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Mo’ Money, Mo Problems

I was having a nice quiet dinner alone recently when I happened to witness an awkward scene happening at the table next to mine. There was a lady celebrating her promotion at work while her man was sitting there practically pouting about her new salary.

Apparently, she had joined the six-figure club, which displeased him because he was not already in it. I didn’t even KNOW this woman and I wanted to tell her to RUN from that guy. What kind of man gets visibly upset when the woman he supposedly loves succeeds? Like, who does that??

Putting my hypercritical judgment aside, I have to wonder why Ms. Six-Figure was disclosing her exact salary to a guy she was only dating? Do you ever tell people you are dating how much you make?

I know some people prefer that men have the “power” in a relationship, but does it matter if a woman makes more money than her man? Does that change the dynamic of the relationship? Should it change the dynamic?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

294 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

November 16th, 2012
6:57 am

Putting my hypercritical judgment aside, I have to wonder why Ms. Six-Figure was disclosing her exact salary to a guy she was only dating? Do you ever tell people you are dating how much you make? Celebrating, or gloating, since Diva was only seeing it from the outside and assuming, we will never know.

Celebration = honey I got a promotion, lets go out to dinner to celebrate.

Gloating = Ms. Six-Figure was disclosing her exact salary to a guy she was only dating?

I know some people prefer that men have the “power” in a relationship, but does it matter if a woman makes more money than her man? so the person who makes the most money has the power?? I know a man should be the man of the house, but that still doesn’t mean he has the power, that should be equal, and if you marry the right person, these issues shouldn’t come up.

CoolShadow

November 16th, 2012
7:50 am

Putting my hypercritical judgment aside, I have to wonder why Ms. Six-Figure was disclosing her exact salary to a guy she was only dating? Do you ever tell people you are dating how much you make?
It could be that the better salary is a competitive angle of their relationship, and that’s childish if so. I don’t reveal my salary but people make assumptions anyway based on your line of work.

I know some people prefer that men have the “power” in a relationship, but does it matter if a woman makes more money than her man? Does that change the dynamic of the relationship? Should it change the dynamic?
It becomes a problem when a woman holds over a man’s head the fact of his making less money than her is an inadequacy in his masculinity. It shouldn’t change the dynamics but for some men it’s actually bothersome for them to know that a woman makes more money than they do. Really, when either party wields the “power” in a corruptible fashion, that’s not cool and will eventually lead to drama.

Exiled!

November 16th, 2012
7:57 am

Diva….I don’t know how u got to know about the six figure But if u did,yet you were an outsider,it proly means the woman was shallow,talking bout her money in public like that.

It maybe that the man was upset if not embarrassed at the woman’s gloating(as Single points out) in public,at that.
Actually,I’m wrong.

The man had proly also talked about his money,right..coz Diva knows that the woman had joined him in the sphere. Either the woman had mentioned that or they were All talking bout it in public,

Well,they’re both shallow so they deserve Each other!

Exiled!

November 16th, 2012
8:03 am

Coolshadow…knowing that a woman earns more than u do when u are not in a relationship with her And being Actually in a relationship with a woman earning more than yourself are Two Different scenarios.

Exiled!

November 16th, 2012
8:11 am

ThanksGiving cannot come sooner enough.

I am so ready for Chickin’

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 16th, 2012
8:28 am

I have a homeboy that’s in the position of making less than his wife…it bothers him, but he knows – like we all do – that regardless of ‘who makes what’ – when the boo-boo hits the fan (or backs up in the loo), he’ll be called to fix it.

If she’s making that kinda bread – good for her. If she took her dude out to ‘celebrate’ and didn’t consider how that may affect his mental – boo this chick.

Point is, either way, what you saw Diva was a microcosm of their relationship. Him brooding, her celebratory, and their lack of communication.

^^Not death bells, nor “time to run” (and really, shame on you for wanting to give up that fast), but moreso a moment that will define their next few weeks as a couple (if that’s what they were).

