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What stops you from approaching?

We can never explain why we are attracted to certain people, while others just don’t do it for us. A lot of the reasons we pass people up are completely superficial and nonsensical, but sometimes we have valid reasons to pause.

Call it instinct or intuition, but we often have to let our gut tell us when to keep it moving. I know for me, the minute I don’t go with my instinct, I end up regretting it later on. So how do we know when to follow our instinct and when to proceed with caution?

Have you ever noticed someone and was contemplating checking them out but decided not to? What was it that stopped you from approaching?

What turn-offs do you spot that immediately makes you rethink pursuing someone you initially thought was someone cool or a “great potential”?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

356 comments Add your comment

Amelia

November 19th, 2012
7:55 am

Dishonesty. You can’t be honest? You can’t have me. Playing games, still a playa playa? Immature? Selfish? Never wrong? Constantly need stroking? No equality? Everything is about you, you, you, and you? Jaded against all woman because of a past relationship? Nah, I’ll pass.

Single and Happy

November 19th, 2012
8:06 am

Hello all

For me it’s about attitude! If I smile at them, and they smile back, they are approachable, if they have to look at me from head to toe, then it’s on to the next one.

Button

November 19th, 2012
8:48 am

Good Morning, I have to agree with Amelia and say the misogynitic overtone and add the se&ual innuedos, negative attitude, sleezy and greasy disposition, player mentality, that’s it for now.

lee

November 19th, 2012
8:50 am

What stops me from approaching? I’m shy.

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
9:06 am

Hate to say this, but I have to find you physically attractive to even begin the approach. If your looks don’t fly with me, I will never find out if you are the dishonest, playa, etc. Most people don’t like to admit that, but if there is no chemistry, it’s never gonna happen.

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
9:13 am

Oh and Good Morning, bloggies!

MsAtl

November 19th, 2012
9:18 am

Morning All,
What turnoffs do you spot immediately that stops you from approaching?
A man does not have to be drop-dead gorgeous and decked out in a suit, but if your pants are sagging or you look like a gang banger or dealer, I am not going to give you the time of day. It may be judging based on your appearance, but it is what it is. I think that after a certain age, you should pull your pants up and put aside the hustle. A gold grill is another turn-off.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 19th, 2012
9:19 am

Morning gang!

How was everyone’s weekend?

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
9:27 am

MsAtl~ Agreed. LMAO @ gold grill. Do people who are not rappers or under the age of 25 even have those anymore? :lol:

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
9:29 am

Morning, Slim!

My weekend was great! Breaking Dawn on Friday, Georgia game on Saturday and laid around watching football with the hubs on Sunday. What could be better? :lol:

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 19th, 2012
9:40 am

CC – Sounds good to me! The beau threw some hamburgers and weenies on the grill yesterday. So it was football, food, and beer/Goose ;-)

WrightIdea

November 19th, 2012
9:43 am

The waitress test: If they aren’t nice to the waitress, then they just aren’t a nice person. If they are “too nice” to the waitress, they don’t understand boundaries. The naked test: Can you ever imagine wanting to be naked with the person. The friend test: Would it be embarrassing to introduce them to your friends.

MsAtl

November 19th, 2012
9:47 am

Common- sadly, I think so.

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
9:55 am

Single ~ I have to agree with you. Attitude is front and center. A sincere interest gets the conversation flowing effortlessly.

“What turn-offs do you spot that immediately makes you rethink pursuing someone you initially thought was someone cool or a “great potential”?” = Loudness, drawing attention to himself.

Good morning.

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
9:55 am

Te hee hee~ weenies… :lol:

Celisea

November 19th, 2012
9:59 am

I really try not to judge a book by it’s cover. That is often the one thing folks do and is just so misguided with it. But, on topic if there are any apparent turn offs it would be:

Thugged out
Potty mouth
Mr. Freaking Wonderful
God’s gift (to every woman in the establishment)
Adonis…wannabe
Old cats (and no, I’m no teenager but I ain’t delusional either…lol)

My mantra is, nothing wrong with a nice looking dude but really, that ain’t a hangup of mine. If you’re polite, a gentleman, wellgroomed….IJS

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:02 am

I was sick Saturday night and all day Sunday. My hon brought meds AND surprisingly kept his word, HE ATTENDED OUR CHURCH SERVICE YESTERDAY :mrgreen: Now, THAT’S Mr. Freaking Wonderful….in my book!!

I just dern got here, let me get to work….ugh One more day and it’s mini vacay! Yaaaay!!

