your lemons! Get that tree and decorate it. Your girls won’t even notice a disconnect…that’s the key.
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
10:38 am
He did tell me up front that he had been married before. He was very open and honest about it. I just saw on Google later the date of the marriage and of the divorce.
Leggs – I think I am a little uncomfortable with him liking me more than I like him. It scares me a little. I’m not used to that. But…he also doesn’t know me very well. Maybe there is a small fear that he won’t like me so much once he gets to know me better. I don’t know why that would be a fear because I’m very likable!
He’s such a nice guy and part of me is afraid that I’m going to hurt him. Maybe one problem is that he is too nice…My mom and I were talking about it last night and I just kept saying that “I just don’t know about him yet.”
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
10:41 am
Happy birthday Swiss!!!
kimmie
November 20th, 2012
10:42 am
Maybe one problem is that he is too nice…
Bluz – Really????? Come on girl, stop playing games. That “too nice” stuff is for high school girls that want to rebel against their parents by dating the bad boy! A real man doesn’t put you thru changes, so stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
MsAtl
November 20th, 2012
10:45 am
Happy birthday Swiss!
Good news Dani.
Bluz- just take it slow & enjoy the ride (no pun intended).
Robert
November 20th, 2012
10:46 am
“How do you know when to keep it light, fun and easy with casual dating? ”
It’s important to be honest so the other person will know what your casual dating expectations are. For example if you are just looking for a travel partner or someone who can fix things around the house(Handy Man)let the other person know what you are looking for. I think people respect honesty whether you are casual dating or not.
Dani
November 20th, 2012
10:46 am
Comon- I never heard back from Meals on Wheels. I will probably take the dog for a run at Arabia Trails and chill at home the rest of the day.
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
10:48 am
Leggs – I think I am a little uncomfortable with him liking me more than I like him. It scares me a little. – Don’t you think there’s always someone in the relationship liking their mate a little more than the other. Could it simply be that you aren’t feeling him. If you were, you would be talking about you wonder how long or thick his penis is, and if he knows how to use it…ijs…
Single and Happy
November 20th, 2012
10:49 am
Hmm looking for a handy man, I hope you have some handy money (LOL) that isn’t casual dating that’s FWB
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
10:52 am
kimmie – I guess I’m just used to the other shoe dropping! I should be used to a guy treating me like he has so far. It’s just all so new to me.
kimmie
November 20th, 2012
10:53 am
Hmm looking for a handy man, I hope you have some handy money (LOL) that isn’t casual dating that’s FWB
Single – LOL!!!
Comon Cents
November 20th, 2012
10:54 am
S/H~ cosign on your 10:49.
Leggs~ I also cosign on your 10:48.
Guess I’m just cosigning today…
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
10:55 am
Leggs – True…I’ll be honest and say that I’m not totally feeling him. I think I want to and would like to give it more time to see if I will. He is the type of guy I should be with…one who adores me and compliments me and will probably put me on a pedastool…I need to see if he also will challenge me.
i'm swiss
November 20th, 2012
10:56 am
Thanks for all the b-day wishes, folks.
Comon — My cheeks are bared are waiting.
Leggs — It may be untanned now, but just wait until Comon gets finished with me…
SlimNu: Life always happens
November 20th, 2012
10:57 am
Bluz – Do you always tell your mom about dudes you meet or date no matter how casual or serious it is?
Single and Happy
November 20th, 2012
11:00 am
comon, on your questions, what if I plead the fifth
Bluz, did he tell you what happened with his marriage? his side at least.
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
11:02 am
Slim – My mom is my best friend…I may not go into full details, but I do talk to her about a lot of stuff.
S/H – He has not yet told me what exactly happened to the marriage. He just said that they made a mistake by marrying young…stayed married for 7 years, trying to work it out…in the end, they were not right for each other…
MsAtl
November 20th, 2012
11:03 am
Swiss- you are hilarious!
Comon- run to Walmart & grab a wooden paddle or hair brush.
Single and Happy
November 20th, 2012
11:07 am
Bluz, they made a mistake marrying young, and now after all of 3 weeks, he’s all into you? (repeat offender) keep a level head.
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
11:07 am
swiss – I’ll give you some birthday spankings if you come give me my birthday spankings on Monday!
Single and Happy
November 20th, 2012
11:08 am
Bluz, how old did you say dude was?
Comon Cents
November 20th, 2012
11:08 am
comon, on your questions, what if I plead the fifth
Then there is nothing further to talk about because I know where you stand.
run to Walmart & grab a wooden paddle or hair brush.
I already have one
It’s got swiss’ name on it…
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
11:08 am
Enter your comments here
Single and Happy
November 20th, 2012
11:08 am
Enough talk with all these spankings, I’m about to fake a birthday!!
Single and Happy
November 20th, 2012
11:09 am
come on comon, don’t go with your instincts (LOL)
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
11:10 am
S/H – I am definitely keeping a level head with this one. I promise that!
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
11:11 am
S/H – He’s 29…I feel like a cougar even though I’m only 4 years older! LOL
Leggs
November 20th, 2012
11:11 am
He is the type of guy I should be with…one who adores me and compliments me and will probably put me on a pedastool…I need to see if he also will challenge me.
Hell, you need to challenge yourself to be with someone who isn’t walking over you and treating you like an insignificant doormat. That’s what you’re used to. Girl, burn that shield and try a nice person who cares!!! it’s a damn shame we tend to let our past continuously dictate our future. Snap out of it, Bluz!!!!
swiss ~ when Comon get’s finished with it, it will still be untanned, but red as hell with hand welps. Wait, you’d like that (lolol).
Bluzgirl
November 20th, 2012
11:15 am
Leggs – I know…I’m working on it. It really is nice to have someone who adores me!
i'm swiss
November 20th, 2012
11:15 am
Bluz — My pleasure (and happy early b-day to you, too). Just so you know, I am a naturalist, so I only give spankings bare back. Just FYI…
(So you just barely missed being a Scorpio, eh? I assume some of the freak still rubbed off on you, though).
“It’s got swiss’ name on it…”
Comon — I guess that’s for the best. Mrs. Swiss probably wouldn’t appreciate it if you branded your name on my booty.