Morning all

Comon Cents

November 16th, 2012
9:05 am

I have never understood this. If a woman is successful and makes more money, she is weilding control? Granted, I will give you the point that most times to succeed in a male-dominated society women have to be much more controlling and demanding to get to that level, however most have the ability to “turn it off” when they come home.

In my case I do make more money. However, when I come home, I don’t want to be the boss anymore. I need (and have) a man that is secure enough to understand that it’s not MY money it’s OUR money and it doesn’t matter whose paycheck it came in on.

Like Dan said, when the boo boo hits the fan, I still fully expect that he is going to be the HNIC and handle that isht (literally…) :lol:

Good morning, bloggies!

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:06 am

“Do you ever tell people you are dating how much you make?” – Never have. I don’t even tell my good friends how much I make. My mother doesn’t even know how much I make. Unless you’re going to add to my salary, and your not my husband, no need for you to know.

I was wondering how Diva knew they were only dating?

CoolShadow

November 16th, 2012
9:08 am

@Exiled – you are correct in your assertion; my response was based on a man in a relationship with a woman but I didn’t expressly state that. But I’ve met men that were turned off by a woman making more money than they did, maybe because of the “power” factor?

disco

November 16th, 2012
9:08 am

good morning. folks ought to know money can be touchy. I don’t share my salary info but like cool shadow said, sometimes folks think they can guess based upon what you do, what you have, how you live. I won’t front. I’ve been guilty of it myself. not asking but guessing. lol. still, I believe that how much money one makes isn’t nearly as important as how responsible they are with it. I know plenty of people who make “good” money but have bad credit and awful spending habits. I know folks who don’t make much but can stretch the heck out of a dollar.

disco

November 16th, 2012
9:09 am

leggs – re your mother not knowing how much you make. how about my mother doesn’t even know where I work. lol.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 16th, 2012
9:11 am

Goood morning gang!

I’m not sure what the point of disclosing her exact salary upgrade but maybe she was just that damn excited. The beau and I recently discussed our levels of pay but not in the actual numbers…just in a general class. He thought I made more than I do but he said either way, it doesn’t bother him. It probably bothers me more than it does him. I would like to be able to contribute more on a personal level but that’s just me.

DreamsMaterialize

November 16th, 2012
9:12 am

Morning
Blah blah blah on the chicks and more money. Never been an issue for me. What I have seen though is people rationalize why others don’t like them (i.e. they’re jealous, haters, don’t like smart guys…) when really people don’t like them because a$$holes. Maybe dude was upset at his woman’s publicly flaunting her personal business, but she (like Diva) just defaults to him being jealous that she makes more…because it makes her feel better about being an a$$.

Exiled!

November 16th, 2012
9:16 am

To Disco….I know fo who live in McMansion ,hubbby makes good money,mot all that but decent but they get food stamps and change$$ to topup..I heard…ummm but I don’t doubt the veracity of the story coz the couple have the pedigree for stuff like that :lol:

Our people! :lol:

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:19 am

disco ~ that’s funny. When my mother comes to town, she always wants to visit my job.

Exiled!

November 16th, 2012
9:19 am

Dreams.. :lol:

that’s a good one!

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:21 am

That isht irks me to no end. Living in a McMansion and collecting food stamps. That benefit should be going to someone who truly deserves it. Ex, you ever thought about reporting them? Not that you would, but have you thought about it?

Comon Cents

November 16th, 2012
9:24 am

disco~ I knew you were tight lipped, but DAMN! :lol: How yo momma don’t know where you work?

disco~ Alright mom, I gotta go. I’m off to work.

disco mom~ Ok, baby. Have a good day. Where is it you work again?

disco~ Momma, I done told you not to be asking me all those prying questions! BYE!