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
10:03 am

Comon ~ speaking of Breaking Dawn, Lil Leggs is home so I snatched her and one of her friends up before they could make plans and took them to a nice dinner in Buckhead then over to Phipps to see Breaking Dawn. Those leather recliner seats are the bomb!!! All I needed was a drink and a little blanket and I would have felt right at home (lolol).

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
10:10 am

“Do people who are not rappers or under the age of 25 even have those anymore?” – I was watching Sweetie Pies wondering why one of the older cooks has a grill. His mouth looks HORRIBLE. Already a country bumpkin who has a lazy tongue now his teeth are shiny!

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
10:15 am

Leggs~ The theater we went to had drinks (sadly, no blankets) but all in all it was an enjoyable experience. Gave me some quality time with my SIL’s too.

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
10:16 am

Leggs/MsAtl~ I was never into grillz even when I was younger and they were supposedly the style. Every man I have ever met who had golds in his mouth has stank breath. True TUNOFF! :lol:

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
10:20 am

I’ve never been interested in anyone with a gold tooth, a shiny grill or sagging pants. And, I dislike men who wear those long shorts that touch their ankles…horrible look.

kimmie

November 19th, 2012
10:21 am

Morning Gang!!!

ANY reason you have for not wanting to approach someone is VALID, Wise! That urks me to no end! What YOU may deem superficial is just another person’s preference. And people have a right to their preferences – period point blank. Nobody is owed an approach just because they are out! You are not everyone’s cup of tea. But I truly believe there is someone for everyone.

Leggs – I saw that dude on Sweetie Pies!! It looked a hot mess. I personally would be turned off by it, but I bet he’s probably got a wife that loves him, jacked-up mouth and all. I personally have always loved men with nice teeth. I’ve had folks trip on me because I’ve passed up some dudes that had grills and jacked-up teeth! Fine, then you kiss him, I’ll pass!LOL!!!

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:23 am

And you reasons may not be another’s :mrgreen: One man’s famine is another man’s feast :mrgreen:

Toodles!!

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:23 am

your not you

To each his own!!

Comon Cents

November 19th, 2012
10:24 am

kimmie~ Amen to that! Oral hygiene is EXTREMELY important to me. There are some people that I just want to throw a breath mintin their mouth while they’re talking. Just UGHHH!!!

MsAtl

November 19th, 2012
10:28 am

Comon- I’m right there with you; I have never been impressed by grillz.
Leggs- short that touch their ankles? Those aren’t shorts, those are pedal pushers, lol.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 19th, 2012
10:31 am

What stops me is a grim face displaying disdain and contempt. When I say hello that’s not a suggestion I want to take you home, therefore don’t give me a look as if I ruined your day. I live under the premise nobody is obligated to say anything when they don’t want, but silence may speak louder than words in some instances. I get the feel sometimes women are just tired of being approached if they like what they see in a man she will approach him.

Good Morning:

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 19th, 2012
10:36 am

Every man I have ever met who had golds in his mouth has stank breath. True TUNOFF! :lol: :lol: :lol: Sometimes the troof smells

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:38 am

Honestly, I ain’t never been chatted up by mr. yuck mouth…lol So, I guess that’s one experience (funky breath), that I’m proud to say I’ve never had…lol

Okay, I’m suppose to be gone and working. I’m just so dang tired from being up all night. I can’t concentrate cause I’m soooo sleepy. I should have taken a sick day today.

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
10:41 am

BF ~ I have a friend that doesn’t readily wear a smile, but she doesn’t seem to understand how her stoicism emits a strong “don’t approach” signal to men. She laughs at me, but I told her many times she needs to loosen up. She doesn’t think she’s mean mugging, but she is. We were out and I walked away and stayed gone for a good 10 mins. Went off and took a picture of her w/o her knowing. She laughed and finally understood what I was saying. A visual worked for her (lol).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 19th, 2012
10:41 am

Leggs:
I said it lon time ago I cannot wear those shorts, to me it’s a fad that’s now starting to fade out. The others I can’t wear FUBU, Coogie, and Sean John, they are fine for folks that wear them but I don’t. Sort of like the designer wear in my day was Sasson, Sergio Valente, Georgio Armani, Pierre Cardin.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 19th, 2012
10:44 am

I’m almost embrassed to say that I had a super duper crush on this dude in 8th grade that had one gold toof. His toof had his initial carved in it too. I don’t know what the heyal I was thinking but glad that one didn’t go anywhere. Well, actually my ex-friend ended up getting with him behind my back. So even though we are no longer friends, she took a bullet for me on that one :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 19th, 2012
10:45 am

Sassoon left out out an o.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 19th, 2012
10:46 am

I’ll take one of those outs back please.

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:48 am

Anything “thugged” related, I have ALWAYS been a chicken and ran from…lol From the mouth, to the clothing, to the mannerisms, to the lingo…all of it. I dunno, was always scared it would cause an adverse effect on me…lololol

MsAtl

November 19th, 2012
10:49 am

Whoa,Slim- 8th grade??? I blame that one on the parents! WTH?

kimmie

November 19th, 2012
10:49 am

Leggs/BF – My expression is something I had to work on! Some friends brought it to my attention in college. A guy told me at parties how I would look mean. When people would see me on the street, they would say I looked mean and tell me to smile. I realized when I am just minding my own business or thinking about the place I’m going or what I have to do, I have a serious expression that could be taken for mean-mugging. So while I don’t walk around with a stupid grin like Suzie Sunshine all the time, I do make the effort to look pleasant, approachable. Not for meetting a dudes sake, but just to the world in general. I practiced it so much it is now second nature!!

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:49 am

I knows what I knows what I knows what I know!! I’m just cutting up before I dig in :mrgreen:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 19th, 2012
10:52 am

Yeah Leggs, a stoic look will make a guy keep on passing by. She don’t know she could have had her drink or dinner paid for and the dude may not even wanted to know her name.

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
10:54 am

I too do not care for Coogi’s colorful jeans. We’re from the same era, BF. Those were my designers back then to, along with Pucci. I loved my white Sasson jeans ($50). That was a lot of money for a pair or jeans back then (lol).

Celisea......mini vacay bound

November 19th, 2012
10:55 am

Alright I’m out for real :evil: I’ll be here at 6:00 if I don’t get crackin.

VACAY just around the bend! Yay…

I hope I don’t take in more cold getting my hair done Wednesday. Guess I’ll have to wear a hat. Not feeling that :mad:

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 19th, 2012
10:56 am

MsAtl – Well, I don’t think she slept with him until 10th grade lol

MsAtl

November 19th, 2012
10:58 am

Slim- Lol. Thank goodness for that, but I was talking about the gold “toof.” Why would a parent get a child a gold tooth?

Sassy Me...I'm so ready ;-)

November 19th, 2012
10:59 am

when I am just minding my own business or thinking about the place I’m going or what I have to do, I have a serious expression that could be taken for mean-mugging.

I’m oh so guilty of this. Actually just this past Saturday a girlfriend of mine told me I had this look that could shoot daggers and all I could do was laugh b/c I was clueless that I was even doing it. I’m still working on that part…I make an effort to look approachable and when I’m on it works but there are those times that depending on where I am(i.e. the hood or somewhere I have no call being) I might have that “don’t eff with me” look going on.

Leggs

November 19th, 2012
10:59 am

Possibly, BF…possibly. I too have a serious look on my face when I’m out alone, but I’ve learned to break it up by thinking of something that makes me smile, looking around me to find something to smile at, etc. Yeah, kimmie, I had to train myself as well. When I first moved here I was considered a “hardened NYer,” so I was mindful of all the phoney smiles and fake waves (lol).

Sassy Me..I'm so ready ;-)

November 19th, 2012
11:02 am

Why would a parent get a child a gold tooth?

When I was younger I knew a family where it seemed like ALL of them had an open faced crown and the youngest one was in middle school with me. We all thought he was sooo cool and the fact that he had a gang of fine brothers was a recipe for disaster…but we had alot of fun though ;-)

kimmie

November 19th, 2012
11:02 am

I’ll never forget this Nick Ashford looking dude with gold teeth that was trying to talk to me at this club when I was out with my friends. I was about 22 at the time and he looked at least 40. My friends kept telling me I should give him a chance cause “he might be nice”!! Mind you they had all these fine cuties sweating them. I told them he may be nice, but I’ll take the loss and they were welcome to have at him. Of course, there were no takers. I said no thank you to his drink offer too – I was not that thirsty!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 19th, 2012
11:05 am

I feel you Kimmie I have the expressionless look on my face at times, people ask me why am I looking mean. Folks always tell me I look like the police, a Marine drill seargent, or something sneaky……………….LOL

kimmie

November 19th, 2012
11:06 am

Sassy – Yeah, I got my “don’t eff with me look” too I have to pull out at times!! Especially when I’m where I can’t just cover my eyes with sunglasses.