:lol: :lol:

Celisea

November 16th, 2012
9:26 am

I don’t think too much can be guaged by looking on and sitting slightly within earshot. I will say it’s easy to assume either way depending on how you internalize. We could easily say she was being an ass or he was being a jerk or we can say she was celebrating and he just sucked…..IJS Either way, if he can’t deal with being on the bottom, he can always find a subpar chick to make imself feel better….lololol I’m kidding sort of. Without the true scope of their relationship or even if they were solidly locked in as a couple, we can’t assume. That being said, I won’t call her an for doing the dang thing neither will I assume he’s a punk and just hating.

czBrat ♀ packed and redtoogo!

November 16th, 2012
9:27 am

I believe that how much money one makes isn’t nearly as important as how responsible they are with it. I know plenty of people who make “good” money but have bad credit and awful spending habits. I know folks who don’t make much but can stretch the heck out of a dollar.
can i just get a A-damn-men up in here!

morning, y’all.

disco

November 16th, 2012
9:28 am

I actually just had a hypothetical money talk with a guy last weekend. of course he said he has no problem with a woman making more. I find most men say this even the ones that don’t mean it. I advised that in general I wouldn’t have a problem making more but I’d have to go deeper than surface numbers. to use nice even round numbers I used the example of a woman with no dependents making 50k dating a man with dependents making 50k. child support, medical premiums, other incidentals will eat into his 50k real quick. you can adjust the scenario either way (kids, no kids, debt, no debt, more money, less money on either side). so, in essence, for me the money thing is not a nice, neat, tidy situation. there are lots of variables at play. and no, I’m not the chick that’s just going to love a man so much that money doesn’t matter.

o/t – co-worker looks like a stripper again. lol.

czBrat ♀ packed and redtoogo!

November 16th, 2012
9:29 am

there’s no telling how money (and other issues) have been addressed in the relationship before that dinner. maybe he was less concerned with her raise but much more bothered by the fact that gloating is an overall bad habit of hers. *shrugs*

disco

November 16th, 2012
9:29 am

CC – my mother lives in another state. it doesn’t come up.

Celisea

November 16th, 2012
9:30 am

As the saying goes:

Believe half of what you hear and none of what you see

or something like that

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 16th, 2012
9:33 am

Disco = Tommy

“Know damn well ye’en got no job man!”

czBrat ♀ packed and redtoogo!

November 16th, 2012
9:33 am

lol@ celisea. half of what you see and none of what you hear.
now shake off the long week and clear your head, girl. it’s friday!!

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:35 am

o/t – co-worker looks like a stripper again. lol. – Well, it is Friday (lol). Maybe she’s going to try and score after work.

Celisea

November 16th, 2012
9:36 am

czBrat – I wasn’t sure about it but I’ve heard it before…lol Actually a boyfriend told me that once, eons ago. Hmmm That’s why I tossed in the “or something like that”….lololol

czBrat ♀ packed and redtoogo!

November 16th, 2012
9:36 am

half of what you see and none of what you hear.
had this ^ principle been applied, that date would not have been worth blogging about. :lol:

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:36 am

“half of what you see,” Celisea. If you believe in nothing you see, you’ll definitely have a difficult time living.

czBrat ♀ packed and redtoogo!

November 16th, 2012
9:38 am

celisea, i only know it because it’s a lyric in one of my fave songs.

disco

November 16th, 2012
9:39 am

leggs – can she just keep a “ho bag” in the car like regular folks? wait. maybe I’m jealous. maybe I want to dress like a stripper.

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:41 am

That’s too much like right, disco!

Celisea

November 16th, 2012
9:42 am

Brat – Your9:36…my point! I’ve only heard that saying a couple of time but there’s some truth to it…lol

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 16th, 2012
9:44 am

disco – Chile you are super funny. Just a few weeks ago, my mother was in town and she decided to try to surprise me at my job. The gps ended up sending them across the street from where they should’ve been so she had to eventually call me to get here. If that was your mom trying to surprise you, you’d probably tell her yall had bad phone reception and hang up. :lol:

Celisea

November 16th, 2012
9:45 am

Alright, I’m working from home today. Better get on the grind. For some reason, I’m less productive when working from home..lol I wonder why?? I’m about to pop in a movie and work…for a while. I have a lunch date later!!! :mrgreen:

Comon Cents

November 16th, 2012
9:48 am

disco~ My favorite is still the Ann Taylor suit with the stripper shoes. It’s like a mullet; work up front, party in the rear… :lol:

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:50 am

O/T: I had a conversation last night with a man who said “after the third date a woman is SUPPOSED to have sex!” I was appalled that he said. Ok if he thought it, but to say it had me uttering these words I should have kept to myself: “well, looks like you’re going to holding your own d…. a lot longer.” OOPS!

Single and Happy

November 16th, 2012
9:52 am

I’ve always heard it be, “none of what you hear, and half of what you see”

Willie Dynamite

November 16th, 2012
9:56 am

Morning all,
What I take from this scenario is a missed opportunity to communicate. The specifics will always get in the way as long as they use neutral corner communication techniques. Power in the relationship based on salary is just so medieval. Wielding power on that fashion is juvenile. Granted they are just dating but in order to move forward they need to discuss and figure this out quickly.
I wonder who picked up the check. Now that would have been the best part of the discussion.

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
9:58 am

WillieD ~ come on now. You know she picked up the check. What guy pouting at the table because she’s celebrating moving into the 6 figure bracket is going to pay (lololol)?

Single and Happy

November 16th, 2012
10:01 am

Legg, would you celebrate the pay or the promotion?

MsAtl

November 16th, 2012
10:04 am

Morning All!
CzBrat- re your 9:27. AMEN! Well! (swaying from side to side).
I don’t equate making more money to having the power in a relationship (at least it shouldn’t be that way). Also, someone I am dating does not need to know the exact dollar figure of my paycheck. Spouses, yes.
Disco- my mom doesn’t know where I work either, but that’s just because she forgets, lol.
Mom: I told so & so you were a DA.
Me: Mom, I’m not a District Attorney, remember?
Mom: Oh, I keep forgetting.

disco

November 16th, 2012
10:07 am

y’all talking about family members visiting work. I’ll admit my son has been by the workplace a time or two but it was quick, brief, in/out, get what you need and gone. don’t need to be prancing him around making introductions and all that. I’m always tickled when folks bring their newborns to work. I just don’t get that.

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
10:09 am

I doubt I would celebrate. I would probably find more ways to save and invest.

disco

November 16th, 2012
10:15 am

aww leggs – don’t be so stuffy. at least bust a move or something. walk around the office talking about “whoop there it is”. lol. wasn’t that a blast from the past?

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
10:16 am

disco ~ speaking of newborns, this young girl worked here in the mail room, started seeing a brother in the mail room and wound up preggo. Her father disapproved of union and he too works here in the maintenance department. Well, she wound up being transferred to another building a few miles away and the bf gets fired. The two finally gets married (shotgun style). Why do they keep coming back here showing off their baby. It was scandalous when they were here cavorting around the building and in the parking lot. What propels a person to return to a job with the newborn knowing people tarred and feathered you behind your back? Was here last week for a second showing off of the baby.

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
10:18 am

disco ~ I had in mind a celebration like something loud and boisterous pumping my fist with delight. Yeah, I suppose I would honor my hard work with a nice dinner or something, a new dress, something.

Single ~ yeah, I would acknowledge my promotion one way or another.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 16th, 2012
10:25 am

Shiiidddd

The check that gets to the 6 figures….at least $300 is coming back in ones and reinvested in “the community” as a charitable donation

Leggs

November 16th, 2012
10:25 am

But I would still be planning on saving more. I’m basically cheap and now how to stretch a dollar. I don’t waste much when it comes to my money.